He lives in Texas; your roots are in Chicago. Summer is coming up quick, and you’re stressing about the future of your relationship. Should you break up, or try to tough it out long distance? One thing you know for sure — it’s time to have “the talk.” Here’s how to approach it.

Decide what you want

Evaluate your feelings about the relationship. Are you serious about it? Is he serious about it? Do you feel that a summer apart from each other is doable, or is your gut telling you that it won’t work?

“First and foremost, it's important to know how you feel and what you want,” says Suzanne Oshima, matchmaker and dating coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette. “Do you want to date other people over the summer, or do you want to remain monogamous?”

It helps to write out your feelings in a notebook or journal. As corny as it sounds, listing the pros and cons of staying together or breaking up will help you sort out your thoughts (trust us!). It’s important that you figure out where you stand before having this discussion.

Find a quiet place to have the talk

It’s definitely not a good idea to have a talk this serious over text message or Facebook chat. Intimacy expert and author Allana Pratt says, “You can do this face-to-face. Strength is found in vulnerability. People you've dated and cared for deserve more than an email or text.”

So find a quiet place where the two of you can go, like a low-key restaurant (not the school cafeteria, where you’re totally interruption-prone!) or a bench on campus during evening hours. It’s important that you’re both comfortable, so find a spot that works well for the two of you to talk for any length of time.

Spill your guts

Don’t hold back any of your feelings — now’s the time to spill everything. You’d regret bottling any of your thoughts or emotions inside later on. 

“Don't be afraid to put it right on the table,” says matchmaker and author Marla Martenson. “You will feel so much better once the topic is on the table and you know what's going on.”

So get a head start by discussing your feelings from the get-go. No need for mind games; he wants to know what you’re thinking!

Pratt says, “If you'd love staying together, be courageous and tell [him] it would make you super happy to stay together over the summer. He may or may not agree, yet at least you were bold, authentic and open.”

On the other hand, if you’re ready to cut ties, break the news gently. “If you'd love to be single, then tell the truth,” Pratt says. “[Say],‘I have completely enjoyed our time together. I've taken time to really think about this, and right now, my heart wants to be free, to be single. I don't want to be in the way of you finding a perfect match because I want you to be happy. You're so amazing, so the kindest thing for me to do to step aside. Thank you for everything we've shared.’”

Listen to what he has to say

It can be incredibly difficult for guys to discuss their feelings, but it’s important that he opens up to you.

“When he shares his feelings with you, it's important to not be judgmental, otherwise he will shut down,” Oshima says. “Remember, it's just important to listen to what he's saying and then ask more in-depth questions without making him feel like you're interrogating him. Just remember it's a conversation between you two. It's not about what you want; it's about what you both want and coming to a solution based on your conversation.”

It’s important to make him feel comfortable. Think about your body language — are you relaxed, or sitting with your arms crossed? Are you sitting far apart in a standoffish way, or are you sitting close to him? Look him in the eyes and let him know that it’s okay and important for him to tell you exactly how he’s feeling. You value his opinions (especially on a topic like this!), so allowing him to tell you everything is essential. And when he does tell you what he’s thinking, make sure to listen carefully to every word.

Leave on good terms

Whether you decide to break up or give a temporary LDR a shot, you’ll want to leave on good terms with him. After all, you may see him on campus again next year, or maybe he’s friends with your friends. Either way, there’s no point in making it messy.

If you do decide to stick together over the summer months, awesome! Make sure he knows you’re totally ready to put in the effort required of a long-distance partnership. Start planning when you’ll have Skype or FaceTime dates, or plan a good time for either of you to take a trip to the other’s hometown.

But if you decide to let each other go, make sure you part on decent terms. No name-calling; no hurtful bashing. Be mature, and as Pratt said, thank him for everything. You’ll feel proud of your grown-up behavior.

Whatever the fate of your relationship, you’ll be glad you handled the situation in an adult-like manner. Having a discussion in person is vital for good communication in a romantic relationship. And remember to have a blast this summer, with or without your guy!

As you probably learned during your first late-night girl-talk bonding session with your brand-new college besties, everyone comes to college with unique sexual experiences, and no two collegiettes are the same. Still, as you also probably found during that secret-spilling session, it can seem impossible not to compare your hot-and-heavy histories (or lack thereof).

And thus, “your number” is born: the number of people you’ve slept with. For some, it means almost nothing; for others, it can be a huge source of stress and overall insecurity. It can be especially difficult when you consider that many collegiettes feel self-conscious about their virginities, while others are subjected to sl*t-shaming for having active sex lives. We asked collegiettes and college guys to share their thoughts on the nature of “the number” and how it plays into their love lives. Check out what these ladies and gents had to say!

Do girls’ numbers matter to them?

According to the Anna Faris chick flick What’s Your Number?, the average number of partners that a woman has in her life (before settling down with “The One”) is 10.5 (although, according to a survey reported inThe Telegraph, the average number is closer to seven). To Anna – and many collegiettes on campuses across the country—this number seems low; it makes them worry that they’ve gone too far and been with too many different partners to find happiness in the future. Others might be shocked; 10.5 sounds like a heck of a lot of sex buddies if you’ve never had sex at all or have only ever been committed to one person. So, with all of these comparisons in mind, we asked collegiettes to share whether they actually care about their number. While they say it isn’t the be-all and end-all of their sex lives or self-esteem, they definitely do pay attention to it.

“My number is actually something I've thought about a lot, because somehow it got much higher than I would have wanted. I don't regret anything per se, but I think your number can really come to mean more than it should. When I first started thinking about it, I even asked my friends if it made me a sl*t! And I know very well that it doesn't; I just couldn't help but compare my number to others' and question my decisions.” – Alice*, a sophomore at the University of California, Los Angeles

“I think the number matters in context: hook-up sex vs. exclusive/boyfriend-girlfriend sex. Personally, I think your number matters less if it wasn't a random hook-up. Having sex with five different boyfriends is definitely 100 times better than having sex with five random dudes [whom] you can't even attribute a face to a name.” – Emma*, a sophomore at Duke University

“I get kind of self-conscious about having a low number... it’s because I was a virgin going into college and haven’t met any guys who’ve worked hard enough for me. But I feel like when guys hear you aren’t experienced, they freak out like you’re going to be clingy, so they run away. I’m proud that I haven’t had random sex, but I feel like it’s a double-edged sword.” – Hilary*, a senior at Skidmore College

“It depends on how long you’re in a relationship. My best friend that goes to Cornell has this thing where every time she or one of her housemates has sex with a new person, they text each other with a number. Just a number. Sometimes I get a text that says 13 or something like that. It doesn’t mean anything, but it’s kind of funny. Kind of makes me want to contribute...” – Liana*, a senior at Skidmore College

“My number definitely affects my sexual decisions. I have a boyfriend, but if I didn't I definitely wouldn't have one-night stands, because I really don't want it to go up! At the end of the day, I don't think numbers really matter that much, as long as you're being careful (using protection/birth control, etc.). – Megan*, a junior at Boston College

Is there an ideal number?

So, collegiettes are somewhat concerned with their own numbers, whether they’re high or low. Since collegiettes on both sides of the spectrum feel a bit insecure about their experience levels (at least, about how they think other people view them), we had to ask ourselves: is there such thing as “the perfect number”? We asked girls and guys to share their thoughts:

The guys say:

“I don’t think it matters to me. I don’t think a high number is a bad thing. There’s a double standard that way; if a girl has a high number, she’s stigmatized, but a guy with a high number seems like he’s pimping or something. But if I find out someone has hooked up with a lot of people before me, I feel less special.” – Miles*, a senior at Skidmore College

“If her number’s high, I’m just going to be imagining her hooking up with other guys. I don’t want to see that image. I don’t think there’s a perfect number... It’s probably more about how many were random hook-ups and how many were actually serious.” – Jorge*, a junior at San Diego State University

“There’s no perfect number. It definitely just depends on the person. It’s cool when she’s experienced. But if her number’s really high she’s been around the block, and that’s just kind of gross.” – Silas*, a junior at Middlebury College

“Obviously I don’t want to hear that she’s slept with a ton of guys, but if she’s sleeping with me, I have no reason to complain, do I? Who cares what her number is?” – Dave*, a senior at Brown University

“I like being in a relationship, so I guess I’d have to say I hope her number is low since that means she’s serious about who she chooses to sleep with. Maybe like five or under, I guess.” – Mike*, a senior at the University of Colorado Boulder

The girls say:

“No, I don’t think there’s such a thing as the perfect number. It’s personal for everyone.” – Leah, a senior at Skidmore College

“I feel like if someone had like 15 already during college, that’s a lot. I can’t really pinpoint a good number – I think it all depends on if you’ve dated someone or not. I don’t believe that people should just be with one person for their entire life, though... at least not without testing the waters with other people first.” – Salena*, a junior at Northwestern University

“Most of my friends are already seriously dating someone, if they’re not already engaged. So I guess a low number would be ideal because that means you’ve found guys, or the guy, who you want to stay with for a long time.” – Meredith*, a senior at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Clearly, there’s no consensus on an “ideal” number, and guys and girls don’t see numbers exactly the same way: what we see as gaining experience or testing the waters can come off as being promiscuous to the guys around campus. Still, that doesn’t mean that if a campus cutie you’re into comes along, you should avoid upping your number just for the sake of staying in the low side, and you definitely shouldn’t feel self-conscious about what’s happened in the past. First off, you can’t change what’s already been done, and second, the only person who needs to be happy with your number at the end of the day is you.

Plus, we had a feeling that girls were just as iffy about guys with high numbers, which means that the judgment is a two-way street – and also probably not an issue if you and that campus cutie really click. So we asked collegiettes to share their thoughts on a potential partner’s number. Check out what they had to say:

Does a potential partner’s number matter to girls?

Collegiettes certainly care a lot – if not more – about other people’s numbers than they do about their own, specifically potential partners’. Come on, you know you’re curious: has this new hottie in your life been around the block, or is he or she relatively fresh to the hook-up game (and ready to experience all those fun, new things with you)? Talking to your new partner about your past sexual history can be ultra-awkward, but these collegiettes say they’d rather know a partner’s number right off the bat regardless.

“I do put weight on a person's number, but I kind of hate that it matters to me. I know that a ‘number’ is a very rigid way of evaluating someone and that there is a lot of context behind how each person arrives at their number. However, I can't help but be put off by a guy who has a number that's through the roof! If a potential partner reveals a high number to me, I can't help but think he's just waiting for a girl – any girl –  to say yes. That doesn't make me feel special, and as a result, I am less interested in him.” – Connie, a senior at Carnegie Mellon University

“Talking with my boyfriend about our ‘numbers’ was kind of awkward, but I'm really glad that we got it out of the way. If I didn't know his, I would always be wondering, so it's better just to know. Plus, it wasn't as high as I thought it would be, so talking about it was kind of a relief!” – Megan

Unfortunately, this interest in other people’s numbers can backfire. While you’re fishing for background info on your crush’s nookie experience, he or she might be doing the same for you (if the quotes from the college guys above are any evidence). Plus, the unavoidable fact is that sometimes it seems like collegiettes can’t help but comment on each other’s numbers, too, which means that comparisons and even judgments abound – even if they come from within.

Alice says that this gossip-driven phenomenon is all too common. “What's funny is I would never judge anyone else for [her] number (okay, maybe if it was, like, 100), but I judge myself for it!” she says. “I've never felt directly judged for it and my friends have been mostly super reassuring, but sometimes they would make a subtle comment that hurt me a little. Everyone has a personal approach to sex and casual sex and dating, and somehow a concrete number can mean way more than it should within their belief system.”

Alice says that the college hook-up culture has led to her having a higher number than she would have expected, which may be to blame for many collegiettes’ insecurities about their numbers. She explains, “I think a big part of it is me searching for a relationship... and failing, because the dating scene is so messed up in college.”

Is there a double standard?

Alice isn’t alone in her reaction to having a high number. For many collegiettes, having a “high” number – which we know is completely relative and subjective – can be a huge source of insecurity. Plus, the differing social understandings of female versus male sexuality can make girls with higher numbers feel like targets or like they have to keep their numbers secret. Our collegiettes reveal that guys, on the other hand, tend to escape condemnation for fooling around with multiple ladies. Check out their thoughts on the double standard for sex:

“There's definitely a double standard when it comes to an acceptable number for men and women. I think that comes from the idea that men are generally more willing to have sex (lower standards, more promiscuous), so women who behave similarly and have an equal number are deemed ‘sl*ts’ because they've gone against the stereotype of what women should be doing (saving themselves for significant others, saying no).” – Connie

“I really do think there's a double standard, because when we say that a guy's number makes him a 'sl*t,' it's funny, and when we say it about a girl, it's shameful. I know deep down that your number doesn't matter in any way—it’s just a number!—but it can really hurt your self-esteem. My advice is to not let it!” – Alice

“There’s an obvious double standard between guys and girls. A guy who graduated when I was a freshman slept with over 60 different women. If he were a girl he’d have been treated differently. I want to say no, [numbers don’t matter to me], but that’s not true.” – Liana

“I think there's totally a double standard between men and women. Men with higher numbers, in my experience, are praised as true bros, while girls are usually labeled sl*ts. It's totally unfair!” – Megan

“I do believe there is a double standard; guys are expected to have a higher number than girls so that they can always be the more experienced one. People look down on girls if they sleep around too much, which I don't think is fair. If you're a sexual creature and you like the pleasure, you go do you!” – Emma

The double standard that still pervades college campuses today is not only biased and unfair, but also completely misogynistic. Fortunately, collegiettes aren’t taking this treatment any longer: ladies across the country are speaking out about their feelings on the issue, starting dialogues and continuously showing that they aren’t afraid to be themselves, no matter what their number. One notable example is the international SlutWalk movement, which aims to reappropriate the word “sl*t” and do away with the stigma often associated with women who have active sex lives or dress provocatively (the movement is especially concerned with the role that sl*t-shaming plays in rape culture and victim-blaming). At the end of the day, your number doesn’t define you; the definition of the number itself is only important if we allow it to be. If you really feel ashamed of your number, change the narrative: don’t engage in gossipy conversations about other collegiettes’ sex lives (yet another reason why the Golden Rule is always a good idea), and when a potential partner asks, share as much as you’re willing to and ask that he or she respect the fact that your past is in the past. The point is that you’re with this new potential SO now, and the last thing you want to do is worry about past experiences when something so exciting is happening now.

Sex—or a lack thereof—is a personal choice, and there’s no right or wrong amount of partners to have. Forget what Anna Faris’s What’s Your Number? character said; just do whatever (or whomever) you’d like!

When thinking about summer romance, the first thing that comes to mind is a scene straight out of the movie Grease, where Danny and Sandy meet and spontaneously fall in love at the beach. While the beach might be your go-to summer hangout spot, it might not be the best place to find a fling. But have you ever paid attention to the cute guy at your job or internship? Take a look at the best places to find your summer fling… and the spots that might leave you wondering if Prince Charming even exists.

The Best Places

1. Where You Work

You might dread waking up early every day in the summer to go to a job or internship, but whether your job is awesome or kind of a bore, you should pay attention to the people working there.

“Relationships that spark at a shared 'special place' have a better chance of being what you want,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. “For example, if you're both counselors at the same camp, you can support each other and share secret trysts after the campers go to bed.”

Just be careful—some companies have strict rules against dating another coworker!

2. A Bookstore

Take a break from the frat guys who invade your college town and scope out an area where intellectuals reside. While you probably won’t be spending most of your summer in a bookstore, if you’re looking for something relaxing to do, it’s a great place to stimulate your mind and spark a potential love interest.

Nicole Moshe, a sophomore at the University of Central Florida, says she pays attention to guys when she’s at bookstores. “If you see a person browsing in the same section you like or if somebody picked up a book you love, you can start up a conversation easily and you already have something in common,” she says. “Also, it's nice to know that there are still people out there that read hard copies of books.”

Strike up a conversation with the guy reading the back of a Divergent novel, or maybe suggest your favorite book to him – you never know where it might take you!

3. A Coffee Shop

Who doesn’t love an iced coffee during the heat of summer? While stopping by your morning coffee spot, put your cell phone down and take a look at the people around you.

“A coffee shop is a really relaxed environment, and people usually read there, so if they're reading something you like, it can spark conversation,” Nicole says.

A coffee shop is also a place where you can have a casual conversation to get to know someone new without the pressure of it being an actual date, or even having to know him before!

4. A Music Festival

There are few better ways to bond with someone than over a mutual love of music. “Great locations to find a summer fling are places you go to do something you feel passionate about,” Lieberman says.

Since you already know you’ll have something in common with a person—your taste in music—this sort of event is a stress-free atmosphere where you can start talking to the cute guy you see rocking out to your favorite band. Venture away from your standard group (but don’t get lost!) and approach someone new. Whether you end up sitting on a blanket together and enjoying the music or you listen to the beats while sitting on his shoulders, you’re bound to make a new friend—or maybe meet a new love interest!

The Worst Places

1. The Beach

While the beach might seem like a good location to find summer romance due to its laid-back atmosphere, Lieberman says that might not be the best idea.

“If you meet a guy in a very general place – like the beach – you won't know anything about him,” she says. “A summer fling is much more satisfying if you can share the same passion or hobby with your guy. So, if you're doing something you love, like going sailing, and he is, too, then you can enjoy it together for the rest of the summer. And the more specific, the better.”

2. On Vacation

Although meeting new peopleis always fun on vacation, anything that might get too serious could be a problem if you don’t live near each other.

“Vacations are super-tempting times for summer flings because you're away from responsibilities and in a beautiful, exciting setting,” Lieberman says. “Just know that if the guy you meet lives far away, it might not be realistic to expect the fling to continue once you return home.”

While some couples can make long distance work, for the most part it will be difficult to keep the fling alive after you both go home, which will probably leave you disappointed. You don’t want your fun vacation memories to be tarnished by an unsuccessful fling!

3. At a Bar

While there might be plenty of guys to choose from there, bars aren’t the prime spot to meet a fling.

“Don't look for romance in bars or at wild beach parties where guys are just looking for sex and the girl of the hour,” Lieberman says. “The next day, he'll be off with someone new; whatever girl is easy and close at hand.”

Unless your nice-guy radar is second to none, you probably won’t be able to detect a guy’s true intentions at a bar. Your best bet is to stick to a girls’ night out when going to a bar and wait until morning to find that special guy.

Summer is a great time to be carefree and spontaneous. Go somewhere you wouldn’t normally hang around, and you just might find a new romance!

You're in a relationship, and it's finally working out. You even think you've found “The One” … until he breaks up with you because “your lives are going in different directions” or you're just “so much more mature” than him. Ugh. His meaningless excuse sounds like it came straight out of a bad rom-com, and it leaves you stranded and confused.

Everyone struggles with breaking up, but some guys think the solution is to give us a bogus excuse for it – maybe to avoid hurting us or just because they don't have the courage to tell us the truth. That’s why we put together the worst breakup lines collegiettes have ever heard and asked experts what these excuses truly mean and how to deal with them.

The Excuse: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

What it really means:

This is probably the most overused and clichéd excuse in the history of dating. According to Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, “this is supposed to hurt the girl's feelings less, but it's just a way for the guy to feel less guilty.”

Worse yet, Jodi R. R. Smith, president and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, says, “Of course it is you. You are not right for him and this is easier to say than, “I don’t like you.”

The Excuse: “Our lives are going in different directions.”

Shira Kipnees, a senior at Franklin & Marshall College, knows this bogus one-liner all too well. When her ex-boyfriend broke up with her (over Skype!) after almost three and a half years of dating, he gave her this excuse “partially due to the fact that I ‘want kids one day’ and he doesn't like kids really at all,” she says. Shira thinks “he felt like his life was being too predictable and thought-out, since we had a very serious relationship.”

What it really means:

Even though they had been together for so long, this sounds like a fake excuse to us. Yes, Shira wanted kids one day, but not right that second! Besides, she says she was too busy “dating a perpetual man-child.”

According to Ashley Marie, a love and relationship coach, what Shira's ex really meant was: "I can't see your future fitting into my future, and I don't want to make the effort to see if we can make that work.” Ouch. This guy was immature and probably not worth her time anyway.

The Excuse: “You're just so much more mature than me.”

Laura*, a senior at Yale, went through a bad breakup when her boyfriend blamed her for her “maturity,” when really it sounds like his immaturity was the problem.

What it really means:

This is a just polite way for a guy to say he wants “to keep partying and hooking up with girls,” Laura says. This guy is actually being pretty honest; he does have some growing up to do. “When your guy utters this line, believe him the first time!” Smith warns. “Let his mother mother him.”

The Excuse: “I don't want you to get hurt.”

Is this the biggest breakup paradox or what? “This guy dumped me twice because he (ironically) didn’t want me to get hurt,” says Hayley Brunk, a junior at Tiffin University.

What it really means:

There might be some truth in this excuse, because if a guy liked you in the first place, he genuinely cares about your feelings, according to Mark Sharp, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at The Aiki Relationship Institute. However, “he thinks his weaselly excuse will go across better than the fact that he decided to date somebody else or some other thing that might be hurtful.” We knew it was too selfless to be true.

The Excuse: “I might be moving out of state in a couple of years. I don't want to date you and then just move away.”

Lauren Burkett, a collegiette at Florida State University, said her boyfriend broke up with her using this line. “He didn’t want to date me anymore, so he made up a really dumb excuse,” she says.

What it really means:

This guy is also pretexting good intentions to cover up the fact that he isn’t interested in your relationship. He may truly have plans for the future that “involve [him] being single,” Marie suggests. Either way, he is not willing to give you the time that you deserve.

The Excuse: “I can’t do this anymore.”

“A guy got caught lying to me (he said he was going to bed, but I went for a walk with my roommate and found him messing around with some girls on my floor), and instead of manning up, he texted me saying, ‘I just can't do this,’” Hayley says.

What it really means:

This excuse basically works in every possible situation, and it doesn’t mean very much at all. Someone who gives you this line is either too lazy to come up with a legitimate reason or too much of a coward to be honest.

Either way, he’s definitely not a catch. “Yes, adult relationships take work,” Smith says. “If he is not ready to make the effort, send him packing.” Now that's advice we like.

The Excuse: “I’m not really over my ex, so it’s not fair to you.”

What it really means:

According to Lieberman, this is yet another commonplace excuse guys give you instead of telling you the truth. Although he may very well still be hung up on his ex, if he liked you enough, this wouldn’t be a problem.

“You would essentially be a rebound,” Marie warns. And nobody wants that.

The Excuse: “I'm not ready to be in a relationship.”

Kim* who just graduated from The College of William & Mary, describes a relationship she had: “He was moving a bit fast in the beginning, but I slowed things down because I didn't want to rush into anything,” she says. “And then a month after we became official, he broke it off with the excuse: 'I thought I was ready, but I realized I'm actually not ready to have a girlfriend.'" Talk about ironic!

What it really means:

To Kim, “it means that he jumped into a relationship without realizing the responsibilities that came along with it.”

Marie agrees. “What he really means is, 'I just want to party and have a lot of sex with a lot of different women,'” she says.

However, Smith has a different approach to this situation. “The translation is that he may or may not want to be in a relationship right now… he just would rather be single than be with you,” she explains.

The Excuse: “I’m bringing you down."

“My ex told me that I had a lot of potential and he was 'bringing me down by distracting me from my schoolwork!'” says Aja Frost, a junior at California Polytechnic State University. Oh, come. On.

What it really means:

Aja's interpretation is that “he wanted a guilt-free way to break up, so he was trying to convince both of us he was a negative influence on me.”

Bottom line, a guy who uses this excuse is looking for the easy way out.  However, Marie says that he “still wants you to feel good about yourself.”

The Excuse: "Summer is on its way, so let's see how we feel about each other in the fall."

Chloe*, a senior at Marist College, has heard this excuse twice.“The first time I think it was definitely an easy way out,” she says. “We could have made it through the summer, and I later learned it was just because he wanted to end it but wanted a more 'legitimate' excuse.”

What it really means:

Depending on the situation, this can truly mean that the guy is not ready to commit right before the summer – understandably so. But in Chloe's case, this was just a convenient way for her ex to avoid admitting that he didn't want to be in their relationship anymore.

Why do guys use these excuses?

You might be wondering why guys feel the need to lie or hide the truth, when all you want is a straight explanation. Well, believe it or not, guys don’t usually have the wrong intentions, and they legitimately think a white lie is the fairest way to break up with you.

Sharp’s best advice is that “you should take any reason given for a breakup with a big, old grain of salt. It is not the place where people tend to be the most honest, so don't make too much of what is said.”

There are endless reasons to break up with someone, but there are four main reasons why someone won’t tell the truth when breaking up with you, Sharp says: “They want to hurt you, they want to protect you (not hurt you), they don't want to make themselves vulnerable or they are pretty confused and don't know themselves.”

How to deal

“These excuses really mean that either they are simply not ready for a relationship or there is no love connection,” Smith says. Either way, don’t sit around waiting for your ex to come around. “If they can’t see what a catch you are, you should move on and find someone who appreciates you!” she says.

As for dealing with these poor excuses, Smith urges you to “respond with charm and grace.” Don’t be afraid to thank a guy for his honesty (even if you don’t buy it!) and walk away. This will make you the bigger person, and you really have nothing to gain from lashing out at your ex anyways.

Remember Sharp’s advice and don’t take these ready-made lines too seriously. Be aware of what a guy’s true reasons might be, but don’t get hung up on them. Move on and focus on yourself instead!

*Names have been changed.

Whoever said, “Love is a many splendored thing” must have known something we didn’t. As collegiettes, we spend a lot of our time looking for a Mr. Right without realizing that maybe Mr. Right doesn’t exist right now. Sure, we’d all like to find the Cory to our Topanga and the Chuck to our Blair, but college is a place for learning and making mistakes. Over the course of our college careers, we learn a few dating lessons that can actually take us a long way.  

Lesson #1: You don't have to find “The One” in college.

You’ve probably heard about girls who go to college to pursue the infamous "MRS Degree", that is, girls who go to college specifically to find a husband. But, as much as some of us don't want to believe it, college isn't the only dating ground we have left.

Jasbina Ahluwalia, founder and president of dating site Intersections Match, says she believes college is more about self-discovery than finding Mr. Right. “If a girl feels like all of her friends are coupling and she feels left out, she should know that there’s time,” Ahluwalia says. “She’s young; she’s best served by seeing her college years as self-discovery, which will put her in the best position to partner up with the right guy later.”

Sure, you may meet your future husband in your chem lab, but the world isn't going to end if you don't end up finding a soul mate in college.

Lesson #2: That random guy you hooked up with at a party will probably not be your next boyfriend.

Wouldn’t life be great if all of our relationships worked out the exact same way that they do in those college party movies? Parties and get-togethers are great for those of us who want to make friends and meet people, but let’s be honest with ourselves and come to terms with the fact that the chances of meeting someone who is boyfriend material at a party are slim to none. “Most serious college relationships start with you two being friends, [like] meeting through mutual friends, a class or a club,” says Iris, a junior at the University of California at Los Angeles.

Lesson #3: Trust your instincts.

Don’t be the girl who finds everything wrong with a guy but still decides to take her chances with him just because he’s cute. If your gut is telling you that he’s not right for you, then he might not be right for you. An important aspect of dating is learning how to trust your instincts and not looking past the red flags.

Lesson #4: Playing hard to get will get you nowhere.

It's happened to the best of us – a guy sends us the text we've been waiting for all week, but we wait a while to respond so we don't look too eager. Although appearing too desperate may seem like one of our worst nightmares, playing hard to get hurts us more than it helps us.

“I’ve played hard to get with guys before, and in a few cases, it definitely didn’t work out as planned,” says Amber, a junior at Columbia University. “I think I scared a few off, and others just stopped talking to me completely.”  After all, how is a guy supposed to know you’re interested in him if you keep ignoring him?

Playing games can turn guys off, but, according to Ahluwalia, it can also attract them—the wrong ones, anyway. “Playing games can be transparent. It might only attract guys who are interested in the chase,” she says. “But chances are they’ll drop you once they get the ‘prize’ and pursue another chase.”

Dating and handling relationships in college can be fun, but also a bit confusing at times. The important thing to remember, however, is that the ups and downs we deal with are a part of the college experience. We can’t all find our future husbands, but at least we can have a little fun while trying!

You’re at the library when you spot an attractive stranger eyeing you from behind a pair of chic glasses and an alluringly large book. Probably an English major. The hot ones are always English majors. What do you say? “Are you an overdue book? Because you have fine written all over you!” 

How unsophisticated. In case your crush judges a book by its cover, you want to make the perfect first impression. And what better way to woo someone than with a pick-up line custom-tailored to the book he or she happens to be reading?

Take a page out of our book and try one of these literary one-liners.

1. You must be reading Fahrenheit 451, because you’re smokin’!

2. Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.

3. Why don’t we Middlemarch right out of here and go get dinner?

4. Did I just step into an E. M. Forster novel? Because any room with you in it is A Room with a View.

5. It’s no wonder Big Brother’s watching you. On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re 1984.

6. I don’t need to go In Search of Lost Time — I know it’s the time I spent before I met you.

7. Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?

8. Watching you walk through those stacks is A Moveable Feast for the eyes.

9. It’s funny that you’re reading Tennessee Williams, since you’re the only 10 I see.

10. Call me Ishmael. When can I call you?

11. Hey cutie, I Sense you have a lot of Sensibility. Was that too Austen-tatious of me to point out?

12. I believe in The Importance of Being Earnest, so I’m just going to say it: I’m Wilde about you.

13. I would Thoreau-ly enjoy it if this library weren’t so Wald-en. Why don’t you get some fresh air and go out with me?

14. Hey, why don’t you let me bring you to Treasure Island?

15. I could say that I wandered lonely as a cloud before I met you, but what are these Wordsworth if you won’t go out with me? 

16. I’d Fight to go to a Club with you.

17. Wanna go find us A Room of One’s Own?

Disclaimer: Many libraries don’t permit food, so be careful about bringing in lines this cheesy and corny. But hey, at least they’re not as bad as these pick-up lines!
 

From trivial matters like leaving the toilet seat up at your apartment to bigger issues like flirting with other people at parties, quarreling with your other half is inevitable. When emotions run high, things can take a turn for the worse and build up to the question of if you should just let go of the relationship. But not all conflict has to be destructive –there’s actually a productive way work to through it! We spoke with Heidi Nguyen, a marriage and family therapist, to understand the steps you need to follow to resolve a conflict with your SO — without having to shout or have your mascara run down your face.

Step 1: Consider the timing

First, you have to decide if the issue is worth confronting at all. In relationships, you often have to pick your battles.

Nguyen says to ask yourself, “Is it more important to have [this] relationship, or is it more important to be right?” If you think there’s a possibility of a loving, fulfilling relationship, and you want that, then make the choice to resolve the conflict.

Before you communicate your concerns to your SO, consider your mood and the atmosphere you and your SO are in. “Don’t wait until you are really fed up with the situation and about to explode,” Nguyen says. Bring it up in a calm, private conversation. If you’re at a party with a bunch of your friends and your SO, that’s not the best time to bring it up. Instead, try broaching the subject during a one-on-one dinner or on a walk.

Step 2: Keep your emotions in check

Nguyen says the first thing to do at the sign of a fight is calm down. “Take a time-out, take a deep breath – something to keep your emotions in check,” she says. Our natural tendency is to scream, attack and defend our own position, but if you want to productively resolve a conflict, you must take a step back and refrain from letting your emotions cloud your perception of the situation.

When you feel anxiety, anger or frustration taking over, Nguyen does not suggest walking away. “Walking away and not saying anything will lead the other person feeling rejected,” she says. “[Tell your SO] you just need time to calm down.” If tensions are too high and you walk away, give your SO the heads up and tell them you need to clear your head before you continue the conversation – be specific about how much time you’ll need.

Step 3: Emphasize your needs and view the conflict objectively

Once you’ve calmed down, Nguyen says to consider your SO’s point of view while also owning your needs. “Rationally think about the goal, then approach communication in a way that’s consistent with that goal,” she says.

Let’s say your goal is to have a more romantic relationship. It’s your birthday, and you’re waiting for your other half to arrive at the restaurant where you two will have a celebratory dinner. He shows up empty-handed, and you’re extremely hurt that he didn’t bring a birthday gift for you.

Though you’re internally upset, Nguyen says the best thing to do is take a deep breath and greet him how you normally would. Don’t let your anger influence you to cancel the date and storm off – that would mean you’re acting solely on emotions, which will hinder productive resolution.

After you’ve calmed down, casually bring up the fact that he didn’t meet your romantic needs. From there, Nguyen stresses that “your goal is to inquire – not tear him down, attack him or belittle him – whether he wants to work on being more romantic so that you can have a fulfilling relationship.”

It could be that you were raised to believe that sentimental gifts display love, or that in all your past relationships, that was your way of feeling loved. Whatever the reasoning behind your need is, express it to your SO. You could say, “I would’ve felt so loved and cared for if I got flowers from you on my birthday.” Use statements that begin with “I” such as, “I feel like...” or, “I think that...” That way, your SO will have an opportunity to respond or agree with your feelings. Chances are, Nguyen says, he will respond positively to your honesty.

Step 4: Find common ground

“With communication, the goal is to either accommodate him or for him to accommodate your needs. If that isn’t working out and [you] both get emotionally charged up again, then the goal is to agree to disagree,” Nguyen says.

Nguyen says that being able to agree to disagree depends on the situation. “If it’s a belief, like religion—he’s Catholic and you’re Buddhist—you can agree to disagree,” she says. “But if the situation is personally affecting the relationship, like there’s another girl involved, then [agreeing to disagree] is unrealistic. It would be like living with an elephant in the room.”

Nguyen urges to take into consideration your SO’s concerns, needs and perspectives within the context of the conflict. Find common ground, and then, if possible, compromise.

To sort the compromise, you have to be open and honest, but most importantly, you have to communicate. “Don’t interrupt; let each other talk, listen for the other’s perspective,” Nguyen says. “Then, wait until the person finishes to respond. Even go as far as to reflect back [what they said].” By repeating your SO’s words to him or her, you’re sending a signal that he or she is being heard, and it gives your partner a chance to repeat him or herself in case your interpretation of what he or she said isn’t accurate.

“If we put thought into what the goal is, there’s a way we can get it,” Nguyen says. “But if your emotions get in the way and you’re not mindful of the goal, [the result] usually comes out destructively.”

Nguyen believes that it’s not a confrontation so much as it is a discussion or a communication: bringing a conflict to attention so that it can be resolved.

Knowing how to handle a conflict with your SO can tremendously benefit your relationship. Don’t forget, collegiettes: Conflict doesn’t have to be confrontational! And, most importantly, don’t let your emotions take control of the situation. Breathe in, breathe out and work it out!

You’ve been with your college SO for a while now, possibly since you eyed each other on move-in day. It’s been a good run, but as graduation sneaks up on you (depressing, we know), you may start wondering if your relationship will last after graduation. We talked to Rhonda Ricardo, author of Cherries Over Quicksand, and Scot McKay, dating coach and founder of dating company X & Y Communications, to point out the signs that you should end your college relationship after graduation.

1. You’re in different places in your lives

If your SO won’t give up on frat parties and drinking until he or she pukes, it may be time to end it. The last thing you want is a significant other who’s stuck in college while you’re trying to set foot in the real world.

“If you’re in different years of college (one graduated and other is still there), that’s going to be a long road,” McKay says. “When people graduate from college they move on and have different mindsets.”

There’s no use in postponing your life for someone who isn’t ready to grow up. If your SO is still looking to live off ramen noodles and blow off responsibilities, there won’t be room for your relationship to grow. Find someone who’s in the same mental place as you.

2. It doesn’t feel right

Relationships can sometimes feel off, and this may be a sign that the two of you aren’t meant to be.

“The only way to truly know that something is off or it’s time to move on is to bring up the conversation with your SO,” Ricardo says. “If you or your SO states that they want to break up and pursue brand new career options before committing to a lifetime romance, then you know.”

McKay says that graduating from college can make a relationship feel different. “College relationships are a very specific social situation; you are on campus together,” he says. “Once you get out of the social scenario and get into the real world, the situation is different. You are the same people, but you’re in a different situation, and that can bring awkwardness to the relationship.”

3. You want different things

If you and your SO have different ideas of what life after college will be like, it may be best to move on. It’s not going to work out if your goals aren’t in line.

McKay says that relationships are built around prioritization. “Let’s say both of you are graduating, and one of you is moving to California and one to London,” he says. “You both aren’t prioritizing your relationship. You should admit to each other that your relationship isn’t as important as you think.”

If you truly mean a lot to each other, you can work out the logistics, but finding out what’s best for yourself is the only way to truly tell if you and your SO are meant to be.

4. You don’t see the relationship lasting long-term

If you can’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person, it’s time to end it. After graduation, people start to settle down, so you want to make sure you’re with the right person.

“We should be sure that we do not settle because our family wants us to be married or because we just don’t want to be alone when all of our friends are getting engaged in college,” Ricardo says.

McKay says you must have a vision of a future together if you’re going to be in a relationship after college. “If you’re going to be dating someone after college, you’ve got to be thinking about marrying them, and you have to make sure that’s what you want,” he says. Why put in all the effort if he or she isn’t the one?

Sometimes it simply isn’t meant to be. Life after college is much different than life in college, so your relationships could be different, too. Good luck, collegiettes!

Dancing to “Single Ladies” might make you feel better about your current relationship status, but that doesn’t mean seeing happy couples all over campus doesn’t make you feel bad sometimes. Sure, there’s the freedom that comes with being single, but it can also take a toll on your self-esteem. However, there is so much more in life than just being in a relationship!

We had Carole Lieberman, M.D., Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author, weigh in on why never having dated anyone is no big deal.

You don’t have to feel like an outcast

It’s normal to feel like a bit of an outsider if all your friends have had relationships while you’re still single, but don’t let it get you down! You don’t need a relationship just because your friends have one.

“Sometimes it may seem as though the world is built for pairs – from the animals walking onto Noah's Ark to the couples waiting in line at the movies,” Dr. Lieberman says. “As frustrating as this may be, you shouldn't feel like an outcast if you've never been in a relationship. Your time will come.”

Erum Salam, a junior at Texas A&M University, says, “Even though I used to feel like a single loser around some of my girlfriends and their boyfriends, I now know that I'm just someone who thinks carefully about who I let into my life.”

There’s no need to feel different for not having a significant other in your life right now. Just because you’ve never been in a relationship doesn’t mean you never will be.

It’s okay to wait for “the one”

When it comes to your love life, patience is key. You don’t want to rush into anything if you’re not ready. “Although romance seems easy on TV shows and in movies, the path to true love is often filled with land mines in real life,” Dr. Lieberman says. “It is better to be patient until you find a guy who is worthy of your love.”  Waiting for the right person doesn’t mean you’re too picky; it just means you know what’s right for you.

“I have yet to meet a guy with the same ambition and a shared outlook on life,” Erum says. “I’m confident I will meet him someday, and I'm in no rush to find him.” If you’ve set your own personal standards, stick with them! You’ll meet that person who fulfills every quality you’re looking for.

Having other priorities is important

Focusing on your future is not a lame reason for being single; in fact, it’s totally legit. Just look at Elle Woods! Not only did she become successful without a significant other, she found someone after she had a better sense of what direction her life was going in.

“Instead of spending your days and nights worrying about why Mr. Seemingly Right isn't asking you out or whether you will ever find true love, focus on making the most of other opportunities, such as doing well in school, planning for your career, volunteering, making friends and indulging in fun sports or hobbies,” Dr. Lieberman says.

Kathryne Davis, a recent graduate of SUNY Oswego, says her priority is her future. “I wasn't ready in high school and during college; I was trying to handle living on my own, plus trying to work hard in school,” she says. “I'm more focused on trying to figure out a career at this point in my life.” When you have a better idea of who you are and what you want from life, you tend to attract the right people.

Remember that there’s nothing wrong with you

It’s important not to blame yourself for never having dated anyone before.  “I used to think something was wrong with me, but now I realize I have standards and priorities,” Erum says.

Remember that you’re not doing anything wrong. In fact, you probably have a long list of qualities someone is looking for; you just haven’t met that person yet.

As Dr. Lieberman explains, “It is not your fault that dating and finding love has become harder than it used to be. Just make yourself the best you can be, from your appearance to creating a successful and exciting life. When you are happiest with yourself, you will attract others to you.” 

So, you’re single—who cares? You’re living your life for you, and there’s nothing more important than that. Don’t let people tell you that you’re too picky or bitter, or that you’re destined to become a crazy cat lady. Love yourself first, and the right person will drop into your life when you least expect it. In the meantime, enjoy being independent!

There’s nothing worse than having your schedule get in the way of spending time with your significant other. When life becomes stressful, it may be hard to find the time to show your partner how important he or she really is. You don’t always have to plan a big, elaborate date night; sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most.

Don’t let your relationship suffer due to a hectic semester! The next time you find yourself caught up in everyday stress, try these simple tricks to show your partner how much you value him or her.

1. Send a handwritten letter. When was the last time you received one of those?

2. Put together a care package full of his or her favorite treats. Don’t forget the cookies, brownies and carry-to-class snacks!

3. Send goodnight and good-morning texts. It’s always nice to start or end the day with your significant other on your mind.

4. Order takeout from your sweetie’s favorite restaurant. You can’t go wrong with pizza or Chinese.

5. Buy your SO a coffee for studying. This is the perfect pick-me-up, and it won’t cost you much.

6. Make a playlist with your SO’s favorite songs. Remember those old-school mix CDs you used to share in middle school? Share your Spotify playlist of tunes that express how you feel.

7. Share a funny photo that reminds you of one of your inside jokes. This is guaranteed to make your SO smile.

8. Leave little notes in your SO’s textbooks or backpack. For a nice surprise, you can hide sticky-note messages where they’re likely to be found.

9. Surprise your SO with a DVD. If you can’t find the time for a night out at the movies, bring the movie to your SO.

10. Pick up the latest issue of your SO’s favorite magazine. Making the effort to remember little details like this is important and will let your partner know you were thinking of him or her.

11. Create a DIY coupon book. This is a fun and easy way to make up for any lost time while your schedules don’t exactly match up. Make a little book of things you want to do together (such as ice cream dates, breakfast in bed, etc.), and give it to him or her!

12. Make a mason jar craft. Write down your favorite memories together or what you love about your SO on strips of paper and put them in the jar.

13.Buy a box of your SO’s favorite candy. This is a simple (and sweet) way to show you care.

14. Write encouraging messages in your SO’s calendar. This is great for the days when classes get overwhelming.

15. Plan a study date at library. This way you can see each other while also getting your own work out of the way.

16.Frame your favorite picture of the two of you. Bonus points if the frame is hand-decorated!

17. Join your SO on daily errands. Have a jam-packed day with lots of places to go? Ask your significant other to tag along. You can spend time together while being productive as well!

With graduation right around the corner, a lot of us are feeling the pressure, and not just with passing finals and securing our post-college plans. If there’s someone you’ve had a crush on since the first day of freshman orientation, but you haven’t quite built up the courage to make a move, that 15-page paper doesn’t seem like such a big issue. You don’t want any regrets, but how do you make an impression with so little time left? Here’s a five-step plan to get your crush’s attention before you accept your diploma.

1. Come up with a plan — now

The hardest part of this step is working with a limited amount of time. With so little time left until graduation, the days of building up confidence or plotting out an elaborate scheme are long gone. At this point, you’ll want to come up with a plan that fits your unique situation. If you don’t have a lot of time, it’s best to just keep things simple and invite your crush out to celebrate your success over drinks or dinner. We’ll elaborate more on these steps later, but whatever you choose to do, don’t let the ticking clock deter you from your goal

2. Be confident

This step is by far the most important. Even if your college career is winding down, you shouldn’t be afraid to make the first move! In fact, now is definitely not the time to be too shy or play hard to get. Confidence is key. Putting the situation in perspective can help calm any nerves, so think of it this way: you’ll be graduating soon, so if you get turned down or things get a little awkward, at least you won’t have to face your crush in chemistry class the next morning. But, if things go well, you’ll be really proud of yourself for having the confidence to make the first move. Either way, the feeling of graduating without any ‘what ifs’ will be completely worth it.

3. Make a post-finals anti-study date

Now that your schedule is finally free of finals, take a much-needed break from studying – and from the library. Make a Frappuccino happy hour date or make plans to hang in the courtyard to celebrate your newfound freedom and the start of summertime. Trust us: Your crush will love taking some time to just sit back and relax with a girl like you.

4. Make a dinner date

Maybe an anti-study celebration date isn’t your style – that’s okay. Now’s the time to make a date; invite your crush to dinner or fro-yo, or something else that’s a little more substantial than coffee alone. Or, if you have the time and effort left in you, you could plan something more elaborate. Maybe the two of you used to eat at the dining hall every day freshman year. How cute would it be to make one last trip back there and relive all the memories? Even if the two of you don’t have a special spot that works out quite as perfectly as that, just be confident enough to make plans and get your true feelings out there.

5. Get help from your friends

We’ve been preaching confidence all this time, and while that’s definitely important, sometimes situations are just easier with your friends around. So get a bunch of friends together for drinks and invite your crush along for the ride. If you really like living on the edge, invite him or her out for a celebratory post-graduation feast with a big group, and make your move then. It’s even better if you have an end-of-the-year event that requires a date (or one to which pretty much everyone brings one anyway). So whether it’s a sorority/fraternity event or a club’s end of the year bash, take full advantage of it and ask your crush to go with you.

Group or no group, the last thing you want is look back and wish you would’ve stepped-up when you had the chance. Whichever plan you decide on, the last days of school are your last-ditch effort to let your crush know how you truly feel once and for all – besides, who wants to leave college with regrets? So boost up your confidence and make some moves, collegiettes!
 

There it is: another text.

It’s the fifth one in a row, and you’ve yet to respond. You know he’s probably noticed that your read receipts are on and that you’ve totally read the latest update on his life. You ask yourself, “We’ve only hung out one time, so why does he think we’re closer than we are? Why do these texts keep coming?!” But you don’t know how to tell him that the reason that you’re not responding to his texts is because you just don’t feel the same way about him.

For some reason, that statement never comes out right. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you also want to make it clear that while you had a great time bonding over your mutual obsession with Breaking Bad, he needs to move along to someone else. Try these tried-and-true tricks from dating experts and collegiettes to detach the stage-five clinger in your life without being a heartbreaker.

1. Get “Busy”

You’re super involved: you’re the vice president of your sorority, you’re a Spanish tutor and you have to attempt consistent communication with family back home and friends abroad. You have a ton on your plate as a functional single collegiette, and guys may not fit into the picture right now. Tell him that!

“Some guys take hints better than others,” says Professor Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and the author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships. He advises to “not be available as much.”

If you find yourself in this situation, try telling your clinger, “Hey, I’m sorry if I haven’t been responding as much lately. I’ve just been really busy with [insert time-consuming club here]. And [insert difficult class] is really giving me a run for my money. So, this semester has been pretty crazy for me… I’ve barely had time to respond to my friends’ texts.”

Even the clinger from the bar—that one, singular night—can understand that you simply have other preexisting commitments and priorities in your life, and, in the nicest way possible, he cannot be one of them.

2. Give Him the Cold Shoulder

A favorite of collegiettes, the cold shoulder requires persistent unresponsiveness in communication. When your reasonable excuse of being busy isn’t halting his horses, many collegiettes find that one-word answers or not responding to his texts at all can be effective in conveying their feelings in a subtle way.

Veronica, a junior at the University of Missouri––Columbia, has used this strategy. She dealt with a guy who seemingly jokingly said, “I’ll probably text you in three seconds” after having dinner with her. And he did text her three seconds later.

“He texted me things like, ‘Hope you had a good time!’ ‘Good morning!’ ‘Hope you had a good day!’ without me saying anything in response to his texts,” she said. “Eventually, I just didn’t say anything back. And then he just never said anything.”

If you’re afraid to tell him the truth out of fear of hurting his feelings, try this indirect approach. While your silence may take a while to sink in, eventually the one-sided conversation will grow old.

3. Drop the “Friend” Bomb

If you still feel as if the clinging needs to be controlled, try dropping the “friend” bomb. In your everyday, casual conversations, mention that you’re glad you’re friends.

If you’re concerned that he is indeed falling hard for you, Greif advises you to say something along the lines of, “I sometimes worry I send mixed messages. I hope that is not happening with you. I’m glad to have you as a friend.” This not-so-subtle maneuver allows you to avoid the awkwardness of a full-on confrontation about his feelings while also telling him where you stand… which is at arm’s length away from him.

You can define the friend zone by addressing him as part of a group. “Talk about the guy as a friend along with a bunch of other friends,” says Greif.

For example, say, “It was fun going out with you, Joe and Rachel last night.” Because you’re grouping him with a bunch of friends, that too will deliver the just-friends message.

4. Mention Other Guys

Since the two of you are just friends, he shouldn’t mind if you talk to him occasionally about the other males in your life. While full disclosure of your fun night with another guy isn’t necessary, try mentioning another guy you’re talking to.

If you happen to be talking about your plans for the evening, Greif says to “talk about how you’re going on a date with another guy.” Obviously, only say this if it’s true. But if it is the truth, preach it! Hearing that he’s not the object of your affections could end his advances. 

Maria, a senior at the University of Missouri-Saint Louis, used this method on one clinger. “I could tell this guy was really starting to like me, and I definitely did not feel the same way, especially since I was already kind of talking to this other guy,” she says. “So when we were studying together one night, I made it a point to indirectly bring up how I had to leave a little sooner than expected to meet up with someone else. The rejected look on his face when I apparently crushed his crush was rough, but I guess it had to happen.”

5. The Last Ditch Effort: Be Direct

If all else fails, be blunt. That’s one thing relationship experts and boys agree on! Rather than beating around the bush and tiptoeing around his feelings, remember that he is wasting his own time on a girl who doesn’t like him back. Wouldn’t you want to free him up for someone who actually likes him?

“Sometimes you just have to be straight with them,” says Michelle, a junior at the University of Arkansas. “If a guy likes me and I don’t feel the same way, I nip it in the bud before things ever get too far.”

The guys even want you to be honest with them. Jack, a junior at the University of Missouri-Columbia, says, “If you’re not going to be blunt about it, he’s not going to get it.”

Jeffrey Sumber, a psychotherapist at the Creative Counseling of Chicago, advises the direct approach. “The best approach is good, solid, direct but kind communication,” he says. “The worst thing a girl can do is leave the door open for, ‘You never know, it might change down the road.’”

This stage-five clinger situation sadly often results in a lose-lose outcome. The guy can feel ridiculous for pursuing you in the first place, and you can feel guilty for breaking the news to him. But remember: there are more fish in the sea, and you were just not his fish. Whether you ignore his texts or actively put him in the friend zone, you just helped toss him back into the swirling, twirling sea of love.

After months (or years) of being bitterly single, you can spot THAT couple from a mile away. You know exactly the one we’re talking about: They are the pair that, for some reason or another, are so irritating that you wish they would just break up already. Harsh? It’s okay; we’ve all encountered THAT couple every now and then. But when it comes to your own relationship, it’s a little more difficult to tell if you and your beau are the ones getting on everyone else’s nerves. Never fear, collegiettes; we are here to help! Check out our signs that you’re THAT irritating couple.

1. You Overshare on Social Media

The Problem

Most collegiettes fill their social media accounts with a variety of posts: funny quotes, chic personal style pictures, some yummy recipes and even a #tbt photo here and there. If you’re a member of THAT couple, your virtual platforms may look a little different. When your scroll through your Twitter feed, Facebook timeline, Instagram pictures and Tumblr posts, it resembles a very detailed timeline of your relationship.

While wishing your boyfriend a happy anniversary is completely normal, other statuses are a little out there. “Picking up my boyfriend’s laundry #girlfriendproblems.” Girl, that’s more like #personalassistantproblems. “Stole his sweater so he’s keeping me warm all the time.” Can we say nauseating?

If this isn’t dreadful enough, there’s always THAT girl who writes on her boyfriend’s Facebook wall every three hours. “That joke you just told was soooo funny,” she writes while they’re hanging out. A few hours later: “I luv u babe.” Right before she falls asleep: “Goodnight baby.” Um, no thank you.

We’re almost as excited as you the first time your beau sends you flowers or surprises you with a romantic trip to a countryside bed and breakfast (if you’ve ever experienced the latter, consider us jealous); however, we’re not amused when you tweet, Instagram and make a Facebook status every time you and your boy toy go to the supermarket. We get it; you guys are very happy. But do we need to be reminded that every single time we want to tweet? No. Side effects of oversharing on your social media accounts may include a sudden dip in followers and only your boyfriend and your mom liking those mushy statuses.

Posting an Instagram of your boyfriend sleeping (we know, creepy) may be a way to tell all your followers that the two of you are super intimate. But we can let you in on a little secret: we don’t care. Instead, we just think it’s irritating.

The Solution

As much as you love being a social media guru, it’s important not to share everything about your relationship. Your followers aren’t in your relationship, so why should they know everything? Unless the two of you are Beyoncé and Jay Z, they don’t need to. But that doesn’t mean you have to hide your beau from your virtual platforms.

“Quality over quantity,” says dating coach and founder of The Love TREP Neely Steinberg. “[Share] the more special memories that people will care about.” While every time he sends you a cute text may not be worth posting about, we will want to see one or two pictures of the two of you from your wintry vacation to Park City!

2. You Ditch Your Friends for Your Boyfriend

The Problem

Take a look at your agenda. Is there a balance between dinner dates with your girlfriends and hanging out with your beau, or are you all booked with breakfasts, lunches, dinners and movie outings with your boyfriend? The latter, right?

While it’s natural to spend more time with your boyfriend once you’re in a relationship, leaving your friends in the dust is not okay.

“I don’t understand why some girls feel the need to completely check out of their friendships once a guy is in the picture,” says Catherine Sourbis, a recent graduate of Tufts University. “I’ve had friends who can balance their love life and friendships, so it’s not impossible.”

At first, you’re ditching your friends for a romantic date with your beau. It’s fine; they understand that you’re in the throes of young love. But when you bail on a girls’ night out because you and your boyfriend had to help his mom choose a new shower curtain, you’re committing a major friendship faux pas. After a couple of these incidents, your friends will probably stop inviting you to hang out. “She’s probably hanging out with her boyfriend,” they’ll say. With a quick look at your Facebook timeline, Instagram and Twitter feed, they’ll realize they were right.

The Solution

The solution is quite simple: hang out with your friends every now and then. We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the alternative is not too peachy. “It’s natural to see somewhat less of friends in the early and more intense phase of a new relationship; however, ignoring [your friends] won’t keep them [around] for long,” says Susanne Alexander, a relationship coach and founder of Marriage Transformation. You don’t need to ignore your boyfriend, but it’s imperative to have a healthy balance between your friends and your relationship. Scheduling a weekly dinner date with your roomie and coffee runs with your bestie are great ways to start. Plus, hanging out with your girlfriends is perfect for when you’re in desperate need of relationship advice. We know what you’re thinking: this sounds so Sex and the City.

3. You’re Guilty of PDA… in Front of Your Friends

The Problem

In healthy doses, there’s nothing wrong with a little PDA.  Holding hands? Very cute. Having a boyfriend put his arm around your shoulder when you’re watching TV? Adorable and unobtrusive. Making out with your beau in front of your friends? No, thank you.

“One of my friend’s ex-boyfriends would give her an over-the-top, Hollywood-esque kiss while she was talking to someone else!” says Madison*, a recent graduate of Boston University. “That may be romantic for the couple, but it’s just rude otherwise.”

Not only is this a complete conversation ender, it’s disrespectful to your group of friends. “Should I be leaving?” your friends are probably thinking to themselves as your beau starts grabbing your backside. Um, none of your friends signed up for this.

While every collegiette has had her fair share of DFMOs, getting hot and heavy with your boy toy during dinner with your friends is just awkward—there’s plenty of light, onlookers can’t be distracted by Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” blasting over the speakers and you cannot blame it on the alcohol. Excuse us as our appetite magically ceases to exist. Let’s just put it this way: your friends and other disturbed onlookers will be dying to shout, “Get a room!”

The Solution

You shouldn’t feel the need to stand three feet away from your boyfriend at all times. If you’re an affectionate couple, don’t be afraid to hold hands or exchange the occasional peck. However, it’s imperative to draw the line between appropriate PDA and uncomfortable PDA.

“If it is really turning off people around you, talk to your partner about what parts you can tone down in front of others,” says Steinberg.

So how do you figure out what type of PDA is too awkward for words? Try people watching and keep an eye out for those obnoxious couples. Once you make a mental note that playing tonsil hockey at your little sister’s school play is a complete no, feel free to send this article to the PDA perpetrators. They’ll thank us later.

4. You Use Crazy Pet Names in Public

The Problem

Calling your man “babe” or “honey” at a family gathering is completely normal, but what about “pookie boo” or “schmoopy” a la Seinfeld? It may be cute to you, but it’s like nails on a chalkboard to everyone else. Once the pet name exchange starts, it seems like it never stops.

And don’t get us started about using baby voices in public. “I cannot stand when couples talk in baby voices to each other,” says Melissa Marks, a recent graduate of the University at Albany-SUNY. “You are grown adults!”

Are you sick? Are you talking to your new puppy? Neither? So then why are you talking like this?

Love has the power to make you act like a two-year-old; however, we don’t think people who are having a dinner at a fancy restaurant signed up for a night of secondhand baby talk.

The Solution

Similar to using PDA to the extreme, it’s important to decide what type of vocabulary and voice should be used when it’s just the two of you. “One way to make a relationship special is to have some pet names and interactions be private,” says Alexander.

We have a sneaking suspicion that pet names and baby talk is a way to show some affection, so why should you publicize that to everyone within earshot of you? Feel free to call each other cute names in public, but save the mushy stuff for when it’s just the two of you. Trust us, it’ll be more special that way.

5. You’re Already Planning Your Future Together

The Problem

Whether you have a Pinterest board dedicated to your future nuptials (guilty) or played house when you were in kindergarten (guilty again), chances are that you’ve been scheming up your future for a while now. Claiming wedding color schemes and baby names with your girlfriends is completely normal, but planning your future with your boyfriend super early on is, well, overdoing it.

“We’re going to have three kids and a summer house in Montauk,” you and your man tell your friends… after a month of dating.

Let’s say it together, shall we? Slow down!

“If you’re still in college, you’re too young to be seriously planning your wedding and future, especially if you just started dating your boyfriend,” Madison says. “What’s the rush?”

While we’re very convinced that you’re going to find your Prince Charming, he may not be the guy you met on frat row after a few too many drinks last weekend. Translation? If he’s not the one, you guys may break up. And there’s no way of telling if he’s in for the long haul after a month of dating. So if you guys go your separate ways, everyone will be wondering what ever happened to that Montauk house.

As of now, prematurely planning your future with your new boyfriend is just annoying. Not only is it extremely presumptuous, but it’s going to make your single friends start panicking and imagining the rest of their lives as spinsters. And nobody wants to think they’re going to live a lonely life with cats at 19-years old.

The Solution

It may seem difficult when you’ve been (not so secretly) planning your wedding for what seems like an eternity and finally found a great guy, but take a breather and relax!

“If a woman finds herself doing that really early, I would caution her to take her time and let the relationship progress organically,” says Steinberg.

Though it’s great to realize that your relationship could have a long future, planning the rest of your life a little too early puts a lot of strain on the relationship. Clearly you can’t have that summer home in Long Island if your boyfriend was offered a job in California. Is this something to freak out about? No. Instead, see where life takes the two of you and cherish your time together.

As much as these quirks may annoy your peers, the only thing that should matter is if you’re happy. Sure, your friends may roll their eyes at how head-over-heels in love you are, but let’s remember one very important fact: if you’re THAT annoying couple, there’s a big chance you’re extremely happy with your beau. So post those cute Instagram selfies (within reason) and take your great relationship one day at a time.

*Name has been changed.

You’ve tested the dating pool by going to frat parties, scoping out club meetings and looking extra cute for class in the hopes that you’ll catch the attention of that campus cutie who sits across from you, but finding a quality guy can be harder than it looks.

We all know the pickings can be slim on college campuses, and while every collegiette has different standards when it comes to choosing her guy, there’s one thing we can all agree we want to avoid: drama. While we can’t exactly find your dream guy for you, Her Campus is here to help you with a list of guys to avoid while searching for potential boyfriends.

While these rules aren’t set in stone, follow these guidelines to avoid the dramatic consequences that tend to come with dating these guys:

1. Your RA

While it’s your resident assistant’s job to make you feel as comfortable as possible in your dorm, dating him can cross the line and become a little too comfortable. While it may start out as what seems like the ideal situation (he lives down the hall!), it could backfire if things don’t work out.

“Last semester I was hooking up with my RA and I thought we were going to date, but he ended things with me and it got so awkward,” says Michelle, a freshman at the University of Delaware. “I see him every day and just look down. The mandatory floor meetings he runs every week are so uncomfortable now!”

2. Your TA

Having a hot teaching assistant makes that 8 a.m. chemistry class so much more tolerable, right? While dating a TA may not seem as bad as dating a professor because he’s still a student, it can be seen as unethical and should definitely wait until after the class is over. Plus, if you decide he’s not your Prince Charming, do you really want your grade lying in the hands of an angry ex?

3. Your Friend’s Ex

This is the girl code we learn from day one: your friend’s ex-boyfriend is off-limits.

“I’ve always had a crush on my friend’s ex-boyfriend. They had been broken up for over a year when we finally hooked up, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal,” says Lexi, a junior at the University of Michigan. “I immediately told her about it and asked if she would be upset if it happened again. She said yes, so I backed off, but our friendship hasn’t been the same since.”

Dating a friend’s ex is practically guaranteed to lead to drama—or even the end of a friendship.

4. Your Ex's Roommate

No matter how much you may like him, we can’t imagine anything more awkward than spending R&R time with your boyfriend… and your ex. Together. In one room. A relationship should be a comfortable experience, and by starting things up with someone who’s close to your ex (in both a “close friends” and a “close quarters” sense), tension will be created right from the start.

5. Your Dorm-mate

Dating someone right next door can seem like a perfect (and convenient!) option in college. Who doesn’t want to see their beau every day for the rest of the school year? However, there are two majors problems with this: one, too much time together may not always benefit your relationship, and two, if it ends, you’ll have to see him every time you walk in and out of your door.

“Dating my neighbor was the worst idea I’ve ever had,” says Sara*, a freshman at the University of Delaware. “After we broke up, he’d give me dirty looks in the hallway all the time and cause a huge scene any time I brought another guy home. It was terrible.”

6. The Campus Player

Every collegiette thinks she can totally change the guy who openly embraces single life by hooking up with everyone in sight. But before you go for this challenge, think about it—do you really want to be with someone with wandering eyes who is infamous around campus for his hook-ups?

7. Your Friend’s Brother

If your friend is a protective sister or brother, things could get weird with this one. “I dated my best friend’s brother for a little while,” says Arielle, a sophomore at the University of Delaware. “We all thought it would be great at first, but soon my friend was getting annoyed that every time I came over it wasn’t for her anymore. Eventually it caused too much drama, and I ended things with him.”

There are so many dateable guys out there, so when you’re searching for your potential beau, keep this list in mind to eliminate the drama. Enjoy your flings, collegiettes!

*Name has been changed.
 

In one of our fave rom-coms, When Harry Met Sally…, Harry explicitly states, “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” But is this true? Haven’t we evolved since 1989?

He’s the boyfriend. You’re the girlfriend. But then there’s his girl (space!) friend. She’s super cool, almost a little too cool. You can see how they connect, how they go “way back”… but he picked you. So, what do you have to worry about? Nothing… right?

Here are some ways to tell if your guy’s female friend might actually be a little something more to him.

Sign #1: He’s Overly Protective of His Phone

Honesty is the best policy; that hasn’t really changed since our pre-K days. In a stable, healthy relationship, everything should be on the table. While there should be a certain level of trust present in every relationship, a super secretive boyfriend could be hiding something.

Sharing a few texts here and there and talking about random homework assignments or inside jokes is to be expected between friends. But when friendly crosses the line into flirty, there may be a problem. Winky faces, playful emojis and late-night conversations could reveal his true feelings for his “friend.”

A man’s relationship with his phone says a lot about him, says Mike Lindstrom, co-author of Men: Ten Secrets Every Woman Should Know from Two Guys That Do. “If his cellphone is on his person at all times, or… if he’s just overly close with it, that should be a big red flag,” he says.

Sign #2: He Puts Extra Effort Into his Appearance Before Hanging out With Her

“That’s strange. He styled his hair a little differently tonight. Is that mousse…?” That could be a warning sign. The only girl your man should be trying to impress is you.

Of course, he, like many others, may just be trying to look decent before stepping out into the outside world. But Lindstrom has a different take on the situation. “If they are truly just friends, he wouldn’t mind going to see her unshaven with his hat on backwards,” he says. “If he’s going out of his way, there’s something going on.”

That extra spritz of cologne, unnecessary primping in the mirror and too much time spent picking out an outfit could tell you that he thinks of his friend as more than a friend and seriously values what she thinks of his appearance.

Sign #3: He Talks to Her or Hangs Out With Her More Than You

Guys appreciate it when you can honor his bro time and just let him hang out with his friends for a change. And when those friends happen to include girls, it can earn you major cool points in your boyfriend’s mind. Ryan, a sophomore at the University of Missouri––Kansas City, agrees. “My ex-girlfriend didn’t get jealous when I hung out with other girls, and that was a bigger deal than you’d think,” he says. But if your boyfriend starts caring more about hanging out with his girl friend instead of you, that could spell trouble.

Tweeting at each other, liking each other’s Instagram posts (Every single one? Really?), and constantly texting each other is a bit much. You’re an understanding collegiette. You get that they’re good friends, so naturally they have a lot to talk about. But when he starts doing more of these things with her than with you, you could have a problem on your hands.

Charlie, a junior at Loyola University Chicago, says he once fell for one of his girl friends while he was dating someone else. “If a guy is talking to another girl more than his girlfriend, there’s got to be something there,” he says. “No guy should treat his girlfriend like that if he really cares about her… There’s definitely a line.”

Sign #4: He Invites Her Over to Hang out When He Knows You Won’t be There

If he’s hanging out with his gal pal when you’re not around or when he knows that you’re busy, that could raise some red flags. He knows that you always study on Wednesday afternoons at the library, so he makes it a point to invite his lady friend over during that time. He says he does this so that she doesn’t bother you or intrude when you’re over at his apartment with him.

So, why should you be concerned? Lindstrom says this is a huge red flag. “Inviting his friend over when he knows you won’t be there? Why doesn’t he want you there?” he says.

While he simply could be a very thoughtful guy, if he’s planning his hangouts with her around your schedule, maybe he’s doing that to purposefully have some alone time with her—and without you.

Sign #5: He Frequently Brings up Her Name in Conversation

“That reminds me of the time when she and I went to this music festival and we camped out in a tent. It was a crazy couple of days,” could just be another one of his entertaining experiences he has shared with his good girl friend. And you like hearing about his life before you came along. You like hearing all his charming anecdotes, which almost always make you laugh. But when one too many of those anecdotes involve the same two characters, you could start to see a pattern.

“He’s doing that [talking about her constantly] to test the waters,” Lindstrom, says. “If there’s interest or attraction, he’s going to bring it up more often because he wants his girlfriend to see her as a friend.” By doing so, Lindstrom says this will give the guy more freedom to argue: “She’s my friend; I talk about her all the time. If anything was going on, why would I talk about her?”

Maybe he’s just talking about her so much because they do have so many great memories together. But does he always have to tell you the stories in which she plays a main role? And does her name seem to come up in random conversations? If so, she could be on his mind… and maybe even in his heart.

Sign #6: He Confides in Her About Your Relationship

She’s a good friend, listening to him talk about his daily hardships. But when it comes to venting about the ups and downs of your relationship, that could be going a little too far.

Lindstrom chalks this situation up to two different kinds of cheating: emotional and physical. “Even if she [the female friend] is really just a friend—and they’ve never hooked up—but he’s giving a lot of very personal information, that could be close to emotional cheating,” he says. While it depends on each person’s self-described cheating barriers, Lindstrom says giving another girl all the personal details of your relationship could be crossing a line.

Maybe he just needed someone to talk to before you were available, or he wanted to clearly frame his ideas on a subject before confronting you about something. Naturally he would turn to his good friend, a fellow female, for advice. But when this becomes a regular occurrence and she knows more about your relationship than you do, it might be time to draw some boundaries.

Sign #7: He Can’t Say No to Her

She needs his help on an English assignment for class when he already promised to help you with your physics homework. He elects to help her because she’s already struggling in that class. She needs to go to the grocery store, but she doesn’t have a car. Your boyfriend offers to drive her even though he was planning on seeing his professor during his office hours today. When he can’t seem to find the word “no” for her, your boyfriend may be struggling to commit to you. When she starts to become a first-tier priority for him, it may be time to have a serious conversation with him. 

Girl friends of boyfriends walk a fine line between maintaining their friendship with their guy friend while also respecting the boundaries of his relationship. If you notice your guy becoming a bit distanced from you and a bit closer to his friend, you might want to step in. If it appears as if Harry from When Harry Met Sally… was right about guys not being able to have girl friends, you should definitely (calmly) confront your boyfriend. After all, if you don’t make the top tier of his priorities, why should he make yours?

Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.

I have a tendency to become a jokester around guys. I think this is a way to make them realize I'm down-to-earth and not a high maintenance girl. This is my real personality, and I'm glad that it makes guys feel more comfortable around me. The thing is, I feel like it makes me become "one of the guys." I do have a serious side to me, I just don't like to be (again) what could be considered high maintenance or uptight around guys. How can I maintain my "bro" mentality but still make guys see my feminine side, so they see me as more than just a buddy? – One of the Boys at BU

One of the Boys,

You said it yourself: “this is my real personality.” So why are you so keen on wanting to be different to get guys to see you in a more romantic light? That’s a recipe for disaster, One of the Boys. Very plainly put, I don’t believe in having to change aspects of yourself (your personality, your clothing, your style) to get people to like you. That’s setting yourself up for failure before you even begin.

Let’s say you do start to change things up. For example, you wear dresses instead of sweatpants, and you start wearing lipstick all the time—effectively, you become a different person than what your friends are used to, and at the same time, you aren’t yourself. You become a façade. So what happens when, hypothetically, you get into a relationship with one of these guys? Repressing your “bro side” is eventually going to get tiring—you can’t fake it forever. What happens when he realizes you aren’t the girl he thought you were?

You shouldn’t have to change yourself to be seen as more than one of the guys. If that’s your concern, I’d suggest looking for relationships outside of your group of friends, or even outside of your current circle of guys. Instead of dating someone you know or have known, step outside your realm of comfort and date someone unknown (that is, after all, an excellent way to build relationships). I think this will aid your situation by introducing you to someone new—someone who might love a girl with a tomboy mentality.

If, however, you’re set on being seen as more than a friend to one or more of these guys in particular, be flirty to get his attention. First, try smiling a little more. Maybe you already smile a lot, but make an attempt at eye contact while doing so (don’t hold it for too long, though; it could get creepy). Second, be a little flirty—a slight change in tone and a laugh every now and then might be all the push a guy needs to fall head over heels. Laugh loudly or bite your lip while thinking—both are cute quirks that I personally find incredibly attractive.

My suggestion, One of the Boys? Hang on to that ability to be one of the guys. I know a lot of guys who would love to hang out with a girl who doesn’t take two hours to do her makeup or who participates in public burping contests (I mean, I’d be thrilled to meet a girl who could have a burp contest with me while wearing a yellow taffeta sundress, ya’ know?).

The fact is your guy friends might just like you as a friend because you’re a cool friend, and you can’t make them fall in love with you just because you change a few things. At the same time, do you really want to have to change who you are as a person just to get someone to like you as more than a friend? Is that really fair to you?  

You want to let a special someone know you like him, but how?

Any logical person would talk to him to try and develop the relationship further.

But you don’t want to come off as too eager or desperate...

...so you play hard to get instead.

Because that’s totally how flirting works these days, and you heard that guys like “the chase.”

So you do everything in your power to gain his interest...

...then pull a 180 and avoid him like the plague.

When you run into him on campus, you act like you’re too cool to stop and talk, like:

And when he asks you to hang out, you make up commitments on the spot to sound busier than you actually are.

On the surface, it looks like you couldn't care less about him…

…but on the inside, you're like:

Sometimes you drop the ball and actually show your affection, like:

But then you realize your mistake and make up for it by ignoring him for an entire week.

The playing-hard-to-get method was working, but now you’re getting a little worried since he hasn’t tried contacting you again after you ignored his last four texts.

It’s like he doesn’t even care!

You second-guess your approach and have a panic attack when you think you've scared him off.

You ask all your friends about what you should do, and they reply unanimously, "Make a move."

So you send him a casual but flirty text and check your phone religiously, like you’re expecting updates on your application to Hogwarts.

After an hour has passed with no word from him, you think you’ve officially ruined your chances.

In a final effort to salvage the budding relationship, you act super available and give him a million opportunities to get in touch with you.

You just wish you could explain yourself to him.

But then a miracle happens...

...and you are back in the game!

Which means you can promptly go back to sending him mixed signals.

And while he's probably like:

You're on cloud nine, because being on the other side of "playing hard to get" is like:

Except for those few times when it backfires.

Now that summer’s finally here, you’re free: free to sleep in, free to show off your tan in short-shorts, and—most exciting of all—free to find yourself a fine-looking man! Whether you’re a seasoned summer love vet or you’re fresh on the dating scene, you’ll need to know your options.

1. The Beach Bum

It wouldn’t feel right to talk about the boys of summer without first featuring the most summer-loving guy of all: the Beach Bum. Most often spotted sans shirt and shoes, the beach bum does exactly what you’d expect him to do: bum on the beach. Whether he’s surfing every morning, challenging unsuspecting strangers to heated games of volleyball, or even holding court as the lifeguard in the tall chair, this guy never seems to leave the beach. (And we mean never.) You look at him and you imagine you hear “Kokomo” playing softly somewhere...

What does this mean? First off, he probably has a killer tan. You might have a bit of a complex when you sit next to him–where have you been, hiding under a rock all summer? He also probably has some natural highlights that you find supremely adorable (provided you ignore the fact that they make him look like a Backstreet Boy). On top of all that, he has a beach-ready body (read: washboard abs, toned legs, and arms that could carry you comfortably into the sunset). Overall, he’s a good catch... for the summer only.

It’s all fun (and sun) and games with the Beach Bum during the summer months, when you always know where to find him. Chances are, however, that when it comes time to head back to school in September, you’ll find the Beach Bum out of reach. Unless your school happens to feature waterfront property, he probably isn’t going to show up on your campus. If he does go to your school or even attend one nearby, you might find that that he becomes a little, well, boring. When surfing is your life, what are you going to do when it starts to snow? Probably nothing. Enjoy him for the season, collegiettes, but keep in mind that all good summer flings must come to an end!

2. The High-Powered Intern

The beach is the last place that you’ll find this go-getter. The High-Powered Intern spends his days in a swanky office in the big city, attending important meetings and making tough calls on product development. In all honesty, he’s probably just working in some forsaken corner of the office with the other interns, but who’s to know? He wears nice pants and a tie, which means “professional” to you. We can guarantee that underneath those grown-up clothes, he has no tan whatsoever. This guy barely sees sunlight anymore.

Don’t expect any fancy dinner dates with this guy—he’s probably operating on an unpaid intern’s salary. Expect interesting conversation about his job (provided it actually is an interesting job) and about his hopes, dreams, goals... The best thing about the High-Powered Intern is that he’s driven and knows what he wants (which could be you!).

The downside is that the High-Powered Intern is generally busy for most of the time. Unlike your everyday average intern, he isn’t satisfied with just working the 9-to-5. This means that if you don’t have a full-time gig yourself, you may find yourself feeling a little lonely. Internships are also a lot more stressful than lazy summer days spent lounging on the beach, so don’t be shocked if he gets a little high-strung every so often. Help him blow off some steam by taking him to a theme park on a Saturday or catching a movie after work!

3. The Volunteer

The Volunteer is probably the most promising of the summer boy set, but don’t tell him we said that! The Volunteer gets involved because he cares about others more than himself, not because he wants to pick up girls! (If you find a Volunteer who actually is trying to get girls with his man-on-a-mission persona, start walking in the opposite direction and warn all women you pass.)

Whether he’s out every day working with children or settled in an office of a non-profit, the Volunteer is always doing what he does best: helping. You can’t quite put your finger on what it is you love about it so much. Is it his Superman-style, save-the-world attitude? His selfless refusal to accept pay for his time? Or is it that he just looks so darn cute playing patty-cake with little kids? Whatever the reason, the Volunteer is a definite “do.”

4. The Outdoorsman

It’s common knowledge: boys like to climb stuff. Your boy, however, doesn’t just climb stuff; he climbs trees, mountains, or anything else that is high enough off the ground that you’d faint if you tried to follow him.

No adventure is too grand for the Outdoorsman and you need to be up to the task. Afraid of heights? Don’t be surprised when he encourages you to jump from the high rock above the lake. Expect your days with the Outdoorsman to be filled with fresh-air nature walks, early morning hikes, adrenaline spikes, and a lot of jumping in general. Consider it extreme dating: the faint of heart need not apply! If you’re really attached to your summer sundress collection, you might want to reconsider; you won’t have anywhere to wear them if you hang around the Outdoorsman since all of his dates require hiking or gym clothes! (Fashion doesn’t exactly fit well with dirt, bugs, and relentless heat. Oh, and hello humidity, goodbye hair styling.)

If, however, you’re feeling like you can handle—and even enjoy—getting back to nature, you’re in for a treat! The Outdoorsman is a top-notch romantic. Whether you’re stargazing in a field or campus by a bonfire out in the woods, you’re getting quality one-on-one time with your man that would make any rom-com lover swoon. Roast some marshmallows, carve your names in a tree, or skip rocks at the lake; you’ll never want to go back indoors again!

5. The Summer Student

You might think that the Summer Student differs little from the typical college guy. He takes classes by day, does homework by night, and parties on the weekends, right?

Wrong. Sure, the guy’s still in the classroom and dealing with essays and the like. What makes the Summer Student different, however, is the fact that he’s probably only taking one or two classes. That, and the fact that, since it’s not an academic-year semester, everyone else he knows isn’t in the classroom anymore. One of three things will happen:

1. He’ll treat the summer like any semester, staying in to do homework at night, indulging in Breaking Bad marathons to unwind, and letting loose once or twice a weekend. Not bad, but not thrilling, either. Where’s that summer spirit?
2. He’ll be so filled with envy over your beach breaks and your lack of term papers and textbooks that he’ll get a little... bitter. He’ll complain, and after the fifth time, you will not enjoy listening.
3. He’ll choose to ignore the fact that he is currently taking classes and will treat every day like summer. (Homework? What homework?)

We admire his drive, but we’re still a little hesitant. The best part of the summer dating scene is the chance to find a guy who isn’t still afflicted with the frat bro mentality or still stuck in study mode at night. Assess the situation before striking up with the Summer Student; if he seems like a summer-loving guy who’s only taking a class on the side, give him a shot!

6. The Tennis Pro

Similar to the beach bum, but classier, preppier, and fully clothed. The Tennis Pro enjoys swinging a racquet so much that he does it all day long, even–gasp!–for pay. Since he’s earning money doing something he loves, he’s probably one of the happiest guys you’ll meet this summer, and happy guys make for happy summer loves.

The Tennis Pro spends his days in his natural habitat: the country club. He’s usually surrounded by a group of rowdy children or a huddle of overly affectionate older women. He’ll probably take you to lunch at the club once or twice, and–with any luck–give you a private lesson. Sure, he’s almost annoyingly preppy, and no, you’re not a fan of his sock tan. But the clothes don’t make the man, and neither do the tan lines!

As long as your guy likes to do something other than play tennis (playing golf doesn’t count), you’ll find common ground and maybe even make your summer fling carry on into fall. If he spends his nights watching ESPN and salivating over the Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal rivalry, however, you might want to find a guy who’s a bit more well rounded (and a lot less obsessive). You don’t really feel like competing with cougars, anyway.

7. The Bartender

He may not be doing what he loves, but the Bartender is also one of the few boys who’s making bank this summer. He won’t be stressing over funds, so he won’t be filling his free time with odd jobs. That means, he’ll have more time to hang out with you! Since he often works the night shifts, he can spend hours on end lounging in the sun, taking walks in the park, taking daytrips to the beach, and doing any other cheesy (but awesome) romantic summer activity that your heart desires, all without missing a moment of work.

The downside, unfortunately, has to do with your schedule: if you’re working a 9-to-5 and are only free at night, the only time that you and your night-shift-loving hook-up have available for hang-outs is midnight or later... fun, but not very conducive to an actual relationship. Sigh.

If, however, you’re only working part-time or he finds himself on the day-shift circuit, you’re in the clear! Which is lucky, since the Bartender is one of the best boys on the block. Not only does he have an employee discount and know how to make yummy drinks, but he also likely has a life (and interests, talents, skills, etc.) that lies beyond his working hours. We like a guy with a little depth to him – even if he’s only our summer fling.

Get ready to dive into the summer dating pool, collegiettes! Whether he’s a 9-to-5er, a surfer boy, or a first-time intern, you’ll know what to expect. Let the summer lovin’ begin!

You’ve been listening to Adele on repeat, crying into your (third) glass of wine and eating your feelings with Ben & Jerry. Any collegiette knows that these are the telltale signs of a recent breakup.

Although wallowing is an important part of grieving a relationship, there’s a point when you realize that you have to move on. The only problem? It’s easier said than done. And while you’ve heard of the term “closure,” you’re not quite sure what it means or even how to get it. Well, fortunately for you, HC has asked the experts on what closure is, how you can get it and why it’s so important to move on. So turn off the Adele and read on!

What is closure?

According to Jeffrey Sumber, a licensed professional clinical counselor, closure is, “a mutually agreed upon experience where both people leave with resolution or peace. Both parties can walk away with a sense of finality.”

In a breakup, closure is when you and your ex accept that your relationship is over and you both feel a sense of resolution. Even if you or your ex felt more strongly about ending your relationship, Sumber says that you can still gain closure. “It’s possible to end [a relationship] with understanding and kindness…You can walk away and not leave a door open,” he says. “It allows you to heal quicker.”

It’s important to note that closure doesn’t necessarily means that you’re ready to date again, but rather that you’ve closed the chapter on your past relationship and are ready to move forward. It’s an important part of getting over an ex and the breakup so you can feel confident starting a new relationship down the road.

How to get it

What worked for your friend might not necessarily work for you, mostly because you had different situations. Similarly, what worked for you in past relationships might not be as helpful now.

“If you don’t move on, you’re unlikely to be emotionally available for a happy and healthy relationship in the future,” says Jasbina Ahluwalia, dating coach and founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina. “View it as a growth and glean anything you learned about yourself and your needs in a relationship.”

Every breakup is different, and the time it takes for you to get closure greatly depends on how the relationship ended and if you’re still talking to your ex. You may need more or less time to heal.

When you’re on speaking terms with your ex

In this scenario, closure can come in the form of a conversation. However, consider taking some time after the breakup before having this type of conversation. “A bit of communication hiatus is recommended, [like a week or two],” says Jodi RR Smith, etiquette consultant and president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “It’s important to process the feelings and emotions [to avoid] a major scene at some later point.”

When you feel ready to have a conversation, contact your ex and decide on a meeting place. Your meeting place should be private enough that you can have an open conversation, yet still public enough that you’re not put in an uncomfortable position. For example, a coffee shop might be a good setting to speak about your relationship; just don’t choose the Starbucks that you know all your friends go to.

“Even consider a walking trail so you can walk and talk,” Smith suggests. “And it should be short; keep it to 45 minutes maximum. Otherwise the conversation could go south quickly and won’t be as productive.”

Sumber also encourages picking a neutral location and to start the conversation on a positive note. “I encourage people to start with by sharing positive feelings. [For example], share with an ex all of their greatest qualities,” he says. “Then, ask permission to speak what could have gone differently or better only if your ex is interested in hearing [and sharing] feedback about the relationship.”

The main goal of speaking with your ex shouldn’t be getting back together, and don’t expect to it automatically cure the post-breakup pain. Rather, the main point of the conversation is to gain perspective on your past relationship and gain some insight for your future ones.

“[To do this], some questions you might want to ask are what [your ex] appreciated about your relationship and what [he/she] felt detracted from your relationship,” Ahluwalia says. “Get their view on how you may have contributed to that detraction [or lack of connection].”

Once you feel like you’ve gained some perspective, end the conversation amicably, maybe give your ex a quick hug and then go your separate ways. “Keep it short and keep it neutral,” Smith says. “Then it’s up to you to take care of yourself and move on.”

By recognizing all the good things you had in your relationship while also identifying what could have gone better, it helps you learn and process the relationship. “We don’t engage in relationships just because they feel good,” Sumber says. “We engage in them to grow as individuals and closure allows us to drive home those learning opportunities.”

When you’re not talking to your ex

For one reason or another, you might not speaking to your ex. While most people think that closure has to include both partners, most experts say that’s not the case. “You cannot rely on an ex to provide closure,” Ahluwalia says. “It’s an inside job.”

The experts suggest doing something active to physically gain closure from a breakup. “Incorporate a tactile, closing ritual that you can’t get in person,” Sumber says. “For example, journal things you would normally say to an ex, or burn a present. You could even bury something… Just make it something tactile.”

You might find it helpful to write a letter to an ex expressing everything you want to say but can’t because of the circumstances and shred it (never mail it!).  Or, you can start working out to physically “sweat out” and get rid of your past relationship.

Ahluwalia even suggests saying all the things you want to say aloud, either to an empty chair or to a friend or family member. “Imagine your ex sitting in an empty chair, and say what you didn’t have a chance to share,” she says. “Or speak to a family member [or a] friend, or consider counseling because counselors can provide objective feedback.”

Lastly, you might find it helpful to change your environment to help you start thinking differently about your breakup. “Changing your environment can help you change your state of mind,” Ahluwalia says. “It can take form in a vacation or even redecorating… Get physical and emotional distance from your ex.” Without constant reminders of them, you can start to focus on yourself and your own needs.

Whether you’re on speaking terms with your ex or not, you can gain closure from a relationship in a healthy way that helps you move on. Try one thing or a combination to find what works best for you!

What closure feels like

So you know what closure means and have taken all the right steps toward it, but how do you know when you’ve actually moved on?  Most experts say that you will feel a sense of freedom and acceptance.

“[You] can feel like the weight of emotional baggage has been taken off your shoulders,” Ahluwalia says. “Or [you won’t] have strong feelings or attachment to your ex. It’s freeing.”

Similarly, Smith explains that an ex will always have a place in your heart, but you start to feel more normal again. “You won’t always be bursting into tears or falling to pieces when something reminds you [of your ex],” she says. “You’ll be having more fun and functioning normally. And one day you might wake up and realize that if an ex doesn’t see how fabulous you are, then [he or she] is not worth it.”

Of course, there will be times that you miss your ex and even get upset over your breakup in the weeks or months afterwards. But eventually those intense feelings fade and you start to feel happy again.

Moving on takes time. You might have some good days and some not-so-good ones – it’s all part of the process. “It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve,” Sumber says. “But then it’s important to move on, because you have to grow. Process the past as fertilizer for your future.”

By accepting that you and your ex did the best you could in the relationship and viewing it as a learning experience, you can move on fully and get rid of any emotional baggage before your next relationship.

“It’s important to move on, because you’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you,” Smith says. “It is possible to be alone without being lonely. Enjoy being by yourself, and you’ll know when you are ready to date again.”

The end of the semester is here and whether you’re excited or dreading it, it's time to meet your boyfriend’s parents. Nervous might not begin to explain what you're feeling, but don't sweat. We’ve compiled a list of dos and don’ts that you must follow when coming face-to-face with your boyfriend’s parents for the first time.

DO dress appropriately

First impressions are important and part of that is how you dress.

"A night out with the girls and meeting the parents are two different occasions," warns Mariah Moses, a collegiette at Virginia State University.

Ask your boyfriend how conservative his parents are. You don't want to offend anyone by showing too much skin or wearing attire with images or language that might be seen as rude. You might want to avoid clothing that promotes violence or is overtly sexual. To be safe, lean on the conservative side until you get to know them better.

If you're meeting at a fancy restaurant, wear an appropriate dress. Don't wear stilettos if you're expected to do a lot of walking. This is important, as Emma*, a student at Skidmore College, discovered.

"My ex-boyfriend lives on a horse farm, but when I went to meet his parents for the first time I forgot to bring any shoes that were good for trekking through the dirt. I had to borrow my ex's little sister's shoes. I definitely gave the first impression that I was high-maintenance and it took a while to convince his parents that I really wasn't!"

DON'T arrive late to meet them

As previously mentioned, first impressions are everything and being late is not a good one. Running in looking flushed from the sprint you just did to arrive on time might not make a good impression either. Give yourself enough time to get ready. Coming early is better than coming late. Arriving late, sweaty and out of breath can also increase any self-consciousness or nerves you may have. Giving yourself a good fifteen minute cushion can be enough to calm those pre-meeting nerves.

DO some research beforehand

He's probably told them a little about you, so it's good to be familiar with some general facts about them. Don't be afraid to ask your boyfriend for some information on his parents; he obviously wants you to make a good impression, too. Ask him about their quirks or pet peeves so you can avoid doing anything to annoy them.

"Before I met my ex-boyfriend's parents, he told me that his dad had OCD and liked to keep things in a specific order," says Cassidy* from Kwantlen Polytechnic University.

Not only should you ask about their expectations, you should also know little things about them that you could bring up, should there be a lull in conversation. Use these little facts to your advantage: "So, Jenson tells me you recently got a promotion. Congrats!" or "I heard you love Downton Abbey. What did you think of the finale?"

This shows that you are interested in their lives and gives the impression that you are looking for a connection.

DON’T be culturally insensitive

If your significant other’s family is of a different culture, make sure to learn about what is culturally acceptable and what is considered disrespectful.

"In some cultures it is rude to do certain things. For example, in many Asian cultures it's rude to tell a host or hostess that you don't like the food or do any kind of complaining. If they ask you if you'd like more, generally you take it," says Elise*, a collegiette from Mount Holyoke College.

It's important to show that you’re at least making an effort to understand the culture. Even if your boyfriend's parents are not of a different ethnic background, the same advice could apply for religion. Get to know what their spiritual beliefs are (if they have any). Even if you know they follow a certain religion (like Christianity or Islam), religions can have different denominations where traditions and beliefs can vary.

DO bring a gift (if you’re visiting their home)

If you are invited over for dinner, you can never go wrong with a little gift, just as long as it is just that—little.

“If you're going for dinner it's polite to take something like a box of chocolates or flowers or a bottle of wine,” says Elise.

Alicia Thomas from Pennsylvania State University admits to being nervous about meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time.

“I really liked him and wanted to make a good impression, so I came prepared,” she says. “I arrived at their house with a bottle of red wine and a juicy bone for the family dog (with a big red bow on it since it was his birthday!), which his parents loved.”

She also left a thank-you card that went down well with his parents. “I think little stuff like this can leave a great impression, and they've told me numerous times since that I'm welcome in their home anytime!” she says.

DO be polite, but DON’T be dishonest

Simple manners never got anyone in trouble. “Please” and “thank you” never go out of style, but Elise warns not to be too polite, to the point where you compromise your own comfort. “If anything makes you feel uncomfortable then say so! Hiding it will make it worse. For example, if you have allergies and his parents have seven dogs, then you should probably say something."

You should also be wary of complimenting for the purpose of flattering. Never say anything you don’t mean. Yes, compliment the cooking, the decor of the house or his mom’s dress—but only if it comes from an honest place. Flattery may win some people over, but some can see straight through false praise. The last thing you want to do is come off as fake.

DO be yourself, but DON'T overshare

Sometimes nerves can get in the way of showing your true personality.

“It’s scary and intimidating because you want to be liked,” admits Claudia Martinez, a student at British Columbia Institute of Technology.

If you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’re doing yourself a disservice. They will be missing out on getting to know the real you. After all, they want to meet the girl that their son has fallen for, not a false version of her.

If you tend to be a naturally open person, although that may be part of your personality, you might want to tone it down for the first meeting.

A first meeting with the parents is just like a first date with a guy—don’t overshare! Don’t talk about your exes, your sex life or any past criminal history. Keep the conversation light, and don’t share any stories about the last time you had bowel problems, especially around the dinner table.

DO show your admiration for their son but DON’T pile on the PDA

Yes, laugh at his jokes and say nice things about him. Let his parents know how much you adore their son... just don’t take it too far.

A little cuddling or hand-holding might be cute, but don’t get carried away. You don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. That means no making out or touching in inappropriate places!

“My ex-guy’s parents are religious, so I knew that we should respect their beliefs towards sex before marriage,” says Cassidy. “The most he did around them was put his arm around my shoulder. We maybe hugged, but that’s it.”

DO offer to help out

The last impression you want to give is a lazy one. Offer to help set the table or wash the dishes if you’re at their home. Even if they refuse your help, at least you asked.

“When I stayed with my boyfriend’s parents, I was too shy to offer to help wash the dishes. Eventually, his father called me out on it... jokingly, but still. I should have just done it,” says Cassidy.

Not only would offering to help prep or clean up show that you are respectful of the time and effort they put into meeting you, but it could be considered rude if you don’t offer to help out in some way. Not all people will find it rude if a guest doesn’t offer to help out, but the safest thing to do would be to at least make your intention of helping out known. It shows that you appreciate and acknowledge the work that goes into preparing for the meeting.

DON’T get involved in any family drama

It happens. Sometimes little arguments will erupt and awkwardness can ensue. Whatever you do, don’t take sides. Respectfully keep out, even if you want to take your boyfriend’s side. The best thing you can do is stay neutral. You don’t want to get involved in other people’s business. The last place you want to be is in the middle of a fight with people you just met!

*Names have been changed