You and your boyfriend are arguing one night about your relationship when suddenly he throws out that one phrase that makes you feel like you’re the crazy one: emotional baggage.

It’s one of those terms we hear all the time from friends, family and the media, but no one seems to actually be able to pinpoint what it is and what to do about it. So, what is emotional baggage really, how can you stop it from hurting your future relationships and how can you pack your baggage up for good?

Luckily, HC talked to collegiettes and experts to find out more about the phenomenon!

What is emotional baggage?

At its simplest, emotional baggage is the sum of all the negative experiences you’ve had in relationships (both romantic and otherwise) that you bring with you throughout life.

“The idea is that you’re forever carrying around this metaphorical weight on your shoulders of issues from the past,” says Jasmine Ryan, a healthy relationships and dating counselor at the University of Florida. “This baggage therefore affects your worldview and how you interact with people. It can have extremely negative consequences on your ability to connect with people.”

Ryan also points out that emotional baggage doesn’t just come from your romantic relationships. “Basically every relationship you’ve had comes with some form of emotional baggage,” she says. “But the most common problems that people mention are those associated with former significant others as well as parents and family members.”

What type of emotional baggage are you carrying around?

Ryan explains that “types” of emotional baggage are extremely vague and vary in severity from person to person. “An easy way to break down your emotional baggage is the baggage related to your romantic relationships (like a significant other or even just a fling) and your non-romantic relationships (like with family or friends). Both types of baggage do have an impact on one another, so issues you have with your parents play out in interactions with your boyfriend and vice versa.”

Within these two larger categories, emotional baggage can be broken down into subcategories. “For example, you could’ve been in an abusive relationship and now carry traumatic experiences from that time,” Ryan says.

Interested in figuring out what particular baggage you carry around? Ryan recommends looking back at your previous relationships and seeing what went wrong. “Large problems in relationships, like infidelity or even just constant bickering, can leave you feeling vulnerable in future relationships,” she says. “So if you had a boyfriend who cheated on you, it will probably affect how you interact with your next significant other. You’ll carry the weight of being afraid he’ll cheat on you, too.”

Ryan also explains that these experiences multiply the older you get. “People don’t just carry around one negative experience; we collect thousands of tiny little moments and micro-aggressions throughout our lives, all with different people,” she says. “In other words, emotional baggage creates more emotional baggage. Even more importantly, emotional baggage of any kind can affect all of your relationships.”

What kinds of emotional baggage have some collegiettes dealt with in the past? We talked to some brave college women to find out!

Emotional baggage from romantic relationships

A significant other can definitely leave you with a great deal of emotional baggage no matter how long or intense your relationship was, and these experiences could make things a lot worse for your future relationships.

Lauren*, a senior at the University of Florida, found herself dealing with emotional baggage from six years prior when she began dating her boyfriend, John*. “I was in an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship when I was a freshman and sophomore in high school and thought I’d finally moved past it when I got to college,” she says.

However, when Lauren started dating John during her junior year of college, her first real relationship since her abusive one, she found that she couldn’t shake the problems that had haunted her for years. “Any time he got remotely annoyed, I’d start apologizing profusely, just like I had with my ex-boyfriend when I was trying to stop the abuse,” she says. “I’d start feeling really anxious, like I did when the abuse was happening. The problem was, John wasn’t doing anything wrong. Eventually he started asking me what was happening, and I was so scared to tell him the truth.”

Allison*, a senior at Wesleyan University, had an extremely controlling boyfriend during her first two years of college who left her feeling vulnerable and scared. “To this day, I still struggle with trying to find guys who don’t remind me of my ex-boyfriend,” she says. “I went through a lot during those two years we were together, and I guess a lot of my emotional baggage has to do with that relationship. It’s definitely affected how I treat my friends and family, and I’m still trying to find a way to cope.”

Emotional baggage from non-romantic relationships

While romantic relationships do make up a large portion of the issues relating to emotional baggage, problems with family, friends and strangers can still leave a mark. Even more importantly, these difficulties also make your romantic relationships way tougher.

Jade*, a senior at Wesleyan University, found that her own emotional baggage compounded over time. “I had a difficult relationship with my father growing up,” she says. “I hate to use the term ‘daddy issues,’ but that’s pretty much what I had by the time I went to college. As soon as I entered my first real relationship during freshman year, I was floored by how much my past problems with my dad played into my interactions with my boyfriend, and when we broke up, I carried around all of the issues from that relationship, too, in addition to the stuff I’d already had with my dad.”

The bottom line is to remember that almost all collegiettes deal with emotional baggage in some form or another, so you’re definitely not alone!

How can you get rid of emotional baggage?

While you can’t really stomp out your emotional baggage for good (memories and experiences are forever, after all), there are ways to cope with how you’re feeling and techniques for how to successfully keep emotional baggage from controlling your life and ruining your relationships.

Accept it

The first step to dealing with your emotional baggage is to admit that it does exist.

Until Lauren opened up to John about the abuse she suffered from her ex-boyfriend in high school, she hadn’t told anyone since she’d started college. “I felt like UF was a fresh start where people didn’t know what had happened to me when I was 15, so at first it was really hard letting that go,” she says. “But when I finally told John, I really felt the whole ‘weight lifted off my shoulders’ thing. It was this huge piece of emotional baggage I’d been carrying around, keeping me from being close to other people, and it was finally out in the open with someone I trusted.”

Lauren says that putting her emotional baggage out there made it easier for John to put his own baggage out there, too. “Eventually John told me about how an ex-girlfriend he’d dated for several years had been cheating on him for the majority of their time together, so he had his own emotional baggage as well,” she says. “It made me feel much more comfortable knowing that I wasn’t alone, and while our baggage is different, we both have it.”

Acceptance may take some people longer than others. However, remember that just because you accept that you have emotional baggage doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone right away!

Try therapy

Whenever Ryan talks to UF students who are struggling with their relationships as well as the emotional baggage behind them, she suggests they go see an on-campus therapist. “Many colleges give students free or discounted therapy sessions, so I highly recommend taking your school up on the offer,” she says. “Even if the therapist his or herself isn’t necessarily trained to help you through your particular pieces of emotional baggage, they can point you in the right direction towards great resources.”

Jade started attending therapy sessions on campus during her junior year of college and felt that it helped her come to terms with a lot of her experiences. “I would also recommend that you really take some time to find the right therapist if you want to see results,” she says. “I didn’t really mesh with the first person I saw about my problems, so I’m glad I asked our health services for a switch and got an amazing therapist who knows how to listen to my problems while also offering great advice.”

Find a support group

After Lauren told John about her past relationship, they started talking about what they could both do to cope with their own emotional baggage. “John actually helped me find a support group of college women who were survivors of abusive relationships, and that’s been one of the best resources for me,” she says. “Though being in the group brings up a lot of difficult memories for me, it’s been so inspiring and empowering to know that I’m not alone. I’ve found resources that I can use should I ever find myself in a similar situation again as well as tools to help me get better. I also love the other women in my support group.”

Like therapy, Lauren cautions collegiettes to take the time to find the support group that’s right for them. “If your support group isn’t a good fit (you don’t really like the other people in it, the facilitator isn’t that great), you shouldn’t feel bad about leaving,” she says. “Just make sure you keep looking!”

Overall, emotional baggage doesn’t need to stop you from living a full and happy life. Understand that every person carries around some baggage, seek help if you need it and don’t be afraid of what lies ahead!

*Names have been changed.

It’s a new school year, which means, in all its cheesy glory, a brand spanking new you! You may not realize it yet, but those summer months of internships, relaxation and sun have matured us all — it’s better to blame it on the tan than the actual fact that we’re growing up, we’re big girls now. That being said, we’re saying goodbye to the days of promising ourselves we’ll find a boyfriend or girlfriend while stuffing our faces with Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream on the couch. This year, collegiettes’ love resolutions will be about confidence, self-respect and everything else that will rock everyone’s world… starting with our own. We’ve complied a list of four love resolutions (and tips for putting them into action) that will make this school year the best one yet.

Love Resolution #1: I Will Confront My Crush

“I think my new semester's love resolution is to finally have a conversation with this guy I've been crushing on. We met at a party, he seemed super into me and even asked for my number, but I get very nervous whenever I see him!” – Kelsey, Boston University 

So you’ve been crushing on this guy or girl for, we don’t know, ever. Well, this year, it’s time to take some action. If he or she hasn’t made a move yet, then it’s your time to step up to the plate — the ball’s in your court.

We know, easier said than done. However, in the grand scheme of life, what do you have to lose? You’re not dating, so you can’t break up. If you’re friends, confronting him or her won’t completely and totally ruin your friendship, assuming you let yourself move on. If you’re acquaintances, then you could end up as friends — and almost every great relationship starts off with that as a solid foundation.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Professor of Psychology at California State University and a relationship expert who’s been featured as one of Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, adds that pining after someone for so long can get pretty tiring — this year, it’s time to rip the Band-aid off with one quick pull. “As I see it, you may as well get in there, be yourself and see what happens,” Durvasula says. “Waiting is not likely to create change, and in the interim, someone else may snatch him or her up.”

The absolute worst thing that can happen is he or she says no. But if that’s the case, then he or she clearly wasn’t good enough for you. After a well-deserved trip to your fave froyo joint and a Sex and the City marathon, you’ll be as good as new — and you’ll eventually have a story to laugh about with your girlfriends (not to mention a completely valid reason to seek revenge… totally kidding. Maybe.).

“But keep in mind, even if he or she says no — you are still you. It isn’t an indictment of you. Think of the guys or girls you have said no to — it wasn’t personal, it just wasn’t a fit,” Durvasula says.

How To Do It?
Like we said before, it’s a whole lot easier to imagine a perfect situation where you approach that Campus Cutie in your chemistry lab, ask him or her out and then ride off into the sunset together living happily ever after. But let’s get real — college isn’t exactly the set of a Disney movie (although I’m sure more than a few of us have lost a shoe after a night out… or before the clock struck midnight).

So just how exactly do you go about creating your 21st century, fairytale-esque, I-just-hope-I-don’t-have-anything-in-my-teeth dreams a reality? While there are no foolproof scenarios you can concoct, there are ways to talk to that special guy or girl without desperately wanting to crawl under your bed and hide forever.

Durvasula recommends approaching him or her wherever and whenever you feel most comfortable.

“If you are at the same party, wonderful, a perfect place to approach. Time it right, catch his or her smile across the room or comment on something he or she is looking at or wearing. At the end of the day, the more times you take the initiative, the bolder you will get, and the boldness will ultimately get you to the right match for you.”

Scenario:
If you see him out, go up and talk to him! Parties are all about mixing and mingling, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary to start chatting him or her up. With a little liquid courage if you’re of age (and we mean a little — we’re not trying to channel Cady Heron by throwing up on Aaron Samuels), be that confident collegiette that you know you are deep down inside. If you’re nervous at first, ask your friends to come with you, letting them know that once conversation is flowing, they can subtly and slyly walk away. So, what are good conversation starters? Class, summer, Greek life, even the breed of his or her dog — anything you’re interested in! A pretty good go-to is, "Hey, how are you? I haven’t seen you around in a while, what’s new?" But what if you guys haven’t really formally met? Well, if you have mutual friends, ask them to casually introduce you two. We're also a supporter of not-so-accidentally bumping into him or her. From there, you can apologize for your clumsy (but not alcohol-induced) trip and strike up a conversation. But just remember, this is the 21st century; there’s no need to wait for him or her to ask you for your number. Be confident and cute, and ask him or for his or her digits! You’d be surprised how sexy confidence can be.

Just remember collegiettes, however you decide to approach him or her (a.k.a lure him or her in), be direct! Psychotherapist Mary Waldon, LCSW says, “Ask for a date. Call it a date. No need to go on and on about your feelings and the history. Just say you like him or her and ask for a date.” Let’s be honest, you have about five minutes (read: seconds) before his or her mind wanders off. Catch his or her attention while you can!

Love Resolution #2: I Will Say Goodbye to Hopeless Hook-Ups

“I won't go into random hook-ups with the hope that they will turn into relationships. Instead, I'll indulge in a few spontaneous hook-ups, but the rest of the time take things slowly and give guys a chance to get to know me before I let them get to know me in an intimate way.”- Anonymous, University of Michigan 

Random hook-ups and DFMOs — dance floor make-outs — have seemingly become staples of the college experience. But why? Does anything beneficial really come out of shoving your tongue down a stranger’s throat? While we can all agree that random hook-ups are basically pointless, a lot of collegiettes still take part in those awkwardly public, very drunk make-out sessions… usually in hopes that it will turn into something more. Although we're taking a wild guess here, we're going to assume that about 99.99 percent of these one-time hook-ups stay as just that: one-time hook-ups. However, there’s no real mystery to this one.

“There is nothing wrong with a bit of rolling around together, unless there is a part of you in the back of your mind that hopes it will become something more,” Jeffrey Sumber, psychotherapist and adjunct professor at National-Louis University, says. “Let's be honest with ourselves first. People get turned off when they find someone who says he or she just wants to hook up but then [wants] more afterwards. Many people want the truth and get frustrated when the ‘truth’ isn't the message at the outset.”

When it comes down to it, a fun little romp between the sheets just doesn’t establish anything but a physical connection.

“Both sex and relationships thrive with honesty. Be honest about whichever it is you are after, relationship or sex. If it is both, then I'd recommend beginning with connection and taking it a few notches slower on the physical plane. If a guy or girl is too impatient after a few dates, then he or she is probably not the right guy or girl for you,” Sumber says.

So come fall semester, we’re making a change. Say goodbye to constant, hopeless and empty hook-ups, and say hello to finally making a legitimate connection with that hottie at the bar.

How To Do It?
Fight the urge! Instead of going straight to the hook-up, try making out what he or she’s all about and getting to know him or her — show off your self-respect and confidence. By the end of the night, after an awesome conversation, you decide if it’s the right time for that special first kiss. Keeping him or her guessing all night long will definitely hold his or her attention, and who doesn’t like a little chase?

Scenario:
You met a fratstar last week and totally fell for him. But he only texts you when he’s drunk late at night. He’s only interested in hooking up, but you want more — you really like him. There are different ways to handle this: you can wait it out for a little and see where it goes, or play hard-to-get and say no when he calls you at 2 a.m. to come over and “hang.” In a situation like this, he’s usually only using you for a little you-know-what. If you’re looking for something more, you have to express that, otherwise things will stay just as they are, as pointless hook-ups. You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) outright say, “I want a relationship. Right now. Or else,” but you can suggest going to dinner one night or seeing a movie (outside of his Netflix account and his bedroom).

Love Resolution #3: I Won’t Jump Into A Relationship Too Quickly

"I'll take my relationships day by day.”- Alexa, JMU 

This one goes hand-in-hand with #2. We all love meeting new guys or girls with the hopes of something bigger and better coming along with him or her. But at the same time, sometimes we tend to jump too soon. Here’s how it goes: you meet a nice guy or girl, you hit it off, and you start picking out country clubs for the wedding reception. That is how it works, right? Surprisingly enough, not exactly (don’t worry, our minds were blown too). As it turns out, too much too soon can, and most likely will, scare any guy or girl off in a heartbeat.

“While I’m a fan of being honest about one’s excitement and interest, [you] need to remember that [your] enthusiasm might be a bit much for someone [you] are just getting to know,” Sumber says. While Sumber doesn’t believe in following a specific set of rules when it comes to the dating scene (waiting to for him or her to call you, no double-texting, etc.), he does add that it’s best to “give yourself some space to marinate in the experience! Allow yourself to truly feel the feelings without rushing to the next interaction.”

If you think about it from his or her perspective, wouldn’t an obsessive, stage-five clinger turn you off, especially after only meeting him or her a week ago? While this is obviously a more extreme case, it does get the point across: slow it down, and get to know him or her before you start picking out baby names.

But while you’re off trying to play it cool, even though you’re completely and utterly gushing on the inside, don’t forget to show some interest. “People like that you are interested. In fact, most people will not pursue you unless they know in no uncertain terms that you are interested,” Sumber says. So while you’re desperately attempting to ignore him or her at a party, just give up the act and shoot him or her a smile from across the room.

How To Do It?
While all the voices in your head are screaming, shouting, chanting, “Text him or her! Text him or her! Text him or her!” hold yourself back. Although it’s perfectly normal (and sane) to shoot him or her a text here and there when something reminds you of him or her (‘I saw the soccer team practicing today, you guys looked great out there’ or ‘I literally waited in line at Dunkin’ Donuts for two hours today, you’re right, I definitely should invest in my own Keurig’), don’t abuse the fact that you have his or her number, sending him or her text after text after text with no reply from his or her end. If you’re looking for something more, play it cool in the beginning to see just where this thing goes.

Waldon agrees, noting that collegiettes shouldn’t over-text or be too available. “If you have a tendency towards this type of behavior, enlist the help of a friend to help you rein it in,” she recommends. “A few basic rules of thumb: don’t text again until you receive a text back. If you tend to be an over-texter, make a pact with a friend. Either check in with the friend before you text or text your friend instead!”

Scenario:
You met a girl at a party and completely and utterly fell head-over-heels — she’s literally your dream come true. Problem is, she’s still suffering (seriously, suffering) over her recent break-up with her ex-girlfriend. You figure it’s fine;s he has to get over it eventually. So you text her saying you had fun hanging out and all that jazz. She responds, but nothing much comes from the conversation. What do you do next? While you can always go for the classic ‘I will stalk you until you decide to marry me’ move, you’re probably better off letting her come to you. She’s still heartbroken, so by throwing yourself at her, you’re only bound to become her rebound. She has to make the decision to move on on her own terms. Pushing or persuading will do nothing but hurt the situation. It’s a slow process, but if you suggest grabbing coffee together when she’s ready (something light and easy), something positive can surely arise.

Love Resolution #4: I Will Make My Relationships Work

“I'm going to be a freshman and I'm going to school [five] hours away from home where my boyfriend of two years is staying! So my love resolution is to keep my relationship as strong as possible without being able to see him often.”- Laura, University of Wisconsin 

Every year, collegiettes across the country vow to keep their boyfriend or girlfriend and to stay in a relationship during the school year. Whether you’re at the same school or 500+ miles apart, every relationship takes work. While it may seem easier just to call it quits, having a long-distance relationship in college is doable, especially with all the technology that surrounds us (shout-out to Facebook, Skype, texting and all that’s in between). But before deciding on anything this groundbreaking (I mean, choosing a new nail polish color takes tons of deliberation for us), make sure that this is not only something you want to do, but something that you should be doing.

“College is an extraordinary time — time for self-discovery and the discovery of others, and a long distance relationship can often distance a person from staying in the moment at her own college and in her own college experience,” Durvasula says. However, if you’re ready and willing to make the commitment, then you can make it work.

How To Do It?
Communication is key. You can’t be with someone if you never speak — that’s what marriage is for (totally kidding). We all have our ridiculously busy schedules (who knew college would be more taxing than anything else we’ve done thus far?), but we do have down time. While there’s the obvious phone call, Facebook message, Tweet and e-mail, Durvasula also recommends adding something a little more romantic (and foreign to our generation) to your relationship: snail mail. Just picture it: how absolutely melt-worthy adorable would it be if your boyfriend or girlfriend wrote you a handwritten letter? Yeah, we thought you’d agree.

But don’t forget to make time for your college friends — they are the people you’ll be spending the next four years making fabulous mistakes with. So how do you go about this extreme balancing act (we'd like to see Gabby Douglas try this one out) and still come out with gold? It’s all about the scheduling.

“Schedule limited Skype, FaceTime or phone time, a beginning and an end time, so you know when you will connect with your boyfriend or girlfirend, and still be able to live your life at school,” Waldon says. “Schedule time to get together, plan trips to each other’s campus and incorporate friends into at least some of that time.”

Scenario:
Since he asked you to the prom your junior year, you’ve been basically glued to your boyfriend’s hip. You’ve stuck by each other through thick and thin, but now it’s time to go your separate ways — how heart-wrenching is that? But you’ve both thought long and hard, and decided that you can defy the statistics, you can overcome the stigma and you can have a long distance relationship. So you set off to your different schools to live different lives, while still holding on to what you have as a couple. You both want to have the full college experience (whatever that is) that everyone keeps talking about. So while you Skype every Monday, Facebook chat every Wednesday in class and text almost all day long, you also make sure you’re spending time with your new college friends. One weekend, you focus on your college world, only talking to your boyfriend here and there — you update him about everything on Monday. Another weekend, one of you visits the other at his or her school, absorbing each other’s own college life. You’ve figured out your own schedule and way to have a lasting relationship, and only you two can make it work after putting in what you think is the perfect amount of effort.

So collegiettes, did we miss your love resolution for the new school year? Let us know what you’re pledging to when it comes to love this year in the comment box below!

A fresh class schedule and endless nights out with your best girls aren’t the only perks of being back on campus; you’ll also be part of the campus dating scene again!

This could be the semester when the cutie you had chemistry with in the spring finally makes a move. It could also be the time when you and your boyfriend go on the best date you’ve ever had. Whatever your romantic situation might be, going on dates is a relationship necessity. They allow you to spend time with the one you love while having a ton of fun.

To make sure you stay on your collegiette budget, here are a few wallet-friendly date ideas to keep the sparks flying.

1. Eat a picnic on the quad

An outdoor picnic is an inexpensive way to bond with your partner over some delicious food. Since everyone needs to eat and sharing a meal provides plenty of time to talk and catch up, a picnic is a smart idea. Just grab a cozy blanket, a decent-sized basket full of food and your sweetie for a fun afternoon.

Depending on what you decide to eat, the price of this date is up to you. It probably won’t cost you more than $10, unless you decide to add a bottle of wine to the mix.

To bond even more, team up to make the meal you’ll be eating at your picnic so you can spend extra time together. You might just learn something new about your partner’s eating habits or preferences while you’re getting everything prepared.

Try this date idea in September or October before it gets too chilly to enjoy a nice meal outside.

2.Host a movie night in your dorm or apartment

Watching a movie together is a classic date, but since movie nights at the theater usually cost a small fortune when combined with snacks and drinks, you can have your own movie night right on campus instead. Since you might have been used to having movie nights with your parents or sibs during the summer, it’ll be nice to curl up with your sweetie instead.

Not only is watching a movie at your own place more affordable, it’s also more comfortable and convenient. Plus, you can pause the movie if you need to for an impromptu makeout session! You can also make your own popcorn and drinks, which will definitely be much cheaper than the concession-stand prices.

As if you need any more reasons to have your own movie night, remember that you’ll be in a more intimate setting compared to being in a full theater with a bunch of other couples and families. This means that you can laugh as loud as you want or cry without being embarrassed, and if you want to lock lips, you can do so without guilt!

When deciding on a movie to watch, go for a comedy if it’s a new date to keep the mood lighthearted. For couples in long-term relationships, try a dramatic or romantic movie to amplify the atmosphere.

3.Take a stroll around campus or downtown

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of taking a nice walk outside in the crisp, cool fall air. This free, feel-good activity is an awesome way to have some small talk with your sweetie while enjoying your surroundings and some beautiful foliage. Even though being back to school may be a bittersweet reality, odds are you probably missed parts of the scenery around your campus.

Some college campuses have fitness trails with paved walkways so you can enjoy a leisurely stroll without having to navigate your own way. If you go to school in the city or at a school without walking trails, try taking a walk downtown and window-shop, or look up a state park that will have lots of nature to check out while you chat.

4. Indulge in froyo (with all the fixings!)

Satisfy your sweet tooth while spending time with your love over a cool, frozen treat. Froyo usually costs around $5, so you can treat yourself without much guilt.

You probably enjoyed froyo in the summer because of the hot weather, but now you can make going on a froyo run a study incentive when it comes to being back to school. When you’ve exhausted your flashcards and textbooks, text your crush and ask to take a froyo break together.

After you’ve swirled your favorite flavor and added only the best toppings, make sure you sit down together to enjoy some good conversation. Especially with a new partner, being able to talk together is essential so that you can get to know each other better and share what’s happening in your lives.

For dairy-free gals, look for dairy-free options at your local shop. Many froyo places offer sorbet options in addition to frozen yogurt so that everyone can enjoy something yummy!

5. Be bookworms together at a bookstore

For the bookworm couple, head over to your local bookstore for a satisfying night out. It’s nice when you and your partner connect physically and emotionally, but it’s a whole new feeling when you two can connect intellectually! Your fall semester schedule might not allow much free time for leisure reading, but purchasing a book or two isn’t a bad investment, and pleasure reading could prove to be the perfect fall break activity.

Find out if a nearby bookstore is having a book reading or an author meet and greet, which will be free and exciting. Otherwise, go on a book hunt together by exploring the shelves until you find something you both enjoy reading.

Take the romance up a notch by purchasing a book to share, and get excited to exchange thoughts and opinions about it once you’re both done reading it. This shouldn’t cost you more than $20, and the benefits of sharing a good book together will be long-lasting!

6.Get your mind working with a study date

Back to campus means back to studying (sigh), but hitting the books doesn’t have to be a punishment. Even non-exciting activities can be a little better when your sweetie is by your side. This also is a good date idea when you’re both swamped with work and can’t go on an off-campus date, yet you still want to be near each other.

It might be hard to focus on your notes when your crush is right in front of you, so don’t try this date right before finals! Instead, plan your study date on a day when you have a decent amount of work to do, but not so much that your stress will affect your attitude.

To help make studying more thrilling, make up little incentives for making progress. If you’re both reading textbooks, make a plan to have a mini makeout sesh after a certain number of pages (no, not after only two pages!) to keep yourself motivated. Do something similar if you’re reviewing notes or flashcards, except plan to have your sesh after a certain amount of time spent studying.

Another perk of having a study date is having someone to assist you when you’re studying for an exam. Flipping through flash cards on your own isn’t as exciting, so have your crush quiz you on the material. For every correct answer, reward yourself with a quick peck, and once you’ve answered all of the questions correctly, take a 15-minute break to get a coffee together. These flirty ideas will help you look forward to your studying sessions instead of dreading them!

7.Explore local museums

Looking for another educational yet inexpensive date option? Head to a local museum to learn something new and soak up some knowledge. Summertime meant taking a break from academics, but the start of fall semester means it’s time to get back into learning again. Going to museum can be a fun way to get back into the swing of things, and it’s even better with your love by your side.

A few options to explore include museums that display art, local history or world history. If you and your sweetie have something in common that you like to bond over, you can also look for a museum with exhibits and resources related to that topic.

Museums contain conversation starters everywhere you turn, so you won’t need to worry about not having anything to talk about.

The best part of this date idea is that many museums are either free or reasonably priced. You can also get a student discount at many museums, so make sure that you find out if you’re able to save by showing your student ID. Use a museum finder to explore potential options in your area.

Going on a date is a timeless and simple pleasure that’s worth the time. You don’t need to break your budget to have an awesome date night, so the next time your sweetie mentions it, go for it and test out one of these fun ideas!

Whether it’s the cute baseball player down the hall, the arty English major one floor up or the lacrosse-penney-sporting-Natty-drinking bro just two doors down, let’s face it: your college dorm is teeming with hotties of every race, creed and fraternity.  Incoming freshmen get ready: living with guys is unlike anything you’ve experienced before.  But is it wise to tap into this veritable meat market knowing there’s a risk of bumping into a foiled hook-up every time you want to walk down the hall to take a shower?  Have no fear, darling co-eds.  Use these fixes for common dormcest “pitfalls” and you’ll be plunging headfirst into intra-dorm relationships before you can say, “Hey, I live on North Campus too!”

The Pitfall: Mismatched Expectations

It’s going to be tempting to jump into romance as soon as you get on campus and realize you have hot guys living next door.  Even the girl with the most self-control can have trouble resisting such romantic convenience.  But take it from Kelsey*, a collegiette who got involved with a guy in her dorm right off the bat, it’s better to wait.

“Right away I thought Tyler* was cute. After our first meeting, I started to see him all the time around the dorm. We ‘hung out’ quite a few times in the next couple of weeks, but it was nothing more than friends with benefits. One time, we were messing around and he wanted to have sex but I said no.  He understood, but after that incident we were completely awkward around each other.”

When a gal gets involved with a guy quickly, it can be difficult for both parties involved to know what the expectations for the hook-up are.  It’s especially important to get these straight with a guy in your dorm — the possibilities of after-hookup awkwardness are that much greater (think a 24/7 Walk of Shame). 

The fix?  Spend a couple weeks just getting to know the guys in your dorm before you take it to a physical level — you’ll have a better sense of what they’re looking for (and what you’re looking for too).  And hey, there is no crime in looking!

The Pitfall: He Sees You at Your Best . . . and Your Not-So-Best

You know the feeling you get when you decide you’re interested in a guy: you’re consumed by the constant compulsion to touch-up your lip gloss, you put your girlfriends on a 24 hour “crushwatch” (so you can look like you are NOT trying at all times) and you actually start waking up to shower before class.  While we’ve all succumbed to this Secret Girl Behavior (which we guess is no longer secret), living with the guy you’re interested in poses a whole new set of challenges.  Your same-dorm stud will without a doubt see you at least once in each of the following situations:

1. walking to the shower in your towel, acne medication (or worse) in hand,
2. coming upstairs to your room at 3 am with a huge pepperoni pizza and no visible friends to share it with, and
3. having a loud and embarrassing phone conversation with your mother in the stairwell (“MOM, I told you I do NOT EAT TUNA FISH!  STOP SENDING IT TO ME!”)

The fix?  Well, there really isn’t one.  Living in close proximity to the boy of your dreams means that he’ll get pretty comfortable with your less-than-perfect habits pretty quickly.  Learn to crack a joke when he catches you, and at least this way there are no surprises about you in store for him down the road.

The Pitfall: Non-Exclusivity and Shared Living Space

So you’ve started getting busy on a semi-regular basis with a hottie on your hall.  Congrats!  While a late-night rendezvous is much more convenient when only a few yards separate you from your boy-du-jour, there comes a time when you (or he) may long for a romance outside the dormitory walls.  So what do you do when your dormcestual dude catches you coming back with another guy?  Or you see him coming back with another girl?  Without the promise of exclusivity, these can be quite the sticky situations.

The fix?  If you see your guy bringing back another girl, you’ll want to quietly and calmly go back to your room, or better yet, a girlfriend’s room.  This is not the time for loud, confrontational displays a la The Bad Girls’ Club or one of the many iterations of Flavor of Love.  If in the morning you find that you are still disturbed by the thought of your non-exclusive guy with another girl, it may be time to grit your teeth and have the “talk."

Now if your guy sees you coming back with, well, another guy, be prepared for him to be upset.  Again, try to avoid any scenes.  You’re not technically in the wrong, so leave it up to him to say something later — but know that he may not have anything to say to you at all.  Remember that the proximity inherent in dormcest can be a cost as well as a benefit, since there’s really no avoiding each other.

The Pitfall: Keeping Dormcest Relationships Fresh

Real, exclusive, dormcest relationships can and do work.  But they require a bit of an extra effort to reach normalcy.  For example, it’s not normal to move in with a guy after dating for two weeks, but when you already essentially live together, it can be hard to find that separation you need in the early stages of the relationship.  Ava* reveals that her biggest problem with her boyfriend who lived in her dorm was that “we went from zero to living together in the span of about a week.”  Charlotte* echoes her sentiment: “Being in the same dorm meant the only time my boyfriend and I had to spend apart was when we had class.” 

It’s easy to get caught up in such a convenient romance, spending Friday nights cuddled up with your guy watching Friends reruns while your actual friends are out wondering if you’ve chosen to study abroad this semester without telling them. 

The fix? Make an effort to develop friends and interests that take you out of the dorm — that way if your romance ends, your life won’t!  Relationship expert Dr. Shoshanna advises against falling into “dead routines” in a relationship.  If every Saturday you and your guy spend the afternoon playing video games with his friends on his hall, eat dinner in your dorm’s attached dining hall and watch movies in your room at night, break out!  Take a walk around campus in the afternoon, try a new restaurant, go to a party you normally wouldn’t attend.  It will keep you and your romance fresh!

The Pitfall: Dormcest Doesn’t Last Forever

If your dormcestual relationship has an unhappy end, it can be tricky to navigate the post-breakup waters.  If you’re close to the end of the year, congrats!  You won’t have to awkwardly co-habitate much longer.  But if you’re not so lucky, seeing your ex-flame at (literally) every turn can really take a toll on your psyche.

The fix?  Throw yourself into activities outside the dorm.  Do the same things you would do at the end of any relationship, but especially try to put yourself into situations where you won’t be spending excessive amounts of time wallowing in your room, only to bump into your ex walking to the vending machines to get a soda when you venture out of your room sporting your rattiest sweatpants and mascara tears, natch.  If you’ve really got to do the full-on waterworks, watch-The-Notebook-and-eat-a-pint-of-Ben-and-Jerry’s routine, consider moving the party to a girlfriend’s room in another dorm. Speaking with a friend earning their counseling degree might also be helpful. Above all, keep your head up, and know that there are infinitely more eligible bachelors outside your dorm than in it.

Now, perhaps you’re thinking, with all these pitfalls, why would I ever want to brave dormcest territory?  Girls, it really can be sweet, all risks aside.  Here are the top five perks of dormcest:

1. Your fingers will never freeze in sub-zero January temperatures on your way to see your boy-toy.
2. You probably have a lot of the same friends that live in your dorm, thus, making social plans together is easy.
3. Good day, bad day: He’s always going to be down the hall (or up the stairs).
4. If your man is of the Spencer Pratt variety, it’ll be much easier to keep tabs on him.  (But please don’t put up with these shenanigans in the first place.)
5. You’ll never have to do the Walk of Shame across campus.

*Names have been changed.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I recently met a guy at a friend's house. We talked for a while, and the next day he started a conversation with me on Facebook. After talking for a few days, he disappeared. Last week, I saw him again and he seemed like he was trying to get my attention. The day after, he asked me to hang out at his place, so I did. We drank a little bit of wine and watched a few movies. After a few hours, he asked me if it would be a problem if I stayed the night because it was getting late, and I agreed. 

He hugged me all night long and only kissed me on the head. He didn't try anything else. The next day, he agreed to come to a friend's house, but there he was quite distanced. The next morning (today), he sent me a message as soon as he got up. I don't know what to think or do. Is he interested or not? What do you think? I really like this guy, but I don't know how to approach him and I don't want to get hurt again. – Not Sure at Northwestern

Northwestern,

I think it’s definitely safe to say that he’s interested, and, in all honesty, I think he was just trying to respect your boundaries and not pressure you into anything. And given the current climate of rape culture in college communities — issues of consent and the like — I think the fact that he’s not pushing you into having sex right off the bat is an admirable thing. When you’re interested in someone, it isn’t always the easiest thing to back off.

As for why he disappeared for a few days, it’s reasonable to imagine that he might have been busy. Just because I like a girl doesn’t mean I need to talk to her every single day to prove so. You two talked for a few days and then took a few days off — that’s normal. Even better, he made the effort to get your attention and asked you to hang out! That’s practically proof that he’s interested.

All that said, I’m not sure what you mean by “quite distanced.” He may have had other things on his mind, or he may have even regretted not making more of a move with you that night, perhaps for the sole reason of wondering if you wanted him to do more. It’s a tricky mindset, but there have been plenty of occasions when I’ve talked to a girl and left before things fully … developed … and the next morning, I kicked myself for not doing anything.

On the upside, he’s still talking to you. I’m sure he’s interested in you, and if you’re interested in him, maybe you need to consider making a few steps yourself. He asked you to stay over, and now I think the ball is in your court. Shoot him a text to see if he wants to grab lunch or hang out again, and if you feel like things are progressing — or if you want them to progress — go for it.

If you really want him to make all the moves (and he’s just not doing so), start dropping hints. Tell him when you’re available or ask him what he’s doing today without actually asking him out. That can snowball into him seeing if your schedule is clear enough for a get-together.

Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” Approach him. Take your shot, or you may end up missing out on a great thing entirely.

So you and your significant other have been together for a while now, and you couldn’t be more perfect for each other. You’ve often talked about how awesome it would be to live together, and this fall, you’re finally doing it! Now, spending quality time as a couple is a piece of cake.

However, although you’ve put a lot of thought into this decision, you may start to run into problems you hadn’t anticipated, like arguing over the dirty dishes or dealing with your friends’ disapproval. Luckily, HC is here to help with advice from relationship experts and tips from other collegiettes who know exactly what you’re going through!

1. The problem: You never have time to yourself

When you live with your significant other, you already see him or her all the time at home. Add to that going out together on dates and hanging out with mutual friends, and you might find yourself craving alone time. But even if you’re perfectly happy spending that much time with your SO, your friends might complain that they never see you two separately anymore.

Noelani Nasser, a senior at the University of California, Los Angeles, lived with her boyfriend this past summer. “When we first moved in together, we were so comfortable with each other that we didn't know how to do things on our own while the other was also in the apartment,” she says.

Learning how to balance the time you spend with and without your SO is a difficult process. “As in any relationship, it can be important to have some time to yourself,” says Lesli Doares, a marriage and relationship coach. “Given the intensity of college, this can be a challenge due the closed nature of the campus; your friends and activities can be more intertwined [than after college].”

How to handle it

As much as you love your partner, being together constantly can be overwhelming, “especially when you are young and starting to discover who you are,” says Neely Steinberg, a dating coach. “You should be sure to carve out both alone time and time to be with friends, try new activities or join clubs, etc. [sans your SO].”

If you’re worried about spending too much time away from your SO, just remember that balance is key. “There is no reason to worry about ‘neglecting’ your SO if the two of you are reasonable about how much time you spend apart and together,” Doares says. “Each of you may have your own ideas about how much time that is, but that is why productive communication skills are essential.”

If you and your SO realize that you’re spending too much time together for your relationship to stay healthy, try to put things in perspective. “My boyfriend and I talked it out,” Noelani says. “We realized that roommates, or people who live together, do things independently sometimes.” The couple did just that, and it worked out perfectly for them. “He is teaching himself how to play the guitar and keyboard while I'm at work during the week,” she says. “Also, we both just hang out in the apartment sometimes reading on our own or using our computers. So basically we are both at home, but not necessarily hanging out together.”

Not only will you benefit from taking this time for you, but so will your relationship. Make a point of doing your own thing from time to time so that you can come home and appreciate your partner all the more for it.

2. The problem: You can’t stand your partner’s annoying habits

So you and your SO are well past the honeymoon phase, and you think you know everything about each other – good and bad. But living with someone is a new experience that can bring out aspects of a person that you hadn’t necessarily noticed before, including annoying habits.

Heather Baldock, a senior at the University of Oregon, moved in with her boyfriend about a year ago, partly because splitting a studio apartment cost much less than living in her previous apartment. “Studio apartments are SO small, and you notice each other's flaws like crazy,” Heather says. “But even more so, you notice your own flaws.”

Even if your new living arrangement is working well for you, there are bound to be new arguments that arise, however trivial. “This is always a challenge for people sharing living quarters,” Doares says. “Add in the romantic component, and things can get sticky. Without a productive way of handling disagreements, the resentment and anger can spill over and undermine the health of the relationship.”

How to handle it

First of all, don’t freak out when you start noticing your SO’s flaws as well as your own. “Understand that every couple deals with this,” Steinberg says. “When you are thinking about [your SO’s] annoying habits or flaws, counter them with all the things that you love about [your SO] and are thankful for.”

When you live with someone so close to you, you have to be tolerant and levelheaded. “The most important advice I can give is to be willing to learn about yourself, your SO and how the relationship is and is not working,” Doares says.

But most of all, you should always communicate with your partner honestly and calmly. “It may be hard, it may be scary, it may be uncomfortable, but dealing with the issues straight on is the only way to reach resolution,” Doares says.

This method worked for Heather and her boyfriend. “We had to be very comfortable with each other,” she says. “If we had any arguments, we learned to address them upfront, which actually helped us work through a lot of issues. And after you both realize you're flawed, you learn how to cooperate and communicate effectively.”

If the housework is the main issue you’re facing, efficient communication is also key. “[Your SO] may have no idea that you care so much about not leaving dirty dishes in the sink,” Steinberg explains. “People aren't mind-readers! Once he knows about your requests and why they are important to you, you can come up together with ways to deal with the situation.”

If you both agree on a system for doing housework and stick to it, neither of you will get frustrated over chores anymore. Megan Johnson, a recent graduate from the University of California, Los Angeles, and her fiancé managed to distribute their chores fairly among the two of them. “David actually cooks all of our dinners, which takes a while because sometimes he makes elaborate meals,” she explains. “I do the dishes and laundry. In the end, the work pretty much balances out.”

3. The problem: You’re losing your romantic spark

Both spending too much time together with your SO and bickering over the housework can cause your romance to suffer. You might find yourselves making fewer efforts to maintain your spark: going out less, taking less care of your appearance or having less sex, for instance.

“Unresolved issues around chores and other household duties often play out in the level and frequency of intimacy,” Doares says. “Living together can result in taking the other person for granted and not seeing them as a romantic partner.”

Sam Elder, a junior at Virginia Commonwealth University, moved in with his boyfriend last fall. “We kept talking about how wonderful seeing each other all the time would be,” Sam says, “Quickly, I realized that things started to come between us; we always fought about splitting different bills, contributing to the household and the lack of intimacy that we so dreadfully missed.”

How to handle it

This problem is a part of any healthy long-term relationship, and isn’t something you should worry about too much. “The key here is to recognize that when you live with someone, it definitely changes the nature of the relationship,” Steinberg says. “It’s important not to see that as a bad thing – it’s the nature of going from romantic love to companionate love.”

And if the problems you and your SO has been having are sexual, keep in mind that “for a couple, especially a couple who lives together and has been together for a while, sex can't always be mind-blowing and like a scene from a Hollywood rom-com,” Steinberg says. “But certainly you can find ways to also make it fun and spontaneous.”

Whatever the intimacy issue you are dealing with, the solution is always to “be open and talk about your fears,” Steinberg advises. “Getting it off your chest with your partner is important, otherwise you can harbor resentment, which may lead to an explosion over something tiny and insignificant.”

But although your intimacy might evolve negatively in some ways, “perhaps you also will find new ways that your intimacy deepens,” Steinberg says. And we wish you nothing less!

4. The problem: Your friends and family criticize your lifestyle

You made the decision to move in with your SO, and you’re happy and confident with it. Way to go! Unfortunately, chances are not everyone in your life will be supportive of that. Heather says she and her boyfriend faced a lot of resistance when they decided to move in together. Although her family continues to hint at marriage, most of the criticism actually came from Heather’s friends. “Some told me it would be a huge mistake and ruin our relationship,” she says.

How to handle it

If you’re comfortable with your choice, there’s no reason to be affected by others’ criticism. But that’s often easier said than done, especially when the criticism comes from the people closest to you: your friends and family. You should prepare yourself to hear their concerns and keep in mind that they only want what’s best for you, even if it comes out the wrong way.

“Many couples may get feedback about getting too serious too soon and missing out on the college experience,” Doares says. “There may also be judgment about the morality of this choice.”

Try your best not to get offended or angry. Instead, Steinberg advises you sit down with your parents or friends. “Tell them that they need to trust your decisions as an adult, that it's important for them to support you, that you didn't come to the decision lightly and that you're adult enough to deal with the consequences,” she says.

5. The problem: You’re breaking up before the end of your lease

Judging by the experiences of the students we talked to, living with your SO in college can work out incredibly well. But realistically, you should keep in mind the possibility of you two breaking up before the end of your lease. And unfortunately, “this may be delayed past a natural due date because you are living together,” Doares says.

That’s what happened to Sam and his ex-boyfriend. “I was the only one to sign the lease,” Sam says. “After a pretty messy breakup this spring, we had to decide which of us could afford to stay there by ourselves. My ex chose to stay, while I moved in with a few of my friends. This resulted in numerous arguments and ridiculous situations; he once refused to give me bill money because I had a pair of his shorts that he wanted!”

For Doares, this difficult situation adds extra strain to an already painful breakup. “This is a real problem for you both from a financial and emotional perspective,” she says. “If you both signed the lease, there will be a financial cost to breaking it. If only one of you is on the lease, the other will have to find a new place to live.” And both of these options are far from ideal.

How to handle it

Thankfully, there are measures you can take to avoid breaking up. “Talk, talk, talk to each other when fears, worries or frustrations arise,” Steinberg says. “Say, ‘I feel hurt and confused when you do X, Y or Z’ instead of, ‘you do this and you do that.’ Be humble – recognize that you have faults and flaws, too. Remind yourself of why you fell in love with him or her in the first place.”

But if you do end up breaking up, how well you deal with this tough situation is ultimately up to you. “You'll definitely have to talk calmly and rationally about who stays and who goes and what to do about the remaining rent,” Steinberg says.

In order to prevent a situation like Sam’s, “it is a good idea to have both people's names on the lease so that if you do break up, you're both responsible for the remaining rent,” Steinberg says. This could make the circumstances that much better.

If your ex refuses to pay his or her remaining share of the rent, you might consider involving your landlord or getting legal help. “It depends what it’s worth to you,” Steinberg says. “If you have the time, energy and money, you could certainly get into a legal battle. If your partner can’t pay, you could ask that he or she find a replacement. ... It’s definitely a sticky situation.”

Moving in with your significant other is a big step to take, but you knew that already! Although you’re likely to come across some rough patches, working through them appropriately will only strengthen your relationship.

For Megan, “it is really important to move in with your significant other if you are in a serious relationship and if there is any possibility that you could be marrying them someday,” she says. “If living together doesn't work out, then how is a marriage going to?”

Heather has a slightly different opinion. “I've had friends who have cohabited before, and there's no right or wrong answer,” she says. “Every relationship is different, and cohabitation isn't for everyone! However, for us it really worked. You have to be mature and mindful.”

Good luck, collegiettes; we wish you all the best!

Say so long to your high school guys, and HEL-LOOO to college boys. As a freshman girl, eligible cuties seems to be everywhere – and guess what? They’re all looking at you. The attention can be fun, but when it comes down to it, the dating game in college is one that you’ll learn a lot about as time goes on – you might not be a pro right off the bat. To get started, Her Campus has put together a list of the DOs and DON’Ts of college dating. Who, you ask, knew there was such a science behind college guys, anyway? Aren’t they just a bunch of sex-hungry dudes? Well, maybe, but there might be a little bit more to it. Here are the guidelines of how to deal with the ones who are, and the ones who aren’t. Read ‘em and weep, girls.

DO make friends with the guys on your floor. These guys will be super fun to hang out with once they get to know each other well, and you’ll be the cool girl who can get in on that action when you need a break from girl drama. On top of it, you might really connect with one of them.

DON’T rush into anything, though. Hooking up with one or two of your hallmates within the first few days of school, however, is a definite no-no. When tempted to engage in “dormcest,” remind yourself that you’re going to have to face him – as well as everyone else on your floor, because they’re going to find out – for the rest of the year, no matter how good or bad your hook-up was.

DON’T write anybody off too soon. Just because he’s sitting alone and doesn’t speak to anyone in the class doesn’t mean he’s a total lunatic. If you’re interested, all it takes is a slow pack-up-and-hang-back after class to initiate conversation.

DO go out to meet people. Find out where the hot spots are each night of the week(end), and make sure to show up every once in a while. As a new student, you’ll get a feel for student life and get exposed to every kind of guy – frat boys, athletes, pre-meds, business students and artsy guys, too.

DON’T stay in talking to your high school boyfriend every night. If you’ve broken up, there was a reason, and now is the time to move on. Your freshman year is meant for new beginnings, not dwelling on old relationships. Phone calls between Texas and Massachusetts won’t bring you back together – it’ll only keep you from meeting new people that are just beyond your dorm room door.

DO start off slowly if you’re not used to dating or just got out of a relationship. Study hall or dining hall dates count, too! As casual as these settings are, it can be a great place to get to know a guy or meet someone new. Take it easy if you’re just getting your feet wet with the whole dating game, and don’t feel a need to rush into anything intense.

DON’T go out every single night. A little mystery never hurt anyone… and it’ll do wonders for your grades, too. A mother’s wisest words – if guys see you going out night after night, how will they ever get to miss you? Show face as often as you can without being that girl that everyone expects to run into.

DO look around your classes for guys. If they’re showing up for class at all, then you know they’ve at least got something going for them. And hey, maybe he’s even smart and organized enough for you to make him your “study buddy.” Study dates are pretty much the best dates most college girls can hope for within the first month or so of school (news flash: college guys are usually cheap).

DON’T make him think you’re interested if you’re not just because you don’t want the perks to go away. It’s not fair to the guy if you’re just not that into him, but you keep him around because he’s, like, obsessed with you. The puppy dog thing will get old after a while, leaving him feeling stupid/angry and you feeling unfulfilled, annoyed and guilty – not to mention that other guys you might actually become interested in will get the wrong idea.

DO engage in a random hook-up (safely), if you want to. They’re part of the college lifestyle, and you can choose if you want to engage in them or not (certainly, you can avoid making out with the guy you’ve been dancing with all night if you’re just not that into it). It’s up to you to decide if that’s your style, but know that it happens and it doesn’t have to be scandalous or “slutty” – but just, in fact, kind of fun. As long as you’re not going crazy by swapping saliva with every guy you lay eyes on, random hook-ups can be fun and can lead to date parties, formals and maybe even a real date! If nothing else, at least you can get an exciting night or two out of them — just make sure to stay safe and keep your friends posted on your whereabouts.

DON’T count on them turning into anything serious. Most of the time, dance-floor make-outs (DFMO’s) start and finish on the dance floor and only go as far as a phone number swap. Take these experiences for what they are, and don’t think he’s fallen in love with you simply because he’s been attached to your mouth all night.

DO accept invitations/initiations from older guys. Attention from upperclassmen is surely a plus in any freshman’s book, because they’re seasoned. They know what’s up in this whole college world, and it can be quite nice to have a hot, older guy show you the ropes – he’ll let you know what parties are happening, bring you to date parties, introduce you to his friends and be a pretty face to show up in your tagged pictures on Facebook. That said, don’t feel the need to hook up with him purely because he’s “older and wiser…” because he may just turn out to be pretty stupid.

DON’T feel pressured to have sex. No, we can’t be certain that what all guys are looking for is sex, but that’s definitely a part of college hook-ups. He might want it and he might even ask for it, but if you’re uncomfortable, it’s not up to you to give it to him. Know your boundaries and ask him – whether you know him well or not – to respect your boundaries; if he doesn’t, walk away.

DO avoid those guys that hook up with your entire group of friends. There are always the guys that have no qualms about coming in between a group of girl friends just to get some action. He has no problem with hooking up with each one of your friends by jumping from one to the next. He might have no idea that what he’s doing is hurting your relationships with your friends, but it’s up to you guys to stop him by cutting him out of the equation.

DON’T get too attached to said upperclassmen. He’s graduating sooner than you are, and he knows it. Upperclassmen usually aren’t in it for the long haul when they seek out a freshman girl that they’d like to hook up with. Just because he’s lent you a bunch of attention one night, don’t assume that he’ll be chasing after you for the rest of the semester.

DO be open to going on dates with anyone. That is, of course, presuming that dates aren’t obsolete anymore. While a lot of guys don’t even have the courtesy to take a girl out for dinner – or even coffee?! – there are some who like to kick it old school and go for the dinner and a movie. If you’re looking for companionship of any kind, there’s no reason to refuse a casual invitation to lunch or dinner.

DON’T expect him to take you out to fancy meals all the time. But at the same time, know that college culture is changing, and going out on the “dates” we see happening in movies or the ones we hear about from our parents simply doesn’t happen anymore, for the most part. These guys are most likely on a budget, so fancy dinner dates aren’t always an option. There’s nothing wrong with a nice fro-yo in the quad, though!

DON’T count on finding a boyfriend right away. Keep in mind that as many hotties as you see on a regular basis, most of them aren’t right for you. It’s about finding the right one that’s interested in having the same type of relationship that you are, no matter what type that may be. Also, be wary of becoming BF-GF with someone on Day 1 of orientation. Do some exploring before you settle on one guy to get hot and heavy with right away.

DO start a relationship if you find someone special. Maybe you’ll find him on day one of classes, or maybe it’ll take until senior year for you to realize that the guy you’ve been friends with all along suddenly seems like he’s ready to take the plunge with you. But if it feels right, don’t hold back, and find a way to make it work.

DO know that people move on quickly in college. Hook-ups last for any length of time – you can be attached to one particular guy for several months, or only for a matter of days and it can still be considered “hooking up.” Go figure. At any rate, don’t be surprised if a guy has eyes for you on Thursday and then you spot him spitting game to another girl on Saturday. Don’t get jealous or crazy and be that girl who slaps him in the middle of the party. Instead, try to figure out what he’s interested in before you hook up with him, so you know what to expect from him after the fact.

DON’T hold back if you want something more out of a hook-up. If you silence yourself, you’ll only end up unhappy and wasting your time. He may not be taking your relationship as seriously as you wished he would if it started out as a random hook-up. If your feelings intensify and you want to take it to the next level, let him know and don’t make him guess. If you’re afraid of scaring him off, leave your feelings on the table and the situation open-ended. This is his relationship too, and you don’t wish to monopolize it, so ask him what it is that he wants out of it. Chances are that otherwise he won’t just guess that you want to be treated to romantic dinners and you’ll just end up getting frustrated and angry.

DO try to meet guys without a gaggle of girls surrounding you. While girls’ night out is always one of the best nights of the week, do try to distance yourself from your pack of besties for a little bit each night. No guy wants to approach you if your six best friends are by your side eyeing him with those girly judgmental glares.

DON’T get left places alone or go home with a guy you don’t know…and having made out with him all night doesn’t make him any more familiar. If you do manage to separate from your girlfriends for a few minutes, keep in touch with them to make sure they’re not leaving the club/bar/party without you. It’s risky to leave with a guy you’ve just met – especially if one of his friends who “didn’t drink tonight” is driving – even if he seems genuine. Exchange numbers instead, and stay with your girlfriends.

College will open doors for you in the way of the dating scene, but it always helps to take things slowly and be wary. Stay grounded and always question people’s intentions, while making sure that your own are as clear as crystal. Your future boyfriend is out there somewhere, whether he’s sitting next to you in class or isn’t even enrolled at your school. And you’ll find him, too... you just may have to kiss a few frogs first and have a lot of single and mingling fun.

Arguably one of the best parts of college is being surrounded by thousands of campus cuties there for the picking. Talk about having plenty of fish in the sea—it’s like our own sushi buffet. Some hook-ups are downright awesome, while others may be cringeworthy and something you plan on keeping on the D.L. for, well, ever. However, there are certain hook-ups most of us can’t help but be guilty of.

1. The “Friends With Benefits” Hook-up

This is as classic as it gets: You guys are buddies, and that’s never gonna change. But at one point or another, you realize how attractive he is. And how cute his smile is. And dang, he has a nice butt!

When it’s just the two of you, you have such an amazing sexual chemistry. And the second you’re back with your friends, it’s like nothing has changed (and you didn’t just spend an hour making out on the couch; your hair just looks like that because it’s windy out).

Watch out for the signs that it’s not working out anymore, though. You may have to decide whether you want your friend or your hook-up buddy more.

2. The Sober Hook-up

Nothing says, “I think you’re attractive and I like making out with you” like a sober booty call. It’s almost an entirely sexual relationship, but that’s totally fine by you. Whether it’s a quickie after class or a phone conversation that basically goes, “You free?” “Yeah.” “Wanna have sex?” “Yeah,” it’s fun, convenient and downright primal. There’s not really much to your relationship other than that, and you’re both entirely aware of and okay with that.

The sober booty calls usually only last for so long until you realize hooking up in daylight with someone you have no feelings for just isn’t cutting it for you anymore.

3. The Drunken Hook-up

This one is much more common than its sober counterpart. It’s 3 a.m., you get the “Heyyyyy. You out?” text and it’s game over… or game on, depending on how you want to look at it.

You probably don’t talk to this person at all during the day. You could really care less about how the other’s day went. And you’re not even sure what he or she is majoring in. But you know this hook-up buddy has a good body and is good at using it, so the late-night calls and texts are welcomed and expected. You just head out from wherever you are and get your groove on, because what is college without the occasional drunken booty call?

4. The Potential Boyfriend Hook-up

This isn’t just any hook-up. Something about him is different, kinda perfect and basically everything you ever wanted out of a man. The only problem is you’re not sure if he’s looking for anything more than a casual hook-up, and you’re scared of ruining things. So you act like you don’t have feelings for him and ignore the butterflies you feel every time he laughs at one of your jokes. Usually this goes on for a few more months until it slowly fizzles out and he moves on to someone else. Sigh.

5. The (S)ex Hook-up

Maybe you and your ex broke up a long time ago, or maybe it’s only been a few weeks. But regardless, you know it’s never going to work out between the two of you. But you also know that you guys have GREAT sex. It’d be a real shame to give that up, right?

Just be careful that things don’t get too complicated. For the most part, this either reignites a relationship, which will most likely end for the same reasons it did before, or you both realize you’ve been pretending you’re still dating and it’s really not working. But it’s fun while it lasts!

6. The Hot Stranger

You’ve both been guilty of daydreaming in class of what the other would look like naked, and you’ve definitely both caught each other checking the other out. Or maybe you pass each other on the street every Wednesday on your way to Starbucks. Either way, you finally get around to hooking up, and it’s probably pretty average. He’s actually kind of jerk. Or, he’s really strange and you can’t get over the stuffed animals on his bed staring at you while you do your thing (*shudders*). Or maybe it really is as great as you thought it would be! Either way, it’s usually a one-night stand, and that’s basically what you expected.

7. The Awkward Morning After

You wake up the next morning and avoid opening your eyes for as long as possible so you don’t have to acknowledge what happened last night. Maybe it was an insanely awkward or horrible experience. Or maybe the person lying next to you should really not be lying next to you (aka your best friend’s ex-boyfriend). Regardless, it’s an unspoken agreement that your night together is better left a secret to the world as you both slowly try to forget.

These hook-ups are never fun, but these happen to the best of us. Just don’t make a habit out of these, because it’s oh so awkward passing each other on campus and giving the courtesy head nod. But you’ll just say the initial post-hook-up “hi,” like ripping off a Band-Aid, and most likely spend the rest of the semester acting like it never happened.

Casual hook-ups are a part of college—probably one of the most fun parts! Sure, there are some that we would probably rather pretend never happened, but the ones that are mind-blowingly awesome are well worth it. No regrets!

Alright, so you’re single. Even if all your friends have boyfriends or even if you just got out of a relationship yourself, there’s nothing wrong with flying solo. In fact, walking into a new semester of college without a significant other may just be the best choice you’ve ever made! Don’t believe us? Read on for our reasons for why starting a new school year single is full of perks!

1. You can be the grade-A student you always wanted to be

A new school year always means a fresh start with plenty of chances for academic success. Whether you’re setting a goal for a higher GPA or trying to land your dream internship, starting the semester strong is crucial. Without the distraction of a significant other, you can spend the first few weeks of school developing good study habits and creating a productive schedule.

“Being single at the start of the semester allows you to really dive into your classes and schedule and get grounded in a structured way,” says Lesli Doares, marriage consultant and author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. “Getting set in a routine will free you up to have fun and interact with others in a way that supports your academic experience, not undermining it.”

In fact, Kendra, a junior at Colorado State University, says some of her highest semester GPAs came from the semesters when she was single. “I was able to study all the time because I didn’t feel guilty about not spending time with a boyfriend, and I never felt judged about all my studying,” she says.

We all know that studying isn’t always the most fun activity, but you are in college to get an education, after all. So don’t be afraid to hit the books and unleash your inner nerd, collegiettes!

2. You can be a social butterfly

Being single never has to mean being lonely. In fact, one of the biggest perks of entering a new semester single is the ability to branch out socially. As a single lady, you have the time to reconnect with old friends or even invest time into some new ones. With no one else to worry about, you can make Carrie Bradshaw proud with fabulous girls’ nights out on the weekend or spend some quality time with a good, old-fashioned sleepover complete with movies and popcorn.

“I actually prefer being single,” says Elizabeth, a senior at Alabama State University. “As a single girl, I get the weeks to myself and have the whole weekend to spend time with my girlfriends. We can go out to clubs, get drinks or just hang out and watch movies. I feel like I would miss out on a lot of that if I was in a relationship.”

Being single isn’t a death sentence to your social life, but rather an opportunity to really live it up! Take this chance to make new friends, make old friendships stronger and flaunt that single girl status. 

3. You can take time for yourself

They say that college is all about discovering who you are, and that’s going to require spending some time alone. While it may seem a little daunting, don’t be afraid to use the fresh start of a new year to get in some quality “you time.”  

“Being single allows you to really immerse yourself in you,” Doares says. “Being single in college allows you to focus on yourself and your goals without the distraction of making room for someone else’s goals and agenda. You get to do things your way and in your time frame without feeling judged on an intimate level. Your attention isn’t split by what could be oppositional desires.”

With plenty of freedom and time to yourself, you can figure out what you want from a relationship, a career and your future.

“I spent most of my college career in a series of relationships,” says Katie, a senior at the University of South Carolina. “It wasn’t until I spent some time single that I kind of figured out what was actually important to me and what I wanted for the rest of my life.”

4. You’re free to try new things

Take advantage of your time alone to explore new hobbies, new places and new interests. Have you ever wanted to take up yoga or Pilates? Have you ever wished that you could cook like a Food Network star? Have you ever dreamed of the days where you could actually make those crafts on your Pinterest board? Then go for it! Riding solo is the perfect time to delve into all of those fun activities and interests you wish you would have tried earlier.

“I feel like a lot of girls think that being single is a time to wallow around until you find your next boyfriend, but I totally disagree,” says Johanna, a junior at the University of Michigan. “When you’re single, you should stay busy with fresh and exciting things. Learn how to cook, start going to an exercise class, learn a new language, travel to somewhere you’ve never been or anything else that you’ve always wished you could do or discover.”

We aren’t going to lie; sometimes being single can be hard. But a semester as a fabulous, single collegiette can be fantastic!

The beginning of fall semester can be stressful. Everything from making sure your pens from last year still have ink, to picking up your textbooks, moving in to your new room, choosing an outfit worthy of the first day of class and, most importantly, an outfit that shows off how much hotter, tanner and fitter you have gotten over the summer for last semester’s crush. However, an outfit can only do so much.

Your crush from spring semester may have been a guy you hooked up with a few times but weren’t “hooking up with,” or maybe something a little more serious, or maybe just a love-from-afar kind of crush that you never had the guts to do anything about. 

While you may be tempted to hide behind the nearest building when you first see him on campus, instead try some of these effective and, at times, very strategic flirting tips from my two suave friends, a senior at Cornell and a sophomore at UNC Chapel Hill (let’s call them Jake* and Sam*). 

Scenario 1: You end up next to each other in line at the dining hall.

Do not keep talking to your girl friend and pretend like you have somehow managed not to notice he is standing right next to you; otherwise the next 10 minutes are about to be the most painstakingly awkward moments of your life. Instead, embrace the nervous excitement churning in your stomach and say hello. Have the regular post-summer conversation, like updates on internships and vacations, and at some point casually slip in a compliment.

Jake suggests, “Compliment him on a summer improvement. If he had a really cool summer job tell him, ‘That sounds so interesting,’ or if he explains he went to the beach say, ‘I can tell, you look really tan.’ If you can’t think of anything creative, just genuinely smile and tell him ‘You look good!’ Then he will walk away from the conversation thinking about you, thinking about him looking good. It will definitely turn him on and get him thinking about your chemistry last spring.”  

Scenario 2: You walk into your classroom and discover him sitting in the third row.

As endless weeks of steamy study sessions and excuses to meet up before and after class start flashing before your eyes, compose yourself and focus on finding a strategic seat.

If it’s a big lecture, Jake says you should, “Sit behind him a few rows back and a little to the side, so you can catch him checking you out. On the first day of class, guys love to sit and watch all the girls coming in to the classroom and get excited about all the new hot girls they will have excuses to spend time with.”

Plus, if you sit in front of him, you will most likely feel extremely self-conscious and imagine he is staring at your love handles or that stain on the back of your shirt you thought no one would notice. After class, text him something like: “I noticed we have [blank] class together, this should be a good semester.” It will have him excitedly wondering if you meant “good” because of him, or because of the syllabus.

If it’s a smaller, more intimate class setting like a seminar, Sam says, “You definitely want to be in the same row and within conversation distance. It would be awkward if you sat too far away because you will obviously both acknowledge each other’s presence. Have a friendly conversation and act really excited to have a class together, and shoot him flirtatious smiles throughout the class whenever the professor says something funny or interesting.”

Scenario 3: You wave to each other crossing the quad but it’s too awkward of a distance to have a conversation.

This is the perfect time for a first text. A few minutes after you saw each other, text him: “Too bad I missed you. We should catch up soon.” You don’t need to be overly flirtatious here, and you may be tempted to add a smiley emoticon for an obvious clue that you still like him.

However, Jake has pretty strong feelings about emoticons: “Emoticons are boner killers.” This might not be the same for all guys, but a smile is insinuated without a colon and a parenthesis. Hopefully he will text you back, and if so, follow the tips explained in Scenario 4.

Scenario 4: He texts you out of the blue.

Don’t freak out, but this may be the single most important thing to ever happen to you. Just kidding – sort of. The fact that he texted you without any stimulant on your end shows that he has been thinking about seeing you and is excited you are both back on campus. Ask a question back to maintain the conversation, and after a couple of texts stop being so vague about your summer and start being specific, telling jokes and flirting.

Sam explains, “Don’t talk about academics or your internship, talk about fun, unusual and adventurous things you did over the summer that will make him interested and have the conversation continue for a long time.” Hopefully it will end in one of you suggesting meeting up over the weekend or for a meal.

Scenario 5: You run into him at a wild first-weekend-back party.

This scenario will require some constraint on your end. In your drunken haze you will think to yourself, “Darn it, what were those tips in that great article on Her Campus?” – or something along those lines. Here is the key point to remember:

DO NOT hook up (no making out, nothing) the first night you run into each other coincidentally. You don’t want him to think of you as the surefire hook up for a weekend. However, both Jake and Sam agree that you also do not want him to think, “Oh my god, why didn’t she want to hook up with me? Is she over me?” 

Instead, the ever-strategic Jake suggests you create a false time constraint. “Casually work into conversation that you promised your friend you have to stop by this other party. If he wants to come with you he will follow you there, or you should text him later and invite him: ‘Hey this party is really fun you should come.’ That way, he will think ‘She didn’t hook up with me because she had to go somewhere’ rather than ‘she wanted to run away from me because she doesn’t like me anymore.’” If he ends up coming to the party, then it’s clear he still likes you and the serious flirting can start. Then, it’s up to you if you want to hook up.

(Note: Don’t freak out if he doesn’t fall into your trap and come to the other party; it’s possible his friends convinced him to go elsewhere, or countless other events of an unpredictable night at college.)

Scenario 6: You look up from your laptop in the library and realize he is doing homework at a desk right near you.

Now, there are two choices: you either wait for him to notice you and come up to you, or you make the move. If you are lucky, you will catch him staring at you and give a little wave or a smile and nod.

If you want to make the move, Jake tactfully explains, “You want to walk past him as an excuse for conversation, but you can only do what your surroundings present you with for a destination: a friend, the printer, the bathroom, the water fountain. Walk towards the pretend destination and act surprised and happy to run into him, and have a quick and friendly conversation.” Remember, he might be caught up with homework and will probably only be receptive to a short yet flirtatious hello.

Scenario 7: You are with a group of girl friends and run into him with his group of guy friends at the go-to Sunday breakfast place. 

We saved the trickiest situation for last. When we were talking to Jake and Sam, they both admitted to being stumped for the perfect way to handle it. Jake admits he “hates the showdown of the crews,” because groups of friends get in the way and make this first encounter more awkward than it should be. It’s good to note that guys are just as uncomfortable in this situation as girls are; friends can be intimidating and might throw you off your game.

Amidst the rounds of polite hugs and overly-excited “Heys!” between groups, make sure you hug him a little tighter, and flash him a brighter smile, and have a slightly longer greeting than you do with all his friends so he realizes you are more excited to see him. Later shoot him a text about the encounter: “It was great to see you at [blank], maybe next time we can run into each other on purpose,” or any joke that implies you should have more coincidental run-ins in the future.

Keep these flirty tips in mind for the first week of fall semester, and hopefully you will feel well prepared and resist the urge to hide when you suddenly cross paths. Love is a battlefield, and sometimes it requires a little strategy to nudge it in the right direction.

*Names changed to prevent girls on campus from finding out how suave these two eligible bachelors are.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

The guy I like was in a relationship with a girl for four years. She cheated on him, and they broke up five months ago. Recently I've been getting the feeling that he's interested in me. But they were in a serious, committed relationship—they even lived together. How can I know if he's ready for a new relationship or if he's just flirting with me because he's single and can flirt without guilt for the first time in years?–Flirty at FSU

I’ve heard of different recovery times for breakups, everything from, “half as long as the relationship lasted” to, “twice as long as the relationship lasted.” The simple fact is that there’s no set time frame for post-breakup recovery.

You simply cannot be sure if he’s ready for a new relationship because you aren’t in his head. Unfortunately, neither am I, so I can’t give you any guarantees. I know that for me at least, it took about a year to get over my longest relationship, which itself lasted a year.

They were together for four years. They lived together. If, by chance, he is flirting with people, part of me thinks he’s doing so for rebound purposes. He’s flirting with you to get over his ex or he’s trying to prove that he still has the ability to pick up girls. But then, for all I know, the man could have recovered from their breakup with great haste and is now ready to woo all the women on campus.

I think the question you should really be asking is whether or not you’re okay with possibly being a “no strings attached” kind of deal with this guy. Is he someone you genuinely like as a person, or is this just some guy you thought was cute?

If it’s the latter option, I don’t think you should bother getting involved unless you’re fine with something that may be purely physical. He may be using you — as bitter as it sounds — to get over his ex. He might also just be playing the field, and after a four-year relationship, I can’t say I blame the guy.

If it’s the first option, you need to decide if you’re willing to be with someone who might still be hung up on his ex. I’ve been with women who were still hung up on their ex-boyfriends, and that’s no fun at all. Take that bit of information as you will.

Communication, communication, communication. Find out where he’s at and decide for yourself whether or not you’re willing to get involved at all. Otherwise, you’re going to end up hurt as well.

So maybe you spent your summer Facebook stalking your fling from last semester, wondering what he or she’s been up to lately (don’t lie, we’ve all done it at some point)! After a summer apart, the one who got away may be weighing heavily on your mind, and the fact that the school year is fast approaching means you get to see him or her in just a matter of days.

The question is, will you two run through the crowded dining hall into each other’s waiting embrace, or will you be stuck with awkward eye contact and blatant avoidance when you pass each other on your way to class?

Things may have fizzled out before you trekked back home for the summer, but that doesn’t mean you can’t heat things back up in time for fall! Here are the dos and don’ts of facing your former fling. 

Do make sure he or she is still single

If you’re trying to pursue a romantic relationship with your former flame, you need to get the lowdown on his or her current relationship status. After all, it’s common girl code that boys with girlfriends are off-limits. You don’t want to be the Regina George to his Aaron Samuels if there’s clearly a Cady Heron in the picture. It’s just, like, the rules of feminism.

Talk to some mutual friends who may know something you don’t. Even if he doesn’t have a serious girlfriend whom he posts a woman crush Wednesday of every week, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s up for grabs. He could be in a serious flirtationship that you had no idea about. It’s best to get all your facts together before pursuing anything further!

Don’t be awkward

Let’s face it, running into someone you have history with can just be plain awkward. If the first conversation you have with your former fling upon arriving to school is full of awkward, uncomfortable small talk, then that’s going to set the tone for the rest of your relationship. Whether you run into him or her on your way to class, at a party, in the library or in the dining hall, keep your cool and just have a normal conversation!

“It’s pretty lame, but sometimes I’ll think of a few questions I can ask someone ahead of time if I know I’m going to run into them and it might be awkward,” says Hailey*, a junior at Gonzaga University. “If it’s a guy I like or someone I’ve had history with, I know I’ll clam up if I run into them, so having a few conversation topics in the back of my mind always helps things go a little more smoothly.”

Be prepared – nothing is more nerve-wracking than being caught off guard and having to participate in an awkward, spontaneous conversation. Keep a few good questions in the back of your mind that you can whip out at a moment’s notice. The clichéd “what did you do this summer?” is guaranteed to get the conversation going.

Do take it slow

Whether you’re heating things up again or easing into friendship, it’s important to take your relationship slowly. Jumping right back into any kind of relationship may just make it doomed from the get-go. Start with something simple, like meeting up for coffee so you can clear the air and see exactly where you two stand. Get a feeling for where your relationship is at so you can see where to go from there. If anything, it’s a great way to catch up after a long summer and see if there’s still a little bit of chemistry there!

Don’t face him or her for the first time when you’re drunk

The first few weekends of school are bound to be jam-packed with parties and bar runs, which means there’s a good chance you may run into that former fling after throwing back a few rum and cokes. As much as you may want to run up to him or her and pour your drunk little heart out, this is probably not the best time to reconnect with him or her after a long summer. You don’t want to risk saying something embarrassing, like accidentally telling him JUST how much you Facebook stalked him while you were at home…

If, however, you do run into him or her after a couple of drinks, you’ll have to have a game plan that even your drunk self can stick to. Enlist your friends to keep an eye on you who will be ready to swoop in if they catch you conversing with someone you probably shouldn’t be talking to.

“I’m a total blabbermouth when I drink, and I know I’m bound to say something embarrassing,” says Natalie*, a junior at Gonzaga University. “If there’s a guy I know I shouldn’t be talking to while I’m drunk, I let my friends know before we go out. That way, if they see me talking to him, they can intervene before I say something I’ll regret!”

Do remember why your fling fizzled out in the first place

There was a reason your fling cooled off in the first place, and you should definitely keep that in mind when facing your former flame. Was timing the issue, or was it something a little deeper than that? If summer approaching was the only reason you and your fling cut ties, then there’s probably a good chance that you could start things up again.  If he or she had annoying habits that you just couldn’t get past or you didn’t feel that strong of a connection, then it’s probably best to let go on and move onto greener pastures.

“My freshman year of college, I started casually seeing this guy a few months before we left for summer,” says Amanda*, a junior at the University of San Diego. “Right before we left I was starting to get annoyed with him, so I was glad that we’d have the summer to spend some time apart.”

However, Amanda says she started to miss him as the summer went on. “We picked things back up where they left off when we got back, but after a few weeks, I started to get a little annoyed again and felt trapped,” she says. “I wish I had remembered how annoyed I was at the end of the school year and just moved on.”

Take a step back and really think before pursuing this person again. If you really think you’re destined to be together, then go for it! If you still can’t get over the fact that he occasionally chews with his mouth open, then it’s time to ditch him and find someone else.

Don’t expect him or her to want the same thing as you

Whether you’re hoping to start up your fling again, take it to the next level, or even just be friends, you never know how your former hook-up feels about the situation. After all, the only way to truly know what someone wants is to talk to him or her, and you shouldn’t be angry or disappointed if your former fling isn’t feeling the same way as you! If he or she really isn’t feeling it, then that’s your cue to totally back off. You don’t want to be that girl pining after someone who wants nothing to do with her, of course! It’s best to figure out what you both want and move on from there – whatever that may entail.

Facing your former fling can be downright awkward and nerve-wracking, but it’s necessary – especially if you’re having some regrets about ending things in the first place. Approaching him or her in the right place at the right time is the number one step toward deciding if your former fling should have really been flung.

*Names have been changed.

You’re walking along the sidewalk heading to your next class. It’s a beautiful day and you have plenty of important things to think about: your first major exam, what you’ll wear to that party tonight, etc. You probably make quick eye contact with the people that pass you, maybe smiling at an acquaintance or two. And then it happens. You make slight eye contact, pause for a second, have brain recognition and realize that you’re looking at a guy you hooked up with one night last semester. Awkward! Do you stop and make conversation? Do you quickly look away and pretend you never noticed him? Does seeing him bring back a rush of old memories from your brief encounter?

It doesn’t matter whether you hail from the biggest of campuses or smallest of private schools – it's impossible to avoid anyone forever. It’s likely that neither of you were expecting to see each other. Since there isn’t some all-encompassing rulebook for this situation, he will feel equally uncertain. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could have the advantage and be able to listen in on his thoughts when you both make eye contact?

Her Campus talked to 18 guys about how they’d feel if they ran into a former flame back on campus. We asked them about their reaction, your reaction and what they would want to happen after your chance encounter. So next time you find yourself in this potentially uncomfortable situation, you’ll have an idea of what’s running through his head (and how to come away from it with no harm done)!

In his shoes

Let’s start with what he’s thinking when this all goes down. What’s his initial reaction? What factors affect how he’d react upon seeing you? How can you turn the situation in your favor… or at least make it bearable?

Almost 63 percent of guys said that they would view running into a former hook-up as an awkward situation. Brian from Washington State University has experienced this firsthand: “Last semester I ran into a girl that I hadn’t seen since the morning [after we hooked up],” he says, “Obviously it’s going to be awkward if the last time you saw each other, she was quickly throwing on clothes and trying to get back to her place. I honestly just sort of did a head nod and kept walking. I probably should’ve stopped and talked to her or something, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable either.”

Several guys, such as Danny from Mississippi State University, have tried to make conversation only to end up making the situation worse: “When I realized that [a former hook-up] had a class with me, I decided that it would be best to talk to her before class started,” Danny explains. “Within a few seconds of conversation, I realized that she was extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed about what had happened. Then, class started and we had to sit next to each other with all of this awkwardness between us until it was over.”

We agree that these situations sound less than pleasant, but seeing a former hook-up doesn’t always have to be awkward. Almost 25 percent of guys said they would be indifferent if they encountered a hook-up and another 12 percent of guys felt seeing a former hook-up would be nice. Who knows, maybe seeing you on campus will be just the thing that makes his day!

The factors

So what is it about running into a former hook-up that has some guys (and some of you collegiettes, too!) on edge? After being allowed to select each option that would be a factor to them, almost 88 percent of guys said not speaking to each other since you had hooked up would make the situation most uncomfortable. “If I were to run into a girl I’d hooked up with but not spoken to since, I would feel pretty bad and that would make things awkward,” says Michael from Southern Illinois University.

Half of the guys surveyed said that it would be most awkward if they had ended things on bad terms with a former hook-up. Blake from the University of Missouri just wants to move on from the drama:“I hooked up with a girl that clearly wanted more when I clearly didn’t,” Blake says. “I was pretty straightforward about it, but she still was really angry and upset. She basically blew up at me and I haven’t talked to her since. If I ever run into her on campus, it will be awful.”

Sometimes, though, a run-in with a hook-up can be the exact opposite of Blake’s situation. About 37 percent of guys said it would be awkward if they had wanted the hook-up to turn into something more. In that case, a collegiette could be running into a guy that she had to let down. “I ran into a girl once that I wanted to date when she just wanted to hook up,” says Kyle from Vanderbilt University. “Seeing her was obviously tough because I’d been rejected. I just decided to be polite but get out of the situation as quickly as possible.”

The key: making a point to amicably end your contact with a hook-up will pay off in the long run. But if things went sour before you cut off communication, it’s always best to just be polite and avoid re-hashing any drama that may have gone down in the past so you can be on your way.

His reaction

When it comes to how he thinks he’d actually react in the moment, there was much less of a consensus. The guys we talked to were in a three-way tie for how they thought they’d act if they ran into a former hook-up:

• He would stop and start a conversation… No biggie!

• He’d give a quick form of acknowledgement (a wave or head nod) and then move on. OR… He’d find a happy medium and give a short ‘Hello!’ or ‘How are you?’ and then move on.

• Ben from the University of Missouri prefers a happy medium: “I’d give her a ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ and that’s about it,” he says. “You don’t want to give someone the cold shoulder because that’s immature, but you don’t want to start a conversation either. There probably isn’t much to say and no one wants small talk to get awkward.” 

In your shoes

Now that you know how guys think they’d react to running into a former hook-up, let’s turn the tables. How would a former hook-up ideally like you to react if you ran into each other on campus? The answers were mixed, but we’ve ranked them in order of most preferred to least:

1. You give him a quick ‘Hi!’ and move on (38 percent).
2. You wave or smile at him and move on (36 percent).
3. You’d stop and make pleasant conversation (13 percent).
4. You’d stop and try to make conversation, but you’d be awkward about it (12 percent). 

Luckily, most guys want the same thing for you as they want for themselves – a quick acknowledgement so that you can both go back to your day.

You had him at ‘hello’… or not

This may surprise you, or it may not… Some guys secretly hope that after your encounter, he may turn into something more than just ‘a former hook-up’ of yours. When it comes to rekindling things, or hooking up again, 63 percent of guys said they’d consider it. Danny from Mississippi State University said that he’d be interested in starting things up again with a former flame: “If we had a good time [when we hooked up before] and it wasn’t awkward afterwards, I would definitely consider it,” he admits.

When the stakes got more serious – we asked whether guys would potentially want to be in a relationship with a former hook-up – fewer of them were interested. About 37 percent of guys would consider dating a girl they’d hooked up with before. Mike from Northeastern University says, “It would be the same as if I were getting into a relationship with any other girl. [I would consider] her personality, future plans and how we were around each other.”

Blake from the University of Missouri says, “It would obviously depend on whether I had a girlfriend at the time or not. If we had a good connection, we were both single, and we both had time to give it a try, I would [go for it].” The odds of him wanting something more are pretty good if your time together showed potential and you had fun together. However, around 38 percent of guys didn’t think they’d want to, and another 25 percent of guys said ‘Definitely not!’

So when it comes to having any sort of contact with a former hook-up, what do guys prefer? It’s kind of a toss-up – half of guys said that they keep in touch with a former hook-up but it varies in regards to how often they actually contact them. Most prefer brief communication (a text or saying hello when they see each other) every once in awhile. And if one of you is in a relationship when you run into each other? The consensus was that it’s best to just cut communication: “I wouldn’t want to be rude if I ran into a girl that I’d hooked up with,” says Kyle from Vanderbilt University, “but I’m in a relationship now, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize anything by starting up a conversation with her. I’d hope that my girlfriend would do the same in that situation. Just give a quick hello and keep walking.”

So there you have it, collegiettes! Next time you find a campus stroll interrupted by a guy that you had shared ‘intimate’ relations with, you will have a good idea of how he’s feeling.By keeping your cool and being concise, you can move right along to your next class (and the next Campus Cutie) without a backward glance!

Have you ever had a horrifically awkward run-in with a former hook-up? How about a run-in that rekindled a former flame? Tell us your stories in the comments!

Classes are back in session, the leaves are about to change color and the weather is getting cooler, but don’t let the autumn chill take the sizzle out of your love life! There are tons of amazing date opportunities for the fall months that won’t break the bank. Her Campus presents 15 fun and free date ideas for fall.

1. Make “His and Hers” Scarecrows

Making scarecrows isn’t just for farmers with a pesky bird problem, it can be a great way to show off your creativity and bond with your guy. First, raid your closets for a scarecrow wardrobe. No plaid? No problem. Any old outfit will do! Once you pick the outfits, stuff the clothes with hay, old newspapers, or leaves until the scarecrows are nice and plump. Then, tie the ends of the sleeves and pant legs with rubber bands or ribbons. Stuff a plastic bag or old pillowcase with leaves for the head and don’t forget to give your scarecrow a face with markers or paint. Add an old hat or some ribbons for hair to complete the dashing duo. Some of our favorite scarecrows were the non-traditional type, like this adorable pair of on a tandem bike. Now you’ll have a perfect scarecrow couple!

2. Bike through the Fall Foliage

Hop on your bikes to enjoy the crisp autumn air, the beautiful foliage and the sound of crunchy leaves beneath your wheels. Not only is riding your bike a great source of exercise, but you’ll both feel more relaxed and at one with nature as well. Whether you bike through a local park or just around campus, you’re sure to enjoy the scenic ride on this great outdoorsy date.

3. Go on a Hayride

Lots of farms have free apple or pumpkin picking hayrides where you just pay for the produce at the end. If you’re not looking to drop the cash for the fruit, sit back, relax and enjoy the hayride together. Afterwards, walk hand-in-hand taking a romantic stroll through the orchards and simply enjoy each other’s company.

4. Visit a Haunted House

Face your fears and visit a free haunted house in your area. Link arms and try not to make fun of your guy if he gets more scared than you do! If you can’t find any free haunted houses in your area, consider organizing your own haunted house or volunteering as a “scarer.” Sometimes it can be more fun to be on the other end of the fright!

5. Carve or Paint Pumpkins

If you have some pumpkins, why not channel some creativity and carve or paint them? There are plenty of free designs for pumpkin carving that are available online. Click here for some great templates! And don’t forget to roast the seeds in the oven for a tasty snack!

6. Midnight Bonfire

Use a fire pit to build a romantic bonfire. Roast marshmallows, look at the stars and enjoy each other’s company in the great outdoors. For instructions on building a bonfire, click here. If you’re stuck on campus and don’t have access to a real fire, browse YouTube for a crackling fire video and pop some s’mores in the microwave for a relaxing evening in.

7. Monster Movie Marathon

Get in the Halloween spirit by checking out Hulu’s scary movie selection and pick some frightening flicks to watch together. Horror movies give you the perfect opportunity to snuggle up close. If the bone-chilling gore becomes too much, you can always turn off the flick and let things heat up between you and your guy.

8. Read Ghost Stories

Head to your campus library and check out some creepy ghost stories. Cuddle up under a warm blanket and take turns reading the tales aloud to each other. Add candlelight for a romantic yet spooky touch! If you like your scary stories to have a modern flair, read the scary urban legends together by the glow of your laptop.

9. Post-Thanksgiving Picnic in the Park

Enjoy those Thanksgiving leftovers by planning a romantic lunch in the park with him. Pack some turkey sandwiches and pumpkin pie in a picnic basket and take along a blanket to enjoy your meal amongst the lovely foliage. You can cozy up and give thanks for the wonderful man in your life.

10. Conjure Up Some Treats

Get out the flour, butter and sugar and whip up some delicious desserts. After you’re done baking some Halloween cookies or cupcakes, get creative with the frosting - things will be heating up in no time! Check out these spellbinding recipes:

• Batty Cupcakes
• Halloween Brownie Bites 
• Candy Corn Sugar Cookies 
• Pumpkin Cookies with Brown Butter Icing
• Halloween Blondies
• Candy Corn and Pretzel Bark

11. Visit a Fall Festival

Lots of towns host free fall festivals complete with live entertainment, food, and activities. Check to see if there are any fall festivals in your area. Strolling through a fair arm-in-arm with your guy will make for a great autumn date.

12. Go Trick-or-Treating

Embrace your inner child and go house-to-house with your guy to score some sweets. If he’s convinced that you’re too old for trick-or-treating, suggest going to a Halloween store or thrift shop to try on some crazy costumes. For extra fun, make it a contest to see who can find the most ridiculous costume – loser has to make dinner for the winner!

13. Get Crafty

Scour Pinterest for some fun Halloween crafts you can make with your man. Grab some glitter, markers, construction paper and glue and get those creative juices flowing. Some of our favorite Pinterest crafts include:

• Glitter Webs
• Halloween Button Art
• Ribbon Wreath 
• Paper Cup Spiders
• Halloween Lanterns

14. Volunteer Together

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, what’s a better time to do some good? Visit a local animal shelter or soup kitchen and volunteer together. You’ll both feel good about giving back to the community, and seeing your guy play with puppies or donning an apron to serve food to the needy will be enough to melt your heart.

15. Pick Your Own Apples (and Cook up Recipes)!

What’s more synonymous with fall than the crisp smell of apples in the air? Hop in the car and visit your local orchard and make a day trip out of it. Tour the farm, sip some cider and nibble on some cider donuts (delicious)! Check out some of these other apple recipes to make together!

What fall date ideas do you have? Let us know in a comment below!

Think you’re prepared for college romance?  Until you can spot the most notorious campus couples,think again!  Read below for HC’s guide to the top ten duos you’ll get to know in your four years.

1. The Couple Who’s Already Booked the Campus Chapel

These “romantics” are engaged or soon-to-be.  They lovingly refer to the children they do not have, and they’ve already spent at least one year of major holidays together (including, but not limited to, the Fourth of July).  If they seem on a different track than most couples, it’s because they are.  Expect them to skip out on fraternity ragers for quiet weekends at (ugh) bed and breakfasts.  But hooray for true love, right guys??

2. The Sorority Sweetheart and the Frat Star

These Greek gods have all the social connections and one or both of them is most likely a chapter president.  They’re pretty.  Like J.Crew catalog pretty.  And while there’s always underlying drama with these two, you’ll never see them miss a big social event!

3. The Activists

Remember way back when Summer got all vegan-y on the last season of The O.C. and started hanging around that Che guy?  THEY WERE THIS COUPLE.  They always have a cause, and it always involves wearing really similar pants.  Find them planting sustainable foods in the campus garden, having sit-ins to stop wildlife clearing in order to build new dorms and, most importantly, biking everywhere.

4. The All-Americans

Imagine if David Beckham and Hope Solo dated . . . this is the couple with enough athletic scholarship money between them to finance a comfortable suburban home.  These two are gifted in the abs department.  My one request?  Stop working out at the gym together; it just makes everyone else want to give up.

5. The Reality Show Drama Couple

Okay, so maybe they don’t have a reality show, but they break up and get back together enough times to make one happen.  Find them at the bar, alternatively slurring insults at each other and furiously making out.  Don’t even THINK about trying to get mixed up in this one.  Remember what happened when Ronnie tried to hook up with other girls behind Sammi’s back on The Jersey Shore? Yikes.

6. The Power Couple

They’ve got matching ambition and the 4.0’s to prove it.  This is the couple who will go from trading notes in the library to trading notes on the Senate floor.  If you end up in a class with them, expect that they will dominate—they are each other’s biggest competition.  Like the Obamas or the Clintons (though some of these romances work out better than others...).

7. The High School Sweethearts

Every freshman floor has at least one girl pining away for her high school boyfriend.  They Skype constantly, and he comes to visit about every other weekend.  When they’re together, expect them to hibernate in her dorm; when they’re not, expect her phone to be attached to her hand at all times.  This couple often bids their relationship adieu over the notorious Thanksgiving Break (“The Turkey Dump”), but some manage to stick it out for the long haul.

8. The Orientation to Graduation Couple

These crazy kids met the first day of college and have been dating ever since.  They were among the few freshmen to pair off right away and are among the even fewer who stay together.  While they may not keep dating after college, they are certainly tagged in an obscene amount of Facebook photos together from the duration.

9. The Law Student and the Co-ed

There’s always one sorority girl who finds her frat boy counterparts to be too immature.  Enter the older law student/med student/local businessman who’s still into 19-year-olds! While their love isn’t traditional, it is mutually beneficial.  You can find them out at nice dinners and swanky bars.  Just don’t call him a Sugar Daddy!

10. The Best Dressed Duo

Even if they go to school in the middle of Iowa, they dress like it’s New York Fashion Week every day.  They shop together, and they probably both have really good hair, seemingly without trying.  Find them around campus looking like they’re posing for a fashion shoot. You will never find them repeating outfits.

With another fall semester here, it’s time that we take a good, hard look at ourselves (and our love lives). Whatever mistakes we made last year are in past semesters—we’ve got the chance to revamp our romances, so let’s not waste the opportunity by falling into the arms of yet another sleazy frat bro! Whether you have a nasty habit of choosing guys who were going nowhere or you were too much of a wallflower last spring, we’ve got the right advice to help you change your ways.

1. You Revolved Your Social Life Around a Guy

It starts off innocently enough: you want to hang out with your fun, new hook-up, so you decide to spend a Saturday night with him and his friends. But then a single Saturday night becomes an entire weekend, and before you know it, you’re making plans to fit his schedule (and ditching your friends in the process).

Why is it such a bad thing? “Most college relationships don't last forever, so when the relationship ends, you don't want to be left behind by friends who are disgruntled that you have been neglecting them when you had something ‘better’ going on,” says Kathleen Bogle, author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus.

Shira Kipnees, a senior at Franklin & Marshall College, had to change her habits when she started making sacrifices for her boyfriend of three years. “We're long-distance during the school year, so we try and Skype every night,” she explains. “However, some nights he would have something [going on] and would not be able to Skype me until right before I'd be going to bed. I'd stay up waiting for him to be done and to Skype me, sometimes sacrificing an earlier bedtime just to talk.”

Eventually, Shira talked to her boyfriend about the issue and they settled on a “five minute” system. Right before she’s going to bed, she asks him if he’ll be able to Skype soon. If he responds, “Yes, I have five minutes left,” she stays up. If he says, “Not in the next five minutes,” she says goodnight and goes to bed.

It’s all about compromise. By being direct and bringing up the problem like Shira did, you and your guy can figure out a way to spend time together that doesn’t make anyone feel left out or taken advantage of. If you’re long-distance, try setting a specific day and time to Skype and stick to it every week. If you’re on campus together, set aside a girls’ night each weekend—no boyfriends allowed!

2. You Hooked up With a Guy Knowing He Didn’t Want More (& Hoping You Could Change his Mind)

Like many collegiettes before you, you’ve probably fallen into the ever-alluring, fixer-upper hook-up trap. Here’s how the story goes:

1. You hear of his illustrious bed-hopping reputation and vow to never be just another notch in his belt (no matter how cute he looks from across the quad).
2. You run into each other at a party, one thing leads to another, and you discover that this boy knows how to kiss. Like, Gone with the Wind, sweep-you-off-your-feet-style kissing.
3. You decide to make an exception.
4. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, so you unwittingly agree to a FWB situation.
5. You tell yourself that once he gets to know you better, he won’t help but falling for you.
6. He doesn’t.

Here’s the thing: it’s not that you aren’t the most amazing, talented, intelligent girl he’s ever been with. You probably are. But when he tells you he isn’t looking for anything serious, chances are he’s set on living the single life in college—or worse, rebounding from a rough break-up.

Connie Chan, a recent graduate of Carnegie Mellon University, found herself in this exact situation. “I've hooked up with a guy before knowing we weren't on the same page,” she says. “As much as I enjoyed his company, I was really wasting my time waiting around for someone who couldn't give me what I wanted. He was nice enough to end things instead of stringing me along, but I wish I had done it myself—and much earlier!”

To save yourself from this tough situation, make some hard rules and resolve to live by them. If he tells you he doesn’t want anything serious (or you hear he’s a heartbreaker), ask yourself where you want to be by the end of the semester. If you envision yourself living the single life or open to hook-ups, then by all means, give him a shot. If, however, you’d prefer to be able to snuggle up with a guy and a mug of hot chocolate come wintertime, keep looking for someone who’s interested in more than midnight booty-calls.

3. You Hooked up With a Guy You Weren’t Really Into

Almost everyone has a past hook-up that they would rather forget, but what if that hook-up also happened to be with someone you didn’t even want to hook up with in the first place? There are plenty of reasons not to hook up with a guy, and this is high on the list.

“Junior year, one of my roommates pushed me to start hanging out with her guy friend, who was best friends with her boyfriend, after he expressed an interest in me to her,” recalls Amy*, a senior at Boston College. “I started going out on double dates with the guy, mostly because I wanted to make my roommate happy. However, once things got physical with [him], I immediately became uncomfortable. I realized that I had never been into the guy since the beginning, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, and ended things as best I could.”

It’s a tricky spot to be in: you want to be there for your friend, but you’re just not feeling the spark. Remember that just because he’s a friend of your friend’s boyfriend doesn’t mean he deserves any preferential treatment—and definitely no undeserved kisses! If your friend is pressuring you to give him a chance, sit her down and explain that you want to find someone that makes you as happy as her boyfriend makes her, and you can tell that this guy just isn’t Mr. Right. Plus, does your friend really want to deal with the mess you’ll make when you break things off with her boyfriend’s buddy? Definitely not—so remind her of the repercussions!

On the other hand, you might find yourself going for a guy you’re not into simply because you’re lonely, you want to be physical, or you feel left out as the only single girl in your group. (Why rom-coms make the single lady life seem like an awful thing is beyond us.) Bogle’s advice: don’t settle! “There is no upside to hooking up with someone when you don't really want to,” she says. “There are enough guys out there that you will actually be interested in, so focus on them.”

4. You Chased After Guys Who Were Unavailable

We all want what we can’t have: guilt-free carbs, Carrie Bradshaw’s closet, and, of course, unavailable guys. You’d think that we would have evolved to lust after the single ones—after all, they’re much more likely to return the favor—but unfortunately, we collegiettes are constantly crushing hard on the taken ones.

“If you only want what you can't have, you have to ask yourself why,” advises Bogle. “Are you afraid of being hurt? Do you like the thrill of trying to attain the unattainable? Does the thought of getting someone who is hard to catch boost your ego?” If this is becoming a theme in your life, she says, you need to look inward for the reason why.

Once you figure out why you’ve been chasing taken guys, you need to try to make some changes. Don’t go to a party that you know your elusive, taken crush will attend. Instead, spend your time meeting new (single) people. Accept an invitation to hang out with people outside of your usual crowd. Even if there aren’t any guys there the first time, you never know which fantastic boys they might be friends with! Plus, the excitement and nerves of getting to know new people will take your mind off any unattainable flings.

5. You Made an Enemy of Your Ex

It can be hard to use good judgment when feelings get in the way—particularly when those feelings are of the “I need to dump him” variety. Whether he got on your nerves, let the spark fizzle, or played tonsil-hockey with someone else over the weekend, you knew you had to end it. The question was: how?

Briana Morgan, a recent graduate of Georgia College, regrets the way she ended things with an ex. “I was too afraid to have ‘the talk,’” she recounts. “Instead, I avoided him whenever I could. Finally, he showed up at my dorm because he was worried about me. Then, we had the talk. I wish I'd come clean sooner instead of dragging the whole thing out. It wasn't fair to him.”

To avoid making the same mistake twice, try to put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to be strung along, hurt and confused for weeks? Nope, and neither would he, so be honest with him.

If you weren’t the one doing the dumping—but you dealt with the break-up badly anyway—you’ll want to take a different tactic. There’s nothing worse than running into an ex on campus who has heard you say bitter things you came to regret. And you definitely don’t want to be known as that girl who starts rumors about old boyfriends (or hooks up with their best friends immediately post-break-up).

This fall, keep your distance from former flames. If you’re with someone and he ends things—which means he’s lost his mind, of course—think before you speak. You may not care much for his feelings in that emotional moment, but keeping in mind how any potential awkwardness could affect you in the future—like in class, at parties, or at club meetings—will help you hold back any nasty insults.

6. You Turned Down a Guy who “Wasn’t Your Type”

Sometimes, it can be hard to spot a truly nice guy, but Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them, explains that a lot of college girls actually avoid good guys—but not on purpose. “They’re afraid to be with a good guy who wants to get close because they're afraid if they get close, the guy will hurt them or abandon them,” she says.

Instead of giving nice guys a chance, most of us collegiettes write them off as “not our type.” We then head straight for the notorious ladies’ men, because deep down, according to Lieberman, we think there’s no risk of getting attached—or hurt. (Spoiler alert: This plan always fails. Always.) That subconscious fear might be to blame for that just-not-into-him feeling you’ve got in your gut when you come across a nice guy.

“I went on a date with this great guy last semester, but I just felt like there wasn’t any chemistry,” recalls Jessica*, a junior at Skidmore College. “I basically put him in the friend zone. Of course, by the end of the year, I ended up wanting him. I’m giving guys a two-date minimum chance next year!”

Give the nice guys a chance, even if they don’t seem like “your type” at first glance. Don’t force yourself to go on more than one date if you really aren’t feeling it—especially since it’ll probably turn into a notorious first date disaster—but ask yourself what it is about the guy that makes you think you don’t have chemistry. Does he seem too predictable? Too interested? If he’s coming on way too strong, keep your distance. But if it’s just that he’s more direct and friendly than the bad boys who’ve kept you guessing in the past, he deserves a shot! Use these seven foolproof ways to tell if he’s a good guy to see if he’s worth your time.

7. You Let Your Crush Slip By

We get it: cute boys are intimidating! They’ve got those dreamy eyes, that fresh cologne smell... it’s a wonder we don’t all start stuttering mid-conversation. If your nerves got the best of you last year, making you more of a wallflower than a flirt, now’s the time to turn things around.

“You only live once,” Bogle reminds us. “If something doesn't work out, fine. But, you will sleep better at night if you know you gave it a shot. Don't sit on the sidelines and watch someone else steal your crush!”

Instead, get in on the action. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. If you see your crush in class, casually ask him to remind you of your latest assignment. Then, ask how he likes the class. The conversation should flow from there!

If you get to the point where you’re on talking terms but he isn’t making moves, he might not realize that you’re interested. Turn up the flirt factor by asking him to hang out for a one-on-one coffee on campus to get him in a dating mindset. Never underestimate the power of body language, either; putting a hand on his arm for a second after he’s told a funny joke is one of the best ways to signal that you’re open to something more.

Don’t fall back into bad habits this semester. You may not find love on your first day, but by making these changes (and avoiding these seven love mistakes), you’ll be seven steps closer!

*Names have been changed.

You’re at the library when you spot an attractive stranger eyeing you from behind a pair of chic glasses and an alluringly large book. Probably an English major. The hot ones are always English majors. What do you say? “Are you an overdue book? Because you have fine written all over you!” 

How unsophisticated. In case your crush judges a book by its cover, you want to make the perfect first impression. And what better way to woo someone than with a pick-up line custom-tailored to the book he or she happens to be reading?

Take a page out of our book and try one of these literary one-liners.

1. You must be reading Fahrenheit 451, because you’re smokin’!

2. Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.

3. Why don’t we Middlemarch right out of here and go get dinner?

4. Did I just step into an E. M. Forster novel? Because any room with you in it is A Room with a View.

5. It’s no wonder Big Brother’s watching you. On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re 1984.

6. I don’t need to go In Search of Lost Time — I know it’s the time I spent before I met you.

7. Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?

8. Watching you walk through those stacks is A Moveable Feast for the eyes.

9. It’s funny that you’re reading Tennessee Williams, since you’re the only 10 I see.

10. Call me Ishmael. When can I call you?

11. Hey cutie, I Sense you have a lot of Sensibility. Was that too Austen-tatious of me to point out?

12. I believe in The Importance of Being Earnest, so I’m just going to say it: I’m Wilde about you.

13. I would Thoreau-ly enjoy it if this library weren’t so Wald-en. Why don’t you get some fresh air and go out with me?

14. Hey, why don’t you let me bring you to Treasure Island?

15. I could say that I wandered lonely as a cloud before I met you, but what are these Wordsworth if you won’t go out with me? 

16. I’d Fight to go to a Club with you.

17. Wanna go find us A Room of One’s Own?

Disclaimer: Many libraries don’t permit food, so be careful about bringing in lines this cheesy and corny. But hey, at least they’re not as bad as these pick-up lines!

The first week of college is full of opportunities to meet new friends (and SOs!). You’re entering a social scene where you know few (if any) people, and that means the dating pool is a whole new ballgame. From the vast number of guys you’ll meet during orientation week or first week of classes, you’ll probably find a few who pique your interest. But before you go wild with the new selection of guys and girls at your disposal, beware of these love don’ts that many freshmen commit during their first few weeks at college, and remember these love do’s so you can make the most of your college dating experience!

DON’T Get too Serious About the First Person You Meet

You met a cute guy or girl! Now you’re wondering when he or she will text you back, what he’s doing this weekend, and if the two of you will end up dating… but hold up! While being open to a relationship is a good outlook to have, remember that you’re only one week into college. Is your new crush really that amazing, or are you attached to the idea of security and familiarity that comes with being in a relationship?

If you do feel a real connection, that’s great! Continue dating or hanging out (or whatever you want to call it), but Adam LoDolce, dating coach and Founder of Sexy Confidence, says that you shouldn’t close yourself off to other options too soon, even if you’ve hooked up. “You've just been introduced to a whole new world—you’ll limit yourself if you settle down too quickly,” he says. There are plenty of people on campus you haven’t met yet, and college is a time to develop and explore multiple relationships—not just the first one you establish.

If you realize that you’re only attracted to the idea of this guy, then tone it down. You can stay in touch and remain friends with him, but give yourself some distance and time to get to know other people. Even at smaller colleges, you’ll be meeting new people all the time, so don’t feel compelled to attach yourself to the first guy who catches your eye.

DO Say Yes to Actual Dates

Yes, real dating does exist in college! “When a guy you may be interested in asks you out on a date (like, actually asks, ‘Do you want to go out to dinner?’ or, ‘Can I take you on a date?’), say YES,” says Marni Battista, founder of Dating With Dignity. She recommends girls accept the gesture over more common dating techniques in college, such as the casual party invite (because, for all you know, the guy could have texted many girls the same thing). When a guy tries to get to know you on a personal level (outside the party scene), it shows genuine interest that likely goes beyond physical attraction.

However, be cautious and sensible when dating new people. “Make sure you know the guy you’ve agreed to go on a date with, and make sure the place you’re going is near other people and not too far from home,” Battista says.

DON’T Compare Your Love Life to Your New Friends’

Is your roommate staying home every night to talk to her boyfriend? Or are a group of your new, single friends on the hunt for flings? It can be tempting to seek an active love life if everyone else is, but remember that you’re responsible for shaping your own college experience, and you should do whatever is best for you.

“Peer pressure is the name of the game, so don’t fall for it and stand your ground,” says Battista. It’s perfectly fine to move at your own pace when dating or choose not to date at all. Socialize in a way that you are comfortable with, for your own reasons and on your own timeline. Incoming freshmen hail from all backgrounds, so don’t feel pressured to copy someone else’s lifestyle.

If you’re feeling down because your friends all had a crazier night than you during Welcome Week, Battista says, “Trust that the amount of regret and/or hangover you’ll be feeling tomorrow will be minimal compared to your friends.”

DO Set Clear Boundaries

The first week of college is unpredictable, but that doesn’t mean your hook-ups have to be. Don’t think you have to push the boundaries of what you’re comfortable with just because other people in college have more experience than you, or you think it’s “what everyone does in college.”

“People (especially men) are testing the boundaries of what they can get away with. Your job is to set your boundaries and establish a personal comfort zone with the other sex,” Battista says. So before you even put yourself in a hook-up situation, set your boundaries so you can clearly express them to a guy when you’re in the moment.

“If you don't want to go too far physically, let your guy know your limits in advance,” says Briana Morgan, a senior at Georgia College. In your normal state of mind, this sounds manageable. However, many college hook-ups begin at parties where alcohol is involved, and that affects how articulate you are. If you plan to drink, do so responsibly, because too much alcohol can also impair your judgment and compromise the boundaries you set earlier.

DON’T Expect a Relationship From a Random Hook-up

So you ended up going home with the hot guy or girl you were flirting with all night—score! But a few days have passed and he or she still hasn’t contacted you. What gives?

We hate to break it to you, but maybe your hook-up was just that: a hook-up.

The college dating scene is no stranger to miscommunication (and straight-up players), so prepare yourself mentally and emotionally if you do decide to hook up (being physically safe is a given). If the idea of a no-strings-attached hook-up doesn’t sit well with you, don’t hook up. Nothing can ruin your arrival at college like being depressed over a crush (we’ve been there!). The post-hook-up lull is distracting and can discourage you from putting yourself out there again to meet people who are actually worth your time.

Briana Morgan, a recent graduate of Georgia College, says, “If you're interested in more than just hooking up, make that clear from the beginning.” By being clear and upfront about your intentions, you’re saving yourself time, effort, and potential heartbreak.

DO Make Yourself Approachable

It’s kind of hard to get someone’s attention (let alone flirt!) if he or she is glued to his phone. You wouldn’t want someone to close himself or herself off like that, so return the favor and leave your phone in your purse when you’re in a social environment. If you’re always looking at your phone screen, you aren’t able to use one of the easiest ways to break the ice: eye contact! Without a distracting screen in front of you, you’re more likely to be aware of your surroundings and make a connection with someone. “If I could go back now and repeat orientation, I would make sure I wasn't on my phone texting all the time. It probably turned a lot of people off,” says Shira Kipnees, a senior at Franklin & Marshall.

Another way to make yourself approachable is to break free from your girl posse. A large group of girls can be intimidating to approach, so occasionally stray away to give that cute guy a chance to talk to you!

DON’T Cling to Your High School SO

In the first few weeks of college, a long-distance SO can be both a gift and a curse. On one hand, he or she acts as a source of security while you’re far away from friends and family. On the other, he or she can prevent you from seeking other opportunities to socialize. “One mistake that I learned from my freshman year was that I spent a good part of orientation texting my boyfriend or Skyping him or talking to him on the phone,” says Shira.

Even though you’re not pursuing other guys, a high school sweetheart can still limit you in areas outside of the dating world. Shira says even though she did make great friends when she started college, it took time because she was really shy. Instead of getting out of her comfort zone to make friends, she would turn to her SO.

Our best advice for balancing a long-distance relationship and college life is to accept that you will be uncomfortable when you don’t know many people yet—but you shouldn’t use this as a reason to retreat to your beau. In fact, embrace your independence! It means you’re making yourself available for new experiences and new friends. Sure, texting your boyfriend is a safer option, but do you really want your college experience to be the same as high school?

DO Make Some Platonic Friends

Remember that not every acquaintance has to be in the running to be your next SO. Learn to appreciate the company of people as they are, not based on a “boyfriend material” checklist. And, who knows—if it’s really meant to be, maybe a “friends first” situation can eventually turn into something more!

Caleb Frank, a senior at Kansas State University, says that guys look for a female friend who they can talk to and trust. “She needs to be somebody who is fun and energetic,” he says. He adds that it doesn’t hurt if the girl is willing to be a wingwoman for her guy friend. (Besides, isn’t that what all good friends do?)

The first year of college is a great time to establish those lasting friendships. Soniya Shah, a senior at Carnegie Mellon University, says, “Do take advantage of everyone being so friendly! This is a great time to meet as many people as you can, whether it's in the dining halls, at orientation activities or just around the dorms.” LoDolce suggests that you try and talk to at least five new people per day. The more people you meet, the better your chances at finding that go-to friend!

DON’T Put Dating Before Schoolwork

It’s easy to get carried away in the fun, new dating scene of college, but remember the main reason you’re at college: to get an education! It may seem like easy sailing at first when your classes haven’t really gotten difficult yet, you’re going to parties multiple times a week, and you’re meeting new guys, but as soon as your first exam or major assignment pops up, you’re going to wish you had adopted a better work/fun balance. It’s fine to enjoy yourself on the weekends—just make sure it is not cutting into your study time!

The first week of college is a scary and exciting time for all freshmen, so we hope these do’s and don’ts will make navigating the college dating scene easier. If you do find yourself in a dating disaster, know that it will eventually pass and that there will be plenty of other campus cuties to pursue. So best of luck on your search, collegiettes, and above all else: have fun and stay safe!

He caught your eye while he was carrying his minifridge into his dorm room. Just as he was passing through the doorway, he looked down the hall at you. Your eyes met for a split second on move-in day, and you knew you wanted to get to know him in more ways than one. But should you really hook up with someone on your floor, the place where you’ll be looking your best and your worst for the next nine months? Before you decide to commit “floorcest” and give that fella a chance, weigh the pros and cons of getting down with a cutie on your floor.

Pro: You already have mutual friends

Living on the same floor means that you both will know a lot of the same people. Your friend groups will certainly overlap, which makes hanging out in group settings that much easier. “Do you want to text Jack and see if he’s free for lunch, or should I?” is what you could find yourself saying to your hook-up when the mid-afternoon munchies hit you between classes.

“I hooked up with this guy on my floor last year, and it actually worked out pretty well,” says Kim, a sophomore at Illinois Wesleyan University. “What made it easier was that our friends were friends with each other… Any time we wanted to hang out with other people besides each other, we already had that built-in group of friends.”

Awkward introductions and long silences after those introductions are not in the cards for your hook-up buddy and your friends if they already know one another. You also don’t have to worry about being jealous of any cute girl friends he may be spending time with, because you know all of his friends! And there isn’t a cute one among them… no one cuter than you, anyway.

Con: Everyone in the dorm will know about it

Remember all those mutual friends you both have? Well, they know that you and your guy have been hooking up for the duration of your relationship. And, what’s worse, they all have an opinion about it.

“I hated that all of my friends, guys and girls, seemed to know all the intimate details of my relationship,” says Ashley, a junior at the University of Mississippi. “They would act as if they were all a part of this thing with me. But they definitely were not.”

Suddenly, your hook-up situation becomes a family affair, and all the people on your floor assume that when you’re walking down the hall to his room, it can only be for one reason. Just like that, you can become the talk of the floor, which can definitely get annoying after a while.

Pro: It’s super convenient

You just got back from a night out with your girls, and he just got back from a night out with the guys. You’re in the elevator on your way up to the floor when you send your go-to text: “Hey, wanna hang out?” The time of night says the rest. Rather than walking a couple blocks to the neighboring dorm, or worse, across campus, you simply have to walk down the hall to your fella’s door if you want a little one-on-one time, or vice versa.

Rebecca, a junior at Indiana University, loved that her boyfriend lived on the same floor as she did when they first started dating. “Whenever I had a bad day or I just wanted to waste time before doing any homework, I knew I had someone to talk to,” she says. “I am guilty of booty-calling my hook-up buddy late at night later than I normally would if I would have had to walk further than 10 yards, but because we were so close, he never said ‘no’ either.”

Once the roomies have been politely sexiled (if there is such a thing as polite sexiling), there’s nothing standing in your way besides a microscopic walk of shame when all the fun is done. Neither of you will talk your way out of hanging out together because of an early morning the next day or a paper that still needs to be written when your rooms are right down the hall.

Con: You’re stuck seeing him on the reg if things go south

Being friends with benefits or hook-up buddies can only last so long. But just because your quasi-relationship ends doesn’t mean you get to cut that person out of your life. Living on the same floor as your ex-hook-up buddy means that you still have to see him or her riding the elevator, studying in the lounge, walking back to his or her room between classes, etc. You can’t really hide from your ex-hook-up or avoid him or her like you would normally be able to do if you weren’t living in the same building.

Jill, a sophomore at the University of Kansas, says that was the hardest part of hooking up with someone on her floor. “After we ended things, I didn’t really want to have anything to do with him, but that wasn’t really possible since he was friends with all of my friends and lived five doors down the hall from me at the time,” she says.

Jill says you may be forced to skip the “visibly wallowing in self-pity phase” of any breakup and jump to remaining cordial with your ex-lover. However, eventually the awkward tension will subside.

Con: You’ll both see the other people you’re hooking up with

On your way to brush your teeth, you glance down the hall and see someone, a girl, follow your guy into his room. But wait, he’s not really your guy. And two nights ago, you did bring that other guy back from the frats with you. And your dorm hook-up may or may not have been in the lounge as you passed by to get to your room. You didn’t have a talk about being exclusive, so technically, he hasn’t done anything wrong, but that can’t stop you from cringing at the fact that you were just in that very same bed with him last night.

“It wasn’t fun seeing him with other girls,” Ashley says. “That was sort of the reason why I stopped seeing him. I realized I couldn’t handle watching some guy I hooked up with hang out with other girls and do the same things with them as he did with me.”

If he didn’t live on your floor, you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him with other girls as often or him seeing you with other guys.

Pro: He’s gone through the same awkward moments as you

From move-in day, when your parents were asking your RA about safety protocols, to waiting for an empty dryer in the laundry room while your wet clothes soaked through your hamper, there are a lot of universally awkward moments that come with living in a dorm that will bring you two together. Not only can you both enjoy the fact that you’ve survived these awkward times together, you can even bond over getting locked out of your rooms and being forced to get a spare key from the front desk worker in the lobby.

That’s what happened to Amy, a junior at the University of Missouri-Kansas City. “I had just gotten out of the shower and was walking to my room when I realized I didn’t have my key, and I didn’t have a roommate, so I couldn’t just make her open the door,” she says. “So, in my bathrobe, I carried my shower caddy downstairs to get a new key from the front desk. And that’s where I met this guy. He had done the same exact thing, only his roommate was asleep and he didn’t want to wake him up! … We ended up becoming friends and actually hooked up a couple times.” Never underestimate the power of a cute bathrobe and an awkward moment.

Con: Sleepovers may not be in the cards when your bed is just down the hall

Because it’s so convenient for you to walk down the hall to his room, it’s just as easy for you to walk back at the end of the night. Rather than getting comfy and snuggling up for a closing cuddle sesh, he remembers that he really does have a two-page response due for his English class tomorrow. So you can’t stay. You’ve pulled this same move on him when you had that Spanish test to study for, but it still stings a little knowing that you’re both taking advantage of the fact that you live just down the hall.

“It got old,” Jill says. “We would hook up every other day after I got back from my … history lecture and before he left for his chemistry lab. And afterward, we would go our separate ways. I also didn’t feel the need to have him spend the night, and he didn’t feel the need to have me spend the night. Soon enough, we realized we were really just using each other.”

Sleepovers don’t seem to be necessary when you know that you’ll just see each other in the morning anyway on your way out of the dorm for class. Why share your twin-size bed if you don’t have to?

Hooking up with someone on your floor can be intriguing. You know you probably shouldn’t do it just to save yourself from all of the awkward tension that’s surely to follow, and yet, you can’t help but take your eyes off of him or her. If you ever find yourself wanting to make a move on a floormate, figure out if you can live with that decision (without cringing every time you think about it) for the rest of the year. Because he or she will be there. For the rest of the year.

Everyone has a little bit of nerd inside of them. But what about those guys who are full-on geek? We might tend to avoid or friend-zone nerdy guys, leaving them to their comic books and video games. But why not give them a chance? Though we may overlook geeky guys after we see their superhero T-shirt collections, dating a nerd can come with a lot of benefits. A relationship with a nerd has a great chance to live long and prosper, and the characters on The Big Bang Theory show us why.

1. He can take care of your computer problems.

2. He’ll be extremely clear with you when it comes to defining the relationship.

3. You can brag to your friends about his high IQ.

4. He won’t be afraid to show you his sensitive side.

5. You'll never have to worry about pretending to care or know about sports, because chances are, he doesn’t either.

6. He’ll take you to new places.

7. Your parents will be impressed by his intelligence.

8. He’ll find you the best seat in the house.

9. You don’t have to hide your embarrassing obsessions, because he’ll understand the fixation.

10. He’ll give you thoughtful presents that other guys can’t.

11. And finally, he’ll always use a scientifically proven approach.