We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I went out with my best friend's roommate and we were in an LDR for six months. We're about an hour away from each other at home and two hours apart at college.

This summer, my boyfriend ended things, saying he couldn't handle the distance and that he'd only have weekends free next year (he has an internship).

Then, straight after, he went on a trip with his guy friends and slept with someone else. He came back and asked me to get back together with him, saying that this made him realize he'd made a mistake and that he loved me. He also said that we didn't know if our relationship would work until we tried properly (which was my argument for not breaking up). I rejected him and told him that we'd review things after summer when we knew what next year in college would be like.

Since then, he's been acting like we're still together! He keeps telling me he loves me, he wants to meet up a lot and he basically acts like he did when he was my boyfriend. All my friends (and his friends) think he'll just dump me again if we get back together, but I know I have to follow my own heart. 

How can I tell if he's going to dump me again and if this is right for me? -Confused in Connecticut

Connecticut,

First things first: I hesitate to label your relationship as “long distance,” because, honestly, an hour or two away from each other isn’t that far away at all. This isn’t your fault, really, and it actually feeds into his reasoning for splitting with you in the first place.

I was in a relationship with a girl who lived over 400 miles away, and while things were hard sometimes, we made it work for a whole year even though we only saw each other once a month. So I don’t think his reason for breaking up the first time was because of distance — I think it was because he wanted to be able to have fun without consequences, like sleep with someone during a trip with his friends.

Now, onto his post-breakup antics…

While I don’t think distance was the original problem, I do think he realized that breaking up was a mistake. Feelings are fickle like that sometimes. The unfortunate truth is that you don’t really know for sure if he’s going to dump you again or even if it’s right for you until you decide whether or not you want to give it another shot.

If your friends are telling you not to do it, I’d heed their warning. Your friends may not know exactly what you need, but they’re usually pretty good at estimating. If all of your friends and all of his friends are telling you not to give in, then you should listen to them.

What you need to figure out now is whether or not you even want him at all. The evidence points to the contrary, Connecticut. He broke up with you and slept with someone else only to come crawling back to you crying, “Mistake! Mistake!” His friends and your friends don’t think it’s a good idea. You told him that you needed to wait, and he’s sitting there acting like you’re in a relationship anyway. This is super important, too; I’d even call it a red flag. He’s not listening to or respecting your wishes. Is that the kind of attribute you look for in a guy?

If you want my opinion, I think you need to move on from this kid. Like I said, you can’t know for sure if he’s going to break up with you unless you take a chance and get back together with him, but I don’t believe that’s something you should consider given his previous actions.

He jetted off to travel abroad and you were consumed by your dream internship in a big city. Or, you both bummed it on the couch at home and you just happen to live eight hours apart. Whatever the reason, you and the person you were seeing at school decided to take a break over the summer. But now that summer’s over, you’ll be back in the classroom before you can even say “Welcome Week.” And, of course, that means he or she will be there too. So what do you do now? If you’re nervous about where your relationship stands, check out these tips from dating coach Jasbina Ahluwalia for bouncing back from a relationship break.

Step 1: Get Ready to See Him or Her Again

Seeing him or her for the first time in the fall after a break can be either a really happy, exciting moment, or a really awkward one. Luckily, you do have some control over which way the situation sways. An easy way to initiate the “reunion” is to text him or her a few days before you return with something simple, like: “Can’t wait to be back at school! When do you move in?” It eases him or her into thinking about seeing you again, and it’s also a great way to get back in touch if you haven’t talked in a while. Set up a time to grab coffee or plan to sit together at a class meeting. That way, you won’t be flustered when you accidentally bump into him or her in the mailroom after not seeing him or her for three months. 

Step 2: Feel it Out

Sometimes, it’s easy to tell how your old flame is feeling once you see him again—he or she will either run up to you to scoop you into his arms for a kiss, or he or she will go for the awkward friend hug (the worst!). And while a lot of what he or she does will probably seem hard to read, it’s important to tune into how he acts towards you, because it could be a major indicator of how things will play out now that you two are back at school. Three months is a long time to be apart, and jumping right back into a relationship at the drop of a hat can be difficult. Be attentive to how flirty, awkward, or distant your guy or girl might seem. Likewise, be aware of the vibes you could be giving him or her.

3. Don’t Set the Bar too High

As we said before, summer is a long three months to be apart, and even if you two decide to kick things back into gear with your relationship, it still might take you a while to get back into the groove that you had last year… and that’s okay! A lot of things can change in three months, especially if either of you was traveling or working over the summer, so the dynamic of your relationship might be different this time around. And a new school year also means changes in classes and schedules, which might eliminate the Wednesday lunch dates you guys used to have last semester.

Don’t get discouraged if things don’t fall into place perfectly right away—few things do in the first few weeks of school! The easiest way to deal with any changes is to embrace them, and try not to put a lot of pressure on a relationship that’s just as rusty as you are in class after a three-month vacation.

4. Have “The Talk"

If your relationship seems different or awkward once you return to school and you’re not really sure what’s going on, sit down with your guy or girl and talk about your current (and future) relationship status. It doesn’t have to be a super serious, intense session. Just tell your guy you want to catch up and see where things are with the two of you now that you’re back at school. It can be frustrating and nerve-wracking if the responsibility falls on you to initiate the conversation, but you’ll be happy you did once you know exactly where the two of you stand and where to take things from there—especially since you’re most likely going to be seeing your guy around campus pretty consistently.

“Be honest and upfront with him about your feelings,” advises Ahluwalia. “Express yourself using a confident and positive emotional tone. Do not expect him to read your mind, and do not attempt to read his.”

Whether you want to completely pick up where you left off last year or if summer made you realize you’d rather be single, you need to tell him or her what you’re thinking. Leaving any confusion or ambiguity in your relationship is only going to cause trouble and hurt feelings. Tell each other what you each want out of the relationship and what summer did or didn’t change for you. And if you decide not to get back together, talk about things like hooking up with other people, seeing each other out at parties, etc. Even if you don’t end up getting back together, having complete transparency in regards to what you want and expect out of each other will eliminate a lot of problems later down the road.

5. Don’t Stress!

Not all relationships survive the summer, and if yours didn’t, that might just be an indicator that it wasn’t a very strong one to begin with—or, more likely, that he or she isn’t worth it!

Ahluwalia says it’s important to be open to the possibility that your guy or girl might not be on the same page as you are. “It is about respecting yourself as well as him enough to truly listen to each other’s feelings and expectations, and thereby determining whether expectations are sufficiently aligned to continue investing in the relationship,” she says.

Stress is one of the worst things to start a new year off with, so if you and your guy or girl didn’t get back together after summer, try not to let it ruin the excitement of being back at school. No matter your situation, the start of a new school year means 10,000 other new and exciting things happening and appearing for you to focus on, so embrace them!

Speaking of starting new—a fresh school year also means new guys! So if your summer break turned out to be more permanent than you thought, that just means it’s time to get started on scoping out (and making the first move with) all of the new guys on campus!

So, you’re single. Maybe you’ve just broken up with your high school boyfriend or you’ve been unattached for a while now. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with riding solo. On the contrary, being single your freshman year is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Don’t believe us? Here are some reasons that will change your mind:

1. You’re in good company.

Despite what you may think, “single” is not synonymous with “lonely.” Tons of young women enter college single, and what better way to bond with these lovely ladies (and make new friends) than by telling funny stories about your respective exes? You can even make a game of it!

2. You can lust after your hot RA/Orientation Leader/upperclassman guy crush, guilt-free.

Connie Chan, a senior at Carnegie Mellon, entered college single after breaking up with her high school sweetheart. “Even though I missed my ex at times, it was refreshing to meet so many new guys and flirt without feeling guilty,” she says. “Looking back, I'm glad I was able to fully experience my first weeks of college without anything holding me back.”

Although you may not want to jump into dating a senior immediately when you start your freshman year, there’s nothing wrong with a little harmless flirtation with one of the older guys helping out at orientation activities. Checking out cute freshmen was probably the main reason he volunteered for the job in the first place...

3. You can bond with your floormates during marathons of Girl Code, interruption-free.

The worst part about watching a bunch of female comedians discuss their various boy struggles is having to take the time to answer every interrupting text from the very cause of your own boy problems. When you’re with your girl friends, you should be with them—not concentrating on some boy miles away who can’t relate to the delicate art of eyebrow waxing. That’s girl code.

4. You can throw yourself into clubs, intramural sports and Greek life.

Without a guy to take up all your time and distract you, you can really concentrate on the most fun aspects of college life. Adam LoDolce, a dating coach who offers free video dating advice at SexyConfidence.com, advocates for this, saying, “Freshman year is the time to be insanely social and meet as many new people as possible. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend then he/she will likely hold you back.” Besides exploring your personal interests, getting involved on campus is one of the quickest ways to make new friends... and meet new guys.  

5. The guys in college are way hotter (and less awkward) than they were in high school.

Chances are that you were there to witness your high school boyfriend’s awkward stage, but college is a blank slate. You may think your last boyfriend was the cream of the crop, but that’s only because you’ve been living on a small farm. (That’s just a metaphor, gals.)

6. You can actually focus on your studies.

As much as we love partying, higher education is what you enrolled in college for. When you’re not interrupting studying with constant texts and not blowing off reading for hour-long Skype sessions, you will have a much easier time getting your work done. As lame as it sounds, a big part of college is the actual learning part. You can get work done a lot faster and better when you’re not constantly distracted by a blinking phone screen.  

7. You can party, guilt-free!

Seriously, if you’re not going to flirt with one of the cute brothers at a frat party, there’s no point risking your precious outfit and shoes to possible beer spills. Nicole Echeverria, a junior at the University of Michigan, says that one of the biggest perks of being single your freshman year is that “you can meet, hang out with and flirt with any guy and not feel the least bit guilty.” Not only that, but it’s much easier to get into a frat party with a group of single girls instead of your boyfriend hanging on your arm.

8. Your guy pool is the largest it will be for the next four years.

When you’re a freshman, every guy is fair game. Since you probably don’t know many people yet, any guy could be the one, or, at least, the one right now. Freshman year is really the only time you get a free pass to ride the hot mess express, so you might as well make the most of it. LoDolce adds, “Although you may not want to ‘sleep around,’ a few hook-ups may let you have a little fun while you focus on your school work.” You’ll be a disillusioned SWUG before you know it, so why not play the field when the field is at its largest?  

9. You can take over your common room to learn the “Single Ladies” dance.

Move the chairs, hook up your computer to the giant TV screen and press play. There’s no doubt this classic Beyonce tune will become the personal anthem that powers you through freshman year—especially after you and two of your friends learn the dance. Who cares if he didn’t put a ring on it? Sasha Fierce doesn’t.

10. You get to avoid the cliche that is “The Turkey Dump” and the resulting fallout.

You’ve probably heard of “The Turkey Dump,” aka when high school couples break up during Thanksgiving break. If you start out college single, you get to avoid that whole awkward and emotional experience. “It is very likely your high school relationship will end anyway, so break it off before you miss your entire freshman year experience,” says LoDolce.

11. You’ll have better stories.

When you’re 85 years old and telling stories about your good ole college days to your grandkids, they probably won’t want to hear about your hour-long Skype sessions with what’s-his-name. Avalon Jones, a recent graduate of George Mason University, says, “My only regret in life is starting my freshman year in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend still back at home. I completely missed out on my entire fall semester. I didn't go to parties or meet very many friends. Finally, during winter break, I chose to end the relationship and had an amazing spring semester in return.” Without a boyfriend holding you back, you’re free to have lots of wild fun in college!

12. You can learn more about yourself.

College is all about discovering who you are, and sometimes the only way you can do that is through being alone. “I met my boyfriend at the beginning of freshman year, but we didn't get together until the end of sophomore year,” says Katherine Mirani, a senior at Northwestern University. “It took so long because we both had a lot of growing and changing to do before we were ready to be in a relationship.”

For most young women, college is the first time you get to be fully independent, but you can’t really do that if your high school self still lives in a relationship. While being somebody’s girlfriend is great, being yourself is better.

Clearly, your single status isn’t a death sentence—it’s a new lease on life! When it comes to making new friends, embracing new opportunities and meeting new guys, you’ll be ready to do it all with your single girl swagger.

Your SO just finished up with his teaching degree; You’ve got another year left at your university. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, one of you is gone while the other is still going for that higher education.

So what should you do? Break up? Try for an LDR? Simply ride out the tide and see what happens? There are lots of things to consider. Our experts weigh in on how to handle this tricky sitch.

Break up or stay together? Here’s how to decide

Consider the challenge

If you do decide that, hey, your SO is worth it, don’t go in with a completely happy-go-lucky attitude. Optimism is recommended, but keep in mind that it’s going to take some serious work to make this last.

“Continuing a relationship when one person is still in school and the other has graduated can be a tremendous challenge,” says Abiola Abrams, author and publisher of the women’s empowerment blog Sacred Bombshell. “Although you are not separated that much by age, you are really living in two worlds. When your issues include whether the caf serves enough gluten-free offerings and your partner is concerned with real-world survival issues like paying bills, there can be a chasm in your relationship.”

Suzanne Oshima, dating coach at Single in Stilettos, echoes these sentiments. Priorities will differ, and this could create a gap, however big or small.

“When one person has graduated from college and the other is still in school, it may be difficult to maintain the relationship, as they are going to be at different stages in their lives and their priorities will be completely different,” she says. “The person who graduated from college is going to be taking a big step in his or her life.  This is the time where he or she is going to be making some very adult decisions on his or her own. The person who is still in college will have completely different priorities, depending on what year she or he is in school.”

You’re off in New York trying to make it in the magazine biz and he’s just trying to pass his chem final. That can create a bit of an awkward gap in the relationship, and it’s important to recognize this upfront. You’re at different points in your life, and therefore, different maturity levels. This is something that needs to be understood and taken into consideration. If you think your connection with your SO is tough enough to survive this, great! It’s worth a shot. If you’re looking for an easy-peasy love affair, it’s probably best to let this dude go.

Be honest with each other

Again, continue to reflect on this. Does your SO want to continue what you have going? Do you? Keep thinking before you decide to have a serious talk with him or her, and be sure to write down your thoughts and feelings! It’s important to sort out all of your reflections beforehand. And then, be honest — with yourself first, and then with your SO.

“First, you should both be honest with each other about who you are and where you are in life,” Abrams says. “Don’t just cling to the relationship because it’s the safe choice. Open and honest communication is key to helping the relationship survive.”

Dating coach and speaker Sandra Fidelis agrees that having a free-flowing conversation is essential.

“It’s important to have an open and honest discussion regarding the direction in which the relationship is headed and about what each partner expects going forward,” she says.

Before the big change happens, meet with your SO face-to-face in a quiet environment. As Abrams suggests, don’t hang on just because you feel like you need someone; If you know you’re only hanging on because of this, voice it. And if you really and truly do want to keep your SO? Tell him or her and encourage total communication on his or her end: “Hey, Trevor, I love you and I want this to last. What are your thoughts on this relationship? Are you at all concerned about the distance? Please be entirely open with me.”

Staying together? Here’s what to do

Cut out relationship time                                     

Hooray, you decided to go for it! Next step: cutting out specific time for this guy (and he for you).

“Be sure to create dedicated ‘together time,’” Abrams says. “Learning something new together will help keep you bonded. If you are separated by distance, schedule your phone calls so that you’re not intruding on each other.”

Try a phone call a day, or (of course) Skyping every other day. Work out times that are good for the both of you—a time when he’s not stressed by his new big-boy job and you’re not frantically studying for that Spanish vocab quiz. Whenever the both of you have some downtime, communicate! Technology is totally awesome and key for LDRs.

Find a shared interest

As stated by our experts, your priorities will begin to differ from his, or vice versa. This is why it’s so important to find something in common.

“Since the school experience will no longer be shared, it’s a good idea to find a common interest, a hobby or an activity that both partners enjoy,” Fidelis says. “This new activity can serve as common ground just as the shared school experience had done before.”

If neither of you know how to play chess, make a pact to learn and play over Skype. If you’re not much into throwing tiny knights off platforms, read books, flip through magazines and skim articles and YouTube vids together — Skype allows for those type of things! You could also start a blog together. It could document both of your diverse lives and the challenges (plus rewards) of staying together while apart. So aww-worthy.

Have actual dates

Who says date nights are dead once the change strikes?

“Date nights are a great way for the couple to regularly connect and maintain the bond as strong as it was when they shared their school experience,” Fidelis says.

Whether you’re across the country or a couple of cities away, make clear-cut visit time. You or your SO could be traveling a half hour by car or three hours by plane, but if this relationship is important to you and your SO, both of you will (literally) go the distance for the other.

And for those nights when you simply can’t be together? Skype, Skype, Skype—we can’t reiterate it enough. Watch a movie together. You can start a Netflix film at the same time, or you can try using Rabbit, a great site for watching videos with someone who’s not in the same room. Eat dinner together! Wear something sexy (your favorite little black dress?), set up candles and cook something awesome. Have him do the same (sans the little black dress—a nice shirt will do). It may not feel exactly the same as being together in person, but hey—LDRs are about a thousand times easier than they were 20 years ago. Keep that in mind. You can do it!

LDRs are never easy, especially when the both of you are at completely different stages of life. But if you both see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s worth sticking it out. After all, college is only temporary!

Your SO just finished up with his teaching degree; You’ve got another year left at your university. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, one of you is gone while the other is still going for that higher education.

So what should you do? Break up? Try for an LDR? Simply ride out the tide and see what happens? There are lots of things to consider. Our experts weigh in on how to handle this tricky sitch.

Break up or stay together? Here’s how to decide

Consider the challenge

If you do decide that, hey, your SO is worth it, don’t go in with a completely happy-go-lucky attitude. Optimism is recommended, but keep in mind that it’s going to take some serious work to make this last.

“Continuing a relationship when one person is still in school and the other has graduated can be a tremendous challenge,” says Abiola Abrams, author and publisher of the women’s empowerment blog Sacred Bombshell. “Although you are not separated that much by age, you are really living in two worlds. When your issues include whether the caf serves enough gluten-free offerings and your partner is concerned with real-world survival issues like paying bills, there can be a chasm in your relationship.”

Suzanne Oshima, dating coach at Single in Stilettos, echoes these sentiments. Priorities will differ, and this could create a gap, however big or small.

“When one person has graduated from college and the other is still in school, it may be difficult to maintain the relationship, as they are going to be at different stages in their lives and their priorities will be completely different,” she says. “The person who graduated from college is going to be taking a big step in his or her life.  This is the time where he or she is going to be making some very adult decisions on his or her own. The person who is still in college will have completely different priorities, depending on what year she or he is in school.”

You’re off in New York trying to make it in the magazine biz and he’s just trying to pass his chem final. That can create a bit of an awkward gap in the relationship, and it’s important to recognize this upfront. You’re at different points in your life, and therefore, different maturity levels. This is something that needs to be understood and taken into consideration. If you think your connection with your SO is tough enough to survive this, great! It’s worth a shot. If you’re looking for an easy-peasy love affair, it’s probably best to let this dude go.

Be honest with each other

Again, continue to reflect on this. Does your SO want to continue what you have going? Do you? Keep thinking before you decide to have a serious talk with him or her, and be sure to write down your thoughts and feelings! It’s important to sort out all of your reflections beforehand. And then, be honest — with yourself first, and then with your SO.

“First, you should both be honest with each other about who you are and where you are in life,” Abrams says. “Don’t just cling to the relationship because it’s the safe choice. Open and honest communication is key to helping the relationship survive.”

Dating coach and speaker Sandra Fidelis agrees that having a free-flowing conversation is essential.

“It’s important to have an open and honest discussion regarding the direction in which the relationship is headed and about what each partner expects going forward,” she says.

Before the big change happens, meet with your SO face-to-face in a quiet environment. As Abrams suggests, don’t hang on just because you feel like you need someone; If you know you’re only hanging on because of this, voice it. And if you really and truly do want to keep your SO? Tell him or her and encourage total communication on his or her end: “Hey, Trevor, I love you and I want this to last. What are your thoughts on this relationship? Are you at all concerned about the distance? Please be entirely open with me.”

Staying together? Here’s what to do

Cut out relationship time                                     

Hooray, you decided to go for it! Next step: cutting out specific time for this guy (and he for you).

“Be sure to create dedicated ‘together time,’” Abrams says. “Learning something new together will help keep you bonded. If you are separated by distance, schedule your phone calls so that you’re not intruding on each other.”

Try a phone call a day, or (of course) Skyping every other day. Work out times that are good for the both of you—a time when he’s not stressed by his new big-boy job and you’re not frantically studying for that Spanish vocab quiz. Whenever the both of you have some downtime, communicate! Technology is totally awesome and key for LDRs.

Find a shared interest

As stated by our experts, your priorities will begin to differ from his, or vice versa. This is why it’s so important to find something in common.

“Since the school experience will no longer be shared, it’s a good idea to find a common interest, a hobby or an activity that both partners enjoy,” Fidelis says. “This new activity can serve as common ground just as the shared school experience had done before.”

If neither of you know how to play chess, make a pact to learn and play over Skype. If you’re not much into throwing tiny knights off platforms, read books, flip through magazines and skim articles and YouTube vids together — Skype allows for those type of things! You could also start a blog together. It could document both of your diverse lives and the challenges (plus rewards) of staying together while apart. So aww-worthy.

Have actual dates

Who says date nights are dead once the change strikes?

“Date nights are a great way for the couple to regularly connect and maintain the bond as strong as it was when they shared their school experience,” Fidelis says.

Whether you’re across the country or a couple of cities away, make clear-cut visit time. You or your SO could be traveling a half hour by car or three hours by plane, but if this relationship is important to you and your SO, both of you will (literally) go the distance for the other.

And for those nights when you simply can’t be together? Skype, Skype, Skype—we can’t reiterate it enough. Watch a movie together. You can start a Netflix film at the same time, or you can try using Rabbit, a great site for watching videos with someone who’s not in the same room. Eat dinner together! Wear something sexy (your favorite little black dress?), set up candles and cook something awesome. Have him do the same (sans the little black dress—a nice shirt will do). It may not feel exactly the same as being together in person, but hey—LDRs are about a thousand times easier than they were 20 years ago. Keep that in mind. You can do it!

LDRs are never easy, especially when the both of you are at completely different stages of life. But if you both see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s worth sticking it out. After all, college is only temporary!

So you met a total babe at a party. He’s got a cheeky grin, killer abs and the type of charm Chris Pratt possesses. Best of all? He’s been totally into you ever since you met at a recent frat party: You’ve gotten a fabulous “good morning” text, a bunch of adorable compliments and a few inquiries about the next hangout (makeout?) sesh. But did he just like your kissing skills, or does he want something more? Here’s how to tell he’s a keeper during the party and afterward.

At the party

He wants to know more about you

If he’s totally into himself (i.e., he’s playing beer pong with his frat bros and ignoring you), this dude may not be Mr. Right.

On the other hand, if he does display a real interest in hearing what you’re about, such as asking about your major, extracurriculars and other interests, this guy may be into you. After all, don’t you want to know all about a potential love interest?

He understands if you don’t want to sleep with him

Jerk alert: He pressures you to have sex with him. If you’re not ready, say “no” and hightail it out of there.

“I think the difference between a nice guy and a one-night stand is the nice guy will understand when you don't want to spend the night with him,” says Rachel*, a student at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. “The one-night stand will say something like, ‘Aw c'mon, you know you wanna...’”

But if he’s completely understanding of your hesitation (and there’s absolutely no shame there, collegiettes), congrats! You’ve met someone with the type of qualities every guy should possess.

He makes sure you get home okay

The festivities died down, his frat bros are already sleeping on the living room floor with permanent marker drawn all over their faces and the place reeks of vodka and sweat. This is the moment that can clue you in that he’s a keeper: He offers to walk you home or ensures that you get home okay.

According to Jen*, a junior at the University of California, Los Angeles, this means he’s a nice guy. She met one of her boyfriends at a party and she knew he wasn’t looking for a one-night stand when he made sure she got home okay. It’s a strong indicator of a good guy who cares — especially because it’s never safe for a woman to walk home alone in the middle of the night!

Immediately after the party

He’s interested in going on a real date

If he’s not all, “Come back over to my house, baby [winky-face],” you may be on to something.

“[He may be nice if] he actually calls you the next day or shortly thereafter and invites you to go out on something that resembles a real date, like a movie,” says dating coach and speaker Sandra Fidelis.

He wants to take you out for brunch at your town diner. He asks you to see that latest rom-com with Daniel Radcliffe being all adorable (we’re already swooning). He wants to go for a walk around campus together. While he may just be trying to charm your pants off, he could actually be in it for the long haul.

Definitely give the date a go and try to catch his vibe. Is he laying on the charm so thick you know it’s fake? You can tell he’s a phony if he laughs way too loud, touches you a little too often and compliments you excessively. Or does he come off as genuine? He’s probably sincere if he listens to what you’re saying, asks follow-up questions and isn’t afraid to be a gentleman. If the latter is the case, he’s worth a second date.

He wants to meet your friends (and he wants you to meet his, too)

You’ve gone on that first date and he seemed like a good guy (so far). Now, he says he wants to meet the people you’re close with, and he wants to introduce you to his posse as well.

“[He may be nice if] he’s interested in meeting and hanging out with you and your friends and invites you to hang out with his as well,” Fidelis says.

It’s totally worth bringing your girls to meet him because they can give you their insights on this dude, too. Your friends have a way of knowing whether the guy you’re into is a bad egg or a catch.

And don’t be afraid to meet his friends, too! If he hangs around guys who seem kind of tool-ish, you’ve got reason to question him. But if he’s got some cool bros, then hey, things are looking up!

He offers to help you out when you need it

The dates have been stellar, your girl friends think he’s fantastic, his friends were nice and now you’re really falling for this frat boy. Bonus if he offers to help you in a time of need.

“[He may be nice if] he offers to help you with something, [like] getting your oil changed or helping you study for a subject he really likes,” Fidelis says. “If he’s really interested, he’ll want to show you that your connection goes beyond the frat house.”

Your car broke down a couple miles off of campus and you feel pretty screwed — until he offers to come rescue you (aww). You’re seriously struggling with your environmental science homework, so he suggests a study sesh in the library because he passed the class last semester. You need help carrying something heavy up to your dorm room, and he’s there waiting with strong arms. Another thumbs up — looks like this guy is doing everything to prove to you that you’re worth it to him.

It’s never easy to find a great guy in a world full of college boys who are just looking to get laid. As difficult as they are to find, though, good college guys do exist — and if you’ve experienced these things with your latest cutie, chances are you’ve got a real keeper on your hands.

*Names have been changed.

You’ve researched countless destinations and programs, discussed the pros and cons, gotten parental and adviser approval and are finally all set to study abroad––woo-hoo! The only question left now is what you’ll do about that boyfriend who won’t exactly fit in your suitcase. We’ve got you covered with tips on how to decide whether or not you want to keep things going with your guy, as well as advice on how to make it work when you spend time abroad if you do decide to stay together.

Before You Go

Have the DTR talk early

Once you have your study abroad plans set, settle on a time to sit down with your boyfriend and talk about whether or not the two of you want to make a long distance-relationship work. Megan*, a senior from the College of William & Mary, recently spent a semester in Paris away from her boyfriend. “With the date of my study abroad departure looming, [my boyfriend and I] were both a little afraid to bring up the conversation of the future,” she says.

Fear aside, waiting until your last night together to figure out what the two of you will do when you’re abroad? Probably not the smartest move.

“We started talking about it as soon as we both realized we were both going to go abroad to different places,” says Brooke, a rising senior from Northeastern University who is getting ready to study abroad in Spain. “This was maybe five to six months before going abroad. It's important not to wait too long because it will just make things more difficult.”

Cover all the bases

Not sure what to talk about? Dr. D Ivan Young, a relationship coach, provides several suggestions for collegiettes getting ready to leave their boyfriends and study abroad. “You definitely need to have a discussion about ground rules,” he says. “Otherwise, don’t be surprised when someone does something that surprises you.” Bring up various changes and expectations you have concerning study abroad, and how you feel those will affect your relationship.

Discuss what’s going well that would make maintaining a relationship abroad worth the extra effort, as well as what could be challenging or worrisome during your time away from campus. If you’re already on solid ground, this may be an easy conversation.

“We both pretty much assumed we would be staying together and then we briefly talked about it to make sure we were on the same page,” Brooke explains. “The only factor we really weighed was whether or not we saw ourselves together after we went abroad. The answer for both of us was yes.”

How much or how little you’re willing to keep in touch with each other could make the decision on whether or not you want to stay together (or stay exclusive) easier as well. “You also have to be thinking about what you want from your trip, regardless of what you want from your relationship,” says Elizabeth, a recent graduate of the College of William & Mary who has left boyfriends back home during several trips abroad. “If you plan to immerse yourself in this new place and be constantly on the move, it might not be fair to ask someone to stay in a relationship with you, unless you really are going to commit to writing/emailing/texting/Skyping on a regular basis.”

Regardless of how easy or difficult the conversation will be, it’s an important one to have. Be open and honest to make sure the final decision you and your boyfriend reach is one that’s truly right for you and your relationship. Be sure the decision reflects what’s realistic for the both of you; being honest from the start could pay off majorly in the end.

“Of all my friends or the couples I know who went through a semester abroad this past spring, we were the only ones that made it to the end, and I think it had a lot to do with that understanding from the beginning,” Megan says.

Be clear: are you broken up, on a break or in a committed relationship?

As dedicated as you are to your boyfriend, a semester or year abroad is a long time (and let’s face it––those foreign guys and their accents are just so adorable). Circumstances change, making a break from the relationship appealing for some couples. “I was going away for a year, and we didn't want to hold each other back from experiencing anything––myself in Europe, him in college,” says Jill*, a junior at Skidmore College who recently studied abroad in Paris and decided to take the time away from her boyfriend to reassess their relationship.

If cracks are starting to show when discussing your expectations or you’re having a hard time agreeing on relationship terms, a break might be best. It's not wise to commit to a full-blown long-distance relationship unless you feel you're already a strong couple and you're willing to devote considerable time and attention to keeping up that communication.

“I broke up with someone before spending an entire semester abroad because I wasn't willing to do the work to maintain that relationship for such an extended period of time,” Elizabeth says. “Interestingly, that moment before I left ended up being the perfect time to really do an evaluation of the relationship–I realized I wasn't getting what I wanted anyway, and it became an opportunity to make a clean break.”

That being said, a relationship abroad can definitely work out for the better as well despite the distance. “After a few weeks, it was clear to both of us that we didn't want to be with other people, but giving ourselves space to figure that out was probably why it worked,” Jill says. Be sure to discuss your expectations for your relationship – whether you can see other people or not, the reasons for making whatever decision you come to, how open you’ll be with one another while abroad, how often you’ll communicate and with what means – and make sure you come to an agreement to make the most of your long-distance time together.

While You’re Abroad

Stay accountable to the ground rules you decide on

Be sure both of you know why you’re together and what the expectations associated with staying together are. The two of you should be committed to staying together for similar reasons, and should both be comfortable with the justifications for your decision. If one of you really wants to try and make it work while the other one isn’t too into it, problems might not be too far down the road.

“We're willing to go through a period of separation in the interest of our ‘end goal,’” says Alicia, a senior at Penn State who’s studying abroad in Spain. “We're willing to be apart for a while so we can be together in the long run… We trust each other, are honest and are willing to deal with a little distance so that eventually we can be together again afterwards.”

Trust is key in making a long-distance overseas relationship work. Dr. Young says that with young adults in particular, it’s hard to go for more than six weeks without being tempted to cheat. To avoid tears and heartbreak down the road, be absolutely 100 percent sure the both of you fully trust one another to ensure your relationship remains strong.

“Naturally there's a part of me that's scared he's going to find a tall, blonde beer wench with pigtail braids, but that's the part of me I work hard to ignore because I know I can trust him,” says Alicia. “If I didn't trust him so much, there's no way I'd be comfortable being abroad in separate places.”

Strike a balance between exploring and keeping in touch

As important as trust is when it comes to making a relationship work despite distance, it’s also important that both of you allow time to explore your new home away from home and experience new things.

“Since we'll both be abroad in different places, we realize the importance of making new friends for each of us,” says Brooke. “Additionally, we realize going abroad is pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and we both want to enjoy it to the fullest extent.”

Regardless of your relationship status, don’t spend all your time keeping in contact with your BF. “The number one thing to avoid: Skyping him 24/7!” says Jill. “One girl on my program barely left her homestay because she would Skype her boyfriend every night, and when they broke up near the end of the semester, she was really upset that she hadn't spent more time experiencing the city and getting to know people.”

Deciding how much you’ll communicate with one another (whether it’s Skype, email, or whatever else you can think of using!) will have to be a decision the two of you make based on how much you’re used to talking and how much time both of your schedules will allow. This is especially true if you have to factor in a significant time difference. Moral of the story? If you’ve decided to make a relationship work in some shape or form, agree on a couple shared goals for how much the two of you stay in touch with each other. However, “be sure to send little reminders you exist so it won’t be out of sight, out of mind,” says Dr. Young.

Consider visiting each other

For collegiettes absolutely determined to make a relationship work, Dr. Young encourages couples to do everything possible to make at least one in-person visit while abroad. He describes the experience of sharing your time abroad with a BF as a “very romantic adventure” that can help develop a “sense of excitement” in the relationship through experiencing new sights, sounds and activities together as a couple.

When You Come Back Home

Recognize that studying abroad changes you

Studying abroad is a life-changing experience that will no doubt affect you and your relationship in ways you won’t be able to predict before you depart. “Don’t expect [the person abroad] to come back the same, because they won’t be,” Dr. Young says. “For most people, enlightenment as a result of studying abroad changes them. You’re coming back with new appreciations in play.”

Jill suggests reuniting with your boyfriend (or ex, depending on what happened during time abroad) regardless of where your relationship stands. “It might be good to decide that you'll meet up once you're home again no matter what--whether you've stayed close or drifted apart,” she says. “That way, even if it seems like things are headed south, you have a chance to remind yourselves what was so worth waiting for in the first place and then decide if you still want to work at it.”

Once you touch down back home, have another honest conversation with your partner and reassess where your relationship stands and what you mean to one another. Be open to the fact that both of you may have changed after being abroad.

Obviously there’s no easy answer on how to navigate relationships when you are abroad. Be genuine, sincere and caring, and you’ll no doubt reach a smart, (hopefully) satisfactory decision about what to do about your relationship that will allow for an amazing adventure abroad, regardless of what you and your boyfriend decide!

*Names have been changed.

It’s the weekend, you’re at a party, the cute guy from across the room catches your eye and before you know it, you two are engrossed in a flirtatious conversation full of eyelash-batting and hair-twirling. At this point in our college careers, flirting should almost be second nature to us, yet we STILL get totally nervous whenever the cute guy invites us out onto the dance floor.

Chances are if you’ve ever flirted with a cutie from a party (which you totally have, don’t lie) you’ve probably had at least one of these embarrassing thoughts!

1. Wow, that guy’s really cute. Is he looking at me? I can’t tell if he’s looking at me. Oh no, he caught me staring. How long was I staring at him? Act casual. ACT. CASUAL.

2. Oh my God, he’s coming this way. Is he coming towards me? What am I going to say? I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER MY OWN NAME RIGHT NOW!

3. Oh, he said something kind of funny. I should laugh. Am I laughing too much? Does my laugh sound cute, or do I sound like a dying hyena?

4. He asked if he could buy me a drink. Do I stick with my signature vodka-cran, or do I ask for a beer to look tough?

5. Why does he keep staring at my mouth? Is he going to kiss me, or do I just have something stuck in my teeth?

6. Wait… am I wearing cute underwear right now? Yes, I definitely am. Good. WAIT, did I shave my legs last night?! No, I definitely did not. Not good.

7. Did I really just say that? Why am I acting like this is the first time I’ve ever interacted with a member of the opposite sex?

8. Maybe I should throw in a sexy wink or something… nope. That was terrible. That was a terrible idea. He probably just thinks I have some sort of weird twitch now. Great.

9. I literally can’t stop playing with my hair. What is wrong with me?

10. Oh no… awkward silence. Say something to keep the conversation going. Anything. Don’t just stand there! SAY. SOMETHING.

11. He just touched my arm. He totally wants me.

12. Can we just make out already?!

13. Ahh, all of my friends are leaving! Do I leave with them or keep talking to this cute guy? Who am I kidding – I’m definitely staying.

14.  He wants to dance? How’s he going to feel when he realizes that my dance moves are less “Beyoncé at the VMAs” and more “Taylor Swift dancing in the audience at the VMAs”?

15. YES, he asked for my number! Success!

So maybe we have no idea what we’re doing, but that won’t stop us from flirting with every hottie who comes our way! For now we’ll just pray that we can Taylor-Swift-dance our way through any flirtatious situation – vodka-cran in hand, of course. 

You’re a few weeks into your freshman year of college and a certain campus cutie has caught your eye in class. But you’ve never had a college relationship, and you know it’s so different than high school. There isn’t a Sadie Hawkins dance for you to make your move, and you don’t spend a full school day in the same building with him five days a week. So, how do you start a relationship in college? How do couples make it work? What should you expect? Read on to learn how college relationships are different than high school ones.

You’ll have more to learn about each other

College is different than high school in that the people you meet won’t know a lot about your past. You probably haven’t met your new boyfriend’s parents yet and you have no idea who his friends are from home. “It was really hard for me to accept that my boyfriend had ‘another life’ at home,” says Emily from Indiana University. “I wanted to be a part of it, and eventually I was, but it was a struggle at first to hear about all these people and things I had no idea about.”

You can have sleepovers together

For most girls in high school, it probably would have been impossible to have a sleepover with her boyfriend. Now that you’re in college, you can have a sleepover with your guy as many nights as you want! There aren’t any parents around to say no and no one is checking in on you at night. “My boyfriend and I have sleepovers a few times a week,” says Jill from University of Denver. “It’s not a big deal in college, and I love being able to see him at the end of my day.”

You might have roommate tension

No matter how much your roommate likes your boyfriend, she probably doesn’t like him as much as you do (let’s hope!). The fact is, she might get annoyed if he’s over every day and night, and that’s something you have to consider. In high school, there was no one else around when your boyfriend came over. Now, remember to check with your roommate before you have your boyfriend over for an extended period of time.

You’ll have to prioritize

Like in high school, you’ll have to find a balance of spending time with your boyfriend, your friends, in outside activities, and on your schoolwork. Your friends will want to spend time with you just as much as your boyfriend does so you’ll have to find the time. School will be a demand, too – college is all about balance.

You’ll have more freedom

You make your own schedule in college, and choosing how to spend your time is completely up to you. If you want to ditch a class to spend time with your boyfriend, you probably won’t have to answer to anyone about it. If you decide to stay in one night and cuddle with your guy, that’s okay. College is all about freedom – you can spend as little or as much time with your man. “My mom used to nag me whenever I would spend a few consecutive days in a row with my high school boyfriend,” says Katrina from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. “It was so annoying. Now I can do whatever I want – no one is monitoring my time!”

You might have to do your relationship long-distance

Most likely, your new boyfriend isn’t from your hometown so during school breaks and summers you’ll have to be long-distance. The two most challenging periods will be winter and summer breaks since they’re the longest. “I hate the time apart from my boyfriend during breaks,” says Rachel from the University of Missouri. “We always plan trips to see each other at least once to make the time apart more manageable.”

You’ll have to compromise

In high school, you probably had to take turns paying for dates or switch off visiting each other’s houses. And it’s the same in college – all relationships take compromise. “Me and my boyfriend try to take turns hanging out with each other’s friends since we don’t have the same friend group at school,” says Liz from the University of Missouri. “It takes some getting used to but it’s good to be there for each other.”

In order to maximize your college relationship experience, here are a few tips and tricks:

• Be open to new experiences: there are plenty of chances to try new things and put yourself out there in college. It’ll be a great way to meet guys or bond with your new boyfriend.
• Keep reminders of the past: have photos handy and memories to share with your new boyfriend so he can feel connected to who you were before college
• Stay grounded: don’t let your new relationship rule your college experience. Try to make new friends and get your GPA up as high as possible.
• Keep separate identities: There are plenty of chances in college for the two of you to spend time alone, but don’t always take them. Hang out with friends and do things separately – you’ll be closer for it in the end!
• Make your own memories together: Do fun things that you can only do in college like tailgate all day before a huge home football game, spend an entire night together studying in the library, or play hooky from class (as long as they don’t take attendance and you can get the notes from someone later!) so that you can sleep in.

Every relationship you’ll ever have will be different than the one you had before it, regardless of whether it was in high school or in college. What you have to remember is that despite the differences, there are a few things that are important in every relationship, like trust, commitment, honesty, and compatibility. Find someone in college who shares your same values, and you won’t ever have to make a big change from high school to college. Grow and learn together – but most of all, remember to have fun, collegiettes!

*Some names have been changed.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

So, there's this guy whom I was really good friends with first semester last year. However, I also had a crazy-big crush on him, and he always knew. He never really pursued it, though. I mean, we flirted all the time, but nothing ever happened. So after my friend told him I liked him and he said he didn't feel the same, I moved on. We stayed good friends, and that's it.

I recently announced that I am transferring schools next year, and all of a sudden he has been acting weird. Then, the other night, he was drunk and texted me, "I wish I f***ed you." I replied that he had no right to say that, of course, and he said it was his biggest regret that he didn't. Can you please explain to me what is going on with him? Like, what does this sudden interest in me mean? – Baffled at BU

Well, Baffled, someone’s obviously got a way with words.

You were absolutely right to tell him that he had no right to say what he said, regardless of his level of coherence. Whether he was drunk or not, there are boundaries, and those limits deserve to be respected.

Regardless, you’re looking for the “why,” and I think I can help. It’s simple enough: He’s trying to play you. Even if nothing actually happened between the two of you, he knew you were interested. To be fair, that happens sometimes. Someone likes another person, the other person finds out and does nothing because he or she doesn’t really want to be with that other person, but just knowing that someone’s interested in you is a good feeling. So since he knows of your previous interest, I’m pretty sure he was just trying to cash in on your emotions so he could “get some” before you moved. More or less — and I hate to sum it up like this — he probably thought you were an easy target. He may have assumed you were desperate, even though it’s him who looks like the desperate one now.

I seriously doubt he just realized that he’s had feelings for you all along. Life isn’t a romantic comedy, and the best friends with misplaced feelings don’t always end up together. He saw the situation and was trying to take advantage of it… after all, what’s the harm? You’re moving, so it isn’t like there would be any real repercussions, right?

Even if he did have real feelings for you, he wouldn’t have phrased it in such a brash way. “I wish I f***ed you”? Really? That’s his line? Eesh, talk about creepy.

You can do better, and when you do eventually transfer, I for one hope you find a guy who treats you with more respect than this particular “friend.”

Studying abroad is a great way to meet new people, but that doesn’t keep you from missing your SO any less. It may be a challenge to maintain normal contact every day from across the globe, but studying abroad doesn’t have to take a toll on your relationship. You don’t have to spend your trip feeling bummed out that your significant other isn’t with you; There are a ton of fun, free apps that can help you stay connected! Download these apps to stay in touch while traveling abroad.

1. Whatt

Available for: Apple devices

How it works:

This app offers a new way to update the people in your life on your daily adventures abroad. Whatt is specifically designed for creating status updates to let others know where you are and what you’re up to. This way, you can leave an update so people can see what you’re doing and whether or not you’re available to talk.

If you’re headed out to a no-Wi-Fi zone, you can update your status so that your boyfriend or girlfriend will know whether or not he or she can reach you. There’s nothing worse than getting annoyed waiting for a response and then finding out there wasn’t any service or Wi-Fi for your SO reply! All you have to do is update your Whatt status, and you won’t have to worry about your partner trying to message you when you can’t connect.

2. Viber

Available for: Apple and Android devices, Windows Phone, Blackberry, Nokia phones

How it works:

Texting may be one of the easiest ways to chat, but you’ll still miss out on talking to your loved one on the phone. Viber is a great way to keep your relationship intact without the hassle of adding international minutes to your phone. With Viber, you can make unlimited calls to anyone with a Viber ID free of charge.

“It’s awesome because we could make calls to one another over Wi-Fi for free,” says Maddie Schmitz, a senior at Boston College who used Viber to talk to her boyfriend while studying abroad. “Texting is nice, but hearing his voice made me feel much closer to him.”

3. Tango

Available for: Apple and Android devices, Blackberry, PCs

How it works:

Tango is a great app to download for video chatting using your smartphone or PC. All you have to do is connect to Wi-Fi or cellular data, and you can catch up with your partner face to face (or screen to screen). You can even use the app to play games and share songs via Spotify. Instead of getting charged internationally for using FaceTime, you can use this app to video chat for free!

It can be difficult to keep up with your relationship while traveling abroad, but any of these smartphone apps will improve your communication. Download any of these apps for free, and you won’t feel so far away after all. Safe travels!

You still have that sun-kissed glow from summer and you’re wearing that super fabulous new dress you just bought… but did anyone else notice? Trying to catch the attention of a cute guy as the fall semester starts up can be hard—there are so many men on campus and so many places to find them! How do you find a setting that’s more intimate than a loud frat house on a crazy Friday night? Luckily, there are a ton of unconventional places to meet guys as you get into the swing of things this autumn!

Instead of: Your Dorm Hall Common Room
Try: Your Dorm Kitchen

There’s a reason why the old saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” has survived! Guys (especially college guys) gravitate towards any plate of food, so why not make sure you’re the one holding it? Not only can the dorm kitchen help you avoid only meeting people (ahem, hot guys) from your hall, but it’ll also help you sharpen your cooking skills!

Tasha Wang, a junior at Wesleyan University, used the dorm kitchen to her advantage last year. A first she was only using her cooking as a way to eat better food, but she soon found that many of the people coming around the kitchen were guys—very cute guys at that! “One night, I made super delicious sugar cookies with homemade frosting,” she says. “The next thing I know, I’m surrounded by about 15 guys, all asking if they can grab a cookie or two!”

Using food as a segue, Tasha was able to strike up more genuine conversations with some of the guys in her dorm over the course of several weeks and months. “At first they asked about my cooking, if I could cook and bake more often, stuff like that,” she says. “But eventually those conversations led to more intense discussions about other stuff, like classes and friends and feelings about being in college.”

Tasha’s tip for collegiettes trying to use food to get to a man’s heart? “Try baking first!” Tasha says. “Though guys will eat anything from steak to salad to spoiled milk, making cookies or cupcakes is an easy way for guys to take notice. And who doesn’t have a sweet tooth of sorts?”

Once you get a guy who loves food interested, try getting his number so you can text him the next time you cook (or when the food’s ready!). Talking about food is also a great way to keep any conversation going: what’s this guy’s favorite meal? Favorite dessert? Favorite food of all time? He shouldn’t be surprised if the next time he stops by, you’re cooking something he suggested!

Instead of: On-Campus Events
Try: Off-Campus Events

Many college clubs have retreats, away games or field trips, so there’s no better place to meet a guy than when exploring a brand new place together in a smaller, more intimate group!

Laura*, a sophomore at the Wesleyan University, met her boyfriend during a freshmen pre-orientation trip. They went kayaking with a small group of students, and she was able to get to know him better.

“We started out as friends, but getting to know him a setting different from a college campus was a great experience,” she says. “It was fun racing him in our kayaks, walking around and talking in the wilderness and just sort of being away from the fast pace of normal life, especially since I knew starting college was going to be nuts.”

Laura feels like she got to know him better than she would at school. “Freshman year can be especially overwhelming,” she says. “Everyone’s running around all the time, not knowing where to go, and it’s easy to completely forget who everyone is. By taking time to know John on that personal level before getting to school, we were able to grow even more once we were there.”

Off-campus events are relatively easy to sign up for; many groups on campus have something going on, so keep your eyes peeled and ask around! If not, create an off-campus event yourself. Talk with administrators, professors and other students about your college’s regulations for putting on an off-campus event. Even if you don’t connect with a potential partner, it’ll still be a great way to bond with other students!

Instead of: Tailgates
Try: Conferences or Panels

Many schools host a variety of conferences or panels for students about everything from social justice to academic rights to vegan food on college campuses. The nice thing about these events is that the people who care about the issues the most attend them, and this includes extremely passionate guys!

Marley*, a junior at the University of Texas, was sick of trying to meet guys at random pregames and tailgates. “I’m not a huge fan of the drunken party scene, especially the one that surrounds sports school culture,” she says. “It is so hard to really talk to anyone at those things. Everyone is wasted, guys are belligerent and you really can’t have any sort of conversation with anyone after the alcohol starts flowing.”

A couple months into her sophomore year, Marley attended a conference about women’s rights and ended up sitting next to a gorgeous blonde boy. “We listened to a speaker discuss sexual assault on college campuses,” she says. “But during a break right after the session, this guy and I started having a pretty awesome discussion about what we could do help women feel more secure in how universities handle sexual assaults.”

Overall, she felt it was a great conversation to have. “I got to meet someone whom I could talk to—sober, no less—about things I really cared about,” she says. “It was a small, relaxed setting (only about 20 people were in our session), so I was able to get to know him better than I would have during more traditional college events.”

The nice thing about smaller conferences and panels is that it’s easy to find conversation starters. Is there a cutie catching your eye? Casually ask him what he thought of the speaker(s). If he really liked the presentation, ask him if he’s involved with that particular cause on campus or if he knows any other events like this one that you could attend (who knows? Maybe you two could go together!). If he didn’t like it, there’s still room for discussion. Why didn’t he like it? If this particular panel wasn’t his style, what kind of activities is he into? There’s a way to make the most out of any situation!

Instead of: The Library
Try: The Campus Bookstore

Campus bookstores don’t typically seem like the most romantic places to meet someone (unless you’re an English major), but they can work, especially at the beginning of the semester!

First, there are the actual books. See a cutie getting the same psychology textbook as you? Ask if he’s in your class and what he’s heard about the professor. Is he a psych major, or he just taking this class for fun? If it ends up that you are in fact taking the same course, you now have a super attractive buddy to sit next to during the upcoming lecture (always a plus!).

Long lines in the bookstore are also a huge part of the beginning of fall semester. Hundreds of students are trying to get those last minute textbooks (and random college T-shirts) to start off the school year right. This interminable line can definitely include some nice guys. Strike up a conversation with the people standing in front of you and behind you. You’re all going to be waiting a long time for the cash register, so you might as well have some fun and meet some new people (including that adorable dude carrying a book by your favorite author!).

Instead of: Interest Clubs
Try: Volunteer or Community Service Organizations

Although interest clubs are great, it’s always good to expand your horizons and flex your Good Samaritan muscle by joining a volunteer or community service organization. Not only do you get to do good for your community, but you also get to meet some great guys who are doing the same thing!

Tasha also met several guys while volunteering with an organization that tutors elementary school kids close to Wesleyan’s campus. “It was so great seeing these guys interact with these kids,” she says. “You get to see them in a different light. And what’s cuter than a guy who’s genuine and wants to make the world a better place?”

As with her experiences cooking in her dorm kitchen, Tasha found that the volunteer organization was a great conversation starter with all the guys she worked with. “It was a lot less intimidating than trying to talk to them at a party,” she says. “I didn’t have to yell to be heard, and I didn’t have to dress up and look pretty for them to notice me. Instead, I got to know these guys as people who care about the world around them, and that was so cool to me!”

Though Tasha is part of several interest clubs on campus, she says that her work with the tutoring program helped her forge much stronger connections with her fellow volunteers. “I’ve actually got my eye on a boy that I met while tutoring,” she says. “I think what sealed the deal for me was watching him interact with this third grader who couldn’t understand decimals—it was great seeing him be so caring!”

Overall, you can find college guys anywhere; it’s all about seizing the right opportunity and striking up a conversation. The smaller and more intimate the space, the easier meeting a guy will be. Branch out of your usual spots this fall—you never know what you’ll find!

*Names have been changed.

You’ve finally settled into your dorm, the dining hall has become significantly less intimidating, but suddenly, your college relationship is facing the dreaded “one month” hurdle. For long-distance couples, the first four weeks apart tend to be the “make it or break it” period. For hook-ups, that first month is the expiration date for the “casual” label. And for crushes, 28 days is just long enough for all that sexual tension to boil over. So whether you’ve been dumped by your long-distance beau or want to take your flirting to the next level, we’ve compiled a list of potential scenarios and talked to collegiettes and experts to help you through it!

Problem #1: Your long-distance relationship is having issues.

You promised one another that your love was stronger than the cost of a cross-country plane ticket. You agreed on daily Skype sessions and hourly texts and weekly phone calls. But four weeks is a long time and in the grand scheme of things, you’re barely out of the starting gate. You’re beginning to second guess your decision to remain in a long distance relationship. But how do you bring that up with your significant other?

“You have to approach the topic carefully,” says Frances from University of Rochester, who's been in a long distance relationship going on four years. “For me, we both wanted to stay together but we had very different ideas about what college and freshman year are all about. To be completely honest, I think entering freshman year in a long distance relationship is a mistake unless you truly believe you can grow on your own and branch out at school without feeling held back by your partner.”

If you feel the guidelines that you set before leaving for college aren’t working, you need to be honest with him. If you’re most comfortable writing out your thoughts, send your significant other an email laying out the issues you feel have arisen; conversely, if you work best face to face, set aside a Skype time when you’ll both be able to be alone in your respective dorms and talk openly.

Kelsey from West Virginia University has been dating her boyfriend since senior year of high school (despite the fact that he attends college in Florida), and she’s got a litany of long-distance tips. “A weekly time that you reserve for each other is really nice!” she says. Other suggestions include a “Netflix date” (sharing a Netflix account and watching a movie at the same time), and surprise care packages.

But Kelsey warns, “Also, you have to stay honest with each other while you're apart. Feelings can change, and they need to know if that happens. Long distance relationships are all about trust and if you don't have that it's not going to last very long.”

And if you do ultimately decide that you want to end things, wait until you’re able to meet face to face.“No one wants the rep of being that girl who dumped her guy via text, even though of course it's way more convenient - especially if you're out of town,” says Jen Kirsch, Relationship Expert on Cosmo TV's Love Trap. “Talk to him in person and be direct. Let him know that this is what will be best for you.”

While it may not feel like it at first, the forced distance between you and your ex is a blessing. You will never have to worry about running into him on the way to class, and you will never see him having a dance floor make-out sesh. But as we all know, physical proximity is just one piece of the relationship puzzle. Sever all your social media ties (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.), because there’s nothing more heart-wrenching than getting a notification that your ex is “now in a [new] relationship.”

Once you begin the healing process, the social scene at school may seem a bit daunting. “To move on mentally and socially, take part in activities on campus,” Kirsch suggests. “Go to networking events, join a club of like-minded people. Perhaps take up yoga or get a gym membership. These things will empower you and make you feel better about your present state.”

Problem #2: You and your hook-up buddy still need to define the relationship.

Maybe you met a party, in class, or at the inaugural meeting of the poetry club, but something clicked, and suddenly you’ve been smooching the same guy for four weeks. As amazing as it’s been, you realize that you’re looking for something more serious. Having the “what are we?” conversation can inspire fear even in the bravest of souls, but it’s a necessary talk.

“Unfortunately, I think hook-up culture results in people spending a lot of time pretending they’re the person in the relationship who cares less, which leads to people being dishonest with one another,” says Beth from Kenyon College. “At the end of the day, it’s important to be completely straightforward and forthcoming. Pretending that you don’t want something more serious will only lead to hurt feelings, and the truth will come out eventually anyway.”

Try asking him to meet you in a public place - if your current relationship is purely sexual and you’re looking for something more, meeting in a dorm room is probably not the best idea. Lay out how you feel.

If he’s unwilling to make a commitment, be honest with yourself. Can you stand to be in a relationship that, in all probability, doesn’t have much of a future? If the answer is no, then you need to make clean break. “We teach people how to treat us by what we're willing to put up with,” Kirsch says. “Don't accept something or settle in hopes that he'll change. If you express that you've developed feelings and he doesn't feel the same way, walk away with your pride held in tact and find someone who thinks you're worthy enough that they don't want to lose you.”

The rules are the same if you’re the one unwilling to up the serious level: be upfront about your desire to remain casual. “If you’re not looking for a serious commitment, it’s equally as important to be honest with them,” Beth says. “People often think what they want to think about what a relationship is, and it’s incumbent on you to be explicit about what you want.” Sometimes, it’s painful to end a relationship with someone you care about, but it’s not fair to either party if there’s a discrepancy in dedication. Know that what you’re doing is, in the long run, the best decision for both parties. He’ll be able to find someone who’s willing to commit, and you’ll be able to keep on keepin’ on.

Problem #3: Your crush has yet to make a move.

For the past month, you’ve been sitting next to each other in that Econ class, eyeing one another from across the dining hall, and casually working into conversations your total and complete single status. The level of sexual tension is almost unbearable. But before you start smooching, ask yourself seriously how you’ll feel the morning after. Or the Monday after, in class.

That being said, there’s nothing hotter than unrequited love becoming requited. If you’re interested in getting to know him better, “start incorporating your crush into your daily life,” suggests Kirsch. “Does he have Snapchat? iMessage? Facebook Chat? Keep him in the loop about what you're up to, how your day was, what a pain you think your teacher is, etc., by using these methods to help build a foundation for a friendship. The benefit of this is that once you exchange messages, you can get a sense of who he really is, not just your superficial impression of him. This will help you decide if he's even worth pursuing in the first place.”

As happens to the best of us, sometimes crushes do not translate well to an actual hook-up, and you have the rest of a semester to spend together in a class. Take a deep breath. Do not panic. Acting immaturely will just prolong the awkwardness. Freshman year, I completely ignored a failed hook-up for the rest of the class, even though he repeatedly sat next to me. Four years later, he still remembers my cold shoulder and it completely ruined our friendship. That said, don’t feel pressured to have extended conversations or force yourself to become besties. The best you can do is keep your head up, smile, and try to move on. Everyone has embarrassing moments in their love life timeline, and there is no level of humiliation that isn’t helped by a basic level of politeness and time.

As collegiettes in the 21st century, we’re presented with so many ways to flirt with guys without actually having to flirt with them in person. Technology makes it easy: “like” a guy’s Instagram photo, Facebook chat with him and he could be yours! But technology can complicate things, too. With apps like Tinder and Snapchat, it’s easy to accidentally cross the line from casual flirtations to cringe-worthy interactions. So how do you know where the line is when it comes to Snapchat? We asked college guys like Penn State junior Jake Adams, University of Richmond senior Andrew Valenski and recent Temple grad Nate Bronson to offer some insight on what they and their male friends are into (and not-so-into) when it comes to getting Snapchats from collegiettes: the annoying, the weird and the scandalous.

1. The Never-Ending Snapchat Series

Maybe you think that the guy you’re talking to wants to know what you’re doing all day at work. Or maybe you just happen to look really good and want him to see your good hair day as much as possible. Either way, Andrew says that you shouldn’t send too many Snapchats to a guy if you don’t want to annoy him.

“It’s not like sending one every once in a while is bad,” says Andrew. “But when you start getting more than three from the same person in a day it’s like, ‘alright, you’ve gotta calm down, girl.’”

Nate agrees: “I hate when a girl sends me a picture of every task she does all day long. I don’t need to see every thing you check off your to-do list from breakfast to bedtime.”

Andrew says that if a guy wants to get more Snapchats from you, he’ll send you some that require a response. “If a guy sends you one with a question or one that elicits an easy response, then he wants you to send one back to him. If you see he opened it and he didn’t respond, it’s probably better to wait until he sends one to you to send another his way.”

2. The Trying-too-Hard Snapchat

You know how on Instagram girls will hashtag things like “#Nomakeup” and “#Nofilter” when they’re clearly wearing makeup and using Valencia? Super annoying, right? Well, Andrew says the same principle can apply to Snapchats.

“If you get a Snapchat from a girl whose makeup is perfect and who clearly just did her hair and has crazy cleavage going on, you know that she tried hard to look good in that Snapchat,” Andrew says. “So to make a moderately gross face, like sticking your tongue out, then caption it ‘gross!’ when you’ve obviously worked hard to look cute… It just kind of leaves a bad taste in your mouth, like this girl’s trying too hard.”

Andrew emphasizes that he doesn’t care whether a girl’s wearing makeup or not. “Look like whatever you want, just don’t act like you look terrible when you put forth effort to look good,” he says. “Either own it or just don’t acknowledge it.”

Jake says he doesn’t mind if a girl looks pretty, but that a thousand Snapchats of her with the exact same facial expression get annoying. “I get it, she looks good with her head tilted to the right and a close-mouthed smile. But I don’t need to see it 10 times a day.”

Nate just has one rule when it comes to a girl’s appearance in a Snapchat: “No duck faces.”

3. The Bodily Functions Snapchat

This one seems pretty obvious, right? Maybe if you’re bros with a guy you can do this with him, but if you’re pursuing a relationship with him, you should probably avoid sending him a 10-second video of you belching the ABC’s.

“I think some girls think guys will respect them more if they own this gross stuff or something, and I mean, I know girls poop… I just don’t want to get a Snapchat of them on the toilet doing so,” Andrew says.

Just in case you were thinking of making a Snapchat version of that “Sittin On Tha Toilet” video… don’t.

4. The Sing-Along Snapchat

One of the best parts of Snapchat is that you get to show somebody else a 10-second snippet of how much fun your life is. Which is why it’s so tempting to send out mass Snapchats of you and your friends singing in the car with the windows down and the radio blasting—how fun is that?! But Andrew says getting videos of you and your friends, or even just you, singing along to some song in the car is a weird experience.

“It’s one thing if it’s a song that means something to me, like if we danced to it once or have an inside joke about it,” Andrew says. “But I feel weird watching you and your friend sing along to ‘We Can’t Stop’ or listening to you belt out ‘Treasure.’ I think it’s a cuter idea in your head than it is in real life.”

Nate says sometimes he likes the singing videos. “If your friend is hilariously off-pitch, I’ll probably laugh a little,” he says. “Or if you’re at a really cool concert, I wouldn’t mind that. But don’t send more than one of the concert.”

5. The Guy Friend Snapchat

While you may not even give it a second thought when you send out a picture of you and your best guy friend being goofballs to everyone on your contact list, Andrew says this is something that could bother the guy you’re romantically interested in.

“If you’re aiming for a relationship with the guy you’re sending this picture to, then there should maybe not be another guy in the picture,” Andrew says. “It could make him jealous or insecure about what you’ve got going on. Or it could make him think you’re hanging out with guys other than him, which could make him think it’s okay to hang out with girls other than you. So be careful with that one.”

Jake says this actually happened to him. “This girl and I were ‘talking,’ and it was pretty clear we were headed toward a relationship. Then she sent me this Snapchat of another guy kissing her on the cheek and it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way,” he says. “I couldn’t tell if she was trying to tell me she wasn’t into a relationship or if she was trying to make me jealous or something, but whatever it was, I wasn’t a fan of it.”

If you’re hoping to make a guy jealous with this move, proceed with caution—you don’t want to turn him off!

6. The Nude-Too-Soon Snapchat

Obviously, you don’t want to send a guy a nude shot the night that you meet him at a frat party. But how do you know when you’re jumping the gun and when it’s the right time to send a dirty picture his way?

“The most important thing is that you’re comfortable,” Andrew says. “Make sure you 100 percent trust him, because even though Snapchats are supposed to be un-screenshot-able, they aren’t. You don’t want to send this hot naked picture to some asshole and have him send it all around campus.”

It’s really important to remember that people definitely can (and do!) take screenshots of Snapchats, even though they aren’t supposed to be able to. There’s even a new app called Snap Save that has been created to save every Snapchat a user ever gets! So if you’re going to send a sexy pic, you need to make sure you trust him not to screenshot it or save it, unless you want his friends to see it, too!

“I’ve gotten some really bangin’ pictures of girls that I’ve been so tempted to save for, uh, rainy days,” Nate says. “But I know that’s a d*ck move, so I just try to burn the image into my brain before the Snapchat disappears. That said, I do have a ton of friends who have screenshotted pictures of girls and kept them on their phones. They’d never send them around, but they show them to their friends from their own phone, which is why you really should be careful who you’re sending these things to.”

A parting word of advice? “If you’re second guessing whether or not you should send it, then you probably shouldn’t send it,” Andrew says. Snap carefully, collegiettes! 

College relationships are so much more grown-up compared to high school relationships, right? Dating in college calls for more mature moves, such as not telling your friends every little detail about your relationship. While spilling some things to your roommates is perfectly okay, there are experiences that should be kept private between you and your SO for the sake of honoring your relationship. Here’s what not to tell your besties (as tough as it may be).

1. The private details of your partner’s life

Your SO tells you something really private and asks you not to tell anyone. This is absolutely a contract you cannot breach. Failing to respect your partner’s wishes could mean the demise of the relationship, especially if word gets out.

“You shouldn't tell your friends any secrets or private things your boyfriend entrusts in you,” says Suzanne Oshima, dating coach at Single in Stilettos. “Don't even think for a moment that it would be okay to just tell your best friend.”

Oshima says the consequences of doing so are dire.

“Why? Because if your boyfriend ever finds out that you shared something that he entrusted in you, he will never trust you again with anything else that he holds near and dear to his heart,” she says. “Men have a hard enough time opening up about their feelings, so don't breach his trust.”

Seriously, don’t. It means a lot that he told you this in the first place!

2. Every single disagreement you have with your partner

Sometimes it’s okay to consult your girls when you’re not sure who’s in the wrong. However, telling them about every single tiny argument you have with your SO can’t end well.

“You shouldn't tell your friends about every single fight you get into with your boyfriend,” Oshima says. “If you do, it will start to taint how they feel about him, and they'll just try to get you to break up with him.”

It’s best to keep some of the smaller arguments to yourselves. Plus, you should be able to work it out with your SO without the aid of your friends.

3. The super intimate stuff

If you’re experimenting with sex for the first time, it’s totally natural to have questions that you want to ask your girls. Remember, though, that divulging every single detail of these intimate happenings between you and your partner can take away from the importance you should be placing on these occurrences. After all, having sex with someone you deeply care about doesn’t happen all the time.

“I know so many like to kiss and tell, but you shouldn’t tell your friends about your sex life,” says Julie Spira, online dating and relationship expert as well as founder of Cyber-Dating Expert.

Spira says if you do tell one of your friends about your sex woes (or intimate details about your partner’s body and abilities) and you happen to get in a fight with said friend, those dirty details you spilled could get back to your SO. Now that would be awkward.

Make sure you have sex discussions with a person you totally and completely trust, because the situation Spira described could be nightmarish — especially if you attend a small college.

4. Exactly how fabulous your relationship is

Things aren’t going well — they’re going amazing. And we’re totally happy for you! However, keep in mind that you don’t want to be excessive when talking about it to your friends.

“You shouldn't gush and brag all the time to your single girlfriends about how great your boyfriend and relationship are,” Oshima says. “Being in love and in a great relationship can be one of the most amazing things. But it's important to be sensitive to your girlfriends who are single and not in a relationship right now.”

Remember when you were single and one of your friends was totally infatuated with her boyfriend? You had to hear about it all the time, and after a while, you were a bit fed up. Chatting about something adorable your SO did is fine from time to time, but don’t go overboard. As Oshima said, you should be considerate of your friends’ feelings.

Relationships are awesome, but with them come some expectation of privacy. After all, would you want your SO sharing every detail with his or her buddies? We didn’t think so. Honor your SO by keeping the intimate aspects of your relationship just that – intimate.

There’s no denying our absolute, undying love for chick flicks. They’re perfect when we’re looking to laugh, cry, plot revenge or just daydream of the love that is yet to come. But while we sit on our couches with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, envious of the romantic lives our favorite characters live, we may be soaking in some pretty crummy advice.

Despite their glamorous wardrobes, their perfectly timed comebacks and their ability to always live happily ever after (no matter how many times they lie, cheat and deceive!), our rom-com role models are seriously damaging the way we look at love, lust and everything in between—they’re not even ugly criers! So to help you uncover what’s legit and what’s a phony big-screen fairytale, we’ve re-watched all our go-to movies and uncovered the lessons you shouldn’t be taking from your favorite chick flicks.

Clueless

The Myth: Being dumb is super cute!

We’ll be the first to admit that Cher Horowitz’s life is downright epic. Her clothes are almost too chic for words, not to mention her fab-u-lous computer program that organizes her entire wardrobe—she was so ahead of the times! But step outside her walk-in closet, and there’s not much else going on in this girl’s head. She doesn’t follow standard traffic laws (“I totally paused!”), doesn’t keep up whatsoever with current events and advocates showing a whole lot of skin to get a guy. But it all totally works out for her and boys are tripping over themselves to get close to the—dare we say it—ditsiest girl in Beverly Hills. Because, when it comes down to it, the dumber you are, the more likely the boys will come running.

The Truth: Have beauty and brains.

You can have it all! Just because you’re gorgeous (and you totally are!) doesn’t mean you have to play down your smarts. If you’re the next Einstein, go ahead and flaunt your theory of relativity, cause your mind is one sexy thing that you need to show off. And even if you’re not a complete brainiac, that doesn’t mean you can’t work what you’ve got going on upstairs. Guys love to hear a girl throw out big words, test his opinions and just understand simple safety rules.

“I dated this girl who didn’t want me to know she was smarter than me,” says Sean, a recent grad of Penn State. “I went around thinking she was average and kind of dumb for about two months until her friend let it slip that she had a 4.0 and decided not to go to any of the Ivies she got into. Obviously we broke up, but even when we were together, I always felt like she was kind of plain and boring academically. I would have loved to ask her to help me with my calc work!”

Beauty only goes so far, but your brains are what will make him fall for you. Because, let’s get serious: you wouldn’t want to have a conversation with a guy that’s dumber than rocks, so why should he? (Bonus: you’re really not helping the whole girl power movement if you don’t show a guy up here and there with your killer smarts.)

Bride Wars

The Myth: Your relationship status is more important than the guy himself.

It’s BFF versus BFF.  Liv and Emma face off as they compete for the coveted date at the Plaza for their perfect weddings.  After a blue dye job, calorie-laden cookies and a tequila-filled spring break video, the two have essentially discarded their fiancés in pursuit of planning the most epic day.  Although Emma’s marriage crumbles before she can even say “I do,” the BFFs-turned-enemies look at their relationships as a gateway toward diamond rings, Vera Wang gowns and champagne flutes.  They’re essentially not tying the knot in the hopes of happily ever after, but rather to fulfill their childhood dreams of getting married. To them, it’s the wedding that matters, not necessarily the groom.

The Truth: Be in the relationship because you want to be with that person.

Everyone knows that girl who’s always in a relationship.  She dates a guy for two years, breaks up with him and then a week and a half later, she already has another guy on her arm.  She’s that girl who just always has to have a boyfriend so that she can say she’s not single.

But that’s not how relationships should work.  In college, there’s no rush to tie yourself down to guy after guy just to avoid using the word single—you should only change your Facebook relationship status (which is the only serious love, of course) if you legitimately want to be with someone.  For a majority of Emma’s storyline, she shacks up with her boyfriend just because she wants companionship, but she’s also willing to take that from anyone.  Don’t couple up out of desperation and distant dreams of what the relationship could be.  Focus on the guy, and everything else will come later.

John Tucker Must Die

The Myth: You can turn the player into a good guy.

John Tucker goes through girls quicker than most of us can finish off a Snickers bar during that time of the month.  Every hour it’s a new leading lady for this popular jock.  But in walks Kate, and it’s suddenly as if no other female has ever existed before. All of a sudden, the guy who had his hands up one girl’s shirt while simultaneously making out with another girl (without the two knowing!) is down for a monogamous, committed relationship. The player has been transformed!

The Truth: He won’t always change.

Listen up, collegiettes: you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  Despite our best efforts, there’s no switch you can flick on and off inside a bad boy’s brain. You shouldn’t actively pursue someone you know is trouble in hopes of being the girl who can change him: it’s a waste of your time.

“I had a crush on this guy for so long. Not to quote Taylor Swift, but I knew he was trouble,” says Jamie, a junior at University of Delaware. “That didn’t stop me, though. I had this idea in my head that I could be the one girl that he fell in love with and [make] him into this wonderful, committed guy. Needless to say, it totally didn’t work out. I found out he was hooking up with me and two other girls. I would’ve never known by the way he acted, but he was a player and had this game down pat.”

What Women Want

The Myth: Guys are clueless about girls, and they don’t really care.

Nick is absolutely and completely ignorant to the wants and needs of girls until he suddenly gets electrocuted and can hear all our thoughts and our deepest secrets.  Basically, it seems like he’s got what every guy wants—a firsthand look at what we expect from our man. For the first time, he’s totally knocking it out of the park when it comes to his love.  He knows where you want to be touched and what you want to talk about.  His character single-handedly proves that guys a) don’t care about us but pretend to get it, and b) are just kind of dumb. Luckily for Nick, he uses his newfound superpower to score big time.

The Truth: Guys aren’t that stupid and they are trying; cut them a break.

One minute we’re on cloud nine, and the next we’re hysterically crying, asking our boyfriends why he doesn’t get what he did wrong.  To put it gently, sometimes we can be a little bit irrational with a side of crazy and an extra helping of dramatic.  But that’s what keeps it fun—he never knows how we’re going to react next.  Or, does he?

It all depends.  It takes time for anyone to get know us, find out what makes us tick, learn what makes us smile and decipher what triggers the waterworks.  Obviously, from the get-go he’s not going to know all of this, but if you cut your guy some slack here and there, he’ll catch on and understand you better.  Hello, he just needs to get to know you. If you realize your boyfriend isn’t a bumbling idiot and he’s just trying to figure you out, you might find a whole lot of happiness around the corner.

Legally Blonde

The Myth: You should give up everything for The One.

Elle had the life. She had friends who were obsessed with her and a crazy awesome social calendar, and she was totally going places with her fashion merchandising major.  But then her boyfriend broke up with her, and it all went downhill from there. She threw away the final months of her senior year to prep for the LSAT, and after she aced the test, she followed him across the country to Harvard Law School (Not exactly what she originally planned on doing with her life, right?). Fortunately, her quarter-life crisis and major life detour found her in the arms of another hot academic, but what are the chances of that actually happening? For all we know, Elle could have been the next Rachel Zoe.

The Truth: You should come first.

Yeah, yeah, we know: you have to think about both people in the relationship.  But that’s not exactly what we’re talking about here.  At this point in our lives, we’re too young to base our futures entirely off of someone’s plans.  Think about it this way: you spent four years of high school working toward college, and four years there working toward your future.  Do you really want to push that all aside in favor of someone else’s dreams?

So if your boyfriend doesn’t get into the same university as you, it’s not always the end of the world. You can make long distance work if you try.  But you can’t give up on your top school for a guy that may not be your boyfriend come graduation.  The same goes for after college.  When you land your dream job in New York and he gets his in Los Angeles, there’s absolutely no reason to deny the offer because of him; you’ll always wonder what could have been. 

The Notebook

The Myth: He’ll always wait for you.

Noah loves Allie and Allie loves Noah. (If only it were that easy.) When Allie leaves for the summer, Noah promises to hold onto their dying romance.  Long distance gets in the way, and when Allie assumes Noah forgot her, she moves on with her life.  But Noah, who continues to write to her every day, clings to the past and still hopes for a future with Allie. Years go by, and Allie is engaged to another man. Yet Noah still waits for the day when they’ll finally reunite.  And, in true tearjerker fashion, they do.  Their reunion is the most epic in modern-day rom-com history, solely because Noah refused to sway or move on in the least bit. 

The Truth: He won’t wait forever.

Unfortunately, our lives are most definitely not like The Notebook (sorry to break the news there). When you meet a guy in college, he won’t stick around for years, or even months, waiting for you.  And when you finally do decide to come his way, if it’s been too long, he’s not about to drop everything (and every girl) just for you.

But that also works in the reverse. Let’s be real: it’s the 21st century, and we move way too quickly to stay hung up on one person for too long. If you like a guy, let him know. If you don’t, let him know. It’s not fair to leave him hanging forever (or a few weeks), and he probably won’t stick around waiting for you to make up your mind about your feelings.

Sex and the City

The Myth: Over-analyzing will help you make better romantic decisions.

Carrie Bradshaw is the queen of overthinking things: 

“In matters of love, do actions speak louder than words?”

“Soul mate: two little words, one big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere, is holding the key to your heart.”

“Do we need to go the distance to get close?”

Every guy, every kiss, every wink and every breath gets analyzed by Carrie.  She spends her days scrutinizing the actions of every male that has ever come her way.  In life, she ends up second-guessing almost all of her moves, and she can’t help but shake the nagging feeling inside that something isn’t right. Although in the Sex and the City movie she ends up married to the guy she chased for six TV seasons, her brain never stops questioning. No decision is made on the spot; rather, it takes her hours to go over every possible route this choice could create. It works for her on TV, but in reality? Eh…

The Truth: You’ll have more fun living in the moment.

When it comes to matters of the heart in the life of a 20-something, going with your gut is often a great decision. Instead of overthinking the little things (“Would it be weird if I asked him to formal because he looked at me funny yesterday and he could be uninterested?” “What does his ‘hey’ text really mean?!”), just go with what you want to do. This is the time to have fun and learn from your mistakes. Obviously, you shouldn’t go around hooking up with just about everyone, but if you feel like letting loose once in a while, a pro/con list followed a 45-minute discussion isn’t necessary.  Don’t worry about the future; just live for now and you’ll be much better off.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

The Myth: Love happens right away.

Within 10 days, Andie and Ben somehow went from hating each other to falling madly in love. Despite the fact that she acted a little on the psycho side and he hung on just to win a bet, the two ended up bonding over a day spent on Staten Island. And the rest is history. A magical almost-two-weeks of fighting, crazy antics and a dead love fern brought them their happily ever after.

The Truth: Relationships take time.

You see a guy and, most likely based on his physical looks, you’re in. Totally and completely obsessed and can’t stop thinking about him, right? Well, that’s lust at first sight; definitely not love. Love is knowing someone inside and out and understanding them better than they know themselves.  For some, love comes quickly, but for others, it takes time. Yet, no matter the case, it definitely won’t happen within 10 days (unless, of course, you’re on a deserted island with no on else to entertain you).

So don’t freak out when the fireworks don’t go off after a week of texting. You’ve got to experience life with someone (e.g. a frat party, an all-night cram session, a hungover Sunday) to really get to know him as a person enough to actually fall in love with him.

So, collegiettes, the next time you’re seeking your Ryan Gosling, Jesse Metcalfe, Chris Noth or Matthew McConaughey, think again before reenacting what you’ve seen on the big screen. Sure, the credits roll and everyone is all lovey-dovey, but these fictional characters’ lives are far from reality. Like Ryan Gosling would ever build you your dream house by hand? Keep dreaming. Your chances at happiness are significantly higher once you forget your favorite chick flicks!

The shock of finding out that your friend is in an abusive relationship might make you feel incapable of giving her the support she needs. Thankfully, there are many resources to help both you and your friend get through this. We asked experts for the telling signs that you should be worried about your friend’s relationship as well as the steps you should take if her SO’s behavior is unacceptable.

How to tell if your friend’s relationship is abusive

There are many signs that could tip you off that your friend’s relationship is abnormal and harmful. Jessica Ladd-Webert, LPC, director of the Office of Victim Assistance at the University of Colorado Boulder, lists some of the signs of an abusive relationship:

• Your friend’s partner constantly puts her down.
• Your friend gives up on things that are important to her because of her relationship, such as school, family, friends or hobbies.
• Her partner gets overly angry and has unpredictable mood swings.
• Your friend is embarrassed by her partner’s behavior towards her.
• Her partner makes all the decisions in their relationship and is overly controlling.
• Her partner reads your friend’s messages and calls her very frequently to check up on her.
• Your friend’s SO manipulates her with guilt, insults and/or threats.
• Her SO threatens to harm her, him/herself and/or others.
• Her partner destroys your friend’s property.
• Her partner threatens or harms her pets.
• Her partner harms your friend physically, by pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting her.
• Her partner forces her into unwanted sexual activity.

If you notice any of these signs, you should talk to your friend. Then, you two can work through it together.

Rebecca*, a senior collegiette, saw some of these signs. “My friend Kira* went to school a little ways away from me, so I never even met the guy,” Rebecca says. “All I knew for sure was that he was into some pretty scary drugs and … had a lot of anger management issues, and she saw the brunt of that.”

How to approach her if she hasn’t told you

Even if you have noticed that your friend’s relationship is harming her, it’s possible that she is either denying it or hasn’t realized it herself. The right thing to do is to “express concern and empower your friend to make her own decisions,” advises Denisha A. Champion, a counselor at the Wake Forest University Counseling Center. “A person may not realize that they are being abused, may feel very in love with their abuser or feel too embarrassed to tell anyone about what is happening for fear that they are just imagining it.”

This was – and still is – the case for a friend of Ashley*, a sophomore collegiette. “[My friend’s boyfriend] was very insecure, jealous and did not trust my friend at all,” Ashley says. Her friend spent most of her year in her dorm talking to her boyfriend, did not meet anyone new and always defended her partner when Ashley and her other friends tried to warn her about him.

In order to help your friend realize what’s happening, you have to reassure her that you are on her side. Tell her that you’re worried about her and that she deserves better treatment. “Be specific,” Ladd-Webert says. “Avoid putting down her partner’s whole personality. Say, ‘When so-and-so insults you in front of us, I get worried,’” for example.

Don’t make any accusations, and don’t act like you know exactly what the situation is like. Instead, make sure to listen, because “your friend may be confused about her relationship,” Ladd-Webert says. “Use 'I' statements and avoid telling her what to do; make observations about what you are seeing and hearing.”

You should find out the resources that are available to your friend and suggest them to her, but, most importantly, you should “avoid taking control of the situation,” Ladd-Webert says. “Talk with a confidential counselor or advocate who understands the dynamics of intimate partner abuse.”

Finally, don’t forget about your own well-being, because “it can be very hard to see someone you care about in this kind of relationship, especially if they go back and forth a lot,” Ladd-Webert says. Use your school’s counseling center for advice for what you should do for your friend, but also to helpyou stay strong in this difficult situation.

How to react if your friend tells you about her abusive relationship

The best thing to do if your friend comes to you for help is to “listen actively and be supportive,” says Abbey L. Carter Logan, a clinical counselor at the Ohio State University Counseling and Consultation Service. “Take a non-judgmental attitude and just let your friend talk to you so she knows that she can trust you. Let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk or if she feels unsafe.”

Additionally, and although this might seem intuitive, you should always make a point to believe your friend, “even if you personally know the partner and are shocked to learn that [he or she] might be engaging in abusive behaviors,” Champion says.

Your friend is much more likely to downplay the abuse she is experiencing than she is to make it up. “[Kira] told me that her boyfriend would go into a fit of rage, but she always insisted that it was because he cared about her,” Rebecca. “She never eluded to the fact that he would hit her.”

You have legitimate reasons to be angry with your friend’s partner, especially if you knew and trusted him or her, but “do not try to take on the abusive partner yourself or try to get between [your friend and her SO],” Carter Logan advises. “This has the potential to isolate your friend further and will make it more difficult for her to talk with you in the future.”

Finally, encourage your friend to seek out support, and make sure she knows the resources that are available to help her on and off campus. Check out the next section to find out where to go.

Which resources should you and your friend turn to?

You and anyone else your friend has confided in are her first resources; don’t underestimate how much you can do for her. Even if she refuses to go to counseling at first, your ongoing support and understanding could eventually change her mind. “If informal support, like friends and family, respond in a positive, supportive way, this will increase the likelihood that the person in the abusive relationship will seek formal support,” Ladd-Webert explains.

After the summer when Kira reported her boyfriend's abusive behavior to Rebecca, both girls went back to their respective schools. “All I felt I could do was insist that she break up with him and report his behavior with the school,” Rebecca says. After many arguments between the two friends, Kira finally broke things off with her abusive partner and obtained a school-issued restraining order against him. When you seek formal support for you and your friend, a counselor might suggest you do the same and help you with the process.

Formal support refers to “a confidential advocate or counselor who is knowledgeable about the cycle of violence and abuse,” Ladd-Webert says. Thankfully, there are many such services on college campuses. Research your school’s counseling services and find out how to set up an appointment for you, your friend, or both of you. This is usually done over the phone so that you can answer a few questions before the appointment.

With that in mind, don't make an appointment for your friend without consulting her first. Many schools' counseling centers won't let you set up a session for someone else, but even if yours does, you should “avoid taking control or telling your friend in the abusive relationship what to do,” Ladd-Webert says. “She is already dealing with this in her relationship.”

Both the National Domestic Violence Hotline and The Red Flag Campaign are comprehensive websites on which you will find information about abusive relationships, a list of local counseling services and numbers to call in order to get help for you and your friend.

Depending on the seriousness of your friend’s situation, domestic violence professionals will either help her get out of her relationship or direct her to police in cases where there were threats or physical abuse.

Having a friend in an abusive relationship is a horrible situation to be in, and it’s the kind of thing we think only happens to others. Unfortunately, abuse on college campuses is common. According to the Counseling & Testing Center at the University of Oregon, 57 percent of reported abusive relationships happened in college. This is why it’s essential that you know which resources to turn to if you find yourself having to help a friend.

The good news is that your friendly support is one of the best resources for her to begin separating herself from her abusive partner. You should empower your friend, let her know that what’s happening is not her fault and encourage her to seek out professional help. You are strong and so is she; neither of you should ever forget that.

*Names have been changed.

Science works in weird and wonderful ways, and chemistry between two people is no different. While you’ve probably already heard of some tried-and-true flirting tips that can get a guy hooked, what about some more offbeat possibilities? What are some less conventional facts about attraction that science has revealed, and how can they help you get a guy?

We’ve compiled a short list of facts you might have never known about attraction. Some of them may seem odd, but you probably never knew that they would help you snag a campus cutie!

1. Wear Red

It’s true that boys don’t always care about our fashion choices, but the one thing they can agree on is their favorite color: red. It’s been repeatedly proven to be an eye-catching color to the guys!

A recent study by the University of Rochester found that women who wear red in their online dating profile photos are more likely to receive messages and dates than those wearing any other color. And another study from the University of Southern Brittany in France found that the women in red tops prompted 21 percent of the total inquiries for dates (compare that to 14-16 percent of the messages received by women who were wearing black, white, blue, yellow or green!). So on your next date, leave your go-to LBD in the closet and slip into a flirty red number instead! The point is to inspire passion and love, and what better color to do that with than a deep, romantic red?

2. Listen to Classical Music (And Maybe Avoid Country)

Don’t hide your CDs if you’re a classical music fan! A study in 1989 by Dolf Zillman and Azra Bhatia showed that men actually found women more attractive when they mentioned that they enjoyed classical music. The opposite effect happened when women mentioned that they loved heavy metal—men viewed them as less attractive. While more research needs to be done to show if today’s new popular music genres have the same effect, there’s no question that music does help get a man hooked.

Something surprising, though, is that both men and women found their dates less attractive if they said they liked country music. We’re sure country music has less of a negative effect if both you and your guy love country, but to be safe, you may want to save the country music confession for later down the road in your relationship.

3. Scare Him

Love and fear may seem like two opposite emotions, but they actually complement each other! To understand why, pretend that you live way back during the hunter-gatherer era when survival would have been your first priority. According to Psychology Today, when humans felt threatened, they went into “survival mode” and looked for ways to stay alive. One way that hunter-gatherers survived was physically and emotionally latching on to others, which led to relationships between men and women. This means that many early emotional and sexual relationships were born out of fear for survival because our ancestors would get anxiety and attraction confused.

So on your next movie night, try watching The Ring and sidle up to your guy. His arm will probably be around you much sooner than you think!

4. Lay off the Perfume

We’re not telling you to stop showering or putting on deodorant when you step out of the gym, but studies suggest that to get the right guy, you don’t need layers upon layers of perfume to make him fall for you. In fact, science says that you should skip all that heavily scented body lotion, since your natural scent will determine if a guy is truly attracted to you!

Why does your natural scent matter? The key lies with more than 100 immune system genes that together are known as MHC. Basically, when you meet a guy, your nose automatically picks up those genes in his natural scent and determines whether or not he’s biologically worth your time. The more dissimilar his MHC structure is to yours, the more attracted you’ll both be to one another. Why does this happen? Your body is wired to make sure that your DNA survives (through reproducing), and one way to do it is to strengthen your potential children’s immune system! Even though you’re most likely not thinking about having kids with someone right now, your body acts as though you may.

If you don’t believe it, talk to all your girl friends about their current boyfriends or exes. They’ll probably mention at some point that burrowing their nose into a T-shirt of his or his hair was one of their favorite things to do, most likely because they loved how he smelled. A lot of evolution and the survival of mankind had to do with scent, and the same thing still happens today.

5. Stock Up On Arugula

You may have heard about how effective oysters are at boosting both men and women’s libidos, but you may want to listen to your parents’ age-old advice and eat your greens. This is especially true when we’re talking about arugula.

Arugula is a green plant from the Mediterranean region with a ton of nutrients. But aside from being super healthy, it’s also super great for our sexual health. In fact, arugula has actually been eaten since the very first century because of its positive impacts on people’s sex lives! While oysters directly turn up your libido, arugula helps it by absorbing a lot of the unhealthy contaminants in our bodies that interfere with sexual arousal. So if you’re not a fan of oysters, maybe make your guy a nice arugula salad one night!

Some other good food options include spinach, broccoli and red grapes. If you used to cringe when eating your fruits and veggies, think again! More and more studies are finding correlations between healthy food items and healthy sex lives. The upside is that there are more than enough recipes to incorporate all of them any time you’d like to cook for you date!

Obviously, we’re not telling you that to get the guy of your dreams, you need to constantly play classical music, not bother too much with hygiene, only watch scary movies and serve him huge portions of arugula. If anything, these are just the more uncommon facts about attraction that are backed in science. Chemistry between two people is still a huge research topic among biologists and psychologists alike so don’t be surprised if even newer, wackier facts emerge in the next few years!

If you’ve ever locked eyes with a campus cutie across a crowded room at a house party, you probably find yourself wondering… what does he think of me? But, have you ever wondered what he first notices about you? Does he like my dress or my hairstyle? Does he see the circle of friends I’m hanging out with or care about the way I’m sitting? Well, wonder no more! We’ve talked to the guys firsthand to hear what gets their attention, what they notice at first glance—and how you can have him doing a double-take!

On a dinner date

Your sense of style

As chic collegiette fashionistas, naturally, we already knew this, but your personal style can say a lot about your personality. And don’t worry, the boys are taking notice of that cute little sundress you’re wearing to meet him for your Friday night dinner date. We’ve already told you what guys think of some of your outfits, so it’s no wonder that they would be taking notice of your outfits on date night.

“I see how she’s dressed as a way to figure out what she’s like,” says Jonah*, a recent grad of the University of New Hampshire. “How a girl is dressed can tell me a lot of things about her. Like, if she’s outdoorsy then she’s probably not wearing a mini-skirt.” As girls, it goes without saying that there are certain outfits we save for certain occasions. We like to wear the little black dress to formals and we only break out the more revealing (like say, the famous bodycon mini skirt) for the frat party. Most guys we talked to say that they notice that difference. “I like to see a little bit of her figure, but I don’t think she should put it all out there either,” Jonah says. “But there’s a line you cross from being sexy to just being skanky.” When it comes to clothes, the cut and the silhouette of an outfit will impress the guys more than showing skin.

Your hair

While you’re rummaging through the racks of your closet for that perfect date night outfit, you might be surprised to hear that besides your personal style, your hair is just as important to the guys. Evan*, a sophomore at Champlain College, says that one of the first things he notices about a girl is her silky, sexy locks.

“I guess it’s just a personal thing, but I love wavy hair,” Evan says.“I love hair that looks soft, that I can run my hands through.”

Jonah agrees, saying that one of his biggest pet peeves in a girl is messy hair. “If it looks like she hasn’t showered in days, like it’s all frizzy, that’s a turn-off to me.” Good to know.

In class

Where and how you sit in class

It might be hard to scope out the cuties in class, but that doesn’t mean that the boys have stopped looking! So how do they see you in class among rows and rows of other girls? You might not think that slouching in the back of the lecture hall in your sweats says all that much and you would be right! Drew*, a recent grad of Rivier University, says that a girl who carries her head high and sits towards the front of the class sends a strong message. “It’s saying, ‘Hey, I’m confident. I’m a girl you’ll want to know.’” Think about it this way, do you ever notice the guy sitting in the back who looks like he’s about to take a nap? Or do you notice the confidant, talkative guy up front with the rest of the class? Which guy would you want to flirt with and share notes with in a study group?

At the party

Who you hang out with

While the guys love a girl who is outgoing and likeable, being a social butterfly can have its drawbacks. More than half of the guys we interviewed said that they would be less likely to approach a girl at a party who was surrounded by a posse of her BFFs. Even worse, if you’re caught hanging out with a group of guys, guys say they automatically assume that one of those guys is your boyfriend. Sam*, a recent grad of Fitchburg State University, says that approaching a girl who is surrounded by either girls or guys can be intimidating. “If she’s hanging out with all her friends, it’s a lot more embarrassing if she turns me down,” he says.“And if she’s with a bunch of guys, I feel like there’s a lot of competition.”

Your going-out makeup

One of the biggest turn-offs to guys is what Cory*, a senior at the University of New Hampshire calls, “clown face.”

“There’s nothing more obnoxious to me than when a girl’s caked on the makeup,” he says. “I can’t hardly even see her face and I want to know what she looks like.” Ditch the face glitter and crazy clubbing colors. According to the guys, a smoky eye or pouty painted lips can be just enough to get his attention. And feel free to go au natural for a change.

Around campus

Your walk

When you’re running from class to class, guys might be the last thing on your mind. And frankly, how do you know if he even sees you crossing the street to class or in the middle of the morning rush at the dining hall? What does he see about you? Why not the way you walk? A sexy strut can reveal a lot to the boys. “I see these girls who stomp around like dinosaurs on campus,” Drew says.“Not very ladylike. Whatever happened to walking like a normal person?” So stand tall, walk with grace, and treat the campus like it’s your catwalk!

What you tote around

Joey*, a senior at Boston College, admits that it can be hard to notice a girl on campus unless she makes a lasting impression. One of the things he notices about girls is the amount of textbooks, purses, and bags they carry with them. “I’ll notice if a cute girl who’s carrying around a ton of stuff,” Joey says with a wink.“If it looks like she’s struggling with an armful of textbooks or something, it’s the perfect opportunity for me to swoop in and lend her a helping hand.”

Other guys say that the items themselves can speak volumes about you as a person. “If she’s carrying around a lot of makeup, I kind of take that as a sign that she’s going to be high maintenance,” says Craig*, a senior at Brandeis University.

You might not think he’s noticing you, but as we’ve heard from the guys themselves, chances are that they are! But what about you, collegiettes? What do you first notice about the boys?

*Names have been changed.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I met this guy a couple months ago, and we had been talking nonstop. After school ended, we have been unable to hang out due to some circumstances. We've established that we have feelings for each other, and we still keep in contact. Even though this guy isn't a fan of texting, he would text me at least twice a day. Recently he has completely stopped answering my texts, and it feels like he isn't into me anymore. I'm afraid he's just been leading me on or I'm just a rebound from his last girlfriend. What do I do? –Worried at Wesleyan

Wesleyan,

Sometimes, we get into… well, I wouldn’t call them relationships. More than friends, less than dating — you know what I mean? So we get into these periods of talking to people we’re interested in without actually going out, and these periods can last for months on end. You know he or she is interested in you, you’re interested in that person as well, but for whatever reason, no progress is ever made on the dating front. I’ve been in those situations numerous times, and it always sucks when they end before anything actually begins.

At the same time, when these periods of “flirtationship” last for months on end, we grow comfortable. We get complacent in our styles, and things get old. We get bored with things quickly, especially when there’s no tangible progress being made. This can cause people to text each other less and less as the days go on. So take all that with the fact that this guy hated texting already, and I think I see what’s going on here.

If nothing’s happening, there’s no reason to stick around; it’s the bitter truth. You might be wondering why he didn’t ask you out, but that can be argued against by asking why you didn’t bother asking him out. It’s a two-way street, Wesleyan. If you both knew there was something there, one of you should have made a move. For whatever reason, neither of you acted, and I have a sneaking suspicion that now he’s moved on from something that wasn’t benefitting him.

Frankly, I can’t blame the guy. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have manned up and done something, but the past is in the past. The train doesn’t wait for everyone to board: After a certain time, the doors close and the train rolls on. Sad as it may be, I think you missed your chance here.

I don’t think he was leading you on, and I don’t think you were a rebound. I simply think he moved on from something that wasn’t going anywhere. There’s fault in that situation, but it’s on both of you.

Better luck next time.