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Real Live College Guy Dale: Does He Want to Date Me?

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I met this guy through friends last year, and when I ran into him at the end of summer, he asked me to coffee. On a whim, I asked him to my sorority's formal, and we had so much fun. He initiated kissing me and it seemed like he really liked me. Since then, he's asked me to hang out a few times, but I still can't figure out what he wants. He's admittedly a horrible texter and would never think to call or send a "Hey, what's up?" message. Everyone who knows him only says great things about him and wants me to date him, but I'm getting a little tired of the lack of communication. –Perplexed at Poly

Perplexed,

Sigh. I know firsthand what being a horrible texter is like. Unless I really know someone, texting is a challenge. Messages that are too short make it sound like I’m not interested, and messages that are too long come off as sounding long-winded. Finding that perfect in-between that accurately details how I’m feeling at that particular moment can be insanely difficult.

Really though, Perplexed, he’s done everything else right. To me at least, it seems as though he’s definitely dropped a few hints that he’s interested in you. I can’t imagine anything more blatant than going to your formal and initiating a kiss. If you were looking for a sign, that was it.

Still, I think it’s a common misconception that men are bad at communication. What many women seem to forget is that we can’t read minds, so when you don’t outwardly communicate your feelings, we can’t always get an accurate reading and reciprocate those feelings. Do you like this guy? It sounds like it. Have you told him? It doesn’t sound like it. Have you taken the initiative to ask him out again? If not, maybe you should try.

Don’t get me wrong; if the guy likes you he should totally ask you out. But maybe he has a bad case of the nerves, or maybe he doesn’t know how you feel about him. Like I said, guys can’t read minds––unless he knows for certain that you like him, I don’t think he’s going to take the risk of asking you out.

You’re right about one thing though: there is definitely a lack of communication, not just on his end, but on yours as well. If you like him, take the initiative and ask him out. The worst he can say is no, but given the situation, I think you’d get a solid yes.

Fill out my online form.

10 Ways to Get a Date by Valentine's Day

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Don’t you miss those grade school days, when every person in your class had to put a hand-addressed Valentine in your red-paper-pasted box?  Now, only the smug coupled-up people among us are guaranteed some attention on Valentine’s Day, and even they complain it’s not enough ("He didn’t get me the right kind of flowers!" etc). So why bother with it? Well, because it’s kind of fun to get all dolled up and go somewhere romantic, imagining for weeks beforehand how it will be the best night of your life. What do you do if you haven’t got a date to look forward to yet? Make one. Here are 10 foolproof tips to make sure you’ve snagged a body to sit across from at the fancy restaurant of your choice.

1. Mix some red into your daily ensembles

This study (you really needn’t bother with reading the full thing) shows that when collegiettes wear red, college cuties pay more attention to us.  Okay, maybe they didn’t use those exact terms, but that’s the gist of it.  Wearing the color may entice boys to “sit closer” to us and ask us “more intimate questions.”  One “intimate question” being, “Will you allow me to pick you up in my horse-drawn carriage on February the 14th?”

Heidi montag ready for valentine's day holding a heart shaped balloon that says I Love You wearing red high heels laying on a bed with a a zebra print blanket crossing her legs

2. Gab like a guy

You may be thinking about the perfect candy-red shade of lipstick to wear on the big night, but no dude is.  Engage your crush by bringing up any topic free of conversation hearts: how March Madness is impending or how your favorite sitcom is (finally) back from hiatus.  He’ll notice you’re a cool chick, not one of these crazed, date-hungry psychos that seem to be walking around campus (not us, not us).

3. Increase the intimacy

If you have your sights set on a certain valentine, show him you’re open to more than just a weekend hookup or casual conversation in class. Former Real Live College Guy Joey admits, “I immediately have my interest piqued if a girl begins to touch me at all, even something like picking a crumb off my sweater or touching my arm when [I’m] talking. Become more open and available.”  Joey also recommends asking your dude if he has plans for Valentine’s Day weekend WITHOUT mentioning Valentine’s Day.  This shows you’re open to hanging out but takes away some of the pressure.

4. Be alluring

If you’re dead set on snagging a man, you’ll want to up the ante when it comes to dressing for class and extra-curricular activities, like frat parties and basketball games.  Boy Expert Cher, of the timeless classic Clueless, once said, “Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.”  This may not be your exact end goal, but ditching a few of the bulky winter layers we’ve all been buried in lately couldn’t hurt.

Clueless the movie Alicia Silverstone feather pen students in class chick flicks romantic comedy

5. Get a group together

The solo-date can be terrifying if you’re on it with someone you don’t know that well (seriously, any restaurant you go to will be full of people who ARE in love).  If you’re not ready for it, Anna, from The College of William & Mary, recommends grabbing a group of girls and guys and heading to the latest horror flick.  “It’s a good excuse to cozy up to your crush during the scary parts,” she says.

6. Get set up

It’s a huge risk, but ever-hopeful collegiette Sarah, from Colby College, says that it’s worth the reward.  “Getting set up is romantic because it can be great or the most awkward experience ever.  Valentine’s Day is miserable if you’re single, so take the chance!”  Go ahead and ask your friends or sorority sisters if they know any eligible bachelors who would like to meet up on a day that just so happens to be the 14th.  It could be a story for the grandchildren!  And if you don’t have anyone to set you up?  Check out HowAboutWe.com, which allows you to pick a fun guy AND a fun date idea . . . what could be better?

The Notebook the movie ryan gosling and rachel mcadams romantic gesture making out in the rain all wet

7. Take advantage of the weekend before

Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday this year, so use the weekend before to get out and mingle!  Dating expert and publisher of OnlineDatingMagazine.com, Joe Tracy, advises to simply “be out there.”  He says that the best way to get asked out is to “be self-confident and always look your best. Smile at people and say ‘hello’ when you pass them on campus or off.”  Hit up the spots where you know your crush will be hanging out, or better yet, make plans to meet up with him.  If you take the initiative first, he may surprise you by asking you out for Saturday.

8. Go for a guy friend

Maybe you don’t see your BGF as a romantic option, but he could be a ton of fun.  Collegiette Remy, from William & Mary, recalls, “Last year, my guy friend and I went to one of the only romantic restaurants near campus and just mocked, quietly of course, other couples.  I’ve never had a better Valentine’s Day.”

Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner Valentine's Day the movie couple boyfriend and girlfriend flower delivery to a school teacher bouquet of flowers gift

9. Guilt him into it

When I asked my current boyfriend how I managed to get him to ask me out last V-Day (we weren’t officially dating then), he told me he felt like he basically had to because of all the hints I dropped.  Really romantic, right??  We’re still dating, so I guess the “guilt trip” can work, although it doesn’t make for a great story.

10. Just ask him out!

If you want the date, Former RLCG Joey says, “Don't be afraid to ask him out.  Guys admire initiative, especially if they're shy. This isn't the 16th Century . . . girls don't have to be courted.”  If all else fails, make the romance happen yourself.

 

Well, what are you waiting for?  Go pick out your outfit, get a heart-design manicure and slap a picture of Cupid up on your dorm room door.  You can officially get in the spirit, because you’ll have a date for the big day.  And if you don’t?  Joe Tracy advises spending the day racking up “good karma” by helping those less fortunate.  Sounds like a plan to me!

Valentine's Day: Girls' Expectations vs. Guys' Reality

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Whether you're single, in a relationship or somewhere in between, we all have an idea of what we expect on Valentine's Day. We hate to admit it, but our expectations are usually 5,000 miles from the reality of how V-Day really goes down.  Just because we drop hints doesn't mean our guys pick them up...

Girls' Expectation:

He's going to jump out of bed and get started on his huge plans for the day. He can hardly wait for you to get out of class because he has been planning this for months.

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

You'll ask him what he's planned for the day and he'll act all coy, pretending it's nothing big. But you know he has something up his sleeve...

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

Before you head out to class for the day, he'll whisper something super romantic and beautiful into your ear.

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

You can't wait to get home later, because he totally got you that Tiffany necklace you've been eyeing for months. He probably even got it back in October because he wanted to make sure he had the perfect gift in advance. He's so sweet. 

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

Your phone will be blowing up all day from the cute selfies of himself preparing for the big romantic night. One of him cleaning the apartment, another one of him setting the table... maybe even one of him taking a pre-date bubble bath! He knows how to make you laugh while being so adorable. 

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

He'll be waiting for you when you get home from class with his apartment completely covered in balloons and rose petals. Oh, he is so damn cute!

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

You told him not to get you flowers, but he's not stupid. He'll totally get creative and get you some that are unique and out of the ordinary, but so thoughtful. Maybe daisies that are identical to the ones he picked for you on your first date...

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

Oh, and just think of the dinner he's going to make you! Who needs to go out for some overpriced lobster meal when your man is so great (and not to mention sexy) in the kitchen?

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

Then he says he has something totally crazy planned. He's probably going to take you to that hole-in-the-wall karaoke bar you begged him to take you to last summer. He's so cute, remembering stuff like that. 

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

Even if his voice sucks, he will give you his best version of classic love songs all the way to this "crazy" date. 

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

After the crazy (not to mention super thoughtful) date, you suggest a walk before you head home. Of course, he says he couldn't think of anything he'd rather do.

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

At the end of the walk, he'll grab you by the waist and pull you in for a slow dance. Just the two of you, dancing away. You always knew he secretly loved dancing. 

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

When you get home, he'll give you some sexy little show to make you giggle and get you excited...

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

Then he'll pin you up against the wall and you'll have the steamiest hook-up ever. He's so hot and romantic. He always knows how to keep you on your toes. 

Guys' Reality:

Girls' Expectation:

And then he insists you stay up all night, talking and laughing about the most random things: "Do you remember how we first met? Or the first thing I said to you? I remember it like it was yesterday." What a perfect end to a perfect Valentine's Day.

Guys' Reality:

7 ‘Bachelorette’ Dates That Would Be Real-Life Disasters

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Whether it’s one-on-one or a group date, The Bachelorette has certainly pushed the limits when it comes to ridiculous dates. Many of the Bachelorettes have been pampered with private concerts, fancy dinners and unlimited shopping sprees, while others weren’t so lucky. There have been tons of crazy dates over the show’s 10 seasons of matchmaking, but these seven are definitely the worst. If you’re still looking for a Valentine’s Day date idea, you’ll be better off if you avoid these ones!

1. Polka Dancing

Season 10, episode 8

This past season, Nick took Bachelorette Andi out polka dancing in his hometown. Andi may have been all smiles during the show, but in the real world, this date idea could be a little too much, especially if you’re still getting to know each other. Imagine trying to find that special spark with someone while simultaneously trying to learn polka choreography. On top of that, this is a serious opportunity for embarrassment if you don’t consider yourself the dancing type. Leave the polka for Dancing with the Stars.

2. Tractor Ride

Season 10, episode 8

A cornfield doesn’t usually come to mind when planning a perfect date, but that’s not the case for this bachelor. Chris took Andi out for a tractor ride during his hometown date. Ice-skating, go-karts and amusement parks are all popular hot spots for a date, but a tractor ride doesn’t really scream romance. Andi may have been impressed that this Bachelor had his own house, but not so much his own tractor. Not to mention the trouble it would take to find suitable wardrobe. Are there guidelines for what to wear on a tractor date? For the sake of your fancy footwear, skip the tractor.

3. Dodgeball

Season 9, episode 3

One of the strangest group dates of season nine involved a competitive game of dodgeball. Bachelorette Desiree made them dress up in short shorts (awkward much?) and try to impress her with their sports skills. While athletic-themed dates can be fun, there’s a serious difference between hitting the batting cages and playing group dodgeball. This isn’t high school gym class! No matter how sporty you or your date may be, throwing dodgeballs probably won’t end well. One of the bachelors even broke his finger during the game. Nothing kills the mood more than an injury on a date, especially when it happens after you’re pelted in the face with a rubber ball. 

4. Puppet Show

Season 8, episode 8

Although Bachelorette Emily from season eight seemed to be on board, a puppet show in an ancient library would probably be one of the most boring dates ever, not to mention a little creepy. To be honest, it kind of sounds like the plot of a horror movie. If there were a list of all the activities you could do on a date, a puppet show wouldn’t even the make the list. Acting as a puppeteer isn’t an activity you do to spend intimate time with someone. This bachelor should have pulled some different strings to plan a more romantic date—maybe one that didn’t make Emily look so uncomfortable.  Unless you can get the Muppets themselves to accompany you on your date, save the puppet show idea as a last resort. The absolute last. 

5. Flash mob

Season 7, episode 3

Flash mobs were once a cool craze, but not exactly a great plan for a date. Season seven Bachelorette Ashley embraced the opportunity to be a part of a flash mob. The planning and preparation is already too much for a date without the execution of the flash mob itself. Bachelor Ben even admitted that is was in fact “the most ridiculous first date [he’s] ever been on.” Learning a spontaneous dance with a group of people might be fun in some settings, but a date doesn’t really seem like the right time. The one time a flash mob mixes well with romance is during a surprise proposal. So if no one is popping the question, let’s agree to avoid it. 

6. Lie detector test

Season 10, episode 6

While honesty is an important part of any potential relationship, making your date take a lie detector test is pretty extreme. In fact, it’s crazy. There are so many ways this date could end badly—if the person even stuck around long enough to see the end. Even though Andi decided not to look at the results of the tests, this still seems pretty invasive. The only way this date would be successful is if your goal was to scare the person away. Trust can’t exist after a lie detector test, and neither can the promise of an exciting relationship.

7. Strip club

Season 10, episode 2

This required the bachelors to bare everything… literally. Why this one isn’t the brightest idea is kind of a no-brainer. It’s already bold to take a date to a strip club, but to strip for your date at a club takes a lot of confidence. Although the guys decided to embrace it and try to impress her with their dance moves, maybe leave the intimacy to a more private venue. It may be The Bachelorette, but this isn’t a bachelorette party.

While these ridiculous dates may be entertaining to watch on TV, imagine actually living them out. It doesn’t matter if you’re just getting to know someone or you’ve been together a while; these date ideas are likely to fall flat. If you’re planning a Valentine’s Day date night, don’t get ideas from The Bachelorette.

6 Valentine’s Day Date Ideas You Haven’t Tried

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Whether you and your campus cutie have been going steady since freshman year or you hooked up at a house party last month and have been inseparable ever since, by the time February rolls around, you start feeling the pressure to come up with a fun date idea for you and your crush on Valentine's Day. Don’t fret! Here are six date ideas for Valentine’s Day that are fun and collegiette budget-approved!

Take a dance class together

Ballroom dancing? Yes! Tango for two? Sultry – definitely yes! Irish step? Er… sure, why not? So why not skip the sweaty dance floor in a frat’s basement for once and take a dance class together? You can often find a class to try out together at the gym or on campus with a student group. The workout will get your blood pumping, and even if your crush doesn’t exactly have Justin Timberlake or Taylor Swift's dance moves and you’re tripping over each other's feet – that’s okay! You’ll be having too much fun laughing with each other to care.

Host a picnic… indoors!

It’s absolutely freezing outside, so having a picnic out on the grassy campus lawns is out of the question. So why not bring your blankets indoors? Spread a blanket out on the floor, light some candles (battery-operated ones if you live in a dorm hall that doesn’t allow them) and cook up some food to share. It doesn't have to be fancy, but your S.O. will appreciate something a little more romantic than your Ramen noodles special. It’s way less cheesy (not to mention, cheaper) than the dinner-and-a-movie combo and it’s a good way to enjoy a homemade meal together. Bon appetit!

Stargaze at the planetarium

Ok, we’ll admit that we got a little inspiration for this idea from Friends. And while the rocky relationship between Ross and Rachel isn’t exactly what we’re approving, we think that their first date at a planetarium was still a cool idea. It beats having to get bundled up to sit out in the freezing winter night, but see if you can sneak in a Thermos of hot cocoa to simulate the experience of stargazing outdoors anyway! Many museums, art galleries, and other cultural institutions have reduced (if not free) admission for college students to take advantage of! Some colleges are lucky enough to have a museum on campus, so check one out.

Attend a poetry slam

If you’re dating the angsty artist type, then this is a date that he or she will most definitely appreciate! And even if you two aren't exactly Shakespeare’s biggest fans, these modern day poets who take the stage often take urban themes and translate them into exaggerated, funn, and heartfelt performances – so it’s definitely not the snoozefest that your Intro to Poetry class might be! Most likely, one of your favorite local cafes or bookstores will be hosting a poetry slam.

Get a massage together

Stressing over that upcoming midterm? Chances are, your S.O. is stressing about something too (welcome to college!). So why not propose that the two of you unwind with a good massage? Check out health services on your campus to see if they offer massages – some offer them to students and faculty at a much cheaper price than you would find at a spa. If not, look for Groupons and other deals on massages in the neighborhood.

Spend a snow day

Just because we’re responsible, grown-up collegiettes doesn’t mean that we can’t act like little kids every once in a while and what better way to do that than to drag your Valentine’s Day date outdoors for some wintry fun? Did someone say, “classes are cancelled”? Well no, not exactly (V-Day is on a Saturday, anyway!). But you can still spend the day sledding, building snowmen and making snow angels. And if a snow ball fight should happen to ensure and you “just happen” to fall on top of each other… well, you can thank us later.

What to Get Your Guy for V-Day, No Matter How Long You’ve Dated

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That special day always comes up quickly after the holidays, and you may be stressing about what to get your man. If he’s a fresh love interest, what kind of Valentine’s Day present should you steer clear of so you don’t do too much too soon? But how do you make sure you don’t play it too safe and end up appearing uncaring and indifferent toward the relationship? You’re frantically trying to figure out what you’re apparently expected to already know, and you’re on the verge of a pink-and-red-themed meltdown.

Don’t sweat it; we have all the answers right here for you.

If you’ve been official for…

…One week: Make him a DIY box of candy

You can’t go wrong with a small box of candy. It shows that you care, but you’re not overbearing. If you don’t want go for the typical candy hearts, buy your own candy mix (be sure to ask him what his favorite type of candy is in advance) and place them in a small, heart-shaped box or a plastic bag with a red ribbon tie. It’s best to keep it simple for a new relationship.

Cute note to top it off: “Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope this makes your day a little sweeter. :)” 

…One month: Get him a coffee mug full of sweet treats

Think of it as the first gift, but a little more elaborate. Get him a coffee mug with a college logo on it (either the one he attends or his favorite college sports team’s logo) and fill it with all of the sweets he loves. If he doesn’t drink coffee or tea, that’s okay; put a couple of packets of hot chocolate in there and a small bag of marshmallows. The mug and sweets make an adorable gift but are far from overkill.

Cute card to top it off: Make a homemade V-Day card for him, and include quirky and cute cartoon drawings. On the inside, write, “Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s been a month and I still think you’re awesome. ;) Can’t wait to see what else is in store for us!”

…Six months: Get him a picture frame and chocolates

A personalized picture frame is perfect for the six-month mark, because it’s sweet but doesn’t go overboard. The pic above is an example from PersonalizationMall.com, an website that specializes in personalized gifts. Click “Frames & Canvas Prints” under the Valentine’s Day tab to find some cute frames. He’ll love the thoughtful present! Grab a box of chocolates to go with your picture frame and you’ll be golden.

Sweet card to top it off: After six months, it’s okay to go gooey. Get a romantic card and write something personal and sentimental inside. If you’re worried about him melting into a pile of V-Day-induced slop, include an inside joke to get him laughing.

…One year and beyond: Make him a scrapbook, a homemade CD and his favorite dinner

It’s been a year, so now you can really amp up the mushiness. This is the total package: First, create a scrapbook that consists of your favorite memories from the past year. Then, make a CD of both of your favorite songs (and FYI, they don’t all have to be like the Titanic theme song; include tunes you’ve belted out in the car together or danced awkwardly to). Lastly, cook him his favorite dinner—after all, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (true fact). If you need recipe ideas, check out how to cook a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner. If he’s stuck with you for a year or more, going the extra mile on V-Day is so worth the effort.

Romantic card to top it off: You can go all out here. Buy a pretty, romantic card, and on the inside, describe how much the past year with him has meant to you. Try not to stain it with your sappy tears.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be stressful! Oh, and don’t forget to add a little splash of you to his gift—after all, it’s you he fell for in the first place. 

7 Ways to Treat Yourself on Valentine’s Day

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Being single on Valentine’s Day can be pretty liberating! Just think: You don’t have to coordinate new plans with someone who forgot to make dinner reservations or tell your date that the flowers he or she bought you actually make you sneeze like crazy. Spend the holiday giving love to the most important person in your life: you. Here are seven ways to celebrate yourself this Valentine’s Day.

1. Make yourself breakfast in bed

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so take care of yourself first and foremost by having a hot meal ready and waiting for you when you wake up this Valentine’s Day!

How is it possible to give yourself breakfast in bed without getting out of bed to make it first? With a Crock-Pot, of course! These appliances are an amazing invention that makes cooking ridiculously simple. Your food cooks slowly while you go to class, study or even sleep.

The night before Valentine’s Day, throw the ingredients for your fave morning meal into a Crock-Pot and let it cook slowly overnight. When you wake up, your food will be warm and ready to eat!

2. Spend the day with your celebrity crush

Ever wondered what it would be like to spend Valentine’s Day staring into Brad Pitt’s eyes? Let this be the year you find out!

Kristen Wade, a senior at Duke University, says that watching her favorite shows and movies is one of her favorite ways to celebrate the holiday. “Usually on Valentine’s Day, I spend the day spoiling myself with a Netflix binge and some of my favorite chocolate,” she says.

Make a list of everything your favorite celeb has ever appeared in and spend the day watching his or her brilliance play out across the screen. Whether you’re re-watching all four seasons of Teen Wolf (because Dylan O’Brien is your spazz-tastic soulmate) or discovering those indie flicks that J-Law first appeared in, your heart is sure to fill with love as you watch your favorite actors and actresses with no interruptions.

3. Soak in a bubble bath

Today’s fast-paced world leaves little time to just sit back and relax, and, to be honest, you’re probably long overdue for a luxurious bubble bath.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to remedy this situation. While showers are super convenient, nothing beats soaking in a hot bath for an hour or two. This fragrant pink bath bomb ($4.95 at LUSH Fresh Handmade Cosmetics) will fill your tub with tiny hearts and cute flowers, turning the water a soft shade of pink (perfect for the holiday!).

Light up the space with a few heart-shaped tea light candles ($6.95 at Crate & Barrel), or choose your favorite scent from Pacifica’s collection of three-ounce soy candles ($6 at Pacifica) to add a touch of fragrance to the air. Take your favorite book with you to get lost in, or just close your eyes and let the water soothe you.

If you live in the dorms and don’t have access to a bathtub, you can still give yourself a relaxing spa day. Focus on your hair, skin and nails – things that can be easily rinsed in the shower. There are easy treatments you can do yourself using ingredients that can be found at your campus store. After a face mask, deep conditioning treatment and relaxing mani/pedi, you’re sure to feel more refreshed than ever this Valentine’s Day!

4. Take yourself on a shopping spree

If there’s something you’ve been eyeing but holding out on for some reason, give it to yourself as a Valentine’s Day present!

Aja Frost, a junior at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, is thinking of treating herself this year. “I’m planning on splurging on nice lingerie!” she says. “Usually I can’t justify shopping for underwear anywhere but the usual places, but this V-day I’m going to treat myself to a really nice underwear set and robe.”

Even if you’ve ben cutting back on frivolous purchases, we all need a little gift to ourselves every now and then. Treat yourself to something you’ve been wanting for a while. Maybe it’s time to splurge on a new handbag or find the perfect accessory to go with that cashmere sweater you got for Christmas.

5. Write yourself a love letter

While you may not have sent or received a love letter since high school, that doesn’t mean this time-honored tradition should fall by the wayside. Why not write one to yourself?

Write a letter that says everything you love about yourself. Maybe it’s your ability to always get those papers turned in at the last minute or how you’re always there for a friend in need. Write about things you’ve done that you’re proud of and the things you hope to accomplish in the future. You can read this letter again later when you need a reminder that you love and support yourself.

If long-form handwriting isn’t your thing, keep the message short and sweet. You can write things you love about yourself on slips of paper and place them in a Mason jar. Use these to brighten your day whenever you’re feeling bummed. Writing them on Valentine’s Day, when they’re coming from a place of love, will make these little notes seem that much more special when you read them later.

6. Take yourself on a date

This is the ultimate solo Valentine’s Day pursuit – taking yourself out on a date!

You don’t need the company of someone else to enjoy a night out on the town. Get dressed to the nines in whatever stylish ensemble makes you feel the most confident.

Head out to your favorite restaurant and order your signature dish, knowing that no one else is going to be stealing any food from your plate. And you don’t have to worry about sharing dessert, either! Savor that triple chocolate cake all by yourself.

Afterwards, do an activity that you love. Take yourself to see that new French film that got rave reviews. Or go for a solo walk in the park while listening to your favorite music.

7. Indulge in sweets

If you have a sweet tooth, now’s the perfect time to give in to it!

Try your hand at one of these heart-shaped treats, or bake some delicious Valentine’s Day cookies (and maybe share a few with your single gal pals). Eat a whole bar of dark chocolate, and don’t even think about passing up dessert if you find yourself out on the town – that tiramisu is calling your name, and your name only. You have an obligation to fulfill yourself. This day only comes once a year!

February 14 might be the day of love, but that shouldn’t stop us single ladies from participating! Besides, the longest relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. So show some self-love by celebrating yourself this Valentine’s Day!

10 Things NOT To Do On A Valentine's Day Date

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Long before it was immortalized as a sub-par romantic comedy, Valentine’s Day has been infamous for anxiety. There’s nothing like an evening of high expectations and commercialized intimacy to make us wish February 14th was just the day in 1912 when Arizona was admitted as the 48th state (look it up). But there’s no escaping the rose petals, romantic greeting cards and spike in chocolate sales—so here’s how to make it through. For your own sake, please don’t…

1. Bring a Friend

double dating double hook up two girls one guy cheating

No matter how much you want your crush to meet Amanda or hit it off with Lauren, leave the crew at home. “But they’re so fun!” Nope. They’re probably not. Even a double date is two too many. Sorry, but regardless of whether the thought of spending an extended amount of time alone with your date is a huge relief or provokes a nervous rash, this one is all you.

2. Reference Next Year’s Valentine’s Day

Nothing says, “I just went from having a good time to having premature anticipatory anxiety about the longevity of our relationship” like referencing a date that’s a year away. If an event is too far in advance to ask a friend what you should wear to it, you shouldn’t bring it up on V-Day.

3. Buy Him a Car

nice car

When a present escalates from a kind gesture to an uncomfortably outlandish statement of extravagance, everyone feels ill at ease.  Especially the salesperson he’s about to hunt down for convincing him that a teddy bear makes a perfectly fine gift.

4. Forget to Shave Your Legs

This is a common courtesy. I hope no explanation is necessary.

5. Make Elaborate, Inflexible Plans

Valentine’s Day is the New Year’s Eve of romance: it’s a night you wait all year for which, inevitably, leads to disappointment when things don’t go exactly as you dreamed (or scheduled meticulously in the shower). Don’t plan a night that will crash and burn if you’re fifteen minutes late to dinner or get a little bit lost on the way to the romantic view you’ve been scouting for sunset. Because if my own life is any indication, things will not go exactly as planned.

6. Pre-Game Dinnerbeer mug

No matter how nervous you are, don’t take a shot to loosen up. No matter how convincingly a friend urges you to grab a cocktail before the date, just say no. No matter how exciting the party down the hall sounds, don’t indulge in a pre-dinner drink (or three). Oh, and don’t overdo it on the wine at the restaurant, either.  

7. Ask for Extra Garlic on Your Mashed Potatoes

Garlic is a flavor much better enjoyed the first time around.  No need to order plain toast or pasta with olive oil, hold the Parmesan, but take it easy on the garlic butter prawns.

8. Cry

Of laughter, of sadness, of frustration, of anger, of happiness, of surprise or of joy.  Please… just don’t cry.

9. Suggest a Bad Movie

What’s that you say, you’re no longer attracted to me after seeing the 7:30 showing of Paddington or Jupiter Ascending? Don’t out yourself as a bad date by turning a romantic evening into an evening of The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.

10. Talk About The Past

You can reference the distant past (“Hey, speaking of Abraham Lincoln…” or “Remember when Pokemon cards were cool?”) but steer clear of all not-so-distant history, like exes and, specifically, last year’s Valentine’s Day. That is, unless you’re lucky enough to be sitting with the same guy.


36 Reasons to Celebrate Being Single on Valentine’s Day

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This time of year, it seems that love is in the air... just not the air that you’re breathing. Before you go hunting for whatever love potion your peers seem to have gotten their hands on this Valentine’s Day, take a moment to stop, reflect and relish the fact that you won’t be spending your afternoon cutting out paper hearts (hello, carpal tunnel) or worrying about lipstick smudges (because nothing says, “Kiss me” like rouge-stained teeth, right?). Not convinced that you’re better off? These reasons to celebrate the single life on V-Day just might change your mind:

1. You don’t have to worry about braving that blizzard to go shopping for a special V-Day date outfit.

2. The aforementioned V-Day date outfit would likely cost as much as a few days’ worth of food, and you’re on a college budget. Plus, you’re hungry.

3. You’ll convince yourself in the dressing room that you’ll wear said V-Day date outfit more than once, but let’s be real: Where are you going to wear that sparkly red cocktail dress? Class? What is this, Pretty Little Liars?

4. Ryan Gosling has been in over 20 movies and you want to watch them all, which takes time, undivided attention and a large, tree house-style “No Boys Allowed” sign posted on your door to repel the non-believers.

5. Those heart-shaped candy boxes never hold as much chocolate as they seem to in the store, and you hate that awkward moment when you realize that there just aren’t enough to share. Not enough good ones, at least, which is basically the same thing.

6. Because you aren’t a sharer, period.

7. You can buy yourself roses at the florist and they won’t be any less special than that bouquet your roommate’s boyfriend bought her. It’s not like he picked them himself...

8. Pink just isn’t your color and, therefore, Valentine’s Day just isn’t your holiday.

9. Your best friend is panicking about what kind of present she should buy for her hook-up buddy, and you rejoice at the fact that you aren’t in her shoes. She doesn’t even know if she’s in a relationship, let alone if her boy-toy likes crewnecks.

10. Unfortunately, your best friend is wrong: her boy-toy doesn’t like crewnecks.

11. Taylor Swift's “Blank Space” is a freaking anthem. Sing it loud and proud.

12. You’re still exhausted from your last relationship and you just want to do you.

13. You missed last week’s episode of Girls and you finally have some time to yourself to watch it, or more accurately, some time to audibly point out all of the ideas that Lena Dunham stole from your own personal life (without anyone questioning your choices).

14. It’s a fine day for a fro-yo and a shopping spree. #treatyourself

15. The movie Valentine’s Day exists and was designed to make awkward V-Day alone time not awkward.

16. While watching Valentine’s Day, you get to enjoy your favorite flavors of man candy: Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Jamie Foxx, Patrick Dempsey, Topher Grace, Taylor Lautner and Ashton Kutcher.

17. Plus, that guy who plays Emma Roberts’s boyfriend who will probably be hot one day.

18. You also happen to have girl-crushes on Emma Roberts, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba, Queen Latifah, Taylor Swift, Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Garner, to name a few.

19. You have the freedom to watch the Taylor Swift/Taylor Lautner scenes on repeat in the hopes of pinpointing the moment they fell in love (others aren’t quite so jazzed by the idea). You still believe they belong together, TBH.

20. Valentine’s Day is infinitely better than New Year’s Eve, so this will be a vast improvement on your last movie night. Seriously, what were they thinking?

21. You still have blisters on your feet from those fabulous heels you wore last weekend (ahem, last night), and instead of wedging your toes into yet another death trap, you fully intend to give them some TLC by staying in and snuggling them up in some slippers.

22. Your friend is giving her boyfriend a well thought-out mix tape and he isn’t giving her anything. “Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day?” you hear him say. “Oh, we’re at the gift-giving stage?” you hear him say. Facepalm.

23. You got 99 problems, but a frat bro ain’t one.

24. You have your eyes on that guy from sociology, and rumor has it he’s recently single.

25. You spotted said guy from sociology hanging out in the Student Union (since he also doesn’t have Valentine’s Day plans) and you’re already halfway through plotting your “chance encounter,” complete with flawless hair flip. It’s only stalking if you followed him there, right?

26. You’re certain that one day, Rob Reiner will use this “chance encounter” as the meet cute when he makes a blockbuster about your epic romance. You’re hoping this will lead to Twilight-franchise-style action figures.

27. “I hate chocolate,” said no one ever. Except your ex, last Valentine’s Day. #freeatlast

28. You know who else is celebrating the single life this V-Day? Taylor Swift. You’re no less lucky in love than even the most successful of women.

29. Your parents will be overjoyed when you tell them that you finally have free time to Skype them since your friends are out on dates. Suddenly you’ve regained your rightful status as the favorite child.

30. When you first turn on Skype and your dad barely recognizes you, you realize you probably should have done this weeks ago.

31. When you think back to Valentine’s Days past – several of which featured red- and pink-colored braces – you remember how lucky you are to be a beautiful collegiette with an entire campus full of single undergrads at your disposal. And more importantly, that you no longer have braces.

32. Because “serial dater” isn’t nearly so awful as “serial killer,” but you still don’t like the sound of it... especially when it’s used to describe you. Time for a break?

33. You aren’t a fan of heart-shaped goodies. It’s a cookie. It should be shaped like one.

34. The V-Day party will be filled with other singles, and you’re like a kid in a candy store.

35. You’re reading Romeo and Juliet in your Shakespeare class and that stuff is straight up depressing. You’re not really in the mood to be a star-crossed lover anytime soon. Please and thank you.

36. Because you aren’t the only single one out there. You just happen to be the best. Expect boys to be beating down your door by sundown.

 

Remember, Valentine’s Day isn’t just for the sweethearts of the world (though it’s probably nice for them, too). So put on “Single Ladies,” turn up your speaker, and get your celebratory, single-gal V-Day started right.

Real Live College Guy: How Do I Ask Out a Guy I Barely Know?

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We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I really like a guy whom I don't know well. I know that he knows who I am, but we have rarely talked or been able to hang out one-on-one. I get too nervous to talk to him or ask him to hang out or basically do anything, which I know is preventing me from finding out if I have a chance. If a guy is "out of your league," is there any harm in at least trying to talk to him? I don't know how to make a move, since I don't want to be rejected. What can I do? –Lovestruck at La Salle

Lovestruck,

I know exactly what you mean. You see someone across the room and you can’t keep yourself from turning your head to look at him or her every few minutes, but you can’t quite muster up the strength to walk over and talk to that person. You know you should, but you just can’t. I mean, what if that person’s over there with someone else? What if all you get is a dirty look? Worse, what if all you get is a “no”?

And then you hear that line from everyone. You know the line; we’ve all heard it… “What’s the worst that could happen?”

To quote my good friend Chandler Bing, “The worst that could happen? I could die.

So, what do we do about it? How do we solve this problem?

First, rid yourself of the idea that “no” is going to kill you. Remove yourself of the concept that your life is going to be ruined if someone turns you down. Would it be momentarily painful? Yes, no doubt. Would it be embarrassing? Most definitely, but you can prepare yourself for that.

Second, toss out the whole “out of your league” thing and give yourself more credit. What makes him out of your league? His looks? Those don’t last. His humor? Could be a defense mechanism! The idea of a league existing is elementary. There’s no hierarchy. The world isn’t split up into divisions, you know—this isn’t dating football.

Finally, understand that nerves make us human. It’s totally normal to be nervous about asking someone out, just because of the potential consequences (dates, relationships, sex, breakups, so on and so forth), but you shouldn’t focus on all that. Focus on the now. Focus on walking up to this regular human being who’s definitely within your league, and focus on asking him out for coffee, for lunch, for dinner, for whatever.

You want to take the initiative to ask him out first, and that’s admirable. The power is in your hands. The next time you see him, make your way over and start a conversation. Put the whole “asking him out” thing out of your mind for that moment, and focus on talking to him like a human being instead of this untouchable object. Then, only after you’ve made your connection with him and evened the playing field, you ask him out. 

What’s the worst that could happen? He says no and some dude misses a chance at going out with an amazing girl. Bummer for him.

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Valentine’s Day Poems: 11 Love Poems to Make Your Day

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Love is in the air, collegiettes!  Whether you’re being taken on a super romantic Valentine’s Day date or you’re single this year, you have to admit—isn’t there just something about Valentine’s Day that gives you a bunch of warm fuzzies inside?  Okay, so not everybody is a fan of candy hearts, teddy bears or ostentatious shows of affection, but let’s get back to the real meaning behind V-Day: pure, heartfelt romance.  We put together a list of our favorite love poems to get you in the Valentine’s spirit.  (And if your SO isn’t the most expressive with his or her feelings, why not “accidentally” leave this page open on your browser… it may give him or her a few ideas!)

Of course, no list of love poems would be complete without good ole Billy Shakespeare, so here are a few of his classic sonnets.

Sonnet 18
By William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Sonnet 29
By William Shakespeare

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Sonnet 116
By William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
  If this be error and upon me proved,
  I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Though Pablo Neruda’s poetry can have a somewhat darker tone than other love poetry, you can’t deny his deep sense of romance and heart-fluttering turns of phrase.

If You Forget Me
By Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I do not love you...
By Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

In 1812, Ludwig van Beethoven wrote a series of letters to a mysterious person he called “Unsterbliche Geliebte,” or, “Immortal Beloved.”  While it is a letter, its lyricism, particularly in the final lines, make it almost like poetry. You’ll be just as charmed as Carrie Bradshaw in the Sex and the City movie after reading his romantic words!

The Third Letter, from the Immortal Beloved Letters
By Ludwig van Beethoven

Good morning, on July 7

      Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine

ever mine

ever ours

E. E. Cummings’ bizarre punctuation may have driven you crazy in English class, but if any guy wrote such romantic words to us, we’d probably be crazy in love.

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
By e. e. cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

While Lord Byron may have been a bit of a player, we can still appreciate his romantic, beautiful description of a woman he became entranced with.

She Walks in Beauty
By Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

Nothing says Valentine’s Day quite like red roses, but a poem comparing love to one is even better!

A Red, Red Rose
By Robert Burns

O my Luve's like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June;
O my Luve's like the melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I:
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry:

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun:
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee well, my only Luve
And fare thee well, a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile.

Of course, we couldn’t forget this classic by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (girl power!), written for the man who would become her husband, Robert Browning.  Yes, the girl can make the first move in a relationship!

Sonnet 43 from Sonnets from the Portugese
By Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Have you ever felt so in love that nobody else’s relationship could possibly compare with what you have?  Yeats felt the same way about his love way back when!

The Ragged Wood
By William Butler Yeats

O, hurry, where by water, among the trees,
The delicate-stepping stag and his lady sigh,
When they have looked upon their images
Would none had ever loved but you and I!

Or have you heard that sliding silver-shoed
Pale silver-proud queen-woman of the sky,
When the sun looked out of his golden hood?
O, that none ever loved but you and I!

O hurry to the ragged wood, for there
I will drive all those lovers out and cry
O, my share of the world, O, yellow hair!
No one has ever loved but you and I. 

Real Live College Guy Andy: What Do I Do On Valentine’s Day When We're Not Official?

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Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the "boys will be boys" conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.

I started seeing this guy when we got back from winter break and we've been hooking up and going on casual dates, but we haven't had a DTR talk yet to discuss what we are. It seems like are official but we haven't officially had a talk, and I have no idea if he considers me his girlfriend or not. How should I approach V-Day? Should I get him something? If so, what's an appropriate gift to get him since he's not really my boyfriend yet? And should I bring up doing something on V-Day, or wait for him to, or what? - Ambiguous at St. Ambrose

Ambiguous,

We've all been in your situation where you have someone you feel exclusive with but have yet to officially DTR. In your specific case, the worst thing you can do is overreact and fret about it. So why fret? Either it goes poorly and you laugh about it down the line or it goes well and you end up with this guy long-term and look back at the awkward date fondly.

With that said, in your situation, the guy should have the cojones to bring up V-Day plans. Waiting for him to bring it up will allow you to tell where things stand.  If the holiday passes without him mentioning anything of it (and subsequently no date with you on that day), then he clearly doesn't have the same emotional attachment to the relationship that you have. And if that ends up the case, then you can either move on or express your anger and hope he comes up with a brilliant apology. So don't even mention in it, just wait for him to notice (or not notice).

Now, you might be thinking what would happen if you bring up Valentine's Day plans with the guy. Personally, you don't find out as much in that situation. If he agrees, he may do so just begrudgingly since you brought it up and he doesn't want to upset you. Or if he says he's busy, that will just leave you confused.

As for the gift-giving portion of your question, (if it wasn't obvious from what I've said above) do not buy him anything. Even if he brings up plans, don't get him anything. If he gets you something, act surprised and do something nice for him in return. I'm pretty confident that will be enough to reciprocate in his eyes. On the flip side, I imagine it would be pretty uncomfortable if you got something for him and he didn't get you anything in return. If you have to question whether or not to get something, the safe choice is to simply not.

Valentine's Day is the cause of more stress than it deserves. It can be an opportunity for a very romantic date but you shouldn't let it preoccupy your mind. Maybe he has a surprise planned for you on that day and doesn't want to talk about it just to tease you. Guys can get weird ideas like that sometimes. We're certainly not perfect. Most of us aren't as suave as Lucas Scott on One Tree Hill. And even Lucas had some relationship brain farts from time to time.

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4 Steps to Resolving a Fight With Your SO

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From trivial matters like leaving the toilet seat up at your apartment to bigger issues like flirting with other people at parties, quarreling with your other half is inevitable. When emotions run high, things can take a turn for the worse and build up to the question of if you should just let go of the relationship. But not all conflict has to be destructive –there’s actually a productive way work to through it! We spoke with Heidi Nguyen, a marriage and family therapist, to understand the steps you need to follow to resolve a conflict with your SO — without having to shout or have your mascara run down your face.

Step 1: Consider the timing

First, you have to decide if the issue is worth confronting at all. In relationships, you often have to pick your battles.

Nguyen says to ask yourself, “Is it more important to have [this] relationship, or is it more important to be right?” If you think there’s a possibility of a loving, fulfilling relationship, and you want that, then make the choice to resolve the conflict.

Before you communicate your concerns to your SO, consider your mood and the atmosphere you and your SO are in. “Don’t wait until you are really fed up with the situation and about to explode,” Nguyen says. Bring it up in a calm, private conversation. If you’re at a party with a bunch of your friends and your SO, that’s not the best time to bring it up. Instead, try broaching the subject during a one-on-one dinner or on a walk.

Step 2: Keep your emotions in check

Nguyen says the first thing to do at the sign of a fight is calm down. “Take a time-out, take a deep breath – something to keep your emotions in check,” she says. Our natural tendency is to scream, attack and defend our own position, but if you want to productively resolve a conflict, you must take a step back and refrain from letting your emotions cloud your perception of the situation.

When you feel anxiety, anger or frustration taking over, Nguyen does not suggest walking away. “Walking away and not saying anything will lead the other person feeling rejected,” she says. “[Tell your SO] you just need time to calm down.” If tensions are too high and you walk away, give your SO the heads up and tell them you need to clear your head before you continue the conversation – be specific about how much time you’ll need.

Step 3: Emphasize your needs and view the conflict objectively

Once you’ve calmed down, Nguyen says to consider your SO’s point of view while also owning your needs. “Rationally think about the goal, then approach communication in a way that’s consistent with that goal,” she says.

Let’s say your goal is to have a more romantic relationship. It’s your birthday, and you’re waiting for your other half to arrive at the restaurant where you two will have a celebratory dinner. He shows up empty-handed, and you’re extremely hurt that he didn’t bring a birthday gift for you.

Though you’re internally upset, Nguyen says the best thing to do is take a deep breath and greet him how you normally would. Don’t let your anger influence you to cancel the date and storm off – that would mean you’re acting solely on emotions, which will hinder productive resolution.

After you’ve calmed down, casually bring up the fact that he didn’t meet your romantic needs. From there, Nguyen stresses that “your goal is to inquire – not tear him down, attack him or belittle him – whether he wants to work on being more romantic so that you can have a fulfilling relationship.”

It could be that you were raised to believe that sentimental gifts display love, or that in all your past relationships, that was your way of feeling loved. Whatever the reasoning behind your need is, express it to your SO. You could say, “I would’ve felt so loved and cared for if I got flowers from you on my birthday.” Use statements that begin with “I” such as, “I feel like...” or, “I think that...” That way, your SO will have an opportunity to respond or agree with your feelings. Chances are, Nguyen says, he will respond positively to your honesty.

Step 4: Find common ground

“With communication, the goal is to either accommodate him or for him to accommodate your needs. If that isn’t working out and [you] both get emotionally charged up again, then the goal is to agree to disagree,” Nguyen says.

Nguyen says that being able to agree to disagree depends on the situation. “If it’s a belief, like religion—he’s Catholic and you’re Buddhist—you can agree to disagree,” she says. “But if the situation is personally affecting the relationship, like there’s another girl involved, then [agreeing to disagree] is unrealistic. It would be like living with an elephant in the room.”

Nguyen urges to take into consideration your SO’s concerns, needs and perspectives within the context of the conflict. Find common ground, and then, if possible, compromise.

To sort the compromise, you have to be open and honest, but most importantly, you have to communicate. “Don’t interrupt; let each other talk, listen for the other’s perspective,” Nguyen says. “Then, wait until the person finishes to respond. Even go as far as to reflect back [what they said].” By repeating your SO’s words to him or her, you’re sending a signal that he or she is being heard, and it gives your partner a chance to repeat him or herself in case your interpretation of what he or she said isn’t accurate.

“If we put thought into what the goal is, there’s a way we can get it,” Nguyen says. “But if your emotions get in the way and you’re not mindful of the goal, [the result] usually comes out destructively.”

Nguyen believes that it’s not a confrontation so much as it is a discussion or a communication: bringing a conflict to attention so that it can be resolved.

Knowing how to handle a conflict with your SO can tremendously benefit your relationship. Don’t forget, collegiettes: Conflict doesn’t have to be confrontational! And, most importantly, don’t let your emotions take control of the situation. Breathe in, breathe out and work it out!

8 Creative Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Guy

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As it gets closer to Valentine’s Day, your class notes are starting to look more and more like a brainstorm of potential gifts that you can get your Valentine for that special day. You want to be romantic and thoughtful but not too cliché. Stuck? Here are some creative Valentine’s Day gifts that are even sweeter than the box of chocolates he’s probably going to get you.

1. Let him be a model for the day

If your guy loves the camera, Valentine’s day is the perfect excuse to hire a professional photographer to shoot couples photos.

Can’t afford a professional? Ask around your campus, or look on Craigslist, to see if there are any student photographers who are willing to do it for free or at a discounted price. Ask to see portfolios—you’ll be amazed at how talented some amateur photographers can be.

Make it a fun day, posing at places that hold special memories of your relationship (in his car where you had your first kiss, or the park where you had a picnic for your birthday). It can be as romantic, serious or silly as you want. You can even recreate iconic photos of famous couples, such as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Bonnie and Clyde on the run, John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s nonviolent protest, or Kate Middleton and Prince William’s wedding, to name a few.

2. Get cartoonified

If you like the idea of couples pictures but want something different, how about a caricature of you and your guy? It will be cute to see the two of you in cartoon form. You don’t even have to be present while it is being drawn, just provide the artist with a photo of the two of you (you might have to send more than one) so that he or she can work on it ahead of time.

Search to see if there are any caricature artists in your area. If there aren’t any, many artists are willing to take orders from across the country and even internationally, so check their websites

3. Put together a special presentation

Tell him how much he means to you in the form of an online presentation (kind of like an online scrapbook). It can include videos (either of the two of you together, or of you speaking to directly him), pictures of good times, your song and special messages filled with memories. When you’ve put it all together, sit him down and present it to him. You can also do this in PowerPoint form or on Prezi.

If you have more time to spend, you can do it in the form of a website. When presenting it to him, simply drop the link on his Facebook wall if you want to make it public, or send it to him privately.

4. Take him on a trip (without actually going anywhere)

His dream vacation might be expensive and far away, so why not bring his desired destination to him? Get creative! If he wants to visit France, set your room up like a little Parisian café and create menus in French! If he’s pining for a day in Puerto Vallarta sun, serve some Mexican food and decorate the place like a Mexican resort. If he wants to stroll through Rome, have some Italian music playing in the background before you pop in a Rome-centric movie (“To Rome With Love,” anyone?). It might not be the real thing, but he’ll appreciate the thought and effort. Plus, there’s nowhere your imagination can’t take you.

5. Arrange a personal scavenger hunt

Send him running around campus or (if you want to make it grander) all over the city! The first clue should lead him to a location, which will have a task and a clue that will lead him to another place with a task and a clue (and so on) until he reaches the final destination. Make the destinations places where you shared good memories, or places that you’ve talked about.

Be as creative as you want with the clues. If your guy likes to solve riddles, spend some time coming up with tricky hints that will get him thinking. If he’s more of a visual person, take a photo of the destination, edit it so that it is blurred or distorted in some way, and send it to his phone. 

Ask him to do things that are specific to your relationship. For example, if you met at a school football game, get him to take a photo with one of the players; or if you had a fun date at the local sushi place, get him to bring back a pair of chopsticks from the restaurant. The more personal the tasks, the more fun it will be!

6. Give him a massage

If you’re both up for a quiet night in, he’ll definitely appreciate a nice back rub. Dim the lights, light some candles, put on some relaxing music and put those fingers to work! If you don’t know how to give a massage, thankfully, there’s the “For Dummies” guide. If you want, you can even purchase some nice massage oils from places like The Body Shop to enhance the experience.

And of course, when you’re done, don’t be afraid to ask for one in return!

7. Create a personalized word puzzle

Does he like to solve puzzles? Make him a word puzzle! The Discovery Education site has a free puzzlemaker where you can create word searches, crosswords, letter tiles, cryptograms and more.

If you’re making a crossword, make the clues and answers specific to your relationship:

  • “Where were we when we first met?”
  • “I got this for you for your birthday last year.”
  • “What is my favourite feature of yours?”
  • “Which movie did we see three times in theatres?”

8. Make him Valentine’s fortune cookies

Valentine’s fortune cookies (recipe here) can come with your own predictions of your future together (such as: “I see many days of happiness together”), or just insert sweet messages (“Be my Valentine?”). You can even put coupons inside that he can redeem for future dates (“One night we can watch the movie of your choice,” or “A meal at your favorite restaurant, on me.”). There are no rules for the Valentine’s fortune cookie, so do whatever your heart (and whatever you think his heart) desires.

Anti-Valentine’s Day: 5 Ways To Not Celebrate February 14

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So you’re single this year and you can’t seem to avoid the sickeningly sweet couples, no matter where you go. If you’re hoping to avoid the surge of PDA during Valentine’s Day and you don’t know what to do, fear not! You don’t have to mope around your room, doing homework if you don’t have a date. Instead of sulking alone and weeping into your pillow, throw a party for you and your single girlfriends and get your Anti-Valentine’s Day on!

1. Break out the anti-romance tunes to belt at the top of your lungs (& make a music video!)

It’s time to make a playlist of the best anti-love anthems on your iTunes. What’s better than sing-shouting “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together!” with your girlfriends? If you’re willing to take it one step further, why not direct and star in your own music video featuring one of the songs? Here’s a list of some songs that you can get creative with:

  • “How To Be A Heartbreaker” by Marina and The Diamonds
  • “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift
  • “So What” by Pink
  • “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye
  • “Me Myself and I” by Beyonce
  • “Lips Are Movin” by Meghan Trainor
  • “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson
  • “Gives You Hell” by All American Rejects
  • “So Yesterday” by Hilary Duff
  • “Part of Me” by Katy Perry
  • “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift
  • “Don’t Call Me Baby” by Kreesha Turner
  • “Knock Em Out” by Lily Allen
  • “Stronger” by Britney Spears
  • “Black Widow” by Iggy Azalea
  • “7 Things” by Miley Cyrus
  • “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera
  • “Forget You” by Cee Lo Green

2. Spam your Facebook page with anti-love quote statuses and anti-love memes

While everyone is posting lovey-dovey statuses about unconditional, never-ending love, and Instagramming cutesy couples pictures or photos of their fancy dinners, bouquets of roses and expensive chocolates, why not counter those posts with some Anti-Valentine’s day equivalents? 

That’s right, bring out the anti-love quotes for your statuses. A quick Google search can lead to a trove of bitter-yet-funny quotes that you can post to your liking:

  • “Love hurts but so does getting hit by a car. I’d rather go with the car.” - Anonymous
  • “I think I’ll go anti-love. Really. Who wants butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping beats? That can’t be safe.” - Anonymous
  • “They say love is in the air, so I hold my breath until my face turn purple.” - Lil Wayne (“HYFR”)
  • “If you think you’re in love, run your head into a brick wall. It’ll hurt a lot less in the end.” - Anonymous
  • “I got your love letters, corrected the grammar, and sent them back. It’s true. Romance is dead.” - Fall Out Boy (“The Music Or The Misery”)

If that’s not enough, find some anti-love memes to sprinkle a little Anti-Valentine’s spirit onto your friends’ timelines:

One night stand, that’s all the storage space I’ll need.”

“I’m going to spend Valentine’s Day...with my Xbox 360.”

3. Create and destroy a heart-shaped piñata

It’s time to get crafty. Fill it up with whatever you like (candy and chocolate never hurt, as long as they're not Valentine’s products!), or fill it up with nothing at all. You have to take out that aggression somehow; why not with a good old-fashioned beating? After all, hearts were made to be broken.

4. Punch up a storm

Speaking of aggression, why not kick and punch it away? Instead of laying in bed, being haunted by the ghosts of Valentine’s past, get on your feet and get moving! While your loved-up friends are out eating fancy dinners and indulging in chocolates, why not work up a sweat and burn some calories? There are some good kickboxing workout videos worth checking out on YouTube.

5. Grade your exes

You’re used to being evaluated but for this special night, you’re the one that will be doing the evaluating! Get your girls together and (not only complain about your exes but) grade your exes! Did he put his friends before you? Did he have any bad habits that annoyed you?

Go on then, start writing that on his report card!

Here are some subject/category suggestions:

  • Looks
  • Personality
  • Creativity
  • Intelligence
  • Humor
  • Extra comments

Once you’re done, share the results with your friends and see if they agree. After all, what’s the point of a get-together if you can’t trash your exes?

 

How are you planning to spend Anti-Valentine’s day?


The Best & Worst Valentine's Day Dates College Girls Have Had

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Depending on the circumstances, Valentine’s Day can have mixed results.  Sometimes, it means a day devoted to romance between you and your sweetheart.  Other times, a collegiette can be left wondering if Cupid’s arrow hit the wrong mark.  Regardless, we all have our ups and downs when it comes to February 14th, and our experiences make for great stories!  Here are some V-Day dates that have had a lasting effect, for better or for worse:

V-Day Victories

couple walking holding hands

“My boyfriend and I have now been together for 4 1/2 years. Last year we decided that for Valentine's Day we were going to take our first road trip somewhere. We decided to spend the weekend in Washington, D.C. We went to a very nice sushi dinner, then went to see the Wizards play the Spurs (Go Spurs Go!) and then took the long way back to the hotel so we could see some of the city. The next day we went sightseeing and went to museums. Maybe it seems nerdy, but it was so fun to be away and be by ourselves. I can definitely say that weekend made us fall even more in love.” – Mel, James Madison University

“For Valentine’s Day about two years ago, my boyfriend and I took this ancient massage class at a local yoga place. We had started seeing each other about a month ago and hadn't officially decided to be exclusive, but it sounded fun and I've always liked yoga. I thought it sounded unique and interesting if nothing else. The class was mostly pairs of married couples or girlfriends enjoying a man-free Valentine’s Day. We were the youngest people there by far.  Seeing a guy try to be flexible is hilarious to say the least. The fact that the class was all about celebrating and appreciating each other without the commercialism was so cool. Not to mention the massage skills you get out of it!” - Allison, University of Utah

“My favorite Valentine’s Day date happened a few years ago.  My boyfriend at the time picked me up and wouldn’t tell me where we were going, which was fun because I love surprises.  We ended up at an ice-skating rink!  Neither of us was expecting the other to know how to ice-skate already, so it was a nice surprise when we were able to focus on our conversation instead of trying not to fall.  We held hands while we skated and talked for a long time.  Afterwards, we got hot cocoa and pizza to warm up.  It was simple and sweet!” – Briana, University of Missouri-Kansas City

Love Letdowns

“Last year on Valentine's Day, my boyfriend and I were both off at college. I wanted to spend it together, so I decided to make the five-hour drive and surprise him at school! We had a great weekend together and I left feeling proud of myself for doing something so nice. The next day (it was the actual day of Valentine's Day), I was on my way to class when I received a phone call from him. Instead of a Happy Valentine's Day, I was shocked to hear that he was breaking up with me! He said he'd met another girl and had planned to wait until after Valentine's Day to tell me. In the end I was the one who ended up with the surprise!”- Courtney, Indiana University

dried dead roses flowers

“I was asked out to see a movie, but when we got there it was sold out. Instead of looking for another movie, he ended the date and decided to get something to eat. He didn’t ask me to join him and then he got on the phone with his mom in front of me, telling her he wasn’t doing anything important.  He then dropped me off at my dorm and told me he had a fraternity party to go to later and to have a good night.  What a loser!”- Ali, Baker University

“My boyfriend of a few months and I had planned a really simple but cute Valentine’s date.  We were going to go to a new sushi restaurant, and then we were going to catch a movie and get some drinks afterwards.  Our meal was really good, and we had a great time at dinner, but about 20 minutes after we left I knew something was wrong.  I felt so nauseous!  I did some deep breathing and tried to divert my attention, but it only got worse as we went into the movie.  Still, I was too embarrassed to say anything to my boyfriend.  Halfway through the movie, it hit me and I got sick in the theater!  It was mortifying, and my Valentine’s Day date came to a very sudden stop.  Thankfully, my boyfriend was nice and we still laugh about it today.” – Claire, Ohio State University

In Between

couple sunset kissing cute

“It was my first date with my high school boyfriend. Sinatra was playing, he had an apron on and he put roses on the table. It appeared that he had made me this gorgeous dinner! It was all so adorable!  He even bought me a box of chocolates. A few months later when we were getting more serious, I told him that I would never lie to him.  He said, ‘I've lied to you before...’ I was like, ‘Geez how many other girls is he dating?’ He then proceeded to inform me that his mom had made the whole Valentine’s dinner and snuck out right before I got there... and to think I had the guts to ruin macaroni and cheese the first time I cooked for him!”- Veronica, Indiana University

“I was excited for Valentine’s Day last year because I had a guy that I was beginning a relationship with.  He told me to plan on going out, so I bought a new dress and tried to make myself look super cute.  When he came to pick me up, I asked him what we were going to do.  We ended up going to his apartment and watching a boxing match with his friends.  It was not romantic to say the least, and I felt so out of place since I had dressed for a date. He paid way more attention to the TV than to me.  After about an hour, I texted my best guy friend to see if he’d come get me.  Long story short, he took me out to a diner after he picked me up, and now we’ve been together for almost a year.” -Emily, University of Illinois

 

Even if your date is heading for disaster, you could be looking back on it and laughing in the years ahead.  And remember, V-Day is just one day of the year!  Don’t let it be the only one with some romance involved. It is always possible to bounce back from bad dates and look forward to better ones in the future - whether they happen on Valentine’s Day or not!

Valentine’s Day Ideas: 10 Creative Things to Do for Valentine's Day

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Valentine’s Day, Singles Awareness Day or, as Liz Lemon would call it, Anna Howard Shaw Day. Whether you anticipate, dread or attempt to ignore February 14th, one truth remains: No matter how sweet this holiday was intended to be, it has the stigma of being completely cheesy.  It’s no wonder that everyone thinks of those same cheap, red chocolate boxes; candlelit dinners; Hallmark cards and tiny fuzzy bears wearing mini T-shirts that read, “I heart you.” But collegiettes, it’s a new year, and this year, February 14 is not going to get cheesy.  Why? Because HC is here to help make it creative.  Here are 10 creative things for you, your SO and all your friends to do on Valentine’s Day.

1. Chocolate making

We know we just put chocolate in the cheesy category, but making your own? That’s creative—not to mention cheap! How many times have you seen that golden Godiva box and just walked away because it was too pricey?  No more, collegiettes. You and your SO (or your girls!) can bond over tasting too much of the recipe before it’s finished or even adding your own ingredients to the mix. And hey, if the recipe goes awry, switch to Plan B: Head to your favorite bakery and pig out!  Find a chocolate recipe here.

2. Scavenger hunt

Pick out your favorite spots on campus as a couple and bury your clues there for the ultimate scavenger hunt.  Your first clue can start off with a modern-day twist on the Cinderella: Instead of a glass slipper, leave behind a cowboy boot or a five-inch heel, and set your prince or princess out to find you on campus.  You can even have your friends pitch in to help your SO out with the clue process. Have your SO set up a scavenger hunt for you, too, so that he or she won’t have to do all the hunting. ;)

3. Middle school dance

Maybe it’s just our desire to relive the age where Britney Spears just wanted to hit it one more time and Ricky Martin was livin’ la vida loca, or maybe it’s just a well-known fact that the '90s was the best decade EVER, and we were too young to really appreciate it.  So put a playlist together of the greatest hits, invite some friends over and rage like it’s 1999.  You can slow dance and have all the cheesy games like Spin the Bottle or Seven Minutes in Heaven. You can have bowls of punch and tortilla chips and those metallic balloons that read “Be Mine.” If you really want to kick it up a notch, you and your guests can even dress up like your favorite pop stars of the decade.  Because there ain’t no party like a Valentine’s Party.

4. Paintball

The paintball scene in 10 Things I Hate About You? Those weren’t paint streaks, guys; they were fireworks. And if it was good enough for Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles, it’ll be amazing for you and your SO.  An all-out paint war? And bragging rights if you win? Doesn’t get much better than that. Not to mention that when your single friends ask what you and your SO did on Valentine’s Day, this response won’t make them want to barf.

5. Ice-skating or roller-blading

Nothing says love like someone who’s there to catch you when you fall. Literally. Whether you’re both Olympic skating champs or only one of you could really work a job at Sonic, it doesn’t matter—it’s bound to be fun whizzing around the skating rink, holding hands.  Or holding on to the railing, holding hands. And if your school has an ice hockey rink that’s open to students, say hello to free fun!

6. Movie night drinking game

Valentine's Day (maybe too obvious of a choice, but we’ll take it), Crazy, Stupid, Love. (Ryan Gosling’s abs? Happy Valentine’s Day to you!) and [insert any romantic comedy here]—it’s time for Valentine’s Day movie night with a twist. Add a bowl of popcorn and some champagne (if you’re 21+), and you’re good to go.  The rules are up to you and your SO—for example, any time someone casts a longing look or says, “She’s… I don’t know… different,” bottoms up.  Just make sure you play this game responsibly (i.e., don’t drink every time Ryan Gosling looks hot).

7. Hot air balloon

If you’re willing to shell out the big bucks—and we do mean big bucks—soaring through the sky in a hot air balloon is the way to go. Sharing a beautiful bird's-eye view for two and pointing to a cloud you just passed— “Hey, I think that one’s cloud nine ;)”—makes for the best Valentine’s Day adventure EVER. 

8. Picnic

How was bad boy Jess from Gilmore Girls able to wiggle his way between Rory and Dean? That’s right, a picnic.  So gather up all your favorite foods and a nice, comfy blanket and head to the big outdoors.  And for extra fun, write each other love notes—or, even better, love haikus (always bound to be a great laugh).  If the weather’s bad, take the picnic indoors!

9. Planetarium

From star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet to that scene in A Walk to Remember when Landon makes a telescope for Jamie, nothing says "romantic" like the stars.  Not only will you learn a lot on Valentine’s Day, it’s practically like being in a space zen garden—the soothing music, the changing sky, the audience noise at an absolute minimum.  So look up the planetarium near you to check the times and the cost, and get ready for some stargazing.  

10. Camping indoors

If The Parent Trap was your favorite movie growing up, then maybe you've decided camping is everything but romantic: mosquito bites, lizards in your hair, waking up to find that your mattress is floating in the middle of a lake. No thanks (although we’ll take Dennis Quaid)!  If you take the camping indoors, however, that’s a whole other story.  You can build your own fort in your dorm room—or really go wild and actually set up a tent in there—pull out the blankets, pillows, marshmallows and flashlights, and you’re ready for an imaginary camping adventure.  You can tell scary stories, make shadow puppets, have pillow fights—whatever you want! And you can guarantee you won’t be covered in bug bites the next morning.

7 Things NOT To Do For Your Boyfriend On Valentine’s Day

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Ah, Valentine’s Day. A day where millions of bros waste endless amounts of money on roses that would normally cost half as much, even the worst restaurants have ridiculously long lines to get into, and if we’re single, we happily crack a cold one and watch the game alone before going to bed satisfied with our lives.

If you hadn’t gotten the vibe, Valentine’s Day really wouldn’t mean much to us if we didn’t have to make such a fuss over you. Not that we mind because without all of you beautiful women, we’d be lost. Or happily watching sports with our bros. It’s a toss up.

But seriously, for all of you lovely ladies out there with boyfriends who have decided you want to do something nice for him as well—I salute you. That said, make sure you DON’T do any of the following, and you’ll be much less likely to mess up.

1. Compare us to anyone else

Oh, your ex-boyfriend bought you diamonds after two months of dating last Valentine’s Day? I’m sorry, I actually have to pay for college! Seriously, if my homemade, folded-into-fours card is worth less to you than the one your ex got you from Walmart’s 99 cent aisle last year, stay home. Alone. And if me making dinner for you isn’t as nice as the really expensive restaurant your ex took you to last year, call him up and see what his plans are. Seriously. There is absolutely nothing worse than being compared to other guys, especially all your crappy exes!

Do you understand the pressure of Valentine’s Day? Honestly girls, you’ve taken this to obscene levels. This is the one day you undoubtedly get to be pampered and loved (according to TV commercials and CVS) and you’ve ruined it. You’re not Cinderella and I’m not Prince Charming. However, we want you to be our princess and will happily be your prince if you’d stop telling us about how great your ex was.

2. Take us lingerie shopping

We do not want to go into Victoria’s Secret, Frederick’s of Hollywood, or even the bra and panty section of Kohl’s. We don’t need to bump into half-naked mannequins and it’s uncomfortable seeing 13-year-old girls and 65-year-old women shopping there, all of whom are either leering at us like we’re creeps or giggling at us under their breath. Then, we’ll probably pick something up saying “I like this,” not even looking at how big it is, and it’ll be entirely the wrong size and get us in trouble. It’ll kill the mood for both of us.  Besides, wouldn’t you love having a super sexy secret surprise for us?

3. Give us a card

Most guys don’t have a sentimental girlfriend box with each and every one of your names on it, meaning we’re not going to keep every single thing you give to us or every little memory of the things we do together, Valentine’s Day or not. So, here’s the thing with getting us a card: it’s nice of you for thinking of us, but frankly it’s bad news all around. For starters, we’re not going to keep it forever, so how long is long enough? Do you want it on display on our kitchen table or dorm room desk so you see it and know how much we care about you every time you come over? Side note: if you need to see the card you gave me to know how much I care, our relationship has some problems. Next is the issue of the sentiment behind the card. If it’s well thought out, funny, and/or relates to something about our relationship, then the card is acceptable, but if it’s just some sappy Hallmark crap with someone else’s words and fancy cursive with glitter, we don’t care. We don’t want it.

4. Buy us flowers

Not that I think this is realistic, but in case you were thinking about it: what the heck do we want with them? We’re going to forget to put them in water and sunlight and we’ll kill them and get in trouble. See “no cards” for further explanation.

5. NO CHANNING TATUM, TAYLOR LAUTNER OR RYAN GOSLING ALLOWED—THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Seriously, we get that they’re way hotter than we will ever be. No, seriously, we literally get told that 365 days a year. Take a day off, and tell us we’re attractive. Not to get all girly here, but when you tell your man he’s everything you want, and hot and sexy, it goes right to our head. Not in a bad way, either. It’s reassuring to know how you feel about us, even if you think we already know. Knowing how attracted you are to us and how much we mean to you will lead us to respond and react to you in ways you’ll love—deeper attraction, deeper feelings, a stronger desire to protect you and call you ours, etc.! Plus, a little confidence boost heading into the bedroom never hurt anyone’s performance.

Look, we know that scene in The Notebook when Ryan Gosling is in the rain and then shirtless and then gets it on with Rachel McAdams... mainly because you tell us about it. You bite your lips and crinkle your nose while you’re sitting next to us on the couch watching HIM. The point is, you’re free to pick the movie, but don’t hurt our ego and make us watch one of those dudes get you off, especially right before using that super sexy secret surprise you hopefully didn’t bring us to VS to pick out.

6. Leave us without plans

Look, there’s something we need to get straight: ‘Chicks Before Dicks’ is not a thing. Here’s why: 1) you stole it from us. Bros Before Hoes came first, and frankly, you owe us money every time you run away and use your girlfriends as an excuse because it’s blatant copyright infringement. 2) Every bro knows that this rule doesn’t actually apply when the aforementioned “hoe” is actually someone important. Every guy hates it when his bro gets a girlfriend because things change and he isn’t required to come watch SportsCenter with you on repeat for hours when his girlfriend wants to hang out. We know that Valentine’s Day means WAAAAAY too much to every single one of you, and for those of you who are single, it’s an incredibly depressing and/or cynical day. It’s natural as a good friend to want to be there to support your sad and single girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. But, well, there’s a reason we still love our bro when he doesn’t watch SportsCenter all day with us: he’s happy. And somewhere, extremely well hidden very deep inside all of us, we want that too, so we let him go. If your girlfriends are really going to be mad at you for going out with your sweetie on Valentine’s Day, they aren’t very good friends to begin with and your life would be so much less dramatic without them. So don’t leave us hanging last minute because Laura needs a new gallon of Cherry Garcia Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and someone to eat it with. There’s always tomorrow. As Real Live College Guy Andy puts it, “this is not a day to feel sorry for single people. If you have a significant other, celebrate it!”

7. Be apathetic

If we ask you where you want to go to dinner, it’s because we want you to enjoy our date. If we ask you what type of flowers you want, it’s because we’re thinking of you and like to make you happy. And no, that’s not a stupid question because yes, I have had girls get mad at me for getting them roses – once because she thought roses were too clichéd so I clearly wasn’t putting any thought into what I got her, the other because she shockingly hated roses. If we ask you what movie you want to watch while we cuddle on the couch, don’t say you don’t care because you’ll end up watching Star Wars, Miracle, Hoosiers, or Field of Dreams. If you’re okay with that, well then you’re awesome and shouldn’t be worried about reading this article anyway. But seriously, if we’re asking you to choose, it’s not because we’re slacking, it’s because we know how much Valentine’s Day means to you and we want it to be as good as it can possibly be, so your insight is important. I asked one of my best lady friends, a 20-year-old junior at Merrimack College, for her take on the subject. Here’s what she had to say:

“Girls say ‘I don’t care’ because they don’t want to choose. Don’t ever make a girl choose. You should have spent time getting to know her so then she wants to see how well you do. She’s leaving it kind of as a test up to you if you can take her somewhere she will enjoy! Dates are on you. When you’ve been together long enough, then she’ll start taking control.”

Here’s my takeaway from all that:

  1. RE: taking control – I’m scared.
  2. What if it’s one of those ‘we’re not really dating but you’re my date for Valentine’s Day’ type things, or Valentine’s Day is your actual first date? We don’t know anything about you yet! That’s way too much pressure on us considering…
  3. YOU MADE THIS A TEST?! You’ve completely ruined this day for yourselves. I’m disgusted.
  4. Bottom line: throw us a bone. We’re doing this for you, so humor us. You don’t have to say exactly where you want to go or what flowers you want, just give us a ballpark idea like Italian food or the red flowers that come in 12 packs with thorns.

 

Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and the clock is ticking. The good news for the ladies reading this is that my last sentence should really only make the guys start to panic. Any pressure has now been lifted from your shoulders because, lucky for you, you have me (and my list of things I’d actually want my girlfriend to do for me on Valentine’s day). And, really, what more could any gal need?

12 #RelationshipGoals Every College Girl Has

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Let’s be real — whether it’s from movies, music or our favorite celebs, the media have set high expectations for our own romantic relationships. We can’t help but idolize couples like Beyoncé and Jay-Z in the hopes of being in a relationship as half as flawless as theirs someday. Until then, all we can do is keep dreaming and setting our standards high. Here are 12 #RelationshipGoals we all have.

1. To meet someone who shares your unconditional love for all thingspizza.

Making dinner plans just got that much easier.

2. To look so darn good together that you and your SO get mistaken for Beyoncé and Jay-Z.

Paparazzi, no pictures, please.

3. To find someone who’s down for spontaneous dancing in the middle of the day.

Extra points if he or she is willing to serenade you.

4. To meet someone who surprises you with what you really want on Valentine’s Day.

Because real roses would be just too clichéd.

5. To be with someone who believes in you as much as Kanye believes in himself.

Confidence is key.

6. To date someone who accepts you at your worst — especially when the emotional breakdowns, existential crises and inevitable period cramps hit.

Probably all at once.

7. And to find someone who is waiting for you with ice cream when they do.

That’s when you know you’ve found a keeper.

8. To be with someone who knows exactly how and when you like your coffee.

Once he or she’s memorized your Starbucks order, you know it’s real.

9. To date someone who tolerates your awful singing voice.

And accepts the fact that you’ll never stop spontaneously belting “Shake It Off.”

10. To find someone who is prepared for your klutziness.

Because true love is always there to catch you when you fall.

11. To be with someone who doesn’t judge you for your irrational snack cravings.

Or when you want to eat waffles in bed.

12. And to find someone who can laugh it off with you.

Because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters, right?

 

While our favorite celebs have set some big expectations for our relationships, that doesn’t mean we can’t keep setting our standards high. Never settle, collegiettes! 

8 Cheap Valentine’s Day Ideas

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Showing your sweetheart how much you care about them shouldn’t be an expensive task! Here are a few sweet, creative ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day this year without breaking the bank.

The Gift

Whether you intend to spoil him with expensive items or not, finding the right gift for a guy can be intimidating. But it doesn’t have to be! When you hand him one of these thoughtful, personal, do-it-yourself presents, you’ll remind your guy why he cares about you so much.

Instagram Your Love

His walls are probably pretty bare (save for that “Keep Calm and Have a Beer” poster), so why not make him a photo collage to brighten up his dorm? You’ve probably Instagrammed all of your cutest couple-y moments together anyway. Follow this tutorial from a blog called A Beautiful Mess to craft your thoughtful gift. Plus, now he’ll get to show off his gorgeous girlfriend to all of his friends!

Cozy Up with a T-Shirt Pillow

You can’t exactly give your guy a Build-a-Bear to cuddle as he falls asleep (unless you want him to be relentlessly made fun of by his friends), so make him one of these instead! By following this tutorial, you can turn a t-shirt into a pillow for him to sleep with. You’ll show him that you know his interests when you use a t-shirt from his favorite band or football team, and he’ll think of you when he falls asleep each night—now that’s killing two birds with one stone.

Send a Love Letter

Between iMessage, Facebook chat and Skype dates, it’s rare for someone to receive handwritten mail in this day and age—there’s something so personal about reading something handwritten instead of skimming paragraphs in your typical Helvetica. So sit down with a pen and paper and write him a love letter! He’ll be touched that you took the time to put your feelings for him down in writing. Bonus points if you seal it with a kiss!

Give Him Some Sugar

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and whoever “they” are, they’re right! All you need is a heart-shaped cookie cutter, this simple sugar cookie recipe, and some red and pink icing, and you’ve got the sweetest Valentine’s Day gift a man could ask for.

The Date

Get Starry-Eyed

Get together tons of blankets and pillows, thermoses of hot chocolate, and make a romantic playlist. Then go stargazing! If he has a pick-up truck, set up camp in the bed of it; if not, bring extra blankets and pillows to lay on the ground, then curl up together in a clearing somewhere! Whether you know the names of the constellations or not won’t matter; he’ll love wrapping his arms around you to keep you warm as you stare up at the starry sky together.

Go On a Picnic

Make your man an easy, delicious meal, then go on a picnic—in the living room of your apartment (or on the floor of your dorm room)! Throw a blanket on the floor and light some candles. Then enjoy all of the fun of a picnic without braving the cold, and all of the deliciousness of a Valentine’s Day feast without spending big bucks at a restaurant!

Pamper Each Other

For a date night that he won’t soon forget, light some candles, put on some soothing music, and treat each other to massages! Following this tutorial, you can learn relax him from his scalp to his feet. Pick up some massage lotion beforehand to make the experience even better. Make sure he returns the favor!

Have an Old-Fashioned Movie Night

While going to the movies used to be an inexpensive date-night activity, those days are long gone. So bring the nostalgic joy of dinner-and-a-movie back to life by creating a movie theater in your own living room. Put some buttery popcorn in these adorable containers and pick up some Swedish Fish and Cookie Dough Bites from your local supermarket. Then take a step up from the giant cups of soda and snag some of your guy’s favorite beer. Make it a Double Feature, choosing one action movie he’ll love and a rom-com you’ve been dying to see, then snuggle in close and enjoy the show! (Now you don’t even have to hide in the back row—you’re more than welcome to kiss from the opening credits to the closing ones!)

With these cheap and simple options at hand, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a trying or expensive ordeal. Pick a few and let him know you’re crazy about him without stressing yourself out too much!

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