As if flirting weren’t already hard enough, perfecting the art of texting guys could be an Olympic sport! Finding the balance between overbearing and overly casual can be difficult. Not to mention, boys basically speak their own language, so trying to decipher what the heck they’re saying via text is an uphill battle. But there are a few tricks of the trade that make texting guys a little easier. Here are some tips you should follow to hold your own on your phone!

1. Be confident

Whoever said never text a guy first was so wrong. Sure, you shouldn’t have to always start the conversation, but putting yourself out there and getting things started shows confidence.

It can be hard to find a good conversation starter, but the “what’s up?” line has literally zero pizzazz. Being bold can be really attractive to guys, and it sets you apart by making you memorable. Whatever your flirting style is, it’s important to step up to the plate and do your best to hit a home run in texting.

“Some fun ways to flirt include, ‘Can’t stop thinking about last night,’ or, ‘I think I’m blushing today.’ This will show him that you’re attracted to him, and he’ll feel flattered,” says Julie Spira, dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. 

You are awesome, and you have no reason to be nervous about texting a guy. Plus, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take, right? Be confident in yourself and it’ll come across in your texts, making him want you even more.

2. Play it cool

It’s exciting if you’re hitting it off with your crush, but being overly eager is sometimes a red flag for guys. Don’t overwhelm him with novels about your day when he asks how you’re doing. And definitely don’t bombard him with texts if he’s not responding. Double-texting is every guy’s worst nightmare, and you don’t want to come off as desperate or needy, because that’s so not you!

However, please don’t get caught up in trying to play some sort of waiting game to reel him in.

“As far as rules on when to return a text, don’t sit and bite your fingers counting the hours to pretend you’re not available,” Spira says. “If you hear from him and have your phone handy, respond in a reasonable time. This means within a few minutes to one hour. A study from online dating sites ChristianMingle.com and JDate showed that a reasonable response time is one hour or one to three hours. Anything after that sends a message that you’re really not that interested.”

Just be calm, cool and collected, and he’ll be sure to want more.

3. Less is more

An occasional smiley face is one thing, but making a picture story out of emojis is just a little bit excessive. As a rule of thumb, if you think you’re overdoing it, you probably are. Boys aren’t usually as expressive as girls, and, “OMG cool!!!!!!” may seem like enthusiasm to you, but can come off as crazy to guys. Just keep it casual and use emoticons sparingly.

“When it comes to texting and flirting, I always believe that less is more,” Spira says. “If you already have a texting relationship, sending a sweet text saying, ‘Hope you’re having a great day’ or, ‘thinking of you’ will cheer him up while he’s at work. The reason I like to include the word ‘great’ is that most guys have a positive reaction to that word. They’d like to think you’d have a great time with him and that you’re a happy person.”

You can always feel out his texting style and go off of that. But at least for starting things off, hold off on the dancing girl and hair-flip emojis every other text. Texting is an art form, and much like you don’t want to splatter-paint all over the Mona Lisa, it’s not necessary to riddle your conversation with emojis and explanation points.

But of course, when you feel that calling for a specific emoji, it’s okay to fall to temptation. They are tempting and basically the perfect form of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Just try to avoid emoticon overdose.

4. Let him do the texting

Flirting through texts doesn’t have to be some big puzzle. The best way to keep a conversation going is by actually having things to talk about. Ask him simple questions that will make him want to talk. Boys are just like us – they love talking about themselves. It gives you a chance to know him and breaks the ice by basically forcing him to text you back. Giving him open-ended questions keeps the convo flowing, and he’ll enjoy answering them.

However, “remember, guys don’t multitask typically the way that women do, so don’t get upset about quick text messages,” Spira says. “If you want to have a conversation, it’s best to pick up the phone.”

Still, don’t fall prey to fangirling over him and not getting a word in edgewise. He should be asking questions about you, too!

5. Know when to end it

It can be hard trying to wrap up a conversation, but the first step is being able to realize when the convo is fizzling out. If he’s starting to send one-word answers or is taking way too long to text back, then it’s probably time to call it quits. Make a graceful exit with a little bit more than just a. “see you later” or, “talk to you soon” text that still somehow leaves him wanting more. Try to conclude it with the possibility of making future plans.

“Who knows? It might turn into a date that night,” Spira says.

Leave it open for other conversations. Tell him why you have to go or that you’re excited to see him again. And if he responds back, let him have the last word and leave him wanting more.

6. Don’t overanalyze it

There is nothing worse than the “k” kiss of death. It’s like a punch in the gut, and our world comes spiraling down around us. But sometimes we overreact to what in reality was probably a quick text while he was distracted by something else or about to head into the gym. And we know what it’s like to stare at your phone waiting for a response. Why didn’t he text you back? Does he not like you? Is something wrong?

Maybe he just forgot to answer. Maybe he lost his phone. And before you know it, you’ve convinced yourself he was kidnapped by a gang and his phone is at the bottom of a lake. Chances are he’s busy or he forgot to text you back.

“Remember that guys often will respond to a text with a one-word or two-word answer. These may include, ‘ok,’ ‘great’ or ‘hang on,’” Spira says. “Guys don’t really want to see a novel on their mobile phones, so keep it brief to keep him interested. Long-winded text messages appear like heavy drama to a guy, so don’t think he’s not interested if you suggest a place to meet and provide the address and he responds with, ‘too far’ or, ‘sounds good.’”

And don’t torture yourself reading into every text he sends. Texts can be hard to decipher, and you can’t hear his tone, which can really stink.  But you’re gonna drive yourself crazy overanalyzing the conversation. Just let it happen!

7. Be yourself

When it comes down to it, even though you’re letting your thumbs do the talking, you should still be acting like yourself. There’s no point in playing games because you can’t base your relationship with someone off some weird rules someone once made up. This really isn’t rocket science; it’s just the 21^st century’s version of flirting.

Don’t hide behind your phone and pretend to be someone else. If he doesn’t like you for you, he’s really not worth your time anyway. No use stressing yourself out trying to play mind games! You should be basically talking to him just like you would in person, and everything will fall into place.

Whether you’re texting your lifelong crush or that hottie from class for homework help, we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors! If you follow these simple guidelines, you should have no issues texting guys. Be yourself, be cool and be confident, and you’ll be a flirtexting pro!

Hookups can be one of the best kinds of relationships, especially in college. You get all the perks of having a steady someone to get with and cuddle at night without the pressures of being in a committed relationship. And since you both have seen each other naked - or at least, pretty close - there's really no point in holding back. Like, at all. Here are 50 things every girl should be able to say to her hook-up:

1. Did I leave a blue thong at your place?

2. You’re annoying me.

3. I like that shirt.

4. I hate that shirt.

5. Take your shirt off.

6. Do these pants make my butt look big?

7. I like it when you ______.

8. Come cuddle with me.

9. Can you sleep on the couch? You keep snoring.

10. What’s for breakfast?

11. Can you keep doing what you’re doing, only better?

12. Let’s try ______.

13. Do not put that in there. Ever. Unless I change my mind.

14. Can you brush your teeth first?

15. Come over, I’m horny.

16. I’m not in the mood tonight. Let's watch Netflix.

17. Can I borrow a sweatshirt?

18. And some toothpaste?

19. And your deodorant?

20. You look so hot with a little scruff.

21. Your stubble is stabbing my face.

22. Does I have a double chin from this angle?

23. Text me back.

24. But seriously, can we watch Netflix?

25. I’m happy for you that you finished and all, but I’m not done yet.

26. What are the chances you’d like to return the favor?

27. F*ck, marry, kill: *insert three of your friends' names*

28. There’s something in your teeth.

29. Can we steal one of your roommate’s condoms?

30. I didn’t shave my legs, and you're going to be okay with that.

31. Does my left boob look bigger than my right boob?

32. I’m on my period.

33. What does a boner feel like?

34. Ew, I need to shower.

35. Wanna take a shower together?

36. I’m all about snuggling and all, but I can’t breathe over here.

37. Will you drive me home?

38. Do you and your roommates just not believe in buying toilet paper?

39. Play with my hair.

40. Let’s get food. Like wings. And/or pizza.

41. Did you just fart?

42. We’re not being exclusive, right?

43. You can sleep over if you want, but my room looks like it imploded and I don’t plan on cleaning it.

44. Don’t cut your hair. Please do not cut your hair.

45. Should I get my hair cut or nah?

46. Do your roommates hate me?

47. I just burped. Pass me another beer please?

48. Your friend is hot.

49. Spot my cover and I’ll buy you a shot.

50. You can kiss me. Now.

Spoiler alert: your love life is not a Nicholas Sparks classic.

1. The Notebook: Noah asks Allie out with a grand, romantic gesture that’s impossible to refuse.

Your life: A guy shows you he’s interested in you by drunkenly grinding up on you at a frat party.

2. The Notebook: Noah and Allie’s first date is a movie (totally normal)... but then they go dancing in the street and basically fall in love instantly.

Your life: You and a guy have a “first date” in a dining hall. You eat questionable meat loaf and text other people the entire time.

3. The Notebook: Allie and Noah’s first kiss is straight steamy. No first kiss has ever gone that well.

Your life: Your last kiss was with that cute guy from your calc class (you think?) at the bar. It was a little sloppy, but it still counts, right?

4. The Notebook: Noah writes Allie a letter every. Single. Day. For a year.

Your life: The guy you've been hooking up with finally responds to your text from yesterday... at 2 a.m.

5. The Notebook: For Noah and Allie, fights last about 3.2 seconds and are immediately resolved with kisses.

Your life: A fight with your boyfriend usually ends with you ugly-crying and the silent treatment. For three days.

6. The Notebook: Noah says cute, overly romantic things, all the time, forever and ever.

Your life: The last time a guy said something nice to you was when he told you your shoe was untied. It was super thoughtful.

7. The Notebook: When Noah and Allie get intimate (you know the scene), it’s passionate, in the perfect setting and completely un-awkward in every way.

Your life: Seriously hooking up means squeaky dorm-room beds, paper-thin walls and that awkward conversation about condoms. Oh, and then your roommate walks in.

8. The Notebook: Noah fixes up an entire house for Allie, just because. And then he takes her on a romantic boat ride through a pond of swans. SWANS.

Your life: One time, a guy bought you a drink, flirted with you all night, asked for your number and then never contacted you again.

Basically, The Notebook is the most romantic thing that’s happened to our generation, and no real romance can ever compare.

Probably because our boyfriends aren’t Ryan Gosling.

You made it. You successfully battled through the limbo between friends and potentially something more. You survived the awkward, “Does he like me, or is it just my imagination?” phase. And you’re 97 percent sure that he is seriously digging you, but you can’t tell if he’s ready to take things to the next level and commit to you exclusively. Well, if he is showing any of the following signs, he may be ready to seal the deal and be your boyfriend.

1. He texts you on the reg

Men can be much simpler to decipher than women. Guys don’t waste time on things that are unimportant to them, especially when it comes to texting. Unlike collegiettes who sometimes feel the need to give everyone the time of day, guys don’t put in any more energy than is necessary.

When Brad, a junior at Emory University, wanted to show his now-girlfriend, Caitlin, that he was interested in being with her exclusively, he texted her like he was already in a relationship with her.

“I would text her each morning with a simple, ‘Good morning!’ and then again around dinner and once more before going to bed,” Brad says. “I just wanted her to know that I was thinking about her throughout the day.”

He certainly doesn’t text his friends, “Good morning, beautiful!” or, “I hope you have a good day! Good luck on your history exam!” When he remembers the little details, not only was he thinking about you, but he also genuinely wants you to be happy. By taking the time out to shoot you a quick text, he’s showing you that it’s no trouble at all for him to pause between rounds of Mario Kart to bring a smile to your face. And that’s a big deal.

2. He remembers the little things

He often can’t remember what he ate for dinner last night or even to feed his betta fish before leaving the house each morning, so that makes the fact that he remembered your favorite flavor of frozen yogurt that much more special. And he even added chocolate chips and gummy bears, just the way you like it!

Jasmine, a sophomore at Missouri State University, knew her now-boyfriend was going to stick around once he surprised her with a night full of her favorite things.

“It was perfect,” she says. “He picked me up and took me roller-skating, something I’d said I always wanted to do but had never actually done. And then he bought me my favorite ice cream and took me to where we had our first date. That’s where he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Because you’re important to him, the little things about you are important to him as well. Your favorite ice cream flavor, the way you like lemon with your water at restaurants and even landmarks where you shared some cool moments together are stored in a special place in his mind. It’s the knowledge he taps into whenever he wants to seem irresistibly thoughtful and cute, and it works every time. Remembering the little things is what sets him apart from the rest. 

3. He shows how he feels through body language

Unlike the creep from the bar last night who was too close for comfort, your hunk knows just want to get a little closer to you. His body language says it all. At a crowded party, he slides closer to you almost unperceptively and whispers that you look beautiful. He pulls you into him, welcoming you to lean on his chest while you’re watching a movie. And he puts a little extra oomph into that goodnight kiss, upping the ante every time and making each kiss better than the last.

Sophia knew her boyfriend wanted to be something more because “he was such a cuddler.”  She says, “It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced with a guy before. We would be watching a movie and cuddling, of course. But then the movie would end and the cuddling wouldn’t. We could just lay like that and talk for hours without doing anything else.”

Actions speak louder than words. And often, so does body language. If he’s consistently the one to initiate holding hands or even cuddling on the couch, he likes you. Guys don’t show their lovey-dovey side to just anybody.

4. He slips compliments into typical conversation

Guys don’t usually associate themselves with the word “feelings.” So when they say something that hints at their feelings for you, it’s important.

His feelings could be conveyed in a fleeting compliment as simple as, “You smell nice.” But when you translate that, he’s actually saying, “I like you. Let’s do this thing.”

When he wanted to ask his current girlfriend to go out with him, Derrick, a sophomore at the University of Chicago, wasn’t quite sure how to go about it at first. “I did the only thing I could think of at the time: I would just tell Caroline [his girlfriend] what I liked about her, and it worked,” he says.

Those compliments that you brush off without a second thought? Give them that second thought! He worked up to the courage to compliment the way the sun makes your hair a little more golden and your eyes a little brighter. Take it to heart. He means it and wants you to know he notices the little things that make you sparkle in his eyes.

5. He does things he wouldn’t normally do

He’ll learn to love Bravo and memorize all the shows on that channel. That’s what Abby, a junior at Loyola University Chicago, says her boyfriend did. “I knew he really liked me when he would come over and watch Real Housewives with me,” she says. “And eventually, even though I already knew it was coming, he just came right out and told me how he felt. He was pretty clear about his feelings for me, whether or not he knew it at the time.”

Even if he may think he’s being stealthy about his slick moves to win you over, you know what he’s up to. He’s not walking 20 minutes across campus to study with his friends. He’s not helping his friends move in a million boxes to their new apartments. He’s different with you, and he wants you to realize that he’s different with you.

Whether he’s texting you cute “Good morning!” texts or simply complimenting how particularly nice you look today, he’s showing that he’s into you. And not only that, but he wants to continue letting you know how much he likes you—but in a more committed relationship. He likes it, and he’s going to put a [label] on it.

America is the land of the free and the home of the online dating sites. Maybe you’ve tried one out yourself, or maybe you’re just morbidly curious about the universe of potential romance that lies between “www” and “dot com.” No matter what the case is, you’re a part of a generation that relies heavily on using online dating resources to find love. Don’t believe us? Get this: more than one-third of U.S. marriages today are the result of relationships that began online. There are, of course, the stalwart dating sites that you’ve come across simply by virtue of being a human with access to the Internet: we’re talking Match.com, eHarmony and OkCupid. What you may be surprised to hear, however, is that there are tons of bizarre dating sites you won’t even believe exist lurking in the corners of the Internet. Luckily for you, we’ve scoured every inch of the Internet and compiled some of the strangest, funniest or just uncomfortably specific dating sites on the web. Which one is calling to you?

1. PURRsonals

Remember that crazy funny video of the girl making her profile video for eHarmony who started crying mid-bio talking about cats? Okay, so maybe that turned out to be fake, but what is important is that instead of perusing eHarmony, girlfriend should have been creating a profile on PURRsonals, a dating site dedicated to cat lovers. If it sounds super weird, that’s because it is. If you join now, it’s free, and they’ll even send you a free eBook worth $15! What’s the eBook about, you ask? Cat care. Like, seriously. Cat care.

2. DiaperMates

Are you an adult diaper lover? Are you searching for a relationship with another fully grown man or woman who likes to do his or her business in a glorified sack tied around the waist? If you said “yes” to either of these questions, then DiaperMates might be the online dating site for you. You may be inclined to assume that the largest demographic of members on the site is, well, geriatric, but that’s not true. Almost half of the total members on DiaperMates are between 21 and 29. Personally, we want to stay all kinds of far away from anything that goes down on this site. It’s just too weird. It’s worth it to mention that the site doesn’t allow poop pictures – not that that makes it any better.

3. FarmersOnly

Lots of people have heard of FarmersOnly, thanks to their stellar commercial campaign complete with tagline “City Folks Just Don’t Get It.” We actually applaud the efforts of this particular site. After plowing the fields all day, it’s probably tough to muster up the energy to go out to bars (or wherever farmers go) to meet people. We’re not sure what the exact qualifications are for being a farmer, but we’re assuming our sad attempt at growing our own herbs doesn’t exactly count. Anyone on the site want to teach us the ways of agricultural living?

4. Vampire Passions

If you’re still holding on to your last desperate hope that Edward Cullen is going to ditch Bella and come live with you for eternity, then it might be time to take matters into your own hands. Instead of waiting for Edward to come to you, why not go to him? Vampire Passions is a dating site for people who legitimately think that they’re vampires and are looking to drink the blood of other humans. You can even search for people who like drinking the same blood type as you do. Apparently that turns some people on.

5. NaturistPassion.com

Say that you’re really into the life of a nudist. Say, again, that you’re really into dating someone else who wants to live the life of a nudist. Though it may be hard to bring that up in conversation on a different dating site, NaturistPassion.com is the perfect place to meet other nudists without having the awkward, “So, what are your feelings on public nudity?” conversation. We’re a little confused as to where exactly you could go on a date with another nudist (other than a nude beach… or your own home), but there are tens of thousands of members on this site, so they must be figuring something out. Our advice is to steer clear of this website while at work. Your boss may not be as understanding about browsing naked people on the Internet as you wish he was.

6. Stache Passions

What’s your favorite fetish? For certain people, it’s moustaches. Maybe you have one, love a man who sports one or just are generally intrigued by facial hair. Whatever the case, check out Stache Passions, which is a real place on the Internet where people who have an affinity for moustaches come together and form romantic relationships. You can even narrow your search by stache type. Are you more of a Dali girl? Or do you go weak at the knees for a good ole handlebar? (Just stay away from any guy trying to bring back the Hitler stache; that’s our one piece of advice.) The jury is still out on what happens if a member shaves. Are you forced to leave? We’ll get back to you on that one.

7. Sea Captain Date

Talk about having a type. If you can’t get enough of Captain Ahab or you just like the seafaring type, check out Sea Captain Date to become some lucky man’s first mate. Maybe on date night you can heat things up by reading The Old Man and the Sea out loud to each other. Or, after a crazy romantic night, you can tell your friends that your boyfriend “really adjusted your sails” or “made you feel like a mermaid.” Whatever that means. According to the website’s front page, there are over 10,000 captains who are members (this number is surprising mostly because we’re shocked there are that many sea captains, period).

Which one are you mostly likely to try out? Maybe we should start a Her Campus dating site. HCCampusCuties.com, anyone? Let us know what you think! 

The next time you're scrolling through your matches and you want to start a conversation on Tinder, think about asking some real questions. Yes, you could figure out where he's from or what he's studying or how many dogs he has, but what you really want to know is whether or not he will pick the right flavor of Ben & Jerry's to bring to you when you're at home watching Grey's Anatomy. Here are some questions you can ask that will get you the Tinder man of your dreams.

1. If I eat an entire pizza in one sitting, will you be grossed out or proud?

2. Groutfit or bloutfit?

3. Peanut butter: in a sandwich, or out of the jar?

4. How many cats do you want when you're older?

5. How do you feel about giving massages?

6. Red, white, rosé or one of each?

7. How do you feel about my taking another lover: Netflix?

8. Does shopping count as cardio?

9. To what extent can you support said theoretical shopping addiction?

10. How would you describe your taste in music, on a scale of One Direction to Taylor Swift?

11. But seriously, about the pizza: Are you more like five times a week, or 10?

Get the answers you really want, collegiettes. All you have to do is ask the right questions!

There's this guy at work that I really like, and I think he feels the same way but I'm not sure. He's a year older than me (I'm 19, he's 20), and he’s a manager at the place [where] I work, but we get along really well. My coworkers have said he does treat me different from everyone else, and whenever we're near each other or talking, they start giggling and making comments, so I don't know if he said something because they said they would set me up with him. He's really sweet and a dork, but I've never dated and I'm shy so I'm afraid to ask him even to hang out – not that he’s mean, but it could be weird if he knew my feelings and [didn’t] return them. He does call me “girly,” “sweetheart” and “darling” and he usually only says it to me (he calls every other girl “girly” though). Is he just really comfortable around me because I don’t throw myself at him like all the other girls do, or because he wants to be more than friends? – Confused in Florida

This is always a tricky situation, Florida.

On one hand, you have the potentially super-awkward issue of dating a coworker. On the other, you don’t even know if that’s something he wants. In this way, you’re almost d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don’t.

My advice to you is to keep talking to him. Don’t throw yourself at him, because he may very well be interested in you because you don’t do that (among other reasons, I’m sure). Just keep talking to him and maybe up the flirtation a notch or two. Show him you’re interested in subtle ways like touching his arm or shooting him a random smile.

I can’t tell you for sure if he’s interested in dating, but calling a girl by those kinds of pet names usually means he’s got some sort of attraction to you (I’m more of a “babe” or “sweetheart” kind of guy, though I’m told the latter of those two can come off as condescending sometimes… whoops!). How does he look at you? Do you catch him stealing glances at you every now and then? Does he aim to get your attention over any other girl’s? These aren’t guaranteed signs that he’s interested, but more often than not they tend to be.

If you want to play the situation out, keep flirting and see if you can get a better grasp on how he’s feeling about the whole thing. If he sees you in that light, he’ll come around eventually. As to when exactly you should pop the question… you know, I can’t tell you that. That’s a gut instinct. When you feel like you’ve reached the make-or-break moment of flirtation, that’s when I think you should do it. There isn’t some “set in stone” timeframe, though.

But let’s say you do ask him to hang out or go out on a date and he says yes. That’s obviously the positive reaction because it confirms that he’s into you. Maybe you go grab lunch, maybe a movie (cliché as all get-out, but hey, who am I to tell you what to do?) or maybe you go to a party. Whatever the choice, you want him to say yes. There are no surefire ways to guarantee that answer, though, so your best bet — should you choose to make the first move — is to be sweet about it. Make it casual, nothing too serious. Something like, “I know we work together, but I was wondering if you’d like to…” would acknowledge that you’re coworkers but also acknowledges that you’re both human beings with normal human feelings. You like the guy and you want to go out. Like I said, keep it simple and casual and you should be okay.

On the flipside, let’s say you ask him out and he says no. Don’t be too alarmed and don’t get frustrated or angry with him. It’s easy to confuse feelings sometimes. There are still times when I’m not sure if my barista is flirting with me or just being nice to me! If he says no, just take it in stride. Maybe he doesn’t see you that way or maybe he doesn’t want to make things awkward at work. While they may still be awkward for a few days, that doesn’t mean that you two can’t be friendly coworkers. If he says no, I promise that you will recover. There are worse things in life.

If he says no, don’t get upset with him. Don’t take a few days off to avoid him. Don’t quit your job (I’ve seen it happen in situations like these and people almost always regret that decision). Accept that some people just aren’t “meant” to go out, and respect his decision and the reasons behind it. Whatever you do, don’t press the issue and try to convince him to go out with you — that is guaranteed to make things ridiculously awkward.

Now the only issue is who should ask whom out. While it’s entirely up to you, I think you should go for it.

Movies constantly portray unrealistic scenarios, especially where romance is concerned. Full of seemingly flawless relationships and romantic clichés, romance movies often leave us wondering where exactly our perfect, big screen Prince Charming has been all our lives.

But before you let frustration take over and write off romance movies completely, go back through some old flicks and take a good, hard look. Hollywood has come up with movies that teach you true lessons about love, whether they have happy or sad endings. Read on for your list of romance movies that are accurate and true to life!

1. (500) Days of Summer

The Plot

Greeting card artist Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) sees beautiful, quirky Summer (Zooey Deschanel) in a classic tale of boy-meets-girl. But from there, the story takes a turn once we realize that while Tom believes in love, Summer denies that it exists. What begins as a whirlwind romance gradually fades away as Tom realizes that his love for Summer isn’t mutual, and that he could very well lose who he thought was The One.

Love Lesson Learned

As much as we wish that every person who falls for someone gets the guy or gal, the truth is that feelings aren’t always reciprocated. At the time, unrequited love may feel like the worst possible thing to happen to you, but remember that not getting the guy you fall for isn’t the end of the world. There’s always someone out there who will feel the same way for you as you do for them, so don’t let one unrequited love bog you down! Plus, that person could appear at the most unexpected time...

2. Bridget Jones’s Diary

The Plot

Meet Bridget Jones (Renée Zellweger): a 30-something, clumsy, slightly chubby woman who is the opposite of every picture-perfect Hollywood star. Worst of all, she’s single. As she dreams about her boss, Daniel (Hugh Grant), Bridget re-meets childhood family friend Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) at a Christmas party. The pair immediately dislike each other in this modern Pride and Prejudice-inspired story. But as time goes on, Bridget discovers that there may be more to Mark than meets the eye in this hilarious but touching romantic comedy.

Love Lesson Learned

Bridget is an ordinary woman who has firsthand experience with a truth about love: you often fall for the most unexpected person! Love is surprising and hard to sort out a lot of the time, especially when you have to choose between your hot boss and a real-life Mr. Darcy (who are duking it out in a public fountain). Choosing Mr. Right is often not easy at all, but the man who you once never even considered could end up being a great guy. So the next time you’re at that family Christmas party, don’t write off that guy standing by the tree in the ugliest sweater you’ve ever seen, because there could be more to him than you think.

3. Like Crazy

The Plot

British exchange student Anna (Felicity Jones) and design student Jacob (Anton Yelchin) meet and fall in love, with Anna eventually overstaying her student visa to be with her new boyfriend. But little did the couple know that the legal fallout from Anna’s decision would keep them apart, complicating things for the couple as they struggle to start new careers post-college. Full of ups and downs, Like Crazy follows a long-distance romance through the years as Anna and Jacob try not only to stay together, but also to decide if their love is worth fighting for.

Love Lesson Learned

In Anna and Jacob’s case, distance, adjusting to post-college life, legal battles, and the possibility of meeting new people were all factors that could break their relationship. Most of those are also factors that take their toll on our real-life relationships, too. No matter whether you’re doing long distance or not, there will always be situations that pop up and threaten your relationship. Love doesn’t necessarily triumph over all, but by working through your issues together with a lot of cool-headed communication, you can definitely get through a lot, especially if you love each other like crazy.

4. Blue Valentine

The Plot

One of the most depressing movies of 2010 was this ill-fated romance between high school dropout Dean (Ryan Gosling) and nurse Cindy (Michelle Williams). Through flashbacks of their romantic past and emotionally-charged scenes of the present, Blue Valentine tells the story of a couple who fell in love, but whose marriage eventually crumbled through the years, leaving all of us watching in a teary mess.

Love Lesson Learned

So what changed, you ask? The truth is that what we want in a relationship changes through the years, and that means that the kind of person we want to be with can change, too. While Dean and Cindy were perfect for each other when they first met, they both became very different people after a few years. Sometimes, both you and your boyfriend will change in ways that still complement each other, but sometimes you’ll grow apart. In the end, we’re all still growing up, which means that what we want can be very different at each given time.

5. My Best Friend’s Wedding

The Plot

Julianne (Julia Roberts) and Michael (Dermot Mulroney) are two best friends with a pact to marry each other if they’re both single once they turn 28. But, three weeks before her 28th birthday, Julianne learns that Michael is marrying Kimberly (Cameron Diaz), news that makes her realize that she has loved Michael all along. And so Julianne flies off to Chicago, keen on sabotaging Michael’s marriage and winning him for herself instead.

Love Lesson Learned

Sometimes, you just have to let go. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re the best person for somebody; it might be best to back away and let the other person decide how they feel for themselves. While it’s true that Julianne was a great best friend to Michael, she eventually had to understand that although Michael had loved her in the past, he now loved Kimberly. Other peoples’ decisions may not align with your wants, but keep in mind that a lot of the time, letting go gives you room for new beginnings and a new shot at happiness!

See, movies can still be real and not trick you where romance is concerned! So in the end, don’t get too bogged down by those giant Hollywood-created fairy tales where everything is too perfect to be true, because there are flicks out there for you to learn real love lessons from.
 

Your ex-boyfriend may have been attractive, but definitely not as adorable as these puppies. The next time boy troubles get you down, don't forget that any puppy would be happy to snuggle with you... and would be a way better boyfriend than your annoying ex or unrequited crush. Here are a few reasons why.

1. Telling him to "sit and stay" is not "demeaning" or "insulting."

2. He can't eat chocolate... so there's more for you.

3. If he hogs the bed, it's okay for you to push him off. He has his own.

4. If you forget his birthday, he'll probably forgive you for it tomorrow.

5. He doesn't find it unmanly to go shoe shopping.

6. He won't send you confusing texts. He doesn't even know how to text!

7. You always know what to get him for your anniversary.

8. He probably won't notice if you don't shave your legs.

9. He knows how to be romantic (like, Lady and the Tramp romantic).

10. When he begs for things, it's really cute.

11. He looks way better in sweaters.

12. He loves Netflix as much as you do.

13. You love his friends!

14. He's always happy to see you, no matter what.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I have dated this guy for three years now; the first year was okay, but the two years we were in a long-distance relationship, he started cheating on me and things were tough. I forgave him three times. This year I found out he was cheating on me with a girl who knows I exist, but still doesn’t care about it. My guy has been pleading that we get back together since he only loves me and he always dumps the girls if I find out immediately.

I believe he loves me because he treats me well and introduced me to his family, but the big problem is that I’m afraid about whether or not he will cheat on me, because the long distance is almost coming to an end and we will be near each other again. Please help, I’m confused about if I should accept his request or just move on. – Lillian

Lillian,

By constantly forgiving him, you’re just giving him the freedom to do it again. Distance is not an excuse to cheat, and I’m convinced that if he really loved you, he would shut down any women that came onto him.

You say that he always dumps the girls if you find out immediately. The red flag here for me isn’t that he’s cheating (well, it kind of is, but it isn’t the worst part), it’s that he dumps them if (and only if) you find out. How do you know that there haven’t been — or still aren’t — other girls that he’s with? These are just the ones you found out about, and him “dumping” them doesn’t mean he loves you. It means he got caught and played coy to get back to your good graces.

The simple fact is that you’re lying to yourself. I’m calling it as I see it. You believe he loves you because he treats you well? Is this what you call “treating you well”? If it is, you need to re-examine your priorities.

You have no guarantees that his cheating will end when you two are closer. You have no guarantees that he isn’t still cheating on you. And while he deserves a fair amount of blame for this problem, you’ve let him get away with it for too long. By now, he just knows that if he gets caught, all he has to do is “dump” the girl, and all is forgiven. You have given him no consequences. He is free to take advantage of your emotions. It’s disgusting, obviously, but you need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. There is no saving this relationship. The next time you talk to him, you need to end things. Be firm in your decision and know that dropping this jerk from your life will put you on a path to something that doesn’t make you feel this confused or upset or fearful. 

We all know Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Vine are way more fun when you can post photos and videos of that special someone you enjoying spending time with. However, social media can be dangerous to any relationship if used incorrectly! Be sure to avoid making mistakes that can throw your relationship into risky waters.

Mistake #1: Over-Sharing About Your Relationship

If you’re not aware how your partner feels about PODA (Public Online Displays of Affection), you should check—it’s important to respect those boundaries. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, reminds us that posting about your relationship online without your partner’s consent is inconsiderate.

She notes that you need to make sure your partner is on board with online mushiness; otherwise, it violates a boundary. But even if your guy is okay with you posting endless photos and statuses about him, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. “Part of the joy of a relationship is the secret world you inhabit,” Durvasula says. “So keep some of it secret.”

Don’t worry, though; if he’s upset that you posted about the pointy ear he’s embarrassed of or the amount of beans he had at dinner the other night, you can still fix it. “Own up to your mistakes,” Durvasula says. “Sit with him and figure out what the two of you consider to be ‘appropriate conduct’ in the electronic space.”

Mistake #2: Posting Sexy Photos

Posting revealing pictures of yourself, like photos of you posing suggestively in a tiny bikini or close-ups of you in your extra-low-cut shirt, on any form of social media will almost surely spark jealousy from your guy. Mark Sharp, a clinical psychologist at The Aiki Relationship Institute, says that “putting [these photos] on social media… is likely to trigger stuff for some guys.”

Dylan*, a sophomore at Northwestern University, agrees. “I obviously don’t have a problem you looking sexy, it’s the fact that you’re sharing it with the entire online world and it seems like you just want attention,” he says.

Lesli Doares, a marriage counselor, says “a good rule of thumb when dealing with social media is that if you wouldn’t do it/say it with your partner right there, you shouldn’t share it online.” So unless your partner is okay with you posting all those sultry shots, try to keep your photos appropriate.

Mistake #3: Actively Keeping in Touch With Your Ex

While you and your ex may have managed to stay friends, you shouldn’t be actively interacting with him through social media by liking all his statuses and posting cutesy comments on his photos. Exes are a touchy subject in any relationship, and cyber-flaunting the fact that you’re friends with someone you used to date isn’t ever a good idea.

Sharp says that many people can develop reasonable friendships with exes, and those should be supported. However, if you’re interacting with your ex online to provoke jealousy or garner attention from your current boyfriend, that’s another story entirely. “You’re probably playing around with stuff that’s a little bit dangerous,” he says.

Mistake #4: Monitoring His Profile

Of course we’ve flipped back through his profile pictures and we check out his wall from time, but no one likes a mega creeper. So yeah, sometimes we spend time decoding his texts or we wonder what he meant by that cryptic status, but it’s definitely a turn-off to guys when they feel like you’re watching and obsessing about their every move.

If something is bothering you about what your guy has been doing online, talk to him about it. Durvasula says it’s important to communicate with your partner instead of making assumptions or getting possessive. “No need to call him out on every like,” she says.

Mistake #5: Subtweeting (and Other Petty Posts!)

Getting called out for something sucks, but getting called out for something in a public, online space is way worse. Matthew, a junior at UC Berkeley, hates the immaturity of subtweets. “Subtweets are the worst,” he says.

Posting about how you “hate getting canceled on at the last minute, ugh” is not a good way of handling problems in your relationship, and it makes you seem petty. Instead of subtweeting, Matthew says, “talk to [me] instead.”

Most guys agree that you should steer clear from posting vague or passive-aggressive statuses. Jacob, a sophomore at the University of Michigan, says that if something is seriously distressing his girlfriend, he wants to hear about it before it goes on Facebook. “If I see some vague, frustrated status about her life, I’m going to assume it’s [because of] me,” he says.

Make sure you don’t let social media negatively affect your relationship! Express appreciation for your partner, communicate with each other, maintain boundaries between your real life and your cyber life and don’t share too much—you’ll both be much happier. Keeping your relationship healthy online doesn’t take a lot of effort, and in the long run, it’ll make the relationship that much more likely to last.

*Names have been changed.

Porn is a topic that many collegiettes wonder about but would never talk about openly. Sure, plenty of movies and television shows depict young men watching porn (and awkwardly getting caught by their parents), but rarely are women ever depicted watching porn; if anything, it’s considered an “icky” topic for ladies.

So the big question is: do collegiettes watch porn? And what are their feelings on it? Her Campus surveyed more than 50 college women nationwide, a huge portion of whom (more than half!) watch porn. So, what are their reasons for watching it or not? These ladies will tell you themselves!

Why do collegiettes watch porn?

Of the 52 women we surveyed, 58 percent said they watch porn. Of these 30 women, all of them said they started watching it in college. Some collegiettes started watching it for experimentation or fantasy; others were just curious and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Almost all of these women said they that watch it alone, but two of them watch it with their boyfriends as a means to spice things up in the relationship.

But the question is, is porn a disgusting thing to watch? Our experts tell us that a little porn isn’t bad! Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel, creators of the Somatica Method of sex coaching and relationship therapy, think that porn can be an important step for collegiettes who are just starting to explore their sexualities. “We think that it is wonderful for women to spark their fantasies in all sorts of ways, including porn,” they said in a joint statement.

In addition, watching porn can be a big stress reliever! “Do you ever feel tenser after releasing a big O? Nope, definitely not,” says Dr. Sadie Allison, founder of TickleKitty.com. “Self-love and sex can release stress and relax your entire body, which can in turn make it easier to focus on other aspects of your life.”

Dr. Allison also believes that watching porn can help with sexual confidence. Some ladies might want help figuring out which techniques and positions to try but feel shy about asking others, so porn could be beneficial to them.

What do collegiettes who watch porn think about it?

“I actually started watching porn when I got to college because I got freaked out by how sexual college seemed. People were talking about hooking up constantly, and I didn’t want to be left behind or be inexperienced.” – Jessica*, Wesleyan University ‘16

“I watch porn and think it’s completely natural. I took a class on ancient civilizations, and I learned that the people in these cultures all had their own ways of doing and watching porn, which I found fascinating. However, I do think porn has changed since 2000 B.C., and college women should give a lot of thought to their health, privacy and safety if they’re going to watch it.” – Melissa*, Sarah Lawrence College ‘14

“I watch porn to get in the mood sometimes, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Sex is a complicated and tricky thing, and different things work for different people.” – Alex*, University of Southern California ‘14

“My boyfriend and I started watching porn when we wanted to spice things up in our relationship. We’ve been dating for over three years, so after a while, we were looking for something new. It was actually kind of exhilarating (and a little awkward at first) to try out some of the stuff we saw, but in a strange way, it made our relationship stronger.” – Lauren*, New York University ‘14

“I watch porn, and I have since my freshman year. I think a lot of girls get grossed out by the idea of it, but it honestly made me more cognizant of sex in general—how stuff works, what doesn’t work, what to try, things like that. I think regardless of how you do it, it’s important to get acquainted with your body and with sex, and porn is just how I went about it.” – Julie*, Wesleyan University ‘15

What are the downsides to watching porn?

Kelly Notaras, a sex and relationship consultant, thinks porn might not be the best way to learn about your own sexuality. “The basic reason is that porn teaches us to have a type of sex that looks and sounds good on camera—rather than sex that actually feels good,” she explains. “The deepest, most connected, most erotic sexual engagement often looks slow and unimpressive from the outside.”

Dr. Allison agrees, highlighting that porn can create false body and performance expectations. “Yes, porn stars are beautiful with rock-hard bodies and perfect performance tools, but that doesn’t mean you should view yourself any differently after watching a skin flick,” she says. “Porn stars are paid to sell you on the fantasy, and all human bodies are beautiful in their own way. Besides, having sex or masturbating is supposed to make you feel sexier; if anything you’re watching is making you feel uncomfortable, it might be time to try something else.”

Furthermore, Hirschman and Harel explain that porn can have negative psychological effects. “The drawbacks for young women would be if this [is] the only or main place they are exploring their desires and fantasies,” they explain. “Porn, in general, bypasses our physiological arousal system and works through psychological arousal, so it is very quick and may make women feel like their regular arousal curve during sex is too slow, when, in fact, physiological arousal is much slower.”

What do collegiettes who don’t watch porn think of it?

“I personally do not watch porn, but I think it’s totally okay for women to do so! College is about experimentation, and people can do as they please in the privacy of their own homes or dorm rooms.” – Jenna*, New York University ‘15

“I personally choose not to watch porn because I think it’s disgusting. I know other people do and I’m all for people doing what they want to do, but it’s not something I’m interested in, nor would I watch it in the future.” – Rachel*, University of Virginia ‘16

“I think porn can have many negative ‘side effects’ that many people don’t really question. For example, a lot of porn websites are teeming with viruses, and it’s easy to catch one on your computer; I don’t really think there’s such a thing as a ‘safe porn website,’ and replacing your hardware could lead to expenses and a little embarrassment. In addition, there’s the psychological effect of it all. Many of the things porn stars do aren’t realistic; a lot of times, they’re degrading, unsafe and unhealthy. Watching these things can give someone an illogical or distorted perception of sex and relationships, and these thoughts can get worse over time.” – Jamie*, University of Southern California ‘16

“I choose not to watch porn. Someone in my family has a sex addiction, and it all started with that person watching too much porn. I think, though, it can be okay for some people and purposes, [but] it’s easy to get carried away. Any person (collegiette or otherwise) should give a lot of thought to it before doing it, much like any other big decision.”– Rebecca*, University of Arizona ‘14

“I think there are healthier ways to pursue relationships and sex than porn. Colleges need to talk about sex in a more positive and healthy way (as opposed to the “Use condoms! Don’t get STDs!” thing they’re doing now), and I think doing so will lead to fewer people watching porn and more people being happy with their sex lives.” – Katherine*, University of Florida ‘15

So, porn or no porn?

What’s the takeaway from all these collegiettes sharing their thoughts and opinions? Watching porn is more common than you think, but the decision to do it or not is completely up to you! Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do, and like any other decision, it’s important to weigh the pros and cons and also think about what works for you.

What do the experts recommend for collegiettes looking to explore their sexuality? Hirschman and Harel have a couple of suggestions. “In order for women to find out what they want sexually, it would also be helpful for them to masturbate without porn and read how-to books about how their body works, to find out what makes their body feel good and to be able to ask specifically for certain kinds of touch from their lovers,” they say.

Exploring your sexuality is important for both your health and your general well-being, so figure out what’s best for you!

*Names have been changed.
 

Sometimes, you’re just not that into him. While you can always let an objectionable bachelor ogling you from across the dance floor down firmly, but politely, we’ve found that evasion and deceit can work just as effectively! From outrageous claims to unsolicited confessions, here is the official Her Campus list of phrases you can use to turn someone down––without being the least bit polite.

1. I’d love to go out with you Saturday, but I’m going to have a migraine that night.

2. I think I hear someone calling me… way, way over there. (And then bail!)

3. You want to make out right now? I don’t think that’s a great idea, what with my infectious mouth disease and all…

4. I suffer from somnambulism, so if I go home with you I might end up raiding your fridge and eating all your leftovers in the middle of the night.

5. Sorry, but my mom is really set on me marrying someone who’s Greek Orthodox.

6. This feels like the beginning of a really great friendship!

7. I’d love a drink, as long as you’re not under the impression that offering me one will entice me to hook up with you later.

8. My pet goldfish just passed away, so this really isn’t a great time for me to be seeing anyone.

9. It’s nice; being around you is just like being around my brother!

10. I’d probably be more into this if the pregnancy test I took this morning hadn’t been positive.

11. If only I hadn’t just enrolled in a convent…

12. It’s not you; it’s your facial hair. And your shirt. And your personality.

13. I’m sure you’re a great dancer, but due to my claustrophobic tendencies I need to maintain a five-foot radius around me on the dance floor at all times.

14. I’m deaf in my left ear, so I can’t really understand what you’re saying. Nope, sorry, still can’t hear you––my right ear isn’t that great either.

15. I’d totally give you my number, but I’m not sure my girlfriend would be thrilled about it.

16. I’d love to get dinner with you, but I’m a gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free vegan who’s allergic to shellfish and nuts, so my options are pretty limited.

17. I have genital herpes, so…

18. Sorry, but I just remembered that I have to go trim my split ends right now.

19. My parents just got divorced 13 years ago, so I’m still pretty fragile.  

20. It’s been great talking to you, but I think I’m going to go talk to that really attractive guy over by the bar now.

21. See this ring I’m wearing? It’s from when I made my vow of abstinence.

22. I’ve had a lot to drink tonight and I’m probably going to vomit sometime within the next 20 minutes, so I’m just going to terminate this conversation now.

23. Samahani, mimi si kuzungumza Kiingereza. (Translation: “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English.” Hopefully, he doesn’t speak Swahili!)

24. I’d love to go out with you tomorrow, but I’m going to have an unexpected family emergency.

25. I’m writing my women’s studies thesis on the patriarchal system behind courtship rituals, so dating isn’t really something I ethically support right now. 

26. I only date men who have been the face of a major fashion ad campaign.

27. Talking to you makes me feel like I’m talking to one of my girlfriends!

28. My parents told me I’m not allowed to date until I get married.

29. I have a very meticulous bedtime beauty regimen, so unless you have a microdermabrasion scrub brush and replenishing eye cream at your apartment, I’m not going to be able to go home with you.

30. Hanging out tomorrow would be great, but the thing is I’ve already made plans with my DVR and a jar of Nutella.

31. My marriage has been arranged since I was five, so…

32. I’m sure you’ll make some girl that isn’t me really, really happy some day.

33. I would totally be down to make out if I hadn’t just eaten that garlic, onion, and hot pepper gyro.

34. I don’t believe in monogamy, so I think it’s best I just spare you the heartache.

35. I’d love to go see a movie with you, but I’ve already seen every single movie that’s in theaters right now.

36. You don’t have any better-looking friends with you, do you?

37. Sorry, I’m saving myself for Ryan Gosling.  

38. I’m a (your astrological sign), so I really think I’d be more compatible with a (any astrological sign that isn’t his).

39. I’d give you my number, but I actually don’t own a cell phone. No, sorry, no email address either. And you definitely won’t find me on any social networking sites.

40. I don’t believe in engaging in intimate relationships due to my deep-seated abandonment issues.

41. Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow night. I already made plans to shave my legs and attempt impossible Pinterest recipes.

42. It’s such a relief that you’re gay! …You are gay, right?

43. I’m just going to be frank: I’m menstruating. So, hooking up with you tonight—not going to happen.  

44. I would totally let you kiss me right now, but this piece of gum I’m chewing still has a lot of flavor left and I really don’t want to spit it out yet (or ever).

45. I think that’s my phone ringing… I better go take this call way, way over there.

46. Dinner this weekend would be great, but unfortunately I only eat solid foods on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

47. Oh, wait, I think I just spotted someone else that I’d rather be talking to!

48. I’m almost positive I forgot to put on deodorant before I left my dorm tonight, so you might want to maintain your distance.

49. I actually identify as asexual, so…

50. I’d go out with you, but I’d be afraid of my future children inheriting your nose.

Go break some hearts, collegiettes!
 

College relationships are complicated. No one knows what he or she is doing, everyone hooks up with everyone and a lot of the time you have absolutely no idea where you stand with a “romantic” partner. Arguably the most complicated of all, however, are hookups.

At the time of getting into a no-strings attached relationship, you probably thought that the idea sounded fun and easy. Once you realize that your life has not become a romantic comedy, though, you might change your mind. Since you’re not actually dating the person, it’s way scarier to say how you feel and thereby get what you want out of the relationship. Even asking when the last time the sheets were washed – something you seriously want to know – can seem intimidating. Here are a few things we want to have the courage to say – and should!

1. “Let’s define the relationship”

Before you get into any type of romantic or sexual relationship, it’s always important that both people know exactly what the terms are. If you’re thinking, “Well, duh,” you might be surprised to find out that experts say we are actually terrible at doing this.

Dr. Lisa Wade, associate professor and chair of the sociology department at Occidental College, says that college students in hookups are typically afraid to ask the other person to sit down with them and have “DTR” conversation. “When people are scared, they just don’t define the situation, which makes it really hard to redefine the situation if you ever want to,” Dr. Wade says. “There should always be an open door to talk about what the relationship is.”

As Dr. Wade explains, not defining the relationship can cause awkward issues later on. Mary Claire*, a junior at the University of Georgia, ran into trouble with her hookup buddy after the guy she thought was just a hookup asked her to meet his mom and dad while they were in town for Parents’ Weekend. “It was really awkward,” she says. “We had hooked up four or five times, and he had never shown any signs of liking me [romantically]. He asked me to come to brunch with his parents and I was so shocked, I didn’t even know what to say. I told him no, and then we stopped hooking up.”

Lesson learned: Sit down and have the talk. You’ll both feel more comfortable knowing the terms and it will be a lot easier to change them later on if need be.

2. “I want something more meaningful”

It’s common knowledge that if we’re not somewhat careful about the people we hook up with, we run the risk of hurting our self-esteem. Despite our best attempts at keeping emotions out of the way, the fact is that sex is intimate, and it can be harder than we think to not get attached.

Maybe you originally thought you wanted a carefree, no-strings-attached relationship. If or when that changes, though, you should to tell him or her you’re no longer getting what you want. Dr. Carole Lieberman, a Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, encourages women to be honest with their sexual partner about why they want to move on.

“You should be able to tell your hookup buddy, ‘Hey, this arrangement has been great, but now I’m feeling a little empty after each time we have sex and I want something more meaningful with someone,’” Dr. Lieberman says. Opening up about your feelings may seem scary, but the only way to open yourself up to other potential romances is to end the relationship you’re currently unsatisfied in. 

3. “Ask me what I like in bed”

While experts agree that friends with benefits are bad at communicating with each other about practically everything, there’s one topic that couples in all kinds of relationships tend to avoid. Ironically, it’s the one that we should probably talk the most about: pleasure.

According to Dr. Wade, hookup buddies are shy about telling their partners want they want in bed. She says that this is partially due to women wanting to seem laid-back, and we agree with her when she says that it’s a major problem. “Everybody’s trying to seem like they don’t really care,” she explains, “because that’s how [we’ve learned that] you don’t seem desperate; it leads to a downward spiral where nobody wins.”

Imagine what it would be like if we all stopped playing this repetitive game: Instead of pretending like you like when he kisses your ear or when she rubs her foot against yours, tell your hookup buddy what you’d rather him or her do. Find out what your cutie likes and clue him or her into what you want. It’ll open a whole new world of pleasure.

4. “Can I keep stuff at your place?”

No, you’re not dating. Yes, you would still like to not have to transport a bag of necessities every time you’re at your hookup’s place. If you’re regularly hooking up – and especially if you’re sleeping over – you have a right to ask to keep a few things around. You don’t have to have an entire drawer to yourself, but a few pairs of underwear and a toothbrush would definitely be nice.

Kristen*, a junior at The University of Texas, never left anything at her last hookup buddy’s place because neither of them talked about it. “I wish he had offered to let me leave a toothbrush and makeup remover over there,” she says. “I would have to wake up and sneak into his bathroom in the middle of the night to brush my teeth with my finger.”

No one wants to brush her teeth with her finger at 2 a.m. Just ask for a little space – and, if you’re the host, be willing to offer up some room as well.

5. “I’m falling for you”

This one is a kicker, and according to Dr. Lieberman, it’s all too common. That isn’t exactly rocket science; after all, in the movies, the couple always ends up together. While you definitely shouldn’t get into this kind of relationship with the intention of one day becoming a couple, it tends to happen accidentally with at least one person.

Unfortunately for those of us who like to sweep things under the rug, Dr. Lieberman says that the worst thing you can do is ignore it – even if it would make your life easier. “You don’t want to ignore signs of a growing attraction because you just want to keep it at the friends-with-benefits level,” she advises.

Out of all the things we wish we could say, this one is probably the scariest. You don’t want to come on too strong and make your partner feel pressured, but a little bit of opening up about how you think you might be into something more romantic could put you two on a path to becoming a couple. Who knows? Maybe he or she will feel the same way.

6. “I deserve to be respected”

The funny thing about this one is that it should be completely obvious. Everyone deserves to be respected, whether you’re in a committed relationship or just having sex for fun. The worst betrayal of a hookup buddy would be to look at the relationship – and you– in a degrading way.

Guys talk. Girls talk. Most likely, your relationship will not be a secret. Even more likely, it will draw a lot of questions from your social circles. The only thing that matters is that both you and your partner feel respected in whatever agreement you have worked out, our experts agree. If you know your cutie isn’t trash-talking you to other people, you’ll feel a lot more confident about what you two have.

7. “I met someone else… and I actually want to date them”

If your friend were to tell you she’s stressed about choosing between two guys, you might want to slap her in the face. However, being stuck in the middle of two love interests is actually a seriously stressful situation – especially if one of them is your current hookup buddy. Part of you may be saying to stick to the easy, emotionless sex. The other part of you, however, might want someone to cuddle with the next morning.

Deciding between the two of them is a personal choice, but experts say you should make up your mind sooner rather than later. In this situation, honesty is the best policy – and Dr. Lieberman says you definitely need to clue your hookup buddy in on what’s going on. She claims that women should be able to say without fear, “I’ve met someone who I’m attracted to, and he or she asked me out. I want to be honest with you about it.”

Being so upfront could be a little awkward, but it’s much better than your partner finding out from someone other than you.

Since there’s still no way to read minds, the only way for your partner to know any of this stuff is if you actually tell him or her (Dun dun duuuuun). If you’re thinking there’s no way you could ever be this honest, Dr. Lieberman assures you you’re not alone. “Hookup buddies avoid having conversations about how they really feel toward each other, what they really want from the arrangement and similar topics that get more awkward as the arrangement goes on,” she says.

Simply put, if you can deal with the little bit of awkwardness that it might take to get yourself to be honest, you’ll probably be happier in the long run. Remember: Your hookup is lucky to be with you. Don’t let him or her forget it!

*Names have been changed to protect identities.
 

We’d all like to think that there is someone who is bound to sweep us off our feet with every word they say. In Hollywood, grand displays of love go a really long way between couples, leaving the audience speechless and in a search for an epic love like theirs. But would these declarations of love cut it in real life? Here are the top five biggest declarations of love made on the big screen and our reasons on why it would (or wouldn’t) work in real life.

1. The Notebook

Cue the torrential downpour on a seemingly beautiful day and cut to the painfully attractive male and female leads. They talk about their relationship. Get your popcorn ready for the big kiss.

The dramatic make-out sesh in The Notebook may seem like the perfect scene to many collegiettes, since so many of us have a fantasy of being kissed in the rain. We would even risk contracting a possible cold if it meant getting smooched by the guy of our dreams with buckets of water pouring on our heads.

However, the reality of this scene is that it may look absolutely perfect, but think about how soggy and uncomfortable you would be! Rather than having the guy on your mind, you’ll likely be thinking about Kleenex and cold medicine. The odds of this being that romantic in real life are nearly slim to none, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fantasize about a Noah-and-Allie-style love!

2. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The sheer awkwardness that Charlie (Logan Lerman) gives off when confessing his love to Sam (Emma Watson) makes this scene so much more believable and possible in the real world. After watching Sam get treated badly by her boyfriend and hearing her stories about her past relationships, Charlie found enough courage to tell her how special he thought she was.

We’ve all felt extremely awkward around our first really huge crush. Charlie was so nervous to tell Sam how he truly felt, so he acted on impulse and went for what he wanted. He said that she was special, smart and beautiful, and that she deserved so much more than what she was getting. To put the cherry on top, he surprised her with a big kiss.

 If we all had that sort of mentality when trying to hit up a potential lover, we’d all have a better chance with them rather than the zero-percent chance we’d have if we DIDN’T try. Go for it! If Charlie can do it, then you can too!

3. He’s Just Not That Into You

This is all a girl wants in life—having a guy admit that he was wrong all along, and then having him kiss her passionately while Keane plays in the background. In the movie, Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) was constantly rejected by men, and after being written off by Alex (Justin Long), she finally threw in the towel. However, he realized how much he cared about her, and they presumably lived happily ever after. This would totally be romantic in real life because of a few factors:

1. He kisses her mid-sentence.
2. He whispers to her.
3. He kisses her again.

We don’t know about you, but we would be putty in a guy’s hand if he did that to us. Couple those factors and ditch the Keane song for Bruno Mars and you’ve got a picture-perfect moment. The reality of this scene is that if you really feel that you should be with someone, you will make it work. Although Alex originally said no to Gigi, he realized he actually needed her in his life.

4. Friends with Benefits

In Friends with Benefits, Dylan (Justin Timberlake) and Jamie (Mila Kunis) really believed that they could be frisky without falling for each other, and when their feelings started to get in the way, it ruined their relationship. In an effort to get her back, JT dusted off his dancing shoes and got tons of people to do a flash mob to two songs that defined their relationship.

This may be an adorable idea, but let’s be real: do you really think that a guy would be able to pull this off in a venue as big as Grand Central Station? Probably not. Choreographing a dance is extremely time-consuming, and depending on all those other people to come to rehearsal would just give the choreographer a headache. Where do you find that many people to teach a dance to, anyways?

Let’s face it—even the dreamiest collegent probably wouldn’t be able to make this work. (But if you find one who does, hang on to that guy!)

5. Dirty Dancing

"Me, I'm scared of everything—I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."

When Johnny (Patrick Swayze) felt like the world was out to get him and nothing was getting better, it was up to Baby (Jennifer Grey) to pick him up by the torso and lift him and his spirits up. She was able to help him realize how important he was to the people he loved and how much she cared about him.

It takes a girl with tons of guts to spill her soul to a guy. The pure emotion that both characters have for each other in that moment makes this scene amazingly realistic. There is no stronger love than the love shared by two people with a common passion—after all, the couple who twerks together, stays together!

There are a few Hollywood portrayals of the crazy little thing called love that are realistic, but for the most part, it’s just movie magic taking over. It’s up to us to make our own love story! Odds are you’re not going to see a guy outside your window with a boom box a la Say Anything… in college, but there’s a really good chance that if he’s really into you, he may make you a Spotify playlist to prove his love.
 

You meet a cute guy in at a party and start talking. Wow, you’re really hitting it off! You start going on dates and you’re having a good time, but in the midst of pillow talk, he tells you that he’s bisexual.

You’re totally into him, but you may be wondering: Is dating a bisexual guy different from dating a heterosexual guy? Is there anything you need to be aware of when it comes to dating bisexual guys? Luckily, Her Campus is here to help you figure it out with a few things you need to know about dating a bisexual guy!

1. Everyone defines bisexuality differently

Joyce Smith, a sexual health awareness advocate at Wesleyan University, says that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and it’s extremely important to understand this concept when heading into a relationship with a bisexual guy.

“Everyone defines their sexual orientation differently, and bisexuality can be a lot more complicated than just, ‘I like boys and girls,’” she explains.

Being bisexual also doesn’t mean that your boyfriend identifies as a different gender. “It is crucial to also realize that gender and sexual orientation are two separate concepts that intersect,” Smith says.

Smith’s advice? Going into your relationship, make sure you throw all preconceived notions of what it means to be bisexual out the window. Your guy might define it differently than you, and you don’t want your own biases to hinder what he’s trying to tell you. In addition, his level and depth of attraction to both sexes could differ greatly, so it’s important not to make any assumptions about it!

Jane*, a senior at Wesleyan University who has previously dated two bisexual guys, found that both guys viewed their bisexuality completely differently. “My first boyfriend who was bisexual told me that he had dated more women than men, and that was important to him when defining his sexuality,” she says. “In contrast, my second bisexual boyfriend was attracted to both guys and girls equally, and he thought that was an important part of being bisexual.”

Smith also reminds collegiettes that being bisexual says nothing about a person’s promiscuity. “Unfortunately, our culture sometimes associates bisexuality with being heavily sexual or unable to be monogamous, which is of course not the case!” she says. “It’s a common misconception, and it’s an important one to think about!”

2. You should be respectful and open-minded

You might feel a little weird approaching a beau (or potential beau) about his sexuality; after all, sexuality is an extremely personal thing, and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!

Smith urges collegiettes to talk to their bisexual guy at the very beginning of the relationship instead of later on. “Before you talk, make sure you are both aware that you are having a serious conversation about sexual orientation and your relationship status, and make sure that it’s at an appropriate time,” she says. “Trying to discuss your boyfriend’s bisexuality while intoxicated at a loud party doesn’t make for a very thoughtful discussion. Make sure you are both ready and present to talk about sexuality, comfort and boundaries.”

In addition, Smith also advises thinking about what you are going to say before you head into the conversation. “Write down some questions you have beforehand. It’ll get you thinking about what you want to say and how you want to say it,” she says. “A lot of the time, conversations about sexuality and relationships turn sour when people don’t think before they speak!”

Even though your level of openness and honesty might differ depending on your relationship, there are a couple of sexual-orientation-conversation no-nos. “Definitely don’t ask him if he’s ‘sure’ he’s bisexual,” Jane says. “Sexual orientation is already a sensitive subject, and questioning a part of your boyfriend’s identity can feel insulting and could even turn him off to a conversation altogether.”

Jane recommends not talking about past sexual encounters during this first conversation. “It may come across as really inappropriate to ask your bisexual boyfriend how many guys and girls he’s slept with, so keep the sexual partner count off-limits for now!” she says. “Instead, talk about boundaries like you would in any other relationship. Are you two exclusive or able to see other people? This is something that’s important regardless of whom your partner is attracted to, and it could prevent issues with jealously or insecurity later on.”

3. Consistent communication is more important than ever

The biggest rule of dating someone who is bisexual is also just a general rule of relationships: keep a clear and honest line of communication! Marni Battista, the relationship and love expert behind Dating With Dignity, thinks this is especially important in relationships in which at least one partner is bisexual. “If you choose to date someone that is bisexual, you might have questions for them about their sexual preference,” she says. “As is the same with all relationships, the best thing to do is keep communication open!”

Many collegiettes might still be unsure of what it’s like to date someone who is attracted to both guys and girls. However, many women who have dated bisexual guys in college note that this is not really an issue as long as communication is a priority.

Kathleen*, a recent college graduate, wished she had communicated more from the get-go with her bisexual boyfriend, because not doing so played into her insecurities. “I think the problem with our relationship was that, because of his bisexuality, we were a little too open with one another about our crushes on other people,” she says. “If we had set that boundary from the get-go, it probably would have worked much better.”

Jane felt that communication was key, especially because dating a bisexual guy for her was the same in a lot of respects as dating a heterosexual guy. “Dating is dating, no matter whom it is with,” she says. “There has to be trust, attraction, love and ground rules.”

Jane also says that neither of her relationships ended because of either guy’s sexuality. “These relationships ended because of conventional relationship problems, which is something I think some people don’t get,” she says. “One boy moved away and we grew apart, and the other one didn’t put enough effort into our relationship.”

Jane noted that people were always surprised to hear that her boyfriends’ bisexuality was never an issue in her relationships. “I don’t really get the question at Wesleyan, but I did get it from my friends back at home,” she says. “But at the end of the day, I dated people who made me happy, and then we broke up. A relationship is a relationship, no matter which sexes your boyfriend may be attracted to.”

4. People will ask YOU questions, too

Jane, Joanne*, a recent graduate of Northwestern University who has dated a bisexual guy, and Danielle, a recent graduate of Harvard University who is currently dating a bisexual guy, have all had experiences with people asking them questions about their relationships.

Joanne was pelted with concerns when she was going out with her bisexual guy. “When we were dating, I got asked all of the time what it was like, and it annoyed both of us to no end,” she says.

Jane had a similar experience. “For some reason, my friends would get weird whenever they saw either of my bisexual boyfriends talking to guys, especially guys they knew were gay or bisexual,” she says. “My friends would ask me if it bothered me, and of course it didn’t. My boyfriend can talk to whomever he wants. But this sort of perpetual questioning of my boyfriend’s actions as a bisexual male happened constantly in both relationships, which I got very weary of after a while.”

It may get tiring hearing your friends constantly ask about your relationship, but don’t let it get to you. The only thing that matters is if you and your boyfriend are in a happy and healthy relationship!

5. You need to respect his “out” status

Danielle says the one challenge of dating a bisexual guy versus a heterosexual guy is being cognizant of whom he’s come out to. “[You have to be] sensitive about the issue and make sure not to accidentally [out] him to someone that he's not out to,” she says.

Jane had similar issues with one of the guys she dated who had not come out to his family or friends at home. “One of my previous bisexual boyfriends, Josh*, invited me home for Thanksgiving one year, and he had to warn me that he had not yet come out to his family or high school friends,” she says. “I just had to be careful, especially around his friends, not to say anything.”

However, Jane doesn’t think this differs from any other sensitive information that pops up in a relationship. “I think everyone has delicate stuff that shouldn’t be brought up around certain people, like family. I definitely don’t think it’s just bisexual individuals,” she says. “In college especially, people can be very different at school versus when they’re at home, and I think that’s totally normal. My family is very against drinking, so I personally don’t tell them that I drink. When we visited my family last year, I told Josh not to bring up any party stories, so it works both ways.”

Overall, dating a bisexual guy only differs somewhat from dating a heterosexual guy. But no matter what, it’s still a relationship between two people who like each other. Also, if any of your friends are dating a bisexual guy, remember to think before asking any questions about it!

Battista also thinks that college is the perfect time to look at a relationship with someone who’s bisexual. “College relationships usually begin as a way to learn more about yourself and your needs in a relationship, and they are also a good place to try new things, so there is no better time than the present!” she says.

*Names have been changed.
 

While the guys we meet on an everyday basis are nice enough, they don’t even compare to the dream boyfriends who grace the big screen in all of our favorite romantic movies. And even though these fantasies of dating our favorite movie characters are downright impossible to achieve, we just can’t help but obsess over their wooing gestures and dashing good looks.

Maybe these on-screen hotties will never be our actual boyfriends, but that doesn’t mean we should stop daydreaming about them anytime soon! Here are 9 swoon-worthy movie characters who we would love to have as our real-life boyfriends.

1. The Guy Who Supports Your Dreams: Emmett From Legally Blonde

As determined, young collegiettes with big career aspirations, we need a man by our side who will support our dreams (even if that dream is ditching our sorority life to attend Harvard Law School). If you’re planning on becoming a high-powered businesswoman with an enviable career, then Emmett would definitely be your dream boyfriend. Together, you could be an unstoppable power duo with incredible jobs and the briefcases to match.

Emmett would be the kind boyfriend who would stay up with you all night long and help you study for that huge exam you’ve been stressing about for the past week. He’d also be the one to brag to all his friends when you end up getting an A on the test! Emmett’s never-ending support for his number-one lady is one of his most admirable qualities and is definitely a must on our boyfriend checklist.

No need to worry about Emmett getting any career envy; he just wants you to succeed!

2. The Guy Who WILL Text You Back: Noah From The Notebook

We all fell in love with Noah from the moment he flashed us his adorable grin and asked Allie to dance with him in the middle of an empty street. From his never-ending belief in fate to his undying devotion to the girl he loves, it’s no secret that Noah would be the perfect boyfriend. The fact that he’s totally gorgeous is just an added bonus.

Noah would be the perfect guy for any girl who’s looking for a passionate romance mixed in with a little adventure. Any hopeless romantic will tell you that they’ve always dreamed of having a spontaneous kiss in the rain just like Allie and Noah had after they get caught in the storm.

It’s safe to say that life with Noah would never be boring. Whether he’s hanging off of a Ferris wheel just to get your attention or building you the house of your dreams, a relationship with Noah would definitely be full of surprises. 

And let’s face it––Noah is the very reason why we girls get so angry when guys never text us back. If Noah had the time to write Allie 365 letters, then the guy you’ve been flirt-texting all week should at least have the decency to respond to your last text, right?

3. The Hook-Up Who Turns Into More: Dylan From Friends with Benefits

Justin Timberlake’s character in the movie Friends with Benefits, Dylan, is proof that sometimes the best person to have as your boyfriend is your best friend! Dylan is the perfect combination of silly and sweet, which is the very reason why we’d love to have him as a boyfriend.

Dylan’s laid-back persona, his ability to find the light in any situation and his good sense of humor are just a few of the things we absolutely love about him. He’s not afraid to make fun of you, and he won’t get mad when you make fun of him back! He’d be the perfect boyfriend for any collegiette looking for a fun, lighthearted relationship with someone who’s not afraid to tell you when you have morning breath, or that while your winter style is definitely comfy, it’s really not so cute.

4.  The Dreamy Musician: Ian From What a Girl Wants

It’s undeniable that a lot of unfortunate things happen to us while we’re in college, but having a boyfriend like Ian would definitely not be one of them! With his free spirit and his guitar-playing skills, it’s hard not to love him.

Not only is Ian adventurous and artistic, he’s also not afraid to be himself no matter whom he’s talking to. Whether you’re a stressed-out college sophomore with too much homework or the Queen of England, Ian will always let his true colors show around you.

Ian has undeniable charm (and an adorable accent to match) that could make any girl go weak in the knees. He’s the perfect guy to have by your side whenever you’re forced to attend a totally boring party or an awkward family gathering, because he can find the fun in any situation. The fact that he can serenade you to sleep every night isn’t half bad either! 

5. The Lovable Bad Boy: Patrick From 10 Things I Hate About You

At some point in her life, every girl falls for the bad boy, and there’s no doubt in our minds that Patrick Verona is the ultimate bad boy (turned good, of course). His heart-stopping smile alone is enough to make us melt, but when you throw in an impromptu serenade in front of the entire school, that’s when we really lose it!

While bringing home a guy like Patrick may give your parents a heart attack, his mysterious charm is reason enough to give the guy a chance. He’s dark and complicated, but he’s lovable all at the same time. Who knew guys like that actually existed?

We can barely think of one thing we hate about him, let alone 10. The only thing we came up with is that he may or may not have better hair than us.

6. The Romantic Artist: Jack From Titanic

There’s no denying the fact that Jack Dawson is one of the most charming, lovable guys to ever grace the big screen. His boyish good looks and ability to sweep a girl off her feet in less than a week make him a prime pick for our dream boyfriend. It’s no wonder Rose mentally dumped her fiancé the second she stepped onto the ship and locked eyes with the handsome Jack.

Between his spontaneous nature and his thoughtful gestures, it’s easy to say that Jack would be the ultimate boyfriend. Who else would let you take up all the room on the door while he freezes in the ice-cold water?

As long as you two don’t take any romantic cruises together, we think the relationship would work out fine…

7. The Heartthrob: Johnny From Dirty Dancing

Has there ever been a bigger onscreen heartthrob than Johnny? All we can say is that we definitely wouldn’t mind having a summer romance with this guy.

While we could claim that anyone with Johnny’s pecs and abs would be our perfect boyfriend, we can’t deny that Johnny as a whole is pretty irresistible. His dance moves alone are reason enough to obsess over him, but when you throw in his charming personality and crazy arm strength (as seen in the infamous Dirty Dancing lift scene), we can’t help but give him a spot on our dream boyfriend list.

Plus, he can rock a tight black tank top like no guy we’ve ever seen. Any guy who can do that definitely gets some extra points in our book.  

8. The Classic Southern Boy: Jake From Sweet Home Alabama

Why do we want Jake to be our boyfriend? So we can kiss him anytime we want, obviously!

Jake is that perfect first love whom you can never really get over. His southern charm and great sense of humor are just a few of the things that make him a prime pick for our dream movie boyfriend. He knows that you should never give up on your soul mate and will do whatever it takes to win back the girl of his dreams (even if that means failing to sign divorce papers for seven whole years).

Jake’s a pretty low-maintenance guy, so you wouldn’t have to worry about making any fancy gestures or elaborate plans to please him. A cold beer at a local bar is all he needs in order to have a good time.

9. The Indie Romantic: Tom From (500) Days of Summer

All Tom wants in life is a girl he can take on a casual stroll through IKEA or browse through an old record store with. We’d be more than happy to join!

While the grand, romantic fantasies that Tom has in his head never seem to come true, he’s a reminder that most of the time real life is a lot better than the dream scenarios we make up in our heads. Sometimes it’s the unexpected things in life that make it worthwhile (like an impromptu job interview or a round of drunken karaoke!).

All we can say is we hope that Tom is lingering around in the waiting room during our next job interview.

We know that these guys will never actually be our boyfriends, but hey, we can dream! For now we’ll have to be satisfied with staring at them through a TV screen and daydreaming about them while we attempt to do our homework.

We’ve let you in on this secret before: some things are way better than boys. Maybe you feel like your most important romantic relationship is the one you have with pizza, wine or Netflix, but we’re willing to suggest that your most important relationship is actually the one you have with your bed. Here's why.

1. Your bed will neither leave you nor forsake you. (It literally can’t move.)

2. Even if you and your bed go through a rough patch (insomnia), you always find your way back to each other.

3. When you think of your bed during the daylight hours, you're immediately filled with intense longing.

4. If your bed is your boyfriend, your alarm clock is probably that annoying girl who you’re convinced is always trying to take him away from you.

5. Sharing your bed with anyone else is something that you just aren’t willing to do.

6. Instead of curling up on the couch after school or work, you slip into your bed and tell it your day’s woes.

7. You pillow has seen more tears than your mom, sister or dog.

8. The outside world is frigid, but the comfort of your sleepy haven fills you with warmth and security.

9. Literally nothing can get you to part from your bed in the mornings. Or during afternoon naps. Or when you’re just lying there, reading Cosmo and wishing the rest of the world would leave you in peace.

10. Your bed encourages you to participate in your favorite activity, and it never scoffs at your love of sleeping.

11. You will probably name your firstborn child Clinomania.

12 You have a pet name for your bed.

13. Date night for you is basically like date night for anyone else. You cuddle with your SO, watch movies and eat a romantic meal. Except your SO is your bed, so you’re cuddling with blankets, watching Fargo by yourself and eating a king-size bag of Swedish Fish. And it’s awesome.

14. “Work from home” = “Work from bed”

15. You aren't afraid to be yourself around your bed — no makeup, no problem!

What a wonderful place to lay our heads. 
 

Finals week can turn any collegiette into a sweatpants-wearing, Nutella-hoarding, stressed-out, grouchy mess. We’ve all had days when we woke up, knew we had six chapters of economics to study and a hefty final research paper to write and realized that we probably should not have the privilege of human contact that day.

But when you’re in a relationship, it’s not so easy to simply tell your SO that yes, you will be living in this self-induced solitary confinement full of pizza and tissues. Being in a relationship during times of stress is hard. Luckily for you, we’ve come up with three easy tips to make sure that finals week is a test for your brain, not for your relationship.

1. Communicate your expectations clearly

It’s no surprise that any good relationship has crystal-clear expectations and communication. Whether you need 24 hours to study with your cell phone completely off, a break for coffee every six hours or a motivational text every hour until that sociology final, your SO will want to be there for you — if he or she knows what to do.

“Openly discuss your needs and expectations for during finals,” says Jasbina Ahluwalia, a relationship expert and founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina. “Don't expect him to read your mind — express your needs and encourage him to share his by actively listening.”

Setting your expectations and schedules can help take some of the stress out of finals; if you know he’s studying all afternoon, you won’t be stressed out that he hasn’t responded to your text!

“We will usually talk about the upcoming week so we can be sure to set times to hang out together,” says Krysta, a junior at Wayne State University, of her and her husband. “Of course, having a schedule isn't the most romantic and spontaneous thing, but finals week is so hectic—it’s better to go in … prepared.”

Ahluwalia says that a great way to support your SO during finals week is “by expressing your needs, cutting each other slack and helping each other focus on your studies instead of distracting each other.” If your SO knows that your dream of becoming a doctor can’t come true without good grades in chemistry, maybe he or she will be more chill about you not responding to a text or canceling dinner at the last minute.

Every collegiette wants something different from her SO during finals week, and it’s up to you to decide what you want and ask for it. 

2. Sync your schedules (and your breaks!)

Along with clear expectations comes the responsibility of knowing your SO’s finals schedule — does he or she have three finals at the beginning of the week, a final every day or just papers due at the end of the week? Knowing your SO’s schedule will help you because you’ll know when he or she may get stressed.

Ahluwalia suggests “coordinating your schedules to find small blocks of time to connect during finals week.” To be the most supportive of your SO and to find times to take breaks, however, you have to know what’s going on! While you may not necessarily prod your friends for their finals schedules, knowing your SO’s can really make things easier for your relationship. 

“My husband and I will usually plan out the week ahead of time so we know when each other will be busy,” Krista says. “That way we can plan who makes dinner, who goes to grab chips for movie night, etc.”

During the stressful time of finals week, a girl has to eat, exercise and take other forms of breaks from studying. Ditch your bad studying habits and learn how utilize breaks best in your studying. Include your SO in these activities — you won’t be lonely, and he or she will love to see you when you’re taking a break. 

However, Ahluwalia suggests thinking twice before you study with your SO: “You know yourself — will his studying with you provide comfort and moral support, or distract you?” Will your SO actually be helpful while you’re studying for that chemistry final, or you should hit up your lab partner as a study buddy instead?

“Consider taking breaks together for essentials, like meals and stress-reducing workouts,” Ahluwalia says. “During your finals-week breaks, be present and focus on each other.  Also keep in mind that touch can be a great stress reliever.” 

Knowing you have time with your SO to look forward to can help ease a long day of studying. “We spend the day studying, but pull ourselves from the books at night,” Krista says. “We will have dinner together, watch a movie or go for a walk – anything we can do together for two or three hours away from the school environment.”

After finals, plan something fun. “Immediately after big tests, we are usually pretty tired, so we will probably watch a movie together or just hang out,” says an Alice*, a junior at Stanford University, of her and her SO. “But the weekend after big tests or finals when we've had a bit more sleep, we love to go hiking together!”

3. Let your SO know you care

During finals week, make sure that your SO feels loved and supported. “Send him short texts or write him little notes and [leave] them on his book or pillow,” Ahluwalia says. Before finals week, she says, you can make “thoughtful gifts like a ‘finals basket’ filled with Starbucks gift certificates, his favorite snacks and loving notes.” You’ll be less stressed if you know that you’re supporting your SO, and it will make him or her feel great, too!

“Consider planning a special break for the two of you immediately after finals, like a special celebratory date night or romantic getaway,” Ahluwalia says. “It will provide a light at the end of the tunnel and give you concentrated time to reconnect.” Start planning those reservations at that favorite restaurant now so that you don’t have to worry about it during finals week!

“I think that a big part of support in any relationship is being a good listener, so one of the ways that I support [my SO] during finals is by being aware of what he has going on and listening to how he feels about everything,” says Kate*, a junior from Stanford University. “I also know that finals period is one of the most stressful times at school, so sometimes the best way to support someone is to listen without the need to give a lot of feedback, or even just spending time together that doesn't have anything to do with tests or studying.”

Letting your SO know that you care about him or her means being attuned to his or her needs and desires. Even if you may want to discuss every detail of your calculus final, your SO may not want to talk about that tricky question on the economics exam. 

Studying for finals can be a long and stressful process, but supporting and being supported by your SO can make everything a little more manageable. Your relationship doesn’t have to take a toll when textbooks have to become your new SO; instead, you can make your relationship even stronger when you two face adversity together. 

*Names have been changed.

For recent college grads, there’s a universal feeling of heart-stopping panic when facing new post-graduation realities. For some, there’s even more to it: “What’s going to happen to my relationship when we move to different cities?”

After being able to see each other every day, transitioning to a life of you in one place and your SO in another can be hard, because, let’s face it: all long-distance relationships are hard. Collegiettes around the country as well as Julie Spira, dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, weighed in with tips for making it work.

1. Start the conversation early

While it’s clear that a conversation between you and your partner needs to happen when facing a transition to an LDR, Spira says it needs to happen early. “My best advice is to talk about your newly defined relationship before school is out,” she says. Talking things out sooner rather than later prepares you for the incoming change to your relationship and alleviates the pressure you might feel if you put off the conversation for too long.

That’s what Danai Kadzere, a junior at Harvard College, did with her boyfriend. “Though we had only been official for a few months by then, my boyfriend opened the discussion about post-graduation relationships plans in late February/early March,” she says. “I really appreciated it because communication is essential, and leaving decisions for your penultimate day together hardly sounds like a good idea.”

This conversation can of course be a hard one to start, but realize that your partner will appreciate the respect you’re showing him or her and your relationship by bringing it up. Make sure communication is open between you and your partner and that you both feel secure in the conversation. Showing your SO the respect of being open-minded will prompt him or her to act that way as well and get you both in that habit for when you ultimately go long distance.

Try starting out by discussing whether or not your relationship is even ready to become long distance. If you find that it is, then discuss some clear boundaries with your partner. It might be hard to bring up tough subjects like boundaries without sounding needy (or too distant), but it’s talking about those subjects that will keep your relationship healthy in the long run.

2. Be clear about exclusivity

Starting a life in a new city after graduation is exciting — you’ll be in a new place filled with new people who could potentially be your lifelong friends. You could also notice there are new people that you’re attracted to, and you might wonder if your SO is seeing the same with people in his or her city.

It’s important to be clear with each other about whether or not you’re allowed to date other people. Nobody likes being cheated on, especially when your partner doesn’t even know what he or she’s doing is considered cheating, so defining exclusivity is crucial to a new LDR. Make sure you both know that you’re dating each other and only each other, or that you’re allowed to see other people as well.

Spira advises that if you don’t think you can make an open relationship work, be upfront about it. “Trust is everything in a relationship, regardless of your zip code,” she says. You and your partner trust each other, so act in such a way that shows you deserve that trust.

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate

The buzzword of any LDR (newly defined or not) is always communication. “To maintain a healthy LDR, communication is key,” Spira says. “Talking about your relationship goals, agreeing on how often you’ll be getting together [in person] and having continuity in your text messages and phone calls will help your newly defined LDR flourish.”

Communication doesn’t just mean trivial stuff, either. While it’s important for you and your SO to keep up-to-date on each other’s everyday happenings, communicating about your thoughts and feelings regarding the relationship is vital. If you miss your partner, tell him or her you do! Let your partner know if you’re feeling neglected (or suffocated), and be open about how to deal with that.

Openness and judgment-free communication are the best ways to prevent jealousy. “When the dating rules change and you’re no longer seeing each other every day, it’s not unusual for someone to get jealous or insecure,” Spira says. Keep the jealousy out of the relationship by reassuring each other that you care and are still invested in the relationship. Prevent other arguments by being upfront about things that might be bothering you.

Problems don’t get resolved unless you and your partner both know the problems exist. If you have a problem with an aspect of your relationship, tell your SO about it (but make sure you keep an open mind to his or her response)! Accept that issues between you and your SO are going to arise. The best way to keep them from being detrimental to your relationship is to address them early on and in a calm and rational manner.

4. Let technology become your best friend

Take solace in the fact that technology has made LDRs way more doable. Use apps like Skype, Snapchat or FaceTime and even simple text messages to keep the spark between you and your SO alive.

“Try every day to share a little bit about your day with your boyfriend or girlfriend through text, phone call or email,” says Brittany Dillard, a sophomore at Xavier University.

Technology can help keep the romance alive in your relationship, too. Spira suggests going on literal dates via Skype. “Let technology become your best friend,” she says. “Set up Skype or video dates where you put on your favorite dating outfit and lipstick, toast to a glass of champagne or wine while on your video date and give each other virtual hugs until you can be together again.”

Get creative with your Skype dates. Try connecting by cooking and eating the same meal, reading the same book and then discussing it together or even playing the same online game! You may not be able to go on night-on-the-town dates over Skype, but connecting through these smaller and more intimate activities will help you appreciate your partner and the time you spend with him or her even more.

5. Make a couple’s calendar

While in college, making a couple’s calendar may have sounded a little crazy and overbearing, but when transitioning to an LDR, it can actually be very useful. Buy each other calendars and fill them in with both of your schedules. Include daily things, like when you’re at work, as well as dates when you’ll travel to visit each other.

“You kind of have to know each other’s schedules and be [aware] of any time differences,” says Hayley Brunk, a junior at Tiffin University, about her LDR. “It's really helped us, I think, to know what we both have going on and communicate about when we can do what.”

Take note of when he or she is at work, when he or she does personal things like go to the gym or doctors’ appointments and when he or she might have to do business travel, and have your SO take note of your schedule, too. This will help you work out a Skype and phone-call schedule.

Take note of bigger events, too. Mark in your couple’s calendar when the two of you may have a wedding to attend together or a family event that dates are welcome to attend. If you’ve graduated but he’s still in school, mark down one of his big sporting events or homecoming weekend. Knowing these important events can help you do anything from work out a visiting schedule to being able to wish him luck on a big work presentation.

Know that in an LDR, you won’t be able to be there for everything. Spira reminds couples that, “in reality, there will be lonely nights and disappointments for special events and holidays when the two of you can’t be together.” If he can’t make it to something big or vice versa, know that this doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other; it just means that you’re far from each other and in a tough relationship.

6. Remember that small surprises matter

One of the benefits of an LDR is that you now have an excuse to do random, special things for your SO (and hope that your SO does these for you, too)! Scour Pinterest for awesome LDR gift ideas. Send your SO romantic letters via snail mail or leave him or her envelopes of love notes around his or her home on a visit for him or her to find after you leave. The surprise will mean the world to your partner.

Keep track of important anniversaries and dates (perhaps on your couple’s calendar?). Let your SO know he or she is special by saying “happy anniversary” on your anniversary. Wish him or her luck on a big work presentation. Let your partner know he or she’s in your thoughts during a busy week for him or her. “Little random acts of kindness go a long way,” Spira says. “Remembering anniversary dates in your relationship will help each other stay connected.”

Remembering the small stuff not only makes your partner feel special, but also lets him or her know that you’re still into the relationship. It’s important to feel secure in your relationship to prevent jealousy, and it’s only fair to make sure he or she feels secure as well.

“Make sure to provide positive reinforcement to your partner of your devotion to the relationship and never take each other for granted,” Spira says. If the relationship is important to you, it’s crucial to make sure your SO knows it.

7. Don’t be afraid to end it if it’s not working

Being far away from a loved one is tough, and there are plenty of rookie mistakes each person in a LDR will probably make before learning how to make it all work smoothly.

“Some of the biggest mistakes a new LDR couple makes is assuming their love is so strong that the distance won’t matter,” Spira says. The distance will matter. The distance will always suck, and it will always feel like you are missing out on something, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a fulfilling relationship from far away. Keeping that in mind, it’s important to be able to recognize when maybe this LDR thing isn’t working.

The signs of a failed LDR can be anything from issues unique to the relationship to simply not being able to handle the distance. Some couples might find it’s time to end things when missing each other becomes too much, jealousy takes over the relationship or they end up meeting new people. The important thing is to always communicate and evaluate the relationship when you need to. One of the biggest injustices you can commit in any relationship, whether long distance or not, is to neglect to acknowledge that the relationship is no longer fulfilling for you.

You and your partner might find that you both have fallen in love with your new cities and you never want to leave. Relationships can’t be long-distance forever, so it’s important to determine how long you and your SO are willing to do this for. If neither of you plan on moving to the same city eventually, it might be time to figure out if an LDR is for you.

Be open with your partner about both of your needs to determine what to do next. Whether it’s going on a break and being clear about what that means or having a definite breakup, the best thing you can do for yourself and your partner is to be honest — even if it hurts. Letting a relationship go too far without acknowledging its shortcomings can only end in heartbreak, whether it be in the form of cheating or an explosive fight. If something isn’t working, talk it out with your partner, and know that it’s okay if it didn’t work.

Don’t be afraid of what’s ahead for you and your partner following graduation, even if you are moving to two different cities. Being open and honest about what you both need and being willing to compromise will help any new LDR flourish. You have so much ahead of you in this new chapter of your life, and by maintaining a healthy and realistic relationship with your partner, you can make it work!