You and your S.O. are the perfect match: You share the same hobbies, love the same foods, and may even be in some of the same classes. He or she makes you laugh like no other, and it feels like you get each other in a way nobody else understands. You love spending time with him or her, from sunup to sundown. The two of you just can’t stay away from each other!

But sometimes, you wish you had a bit more time for yourself. You don’t really go to the gym anymore and you haven’t seen your bestie in ages, and you’ve basically stopped trying to catch up on that show you love. You’re starting to miss the person you used to be, but you’re afraid to branch out on your own for fear of hurting your relationship. What are you supposed to do?

If you’re feeling like you and your S.O. are becoming the same person or living the same life, then it’s probably time to regain your sense of self.

Healthy commitment or unhealthy attachment?

While it’s good to be close to your partner, completely losing yourself in him or her is not the best idea.

“There [are] healthy attachments and then there [are] unhealthy attachments,” says licensed professional clinical counselor Jeffrey Sumber. “Somebody with an unhealthy attachment is going to need their partners to make themselves feel better, make them feel loved or make them feel whole.”

Kate Travis, a freshman at the University of Wisconson-Stout, knows what it feels like to rely on someone so much. “I encountered this very problem in my first semester of college,” she says. “My boyfriend was the only person I knew from my hometown that went to UW-Stout, so whenever I felt homesick or wanted a break from stress, I relied on him.”

Sumber says that it’s okay to have someone to reach for when you’re in a time of need, but that the difference between a healthy attachment and an unhealthy one is that in a healthy attachment, we don’t need the other person all the time. For Kate, this realization came the hard way. “It got to the point in which we almost broke up due to him starting to feel like I was too dependent on him,” she says.

What are the signs of an unhealthy attachment? Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist (who goes by Dr. Ramani), says that they occur when we start regulating our needs through the other person in our relationship.

“You eat when he eats, you drink when he drinks,” she explains. “You feel the need to check in with the other person before doing anything, even things that you would ordinarily do without making such a fuss about it, like spending time with friends.”

Other signs of an unhealthy attachment are changing your clothing choices to suit your SO’s preferences, giving up exercise to fit his or her schedule, or even choosing a job or a graduate program in their city so that you can stay close to them. While it’s okay to do some of these things to show that your relationship is important to you, the trouble comes with the reasoning behind these decisions. Are you doing them because they will better you as a person or are you doing them because you’re afraid that your relationship won’t survive if you don’t?

Remember your S.O. likes you for who you are

Ironically, instead of saving your relationship, those very behaviors can lead to its demise. While our individuality is of course affected when we’re seeing someone, Sumber says that losing too much of ourselves can actually make us less attractive to our partners.

“Who you are is inevitably going to grow and change in a relationship with somebody else,” he says. “And yet, it’s your individuality – the parts of you that are inherently you – that the person in the relationship is drawn to you for.”

Your partner started to go out with you because of who you are. Your unusual quirks and the weird things that made you tick sparked something in his or her heart. Completely changing ourselves and who we are to be more like our partners can end up ruining our relationships, because the parts of us that they liked are no longer there.

Recognize the need to change

If you do feel like you’ve gotten too caught up in your partner and his or her life, there are some things you can do to regain your sense of self.

First, you have to be ready and willing to do so. Becoming aware that there’s something you need to work on is already a big step. “It is very common to be totally consumed by a relationship in the beginning,” says Lesli Doares, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Being able to step back and look at yourself as a whole person with goals, dreams, desires and fears of your own is critical.”

How can you tell if you’re too caught up in your partner’s life? Sumber offers a very simple way to determine this. “Something to be wary about is when you stop enjoying being by yourself,” he says. “That’s a really important sign to watch for.”

Ask yourself this question: Do I still enjoy spending time by myself? If the answer is ‘no,’ then it may be time to start separating yourself from your partner. And don’t worry; there are ways to do this without feeling like you’re completely pulling away from him or her.

Speak up to your partner

If you’re feeling like you and your S.O. are becoming the same person, then it’s probably a good idea to talk to him or her about it.

Find a time when you and your partner are relaxed and able to listen, and explain to him or her as clearly as possible that you feel you might be losing yourself because of the relationship. Explain that you feel as if your lives are becoming one, and that you’d like to get some of your old self back.

“Having a conversation about what’s important to you and why (and how you would like to make room to include your partner) is a good way to take ownership of your needs and keep the relationship in mind,” says Doares.

Make sure to frame your words in a way that expresses your concern while keeping your S.O.’s feelings in mind. Try using “I statements” so that he or she doesn’t feel blamed or accused: “I feel like I don’t take time for my favorite hobbies anymore,” or “I need some time each day to do an activity that I love on my own.” Starting your sentences with “I” puts you at the center of the conversation, and avoids putting your S.O. on the defensive.

Communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship. “Being able to talk with your partner about expanding your activities – both together and apart – is important,” Doares continues. “If you cannot have this open conversation, then there is already trouble in the relationship.”

Your partner should be supportive and willing to help you individuate yourself to make the relationship better for you both. If they are not willing to support you, or to even have this conversation, then it may be time to reconsider whether this relationship is the right thing for you.

Take small steps toward being more independent

If you’re feeling uncomfortable about distancing yourself from your partner, then it’s a good idea to start off with baby steps.

Are there any times during the day when you and your partner are not in contact? If so, do something you enjoy for yourself. Make a your favorite snack, watch that new show you’ve been curious about or take out your iPod and shuffle that old playlist. Do something to take your mind off your partner. This will help you be more comfortable with spending time by yourself, without feeling the need to text your S.O. every other second.

Once you’re okay with having alone time when you’re naturally away from your partner, you can start to actively create times when you and your S.O. will be apart. Dr. Ramani suggests creating “ground rules,” such as making sure to exercise alone or refusing to have your S.O. pick you up from class, to help establish boundaries. “Sometimes, this is a good time to start taking a new class or joining an organization, because that becomes a built-in group of people with whom you may have a shared sense of purpose,” she explains.

Rachel Petty, a sophomore at James Madison University, found that setting boundaries worked for her. “My boyfriend and I each do our own things,” she says. “He’ll watch football with the guys and I’ll have a girls night in. It gives us time with our friends and a little break from each other!”

Taking time away from your S.O. will make you treasure the time you do spend with him or her. And think of all the interesting stories you’ll be able to tell about your day! You can’t do that if you and your partner are attached at the hip 24/7.

Reconnect with friends and family

As you become a part of your partner’s life more and more, your relationships with other people may fall by the wayside. It’s really important for you to maintain your sense of self by having your own friends and seeing them regularly.

“Making sure you have time to do the things that make you who you are is key, but so is carving out time to call your folks and your friends that you’ve known since childhood,” Sumber says. “You need to stay connected to the people that will, in the end, be there for you if this relationship fails.”

Reach out to friends you haven’t seen since you and your S.O. started dating. Call your parents and other close relatives, too. “The most important people all need to find room in your relationship,” says Doares. Plus, keeping in touch with your family can help you feel like you have a solid identity that isn’t dependent on your partner.

If you recognize that most of your friends are mutual friends with your S.O., then you might want to try adding some new friends to your social circle. When you take the initiative to do some new activities on your own, whether it’s joining a book club or taking a cooking class, make an effort to get to know the people you meet. Having friends who share your hobbies will not only make them more fun to participate in, but it will also reinforce the sense that you are, indeed, your own person.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Learning how to separate from someone you’ve become so attached to can be difficult. Sometimes, it’s a task much too big for us to do alone.

It’s always a good idea to get help if you need it. Dr. Ramani says to definitely reach out to close family members, like a parent or a sibling, whom you really trust. “Start there, because those are the unconditional people that had your back even when you weren’t showing up because you were being so dependent on your partner,” she says. Explain to them your situation and ask for their help by saying something like, “I got too deep in this, and I really need to start getting out.”

If you’re in so deep that you’re thinking of making serious life choices (like getting a job or moving to a new city) based solely on your S.O., then you may need to see someone who’s trained to help in situations like these. Dr. Ramani recommends visiting a counselor. “They will help take you through the step-by-step process of gaining more independence and autonomy,” she says.

Reach out to your school’s counseling center and meet with someone to help you through this. And if you can find a support group, then join it! It’s great to talk with others who can share your experiences (and hold you accountable to becoming better). You may even make a new friend.

There are also great books that you can read to learn about how to create healthy attachments in your life. Sumber recommends Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson, which provides templates for seven conversations to have with your partner to create a stronger, healthier emotional attachment.

It’s easy to forget ourselves when we’re caught up in the hormones of new love. Thankfully, we can take a step back and regain our footing if we stray too far off the path. “It’s wonderful to spend time with your partner, as long as it feels balanced, where you can also have time for yourself,” Sumber says.

There’s nothing wrong with connecting with another person. It’s one of the most essential parts of being human, and it’s a very beautiful thing. But it’s important to remember that you are also a beautiful person, and your individuality is a tremendous gift. A relationship should complement you, not complete you. Don’t let go of the things that make you who you are; that’s what drew your partner to you in the first place.

We’ve heard it so many times: Guys can detach themselves after a hook-up, keeping the experience entirely physical. Meanwhile, for whatever reason, biological or otherwise, collegiettes like us have a harder time keeping emotions out of the bedroom.

Is this really true, though? Can boys really avoid attachment? Are girls unable to detach themselves and make sex an entirely physical act? It’s not usually something that gets covered in class, so how’s a collegiette to know the truth? We at Her Campus wanted to find out!

Your Brain on Sex

The hook-up culture that exists on college campuses leaves a lot of questions unanswered for both men and women. “Did that mean something?” and “Does he/she realize that I don’t want a relationship?” are common questions from both sides. Whether you’ve had a one-night stand or you’re trying to turn a hook-up into something more, navigating the aftermath of casual sex is never an easy task. The preconception that many collegiettes have is that men are “only after one thing,” and that a relationship isn’t in the cards. Recent studies, however, have shown that sex isn’t strictly a physical act for men or women!

A 2011 study conducted by psychology professor Jim Pfaus at Concordia University in Canada revealed that there is an “overlap between sexual desire and emotional love in the brain’s insular cortex.” They are still different receptive areas of the brain, meaning that the two emotions are different, but the overlap means that the connection between love and lust is stronger than once thought. It explains why, when someone has what they think will be casual sex, he or she ends up feeling attached afterwards. These receptive areas of the brain are the same for both men and women.

The main biological difference between men’s and women’s reactions to sexual experiences is the release of hormones during and after sex. During climax, women release higher levels of oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”) than men do. This unavoidable release causes higher levels of post-sex attachment in women than in men. Males, on the other hand, have lower dopamine levels after sex, resulting in negative withdrawal symptoms and the occasional desire to flee from their partner. It’s bizarre, but not something that they can control. Basically, for women, sexual needs and attachment needs are more highly related than these needs are for men. 

What have collegiettes experienced? Hannah*, 20, from Canterbury Christ Church University, says it’s “definitely possible” for girls to have sex without attachment. “I was having sex with an ex for quite a while, and didn’t get re-attached,” she says. She says she’s also had a one-night stand “and definitely felt nothing afterwards.”

Her experience is not out of the ordinary. Riley*, a student at the University of New Hampshire, says “it’s easy not to get attached” after sex.

Love at First Sight?

What about one-night stands? Is it possible for men (or women) to grow attached after casual sex? It would appear so, according to a study done by Match.com. According to this study, 31 percent of the people surveyed had transitioned from a one-night stand to a long-term commitment. Similarly, 43 percent of men and 32 percent of women admitted to having felt love at first sight, without even having sex. This is encouraging news for men and women who are looking to make a relationship out of a one-time sexual encounter.

It is, of course, difficult to make general statements about gender and attachment. The level of emotional attachment during and after sex is different for each person, regardless of gender. Dr. Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, “Some people have sex first and then fall in love. Some fall head over heels in love, then climb into bed.”

The Takeaway

In other words, attachment happens at different points to different couples; there isn’t a foolproof formula for lust turning into love. Though it may take a woman a while to figure out whether or not she wants to pursue a relationship with someone she hooks up with, relationship coach Lisa Shield suggests that men know “immediately when they are interested in having more than just a sexual relationship with a woman.” So if he comes back after you’ve hooked up once, it could be that he’s interested in something more.

In short, it’s hard to tell whether men and women are truly incapable of having completely “casual” sex. For each gender, the stakes are slightly different. However, the release of hormones on both sides during sex triggers emotional attachment on a certain level. That being said, the hormones are different and have different effects on each gender.

The best thing to do is to be completely honest with your partner about your hopes and expectations for your relationship, whether they include sex or not.

*Names have been changed.

There’s nothing more exciting than the start of a new romance — after all, they don’t call it “the honeymoon phase” for nothing! Butterflies in your stomach, glowing every time you get a text, getting to know your SO (significant other) over late-night pillow talk, flaunting your new arm candy all over campus... it may not be as blissful as your relationship with Netflix, we know (few things are), but what’s not to like?

Unfortunately, revving up a new relationship can also mean rehashing old ones. At some point, your and your partner need to decide if you’re going to share about exes, old feelings and sexual history, just so you know all the facts. It can be uncomfortable, awkward and just plain hard (“Because I love hearing about my SO’s former flames,” said no one ever). Check out our tips before having the talk to save the situation!

Decide if it’s the right time for “the talk”

Come on, you know you’re curious! It can be super tempting to ask for all the details of his or her past exploits so that there are no surprises down the line. Plus, having that open, honest line of communication is one of the best ways to build up trust in your relationship. Sometimes, though, ignorance is bliss, so you’ll want to be prepared.

So how do you know it’s time to have the talk? If you find yourself wanting to know more about his past, worrying what to share (or what not to share) about your own or deciding that you’re ready to move things further physically with your SO, it’s probably time to chat. Make sure to talk in a quiet, private place and give yourself a large window of time; you don’t want to cut it short because you have to rush off to class!

But what if your partner isn’t as excited about having the conversation? He or she might not want to hear about your history (we get it, jealousy sucks), or might be worried about sharing his or her own (cue embarrassment). Psychotherapist Tristan Coopersmith says that fear is probably to blame. “Whenever there is resistance, there is fear,” she says. “Talk with your partner about their fear of having the talk and use that info to build vulnerability and trust… Which in and of itself may create a safer space to have the talk.”

Dale Lavine, our resident Real Live College Guy, explains that fear played a role in his own hesitation to have the talk with his then-girlfriend. “With my ex, I was pretty reluctant to have the ‘numbers’ talk simply because as far as I knew, she was more experienced than myself,” he says. “That's kind of a weird thing for guys to deal with because—at least for me—it was normal for guys to get around more than girls. So when your number isn't as high as hers, a few things go through your mind.”

Luckily, even though Dale was “shocked and slightly turned off” at first after talking, he appreciated the honesty and got through it just fine.

At the end of the day, you have to decide together whether the two of you want to dig up old exes and sex—touchy stuff—so making sure you’re both on board before launching into all the gory details is key. The last thing you want is to do is sabotage the relationship by making him listen to stories he doesn’t want to hear, and vice versa!

Establish ground rules

When you’re telling your SO how experienced (or not) you are, you’re talking about your ex or you’re even explaining that you were once in love (or once thought you would be together forever), it’s almost impossible to know what’s relevant info and what’s plain old TMI. To avoid hurting each other’s feelings, establish ground rules about how the convo will go. “During sensitive conversations like this one, couples need to feel safe,” Coopersmith says. “Setting up boundaries helps create a safe arena for protected communication.”

Michelle*, a sophomore at NYU, set ground rules: “My ex-boyfriend and I decided after a month of so of dating that it was time to have ‘that conversation,’” she says. “But the rules were this: we'd get it all out now, talk about it all just that once, but then not talk about it again after that. It was awkward, most definitely, but we promised for that one time, we'd be totally honest and answer each other's every question.”

So before you go down the rabbit hole, sit down with your partner and agree on some limits. Take Coopersmith’s suggestions:

• “No sharing of numbers… There is NO good that comes from this!” You can still talk about relationships and sexual history without sharing precise numbers, which automatically lead to comparison.
• “Be kind! Be empathetic. Be who you would want them to be for you… supportive and loving.”
• “Don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answers to.”
• “Remember that someone’s past isn’t always an indicator of who/where they are now.”

Obviously, you don’t need to state the rules like you’re laying down the law. To avoid making the talk seem way more dramatic than it needs to be, remind your SO that you just want to get it out of the way so you can go back to having your usual fun!

Be honest...

While it can be hard to open up about your past—or say something you’re worried might make him or her see you differently—you should stick to the Golden Rule and treat your SO the way you’d want to be treated (because the Golden Rule always rules!). Would you want to be lied to? Probably not, which means you shouldn’t lie to your partner, as tempting as it may be to fudge the less-than-flattering details.

Besides, Coopersmith says that lying won’t get you far, anyway. “If the truth doesn’t reveal itself in this conversation, it will eventually, and when it does, it will come with a challenging overlay of why you weren’t honest the first time,” she says. “If you find yourself unwilling to be forthcoming, dig deep to uncover why. Are you not resolved with your past relationship? Do you carry shame? Is there regret?”

Figure out what it is that’s holding you back from telling the truth, and then ask yourself if it’s really worth risking your brand-new, totally exciting, super-hot relationship (We’re going to go out on a limb and guess that it’s not...).

After establishing her honesty-only policy with her man, Michelle learned a lot: some good, some bad. “For me, it was a hard thing to do because he was actually the first person I'd had sex with, but I hadn't told him before we'd had sex. But it turns out he'd had sex with a LOT of women,” she says. “While, yes, it was kind of weird, it was very cathartic and nice to know that there weren't going to be any surprises later in our relationship.”

Like Michelle, you can take the big reveals in stride; you’ll know exactly what you’re getting into when you continue dating him or her, and down the line, you’ll be thrilled that your SO won’t be dropping any big bombshells on you anytime soon.

...But don’t overshare

Once you get started talking about a particularly evil ex or a hilarious hook-up story (remember that one time in the library?), it can be hard to stop. First of all, the guys of your past probably gave you a lot of scintillating stories to tell. Second, it’s tempting to share every detail so you don’t feel like you’re withholding info from your current boyfriend. Still, it’s important to know where to draw the line, for his sake. There are some things your boyfriend should never know.

Dale advises, “I wouldn't suggest lying about [your number], but unless it absolutely has to come up, I don't know that I'd suggest talking about it.” The same rule applies for other past details you would rather not revisit—something that still hurts to talk about, or something you’re worried will make your current partner feel inadequate. A good way to go about this is to answer truthfully if he asks about a touchy subject, but don’t offer up the info yourself if you’re sure it’ll cause tension (and you didn’t think it was relevant enough to share in the first place). If you really don’t want to share something, explain exactly why to your SO, and make sure it’s clear that you’re not trying to hide anything; you’re just not taking the conversation to a painful place.

Coopersmith agrees. “A good rule of thumb is to only share what would be HELPful, which usually eliminates what may be HURTful,” she says. Don’t get carried away with the details, and go back to your ground rules to know how far is too far. For instance, does your SO seem like he or she really hates hearing about you with other people? In that case, maybe don’t go into too much detail about your past sexual encounters (like how your previous lover made you feel, if he or she was good in bed, and of course, never, ever comparing size!) or talk too long about what it was like to be in love. Instead, state the essential facts and move on.

“Also, make sure to never mention faking it with guys [or girls] in the past!” says Erica*, a senior at the University of San Diego. “Then they’ll worry that you’re doing it with them, too.” Even if you think it might make your SO feel a bit better—hey, who doesn’t like to hear that their SO’s ex wasn’t great in the sack?—you should stay away from touchy topics like these, as they can easily lead to comparison.

On the other hand, if your new arm candy understands that it’s hard not to overshare a bit sometimes, feel free to say whatever you need to get off your chest. That’s exactly what happened to Chelsea*, a junior at Vassar College. “My current boyfriend and I started dating after we had both gotten out of five-year relationships with our high school sweethearts,” she says. “Basically, we both grew up with our exes. So it's really hard not to bring them up! The most important thing to remember is to not make the other person feel compared to your ex.”

Decide if you can revisit the conversation

While you probably worked hard to sit down with your SO and get this conversation out of the way, you probably didn’t say everything you needed to say (or hear everything you need to hear). That’s the problem with limited time (thank you, pile of homework waiting on the desk), plus it can be difficult to know in the moment what you’ll later wish you’d asked. So the question remains: can you bring it up again?

Your decision will pretty much depend on your relationship. If the two of you love to share and don’t mind hearing about each other’s pasts too much, you’ll probably want to leave the topic open for conversation.

Coopersmith offers her own suggestion: “Healthy relationships depend on open communication, so this topic is no different than any other. Keep it open.” Still, there’s no perfect way to do this, and every collegiette (and couple) is different! While an open conversation worked for Chelsea and her boyfriend, Michelle and her ex opted to not bring up the convo again after their talk.

As you’re wrapping up your talk, make sure to ask your SO how he or she feels about revisiting it. As long as the two of you are on the same page about it, whatever you decide, you’re in the clear!

Talking about exes can be hard for any collegiette, but it can get even harder when you have to talk about them in front of your awesome new boy toy or lovely lady (whom you would rather be kissing than having a heavy talk like this with, obviously). Establish your rules, be open and honest and then reward yourselves with something fun and out of the ordinary, like indulging in dessert at a local café or snuggling up for a funny movie. At the end of the day, you’ll feel closer than ever.

*Name has been changed.

When you go to college, you think you can expect at least one thing, based on the stories you’ve heard: The guys are going to be jerks, and all they’re going to want from you are drunken hook-ups. You think that the “walk of shame” is soon going to be a reality for yourself and all of your friends, and that your life is going to turn into that movie Friends with Benefits (the part before Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis get together, that is). But is all of that really true?

Here at HC, we think that the stereotype that all college guys are looking for random hook-ups is a giant misconception. To bust that myth, we talked to guys all over the country to find out the exact reasons why they want to be in a relationship (for real!).

1. They want comfort and companionship

Guys aren’t just some heartless robots who only want to hook up all the time — they get lonely, too!

“I didn’t know that I wanted a relationship until all of my roommates were in one,” says Tyler, a sophomore at the University of Florida. “When I’d see them with their girlfriends, I’d always be like, ‘Aw, that’s so nice. I want to spend time with someone like that.’”

Tyler says that it gets really lonely for guys when all they do is hang out with their friends or by themselves. He says that the companionship of a significant other, someone you can spend all the time in the world with, is really important to him.

“I started to find myself wanting to have company all the time,” Tyler says, “and I realized that it’s part of growing up, seeing that you want the company of a romantic partner.”

Guys aren’t that different from girls — they don’t want to be alone all the time. Sometimes, they want someone to snuggle up with and binge-watch Netflix movies– if any guy tells you this isn’t the case, he’s totally lying (or is an actual robot).

2. Being with someone is more emotionally fulfilling

It’s pretty logical to think that guys get lonely just like girls, but can’t they spend time with their friends and get their romance fix from random hook-ups or friends with benefits?

Jake, a junior at the University of New Hampshire, says that this balancing act is only fulfilling to a certain point.

“When it comes down to it, you’re going to sleep alone when it’s a random hook-up,” Jake says. “Even if she spends the night in your room and leaves the next morning or vice versa, you still don’t have that lazy time in bed together or even the comfort of knowing you can text her later and not feel stupid.”

Jake says that it’s a hard emotion to pinpoint, but casually hooking up with someone leaves you feeling much emptier than actually caring for someone. At a certain point, guys want to do the caring.

3. They think relationships just feel natural

You know that guy who always seems to have a girlfriend? And those girlfriends always seem to be long-term? Contrary to what movies and TV would have you believe about college, that’s actually not too uncommon. For some guys, being in a relationship just seems like the only option, the only thing that feels right.

“For me, it’s just a form of respect,” says Timmy, a recent graduate from Vanderbilt University.
“If I’m going to hook up with a girl, I’m going to get her number, talk to her, ask her to dinner. Things like that always seem to lead to relationships for me.”

Chivalry is not dead, collegiettes! A lot of guys understand that it’s a sign of respect to get to know a girl before hooking up with her all the time (to which we have to say: DUH), and a lot of guys realize that if they enjoy talking to her and knowing her, and she feels the same, he should ask her to be his girlfriend.

4. They’d rather be a gentleman than a playboy

Some guys are just raised to be gentlemen (not playboys) and to want this sweet kind of relationship with women.

“It’s really important for me to be a gentleman,” says Timmy. “Being a gentleman means respecting women and knowing that they’re your equal. When I see women, I’m interested [in them] as my equals; I want to be their partner and their boyfriend.”

These are the kinds of guys we hear about in movies, huh? The ones who open the car door for you, pay on the first date and truly embody the chivalrous gentleman. Wouldn’t it be nice if they all just announced themselves, so we didn’t have to weed through the duds to find them?

5. They want physical intimacy

Let’s be honest, here — a lot of guys look forward to the physical aspect of relationships.

“I’m going to be pretty real with you and say that one of the benefits of having my girlfriend is that I know I’ll have sex on the weekends,” says Ryan*. “I love my girlfriend a lot, so don’t think I’m some kind of pig… It’s different with her because I’m hooking up with someone I care about and who I know cares about me.”

You know how we all value chemistry when we go on a date with someone? How we talk to our friends about how we really “clicked” with a person? Guys value relationships for the same reason… except instead of really wanting to click during conversations, they want to click when hooking up, too.

“I think a big reason why we click physically is because we click emotionally,” Ryan says, “so I like having a girlfriend because it makes that physical part of my life better.”

It’s a pretty universal feeling to want to be physical with someone you truly care about and trust — we can’t say we blame them, since we totally feel the same!

6. They want to be taken care of…

It’s something we see a lot, whether we’re doing it ourselves or we see one of our friends doing it — taking care of the boyfriend. We make them lunch, grab him groceries when he’s super swamped and help him out when he’s sick. This is definitely something guys value in their relationships.

“It’s not like I’m barking orders at my girlfriend, like ‘make me a sandwich woman,’ or anything,” Tyler says, “but the things she does for me are nice and appreciated.” He doesn’t actively seek out a girl who will do him favors, but when she does, he says that it’s definitely one of the benefits of being in a relationship with her.

7. …But they also want to take care of you

We all know that in relationships, there is a lot of give and take — guys recognize that, too!

“I always return the favor,” Tyler says. “I try really hard to match her meal for meal, and I help her fix things and stuff.”

All of this may come as a bit of a surprise. Aren’t guys afraid of being called whipped, after all? Tyler says that’s not something that bothers him, when he’s with the right girl.

“I helped jump [my girlfriend’s] car one night, and all of my buddies were saying I was whipped,” he says. “It didn’t bother me because I knew this was something that I wanted to do, and wasn’t being forced to do. I’m happy to take care of her.”

For a lot of guys, even the biggest of playboys, all it takes is one person to change everything.

“I used to be the king of one-night stands,” says Jared*, a junior at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. “I loved hooking up with random girls. And then I met my girlfriend. She and I had a mutual friend, so we hung around a little bit, and then I was done. I didn’t want random hook-ups anymore because I wanted her.”

For a lot of guys, settling down into a relationship doesn’t become an option until they meet someone they want to be with all of the time. It takes someone important to make a guy realize he’s sown all of the wild oats he needs to and see that he wants companionship, intimacy and mutual respect.

Don’t believe everything you’ve heard — not all college guys are only looking to randomly hook up with you. Now the challenge is just spotting the ones who do want a relationship!

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Whether you want to be single or not, there are just some things you never want to hear from your friends. They mean well, but sometimes their two cents of advice are just not helpful. At all.

1. "Being single is so less stressful anyway."
Then why are you in a relationship right now...?

2. "Why aren't you in a relationship?"
I don't know, I just love my cat too much.

3. "Girl, you are so much better than [your ex's name]."
I know I am, but that doesn't help me find someone new.

4. "The second you stop looking for love, it will find you."
I've stopped a while ago, so... can you explain that?

5. "Please let me set you up, I know the perfect person for you!"
How about no.

6. "Stop being so picky, maybe that's your problem."
A girl's gotta have some standards!

7. "Do you want to come out with us?" (says your friend who's in a relationship)
As appealing as third wheeling for the umpteenth time sounds, I'll pass.

8. "Don't worry, it'll happen."
Yeah, when? In five years?

9. "There are plenty of fish in the sea."
That's nice, but I'm not looking for a fish.

10. "You? You're single?!"
Yep, huge suprise, I know.

11. "Maybe you aren't putting yourself out there enough."
Uh, nope? I'm already pushing the whole "putting yourself out there" thing to the limit.

12. "You just haven't found the right person yet."
You don't say...

13. "Everything happens for a reason."
That is possibly the least helpful, unoriginal advice ever.

14. "Maybe you're just better off single."
Why thank you, that's so comforting.

15. "Take time to work on yourself first."
Is there something wrong with me? I'm pretty sure I'm already fabulous.

We all know guys aren’t always the timeliest texters. Though we try to keep our cool, the waiting game can make us think some pretty irrational thoughts. Here are just a few of the things that may have crossed your mind while waiting for his text message response to light up your phone.

1. What if he got a girlfriend in the last hour since we’ve texted?

2. I knew the exclamation point was too enthusiastic; he totally thinks I’m in love with him now.

3. Maybe I should post something flirty on another guy’s Facebook wall to make him jealous.

4. Is the service in here bad? Maybe he has bad service?

5. He probably lost his phone last night. Maybe I should check his Facebook to see if he posted a status about losing his phone.

6. What if he saw me wear my PJs to the dining hall yesterday morning and now he doesn’t think I’m cute anymore? 

7. Should I text someone else to make sure my phone is working?

8. Maybe I’ll check and see if he’s tweeted at all since I texted him.

9. He tweeted something about the basketball game on TV and yet still hasn’t texted me back. I bet he just wants to wait until the game is over so he can give our conversation his undivided attention.

10. Did it freak him out that I texted him back right away? Should I have waited at least 20 minutes first?

11. Why did I add a thumbs-up emoji to that last text?! He probably has no idea I was using it ironically and he thinks I’m totally lame now.

12. “Hahaha” was definitely too much. I knew I should have just stopped at “haha.”

13. I bet he just went to bed really early. Plenty of people go to bed at 8 p.m.

14. Maybe he didn’t save me in his contacts.

15. Maybe he saved me in his contacts as something like, “Blonde from party.” Should I tell him who this is?

16. Why did I say “LMAO”? Who even says “LMAO” anymore?!

17. Did he notice that I snorted when I laughed at his joke last night? Is that why he isn’t texting me back?

18. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to text him before noon on a Saturday. I probably woke him up and now he hates me.

19. Maybe I’ll casually text his roommate and try and find out what they’re doing tonight through him.

20. He must be with his ex right now. He just doesn’t want her to see him texting me because she’ll get jealous.

21. Oh, no—I just realized I said “who’s” when I meant to say “whose.” I’m sure he thinks I’m illiterate now.

22. I wonder if he’s on a reflective retreat this weekend and isn’t allowed to interact with anyone outside the retreat center until he comes back. 

23. Maybe he doesn’t have unlimited texting. Maybe I’m using up his texts for the month and he’s totally annoyed.

24. What if he hit his head and got knocked unconscious? Should I go to his room and make sure he’s okay?

25. I bet someone told him about the time I got way too drunk at the frat mixer freshman year and now he’s never going to want to hang out with me.

26. Did his friends tell him not to text me back? Do his friends think he can do better than me? 

27. Maybe he decided to do one of those weeklong technology purges.

28. He’s probably having a late lunch right now. Or an early dinner. And he probably just doesn’t want to be rude by answering his phone. Yeah, that must be it.

29. Could his phone have died? Is it possible for a guy to go four hours without charging his phone?

30. What if he went for a jog and got abducted?

31. Maybe his phone got stolen while he was on the bus.

32. Did he drop his phone recently? Maybe the screen is too cracked for him to read my message.

33. Maybe I’ll try sending him an inbox message on Facebook instead. Or tweeting at him. Or slipping a note under his door.

34. Maybe he saw my message and decided he’d text me back in a minute and then he totally forgot to. Should I text him again so he remembers?

35. I just double texted him. Now he thinks I’m obsessed with him and he’s probably going to file a restraining order.

36. Why did I think it was cute to start my text with “yo”? He probably thought I was being serious and that I’m the kind of girl who begins her texts with “yo”!  

37. Was the winky face too much? OMG, the winky face was definitely too much.  

38. I should go to the gym or take a shower to distract myself. I bet I’ll have a text from him by the time I’m done.

39. I spent an extra 10 minutes in the shower shaving my legs and didn’t even look at my phone until after I blow-dried my hair, and he still hasn’t texted me back. I won’t let myself check my phone again until after I do my makeup.

40. What if he was walking down the stairs while he was reading my text and he got distracted and fell and broke his wrist and now he can’t answer me?

41. Wait, he started typing. Now he stopped. He’s starting again. And now he stopped again. Maybe he’s just putting a lot of thought into what he wants to say back to me?

42. Did he just get a new phone recently? Maybe he’s still trying to figure it out.

43. He totally isn’t into me. He isn’t into me, and he thinks avoiding me is the best way to get rid of me.

44. Maybe he committed a horrible crime and he’s on the run and he doesn’t want to text anyone for fear the police will be able to trace his phone.

45. Should I send him a scandalous picture? I’m sure that will get his attention.

46. You know what? Forget him. I’m just going to text my ex instead.

47. I wonder if he’s playing hard to get. When he finally texts me back I’m going to wait twice as long to text him back. 

48. I bet he’s in class. No, wait; it’s a Sunday. I bet he’s at church.

49. If I just keep staring at my phone, I think I can telekinetically will him to return my text message.

50. It’s official: I will never understand guys.

Good luck waiting for that return text, collegiettes. Just try to keep your mind occupied (and keep your sanity!) in the meantime.

His friends say that he's into you, but why is he so bad at replying to your texts? Sometimes it takes him forever, and other times he gives you the most boring reply known to mankind. Don’t ditch your campus cutie just because he isn’t Shakespeare. Here’s how to deal when he doesn’t have a way with words:

Scenario #1: He seems uninterested

Flirt it up

If your guy doesn’t seem into it when you’re texting, try flirting with him. Playing a game of “20 questions” or “truth or dare” or sending a flirty message will get him interested. Flirting with your guy over text will get him answering, and you’ll both have a lot of fun. If you don’t know how to start, try saying something like, “You looked really cute last night.” Not only will he answer you, but he’ll also want to keep texting you to hear more.

“What you’re doing is you are instigating, inspiring and triggering positive, sexy or sexual emotions within him,” human behavior and relationship expert Patrick Wanis says, “which will make him want to communicate more by a text message.”

Flirting with your guy will make him more interested and might even cause him to reply to you faster. Even a simple, “I can’t wait to see you on Friday” will make him wonder what you’re going to say next. If he’s intrigued by what’s going on, he’ll want to keep the conversation going in order to keep the flirting up.

Tell him what you want

The next time you and your guy are hanging out, let him know that the way he texts bothers you. If you drop a hint (even in a joking way!), he should get the message. Try telling him, “It leaves me hanging when you don’t answer for a while,” or “It seems like you’re not interested when we’re texting.” Odds are that’s just how he texts, so he probably doesn’t even realize it. If he knows it bothers you, it will be fresh in his mind the next time you ask him, “What’s up?”

“I've said things like, ‘I totally get that you're busy, so when you can't text, just let me know and we can talk another time!’ explains Kasia Jaworski, a senior at Villanova University, “or even a text like, ‘Text me when you get a chance!’ It gets the message across that you want them to be better at texting, but you're not nagging them.”

“Be direct with guys,” Wanis says. “If you want to have a strong, healthy, open, honest, real, authentic relationship, always speak your truth.” Try saying something like, “I love it when you text me before you go to sleep,” or “I love it when you send me sexy messages.”

Praise his “good texts”

If your guy makes an effort to be better at texting or sends you a cute message, let him know you noticed. Try saying something like, “Thanks for responding quickly!” or “That text really made me smile.” If he knows it made you happy, he’ll be more likely to keep acting in that way.

“Reward him for doing something right through praise,” Wanis explains. “Reinforce the behavior by rewarding the behavior.”

Scenario #2: He takes hours to respond

Let him text you first

If your guy doesn’t usually answer for a while or seems distracted while you’re texting, you may be trying to talk to him at the wrong times. If he’s busy, you won’t be getting his full attention, which may make it seem like he isn’t into you. 

Wanis mentions that not texting him will make him want to text you more. “Let him chase you. I do believe men are hunters and men like the chase. Men value things, whatever those things are, for which they have to work hard,” he says.

“You don't want your guy to think that you are sitting there staring at the screen and waiting for his text,” says psychiatrist and author Carole Lieberman, M.D., who goes by Dr. Carole. “So it is better to let him text you first. Try to limit your texts to when you really have something to say, like confirming the time for when you're supposed to get together next or wishing him luck on his exam. But, too many, ‘Hey, how u doing?’ texts are just pathetic.”

Kasia mentions that letting a guy text you first will leave you with better responses. “When they're ready/not busy they'll text you, and you'll have their attention versus waiting hours for a response,” she says.

Give him a call

Gasp… An actual phone call?! Don’t worry – he can’t bite you through the phone. But in all seriousness, some guys just don’t look at their phones or aren’t interested in texting to keep up a conversation. Rather than send him a, “Hey, what’s up?” text and waiting eagerly for a reply (which will likely come hours later and read, “Hey” – scintillating, right?), give him a call to see what he’s doing tonight. By actually having you on the phone, he’ll be more engaged in the conversation, and you can easily make plans to meet up.

“A phone call is much better than a text,” explains Dr. Carole. “You want to hear the expression in his voice that's missing from a text. And texts are too often misunderstood because everyone tries to use the least amount of words and there's no tone, so you don't know if he's being serious or sarcastic or what.”

Wanis agrees that if you’re trying to resolve a conflict, texting will not suffice. “It’s very easy to misconstrue the intention and the emotion behind a text message,” he says.

If you try one (or more) of these tips, the conversation should flow more easily and you won’t be stuck waiting for that text! Just remember that not all guys are into texting, and some may never want to have conversations for hours on end. Put your phone down, relax and remember that his texting habits don’t determine whether or not he’s into you – trust us!

It’s date night, and it’s your turn to choose the movie. The pressure is on to choose one that your boyfriend will like too, so we’re here to help! Going behind enemy lines, we asked some college boys which movies they actually don’t mind watching on date night, and some of the titles might surprise you! Make sure to reference this list next time you’re looking for the perfect date-night movie for you and your cutie.

1. Hitch (2005)

A man (Will Smith) who has a flair for flirting with girls (and is a professional “date doctor,” as he likes to call it) helps his less-fortunate client with his flirting techniques so he can get a date. However, in the movie, the “date doctor” cannot seem to get a date with his dream woman, no matter how hard he tries.

The film is cute and romantic, which makes it perfect for cuddles, but it’s hilarious enough to make you laugh with your guy all night!

Why he’ll like it

Will Smith is a man of many talents, and his humor in this movie is fresh and witty. Your guy will like that this movie is funny without being overly romantic and cheesy. Plus, he might pick up some tips for how to romance you!

2. Date Night (2010)

A middle-aged couple (Tina Fey and Steve Carell) decides to spice up their dating life by going on a date, fancy dress and all. What they don’t know is that they’ll be dragged into a crazy night of escaping thieves instead of the calm dinner they expected.

If you’re looking for more of an action movie for your date night, look no further. This movie was made for date night (just look at the title)! It’s funny so you both can enjoy it without him getting bored with clichéd love scenes. Plus, Fey and Carell are both hilarious!

Why he’ll like it

The film is about a date gone wrong, and more than once there are crazy chase scenes and humorous panic from both Fey and Carell. He’ll enjoy that it isn’t full of cheesy, romantic clichés.

3. Say Anything… (1989)

When a guy’s determined to get the prettiest girl at school (Ione Skye), he’ll stop at nothing to do so, especially when he ends up falling in love. Lloyd (John Cusack) wins the affection of a girl and loses it due to her overbearing father, but he refuses to give up, going so far as to create the iconic boom box scene. It’s a movie that gets cuter with every passing minute. It’s great for cuddles on the couch and reminiscing about how your own romance started.

Why he’ll like it

Boys like stories where the boy gets the girl. They also enjoy laughing at terrible ‘80s fashion. So while you get all teary-eyed over how cute Cusack is with the boom box, he can make comments about the ridiculous trench coat Cusack’s wearing.

4. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

Benjamin (Matthew McConaughey) is assigned to have a woman to fall in love with him in 10 days. Andie (Kate Hudson) is assigned to lose a guy in 10 days. And right after they get these assignments, Benjamin and Andie run into each other, both determined to make their deadlines. Too bad their feelings get in the way…

This film has a simple-to-follow plot, hilarious antics and an aesthetically pleasing cast. It’s definitely one to enjoy on your night in.

Why he’ll like it

Hudson and McConaughey are complete jokesters. Your guy will be laughing until his stomach hurts from the great story these two create.

5. When Harry Met Sally… (1989)

Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan) are two friends going in different directions. But in the midst of their lives, they always find time to get back to each other. While they claim that a guy and a girl can be just friends, this movie proves otherwise.

This movie is funny and cute, and it’ll have you getting into the storyline in no time. Crystal and Ryan play such opposites that it’s impossible not to laugh during the film!

Why he’ll like it

Between the scene where Sally fakes an orgasm in a very populated restaurant and the general banter between the two leads, your boy will laugh and have a good time while you coo over the romance.

6. (500) Days of Summer (2009)

Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) falls in love with Summer (Zooey Deschanel). And while he saw their relationship as perfect (cute and quirky couple moments included), when it all comes crashing down unexpectedly, Tom must reevaluate the 500 days that Summer took up in his life.

This movie is more than some sappy romance you’ve dragged him to see; it’s a tale of a realistic relationship. And Gordon-Levitt and Deschanel get up to some pretty odd shenanigans, which means the two of you will definitely enjoy this movie.

Why he’ll like it

The film has enough sobering moments for him to not see it as a chick flick, which means that it’ll fit his idea of a date-night movie. “I’ve watched this movie about 10 times with my girlfriend and we now both have a copy,” says Ben, a student at the University of Oregon. Your guy will empathize with Tom as he goes through loving and losing a girl, and he’ll probably get some snuggles as the on-screen relationship progresses.

7. Love Actually (2003)

Follow the tale of several people as they experience love. Whether it’s through a man who has just lost his wife, a son who falls in love with his classmate, a man who falls for his best friend’s wife or a Prime Minister who spends a lot of time thinking about his secretary, this movie shows how love is all around us.

Prepare for “aww” moments, because this holiday movie is the absolute cutest. If you enjoy adorable couples, sweet storylines and dry humor, you’ve found the perfect movie for your date night.

Why he’ll like it

This movie is more than just sappy romance, even though that’s what it promotes. It has classic one-liners, an incredibly talented cast, some drama that adds to the overall plot and Rowan Atkinson playing the best store clerk in history, so it’s definitely worth a watch. Your guy will love that this movie has a mix of romance, comedy and quirkiness.

8. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

When Scott (Michael Cera) meets Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), he’s blown away by how fascinated he is with her. But to be able to date her, he must defeat all of her evil exes. And thus begins Scott going on possibly the most challenging date of all time.

This movie is comical, and Cera is a compete goof on screen. The characters are all eccentric and quirky, making for laughs and sprinkles of romance just to remind you two that it’s date night.

Why he’ll like it

The movie is based off the graphic novel series Scott Pilgrim, and what boy doesn’t like comics? “I feel like it’s more of a boy movie, but she can enjoy it too, so we can both watch it,” says Eli, a student at the University of Oregon. This movie has lots of action and insanity that will keep him entertained the entire time. Plus, the film is made to look like a comic book too, so he’ll definitely be into that!

9. The Princess Bride (1987)

When your true love is lost at sea and you are betrothed to a man you despise, what happens when you’re kidnapped by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who ends up being your true love? In this movie, a young, sick boy’s grandfather reads him an epic romance story, and this movie takes you along for the ride.

This movie is a classic. It has romance, chivalry, sword fighting, humor, hidden identities and just about anything you could want to watch. It’s perfect for any night, especially one where you want to watch a great movie with your guy.

Why he’ll like it

Like we said, this movie has everything, and he’ll get caught up in the sword fighting, revenge, giants, pirates and humor. And the priest has a hilarious voice, so you know he is going to watch it for that!

When we asked the guys which movies they liked, they all agreed on one thing: if you’re going to watch a movie, it needs to be easy to follow. “If I have to pay attention to the plot, I can’t pay attention to my girl,” says Alex, a student at the University of Oregon. See, collegiettes—he just wants to spend time with you!

Happy date night!

First dates are terrifying enough. Is your outfit just right? Are you wearing too much makeup? What are you going to talk about? And what in the world are you going to eat?

Let’s face it: Ordering at a restaurant can be stressful, especially if it’s a new place. Add the heightened atmosphere of a first date and you’re bound to make a choice you’ll regret later. What kinds of food-related disasters do you need to watch out for? Jodi RR Smith, etiquette consultant and owner of Mannersmith, offers this list. “Spills and drips – on you, on the table, on your clothing,” she says. “Things in your teeth – things in his or her teeth! And, heaven forbid, an allergic reaction.”

When in doubt, etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas Diane Gottsman suggests always asking the server to explain the dish you’re thinking of getting. If it contains anything you’re allergic to, or seems particularly messy or difficult to eat, steer clear. Spaghetti, wings, ribs and chili dogs are definite no-gos. Gottsman sums up her advice in two simple words: “Order smart.”

Okay, so you know what not to eat – but what should you actually order? Here are the best things to eat on your first date, no matter where you decide to dine out.

Italian

Farfalle

Also known as the “bowtie pasta,” these compact noodles will fit delicately on your fork or spoon, and the same in your mouth. While your spaghetti-spinning skills may be next to none, this pasta will help you avoid any potential flyaway specks of sauce or embarrassing slurping sessions.

Risotto

It’s like risotto was made for first dates; this rice dish is nice and compact and won’t fall off your spoon or fork. The creamy morsels do a good job of holding together on the way to your mouth, so there’s no fear of spillage or awkward leftovers clinging to the bottom of your cardigan.

Lasagna

Another spaghetti alternative, lasagna is held together by cheesy goodness and can be easily cut and eaten with your fork. No need to worry about any meatballs rolling all over the table (and into your lap); any meat comes nicely packed inside those flat strips of pasta. If you want more greens with your meal, see if a vegetable lasagna option is available, or add a side of crunchy zucchini fries.

American

Steak

Who says eating red meat has to be messy? Steak is a great choice for a first date food because it can be easily carved into bite-size pieces and placed directly into your mouth. No chance of sticky fingers or dripping sauces here. If you’re at a nice steakhouse and that rib-eye is calling your name, don’t be afraid to let your inner carnivore out.

Salad

They’re simple and light but can still fill you up, especially if you add chicken. Disclaimer: Stay away from corn or spinach, which are known for getting stuck between those pearly whites!

Indian

Samosas

These appetizers make the perfect base of a meal for collegiettes with smaller appetites. These fried pastries come with a variety of fillings, including potatoes, peas and even chicken. You can eat these with your hands properly without worrying about sticky fingers (just make sure you have a napkin on hand in case they’re oily). Add an order of naan bread and a side of plain rice to help fill you up!

Chicken Tikka

When in doubt, stick with chicken. Why? “A safe choice of meal is a meat without a bone such as a chicken breast to cut easily,” Gottsman explains. Chicken Tikka definitely steps up to the plate. The word “tikka” literally means “pieces,” so you’ll have no trouble chowing down on these bits of boneless chicken. (The dish may come served with a couple of onions, which Smith suggests you push politely to the side for breath scent reasons.)

Japanese

Sushi

Sushi is a very easy food to eat; fish, rice and veggies all come nicely wrapped in a strip of seaweed. And if you love soy sauce, the rice does a good job of soaking it up so you don’t have to worry about drippage. Our Real Live College Guy Dale says it’s a super popular choice for first date food: “It’s simple and clean, and a lot of sushi restaurants I’ve been to are great for conversation.” Chopstick-wielding collegiettes have the advantage of spotless fingers when digging into this dish! Be careful when ordering the house special or a king-size roll, however; that could lead to some less-than-flattering chewing, so if that bothers you, steer clear. Stick to the regular size if you’re worried about it.

Gyoza

Also known as “pot stickers,” these pan-friend dumplings are at once crispy and chewy. The filling you choose (pork, beef, chicken or vegetables) comes inside a sealed piece of dough, so there’s no fear of anything falling out. Like sushi, they can be picked up with chopsticks and eaten in one or two quick bites. A plate of six to eight and a side of plain white rice will have you full in no time.

Latin American or Mexican

Arroz con Pollo

Literally meaning “chicken and rice,” this dish is similar to the Spanish paella except it’s made only with chicken (no seafood here!). This is an easy entree to eat with utensils at your disposal. Use a spoon to scoop up the peas and rice and your knife and fork to bring savory cuts of chicken straight to your taste buds.

Quesadillas

It’s like a grilled cheese sandwich, only better! Melted cheese, shredded meats and a host ofother delicious things are sandwiched inside two soft, warm tortillas. Served in small, triangular-shaped wedges, this yummy dish is not likely to leave a mess on your hands (or your clothes).

You want your first date to go perfectly, and the last thing you need is for your date to think you don’t know how to feed yourself! Avoid messes and awkward toothy leftovers by choosing one of these easy-to-eat foods. Forget all those little anxieties so you can enjoy spending time with your date!

Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.

Can I get a guy's opinion on labels on relationships and the unlabeled relationship? I have been dating a guy who doesn't like labels but is exclusively dating me. He believes that expectations of a certain label will cause the relationship to change. I was just wondering if I could get an honest opinion from a guy. –Confused at C of C

Confused,

Labels (or a lack thereof) can certainly be confusing. What are we? Are we anything? If we are something, why can’t I say so? What’s with your hesitance to call us a thing?

For some people, labels serve a purely social purpose. I hate to compare it to owning something, but when you label a relationship, you’re saying, “This person is my boyfriend/girlfriend” (an apt example would be making a relationship “Facebook official”). You’re telling the world that the person you’re seeing is off-limits to everyone else.

For other people, labels serve a personal purpose. It’s nice to know where you stand with someone, and labeling your relationship allows you to do so. When you define the relationship, you know what the terms of the relationship are (Are we exclusive? Is this an open relationship?).

But labels can be scary, especially if the situation emerged from a simple hook-up or a friends-with-benefits situation. With those, labels force you to confront your feelings and decide what you really want. However, if the guy you’re seeing has been exclusively dating you for a while (which I would define as anywhere between a few months and a year or longer), then I see no reason why he would fear a label unless he has something to hide.

Of course labels can change relationships, but more often than not, they change them for the better. Instead of constantly stressing out about what you are or aren’t, they give you breathing room. After putting a label on your relationship, you know where you stand with the other person.

Unlabeled relationships are for frequent hook-ups or friends with benefits. Labels are for people who are exclusively dating each other (like you and your guy, Confused) and are ready to define the relationship. Like I said before, labels give you the personal benefit of knowing where you stand—they give you peace of mind, and how could anyone be afraid of that?

Your guy is hesitant to label the relationship for fear of changing, but I think he needs to realize that “change” isn’t always a synonym for “destroy.” Change doesn’t have to be bad, as long as the two of you are on the same page. Talk things out and ask him what exactly he thinks will change if you use labels. Unless he has something to hide, I don’t see what the big deal is.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

After starting college, a friend introduced me to a guy who happened to be in his final year of my college. At first, he seemed really nice and friendly, and all of a sudden, he was dead flirty and sent me some naughty pictures. I didn't stop myself from the flirting, but I knew that it wasn't going to be nothing more until he started asking to turn up to my dorm room. I didn't mind, and I actually enjoyed his company and we seemed to have a lot in common, however, he did start to show affection soon by simple gestures like cuddling me, holding my hands, eye contact and other affectionate displays of body language. However, as soon as he gets home, he would be a different person and would suggest we do sexual activities the next time we meet. Is he really into me or does he just want sex?–Sexting at Southern Miss

Southern,

Let me save you a lot of time: The dude just wants sex. He’s playing a dangerous game by being super flirty and nice; it’s his way of trying to bait you into liking him enough to sleep with him. And when he does — after he’s caught his prize fish — he’ll throw you back into the ocean like I’m sure he’s done with other women.

It’s easy to trick someone into thinking you have a lot of things in common. “My favorite color is blue!” is met with “Oh yeah, mine too!” (Even though his favorite color is actually red). It’s easy to turn up the “nice factor” to get someone to see you as something you’re not (I would know — I’ve done it before).

This leaves you with two options: One, realize that all you’re going to get out of this is sex — which could be great or it could be mediocre, who knows? Take that for what it is, hook up with him and maybe negotiate a FWB type of thing. However, if you’re developing feelings for this guy, going through with a FWB deal is a potentially explosive situation. If you do in fact have feelings for him, it’s better to pull back and cut him off completely than wait around and hope for things to change.

Or two, ditch the loser if a casual encounter is something you’re just not looking for right now. Honestly, what kind of guy sends unwarranted naughty pictures and sexts? That just seems tasteless to me. It isn’t a sign of someone that genuinely likes you for you, you know?

Once you figure out which option you want to pursue, do it and do it with no regrets. Commit to a casual hookup or commit to ditching someone that honestly sounds like kind of a creeper. So while I’ve offered up bits of advice for certain situations, here’s my final ruling: Ditch him. Casual sex isn’t worth dealing with a two-faced sleaze.

Nothing could be more exciting than a little international love. What could be bad about a fun fling with a foreign campus cutie studying at your American college? However, things can get complicated when that fun fling turns into a real relationship. Is it wise to get romantically involved with an exchange student while knowing that person will only be around for a limited time before returning home? We talked to some experienced collegiettes and came up with seven things to consider before dating a temporary visitor to the States.

1. He’s Different From American Guys

Dating someone from a different country can be a nice departure from the norm. “I dated a guy from Belgium who was studying at my school for the year,” says Krystal, a student at the University of Michigan. “He was so different than any guy I’d ever dated before… I felt like he was always surprising me, whether it was the things we’d talk about or the fun dates he’d plan. He kept things exciting, just because I never knew what to expect from him.”

Of course, not all American boys are the same, but dating someone from another country can give you a totally unexpected experience. You and your old cutie may have spent every Friday night getting burgers and seeing a movie, but with an international cutie you might spend date night sightseeing, trying out a new restaurant or spending the whole night clubbing. Date night may never be predictable again!

2. You Can Learn About an Entirely New Culture

International students aren’t only different in how they treat a date––they come from an entirely different world than you, full of unfamiliar customs and traditions. “Even though it was only for a few months, one of the best relationships I’ve ever been in will always be with the guy who was studying abroad at my school from Belize,” says Jen, a collegiette from the University of Massachusetts Amherst. “He was a great cook, and he’d make all these incredible meals for me that he’d make at home. It was some of the best food I’ve ever had!”

Whether you get to try out his country’s food, listen to the local music or sharpen up your foreign language skills, dating someone from a different culture can allow you to expand your horizons––even if it is for only a short amount of time.

However, culture clashing can come with challenges as well. For Krystal, she found that her cutie “never wanted to go to my favorite bars with all my friends. He said he couldn’t stand all the American pop music they played there.” You may be open to your international guy’s culture, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll be open to embracing yours.   

3. An International Guy is a Novelty

Whether we admit it or not, one of the greatest appeals of dating an international student is the reaction you’ll get from everyone else: jealousy. “My friends couldn’t believe it when I started seeing Ken,” said Krystal. “It was so much fun to be able to introduce him to people, like, ‘This is my boyfriend, Ken. Oh, and he’s from Belgium.’”

Of course, dating someone isn’t all about the reaction you’ll get from others. But we can’t pretend it’s not great to snag the foreign hottie every girl on campus has had her eye on!

4. The Relationship Has an Expiration Date

Whether you just got out of a long relationship or you’re just not looking for anything too serious right now, dating an international student is the perfect opportunity for something a little more casual. “I started seeing a guy in my lit class who was studying here from Germany after I broke up with my sophomore-year boyfriend,” says Brittany, a student at Worcester State University. “It was really exactly what I needed; we both knew he’d be returning home after the end of the semester, and so we just had fun without any expectations of our relationships going anywhere.”

If you’re looking for a fun, casual fling, international students can be your best bet––you go into the relationship knowing they have to leave eventually, and if things end on bad terms, you’ll never have to awkwardly run into them on campus again!

However, if you’re seeking a serious relationship, it’s important to consider whether or not you think things will last once your cutie returns home. “I hadn’t gone into my relationship thinking it would last past the semester, but when it was time for Daniel to return to Dublin, we knew it wasn’t over,” says Kristine from Boston College. “We thought it would be just a limited-time thing, but it has turned out to be so much more.”

Though you may go into a relationship not expecting much more than a fling, be open to the possibility that your international relationship may surpass its expiration date.

5. You Can Have Different Expectations

Dating rituals differ among cultures, and unless you and your international beau explicitly communicate your expectations, some things can become lost in translation. “I had thought things were getting serious between me and a student visiting from England last fall,” says Sarah, a collegiette from Boston University. “He’d take me out dancing and on dates and call me his ‘American lover.’ Unfortunately, I later discovered that he had a number of American lovers. I was looking for a relationship, while he was apparently just looking to hook up with as many Americans as he could in a year.”

Things can also become more serious than you’re interested in if there’s a cross-cultural miscommunication. “When Ken started telling me about taking me home to meet his family, and then later about me moving to Belgium with him after graduation, that’s when I really started to freak out,” Krystal says.

For Sarah, too, physical expectations weren’t always well communicated. “He moved a lot faster than the American guys I’d been with ever did,” she says. “I felt like I was always asking him if we could take things slower, which led to frustration on both our parts.”

Unless you’re both clear on what you’re looking for, both emotionally and physically, you could end up heartbroken (or running for the hills!).

6. It’s Hard to Keep Up the Relationship After He Leaves

After your lover returns to his home country, it might seem romantic to keep the relationship going transnationally. Unfortunately, this usually ends in more frustration than anything. “We kept up correspondence for a little bit after my boyfriend went back to Belize,” Jen says. “But once he was no longer at the same school as me, we realized how different our lives really were; often, he’d just be heading out for the night as I was going to bed! It just wasn’t the same.”

Long-distance relationships can work, but when the two of you are not only in different time zones, but entirely different countries, keeping a connection becomes especially challenging.

Kristine, however, has been able to make it work with her Irish beau. “We’ve been together for a year and a half, even though we’ve lived in the same country for less than a third of that time,” she says. “I’ve gone to visit him twice, and he’s come to visit me twice. We Skype three times a week and text every day. If it’s worth it, you’ll make it work.”

7. You Could Accidentally Fall for Him

You may go into the relationship with the expectation that’s it’s not going to be too serious… but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be able to control how you feel once you’re in it.

“Neither me nor Mark was looking for anything more than a fling, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t start to get attached near the end,” Brittany says. “I’d tell my friends, ‘We’re just having fun,’ but really, I’d fallen for him. I cried when he had to go back home, but I was almost relieved… If he had stayed any longer, I really would have been in deep.”

No one can say how hard you’ll fall or how attached you’ll get when you enter a new relationship, even if it’s one that you know you will (probably) need to end at a certain point. When you get involved with someone who lives so far from you, there’s always the chance that he’ll take a little piece of your heart with him. But that can be a good thing, too. “…Falling for Daniel was the best thing that ever happened to me,” says Kristine. “People always ask me, ‘What’s going to happen next?’ but I’m not worried about that. I took a chance and fell in love, and for now, that’s enough.”

Dating an international student can be fun. You get the chance to experience an entirely new type of relationship. But dating someone who is only in the country for a limited time also comes with the risk that you could fall harder than you ever expected.

In the end, you have to weigh the pros and cons for yourself; would you rather wonder “What if?” for the rest of your life, but save yourself the heartbreak? Or would you rather put your heart on the line and know you gave it a shot? It’s for you to decide, collegiettes!

February 22 to 28 is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. We'll be sharing information about this important issue throughout the week, from what to do if you or a friend is suffering from an eating disorder to how to love your body just the way it is! Be sure to check out all of our content here.

“Men want thin women. It’s just a fact.”

So says a recent article published on Thought Catalog titled “I Love My Eating Disorder,” written by an anonymous female author.

This particular article threw me for a loop. As a writer, I’ve never been afraid to tackle taboo topics, as I believe that they deserve to be covered just as much as—perhaps more than—most of the other things we read about and see on the news. Eating disorders are one of those taboo topics, falling in the same realm as the shameful problems this country has with weight; whether those issues stem from the obesity epidemic or how the media portrays “average” women who are actually tall, leggy and impossibly skinny. Writers shouldn’t be afraid of stepping on toes to avoid dancing around sensitive issues.

As a man, however, particularly one who has friends and family who have suffered and continue to suffer from eating disorders, I was taken aback by the issue. How would I cover the subject appropriately? Moreover, how would I do so without offending the very friends I want to help? I pondered this issue for hours, and I wrote a handful of drafts that in some way or another accurately displayed my feelings on the topic.

“I love my eating disorder.”

I’ll be honest; I didn’t think such a thing was possible. The author of the Thought Catalog article, though anonymous, made points both good and bad.  She compares embracing her eating disorder to people who drink or smoke on a regular basis—after all, consuming alcohol and tobacco are both unhealthy and potentially deadly. Those people make a choice to actively destroy their bodies, so why shouldn’t she be allowed to do the same?

“An eating disorder might be ‘bad’ but is it really worse than being fat? Than being alone? Than hating myself?”

She places “bad” in quotations, as if to imply that there’s some conspiracy behind the danger of eating disorders.

Her logic is slightly flawed. Yes, eating disorders are bad, just like being obese is bad. However, I think it could be argued that embracing an eating disorder is dangerously close to hating yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “You must love yourself before others can love you.” Having an eating disorder is participating in the active destruction of your body.

After reading and re-reading the article, I’ll admit I became somewhat flustered. Not only was this woman refusing to seek help for something that could very well kill her, she was acknowledging its danger at the same time. She knows her disorder is unhealthy, but…

The author believes that in order to “have a great job and a great boyfriend, you have to be hot.” And how does this author become hot? By becoming totally submissive to her disorder.

I can’t say I blame her for thinking this way, even if it does make me want to set my laptop on fire and throw it out the window. Popular media have a history of trying to pass off size-zero models as “the norm,” when the average dress size of the American woman falls somewhere between 12 and 14, and only 5 percent of American women have the body types that are shown most often in television and advertising. As I said above, this country has a massive problem with how weight is both portrayed and perceived.

But even then, I think I was most thrown off by the blog she linked to as “fact.”

The author said near the start of her piece, “Men want thin women. It’s just a fact.” Her facts are flawed beyond comprehension, especially considering that her so-called “facts” link back to a blog post written by a 34-year-old blogger and pick-up artist. The post is titled “8 Things American Women Must Do To Make Themselves More Attractive For Men,” and after opening the link, I was repulsed.

The items in this list ranged from American women needing to “lose the god damn weight,” “talk 80% less” (a point that was aptly paired with a picture portraying a man slapping a woman while shouting, “SHUT THE F*CK UP B*TCH!!”) and “stop self-mutilating” (having tattoos and piercings). The author of the Thought Catalog piece linked to this sexist, dismissive, misogynistic trash and called it fact. By doing so, she completely discounts the opinions of millions of men around the world and instead chooses the opinion of a failed pick-up artist to declare as “fact.”

Let me make this very clear: We all have preferences. We all find certain things more attractive than others, and we all look for certain attributes in potential partners. These preferences, however, do not—should not—discount the other positive attributes and beauty of other people. One man’s opinion, mine included, hardly stands for that of an entire demographic.

The simple fact is that men want different things, and in my research I discovered that most men are looking for a “healthy” size. The common denominator is that men find themselves attracted to realistic women, as opposed to women who are sickly skinny or morbidly obese. The consensus was that “healthy” and “skinny” are hardly the same thing. If a woman is naturally thin, so be it… as long as she’s healthy.

Different men want different things, but I don’t think I’ve ever come across a man who is attracted to a woman who is dangerously skinny.

Eating disorders are not healthy, and this is something even the author admits to—she simply refuses to seek help for something that may very well kill her.

The author does get at least one thing right, though, saying, “Being a woman today is about guarding the control you have over your own life.” That much is true, but she contradicts that statement by allowing her eating disorder—and her desire to become more attractive to men—to take control of her life, and that is truly unfortunate.

Should the author of that article or any person suffering from an eating disorder be reading this article, I implore you to seek help from friends, family or professionals. I promise you that there is so much more to beauty and self-worth than anything physical, and the men of this world (myself included) do not define those parameters. 

Think you might be suffering from an eating disorder? The National Eating Disorders Association has a free and confidential screening to help you determine next steps. If you're looking for more information, be sure to call the NEDA helpline. Looking for ways to help spread the word? Find out how you can get involved on your campus.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

So I slept with my ex-boyfriend's ex-roommate. We were both drinking but definitely not so drunk that we didn't know what we were doing. I had been really into him for a really long time and was thrilled when he asked if I wanted to hang out. After an amazing night and morning, we went back to real life, and now he says we can't continue anything because he feels too bad about the bro code. Does that mean he really does feel bad about it or just isn't that into me? He and my ex are not close, it was just an assigned situation and have not spoken to each other since they stopped living together. We have plans to hang out and "talk" this weekend and I really don't know what to expect. Help! –Confused at Cal

Cal,

While I totally understand the “bro code” (though trust me, it doesn’t really exist in real life — guys can be big backstabbers), I don’t understand this man’s logic.

He’s your ex-boyfriend’s ex-roommate. The key word here being “ex,” as in “former.” I’ll have to consult my Real Live College Guy Bro Code Bible (not to be confused with the very real official Her Campus book coming in April) on this one, but I don’t think there’s any issue here. No, wait, I know there’s not any issue here.

They don’t even live together anymore. I could see boundaries being crossed if that was the case, but they haven’t talked to each other since moving out, and above all else, he’s your ex-boyfriend. He has no control over whomever you sleep with, and his past living situations shouldn’t either!

Which brings me to my admittedly unfortunate underlying point: If the Bro Code is BS (and it is, especially in this case), why is he using it as his excuse?

Look, the two of you were drunk. It’s not that uncommon to sleep with someone in a drunken state and then regret it the next morning. And just because you were into him doesn’t mean he was really into you — he may have just wanted a one-night stand, and that’s okay.

Next time you two meet up, ask him where he’s at with the whole thing and see if anything has changed. If not, I don’t think you should bother pursuing anything. Honestly, I don’t see any reason to. This really seems to come down to a (possibly) drunken one-night stand that he appears to regret. I think it’s most likely that he’s using your ex (and the alleged Bro Code) as an excuse because he doesn’t want to come out and tell you that he’s just not that into you.

We’ve all seen the crazy passionate declarations of love in movies à la When Harry Met Sally, but (luckily!) healthy relationships aren’t all about fiery monologues. So how do strong couples communicate IRL? Believe it or not, sometimes the simplest of words can go a much longer way than a bed of rose petals. Collegiettes shared the sweet little things they say to their SOs on the reg, and experts explained why you should totally add these to your #relationshipgoals.

1. “Thank you.”

So maybe you say “thank you” to the cashier who gives you your change or the stranger who holds the door for you. But these words can have so much more meaning when you say them (with real gratitude!) to your SO.

When you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s easy to forget to appreciate the little things you do for each other. “Gratitude and common courtesy often become victims of familiarity,” says Lesli Doares, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Making the effort to be appreciative shows that you are not taking each other for granted and that you are noticing the positive things your partner does for you.”

Kasia Jaworski, a senior at Villanova University, and her ex-boyfriend were in a relationship for three years. “We would thank each other often,” Kasia says. “I think it's important to show appreciation in a strong relationship. I would always thank him if he took me out to dinner, or he would shoot me a sweet ‘thank you’ text if I called him when he was having a bad day.”

Being in a committed relationship takes a lot of work, compromise and selflessness, so it’s important that both of you remind yourselves and each other how grateful you are.

That said, it’s normal to get stuck in a rut sometimes and forget how happy you are with your SO, which is why “you have to keep the spark alive,” says Fran Greene, a relationship coach and author of The Flirting Bible. “Once you take each other for granted, it says ‘I don’t care about you,’” she explains. “I think the best relationships treat each other like they did in the early stages of dating.”

2. “I’m proud of you.”

Another perfect way to show your partner your appreciation is to recognize his or her accomplishments. You’re a couple, but above all, you’re two awesome individuals working towards your respective aspirations. Remembering that shows how much you respect each other in all your differences and is a crucial aspect of any relationship.

“Expressing pride in your partner means that you see them as a capable, independent person,” Doares says. “It lets them know that you support them in their goals and achievements and that you notice when they [achieve them].”

Caroline Pirozzolo, a freshman at Ithaca College, and her boyfriend, who are in a long-distance relationship, say “I’m proud of you” to each other all the time. “It's simple, but it can be nice to feel supported and loved, even when your SO is far away,” Caroline says. Add it to your relationship vocabulary, and you’ll feel much closer every time you say it.

3. “Good morning” and “good night.”

Although it can seem as commonplace as “thank you,” taking the time to let your SO know you’re thinking about him or her when you wake up and go to bed goes a long way. For Doares, it goes even further than that. “How you greet each other in the morning, how you leave each other, what you do when you come back together and how you say good night are four of the most important things you can do to keep your relationship strong,” she says. “Making time to do this is showing that your relationship and connection are a priority.” Yes, even if it’s just a text.

“My boyfriend and I always text each other good morning and good night along with an ‘I love you,’” says Alexandra Blessing, a junior at Millersville University. “It might seem insignificant, but it's our way of saying we care about one another.”

Just like with “I love you,” you can get super creative with your “good night” texts, using nicknames, emoji, and mentioning all the little things that make your relationship special. Trust us, it’s worth the extra minute out of your day!

4. “We’re a team.”

For a relationship to work, it is so, so crucial for both partners to be equal and respectful of each other. But can you be an item and still pursue your personal goals? Of course! “’Being a team’ doesn’t mean ‘inseparable’ or ‘dependent,’” Doares says. “It means two people working together for common goals. Strong couples make use of each other’s strengths to make their relationship better. They don’t compete with each other as much as they compete for each other.”

Kasia says this mentality played a big role in her relationship. “[My boyfriend and I] would also refer to each other as a ‘team’ or ‘partners,’” she explains. “It implies equality and very high mutual respect.”

Being “in it together” means that you want the same things out of your relationship and are both working towards these goals, but it also means that you support each other’s personal development. It’s all about finding the perfect balance.

5. “You’re amazing.”

Everyone loves compliments, but receiving them from your SO can mean that much more. In Kasia and her ex’s “good night” texts, “[they] made it a point to say what [they] loved about each other specifically - things about [their] personalities, strengths, things like that,” she says.

Although compliments are always appreciated, try to make them about every aspect of your partner. This shows him or her how well-rounded you know he or she is, and how amazing he or she is on so many levels. “Strong couples compliment each other often,” Greene says. “They compliment different dimensions of each other - attractiveness, personality and intelligence. There is no formula for it, but it has to be all of them. A good relationship means that your partner loves you physically, emotionally and mentally.”

In college, we all get a little insecure at times, so “you have to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader, especially in public,” Greene says. “Just be singing their praise.” Show your SO how proud you are of your partner – and mean it!

6. “I feel hurt when…”

Couples fight; this is hardly breaking news. When you’re angry, it can be really difficult to contain your emotions, but yelling is always counterproductive. “When [my boyfriend and I] argue, which is rare, we never yell, because it makes the other person uncomfortable,” says Sarah Beth Kaye, a senior at Rutgers University. “Instead, we say phrases like, ‘I am upset because you are doing XYZ,’ or, ‘I wish you wouldn't do XYZ because it makes me mad. Here's why...’ By rationally talking about what makes us annoyed or upset, we have been able to work through any issues we have and find a good compromise.”

Greene thinks that Sarah Beth and her boyfriend’s strategy is ideal, and her advice is to focus on the one thing that’s upsetting you right now (without blaming your SO or putting him or her down) and to offer a specific solution to the problem.

In short, strong couples call each other out when one of them has crossed a line, but each partner tries to pinpoint what it is exactly that’s upsetting them and works towards a solution. This is why starting with “I feel hurt” is a good way to bring up an issue; it takes the blame out of the discussion, instead focusing on how you feel in response to a specific behavior.

7. “I’m here for you.”

Sometimes, things go wrong. It’s in those difficult times that your relationship really gets put to the test. Your partner needs to be your rock, your shoulder to cry on, while also understanding that he or she can’t be your priority right now. It’s easy to be there for someone on happy days, but it’s a different story when things fall apart.

Your partner needs to know that you are there for him or her. “It’s saying that I’m going to stand by you, stick with you even though this is a horrible time for you,” Greene says. “I know that our relationship can’t be the number one priority during this time and I’m going to do the best that I can because I’m invested enough.”

Although we hope nothing bad happens to you or your partner, “sometimes crises make a couple so much stronger,” Greene says. “It’s also a wonderful way for them to see how they deal with adversity. It’s easy to have a relationship when it’s all fun and games.” Having a caring and understanding partner can be the silver lining to an otherwise painful situation.

8. “Have fun!”

You should definitely cherish the time you spend with your SO, but all “strong couples respect each other’s independence,” Greene says. You should take me-time and time with your friends and encourage your partner to do the same. Spend time with each other’s friends as well - be sure to mix it up!

“There’s no formula, but it’s about trusting and respecting that somebody can have a full life,” Greene says. Say things like, “Have a really good time,” “Have fun with your friends!” or, “Hope your night is awesome; I can’t wait to hear about it!”

Let each other have lives outside of your relationship; this will only make you closer!

It can be difficult to express how you’re feeling, especially when you’re sad or angry. Hopefully the things strong couples say to each other will give you an idea of how to build a lasting relationship, whether it’s right now or in the future - #relationshipgoals!

Flowers don’t have to be the only thing blossoming this spring; romance can, too! A week off from boring classes, huge textbooks and 12-page papers, spring break is the perfect time for dating. Whether you’re traveling, catching up on your favorite Netflix series at home or staying on campus, this stress-free week can become a whole lot better by going out with a campus cutie or two. Since there are so many ways collegiettes like to spend spring break, we’ve got great date ideas for you no matter where you are!

If You’re at the Beach

Take a stroll on the boardwalk

Spend all day on the boardwalk, where you can sample tasty ice cream flavors and get lost in souvenir shops while enjoying the smell of the ocean. Most boardwalks have plenty of rides, shops and restaurants for you and your date to enjoy together. You can also play some games; hopefully he’ll win you a prize!

Go stargazing

Take a blanket out to the beach after dark and get ready for a romantic night. Under the moonlight, you and your date can spot constellations and get cozy together. For extra brownie points, don’t forget your partner’s favorite bottle of wine if you’re 21 or older!

Go to a bonfire

A bonfire on the beach is the perfect date that’s both relaxed and fun. All you need is a bag of chips with dip and two beach chairs. It’s a great way to get to know each other and way more fun than your typical dinner date.

Go to a beachside bar with live music

Try out a new place that comes recommended from a friend, or, if you’re feeling adventurous, go to a new place that neither of you have heard of. There’s nothing better than watching a live performance with your toes in the sand. Who knows, you might find a hidden gem!

If You’re Stuck on Campus

See a band perform

Local bands love to play around college campuses, which usually results in free publicity for them and a free show for you! Find out where you can watch a performance and spend the evening belting out song lyrics together. Chances are it won’t be far away, so you won’t have to worry about transportation.

Set up a beach date in your dorm room

If you can’t make it to the beach, bring the beach to you! Go to your nearest Target and pick up tiki lights and a few inflatable beach toys, like palm trees or beach balls. Decorate your floor with towels and seashells, and, for the perfect finishing touch, grab a few helium-filled dolphin balloons! Be sure to invite another couple to join the fun and make it a double date.

If You’re Abroad

Go hiking

Hiking is a great way to explore and discover new places, especially if you’re in a tropical area. Choose a scenic trail, and, for added romance, be sure to stop at a waterfall along the way!

Have a picnic

Go to a market together and fill up your basket with a variety of local, specialty foods, then have a picnic with all of your choices. You’ll get to experience exotic flavors of tons of fresh food!

Visit a historical site

There’s nothing better than visiting old places in new countries. Look up the most romantic spots in the country and go on a tour with your date. Whether it’s the “Love Lock” bridge in Paris or Juliet’s balcony in Verona, Italy, romance is in the air!

If You’re at Home

Play a board game

Spark up some friendly competition with a few of your favorite childhood board games. You could even invite some friends over and compete with other couples. For a romantic spin on the game if it’s just the two of you, have the loser give the winner a massage!

Create a scavenger hunt

Make a list of different places that you’ve been together and write down romantic clues or riddles to each one. You can include the first place you kissed, your first date, etc.

Meghan Gibbons, a senior at Boston College, made a scavenger hunt for a group of friends. “Although I knew the path we were going to take, it was a lot of fun to see my friends remember the places and all the memories we had there,” she says. It’ll be even more fun and romantic with your S.O.!

Take advantage of your spare time during spring break by setting up some fantastic dates. With warm weather on the rise and so many options to choose from, say goodbye to winter coats and hello to the great outdoors. Love is definitely in the air this spring!

Spring break: a sunny week filled with drinks, friends and flirty guys. If you’re looking to have a little fun this spring break but don’t want to say goodbye to your hottie once the week comes to an end, you’re in the right place. If you play your cards right, you could turn your spring break fling into a relationship in no time. We talked to Dr. Ish Major, board-certified psychiatrist and author of Little White Whys to give you a step-by-step guide on how to turn a spring break hook-up into a relationship, if you’re really falling for your fling. Get ready for an awesome break – and potential new partner!

Step 1: Make your intentions clear

If you go into spring break knowing you want a relationship out of it, be sure your hook-up is on the same page. Try saying something like, “I can’t wait to hang out when we get back!” or, “It’s awesome that we live so close at home.” If he knows you aren’t just looking for a hook-up, he can either let you know it isn’t going to work or keep his sights set on you. Letting him know how you feel up front will prevent heartbreak or potential awkwardness later on.

“I think the first [and] most important step is to be honest with each other about whether [a relationship] is something you both want to pursue,” Dr. Major says. “While you’re in the moment, it might be hard to figure that out, but shortly after, once some of the party dust has settled just a bit, that can be a conversation that you both have. The key part is that you both agree to pursue it.”

Dr. Major also mentions that your fling may not be looking for the same thing as you: “Keep in mind, it is spring break, and he may not be interested in anything beyond hooking up today or tonight or for the rest of the trip, so an idea like that may turn him off. But this is about you feeling good about what’s happening, so if a relationship is what you’re looking for then claim that, stand in that dream and don’t back down from it.”

Step 2: Get to know each other

The atmosphere of spring break (read: so many shirtless men and margaritas) can make it hard to focus on reality. If you’re serious about turning your fling into a relationship, it’s crucial to be sure you really know the person. Your crush may seem like your perfect match amidst all the drinks and fun, but outside spring break, he or she could be totally different. “Getting an idea of where he’s headed or wants to go in life will give you a really good sense of how well your lives will mesh together once your back home,” Dr. Major says. Try going out to dinner – just the two of you – to see how much you have in common. If you really know what you’re getting into and still feel the same way about him or her, you can take the next step in becoming a real thing.

“People are often a lot ‘different’ when they’re on vacation than when they’re at home in their normal routine,” Dr. Major adds. “So the person you met on spring break may not be the person he is when he’s in his natural environment. That’s where the ‘getting to know each other’ on a deeper level beyond the break comes into play. The sooner you can ask some deeper questions and have more meaningful conversations, the sooner you’ll be able to figure that out.”

If the person you’re with is the guy who hasn’t worn a shirt all weekend, always has a Natty light in hand and is constantly flirting with other people, it should be pretty clear that he or she isn’t S.O. material. Find someone who you have a lot in common with and like for their personality, not their abs.

Step 3: Have “the talk”

If the end of spring break is rolling around and you’re still crazy about your crush, you two should have a serious talk about what’s next. If you’re both on the same page about wanting to continue the relationship, decide when you’ll see each other next. If you go to school close to one another (or even at the same school), it shouldn’t be hard to schedule a date or time to hang out. If you don’t go to school near one another, you have to be sure you’re ready for the commitment of a long-distance relationship.

So, how do you approach the conversation? Dr. Major suggests: “You can say something like, ‘Wow, I’m having such a really great time with you. I really don’t want this feeling to end. I know it might be hard, but I wish there was a way to keep this going,’ then wait for a response. That way, you’ve made it okay and not awkward to talk about the elephant in the room. You may or may not get the response you were looking for, but at least you can feel good about being brave enough to go for it!”

He also says, “It’s a spring break fling, so chances are you’re probably not from the same place, which means anything long-term may have to be long-distance for a while. If that’s the case, then you both have to be willing to put in that effort.”

Be sure to have this talk before spring break ends so you aren’t left with any confusion or misunderstandings. Having closure will leave you feeling confident about returning to normal life without worrying about where you and your spring break fling stand.

Step 4: Stay connected

Communication is key in any relationship, and it will be the deciding factor in whether or not your spring break fling will last. Continue talking to your guy after break and make sure you both still feel the same way once normal life has resumed. If you keep in touch and can see one another, your relationship is off to a good start. If there’s a lack of communication and you aren’t on the same page, things may begin to go downhill.

Try Dr. Major’s tips for staying connected beyond the break:

• Keep in frequent contact via text/Skype/calls.
• Set a definite date to see each other again soon.
• Talk about the fun you had over break and see if there were some things that they saw/heard/did that you didn’t. Share different perspectives of that shared experience.
• Talk about the people you know and the places you’ve gone. Chances are you may have some people/places and things in common that you didn’t expect!
• Give each other a glimpse into your ‘real worlds’ and your real-world selves. Spring break is a different setting; now it’s time to get to know each other in your natural settings in the midst of your day-to-day routines and see if the chemistry is still there.

If you aren’t ready to say goodbye to your fling once spring break comes to an end, follow our guide and you can hopefully turn it into a relationship. If your feelings are as strong as you think they are, you’ll be able work on transitioning from spring break to normal life. Be yourself and you’re bound to find the hottie of your dreams. Good luck, collegiettes!

As much as we all love Mean Girls, there’s only so many times we can watch it (and recite every line) before we need a little bit of change. There are literally millions of movies out there, which means there are thousands of chick flicks for you to watch that you haven’t seen yet. Give some of the lesser-known movies a try! Just because you haven’t heard of them doesn’t mean that they aren’t any good.

Here are some of our new favorites that we think you’ll love, too!

1. Heartbreakers (2001)

You’ll like this if you loved: John Tucker Must Die

Summary: Mother-daughter duo Max (Sigourney Weaver) and Page (Jennifer Love Hewitt) are experts when it comes to scamming wealthy men for their money. In their attempt to make the last con of their careers a good one, Max and Page decide to go after an older billionaire to see how much they can squander out of him. Things take an unusual turn when Page falls in love with a young bartender and begins to focus more on him than the scheme she has with her mother. Max must try to reel her daughter back into their world of lies and deceit.

Just like John Tucker Must Die, this movie is all about girls coming together and exploiting guys for their own personal benefit. While it’s obviously a comedic film, there’s also some drama and action as well.

Where to watch: Amazon Instant Video

2. Friends with Kids (2011)

You’ll like this if you loved: Friends with Benefits

Summary: This star-studded film (Kristen Wiig, Adam Scott, Jon Hamm, Maya Rudolph, Megan Fox) is about two friends, Julie and Jason, who platonically decide to have a child together because they’re the only two people in their friend group without kids. Julie and Jason don’t see anything wrong with their setup, but from their friends’ perspectives, Julie and Jason are making a really bad decision. What could go wrong when two long-time friends share parenting responsibilities but peruse their own separate romantic lives?

This movie shows us a side of adulthood that’s different than those other movies that show people getting married and living happily ever after. This funny movie is filled with lots of sarcastic humor and a great cast.

Where to watch: Amazon Instant Video

3. Bachelorette (2012)

You’ll like this if you loved: Bridesmaids

Summary:  Four high school friends—Becky, Regan, Gena and Katie (Rebel Wilson, Kirsten Dunst, Lizzy Caplan, and Isla Fisher, respectively)—are reunited on the weekend of Becky’s wedding in New York City. Becky’s three friends have a heck of a time wreaking havoc in the city and almost ruining the wedding. Their irresponsible antics and carelessness causes some major speed bumps and creates some serious tension between themselves and Becky. Similar to Bridesmaids, this chick flick is full of a ragtag group of girls that all of your friends will love.

Where to watch: Amazon Instant Video

4. The Sweetest Thing (2002)

You’ll like this if you loved: 50 First Dates

Summary: Christina (Cameron Diaz) had sworn off men after being heartbroken time and time again. Her man strike is going along great until she meets Peter at a club one night. After missing her chance with him that night, she decides to crash his brother’s wedding in the hopes of getting another chance with Peter. She and her friends run into some obstacles along the way on Christina’s journey to find Mr. Right. If you love to watch someone try to find true love while making mistake after mistake along the way, then this is the movie for you.

Where to watch: Netflix

5. Serendipity (2001)

You’ll like this if you loved: Say Anything…

Summary: Jonathan (John Cusack) runs into Sara (Kate Beckinsale) during the holiday season in a department store one year when they both reached for the same pair of black gloves. They go on an adventure that night exploring the city and getting to know each other. When the night is over, Jonathan asks for Sara’s phone number, so she writes it in a book that she is going to sell in a used bookstore in the city. Likewise, Jonathan writes his number on a $5 bill. She insists that fate, or serendipity, will bring the two back together and they will each find the numbers. The movie follows the journey of the two long-lost lovers trying to find each other years after their amazing night together.

Where to watch: Amazon Instant Video

6. Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)                         

You’ll like this if you loved: Pretty in Pink

Summary: Watts, a young tomboy, (Mary Stuart Masterson) realizes that she has developed deep romantic feelings for her best friend Keith (Eric Stoltz) after he goes on a date with the most beautiful and popular girl in their school. Watts has a difficult time accepting the fact that she could lose her best friend and newfound love interest to some girly girl who barely knows Keith. Things also get a little complicated when the girl’s ex-boyfriend, who still has strong feelings for her, finds out she went on a date with Keith. This is another one of those classic ‘80s movies with all the teased bangs and overdramatic acting you could ever wish for.

Where to watch: Amazon Instant Video

7. Stuck in Love (2012)

You’ll like this if you loved: Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Summary: Writer Bill Borgens (Greg Kinnear) and his ex-wife Erica (Jennifer Connelly) have been divorced for three years now. Bill, who lives with his two teenage kids, Samantha (Lily Collins) and Rusty (Nat Wolff), is looking to get back into the world of dating. He gets some help from his hook up-buddy (Kristen Bell) setting up his online dating profiles and figuring out what to wear. Meanwhile, Sam’s book is about to be published and she is not looking for a serious relationship whatsoever. In between random hook-ups, she meets a nice guy named Lou who is determined to win Sam’s heart. Following a set of interconnected love stories like Crazy, Stupid, Love., this chick flick will undoubtedly keep you on your toes.

Where to watch: Netflix

Now that you have a good list of chick flicks you haven’t seen before, grab some girlfriends and a ton of popcorn and have the best girl’s night ever! Your friends will love the slew of new movies you have to offer. Happy watching!

Spring break is pretty much the highlight of the spring semester – and, let’s be real, probably the entire school year. You might not be running around with James Franco all week à la Spring Breakers, but you’re definitely expecting to have a good time. During your week of partying (hey, we don’t judge) and mingling with a whole new pool of cuties, it’s pretty likely you could find yourself hooking up with someone.

While we all wish we could make ourselves believe that we’ll be regret-free by the time we’re road-tripping home, hookups can easily lead to a lot of regret, especially if you’re not careful. Follow our tips for staying sexually safe over the break and you’ll be less likely to come home from your break with, uh, an itch.

1. Have a plan with your friends

Remember how, in grade school, you had designated meeting spots to go to in case of a fire or other emergency? Good news, ladies: It’s finally time to put those skills to good use.

In a crazy beach town or all-inclusive resort, there’s a ton of things to do and lots of people to do them with. Since you’ll be meeting new people (particularly potential hook-ups), you probably won’t end up staying with your group of friends the entire time. It happens. What’s important is that you guys have some kind of plan for making sure that, at the end of the day, everyone is together and in one piece.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, PhD, a psychology professor and licensed clinical psychologist, says staying connected with your friends could prevent you from making a dumb, drunk decision. “Keep checking in with friends so you’re not hooking up while too intoxicated,” she says. “That’s when bad decisions are often made.”

Plan to meet up at a spot for lunch and make everyone chug a bottle of water. Plan on seeing your friends back at the condo at the end of the night, unless someone has (soberly) specified otherwise. No matter your plan, make sure you stick to it. Not only is it more fun to keep up with your friends (Hello, you each have to have a different cute picture of all of you to Instagram!), it’s also way safer.

2. Remember contraceptives

Maybe you’re anticipating hooking up during your trip, or maybe you’re not. Either way, bring condoms. According to Dr. Durvasula, you should definitely not rely on the guy to have them. “Condoms are essential and women should be the ones holding them,” she says. “Ideally, the man has them with him, too – but don't let his convenient oversight put you in a bad position.”

Iris, a junior at UCLA, says she’s bringing condoms to her spring break trip to Cabo San Lucas even though she doesn’t plan on hooking up with anyone. “I always carry condoms, because it’s better to err on the safe side,” she says. “You really have nothing to lose – especially since you can get them for free everywhere on college campuses.”

Condoms are an important part of safe sex at all times, but they’re especially important if you’re not in a committed relationship. Spring break hookups, while spontaneous and fun, are usually random and unexpected. You probably won’t know how many people your hookup has been with, or even if he or she has an STD.

In addition to having condoms, you should also be diligent about taking your birth control, if you use it. Obviously, it’s a lot harder to remember to take it when you’re so hungover you can barely move from wherever it is that you fell asleep the night before. If you regularly take birth control to prevent pregnancy, though, it’s crucial that you remember to keep consistent throughout the week.

If you find yourself hooking up with someone (or multiple someones) during your break – even if you’re using condoms – keeping up with your birth control is the best way to protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy. “Ideally the combination of condoms and another consistent method of contraception is optimal,” Dr. Durvasula says. You heard the woman: Get your butt out of bed (or off the beach) and take it, if you’re on it. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did.

3. Watch how much you drink

When you’re out in the sun all day, losing track of everything from the time to your cell phone, it’s a good idea to monitor your alcohol intake, as un-fun as that may sound. Susan Kirtz, health promotion coordinator at the University of Texas, says she knows that spring break “includes heavier drinking and increased sexual activity compared to everyday campus life.” That’s why you need to pay attention.

According to Kirtz, watching your alcohol intake during the week doesn’t just have to be counting your drinks; she offers several ways to make sure you’re not getting too drunk. “Stay with the same group of friends [when you’re drinking], eat before and while drinking and alternate alcoholic with non-alcoholic beverages, like water,” she suggests.

Kirtz also mentions the ugly truth we all know: Increased drinking means an increased chance of unprotected sex. The more careful you are about making sure you’re sober enough to make smart decisions about sex, the less likely you are to wind up forgetting to use a condom.

4. Get an STI test

By the time you finish a middle school health class, you probably know something about (or have seen pictures of) the terrible signs and symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases. STDs are scary – but they’re also largely talked about and preventable. STIs – sexually transmitted infections – are generally less talked about, but still just as pesky. STIs can range from a yeast infection to chlamydia and gonorrhea.

Dr. Durvasula recommends that all sexually active college students get tested after every new partner for STIs – and especially after a spring break trip, when there’s a pretty good chance you have no idea what your partner’s sexual history is. “With STIs, early detection and treatment are important,” she says. “HIV can take six months to show up on testing, and some STIs such as HSV (Herpes) require blood work that often needs to be [separately] requested.”

Don’t be fooled by thinking that sex is the only way to get an STD – there are several other sneaky culprits that can leave you with an itch (or worse). While there’s almost no way to completely prevent yourself from ever getting a disease or infection, you can decrease the risk by using condoms and getting tested just to be sure. You never know who else that blonde from California (or was it Colorado?) you met on the beach has been with.

5. Know your limits

With all of the hype surrounding spring break, it’s easy to get super excited and set high expectations for what your week will be like. Once you’re in the middle of it and everyone around you is partying like there’s no tomorrow, you might feel the need (and desire!) to keep up and find a hottie to have some fun of your own with. There’s no harm in that – but Dr. Durvasula warns not to do anything you’re not comfortable with, as research shows that hookups aren’t exactly great for women’s self esteem.

“One-night stands are risky, not just medically but also psychologically,” she says. “Sex is great, but if it feels like it was while you were intoxicated or you weren't in your clearest state of mind, it can leave you wondering.”

Hooking up doesn’t always mean sex, but you should feel free to draw your own lines of what you’re okay with regardless of what your friends are doing. “Communicate with your partner,” Kirtz advises. “Before things heat up, talk about your sexual boundaries. The conversation may be uncomfortable, but you’ll be glad you took control of your own sexual health.”

Know what you’re okay with doing, and don’t feel pressure to push the limits over break. As Dr. Durvasula reminds us, “having sex is not a competitive sport, and she who has the most partners does not win.” She explains, “It's ok to say no – and even to go home not having kissed a boy with just a healthy, sunny glow.”

Make a plan to stay safe – and have your friends keep you accountable. If you’re prepared, you’re less likely to encounter any bad situations – and more likely to have the time of your life over break!

You’ve picked out the perfect swimsuit. You’ve been working on your bikini bod for the past few weeks and planning your trip for the last six months. It’s time for spring break… and a new guy pool! Between the sunny days and breezy nights, there is plenty of mingling to be done. Here are five guys you are sure to meet on your sun-soaked adventure this spring.

1. The Straggler

He’s cute and he’s charming, but you’re not exactly sure who he is. You’re not sure whom he came with or whom he knows, but he always seems to be there. Most likely wearing a cheesy graphic tee with mismatched swim trunks, he’s made friends with you and all your friends, but his origins are still unknown.

Oddly loveable, this fellow is always down for adventure. Because he doesn’t seem to have a group of his own to coordinate with, he is up for anything. Boogie boarding, parasailing—the sky is the limit! His nomadic air and adventurous spirit make him the perfect party pal. Just don’t be surprised if he’s a part of your posse one day and gone the next.

2. The Party Animal

This guy stands out among the throng of bros chilling in the sun. Wearing Chacos, pastel swim trunks and a visor, he’ll be the one egging you on to bong the next beer. Feel free to decline his generous offer.

There’s no such thing as “taking a break” for this wild child. He’s ready to have the sickest week of his life, and he wants everyone to have the same experience. This ringleader is a great guy to know because he will always know the hottest party spots and will even have backup plans in case the destination turns out to be a dud.

Whether he’s rallying the troops at the end of the night to have another beer or searching for his Ray Bans the next morning because he went a little too hard, you’ll recognize this guy. And the party’s not over until he says it’s over.

3. The Guy Who’s Just Along for the Ride

This guy is the epitome of what it means to “tag along.” Spring break sounded like an interesting concept back in October when his friends first talked to him about flocking south. He figured hitting the beach would be more fun than spending a week at home getting ahead on upcoming assignments. This guy just wants to see what all the hype is about.

You can find this dude toward the back of the pack, soaking up the experience without getting directly involved, wearing an understated, plain, white T-shirt and sun-faded swim trunks from last summer. Comfort and mobility are his style goals; he never knows what his friends may try to get him to do.

While he may be a little more hesitant to join in the fun simply because he’s out of his element, that doesn’t mean he won’t try. You may have to be the one to offer him a drink instead of the other way around, but once you get him warmed up, he’ll be the life of the party in no time.

4. The Townie

A bunch of college kids coming to the beach for a week of lighthearted decadence is only appealing to one type of guy: The Townie. This guy lives for spring break season, when thousands of girls flock to his local beach.

A tad older than the rest of your crowd, he has this inviting, casual air around him. His intriguing, legitimately vintage T-shirt and hemp necklace almost allow you to forgive him for wearing khaki cargo pants. Almost.

For him, you are part of a new, transient babe pool, and he is ready to dive in. This is his spring break as much as it is yours. From late nights at the bar to casual walks on the boardwalk, this is his chance to show you what his town really has to offer. He’ll probably offer to teach you how to surf or invite you to dine with him at the best sushi restaurant in town.

While he may occasionally be sporting a “been there, done that” expression on his face, the opportunity for him to show off in his element is sure to make him come alive.

5. The Creepy Old Guy

This guy is a spring break staple. An older, slightly creepier version of the townie, this leathery local seems to always be conveniently sunning himself wherever you and your friends are at the beach.

While he may be wearing clothes that don’t fit his age (or his beer belly), he’s a potentially harmless, people-watching local just trying to catch some rays. He even told you about the local diner where you can get the cheapest, most delicious late-night food in town. But he may cross a line when he steps up to shotgun the next beer with your guy friends. Just casually laugh and find an excuse to walk away… Oh! Is that a bird eating the turkey wrap you left out on your towel?!

The guys you meet on spring break are one of a kind, and they always spice up any situation. No matter what their type may be, if you feel comfortable hanging out with them, go for it. It’s spring break, and the week is full of surprises!