It may seem like classes just started for the year, but Thanksgiving will be here before we know it! While a relaxing break at home is great for most of us, freshman collegiettes in long-distance relationships often get nervous about a phenomenon known as the turkey dump, a term used to describe break-ups that take place during Thanksgiving break when both of you are back home (often for the first time since class started). Breaking up doesn’t have to be served up along with your turkey dinner, though! Check out these four things you can do right now to avoid an unhappy holiday.

1. Set and Follow Rules for Your Relationship

Chances are, you probably set some sort of goals or came to an agreement about what you wanted your relationship to look like before you left for college. Before you both left to go your separate ways, the two of you (hopefully) should have talked about things like how much you expected to talk to or visit each other, what’s okay in terms of seeing other people and expectations with one another about the direction in which you want your relationship to continue.

Now that the year has gotten underway and the chaos of the first couple of weeks of classes has settled, take a few moments and do a mental check-in. Are you sticking to the terms of whatever it is you and your significant other agreed upon? Are certain things unclear or becoming harder to interpret? Make sure you’re flexible and forgiving with yourself as well. New changes and new scenarios don’t have to signal the automatic end to a relationship, but they can be the material that makes it even stronger!

If you feel it’s needed, have a conversation with your boyfriend about what’s working and what’s not with the expectations both of you have regarding your relationship. It’s a much smarter idea to address problems you’re encountering now than to let resentments build up until they become too much to handle—one scenario that often leads to Thanksgiving break-ups.

You also might want to discuss what you expect to happen when both of you are back during Thanksgiving break and think about revisiting whatever agreements you guys reached before leaving. “Seeing each other again is all about expectations. Do you expect it will be like before? Do you expect he will be/do/say something?” says Ariane de Bonvoisin, an author, speaker, entrepreneur and founder of The First 30 Days, a website for helping people make changes in their lives. “[Be] really clear on what you hope/want/expect, write it down even, and then let it go. Your expectations are directly in line with how much you will suffer!”

2.  Take Advantage of Technology

Sharing both the good and the bad parts of your college experience is also super important if you’re hoping to avoid the dreaded turkey dump. “Accept that you're not going to be together every day––but that doesn't mean you're not going to speak every day. Skype is amazing for LDR's, so learn to love it!” advises Lauren Hudson, a fourth-year student at the University of Exeter.

De Bonvoisin agrees. “You must feel safe about communicating what's really going on,” she says. Take advantage of Skype, email, texting and calling while still leaving enough time to spend time with the new friends you’ve made.

“I think the most important thing is to utilize all the amazing technology that's out there,” says Sarah*, a senior at Boston University. “From Skype dates to sending a quick text between classes, I found that it was the little day-to-day things that made a difficult situation easier.” Talking regularly, whether it’s over the phone, computer or via text can help the two of you stay close and make the distance a little more bearable.

3. Balance Your New Life at College with Your Old Life Back Home

If one or both of you is holding the other back from enjoying new experiences and new people you’re meeting at school, a breakup may quickly become inevitable. “The first time you're away from him is really hard, especially if you're used to seeing him almost every day,” says Lauren. “Be sure to keep yourself busy and throw yourself into college activities as this makes it so much easier. When you're busy you have less time to miss him.”

To avoid a messy break-up come Thanksgiving, it’s crucial to realize that you’ll both grow and learn and try new things while you’re apart, and that it’s okay to be apart. “Communication is key, but don't overdo it.  I know girls who were constantly texting and talking to their boyfriend, even Skyping until they fell asleep, and then the other person would just watch them sleep. It's too much,” says Katie*, a junior at Cornell. “You have to acknowledge that your boyfriend's not there, and that you need to do things in college without him.  Otherwise, this expectation of sharing everything will put an unhealthy strain on the relationship.”

You don’t have to keep your new experiences totally to yourself, either. Plan on sharing new things you’re experiencing with your boyfriend when the two of you are back together over the break to help bridge any awkwardness and show each other different parts of your new collegiate lives. “Withholding is what starts killing the relationship; it’s not the distance. Give each other the space to share it all,” says de Bonvoisin. “That is what builds and keeps intimacy. It’s not even what you say that will have someone dump you; it’s what you aren’t saying.”

Just joined a climbing club on campus? Start making plans now to show off your new skills to him at a gym near your house. Learning a new language? Teach him a few words during your next phone conversation. Sharing your new experiences or making plans to share them as early as possible can also be huge in avoiding a breakup. This way, instead of feeling like you’re growing impossibly far apart from one another, the focus instead is on ways to share new experiences and turn them into something the both of you can enjoy as a couple as well as on your own!

4. Don’t Wait Until Thanksgiving to Have a Heart-to-Heart

Relationships are all about communication. If you’re unhappy with how something is going or where your relationship currently stands, don’t wait until Thanksgiving to let your significant other know how you’re feeling; ask for what you want and need. “During a long-distance relationship, it’s very hard to guess what the other person requires,” de Bonvoisin says. "[Be] super clear on expressing things.”

Keeping communication clear, open and honest is MAJOR in avoiding a turkey dump. Bringing up issues as they arise instead of holding on to upset emotions is a great way to avoid tons of drama and tears come Thanksgiving.

Keep in mind that everyone has days when things aren’t going so stellar. One rough conversation, one rumor your best friend from high school shared with you about your boyfriend or one other difficult obstacle won’t derail a solid relationship if you’re open with each other about how you’re feeling!

While the turkey dump is an unfortunate reality many collegiettes will face this Thanksgiving, it doesn’t have to happen to you and your boyfriend. Start talking and communicating now so you don’t have to end things come November.

*Names have been changed.

Admit it, ladies—we all have our fair share of secrets we keep private from the guys in our lives: the record number of pizza slices we’ve wolfed down in one sitting, how often we actually wash our bed sheets, our obsession with Joseph Gordon-Levitt… you get the idea. But do you ever stop to think about the kind of secrets guys could be keeping from you? Lucky for you, Her Campus talked to seven real college guys to find out what sort of things guys tend to keep from their girlfriends as well as their girl (space!) friends. Here are just a few of the things that guys could be hiding from you.

1. “I mean, your mom’s cooking isn’t terrible, but…”

Your best friend may drive you crazy at times and you may realize that your mom is a little overbearing, but would guys ever say it to you?

“One thing I would never tell a girl is how annoying her friends are,” says Eric, a senior from Marist College. “Like, even if I can’t stand them. It’s one of those things you just have to put up with.”

Syracuse University graduate Rich* agreed that family was another untouchable subject. “I once told an ex that her dad made me really nervous whenever I was over [at] her house,” he says. “She took it really personally, which was weird, since she was always saying herself that her dad loves to intimidate her and her sister’s boyfriends.”

Our guys agreed that their friends and family aren’t something they’d want you commenting on, so it’s for the best that they avoid talking unfavorably about yours as well. “It’d be such a turnoff if a girl said something critical about my parents or friends,” says Jordan*, a junior from Temple University. “So why would I ever want to say something bad about hers?”

2. “Is your outfit supposed to match, or is that the look you’re going for?”

We’ve all taken risks when it comes to our clothing and hair—and have probably baffled a few guys along the way—but what do guys think about our stylistic choices?

“I’m the first to admit I know nothing about clothes or fashion or whatever, and that’s why I never comment on a girl’s outfit, even if she’s wearing something that I think is completely ugly, because for all I know it’s considered really fashionable,” Eric says.

Though Jake, a recent grad of Boston University, doesn’t care about style so much as fit, he still agrees that clothing choices are something that he shouldn’t comment on. “When I see a girl wearing something really unflattering, especially one of my friends, it can be hard to hold my tongue,” he says. “But I’ve made the mistake of saying something before, and let me tell you, it doesn’t go over well. Girls don’t like to think of guys knowing what looks better on them than they know themselves.”

Quinnipiac University senior Greg has learned that a girl’s style is a subject he should just avoid altogether. “I once asked one of my girl friends why she had decided to dye her hair so dark,” he says. “I hadn’t even really meant it as criticism, but she didn’t exactly see it that way.”

3. “Okay, I’ll admit it: I love watching The Bachelorette just as much as you do.”

How many movies have made your guy cry? According to our sources, that’s for them to know and you to never find out!

Eric explains that if a hobby or preference feels embarrassing, it probably is, and therefore probably should never be revealed to a member of the fairer sex. “My rule of thumb is that if I wouldn’t tell my friends about it, I shouldn’t tell a girl,” he says.

As Boston College grad Zach* says, “Do I like cocktails? Yes. Would I ever order one in a bar in front of a girl? No.”

University of Southern California grad Trent* says that he once told a girl about his habit of Googling cute animal pics when he’s bored in class. “I was hoping she would think I was sensitive and sweet,” he says. “Instead, I think I just managed to weird her out.”

Greg agrees that certain dirty little secrets should remain secret. “A girl might like the idea of her boyfriend watching The Notebook with her, but once he admits that he actually likes it, sh*t just gets weird,” he says.

4. “Yikes. You weren’t kidding when you said you had an awful singing voice.”

Yes, we may have our little insecurities, but our guy would never dare bring them up to us… right?

“Teasing a girl about something you already know she feels insecure about is, like, the worst mistake you can make,” Jake says. “She may tell you that she’s a terrible cook, but you better compliment her cooking anyway, even if it’s really bad.”

Greg found that even jokes that poke fun at collegiettes could end badly. “I joked around with one of my friends once when she took off her shoes, saying that her feet were totally stinking up the room,” he says. “To say that she didn’t take it well would be an understatement.”

Eric ran into similar trouble when he critiqued his girl friend’s driving ability. “Girls can be really touchy,” he says.

Rich says that he does his best to avoid making a girl feel insecure in any capacity. “There’s certain things you say to a girl and certain things you don’t,” he says. “Commenting on the amount of food she eats, how sweaty she gets when she works out, the number of guys she’s been with… you just don’t go there.”

5. “Be honest: Do you think I’ve put on weight?”

Believe it or not, guys fret about their complexions and their waistlines just as much as us girls. But would they ever admit that to you?

“It doesn’t matter if you think you’re too short or too scrawny or that your shirt doesn’t match your pants or whatever, you should never look to a girl for reassurance,” says Zach. “Because then, that girl will start to think to herself, ‘Yeah, he is kind of short.’”

6. “That’s totally something my ex-girlfriend would have said.”

Your guy might have had a relationship or two in the past, but does he know better than to bring them up around you?

Eric says if there’s one thing he’ll never discuss with a girl, it’s an ex. “Even with my platonic relationships it’s something I don’t bring up or talk about,” he explains. “Girls are jealous creatures and they always get weird about that stuff; it’s best just to avoid the topic all together.”

Says Rich, “I had a girlfriend that always wanted to know about my ex. Like, did you ever take her to this restaurant? Or, did you ever buy her a necklace like this? And whenever I answered honestly, it just seemed to get me into trouble. Eventually, I just started avoiding the questions… or lying.”

Jordan agrees about not bringing up an ex. “Girls are always competing against one another and comparing themselves to one another, so it’s natural that they would do so with a guy’s ex-girlfriends,” he says. “But it gets annoying, too. So the less I can make that happen by not saying anything about an ex, the better.”

7. “I had this really hot dream last night about my high school geometry teacher…”

Some things are better left behind closed doors… or in a guy’s head. We all know that guys spend many an hour immersed in some wild fantasy, but would they rather we not know what those fantasies entail?

Trent believes that what happens in a guy’s head should stay in a guy’s head. “The chance that I would tell my girlfriend I had a dream the night before about the really hot girl that lives down the hall from me? Absolutely zero,” he says.

And when it comes to visual aids, Jordan also thinks its best that a girl remains in the dark. “The amount of pornography that I consume—I’m not saying that it’s a lot, I’m just saying—is definitely not something that any girl needs to know,” he says.

As Zach explains, “Guys are pretty gross. We are horny, visual creatures. So there are certain things that girls are better off never knowing about us guys, whether they think they want to know or not.”

Next time you think your guy may be keeping something from you, collegiettes, just remind yourself: it may just be for the best!

*Names have been changed.

Everyone knows that boyfriends come and go, but girl friends are forever. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to deal with the men who enter and exit your BFFs’ lives, whether your friends have had the same boyfriends since high school or are taking advantage of the abundance of guys at school. We’re pretty sure you’ll recognize all of these guys.

1. The High School Boyfriend

Okay, you are done hanging out with these two. For the last time, you don’t care what happened to that guy who was in their homeroom class. He Snapchats her sisters and gives her parents Christmas presents — this guy is your BFF’s #1 at school and at home. Not only does having this guy around ensure a conversation in which you can’t partake, but sometimes they also bring back their other high school friends for a weekend visit. Sounds like a fun night…

2. The Frat Bro

He’s all but got his letters tattooed on his forehead, and you’re pretty confused about how he has any time for her. If it’s time for rush, he disappears faster than Kim Kardashian’s baby fat. He’s got a calendar full of mixers, and he’s more than willing to raid your friend’s (and your) closets for the perfect outfit for his toga party or his ABC swap. Your friend has to learn his fraternity’s colors, and all of the brothers know her by name. She complains about the state of the frat house while her boyfriend works really hard on creating a multi-funnel beer bong.

3. The Bodybuilder

Forget about talking to him unless you’re ready to marvel at how much he can bench. He looks like an Abercrombie ad from the neck down, and your BFF buys him protein powder for every birthday and anniversary. Get ready for her to say, “Oh no, we’re staying in… he has to hit the gym Sunday morning.” You’re happy for her because he’s so attractive, but that kind of beauty comes with a price: listening to how much he bench presses, telling him that yes, his biceps look bigger and that there’s definitely protein in froyo…

4. The One Who’s Basically a Dad

Okay, he’s not a dad… yet. But he sure looks, acts and dresses like one. Wears polos and loafers, loves to grill, will tell corny jokes with no shame whatsoever — you know whom we’re talking about. You’re ready to let him raise your firstborn (and second-born, and third-born) children, but you’re not ready to Mr. Socks-and-Sandals take your BFF to her sorority formal unless he can pull off James Bond’s style (even with Mr. Bean’s jokes).

5. The One With the Perks

Sure, he’s a nice guy. But his SUV is really nice when you’re moving. Or his beach house is really, really nice when you’re trying to get away for the long weekend. And his econ notes are really, really, really nice when you’re trying to ace that midterm. Long story short: You like him, but you really like the other things about him. You just hope that your BFF actually likes him for his personality and not his family’s ski resort in the mountains.

6. The One Who’s One of the Girls

You’re fairly certain he has his own friends, but at this point, you can’t be positive. He’s friends with all the girls in your friend group, and he dresses impeccably. He’s always the one hanging around with you and your girlfriends when you’re trying to GNO, and he’s everything short of painting his nails with you — but your BFF is too nice to let him know that he’s overstaying his welcome. But hey, if he wants to mix the martinis, who’s going to complain?

7. The Nerd

He can be fun to hang out with on Friday night (he totally calculated the curve during beer pong), but you’re also glad to have an ally in your super-tough computer science class this semester. In fact, there are plenty of reasons why nerds make good boyfriends.

He and your friend must talk about homework a lot, but he seems like the sweetest guy, even if sometimes you can’t understand what he’s saying. You’re willing to overlook the chemistry jokes in return for a really nice guy (and help with Python).

There are tons of different types of couples you’ll run into in college; you’re sure to know all of these guys by the time you graduate!

Dating seems to be a hallmark of the college experience; after all, you can meet someone new anywhere on campus, do whatever you want and talk to whomever you desire. But some collegiettes choose to bypass all of that and actively not date. This may seem like a foreign concept to some; why skip out on all of those campus cuties? However, these single collegiettes have some very good reasons for not dating, and they find that making such a big decision doesn’t really affect their friendships or social calendars!

1. Academics

Sarah Joyce, a senior at the University of Florida, chose not to date during her sophomore year because she didn’t do as well academically during my freshman year as she was hoping to. “A huge part of the reason was that I spent too much time trying to pursue a relationship with this guy I’d been dating on and off for a while,” she explains. “It was just a lot of drama, and my grades started to slip.”

Sarah started hitting the books instead of dating, but she felt like spending more time doing work didn’t put a damper on her social life. “It’s not like I locked myself in a corner of the library and never came out!” she says. Sarah still went to parties, hung out with friends and talked to guys.

She found that her close friends didn’t treat her any differently after telling them she was actively not dating; in fact, they were actually super helpful in aiding Sarah with her plan. When a guy once asked one of Sarah’s friends if she was into him or not, “My friend was able to steer him away with a ‘Sarah’s not looking for anything romantic right now’ statement so I didn’t have to, which was a huge relief!” she says.

There’s a lot of pressure to date in college to ensure a “normal” college experience, but Sarah has found that that’s not the case; in fact, she has also decided to continue her non-dating ways into junior year as well as senior year because she found it really helped her stay focused on both school and close friends.

Lucy Cruz, a senior at the University of Florida and a friend of Sarah’s, thinks it’s empowering that Sarah has chosen not to date. “It’s nice to see girls taking control of what they want for themselves, and a lot of people I know who don’t date are still social, fun and interesting,” she says.

Sarah’s biggest piece of advice for collegiettes who choose not to actively date? “Do college on your own terms. The media often paints women who aren’t dating as weird or prude, and that simply isn’t true,” she says. “It’s your experience and your own life!”

2. Religious Beliefs

Carla*, a senior at the University of Minnesota, chose not to date in college due to her Christian faith; she is saving herself for marriage and has chosen not to start dating until after college. She wants to spend her time in school developing close friendships, getting good grades and figuring out what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

Carla also feels like her religious beliefs have not stopped her in the least when it comes to meeting new people and maintaining friendships. She specifically remembers a conversation with a friend who was actually inspired by Carla’s principles and decided to stop dating during college as well.

However, there’s one important tip that Carla has when it comes to not dating in college: make sure you don’t force your ideas or beliefs onto others. It’s okay to make your own decisions, but remember that what’s best for you might not be best for another person.

Carla has made sure to offer her friends the same courtesy that they give her. “I wouldn’t want someone telling me what to do when it comes to my relationships, and my friends have been great about not getting on my case about not dating,” she says. “As long as my friends are not harming themselves or others, I support them in their decisions.”

Kate Masters, a junior at Wesleyan University, had her own experiences with a friend not dating in college, and she reiterates what Carla says about not pushing personal beliefs on other people. “The rest of my friends and I did date guys, and my friend who wasn’t dating anyone was awesome about not telling us what to do or judging us for our actions,” she says. “I really appreciated that, and we’re still super close this year.”

On the other hand, Kate had another friend during freshman year who chose not to date, but she felt like this particular friend judged her. “I once told her that I had kissed a boy at a party, and she instantly went off on me and called me irresponsible,” she says.

3. Focusing on Yourself

College is a transformative time for most students, and you might find yourself wanting to take some time to focus on yourself instead of someone else.

Julie*, a junior at the University of Texas, chose not to date when starting her freshman year due to a lot of turmoil in her personal life. “I had lost a close family friend at the beginning of my freshman year, I was super homesick and I just generally felt disconnected to people around me,” she explains. “I wasn’t emotionally stable, and I definitely didn’t want to bring all of my problems into a hook-up or a relationship.”

Julie definitely feels like she made the right choice. She began seeing a counselor at school and started opening up to people and making close friendships, and she feels like she wouldn’t have been able to do that without actively deciding not to date.

However, Julie says that things weren’t always so smooth. A guy in her friend group asked her out during her freshman year, and when she nicely let him down, stating that she wasn’t looking for anything romantic, he stopped talking to her. “It was sad to lose a friend like that, but if someone doesn’t even want to hang out with me just because I won’t date them, that’s on that person and not me,” she says.

Julie encourages collegiettes to focus on themselves before jumping into a hook-up or relationship. “Even if there’s a super cute guy texting you and saying how much he likes you, think about if that’s really what you need at that moment,” she says. “Guys will come and go, but you’ll always be stuck with yourself. Make sure you’re happy and healthy!”

Overall, choosing not to date in college is perfectly okay! Many collegiettes do it successfully and for a wide variety of reasons. Make sure you define your limits but still have a little fun in the process. Also, as several collegiettes have noted, be respectful of other people’s decisions even if you disagree with them. Dating is a sensitive topic for anyone, and it’s nice to be supportive and open-minded!

*Names have been changed.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I was crushing on this guy for over a year despite the fact that he already had a girlfriend. I was trying to get over him, but eventually I admitted my feelings for him and was brutally shot down. He's single now, and although I've tried to stay friends with him, the things he has said hurt me. I want to move on and also prove to him that he can't walk all over me after shooting me down like he did, and I also don't want to be his second, third or fourth choice. However, a large part of me doesn't want to lose him. I'm torn between being disgusted with him and liking him... help? – Vulnerable at Vanderbilt

You’ve got two options here, Vanderbilt. One: Give up and be try to be his fifth choice. Two: Realize that obviously this guy doesn’t care about your feelings, and move on.

In reality, you only have one option, and it’s that last one. Let’s put this in perspective: You never actually went out with him — you just had a big crush on him — and instead of falling in love with you (as he might have done if this were a teenage romance movie), he shot you down.

The biggest issue here is that you never actually went out with him, nor were you ever actually great friends with the guy — at least, not according to your letter. To him (and even, to some extent, me) you’re a girl who’s had a kind of weird, obsessive crush on him for over a year. You don’t want to lose him? Lose what? I’m gonna roll some bitter reality your way, Vanderbilt: You never had anything to lose in the first place because he was never actually yours.

On the flip side, if he hurt you so much, then he’s just not worth your time. There are ways you go about turning someone down, and doing so brutally isn’t one of those ways. No one wants to be shot down, so the least we can do for one another is cushion the blow by being courteous with our letdowns. You should instead be looking for a guy who actually wants to be with you and make you happy. You don’t want to be his umpteenth choice, but for some reason in the back of your mind, you’re convinced that he and you are supposed to be together.

News flash: You’re not.

Let go and move on to greener pastures.

It’s hard enough trying to figure out what any guy is thinking, but it’s even more difficult to read a shy guy. When you fall for a shy campus cutie, it may not seem easy to figure out if he likes you back.

Some guys are just inherently shy, says Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships. He adds that young women need to “understand that some shyness is embedded in the guy... and some shyness is contextual, i.e. certain situations or groups.” No matter the reason behind your guy’s shyness, our love experts can help you figure out how to make him yours! 

How to Get His Attention

Greif, Jasbina Ahluwalia, founder and CEO of successful matchmaking service Intersections Match, and psychotherapist Mary Waldon all agree that the number one tip for trying to date a shy guy is to take initiative! Whether this means initiating eye contact, a conversation or a date, all of our experts stressed the importance of taking that first step.

When you spot a cute guy across the room and think he might shy, Ahluwalia advises collegiettes to give their shy guy a “green light” by smiling or holding eye contact for a few seconds. This makes it easier for that interested but shy guy to approach you. Unlike more outgoing guys, shy guys might need a confidence-boosting signal from you to give him the courage to make a move.

Even if the shy guy doesn’t return your gaze, Ahluwalia says it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. She assures collegiettes: “Many men are more comfortable side-to-side with another person than facing the other person directly,” she says.

Greif adds that while women like face-to-face activities, “men hang out with their friends through shoulder-to-shoulder activities.” If you show interest from afar but your guy is still too shy to approach you, then the next step is to go up and talk to him!

How to Chat Him Up

After you walk over and make that initial contact, Ahluwalia says that “providing a warm and inviting opening” is the best way to help a shy guy engage you in conversation. “Don't worry if you continue to be more [talkative] than him as you develop your relationship,” she says. “Complementary personalities can be a great match.”

If you have difficulty being outgoing as well, Greif assures collegiettes that that’s totally normal. “Be okay with a little bit of silence,” he says. “People who are getting to know each other may not know how much silence to allow [because] silence can be uncomfortable if it goes on for too long... but talking too much can shut down quiet people, too.” If all else fails, you can always get a shy guy to talk by asking him a question. You probably shouldn’t quiz him on his opinion of the meaning of life, but asking about his favorite sports team can be a great opener.

How to Ask Him Out

If you’re already friends with the shy guy you like, Greif tells collegiettes that while you should be comfortable with initiating a date, you shouldn’t rush things. “Moving from a platonic to a romantic relationship can take time and the ability to read the situation,” he says. This is especially true of shy guys who may guard their emotions more than their more outspoken friends. Waldon agrees that you should take it slow and suggests “low-key interactions such as a daytime study date or tutoring session.” It can be difficult for a shy guy to ask out a girl on an official date, so asking your shy guy to casually hang out clues him in on your interest so he can feel confident to take your interaction to the next level.

Greif says that another great way to get to know a shy guy is to participate in activities that interest you both. “See what the commonalities are between you and the guy,” he says. Greif cautions collegiettes not to get involved in activities that only he likes; he says, “You have to like them too. Finding mutually enjoyable things to do is one way to get to know someone.” Waldon agrees and suggests that you “invite him to a social service or volunteering event that you enjoy— this is something important and meaningful to do and it will give you something to discuss, too.” When your guy is comfortable in his environment or sees you comfortable in yours, the interaction between the two of you will come naturally and easily.

How to Make Him Fall for You

Once you’ve had a few low-key interactions with your shy guy, you and he will both feel comfortable enough for you to invite him to an outing, like a concert or game night, with a small group of friends. Because it’s a group event rather than a one-on-one date, this is a low-pressure way for you to get closer to a shy guy. Once again, you help take the pressure off him because you’re the one who initiated the interaction.

Greif adds that although this will make many shy guys comfortable, “some guys who appear shy are very interested in getting to know people and may feel more comfortable with a quiet talk/one-on-one situation.” A shy guy’s affection may not be obvious, but even the most bashful boy will show his interest with someone who makes him feel comfortable. Although it may take more time for a shy guy to open up, if you follow this guide, he’ll be yours before you know it.

As if flirting weren’t already hard enough, perfecting the art of texting guys could be an Olympic sport! Finding the balance between overbearing and overly casual can be difficult. Not to mention, boys basically speak their own language, so trying to decipher what the heck they’re saying via text is an uphill battle. But there are a few tricks of the trade that make texting guys a little easier. Here are some tips you should follow to hold your own on your phone!

1. Be confident

Whoever said never text a guy first was so wrong. Sure, you shouldn’t have to always start the conversation, but putting yourself out there and getting things started shows confidence.

It can be hard to find a good conversation starter, but the “what’s up?” line has literally zero pizzazz. Being bold can be really attractive to guys, and it sets you apart by making you memorable. Whatever your flirting style is, it’s important to step up to the plate and do your best to hit a home run in texting.

“Some fun ways to flirt include, ‘Can’t stop thinking about last night,’ or, ‘I think I’m blushing today.’ This will show him that you’re attracted to him, and he’ll feel flattered,” says Julie Spira, dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. 

You are awesome, and you have no reason to be nervous about texting a guy. Plus, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take, right? Be confident in yourself and it’ll come across in your texts, making him want you even more.

2. Play it cool

It’s exciting if you’re hitting it off with your crush, but being overly eager is sometimes a red flag for guys. Don’t overwhelm him with novels about your day when he asks how you’re doing. And definitely don’t bombard him with texts if he’s not responding. Double-texting is every guy’s worst nightmare, and you don’t want to come off as desperate or needy, because that’s so not you!

However, please don’t get caught up in trying to play some sort of waiting game to reel him in.

“As far as rules on when to return a text, don’t sit and bite your fingers counting the hours to pretend you’re not available,” Spira says. “If you hear from him and have your phone handy, respond in a reasonable time. This means within a few minutes to one hour. A study from online dating sites ChristianMingle.com and JDate showed that a reasonable response time is one hour or one to three hours. Anything after that sends a message that you’re really not that interested.”

Just be calm, cool and collected, and he’ll be sure to want more.

3. Less is more

An occasional smiley face is one thing, but making a picture story out of emojis is just a little bit excessive. As a rule of thumb, if you think you’re overdoing it, you probably are. Boys aren’t usually as expressive as girls, and, “OMG cool!!!!!!” may seem like enthusiasm to you, but can come off as crazy to guys. Just keep it casual and use emoticons sparingly.

“When it comes to texting and flirting, I always believe that less is more,” Spira says. “If you already have a texting relationship, sending a sweet text saying, ‘Hope you’re having a great day’ or, ‘thinking of you’ will cheer him up while he’s at work. The reason I like to include the word ‘great’ is that most guys have a positive reaction to that word. They’d like to think you’d have a great time with him and that you’re a happy person.”

You can always feel out his texting style and go off of that. But at least for starting things off, hold off on the dancing girl and hair-flip emojis every other text. Texting is an art form, and much like you don’t want to splatter-paint all over the Mona Lisa, it’s not necessary to riddle your conversation with emojis and explanation points.

But of course, when you feel that calling for a specific emoji, it’s okay to fall to temptation. They are tempting and basically the perfect form of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Just try to avoid emoticon overdose.

4. Let him do the texting

Flirting through texts doesn’t have to be some big puzzle. The best way to keep a conversation going is by actually having things to talk about. Ask him simple questions that will make him want to talk. Boys are just like us – they love talking about themselves. It gives you a chance to know him and breaks the ice by basically forcing him to text you back. Giving him open-ended questions keeps the convo flowing, and he’ll enjoy answering them.

However, “remember, guys don’t multitask typically the way that women do, so don’t get upset about quick text messages,” Spira says. “If you want to have a conversation, it’s best to pick up the phone.”

Still, don’t fall prey to fangirling over him and not getting a word in edgewise. He should be asking questions about you, too!

5. Know when to end it

It can be hard trying to wrap up a conversation, but the first step is being able to realize when the convo is fizzling out. If he’s starting to send one-word answers or is taking way too long to text back, then it’s probably time to call it quits. Make a graceful exit with a little bit more than just a. “see you later” or, “talk to you soon” text that still somehow leaves him wanting more. Try to conclude it with the possibility of making future plans.

“Who knows? It might turn into a date that night,” Spira says.

Leave it open for other conversations. Tell him why you have to go or that you’re excited to see him again. And if he responds back, let him have the last word and leave him wanting more.

6. Don’t overanalyze it

There is nothing worse than the “k” kiss of death. It’s like a punch in the gut, and our world comes spiraling down around us. But sometimes we overreact to what in reality was probably a quick text while he was distracted by something else or about to head into the gym. And we know what it’s like to stare at your phone waiting for a response. Why didn’t he text you back? Does he not like you? Is something wrong?

Maybe he just forgot to answer. Maybe he lost his phone. And before you know it, you’ve convinced yourself he was kidnapped by a gang and his phone is at the bottom of a lake. Chances are he’s busy or he forgot to text you back.

“Remember that guys often will respond to a text with a one-word or two-word answer. These may include, ‘ok,’ ‘great’ or ‘hang on,’” Spira says. “Guys don’t really want to see a novel on their mobile phones, so keep it brief to keep him interested. Long-winded text messages appear like heavy drama to a guy, so don’t think he’s not interested if you suggest a place to meet and provide the address and he responds with, ‘too far’ or, ‘sounds good.’”

And don’t torture yourself reading into every text he sends. Texts can be hard to decipher, and you can’t hear his tone, which can really stink.  But you’re gonna drive yourself crazy overanalyzing the conversation. Just let it happen!

7. Be yourself

When it comes down to it, even though you’re letting your thumbs do the talking, you should still be acting like yourself. There’s no point in playing games because you can’t base your relationship with someone off some weird rules someone once made up. This really isn’t rocket science; it’s just the 21^st century’s version of flirting.

Don’t hide behind your phone and pretend to be someone else. If he doesn’t like you for you, he’s really not worth your time anyway. No use stressing yourself out trying to play mind games! You should be basically talking to him just like you would in person, and everything will fall into place.

Whether you’re texting your lifelong crush or that hottie from class for homework help, we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors! If you follow these simple guidelines, you should have no issues texting guys. Be yourself, be cool and be confident, and you’ll be a flirtexting pro!

Few things in life are as complicated as a crush. They can bring out the craziest emotions.

It all starts when you lay eyes on that beautiful, beautiful guy in your mandatory 8 a.m. chemistry lab.

Seriously, did he just bath in gorgeousness this morning and splash on a godly glow aftershave? Like,

You must have him.

But when you catch his eye, you can’t form a sentence. There’s only one thing you can think of…   

He’s flawless and everything you’ve ever wanted. Basically, he’s the perfect guy.

You totally try and play it cool…

…but inside you’re like:

You run home and stalk the hell out him: Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and a detailed Google search. Of course, you like what you see…

…but just to make sure you haven’t missed a detail, you ask your friends to tell you everything they know about him. Now, next time you see him you can oh-so-casually bring up that you both L-O-V-E Drake…

Finally, that glorious day comes when you “unexpectedly” bump into him on campus (please, like you totally don’t have his schedule memorized).

He asks you, “What’s up?” and you totally play it cool, like:

Yep. Nailed it. But what you really want to shout is:

Time to run to class and make a graceful exit. You think you look like this:

But you actually look like this:

So now you’re sitting in class pretending to take notes, when actually you’re planning a spring wedding.

You literally can’t function. You need him to love you.

Then it’s the weekend, and you’re finally ready to make a move.

You spot him at the bar, put on your most sultry look and start to strut over to him.

But wait… he’s with another girl.

How could he?? Does he not care about your future children?!

This relationship is SO over, buddy.

So you grab your friends, sulk back to your dorm and binge on junk food and romantic movies.

Your life is literally over. You might as well give up now…

Is love too much to ask for?

But then in another class, you lay eyes on a new beautiful, beautiful hunk and it’s like the last guy never existed—you’re giddy all over again.

Because seriously, this guy definitely bathed in gorgeousness this morning.

What is it like when you have a life-altering crush, collegiettes?

There’s nothing worse than having your schedule get in the way of spending time with your significant other. When life becomes stressful, it may be hard to find the time to show your partner how important he or she really is. You don’t always have to plan a big, elaborate date night; sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most.

Don’t let your relationship suffer due to a hectic semester! The next time you find yourself caught up in everyday stress, try these simple tricks to show your partner how much you value him or her.

1. Send a handwritten letter. When was the last time you received one of those?

2. Put together a care package full of his or her favorite treats. Don’t forget the cookies, brownies and carry-to-class snacks!

3. Send goodnight and good-morning texts. It’s always nice to start or end the day with your significant other on your mind.

4. Order takeout from your sweetie’s favorite restaurant. You can’t go wrong with pizza or Chinese.

5. Buy your SO a coffee for studying. This is the perfect pick-me-up, and it won’t cost you much.

6. Make a playlist with your SO’s favorite songs. Remember those old-school mix CDs you used to share in middle school? Share your Spotify playlist of tunes that express how you feel.

7. Share a funny photo that reminds you of one of your inside jokes. This is guaranteed to make your SO smile.

8. Leave little notes in your SO’s textbooks or backpack. For a nice surprise, you can hide sticky-note messages where they’re likely to be found.

9. Surprise your SO with a DVD. If you can’t find the time for a night out at the movies, bring the movie to your SO.

10. Pick up the latest issue of your SO’s favorite magazine. Making the effort to remember little details like this is important and will let your partner know you were thinking of him or her.

11. Create a DIY coupon book. This is a fun and easy way to make up for any lost time while your schedules don’t exactly match up. Make a little book of things you want to do together (such as ice cream dates, breakfast in bed, etc.), and give it to him or her!

12. Make a mason jar craft. Write down your favorite memories together or what you love about your SO on strips of paper and put them in the jar.

13.Buy a box of your SO’s favorite candy. This is a simple (and sweet) way to show you care.

14. Write encouraging messages in your SO’s calendar. This is great for the days when classes get overwhelming.

15. Plan a study date at library. This way you can see each other while also getting your own work out of the way.

16.Frame your favorite picture of the two of you. Bonus points if the frame is hand-decorated!

17. Join your SO on daily errands. Have a jam-packed day with lots of places to go? Ask your significant other to tag along. You can spend time together while being productive as well!

With dating experts giving us advice for our love lives left and right, it's easy to find ourselves torn between competing dating rules. Should you make the first move or play hard to get? Should you reveal your true self on the first date or hold back the baggage? And are matters of the heart as black and white as some rules make them out to be? We spoke to three different dating experts for the final answers to our most confusing dating rules!

“Never settle” VS. “Don’t be too picky”

We’re always told that we should have high standards and never settle for less. We’re also told that our standards are sky-high and our definition of “the best” doesn’t exist. So which piece of advice do we follow?

“If you don't find anyone attractive, you're being too picky,” says Lisa Shield, a Los Angeles-based relationship coach. “There are tons of great people out there but you have to open up and let people in. One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking that if they make an elaborate list of what they want in a partner, it will help them will get what they want. Usually, this can weed out too many prospects because no one can fit the entire bill.” Still, it’s important to keep your standards, especially if they concern your core values, which are the defining principles that make you who you are; like religion, politics, marriage, or monogamy. These are what Shield calls “non-negotiables,” although she advises against having more than five.

Christine Hart, a dating coach based in Toronto, suggests making a list of minimum requirements so that you can get rid of excessive, and maybe unnecessary, qualifications on your list. She suggests focusing the minimum requirements on his character traits and how they will affect your life. “You won’t be too picky if you stay [true] to the character of the guy and give way to how he’s going to show up in your life.”

“Play hard to get” VS. “Make the first move”

You don’t want to seem too eager or you’ll scare him off but at the same time, you don’t want to come off as uninterested and lose your chance altogether. These are two fears that have been instilled in us since our middle school days. Girls are told that guys like the chase, but what about the shy guy who prefers a girl who makes things easy for him?

Adrian DeTorres from the University of British Columbia prefers it if a girl plays hard to get—to an extent. “I think it would be interesting to have the girl make the first move. Ultimately, I prefer if they play hard to get, [it's] more exciting.”

Make sure you let the guy know you’re into him. Let the guy pursue you and give you a call—just don’t play mind games. “It’s up to you to let him know if you’re interested and then he can take it from there,” says Hart, who believes in good old-fashioned courtship.

“Don't sleep with a guy until you've been exclusive for three months” VS. “Sleep with your date whenever it feels right”

Love and relationship experts have suggested various waiting times for when it’s appropriate to first sleep with the guy you’ve been dating. We’ve seen it range from three dates to three months to even six months. So is there really a certain amount of time you should wait before hopping in bed with your guy?

The experts say that depends on what you want. If you want a boyfriend, both Shield and Hart agree that you should not have sex for the purpose of getting a meaningful relationship. Although their waiting times vary (four months for Hart, six to eight weeks for Shield), they both agree that it’s important to take it slow. “I don’t think you should sleep with someone until you can honestly say ‘I can be myself around this person and he accepts me for who I am.’ If you can’t say [that], then you shouldn’t be sleeping with him,” says Hart.

“Opposites attract” VS. “Date people with common interests”

So he’s Jewish and you’re Muslim; he’s outgoing and you’re an introvert; he’s a business major and you’re in art school. The attraction is there, but will it work? They say that you should date someone with similar interests and beliefs, because you’ll have more to talk about. But others say that opposites attract for a reason and that dating someone too similar could get annoying.

“If you’re going about trying to get someone attracted by harping on what your common interests are, it’s not [going to] work because that only matters after you’ve created attraction,” says Scot McKay of dating and relationships advice company X & Y Communications.

In other words, it doesn’t matter how similar your lives may seem. If you’re not attracted to a person, you’re not going to date them, no matter how much you both love cooking or The Office. You should not put as much focus on similarities, instead, you should question how the guy makes you feel, says Hart. Ask yourself whether you feel good about yourself around him and focus on his character traits.“Interests, I find, don’t hold a lot of weight because the common interests could easily go by the wayside.”

“Be upfront about who you are” VS. “Hold back your baggage”

When it comes to crazy ex-boyfriends, money troubles or criminal records, many dating rules advise us to keep shut on the first date. But others tell us to be open about our past and present so that we don't waste our time with someone who won't stick around because of things we can't change.

“You might feel like you're making a deep connection with a date when you open up and share the private intimate details of your life, but this can actually turn someone off,” says Shield. “I would be careful about sharing TMI [too much information] right away. Less is more. If you do share something heavy, keep it short and always put a positive spin on it.”

When taking in dating advice, look into the reasons behind the rules and why they were made in the first place. Remember, rules differ because opinions and values differ. If they don’t fit your beliefs, don’t fret. Think of these “dating rules” as simple suggestions, not laws to live by!

You made it. You successfully battled through the limbo between friends and potentially something more. You survived the awkward, “Does he like me, or is it just my imagination?” phase. And you’re 97 percent sure that he is seriously digging you, but you can’t tell if he’s ready to take things to the next level and commit to you exclusively. Well, if he is showing any of the following signs, he may be ready to seal the deal and be your boyfriend.

1. He texts you on the reg

Men can be much simpler to decipher than women. Guys don’t waste time on things that are unimportant to them, especially when it comes to texting. Unlike collegiettes who sometimes feel the need to give everyone the time of day, guys don’t put in any more energy than is necessary.

When Brad, a junior at Emory University, wanted to show his now-girlfriend, Caitlin, that he was interested in being with her exclusively, he texted her like he was already in a relationship with her.

“I would text her each morning with a simple, ‘Good morning!’ and then again around dinner and once more before going to bed,” Brad says. “I just wanted her to know that I was thinking about her throughout the day.”

He certainly doesn’t text his friends, “Good morning, beautiful!” or, “I hope you have a good day! Good luck on your history exam!” When he remembers the little details, not only was he thinking about you, but he also genuinely wants you to be happy. By taking the time out to shoot you a quick text, he’s showing you that it’s no trouble at all for him to pause between rounds of Mario Kart to bring a smile to your face. And that’s a big deal.

2. He remembers the little things

He often can’t remember what he ate for dinner last night or even to feed his betta fish before leaving the house each morning, so that makes the fact that he remembered your favorite flavor of frozen yogurt that much more special. And he even added chocolate chips and gummy bears, just the way you like it!

Jasmine, a sophomore at Missouri State University, knew her now-boyfriend was going to stick around once he surprised her with a night full of her favorite things.

“It was perfect,” she says. “He picked me up and took me roller-skating, something I’d said I always wanted to do but had never actually done. And then he bought me my favorite ice cream and took me to where we had our first date. That’s where he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Because you’re important to him, the little things about you are important to him as well. Your favorite ice cream flavor, the way you like lemon with your water at restaurants and even landmarks where you shared some cool moments together are stored in a special place in his mind. It’s the knowledge he taps into whenever he wants to seem irresistibly thoughtful and cute, and it works every time. Remembering the little things is what sets him apart from the rest. 

3. He shows how he feels through body language

Unlike the creep from the bar last night who was too close for comfort, your hunk knows just want to get a little closer to you. His body language says it all. At a crowded party, he slides closer to you almost unperceptively and whispers that you look beautiful. He pulls you into him, welcoming you to lean on his chest while you’re watching a movie. And he puts a little extra oomph into that goodnight kiss, upping the ante every time and making each kiss better than the last.

Sophia knew her boyfriend wanted to be something more because “he was such a cuddler.”  She says, “It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced with a guy before. We would be watching a movie and cuddling, of course. But then the movie would end and the cuddling wouldn’t. We could just lay like that and talk for hours without doing anything else.”

Actions speak louder than words. And often, so does body language. If he’s consistently the one to initiate holding hands or even cuddling on the couch, he likes you. Guys don’t show their lovey-dovey side to just anybody.

4. He slips compliments into typical conversation

Guys don’t usually associate themselves with the word “feelings.” So when they say something that hints at their feelings for you, it’s important.

His feelings could be conveyed in a fleeting compliment as simple as, “You smell nice.” But when you translate that, he’s actually saying, “I like you. Let’s do this thing.”

When he wanted to ask his current girlfriend to go out with him, Derrick, a sophomore at the University of Chicago, wasn’t quite sure how to go about it at first. “I did the only thing I could think of at the time: I would just tell Caroline [his girlfriend] what I liked about her, and it worked,” he says.

Those compliments that you brush off without a second thought? Give them that second thought! He worked up to the courage to compliment the way the sun makes your hair a little more golden and your eyes a little brighter. Take it to heart. He means it and wants you to know he notices the little things that make you sparkle in his eyes.

5. He does things he wouldn’t normally do

He’ll learn to love Bravo and memorize all the shows on that channel. That’s what Abby, a junior at Loyola University Chicago, says her boyfriend did. “I knew he really liked me when he would come over and watch Real Housewives with me,” she says. “And eventually, even though I already knew it was coming, he just came right out and told me how he felt. He was pretty clear about his feelings for me, whether or not he knew it at the time.”

Even if he may think he’s being stealthy about his slick moves to win you over, you know what he’s up to. He’s not walking 20 minutes across campus to study with his friends. He’s not helping his friends move in a million boxes to their new apartments. He’s different with you, and he wants you to realize that he’s different with you.

Whether he’s texting you cute “Good morning!” texts or simply complimenting how particularly nice you look today, he’s showing that he’s into you. And not only that, but he wants to continue letting you know how much he likes you—but in a more committed relationship. He likes it, and he’s going to put a [label] on it.

You’ve been in a relationship for a while now, and you thought it was working out fine, until one day it hit you – something felt off. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, so you decided to ignore it, but now you’re starting to have serious doubts about your future as a couple. Maybe you find yourself enjoying the security of your relationship more than actually being with your SO, or maybe you’re hanging onto the wrong person for fear of not finding anyone else. To help you decide what to do, here are six signs that say it's time to move on.

1. You want the security

When you’ve been with someone a long time, imagining life without him or her can be terrifying. Perhaps you’ve noticed some signs that your SO isn’t right for you, but you’re afraid of losing a partner and a friend.

Abby, a junior at Columbia College, started dating her best friend her junior year of high school. “We continued to date three years after that,” Abby says. “I realized we weren’t right together when I went away to college and we had to do the long-distance thing. I realized I was hanging onto the relationship more because of the comfortableness of it and security it brought me.”

For Abby, staying with her boyfriend was easier at first. “I felt since I was in a long-term relationship, I was a lot more mature and ready to grow up, and I was scared I would lose that maturity when we broke up,” she says.

Thankfully, it turned out that Abby’s worries were unfounded. “Now that we’re broken up, we’re both much happier and it’s only made me realize more that we weren’t meant to stay together,” she says.

Losing someone who has been so important in your life will not be easy, but if your instinct tells you that something is wrong, you need to trust it, says Carole Lieberman, M.D., a Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author.

“If you keep sensing that the relationship you're in is not right, even if you can't yet put your finger on why, ask your boyfriend for some time off,” Lieberman says. “Then see how you feel when you put some distance between you and can get a better perspective.”

2. You don’t want to be alone

If you’re used to being in a relationship or you’ve been single for a while, you might start to feel lonely. This could lead you to stay with the wrong person for fear of never finding anyone better. “Women often stay in bad relationships for many reasons, such as being afraid of not finding a better boyfriend and being alone,” Lieberman says. “They convince themselves that even a selfish, boring or abusive boyfriend is better than no boyfriend at all.” But even if your SO is perfectly nice, you shouldn't stay with him or her if it doesn't feel right.

Beyond pure loneliness, staying with the wrong person could be a sign of low self-esteem, according to Marla Martenson, a matchmaker, author and speaker. “I have heard women say, 'If I leave, I will never find anyone else,'” Martenson says. “This is so far from the truth, but in the moment, it feels like he is the only guy on the planet that would commit to her.”

Isobel*, a junior at Illinois State University, was once in this situation. “I was in a relationship for a long time [partly] because I didn't think there was anything else out there,” she says. “Even though the relationship was bad and we kept fighting, I didn't want to end it.”

So if you find yourself holding onto someone simply because you’re scared of being alone, remind yourself that you will find the right person eventually. And you can’t do that if you’re with the wrong one.

3. You don’t want to lose your SO’s friends or family

If you got close to your partner's friends or family in the course of your relationship, it can make the idea of breaking up that much harder. This happened to Isobel, who says, “When you break up with someone and you're close to their family, you feel like you're breaking up with 25 people.”

Even if you care about your SO, your affection for the people around him might be delaying an inevitable breakup. “I was recently dating a guy who I liked a lot, but I knew deep down the relationship didn't have long-term potential,” says Allie*, a senior at the University of Michigan. “I stayed with him for longer than I should have because … I loved his family!”

Be honest with yourself: If you know something is wrong, don't stick around just because you love your SO's entourage and don’t want to lose them. “Getting along with my boyfriend's family is so crucial to me, that when I had found someone who had a family I fit in with so well, it made me overlook the signs that he and I weren't meant to be,” Allie says. “I inevitably ended things because he and I didn't have the connection needed to sustain the relationship.”

Even though losing so many people at once will be difficult, nothing can justify staying in a relationship you know isn't meant to be.

4. You’re using your SO

Perhaps your SO brings you something that you wouldn't have without him or her, whether it's help with homework or a higher social status. This is great– unless it becomes the only reason you stay in the relationship.

According to Dana Corey, a relationship expert, girls often worry about losing their social status if they break up with their partners. But you might also be worried about losing other perks that come with being in a relationship, even if you're not fully aware of it.

Lola*, a sophomore at Denison University, dated a guy for two years but realized after one year that she didn't like him anymore. “He was extraordinarily clingy and needy, but I stayed with him an entire year afterwards,” Lola says. “I now realize that I was using him for help with my classes, because he was originally my tutor.”

Although you are probably aware that you are using your SO, you might not admit it to yourself – especially if the benefits seem to outweigh the costs of staying with him or her. However, “at the most basic level, relationships are about give and take,” says Jodi R. R. Smith, president and owner of Mannersmith Consulting. “But as a confident college woman, once you are only enjoying the perks and not the SO, it is time to move onto the next relationship.”

5. You’re scared of breaking up

Maybe you know that your relationship isn't working out, but the thought of breaking up terrifies you. That being said, “the fear of what might happen when you break up is not enough of a reason to stay,” Smith says. “If you simply fear making the other person sad, know that they will be equally sad to find out you do not love them the way they deserve to be loved. If you fear them yelling at you, find a neutral spot where others are about so that he/she will be less likely to yell.”

Lola knew a breakup was much needed, but she found herself delaying it that extra year. “I was scared he would grieve too badly and would need me too much if I wasn't there,” she says. “I was scared that he would hurt himself, or that he would hate me for hurting him.” As soon as a situation like this arises, you should talk to a school counselor about how to get yourself out of this relationship.

Lola’s relationship was a very serious case, but breaking up is never easy. However, “the sooner you address the conversation, the least amount of pain there will be,” Corey says. “Unless breaking up is mutual, there is going to be pain.”

So, yes, breaking up will most likely hurt both you and your SO, but “too many women take this as a sign that they shouldn't break up with someone who really isn't right for them,” Corey says. “Sadness is normal. Feel the grief, and then move on.”

Lola's relationship is proof that delaying a breakup will be harmful to both partners. “The relationship really hurt me because I didn’t want to be in it,” she says. “He brainwashed me into thinking that if I ever broke up with him, he would become a total mess and basically lose his mind.” It took therapy for Lola to build up the courage to break up with her ex, which goes to show just how difficult this situation can be. But if you know that you need to get out of your current relationship, you should take all the necessary measures to do so.

Claire*, a senior at Notre Dame University, would definitely agree. “I stayed with a guy for way too long out of guilt,” she says. “He was always complaining about how girls never liked him and how he would end up alone. The long, drawn-out breakup was awful but necessary!”

6. You think your SO will change

Emily*, a senior at Oklahoma State University, once dated a guy even though he was rude and made fun of the friend who had introduced them originally. “I really didn't like him, but I will give it to him that he was very handsome,” Emily says of first meeting her ex. So when she heard that this guy thought she was cute, she tried flirting with him despite her negative first impression. One thing lead to another, and the two of them started going out a few months later.

Emily had ignored her ex's insensitivity, but sure enough, “he began to be rude and sarcastic” with her, the same way he had acted with her friend. Corey says that “many women feel the inkling of an intuitive 'red flag,' but ignore it out of a mistaken idea that [their SO] will change or that [they are] the one who can change him.”

But, according to Martenson, you could also blame your hormones. “The guy who is sooo cute, sooo sexy, but sooo bad for you is hard to resist,” she warns. “I did it myself – I married the wrong guy because he was gorgeous and French. He treated me like crap, but my common sense flew right out the window when I looked into his green eyes and heard that French accent.”

Aside from showing us that even love experts make mistakes, Martenson's experience taught her the value of respect. “If your guy is respectful of you and accepts you for who you are, he is a gem and someone to hold onto,” she says.

For your SO to behave badly is one thing, but for you to think you can change him or her is another. “You cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness,” Smith says. “The only way the other person is going to change is when he/she is good and ready. You staying will likely perpetuate the bad behavior. By leaving, you change the dynamic and give the person an incentive [to change his/her attitude].”

You can't stay in a bad relationship in the hopes that your SO will change overnight. If you really want him or her to evolve, Smith advises that you recommend counseling or self-help books to him or her—if you are comfortable enough to do so—but sticking around will only make matters worse.

According to Lieberman, “a relationship that's working feels light, easy and fun, like waking up to a bright spring morning with lots of promise in the air.” If you can't relate to her swoon-worthy words or if you recognize yourself in any of the signs we listed, it could be time for you to break off a dead-end relationship. Although breaking up is hard and nobody wants to be alone, keep in mind that in the long run, both of these options will trump staying with the wrong person any day.

*Names have been changed.

Whether he’s stringing you along, trying to avoid drama or keeping you in the dark about the other girl he’s seeing, guys lie all the time. We can spend the better part of a day trying to determine if he really was studying last night, like he said he was.

We all know the signs that tell us someone’s lying: he looks to the left, he ruffles his hair, he stutters a lot or he shows other signs of nervousness.  Unfortunately, these are popular misconceptions and may not always mean that your guy is lying. Catching someone in a lie is much more difficult and requires a lot more than being able to tell whether or not his eye just twitched.

But fear not, collegiettes! We spoke with relationship experts and discovered a few strategies to help you tell if he’s being less than truthful.

1. Establish his “baseline”

In the heat of the moment, we may be very focused on figuring out, “Is this guy lying to me?” But before we can determine that, we have to know how he usually responds.

Human behavior and relationship expert Patrick Wanis suggests establishing your guy’s “baseline.” This is how he usually responds in any given setting. When you’re in a relationship with a guy, it’s pretty easy to determine his baseline. You spend a lot of time with him, so you already know how he normally reacts to most situations.

If you need help establishing a guy’s baseline, ask him a few simple questions, and then pay close attention to how he answers. “Listen to the way he responds,” Wanis says. “Listen to his tone of voice. Listen to the pacing in between words – how long does he pause? The questions may have no real significance in terms of the rest of the conversation, but they are important in that you wouldn’t expect him to lie about these things.”

Start with casual questions, like how his classes were that day or what he had for breakfast. This way, when you ask what you really want to know (“Were you with Sally last night?”), you can compare his reaction to his baseline. Did his tone of voice completely shift? Were there any signs of nervousness? Was he extraordinarily adamant when he answered? If so, there’s a good chance he’s lying.

2. Assess his body language

While refusing to make eye contact might not be a dead giveaway that your guy is lying, there are a few signs that should raise your suspicion.

Wanis offers a few examples: “Let’s say that a guy says something untruthful and then straight away rubs his nose. That can mean that he’s lying. Or a guy can say something, but he’s half-covering his mouth with his hand. Why? He’s either withholding something he really wants to tell you, or he’s telling you a half-truth. He doesn’t want all the words to come out. It’s a symbolic gesture. Touching the nose can mean, ‘Even I’m disgusted with what I just said.’”

Be on the lookout for any other behaviors that are unusual or unnatural for your guy, such as fidgeting, running his hands through his hair, tapping his fingers or kicking his legs about. These actions can mean that he’s agitated and wants to get away.

However, keep your guy’s baseline in mind: If he has a habit of rubbing his nose all the time or is a fidgety person by nature, then those things may not be signs of lying for him. Even signs of agitation may not automatically prove that he’s lying.

“Is the agitation because he’s being questioned, or because he’s done something wrong?” Wanis says. “You have to decide that.”

3. Check his story for consistency

You’ve asked your guy why he couldn’t see you last night, and he recounts a list of events explaining why he couldn’t meet up. A quick way to check if he’s lying? Get him to repeat the story, but backwards.

“Some people who are skilled liars will practice or rehearse their lies, but they don’t remember them back to front,” Wanis explains. “The reason it’s hard to establish proper chronology is because it’s not real. If I were to say to you, ‘Tell me now in reverse order what you did today going back to 7 o’clock this morning,’ your mind knows how to do this because it has a timeline. But if you’re trying to make up something, it’s harder because you have to think backwards. That ‘timeline’ doesn’t exist, so you actually have to create more lies, not just one.”

So, what were you doing last night? You stayed home? What time did you go to bed, then? What did you do before that? Ask him to replay his story, from back to front. If he slips up, he’s probably lying.

4. Watch out for defensive/evasive behavior

If your guy is doing anything he can to steer the topic of the conversation away from himself, there’s a good chance that he’s hiding something.

Carole Lieberman, M.D., Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them, says that elusive behavior is a glaring sign. “Seriously, if he isn’t looking you in the eye, or if he is trying to kiss you so you can’t keep asking him questions, these are frequently red flags,” she says.

Wanis also suggests being aware if your guy starts to get defensive or turns the situation onto you. At the extreme, he may make statements such as, “You’re being stupid and paranoid,” or, “Why would you say this? You don’t trust me.” Guys who are telling the truth will have no reason to get defensive.

However, be careful of making very harsh accusations against your guy. His defensiveness can simply be a reaction to being accused, especially if he feels he’s about to lose something valuable to him – you.

5. Trust your gut

We’ve all heard about “women’s intuition,” and catching your guy in a lie is one situation when it’s a good idea to listen to your gut.

As a relationship expert, Wanis has worked with hundreds of women, many of whom were victims of cheating. When asked how they knew, several women said they simply had a feeling, only to find out months later that it was true. “If your gut feeling tells you he’s cheated, even if the evidence tells you otherwise, then I guarantee you he has cheated,” Wanis says.

While talking to your guy, listen for the intent behind his message. Does everything seem to add up? Does something strike you as odd or make you uneasy, even if you can’t articulate why? If anything feels just a little bit off, pay attention.

So, what now?

So, your guy has admitted to lying to you – now what?

The first thing you should do is to remain calm; getting upset will only complicate things further. “Don’t react with anger, nagging or pouting when he does tell you the truth,” Lieberman says. “This will discourage him from being truthful in the future.”

Instead, thank him for being honest with you. Talk with him to see why he felt the need to lie, and determine what the two of you can do to prevent it from happening again. “Ask him why he thinks he has to lie to you instead of just telling you the truth,” Lieberman says. “What is he afraid will happen? Tell him that you would much rather know the truth, even if he thinks it will make you sad or angry.”

However, if you’ve tried being honest with your partner and he’s not reciprocating, it may be time to end the relationship. “If your guy lies often – and you have tried to get to the bottom of it and nothing helps – then get out!” Lieberman says. “If he has this little respect for you, the relationship is going nowhere.” If your guy isn’t going to take your feelings into account, then you’re wasting your time.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I am terrible at telling whether or not guys are flirting with me. I just can't tell. I've known this guy for years and just realized recently that I have stronger feelings for him, but I can't read his signals. He hugs me, pokes me and always looks deep into my eyes. But maybe he means it in a friendly way. How do you tell the difference? He always says we have to do all these things, and then we never do, and he always just drops from the conversation over text. But in person, we never stop talking and laughing. What does he want from me? Does he like me the same way? I just don't know how to tell. –Oblivious at Oregon State

Ah, yes, the “friendliness vs. flirtation” dilemma. I used to have this problem all the time. Is the barista flirting with me, or is she just being nice because I’m a customer? Did the bartender pour me extra because she thinks I’m cute, or because she can see I’m stressed out? Where does the line get drawn, and just how thin is that line?

It’s pretty thin, Oregon, which explains why so many people get it confused.

What does any of this have to do with your case? Deep stares and hugs don’t always equate to wanting someone romantically. As a guy, I can fully testify to just staring off into the distance sometimes. On occasion, a certain barista might be in that field of vision and think I’m staring at her. Sometimes I am (if she’s super cute, I can’t help it), but most of the time, I’m just thinking. Deep, unfocused stares can get misinterpreted as deep, loving stares depending on who walks by.

As far as the hugging and poking, sometimes people are just super friendly, and that’s how they show their friendly affection.

I’m not saying there aren’t signs that a guy might be interested in a girl, but I don’t believe there are blanket signs of interest. Smiling, laughing, consistent physical contact—sure, those are things that could be signs of his interest, but it’s hardly a guarantee. This goes for both sexes, though; I’ve had girls tell me they had been dropping hints long before I ever made a move.

But don’t get discouraged! I have good news: He might actually like you! The only downside with that is that he probably doesn’t know how to address it, because, as I’ve said many times before, many men are afraid of getting shot down. A lot of men tout the, “Nah, bro, you just gotta go up to her” attitude, but when push comes to shove, they feel just as bummed when a girl walks away from them.

I’ll take a break from my usual lesson here (“You should make the first move instead!” and, “You’ll never know if you don’t ask him!”) and just tell you to keep doing what you’re doing, but maybe push him to actually follow through on these theoretical plans. If anything, you should try turning up your “flirt volume” a little bit.

Just because things drop off when you’re texting doesn’t mean the chemistry isn’t there. What you should be focusing on is the fact that you two have great IRL chemistry! Keep that going, and I’m pretty sure that he’ll eventually gather up the guts to make a move. 

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether or not you and your significant other are on the same page about how serious your relationship is. You can’t rely on your Facebook relationship status to sum up how you feel about each other! You may have had “the talk” already, but how serious is your commitment to each other?

Getting signals from your partner may be confusing and leave you wondering if you’ll have a future together. Look for these signs that you two are in it for the long haul!

1. You want to be with each other 24/7

You and your partner are attached at the hip, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Being inseparable from your significant other is a positive sign that things are getting more serious. Making time for each other even if it means giving up other things is proof that you not only want to be in each other’s lives; you need to be in each other’s lives.

According to relationship expert Dr. Seth Meyers, “The best way to determine that the relationship is getting more serious is when you feel that the two of you are establishing a true bond where you need each other and help each other feel better when either of you is upset.”

2. Your partner drops hints about the future

Talking in future tense is an encouraging sign that you and your SO are looking towards the future. “If you've been dating someone exclusively for several months and they mention future plans for living together and so forth, it's safe to assume that your partner truly wants to invest in the future of your relationship together,” Dr. Meyers says.

Referring to your potential plans as “when” instead of “if” implies that you’re both confident about the future and can see each other in it. The next time your SO talks about future living arrangements or career opportunities, pay close attention to see if you might be a part of that.

3. You’ve stuck it out together

The length of time you’ve been together is a great indicator of how serious things are. “You have broken some of those early-dating hurdles: You've passed the one-month mark, the three-month mark, the six-month mark and so on,” Dr. Meyers says.

It may seem like an obvious sign, but since you’ve already been through a lot together, there’s a good chance your relationship will evolve even more. If your relationship still feels fresh and exciting, you two are likely to have a long road ahead.

4. You’re willing to make it work no matter what

Schedules, distance, work and many other obstacles can put a damper on your relationship. It’s when you make the commitment to always make time for each other that you know the relationship has gotten serious.

Rachel Petty, a sophomore at James Madison University, has felt her relationship become more serious even though it’s long distance. “My boyfriend goes to school in Rhode Island and I go to school in Virginia, so I knew it was getting serious when we decided to be long distance,” she says. “We spend the time and money to visit each other, so I know we're in for real.”

Putting in the time and effort to maintain a relationship from separate places shows a new level of commitment.

5. You can be yourself around your SO — no pressure

Who says you have to always dress to impress? When there are no secrets and you don’t feel the need to be fully made up in front of your SO, that’s a good sign.

“When I felt like I didn’t have to wear makeup around my boyfriend, that’s when I felt less pressure and realized we liked one another for real reasons,” says Elizabeth Stiller, a junior at Michigan State University. “When you can be vulnerable with the other person, that’s when it feels real.”

Feeling comfortable enough to hang around each other in sweatpants is actually pretty important.

If you see these signs in your relationship, you and your SO are likely in it for the long haul! Congrats on finding someone pretty amazing.

Maybe you've been seeing your significant other for a few months, or maybe you've been dating for years; either way, the two of you are *~*meant to be*~*. As the saying goes, "When you know, you know," but you two really know. Like, it's scary. 

1. Your SO knows when you're in the mood for pizza without you even having to say a word.

This comes in handy more often than you would think. 

2. Your SO lets you choose your couples costume for Halloween. 

And understands that you plan on winning any and all costume contests. 

3. He or she has indulged you in debating which television couple the two of you are. 

Lilypad + Marshmallow 4 lyfe. 

4. Your SO is totally okay with your date nights looking like this:

Netflix is your third wheel, and you're both okay with that. 

5. Your SO will always share his or her food with you. 

Because your SO knows that, next to him or her, food is your true love. 

6. He or she always listens to you when you overreact. 

It's really just a matter of letting you vent for a few minutes, but minutes sometimes feel like hours.

7. But your SO also knows when it's time to tell you to shut up. 

Which is just as important. 

8. Your SO understands the importance of making an entrance. 

#powercouple

9. He or she is not weirded out by a strange Snapchat from you... and will probably reply with a stranger one. 

It's really a miracle you're still together.

10. Your SO has seen you at your worst. 

So you now you can both let your natural beauty shine through.

11. You've both discussed all of the fun you'll have growing old together. 

But you laugh at the thought of the two of you with wrinkles. 

The temperature is dropping, and Halloween is just around the corner. This can only mean one thing — you need a costume!

Deciding what to be for Halloween can be stressful or a lot of fun. If you’re looking for an adorable couples Halloween costume for you and your SO, you’ve come to the right place. Check out the cutest couples Halloween costumes and how to properly dress for them. There’s something in here for everyone!

1. Salt and pepper

For a classic costume that’s sure to make people laugh, dress up as salt and pepper!

“My girlfriend and I are dressing as salt and pepper, and our dog is going to be paprika,” says Magdalene Cazarez, a sophomore at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. All you need for this simple costume is all-white and all-black outfits with cutout letters (S and P, of course). Throw on a beanie or a silver colander (or dress your dog as Paprika) to make the costume even cuter!

2. Forrest Gump and Jenny

Since this year was the 20^th anniversary of the release of Forrest Gump, Forrest and Jenny are cute costumes to wear. For Jenny, a long dress and hippie accessories will do the trick. Try boots, a cardigan, a long bag or a flower headband. For Forrest, a blue, checkered shirt and a khaki jacket and dress pants are all you need. Red baseball cap is optional!

3. Anna and Kristoff from Frozen

For any Frozen lovers (all of us, duh!), Anna and Kristoff is an adorable couples costume. Anna can be complete with braids (get a wig if your hair isn’t red) and a long, blue dress with a pink shawl. Your BF can look like Kristoff in no time with a beanie and a fur-trimmed shirt worn over a long-sleeved shirt.

4. Tris and Four from Divergent

For a fierce costume, dress up as Tris and Four from Divergent. These costumes are easy and comfortable and can be achieved with all-black outfits. To be Tris during her training stage, wear black and gray workout clothes and put your hair in a ponytail. For Four, have your BF wear black pants and a black leather jacket. Carry toy guns for props if you want to be Tris and Four when they’re going into battle.

5. Mario and Princess Peach

If you and your SO are video-game lovers, Mario and Princess Peach are perfect for you! Your BF likely already has shorts, shirts, socks and shoes that will work for this outfit; all he needs is a Mario hat and a fake moustache from a party store. All Princess Peach needs is a pink dress, white gloves and a crown!

If you and your SO are wearing your costumes with confidence, you’re bound to look amazing and have an awesome Halloween. Happy trick-or-treating (or whatever you may be doing)!

Have a cute couples costume idea? Share it with us in the comments below!

We get it: There are few things more terrifying than getting up the nerve to talk to your crush. What if he or she is sitting with friends and they start giggling to one another? What if you have food on your face? What if you freeze up and break out in hives?!

But what if none of that happens and it ends up being the start of something amazing?

Collegiettes, there are only a finite number of opportunities you will have to interact with that guy or girl you’ve been crushing on since freshman year, so make the most of them! To help you work up the courage to go talk to your crush, Her Campus is here to give you five reasons you need to hurry up and get your flirt on.

1. Your crush might be thinking the same thing

So you’re sitting there in the dining hall, ogling the hottie on the soccer team at the next table over, trying to convince yourself it’s a good idea to go say “hi.” But what if he or she is thinking the very same thing? Contrary to popular belief, not all guys (or girls) are straightforward when it comes to love, and your crush could be feeling just as nervous and vulnerable as you are.

Unless one of you breaks the stalemate, you could be doomed to googly-eye each other around campus until you graduate. Instead, do yourself a favor and ask your crush how classes are going or how the soccer team is doing this season next time you see him or her. Even if your crush isn’t interested in a relationship, you’ll never have to wonder “What if?”

2. You owe it to yourself to try

You’re a beautiful, smart, strong collegiette, and you deserve to pursue the things you want… right? Chances are if you’re avoiding your crush, you’re doing so because you’re insecure about yourself or about how he or she will react. You know Queen Bey would never think that way, so channel your inner Sasha Fierce and realize what a catch you are!

3. Your crush could think you’re not interested

While pop culture might try to convince you otherwise, guys are sensitive, too! If you never speak to your crush and never approach him, how is he even supposed to know you like him? Even if your crush isn’t into you right now, acting completely disinterested definitely won’t help your case.

A crush is unlikely to make the first move unless you show at least some hint of interest, so muster up the courage to flash your best smile or ask your crush about your history reading. We’re definitely not advocating that you profess your love to your crush in the middle of the quad, but subtle hints that you like him or her as more than just a friend are all it takes to send the message.

4. You have nothing to lose

So let’s say you’re at a party and your friends finally convince you to go say hi to that cutie you’ve been crushing on for a year. Let’s say things don’t go quite as you had hoped, and your witty banter and carefree confidence is replaced by stilted awkwardness and stale beer. Not to worry, because you really haven’t lost anything!

Unless you point-blank ask your crush on a date, chances are he or she will just think you’re being friendly at a party! Guys are typically a little slow to pick up on signals from women, so the “really awkward” thing you said probably didn’t even register with him. Interacting with your crush can actually be super low risk, as long as you stick to friendly topics to gauge his interest rather than overly flirty banter. You’ll not only make your crush feel at ease, but you’ll also minimize any potential embarrassment on your end. And, at the very least, you’ll probably gain a great new friend—and who knows, maybe something will happen down the road!

5. It could be the start of something amazing

Ah, the promise of love. At the end of the day, this will probably be the thing that gets you up off your butt and talking to your crush. While many crushes don’t work out for whatever reason, there are tons of relationships that do! In fact, pretty much every single relationship (from Barack and Michelle Obama to your best friend and her SO) started out as just a crush until someone made a move.

Yes, your crush might not be interested. Yes, he or she could “friend zone” you or turn out to be different than you thought, but your crush could also turn out to be even better than you had imagined. Don’t rule out the possibility of happily ever after just because you’re scared of what might happen if you put yourself out there!

Take a deep breath, channel your inner Yoncé and go talk to that hottie you’ve had your eye on; you have nothing to lose! Now get flirting, girl.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I've been hooking up with my ex for quite a while now immediately after we broke up (which I knew was a bad idea). Now I realize my feelings for him are getting a bit too strong even though we established that we wouldn't have feelings for each other. I know I should stop, and I feel like he's the kind of guy who doesn't really care about what I do, but at the same time, one night he told me he kind of had feelings for me. Now what do I do? –Down in the Dumps at Delaware

Pull back, Delaware.

You just admitted that hooking up with an ex was a bad move, and even though I totally understand rebounding, I couldn’t agree with you more. You two broke up for a reason, and no matter what that reason was, I think part of your sudden realization that you have feelings for him is stemming more from you missing a physical connection than anything emotional.

Looking at this from my point of view, I see two red flags on his end. One, according to you, he’s the kind of guy who “doesn’t really care” what you do. Maybe it’s just me, but even the most easygoing boyfriend should care about what his girlfriend is doing. I’m not saying guys should be nosy and paranoid all the time, but, for example, if my girlfriend is going out with her friends for the night, I’d think that shooting her a text asking how everything is going would be good. Doing this is simply a nice gesture; you’re showing you care, but one or two messages isn’t overbearing. Some guys are insecure about letting their partners go out, so they need constant updates. For any guy reading this: Don’t be that guy.

Anyway, according to you, this guy isn’t the type of guy to care about what you’re doing. If he doesn’t care, why should you?

The other issue is that, one night, however long ago, he told you he “kind of had feelings” for you. Kind of.Maybe. That’s bait if I ever saw it, Delaware. That statement is enough to pull a girl in and then keep her there, because he knows you want him (or something along those lines). It’s a trap and – even though it’s not something I’m proud to admit – it’s a trap I’ve put out myself a couple of times before. Why? Because sometimes we aren’t totally sure how we feel about someone, so instead of confronting the issue head-on, we’ll throw out, “I kind of like you,” or, “I’m not sure how I feel about everything yet, but I’m not saying ‘never.’” That kind of statement leaves a girl (or guy, whatever) with hope.

What do you do? You separate yourself from the situation and maybe go a few days or weeks without hooking up with anyone, especially your ex. Not every relationship lasts forever, and that’s fine. Like I said, you two broke up for a reason. Examine why you broke up, examine why you’re hooking up with him and then move on with lessons learned.

Who said Halloween wasn’t a romantic holiday? Not only can you dress up in cute matching costumes with your SO, but you have someone who will cover your eyes and who you can grab on to during the gory scenes of scary movies. Horror films are one of the best ways to get your adrenaline pumping for a fun date during Halloween season, whether it’s with your long-term squeeze or a new cutie you’ve been seeing. While going for a walk to see the leaves changing is a nice way of hanging out, every couple needs a break from the typical fall dates—and what better way to break the lull than with popcorn and a blood-curdling thriller?

So kick off the spooky festivities by cuddling up with your man and watching one of these terrifying movies! Experts even say that engaging in thrilling activities with another person can make your bond stronger. We’ve ordered our movie selections from light-hearted frights to bone-chilling tales that will stick with you long after you’ve turned off the TV—it’s up to you how close you want to get with your guy this Halloween!

1. Warm Bodies

Can’t decide between a horror flick and a rom-com? Warm Bodies takes the best of both worlds by blending a grotesque cast with an irresistibly sweet plotline. In this paranormal Romeo and Juliet adaptation, a zombie boy falls for living girl in the midst of an apocalypse. As their love grows stronger, the boy begins showing more humanlike characteristics (we’ll spare you the beating heart joke), which shed a new light on the war between the living and the dead. So if you and your guy have opposite tastes on the movie spectrum, we’re sure you’ll both find something to love in this hilarious “horror” film. Plus, you can always have a playful argument about who will win the ultimate battle between zombies and humans!

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street

Another classic that takes place in a seemingly peaceful suburban setting, this movie will turn your pleasant dreams into sheer terror. When a murderer with a bladed glove begins haunting people in their sleep, a young girl must prove that a string of deaths are all related to one nighttime killer (before he slashes all of her friends!)

While the plotline will make you sleep with one eye open, keep in mind that this movie was made in the ‘80s. Lindsay Goldstein, a senior at the University of Illinois, says, “The special effects are SO outdated, and it's always great to make fun of how obvious the makeup and fake blood are and laugh together while snuggling up!”

3. Scream

Any installation of this classic thriller is sure to give you a case of goose bumps. The movie features a cast of horror movie mavens that uses their know-how to escape the attacks of a killer by the name of Ghostface (we wonder how long it took them to come up with that…). While the cast makes fun of the conventions in scary movies, they still find themselves falling for the very same tricks.

“I think it [has] just the right amount of scary… that you can talk through the movie and still know what’s going on,” says Asiana Smith, a senior at Le Moyne College. What would you and your guy do if Ghostface was pursuing you? Chat it up and make a game plan as you watch the main characters make not-so-smart decisions.

4. When a Stranger Calls

This 2006 remake of the 1979 film will have you think twice about taking that seemingly harmless part-time babysitting job. When a teenager babysits two children in a large home, she receives strange phone calls from an unidentified number. The police trace the call and tell the babysitter that the calls are coming from inside the house (we think that’s a creepy enough reason for you and your guy to silence your own phones—and that means more attention on each other!). The babysitter soon realizes that her real job description is to keep the kids—and herself—alive and far away from the mysterious caller.

Despite its disturbing premise, this movie can also be an unlikely conversation starter if you’re watching it with a guy you’re getting to know. “I always use this movie to my advantage because I can cuddle up with the guy and reference how much I babysit and love kids,” says Morgan Gibbons, a recent grad of Boston College and the publicity director for HC BC. “Guys usually like to hear that I care about kids… especially if they have younger siblings.”

5. The Cabin in the Woods

If you think all horror films end the same way, you need to watch this movie. The story begins with five adventurous friends who go on holiday in a remote cabin (what could possibly go wrong?). Little do they know that workers in an underground facility are monitoring their every move. By using drugs, the workers begin manipulating the group’s rational thoughts (like sticking together no matter what) to control their fates.

The action pokes fun at the ridiculous scenarios in most horror films and uses a unique approach to keep you guessing at every suspenseful pause. On top of the exciting plot, there are a few sultry scenes (like a tipsy game of truth or dare) that will set the mood for any scary movie date night—just make sure your date doesn’t get jealous when you’re staring at Chris Hemsworth more than him.

6. You’re Next

A family reunion goes awry in this movie when murderers wearing farm animal masks invade the family’s luxurious vacation home. However, the assailants are in for a surprise when one of the sons’ girlfriends has hidden survival skills that could save them all. The retreat turns into a bloody game of cat and mouse as relationships are tested and trust becomes one of the most deadly weapons. This movie is sure to give you an eerie feeling as you’re holding on to your guy, because the most dangerous villains are often closer than you think…(although we’re sure he’s great!)

7. The Conjuring

Set in the 1970s, this movie is about a family who moves into a farmhouse that was previously owned by an accused witch. If that wasn’t bad enough, it turns out the witch killed her own children and then committed suicide. The family starts hearing voices and seeks out the help of a husband and wife who specialize in paranormal investigations. The creepiness escalates, and the couple must perform an exorcism before the family is possessed and history repeats itself. This movie is not for the timid, so make sure you and your guy are ready for the eeriest scenes ever. If you need some motivation to make it through to the end, just know that Patrick Wilson gets a lot of screen time.

Take advantage of the spooky season and indulge your inner child; you can outgrow trick-or-treating, but scary movies are always age-appropriate. Your SO will appreciate the bold suggestion and be more than happy to protect you from those freaky villains (whether you’re really scared or not!).