You meet a cute guy in at a party and start talking. Wow, you’re really hitting it off! You start going on dates and you’re having a good time, but in the midst of pillow talk, he tells you that he’s bisexual.

You’re totally into him, but you may be wondering: Is dating a bisexual guy different from dating a heterosexual guy? Is there anything you need to be aware of when it comes to dating bisexual guys? Luckily, Her Campus is here to help you figure it out with a few things you need to know about dating a bisexual guy!

1. Everyone defines bisexuality differently

Joyce Smith, a sexual health awareness advocate at Wesleyan University, says that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and it’s extremely important to understand this concept when heading into a relationship with a bisexual guy.

“Everyone defines their sexual orientation differently, and bisexuality can be a lot more complicated than just, ‘I like boys and girls,’” she explains.

Being bisexual also doesn’t mean that your boyfriend identifies as a different gender. “It is crucial to also realize that gender and sexual orientation are two separate concepts that intersect,” Smith says.

Smith’s advice? Going into your relationship, make sure you throw all preconceived notions of what it means to be bisexual out the window. Your guy might define it differently than you, and you don’t want your own biases to hinder what he’s trying to tell you. In addition, his level and depth of attraction to both sexes could differ greatly, so it’s important not to make any assumptions about it!

Jane*, a senior at Wesleyan University who has previously dated two bisexual guys, found that both guys viewed their bisexuality completely differently. “My first boyfriend who was bisexual told me that he had dated more women than men, and that was important to him when defining his sexuality,” she says. “In contrast, my second bisexual boyfriend was attracted to both guys and girls equally, and he thought that was an important part of being bisexual.”

Smith also reminds collegiettes that being bisexual says nothing about a person’s promiscuity. “Unfortunately, our culture sometimes associates bisexuality with being heavily sexual or unable to be monogamous, which is of course not the case!” she says. “It’s a common misconception, and it’s an important one to think about!”

2. You should be respectful and open-minded

You might feel a little weird approaching a beau (or potential beau) about his sexuality; after all, sexuality is an extremely personal thing, and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!

Smith urges collegiettes to talk to their bisexual guy at the very beginning of the relationship instead of later on. “Before you talk, make sure you are both aware that you are having a serious conversation about sexual orientation and your relationship status, and make sure that it’s at an appropriate time,” she says. “Trying to discuss your boyfriend’s bisexuality while intoxicated at a loud party doesn’t make for a very thoughtful discussion. Make sure you are both ready and present to talk about sexuality, comfort and boundaries.”

In addition, Smith also advises thinking about what you are going to say before you head into the conversation. “Write down some questions you have beforehand. It’ll get you thinking about what you want to say and how you want to say it,” she says. “A lot of the time, conversations about sexuality and relationships turn sour when people don’t think before they speak!”

Even though your level of openness and honesty might differ depending on your relationship, there are a couple of sexual-orientation-conversation no-nos. “Definitely don’t ask him if he’s ‘sure’ he’s bisexual,” Jane says. “Sexual orientation is already a sensitive subject, and questioning a part of your boyfriend’s identity can feel insulting and could even turn him off to a conversation altogether.”

Jane recommends not talking about past sexual encounters during this first conversation. “It may come across as really inappropriate to ask your bisexual boyfriend how many guys and girls he’s slept with, so keep the sexual partner count off-limits for now!” she says. “Instead, talk about boundaries like you would in any other relationship. Are you two exclusive or able to see other people? This is something that’s important regardless of whom your partner is attracted to, and it could prevent issues with jealously or insecurity later on.”

3. Consistent communication is more important than ever

The biggest rule of dating someone who is bisexual is also just a general rule of relationships: keep a clear and honest line of communication! Marni Battista, the relationship and love expert behind Dating With Dignity, thinks this is especially important in relationships in which at least one partner is bisexual. “If you choose to date someone that is bisexual, you might have questions for them about their sexual preference,” she says. “As is the same with all relationships, the best thing to do is keep communication open!”

Many collegiettes might still be unsure of what it’s like to date someone who is attracted to both guys and girls. However, many women who have dated bisexual guys in college note that this is not really an issue as long as communication is a priority.

Kathleen*, a recent college graduate, wished she had communicated more from the get-go with her bisexual boyfriend, because not doing so played into her insecurities. “I think the problem with our relationship was that, because of his bisexuality, we were a little too open with one another about our crushes on other people,” she says. “If we had set that boundary from the get-go, it probably would have worked much better.”

Jane felt that communication was key, especially because dating a bisexual guy for her was the same in a lot of respects as dating a heterosexual guy. “Dating is dating, no matter whom it is with,” she says. “There has to be trust, attraction, love and ground rules.”

Jane also says that neither of her relationships ended because of either guy’s sexuality. “These relationships ended because of conventional relationship problems, which is something I think some people don’t get,” she says. “One boy moved away and we grew apart, and the other one didn’t put enough effort into our relationship.”

Jane noted that people were always surprised to hear that her boyfriends’ bisexuality was never an issue in her relationships. “I don’t really get the question at Wesleyan, but I did get it from my friends back at home,” she says. “But at the end of the day, I dated people who made me happy, and then we broke up. A relationship is a relationship, no matter which sexes your boyfriend may be attracted to.”

4. People will ask YOU questions, too

Jane, Joanne*, a recent graduate of Northwestern University who has dated a bisexual guy, and Danielle, a recent graduate of Harvard University who is currently dating a bisexual guy, have all had experiences with people asking them questions about their relationships.

Joanne was pelted with concerns when she was going out with her bisexual guy. “When we were dating, I got asked all of the time what it was like, and it annoyed both of us to no end,” she says.

Jane had a similar experience. “For some reason, my friends would get weird whenever they saw either of my bisexual boyfriends talking to guys, especially guys they knew were gay or bisexual,” she says. “My friends would ask me if it bothered me, and of course it didn’t. My boyfriend can talk to whomever he wants. But this sort of perpetual questioning of my boyfriend’s actions as a bisexual male happened constantly in both relationships, which I got very weary of after a while.”

It may get tiring hearing your friends constantly ask about your relationship, but don’t let it get to you. The only thing that matters is if you and your boyfriend are in a happy and healthy relationship!

5. You need to respect his “out” status

Danielle says the one challenge of dating a bisexual guy versus a heterosexual guy is being cognizant of whom he’s come out to. “[You have to be] sensitive about the issue and make sure not to accidentally [out] him to someone that he's not out to,” she says.

Jane had similar issues with one of the guys she dated who had not come out to his family or friends at home. “One of my previous bisexual boyfriends, Josh*, invited me home for Thanksgiving one year, and he had to warn me that he had not yet come out to his family or high school friends,” she says. “I just had to be careful, especially around his friends, not to say anything.”

However, Jane doesn’t think this differs from any other sensitive information that pops up in a relationship. “I think everyone has delicate stuff that shouldn’t be brought up around certain people, like family. I definitely don’t think it’s just bisexual individuals,” she says. “In college especially, people can be very different at school versus when they’re at home, and I think that’s totally normal. My family is very against drinking, so I personally don’t tell them that I drink. When we visited my family last year, I told Josh not to bring up any party stories, so it works both ways.”

Overall, dating a bisexual guy only differs somewhat from dating a heterosexual guy. But no matter what, it’s still a relationship between two people who like each other. Also, if any of your friends are dating a bisexual guy, remember to think before asking any questions about it!

Battista also thinks that college is the perfect time to look at a relationship with someone who’s bisexual. “College relationships usually begin as a way to learn more about yourself and your needs in a relationship, and they are also a good place to try new things, so there is no better time than the present!” she says.

*Names have been changed.

Clinginess is good—when it comes to your favorite pair of skinny jeans. When it comes to relationships? Not so much. Even though our clingy ways only manifest “because we care,” they’re still not healthy, and when we take them too far, we run the risk of alienating our SOs. It’s kind of like killing a plant by overwatering it.

But don’t freak out, because we’ve talked to experts to identify the top clingy things you do and how to stop. Your little love fern (name that movie!) will have a long, healthy life.

1. You need to be in constant contact

You and your boyfriend just had a super-fun hiking date, and now he’s dropping you off at your apartment so you can take a shower and relax a bit before grabbing dinner together. You kiss him goodbye, skip inside… and then send him a text telling him how much fun you had.

After you get out of the shower, you notice your puppy doing something adorable, so you send him a quick Snapchat. Then, while browsing through Facebook, you see a funny article you know he’ll love, so you tag him in a comment.

Does this scenario sound familiar? With all of our different communication options, it’s easy to stay in touch with your SO 24/7. But this gets annoying, fast — and can make your girlfriend or boyfriend feel totally smothered.

“It feels like an invasion of privacy,” explains Dr. Ish Major, a certified psychiatrist and relationship expert. “‘She already texted me today; why is she hitting me up on Facebook? I talked to her last night; why are we Snapchatting, why are we Instagramming?’ At some point, it starts to feel like she’s checking up on you.”

How to stop it

To gauge how much interaction is too much, hang back for a couple of days and see how often your SO texts, calls, Snaps, etc. Maybe you talk just as much as you always have, in which case, awesome; you’re not being stifling! But if you go from having a “goodnight phone convo” every night to once a week, that’s a clear sign that the Noah to your Allie (or the Allie to your Allie) wants to communicate a little less often.

“If he [or she] is texting, text back. Take his [or her] lead on that — don’t exceed it,” Dr. Major says. “Two to three texts per day is plenty. And keep social media check-ins to a minimum. Let [your SO] have that, since you’ve got the phone calls and you’ve got the texts.”

2. You shut out your SO’s friends

It’s really common to think your GF or BF’s group is a bad influence or just that they spend too much time together. Or maybe you don’t know why you don’t like his or her friends — you just do!

Your lack of enthusiasm for your SO’s squad can manifest itself in a lot of ways (unless you have J-Law-level acting skills). You probably encourage your boyfriend or girlfriend not to hang out with them, or you make comments like, “Carly is kind of annoying” or you refuse to engage with them when they’re around.

Unfortunately, Dr. Major says this can be a huge deal-breaker.

“Guys and girls hate when their partners start doubting the friends — when the partners think they’re the only good role models,” he says.

To some extent, your SO’s posse is a package deal. When you started dating him or her, you also signed up for his or her group. On the other hand, you’re definitely not obligated to put up with super-sketchy behavior all in the name of love.

How to stop it

If you have a legit reason to dislike one of your partner’s friends — like she’s always encouraging your partner to break up with you — then you should definitely have an honest discussion about the issue.

“Be open and tell your partner what’s worrying you,” says Jay Hurt, relationship coach and author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship. “You can work through it together. Don’t just say, ‘I don’t like that person’ and leave it at that.”

However, if it’s a trust or insecurity problem on your end, you’ll have to take a different approach.

According to Dr. Major, you have to put faith in your SO.

“You’ve got to trust him to know he’s with you, and he’s not going to do anything that would hurt the relationship — regardless of his friends,” Dr. Major says. But he says ultimatums don’t work. “You’re trying to change behavior or friends he’s had for years,” Dr. Major says. “Nine times out of 10, you’ll be the one left in the cold.”

And if you don’t trust your SO to respect you, that probably means you shouldn’t be together.

3. You seek positive affirmation 24/7

Not knowing the answer might be fun when you’re playing Clue, but when your heart’s at stake? You definitely want to know the deal. Unfortunately, this can lead you to constantly ask your boyfriend or girlfriend how he or she feels about you.

“Some women ask a thousand and one questions,” Dr. Major says. “Why are we together, what do you like about me, etc. In the honeymoon stage, it’s great because we want to profess our love — we want to shout it from the rooftops! But over time, it gets very old.”

If you’re always forcing your SO to compliment you or verbally show that he or she cares, your SO will start resenting you and will be even less likely to tell you sweet stuff.

How to stop it

Ironically, you should use your words.

“The idea in your partner’s mind is, ‘Hey, I’m here with you, we’re in contact, we’re seeing each other, that’s should be enough to let you know I’m into you,’” Dr. Major says. “We forget to say it — but our SOs need to hear it.”

So instead of constantly pestering your boyfriend or girlfriend with questions like, “Are you still into me?” or, “Where do we stand?”, give him or her a reminder that you need positive affirmation.

“Say, ‘I appreciate everything you do. You show it to me. But it sure would be nice to hear it every now and then,’” Dr. Major says. “Just a reminder — that’s all it takes.”

He also says we should cut our SOs a little slack and recognize they’re showing their affection through their actions. For example, it might not be your boyfriend’s style to go all Romeo and compare you to the sun or your hand to a shrine or whatev, but if he’s bringing you Starbucks at work, hello — he cares. (Did Romeo ever bring Juliet a Chestnut Praline Latte? We think not.)

4. You do everything together

Pop quiz: When was the last time you two spent some time apart? Was it when one of you visited the bathroom? If yes, then Houston, we have a problem.

“It’s kind of a cliché, but absence really does make the heart grow fonder,” Hurt says. “You need a little distance to appreciate what you have.”

But walking the line between enough time together and too much can be kind of tricky. Just what is “too much,” anyway?

“I’d say two or three times a week is a lot. If it’s more than that, that’s a clue you’re spending a lot of time together,” Dr. Major says. “You don’t need to spend five out of the seven days together. Not even four.”

There’s another way to tell if you’re being clingy.

“If you’re not developing relationships with other people, if you’re isolating yourself with your SO, then you’re spending too much time together,” Hurt says. While it may feel like you and your SO are the only people in the world, there will definitely come a time when you need connections with your friends, family and so on. Don’t neglect them now, or you’ll regret it later.

How to stop it

Dr. Major suggests relying on your own group more. For example, if your partner wants to go to a concert with friends, call up your friends and see if they want to grab some dinner. That way you’ll remain independent — and still enjoy your night!

Plus, when you’re in a relationship, it’s good to have your own interests. You feel more fulfilled, and you don’t have to rely on your SO for entertainment.

“Everyone wants to feel good about who we’re dating,” Dr. Major says. “We want to feel we’re dating an independent woman who’s got her own life that doesn’t revolve around us. That makes the time we do spend together even better.”

5. You drop all your other obligations for your SO

The last time your girlfriend asked you to hang out when you already had plans, what did you say? Did you tell her you couldn’t, so you guys should do something a different day? Did you invite her along to whatever you had planned? Did you cancel your first obligation so you and your GF could be together?

While wanting to be available for your girlfriend or boyfriend all.the.time sounds romantic in theory, it implies that you consider everything in your life to be less valuable than your SO. We highly doubt that nothing — college, your best friends, your family, your hobbies — all come second to your SO all of the time.

And while it seems counterintuitive, your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want you to be available 24/7, either. The more available something is, the less attractive it may seem (Thank you, “supply and demand” chapter of our Econ 101 textbooks!).

How to stop it

You definitely shouldn’t lie to your partner and tell him or her you’re busy when you’re not. But don’t stop making other plans, whether they’re things you do by yourself (like reading at a coffee shop, going for a run or practicing your photo skills) or with other people. And if your SO asks what you have going on, don’t cancel those plans so you can be with him or her.

This will probably be a little hard at first, like only watching one episode of Gilmore Girls at a time when you really want to binge-watch the whole day away. However, by making your relationship last longer, you’ll actually have more opportunities to be with your boo.

If you’re exhibiting any of these four behaviors, then just remember, the road to clinginess is paved with good intentions. However, by recognizing what makes you come across as needy, you can change your ways. Confidence, independence and healthy relationship, here you come!

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

So there is this guy at my workplace and I really like him — but he has a girlfriend. When I found this out, I was okay with it; I mean, there was nothing I could do about it, right? But we got talking, and he was the one who initiated the conversation even though he is the vice president at the organization and I am just a new recruit. He remembers small details about me and keeps complimenting me, and there is constant flirting between us. I am thoroughly and absolutely confused. What does he want from me? –Workplace Woes in Wyoming

Wyoming,

Simply said, you’re toeing into some really morally iffy (bordering on potentially disastrous) territory here.

First, workplace relationships may not always be banned, but in my experience they are generally frowned upon, especially between employees at a lower level and those with authority. Before you get caught up in the possibilities of an office romance, step back and realize the potentially damaging impact it could have. How will your coworkers see it? How will it influence your actual job? What happens if things take a turn for the worse and you still have to work together?

Second, even if you two are flirting in the workplace, he has a girlfriend, and that’s something that needs to be respected. How would you feel if some woman your boyfriend worked with was constantly flirting with him? Moreover, what does him acting like this behind his girlfriend’s back say about his character?

I can’t tell you exactly what he wants, Wyoming, but you’re right to be confused. You’re in an extremely precarious position here. He’s in a position of power and you’re the new girl, so if you flat-out deny his advances, then you might be on the receiving end of some unfair punishment. At the same time, if you continue the games, then you could potentially damage the personal and professional lives of everyone involved.

I think you should move on from his attention and, basically, ignore it. You’re there to do a job, not get a boyfriend. Friendliness is fine, but don’t give into the flirtation. If he asks you what’s wrong (or anything along those lines), tell him that you’re not interested in pursuing anything with him and that you’re there to work. Hopefully he can respect your decision, but I can’t make any guarantees. Worst-case scenario? If he doesn’t reel it in a little, consider going to HR to file a sexual harassment report.

Good luck, Wyoming.

If you’ve ever tried online dating, you know the Internet is full of weirdos. Don’t get us wrong; we’re firm believers in the power of websites like OkCupid to bring great couples together... but let’s be real. For every great date or flirty message exchanged that came from being winked at online, there were a few weird ones to weed through. We spoke to some collegiettes about the worst messages they’ve ever received, and the results were pretty entertaining. Check out the worst of these online pick-up lines, from the mildly uncomfortable to the what-were-they-thinking awful.

12. “Hey Friend, I think we could be friends. Sincerely, Friend P.S. Friendship”
– sent to Emily, a recent graduate of Barnard College

Dear Friend,

Thank you for taking the time to apply. While I appreciate your interest in my friendship, I am unfortunately not accepting friendship applications at this time. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Kindest regards,
Enemy

P.S. Enmity

11. “I'm sure you have been wondering where I have been all your life. Sorry I got held up rescuing damsels in distress, slaying dragons, freeing captured unicorns and then of course I got turned into a frog there for a bit. So sorry it took this long to get in touch with you. I'll make sure you have the fairest pony in all the kingdom and don't even get me started on the tiara :-) 

ps. you are a princess right?”
– sent to Kelsey, a junior at Ohio State

Only one princess can express our feelings about this message:

10. “Can I get some fashion advice? I've been mixing pastels with plaid lately and I just don't think it bodes well for me anymore.”
– sent to Kelly, a senior at Columbia University

Oh, baby, baby. There’s nothing sexier than talking prints. It’s true, though; we’ve heard pastels and plaid are an omen of upcoming rejection.

9. “I just looked into it and it’s not illegal to wear a towel to work.”
– sent to Julia, a recent graduate of Barnard College

…we’ll keep this in mind when we get dressed tomorrow, thanks.

8. “I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.”
– sent to the author

That just sounds uncomfortable.

7. “Are u interested in a date? THANX”
– sent to Elizabeth, a senior at Barnard College

No. UR WELCOME

6. “Hi!! Do you like older men??”
– sent to Sarah, a senior at Barnard College

Isn’t there a reason you set an age range on these websites? Whoever said 40 was the new 25 was seriously disturbed.

5. “Hey sexxxXxE. I jus date Azn chicks but Ill make an exceptin 4 u babe ;)”
– sent to Danai, a recent graduate of Harvard

WowwWw. Were so flatterd, we cant belive we made the cut

4. “Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes.”
– sent to Rachel, a senior at Columbia University

Yikes. If you’re going to be this cheesy, could you at least use correct grammar?

3. “Ya, just bored. You do seem...ok :) How are you?”
– sent to Emily, a recent graduate of Barnard College

BRB, swooning.

2. “are you interested in my trademark massage today? :)”
– sent to Rachel, a senior at Columbia University

Nope™

1. “9/10, would pollinate”
– sent to the author

We don’t even know where to begin. Is this flattering? Disgusting? Both? Why did we lose a point? Why should we care?

What about you, collegiettes? Have you tried online dating? These messages are pretty priceless, but we bet you have some great ones of your own. Share them in the comments!

Saying “I love you” to your SO is a huge, exciting and very romantic step in your relationship. But many collegiettes find themselves in relationships where the simple “I love you” while you’re out to dinner or watching a movie may not make the cut. You need a wonderful way to say it for the unique and special relationship you and your SO have. Even if you don’t have a boom box over your head or a horse-drawn carriage to sit in, you can tell your SO how much you love him or her in a heartfelt way. Whether you’ve said those words before or you aren’t ready to say them yet, there are so many ways you can show your SO you care.

1. Brew an “I love you a latté”

Show him or her how much you care with some sweet latté art. It’s an adorable way to show your SO that you’re in love.

“I've always thought it would be adorable to visit a coffee shop with your SO, get the barista to make one of those white hearts on the top of his or her coffee while he or she is waiting at a table and wait for your SO to see it,” says Ashley McDonald, a senior at Central Michigan University. “That would be the perfect way to say 'I love you.' Men need to take note of this.”

If caffeine and a heart don’t spell “I love you,” what does? And if the coffee-shop scene isn’t for you and your SO, try this one at home.

2. Plan a surprise trip for your SO

Let your SO know that you’re open to doing things that you weren’t before you started dating, especially things that your SO likes and you haven’t tried before!

“If your partner is a big ‘acts of service’ person, [see] if you can figure out a way to serve them, like scheduling a mission trip or doing something in your city, like going to a homeless shelter,” says Jay Hurt, a relationship coach and author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship. “Do something you didn’t know they are open to.”

Try planning a trip for your SO that will surprise him or her and show how committed you are to your relationship — whether you want to go to a soup kitchen, try a new roller coaster your SO loves even if you are scared of heights or take him or her on a romantic weekend getaway, your SO will know you love him or her with this sweet gesture. Find something that your SO wants to try or loves doing, and do it with him or her!

3. Give your SO a meaningful gift

Cashmere sweaters and cuff links are nice gifts, but try getting your SO something more significant when you tell him or her you’re in love.

“[See] if you’re able to give them something that really speaks to them,” Hurt says. “If they’re into fashion, and you’re able to buy her a specific Prada bag that she just happens to have been looking at and she thinks you have no idea that she’s looking at, then that’s a way to say, ‘I love you.’”

Don’t worry now that the winter holidays are over—this can apply to birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day! Small acts of kindness and cute DIY gifts are always appreciated, no matter what time of year.

4. Sing your SO’s praises

Though saying “I love you” can be an intimate, personal moment, one way to let your SO know how much you care is praising him or her in front of your friends in a natural way.

“If you’re at the beginning of a relationship and it’s the first time, and you speak really highly of your SO, that’s a way to make them really feel warm and fuzzy and loved,” Hurt says.

Laughing at your SO’s jokes, praising his or her outfit and giving him or her random compliments in front of friends can let your SO know that you’re comfortable with how amazing he or she is and you want to show it off!

5. Leave little love notes

Nothing tells your SO that you’re thinking about him or her like love notes! They are a thoughtful way to let your SO know that you care and that you’re happy you’re together.

“In the past, I've left little notes for my boyfriend where I know he won't find them for a while,” says Aja Frost, a sophomore at California Polytechnic State University. “For example, I'd hide one in a pair of his socks or in a box of cookies. The notes would usually have an inside joke or a sweet message or a drawing. I know he thought they were super cute and held on to them!”

You know your relationship is built to last, so why not let your SO know? Saying “I love you” can be one of the sweetest and best moments in a relationship — make sure that the first time you say it (and every time thereafter) is special, unique and catered to your SO!

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I met this guy through some mutual friends, and he asked if I would help with a project he’s working on. After meeting him a couple of times to work on the project, he invited me over to dinner—just the two of us. We ate and watched a movie, and then he initiated us making out. I don't know him that well yet, so he's still quiet and hard to read. Is he just interested in sex, or could he be interested in me as a person, too? –Perplexed in Texas

Texas,

I think it’s entirely possible that he might be interested in you as a person. Do I think it’s probable? Not really, no.

More likely, he confused your generosity for flirtation and thought repeated visits meant that you were down for some fun. For some reason, some guys think that if a girl spends time with them, then she must be interested in something more. Clearly, they think, she wants to hook up. Is it a logical thought process? No. But men aren’t always creatures of logic.

The fact that you don’t know him that well and that he is “quiet and hard to read” aren’t necessarily factors here. And sure, if we were in a romantic comedy, this might end with the two of you realizing how many things you have in common and how you were always supposed to be together. That’s not the world we live in, though, and I’m pretty sure that isn’t what’s going on here.

I hate to say it, Texas, but it sounds like this guy just wanted to see if you were down with hooking up. Dinner and a movie seem like a not-so-subtle setup disguised as a “thank you” for your help, a hook-up disguised as something innocent. I say this because it’s something I’ve seen other college guys do before, and I wouldn’t put it past a hormonal dude.

This whole thing just seems too convenient to me, and the most realistic scenario is that he misunderstood your repeated help as a desire to do something more. I can’t really say I blame him because, foolishly, I’ve done the same thing.

If it’s something you’re not interested in, let him down easy. If not, have fun!

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like the guy! While I'm happy he doesn't pressure me into sex, he also isn't very interested in it. We've been dating a while and are very comfortable with each other. I don't want to pressure him either, but I'd like to understand. It makes me feel like he doesn't like how I look or something! Please help me understand this! – Sexless in Seattle

Seattle,

It’s a common misconception that the only thing on a man’s mind is sex. While it’s no secret that we definitely think about it, it isn’t the single most important thing to us. That being said, your situation kind of throws me for a loop.

No guy should pressure his girlfriend into having sex. If you don’t want to do it, he should respect that. And this works both ways – if he doesn’t want to have sex, then you shouldn’t force him into it either. But it seems like you’re only concerned because he doesn’t seem interested in doing the deed, and you want to understand why.

His disinterest could be due to a multitude of reasons. One theory, unfortunately, is that he might be cheating on you. This isn’t something any person wants to face, let alone accept. After building a relationship with someone, it can be hard to believe that your boyfriend would go behind your back. Maybe he feels like the relationship isn’t what it once was—the passion is dissipating and the romance is dwindling, and it’s possible that he’s finding other people to get these things from and is simply too cowardly to break things off with you.

Another possibility is that he’s gay. I’ll be honest, this was one of the first ideas that popped into my head, and it was only reaffirmed when my friend at Starbucks (who’s a gay man himself) jumped to this same conclusion. A guy who doesn’t jump at the opportunity to have sex? That’s fishy. Maybe he’s not ready to come out yet, maybe he’s afraid of what others might think or maybe he’s struggling with accepting the fact that he’s gay. Those are all possibilities, though they may not be strict probabilities.

A third possibility is that he’s just not that into sex. He may not be repulsed by the idea, but he also might not find it very appealing either. Don’t immediately think that it’s your fault though, because this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or find you attractive anymore; it could simply mean that he isn’t as into sex as a lot of guys.

Of course, there’s the chance that he’s self-conscious. It happens to guys, too. Are we big enough? Are we fit enough? Will my super pale legs turn her off? Men have body issues too!

But how do you deal with these situations? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: it all comes down to communication. You’ve got to communicate your feelings with him if you want to make any progress. I wouldn’t suggest just outright asking him if he’s gay, nor would I force him to admit to cheating. However, I do believe you should sit him down and have a serious conversation with him and tell him your concerns. Tell him that when you two are intimate, you don’t feel as though he’s interested in taking things any further, and ask him why.

You could also try injecting a little passion into the relationship. I know a lot of couples that scheduled sex like it was a job, and I think that takes away from the experience. I won’t tell you what to do, but see if you can’t entice him to step out of his shyness or disinterest. Find a way to make him interested, but don’t sacrifice his or your own comfort to do so. 

Like I said earlier, not every guy is obsessed with sex. If you’re that concerned about the issue, I strongly suggest that you communicate your feelings with him. That’s the only way to clear the air and move past the issue.

Your boyfriend is truly amazing, and you’re perfect together… but sometimes, he doesn’t think twice about letting out a little sexist comment. He doesn’t realize it, but it can be offensive to your feminist ideals. Or maybe you’ve tried explaining feminism to him and he rejected the concept for some reason that evades you. Whatever the reasoning (or lack thereof) behind his attitude, it bothers you that he doesn’t support you in this way. Luckily, we’re here to help you make sense of this situation.

The situation: He misunderstands feminism

Even when we don’t realize it, feminism is a big part of our lives as modern collegiettes. We’re no longer pursuing our “MRS degrees,” and our world is getting closer and closer to embracing gender equality. We aren’t quite there yet, and this comes through in your boyfriend’s macho banter.

If your boyfriend tells or laughs at sexist jokes, he might just not realize that he’s being inappropriate. But if he undermines the concept of feminism specifically, this could be based on the all-too-common misconception that feminists are man-hating, domineering, cold women.

“It’s important to remember that just because a college woman’s boyfriend – or any other male peer – misunderstands feminism doesn’t necessarily mean he’s anti-feminist,” says Julie Zeilinger, author of A Little F’d Up: Why Feminism Is Not A Dirty Word and feminist blogger. Instead, Zeilinger says, it’s important to understand that “men today are raised in a culture that largely promotes (false) anti-feminist stereotypes, such as that feminists hate men or want power over men (rather than equality), which may lead them to be skeptical of the movement or people who associate with it.”

How to deal

“Just because [your boyfriend] may have been raised this way doesn’t necessarily mean that [he is] sexist,” Zeilinger says. “It more likely means that [he] probably [hasn’t] been exposed to the truth about the feminist movement.” As his girlfriend, you have the power to change this. College is for learning, after all!

When you bring up the subject, make sure you’re not angry at him. “You should always tackle a testy subject once you have cooled down,” says Laurel House, a dating coach and author of Screwing the Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love. “If you snap back or attack, absolutely nothing you say will be heard. It’s best to bring it up later that day or even the next day.” Proper timing is crucial if you want your boyfriend to truly reevaluate his beliefs about feminism.

One issue might be that he thinks there are no inequalities to fight in such a progressive setting as a university campus. “However, various types of inequality and discrimination are also present in the college setting – like, just to name one example, the underrepresentation of women in STEM fields/academic departments,” Zeilinger says. “In the face of this persistent inequality, feminism is as relevant as ever.”

If you tell your SO this and the other reasons why you identify as a feminist, he should understand where you’re coming from and hopefully rally to your cause!

Finally, if you’re unsure how to explain the concept of feminism to him, start with Zeilinger’s simple and effective definition: “Feminism is, on the most basic level, a movement that pursues social, political and economic equality.” But how does this apply to you? “Feminism is especially relevant for college women because college is a time to figure out who you are, what you’re interested in and what you want to pursue – all tenants of independence and self-realization that are inherently feminist,” Zeilinger says. In other words, if he supports your right to personal and professional growth, he unknowingly supports feminism already. It just needed to be clarified!

The situation: He is openly against feminism

Emily Schulz, a senior at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse, says her last boyfriend openly disapproved of feminism.

“I am a women's studies minor and a very outspoken feminist,” Emily says. “He was a conservative business major. I knew from the start we would never last based on our fundamental differences, but when we kept the conversation light, we had a lot of fun together.”

Feminism plays a central role in Emily’s life, and she wanted to share this with her SO, but he remained unreceptive. “There was one time when I knew we had to end our relationship,” she says. “I brought up something I'd read in various research studies for one of my women's studies classes. He continued to dispute anything I said, and in the end, simply said, ‘I think that information is wrong,’ as though all of my research and the scholars' findings that I was citing were flat-out made-up lies.”

There are two problems with Emily’s situation: First, her boyfriend undermined entirely legitimate facts and research findings. Second, he was unwilling to support his partner in an area that was so central to her whole belief system.

“After a while, he would just say that he didn't care and wished politics only revolved around the important stuff – meaning the economy – and that the social issues just distracted from that. Which, again, undervalues feminism and social justice,” Emily says.

You shouldn’t have to stand for any behavior or speech that belittles who you are or what you believe in – not ever, but especially not coming from a significant other.

How to deal

First off, you need to draw the line between unintentionally offensive banter and beliefs that just cannot align with your own. The harsh reality is that if your try to educate your boyfriend about feminism and he continues to subscribe to sexist ideals, he probably isn’t worth having in your life. In this case, you should probably break things off.

“At the end of the day, you should be with someone who makes your life better – who challenges you, who makes you a better version of yourself and makes you happy,” Zeilinger says. “I don’t believe any relationship in which one partner belittles another or believes [he’s] better than another can meet those qualifications.”

As an ambitious and independent woman, the last thing you need is someone ridiculing your core values. If your partner makes you feel this way, he’s a poor excuse for a partner. You deserve to be in a respectful, equal relationship, and if this guy can’t see that, you are SO much better on your own.

The situation: He follows a double standard

A guy might insist on paying for your dinner to show you he cares, but not accept that you pay for the same reasons. In this case he means well, but it might make you uncomfortable, as was the case for Naomi*, a recent graduate from Northwestern University.

“The guy I'm dating is super into paying for everything, and it took a while for him to come around,” Naomi says. “He would assure me that wanting to pay was just how he liked to take care of the women he dated and an important way, for him, to show that he cared.”

Naomi’s partner identifies as a feminist, but apparently not in this way. “He'd say things like paying for our dates had everything to do with being the man he wanted to be and nothing to do with the woman he thought I should be, and insisted that he didn't want me to feel any pressure,” Naomi explains.

Although Naomi felt uncomfortable, this guy clearly respected her as a person and as a feminist. However, there are instances when your SO could follow an [unacceptable] double standard, such as always wanting to know your whereabouts without disclosing his, getting jealous of you talking to other guys but flirting with other girls himself or thinking your sexual number says more about you than his says about him.

How to deal

If you are in a caring, balanced and understanding relationship, your partner will ultimately be happy to compromise to meet your needs.

Naomi eventually told her SO how she felt. “I went with it for a while, but eventually had to sit down and discuss with him that it made me uncomfortable and that I would love to split things more evenly in the future,” Naomi says. “After hearing my side of things, we did just that. It was easy as that.”

Before jumping to conclusions, try to make him aware of his behavior. “Communicate how it makes you feel when he hounds you for information, but seems to hide his whereabouts,” House says. “Reverse the situation for him. How would it make him feel if you constantly questioned what he was up to, but didn’t reveal what you did during your alone time? Relationships should be even, with fair and level expectations.”

If he cares about you, he will understand where you’re coming from and adapt accordingly, but if he openly rejects your argument, you should be very concerned. His attitude could be “indicative of abusive behavior,” Zeilinger says. “Tolerating abusive behavior, or any behavior which positions your partner as having or deserving more power than you in the relationship, is unacceptable.” You should break up with someone like this or speak to a school counselor if you don’t feel able to do it alone.

The situation: He treats you as inferior

There is a clear difference between a nice guy who speaks without a filter and someone who obviously thinks of you as inferior. Karina Reddy, a recent graduate from Boston University, was once seeing a guy who asked her to come hang out with his friends because she made him “look good” – a comment that makes us grind our teeth. “I felt objectified, and it made me feel, along with other things he'd said, that he thought women were there to sit next to him looking pretty to impress his friends,” Karina says.

You do not deserve to – and should never – accept any kind of patronizing, belittling or objectification. If your gender changes the way someone treats you, then that person is not one you want in your life.

How to deal

Some things can be tolerated, but lack of respect is not one of them. “As long as your boyfriend or male friend clearly respects you as an individual, cares about what you think and treats you with kindness, then it may be okay to take some tough behavior or macho joking with a grain of salt,” Zeilinger says.

As in the case of double standards, “it’s unacceptable if it’s not clear to you that this person [respects] you,” Zeilinger says. “If your boyfriend treats you like [his] property and makes it clear that [he’s] in control and [is] more important in some way, then that is a clear indicator that your relationship is unhealthy.” Here too, you should get yourself out of this potentially dangerous situation or seek out help to do so.

So many people misunderstand the essence of feminism, but the vast majority of them can be swayed by a proper explanation, including your boyfriend. If he’s smart, he’ll understand the relevance of this theory. If he cares about you, he’ll embrace your value system and respect you all the more for it. But if he insists on keeping up his sexist ways, it’s probably time to let him go (and dodge a bullet). Good luck, collegiettes!

It’s the most romantic day of the year…until you end up basically sitting in the lap of the couple next to you at an exorbitantly expensive Valentine’s Day dinner, wondering if the gift you got your boyfriend was too much or not enough.  We have all fallen prey to Valentine’s Day snafus (don’t even get us started on Valentine’s Day 2006)—from lingerie mishaps to dining disasters. This year, to keep you embracing candy hearts and pink cupids, Her Campus has compiled 20 cute things you can do with or for your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. What are the most unique and romantic ways to celebrate? What does your boyfriend really want? How can you spice up the day without stressing out? We have you covered.

1. Be a snow bunny

I know, I know, we’re all tired of freezing every time we step outside and slipping on ice when we walk to class. But few things are as romantic as playing in the snow with your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Channel your inner 10-year-old and head outside for a snowball fight and snow angels—we're sure your man will be happy to keep you warm.

2. Dress the part

The easiest way to spread Valentine’s cheer is to go elementary school and wear pink and red. Meet your boyfriend for a day date in fitted jeans and a pink top or sport a red mini for your night together. For after hours, try Victoria’s Secret Valentine’s-themed lingerie.

3. Give a gift that keeps giving

As we searched for the perfect gift for our boyfriends last Valentine’s Day, we knew that guys love two things: beer and lots of beer. It was with this information that we stumbled upon Amazing Clubs. Amazing Clubs is a website that lets you send a 6-pack of gourmet beer to your boyfriend every month for as many months as you choose. If beer is too pricey you can also order coffee, BBQ sauce or ice cream. 

4. Go ice-skating 

The HC team’s number one recommendation for a perfect Valentine’s date is ice-skating.  If romantic comedies have taught us anything, it is that skating rinks breed romance. So go have yourself a Serendipity moment and spend the day ice-skating with your BF—don’t forget the cocoa!  

5. (Or skinny dipping) 

If ice skating is too tame and your school is in a sunny place, many HCers recommend nighttime skinny-dipping. Seriously, not much is hotter than a steamy late night swim. Just be careful please, getting caught trespassing might kill the mood. 

6. Buy him tickets to a sports event

If you want all of his friends to be saying “you seriously have the best girlfriend ever, ” tickets to his favorite sporting event are the way to go. Not only will you make his night and show that you’re into his interests, but you’ll also get to share something special to him, together, and what’s better than that? StubHub is a great place to look for discounted tickets. 

7. Dinner in bed

Going out for Valentine’s Day dinner is a tradition that needs to go. Unless you’re Posh and Becks the service is bound to be terrible, the menu limited, and the prices steep. Instead, try ordering in from a favorite restaurant and eating the meal in bed. Spend the night relaxing over good food and cozy company instead of cramped with strangers.

8. Indoor picnic 

Harvard collegiette Olivia Ford suggests taking the dinner in bed idea even further with an indoor picnic.  To decorate your space, string white Christmas lights around the room, buy some picnic-y snacks, pop the champagne and set up a blanket and pillows for you and your boy to sit on. Oh, and don’t forget to ask your roommates for some alone time!

9. Cook it!

Strawberry bellinis, chicken parmesan, spaghetti and chocolate mousse—nothing will make your man swoon more quickly than a delicious Valentine’s meal. If you are feeling ambitious and extra sweet, cooking dinner for your boyfriend is the way to go. If you are an all-star in the kitchen, check out The Food Network’s Valentine’s Day food and dessert recipes. However, if you’re like most of us and cooking a full gourmet meal is not a possibility, look at ifood’s simple recipes like heart-shaped pizza. Also, if your boyfriend is up for it, cook dinner together—it will be surprisingly sexy to see your guy move around the kitchen.

10. A classic card

Whether you’ve been dating for a while and want to tell him how you feel or haven’t been dating long at all but want to show you care, a card goes a long way.  Get out the construction paper, doilies and stamps and get artsy. For amazing card ideas, check out Martha Stewart’s card projects. When it comes to writing, a cute poem or heartfelt message is always a hit. 

11. Set a budget and make it fun

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day can get pricey.  Instead of stressing about buying an expensive gift, set a budget with your guy and get creative. For 10 dollars you could buy a cheesy V-day themed stuffed animal, bake cupcakes or better yet purchase massage oil to really make his night.

12. Head to Victoria’s Secret

To ensure a smile on his face this V-day, the HC team recommends wearing hot underwear that he has never seen before. Let’s be real, what makes him happier or you feel sexier than a new lacy bra? OUr bra pick is VS’s Unlined Demi Bra because it provides a lot of lift (and padding!) but still looks flirty.

13. Take him down memory lane

Even though Valentine’s Day is about celebrating the moment, there’s no better day to reflect on what makes you so happy with your man in the first place. A great way to celebrate your relationship is to make a scrapbook—look through old pictures, find cute stickers and paper and then channel your inner Warhol. If making a full scrapbook is too time-consuming, make a collage card or mini scrapbook.

14. Splurge on a hotel room

If you are willing to splurge on a gift, why not get away from roommates and sharing twin beds (no matter how much you love sleeping right next to your boyfriend!). Sometimes, the best way to get in the mood is to invest in a change of space. Spend the night ordering room service, cuddling in a big bed, and taking bubble baths…what could be better than that?

15. Coupon book

It’s true, coupon books are hardly a new concept, but what guy doesn’t want his Valentine’s gift to last all year?  Make him a coupon book for things like fresh-baked cupcakes, a movie night or a massage—and feel free to spice it up!

16. Get drunk! (just kidding)

While getting drunk on V-day is probably not the best idea, making Valentine’s Day-themed cocktails with your boyfriend is a fun and festive way to celebrate the day. Make each other drinks post-dinner; after all, ending Valentine’s Day with a homemade Be Mine Mojito doesn’t get much better. If you’re under 21, check out these awesome mocktail recipes! 

17. Be appreciative

I know, we can all get a little carried away with a Valentine’s Day fantasy. But even if you spent the past three weeks dreaming of sailing on a yacht with your boyfriend or opening a Tiffany’s box, be appreciative if he gives you a teddy bear. I’m not talking being understanding if he forgets the day altogether, but V-Day can be a little stressful for everyone, so make sure to acknowledge the effort he makes—you will have more fun and he’ll be thankful to have such an appreciative girlfriend!

Waking up to a mushy good-morning text from your SO and spending hours on end together are special, but sometimes these relationship perks don’t stand a chance against the ones that come with flying solo. Here are nine times when you’re actually really happy to not have an SO.

1. When there’s a cutie in your class.

Ready, set, mingle.

2. When you have a really specific craving for Chinese food for dinner.

You don’t need to make sure your SO would be down for General Tso’s chicken—no one’s taste buds matter but yours.

3. When you don’t feel like shaving for a few days (or weeks).

Letting your hair grow everywhere is the definition of happiness.

4. When you unleash your PMS monster.

Sorry not sorry.

5. When you want to break out your collection of chick flicks.

And embrace your ugly-cry face until the wee hours of the morning.

6. When you don’t have to worry about bad breath.

A make-out sesh is nowhere in your near future, but eating a cheeseburger with onions definitely is.

7. When your girls’ night goes way past curfew.

Phone off; dancing pants on.

8. When you go on an eight-hour shopping spree and no man is there complaining.

It’s all in a day’s work.

9. When you don’t have to share the pizza you ordered with anyone.

Plus the pint of ice cream you plan to devour afterwards.

When you’re crushing hard on that cutie you met a party last week, no one can blame you for doing a little bit of Facebook-stalking. Maybe you just want to get another glimpse of his face or giggle at those awkward pics she took in middle school. Or maybe, like a lot of us, you’d like to know what kind of person your crush is before you get in too deep.

Your crush’s Facebook profile can tell you a lot more than whether or not he or she ever had braces. Social media identities aren’t always what they seem: There are all kinds of red flags that can pop up on Facebook, from your crush’s choice in profile pic to his or her “About” section. We’ve gathered some warning signs to look out for on Facebook so that you can tell right away whether or not your crush is even worth crushing on to begin with.

1. The questionable profile pic trend

Sure, you shouldn’t judge a book solely by its cover, but your crush’s profile pic is the image he or she is putting out for the world to see, so it does mean something.

When you’re checking out your crush’s past profile pics, look for trends. One selfie might let you know that your crush happened to look great in a selfie one day. But five selfies in a row? And what about that guy who’s always posing with different women?

Jasbina Ahluwalia, dating coach and founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina, says that certain profile pic trends can let you know if you and your crush are compatible.

“Too many selfies can indicate self-absorption,” Ahluwalia says, “and lots of different women could indicate he's a serial monogamist to the extreme (or player with a ‘flavor of the month’ attitude towards relationships).”

On the other hand, if your crush’s profile pics are all of, say, cars, you need to be ready to talk about hot rides without getting bored. If that’s not your thing, it’s probably best to look for romance somewhere else.

2. Tons of party pics

These are the photos that make you cringe. Sure, most of us have had some crazy nights, but if the only photos your crush is tagged in are ones that would make your mother think twice about inviting him or her to dinner, this could be a major red flag.

These pictures can indicate that his or her lifestyle is “not consistent with a serious long-term relationship and/or a lack of discretion or self-awareness,” Ahluwalia says.

Of course, pursuing this crush comes down to figuring out how much you’d like to party in your relationship. Joe Tracy, publisher of Online Dating Magazine, says that one picture can send multiple messages. According to Tracy, reading the captions and comments on these photos can help you sort the fun guys from the duds.

“Comments like, ‘You were a lot of fun as usual’ could indicate the person has a fun/social personality,” Tracy says. “But comments like, ‘Looks like that beer got the best of you again’ or, ‘You got wasted last night’ could indicate that the person feels they have to drink to loosen up all the time, which could be a red flag.”

But even if you’re interested in getting with a wild partier and having some crazy weekends, you should still be wary of anyone whose profile is littered with these kinds of photos. Party pics show a disregard for a put-together professional and personal image.

(If you think this red flag sounds like your own profile, you should probably figure out if your Facebook page is hurting your chances with your crush!)

3. Obnoxious status updates (and plenty of them!)

If your crush is the kind of person you would have unfriended if he or she didn’t have a gorgeous face, that’s a red flag. You know that Facebook friend we’re talking about: the one who posts several status updates a day about unimportant things, or the one who’s just out to get attention. These might be vague posts attacking other people (“Some people just need to get over themselves”), boasts about his or her achievements or simply countless mundane opinions about anything and everything under the sun.

Other than simply being annoying and the worst, these serial status updates can clue you in to what’s going on behind the scenes. Ahluwalia says that you should watch out for your crush’s volume and frequency of updates. “If he's constantly giving status updates, [that] may indicate self-absorption or just way too much time on his hands,” Ahluwalia says.

Tracy says that the content of these updates can be another red flag.

“One thing to look out for is how ‘personal’ the posts are on the person’s timeline,” Tracy says. “A person always talking about others is an indication that your time with that person may be ‘digitally documented’ should you ever get together. Even more important is to see what they say about past friends/lovers, because you could end up being one.”

4.  Endless Facebook game updates

Speaking of annoying updates, watch out if most of your crush’s notifications involve Facebook games such as FarmVille and Mafia Wars.

“If a vast majority of his updates involve virtual games, it is possible his social skills in the real world may be less developed,” Ahluwalia says.

Other than likely sending his or her friends way too many invitations to play, a crush who plays a lot of these games might also turn out to be a procrastinator or someone who just doesn’t have much going on.

“When a person’s timeline is full of nothing but game updates, that could be a sign that the person is using games to escape the reality of life or has an issue with game addiction,” Tracy says.

But, hey, it’s possible that one girl’s “game addiction” is another girl’s idea of a good time. If this red flag doesn’t seem like a total deal-breaker to you, you can use these game updates to learn even more about your crush.

“If you want to get to know them better, then signing up for the same games they post updates on can be a clever move,” Tracy says.

5. TMI in the “About” section

Facebook has made it easier than ever to tell people about yourself. Where you live, where you work, your religion, your sexual orientation — it’s all there. But that doesn’t mean that you have to (or should) fill out every single bit of information about yourself.

According to Ahluwalia, if your crush’s “About” section is “extra-long and filled to the brim with personal details, [then] that may indicate that he has limited sense of discretion or privacy.” This kind of crush could be more likely to kiss and tell or reveal more about your relationship (if you ever get that far).

According to Tracy, it’s also important to look at the types of details your crush includes in his or her description.  “A long, personal description of self-achievements could be an indication that they are self-absorbed,” Tracy says. “A positive and humble description could be an indication that they value life and others.”

On the other hand, it’s always possible your crush hasn’t remembered to update his or her “About” section since high school.  Still, these personal details express how your crush portrays him or herself, so it’s good to keep them in mind. 

We all know how tempting it is to Facebook-stalk your crush. And if you’re going to do it, you might as well put that stalking to good use. You can get some clues now to help you figure out whether or not you and your crush will be a good match (or if your crush is actually complete jerk!).

Be on the lookout for extremes, but don’t judge too harshly from one or two Facebook faux pas—you could end up overthinking things and ruining your chances with your crush. Also, even if you can’t find any of these red flags just from a Facebook profile, Her Campus has plenty of tips for how to spot the jerks later in the game!

So your love life is starting to turn sour. Hey, it happens—don’t rely on Nicholas Sparks for an accurate depiction of romance. But although things may be going haywire, you don’t have to give up just yet. Here are five signs you’re damaging your own relationship as well as how to fix it!

1. You don’t trust him around other girls

Unless he’s given you a reason not to trust him around females (in which case, you’re probably better off without him anyways), you need to chill, girl. Jealousy is just a petty and unattractive emotion—it makes you look insecure, and who wants to be with someone who’s not comfortable with herself?

If you’re having trouble trusting your guy, it could be because you were hurt in a past relationship. “Many women carry baggage from previous relationships,” says Adam LoDolce, dating coach and founder of Sexy Confidence. “In other words, they've been cheated on in the past, so they assume it will happen again.”

Bringing your old relationship issues into this one isn’t fair to your current guy. “The hard part is not letting past grievances be heaped on someone who had nothing to do with your old stuff,” says dating coach Margie Burciaga. Try to let go of your past and give this relationship a chance. Not every guy has bad intentions.

2. You’re constantly on his case

“PLEASE don’t leave your toothbrush on the counter, how many times have I asked you?”
“Babe, you’ve worn that hoodie three days in a row now.”
“Can you not put your shoes in the middle of the floor? We’ve been over this.”
“Don’t you have homework you should be doing?”

OMG GIRL, STOP IT. Nobody likes to be nagged! “Nagging him doesn't enhance special feelings about you, it makes him feel inadequate,” says online dating expert Gina Stewart. “Who wants to be with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves?”

Remember when your mom used to bug you about cleaning your room or getting your homework done or picking up after yourself, and you felt annoyed? You’re being his mom now—and he doesn’t like it. He wants a girlfriend, not an extra mommy. So relax.

If something is really bugging you, bring it up nicely and with a smile. “State what you want and why it’s important, then give space for an answer and take what he says at face value, along with listening to what he says,” Burciaga says. “Men generally tell you exactly where they are coming from.”

3. You always want to hang out with him

When you find someone really cool, sometimes we ladies have a tendency to get—well, dependent, to put it nicely. If you find yourself getting furious when he turns down your near-frantic “Can we hang out?” inquiries, then you know you’ve crossed over to clingy.

“When a woman is too clingy and expecting to get all of her excitement and validation from constantly being with her man, it slowly chokes the life out of the relationship,” says Marla Martenson, a matchmaker, author and motivational speaker.

The truth is harsh, but it’s this: nothing will make a guy ditch you faster than your overbearingness. Who likes to feel smothered? That’s right—no one. So try to back off a little.

“Not giving him space—this is a result of not having your own friends and life,” LoDolce says. “He won't want a life with you unless you have a life without him. Pursue a passion, get a hobby, grab drinks with your girlfriends.”

4. You overanalyze everything

How many times have you read a text over and over, trying to decipher exactly what it meant? Or maybe you’ve replayed a scene in your head a thousand times, trying to break it down further and further. You worry and obsess about every little thing he says or does—and that’s not healthy.

“Guys are generally pretty straightforward–they tell it like it is,” says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of eFlirt Expert. “There is no reading between the lines. But women overanalyze everything and often think there is a greater meaning to everything he says. Ultimately, overanalyzing can push him away entirely.”

So, what’s the solution? Actually talking to your guy rather than stressing over what you think he might have meant. “Open communication is always best, so if you’re ever unsure of what he means when he says something, ask!” Davis says.

5. Your expectations are too high

Are you one of those girls who have lengthy lists of every quality their ideal man must possess? “In budding relationships, I often observe women building up a guy or a relationship up before it’s really anything tangible,” says Davis. “But when you do this, he will never live up to your expectations. Fantasies are not reality.”

So take a breather and burn that list, because finding a man without flaws is impractical. Love isn’t always like your fave romance movie; in fact, it’s usually not.

Also, don’t get ahead of yourself (i.e., don’t start asking him about what kind of father he’d be on the fourth date). “Keep two feet planted on the ground,” Davis says. “It’s okay to think about him, but try to reminisce over something he said or did on your last date rather than imagining what it will feel like to walk down the aisle together.”

If you’re engaging in any of the above behaviors, your relationship could be in trouble. But listening to the advice of these experts should make fixing your problems relatively easy! Channel your inner superwoman and be proactive about your problems. After all, this relationship may just be worth saving.

Forget the conventional “Heart U 2” V-day cards. Relationships are never that simple, so it’s about time someone made cards to fit our unique romantic and platonic situations. These cards aren't the most tactful, but they'd certainly get the point across. You can say goodbye to mixed signals once Hallmark makes these 11 brutally honest Valentine's Day cards.

1. For guys who can’t take a hint

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry to say I’m not into you.”

2. For guys in the friend zone

“I value our FRIENDship so much. You are like a brother to me because I care so much about you and I would never kiss you. Happy Valentine’s Day, FRIEND!”

3. For your friend with benefits

“Let’s not make it weird. Today is like any other day of the year. P.S. You’re sexy!”

4. For a boyfriend

"I like you, but I don’t love you… yet. Unless you love me. In that case, I’d have to think about it. I’m glad we agreed on no gifts so early in the relationship, though... Crap, you bought me a gift?!"

5. For your long-term boyfriend

“For Valentine’s Day, I would like a ________________. Please help me out and just tell me what you want. I’m running out of ideas! Thanks babe, love ya!”

6. For a complicated relationship

“Happy Valentine’s Day, or sad Valentine’s Day, depending on how we're doing. I love/hate you!”

7. For the guy friend you want to date

"Have a happy Valentine’s Day and make a move on me already—or just the first thing I said, if the second thing weirded you out. Can we still be friends (or more)?"

8. For your ex

"Remember when you planned that super romantic date for me last year? I don't either. Have a mediocre every day."

9. For your best girl friends who are taken

“</3 Your boyfriend is all right... as long as he realizes you’re actually mine.”

10. For your best girl friends who are single

“Can we be crazy cat ladies together? <3, your purrrfect match”

11. For your single self

"Happy Singles Awareness Day, you strong, independent woman! Take the money you aren't spending on a significant other and buy yourself something chocolatey or sparkly. You're welcome."

We’ve all heard our fair share of horror stories from Tinder. Who knew there were far more – and far creepier — dating apps out there? Take a look at these creepy, crazy and just plain odd apps, all aimed at finding you Mr. or Ms. Right (but in the weirdest ways possible).

1. On the Rebound 

On the Rebound is a great dating app to try if you consider a super stalker-y program that analyzes your Facebook friends’ dating history to be an organic way of meeting your next love interest.

Using a systematic method of data searching, this app will give you the best time to ask out your Facebook friend by investigating up to six years of his or her dating record (that is, if they made their relationships FBO). The app then provides a statistical overview of your friend’s relationships (such as how long your friend and his or her ex-SO dated for, how long until the friend dated again, etc.) and can suggest “Rebound Ratings” and when would be best for you to ask the friend out.

This app does promise to stalk the eye candy you’ve been checking out (which, yes, is something we would be doing anyway), but still, it’s kind of creepy to have to use an app to tell you when he or she is going to be looking for a rebound. (Don’t forget, that rebound is you. Knowing the perfect time to hit him or her up doesn’t sound so great now, does it?) But hey, at least the app has one thing going for them: Their promising catchphrase that they “never post on your Facebook wall… ever.”

Oh, and according to their website, they politely ask that if the app does “help you get laid,” please let them know by sending them an email. Classy.

2. Flavor Connect

Gone are the days when people connected over similar interests, passions and hobbies. Now, we are apparently expected to find love based on our… candy flavor? If you want finding your next hook-up to be based on the sweet, sweet flavors of lemon or vanilla (which we don’t recommend), then check out Flavor Connect.

With a simple sign-up requiring an email and a questionnaire that requires you to describe your body type (choices range from “average” to “a few extra pounds”), this app will help you find your “flavor of love” based on what kind of relationship you’re looking for. Like the idea of a fantasy relationship? Chocolate is your flavor! Not in the mood for anything serious? Well, in that case, you must be strawberry. Looking for a friendly relationship? You must be lemon! Sit back and relax while Flavor Connect finds you a similar-tasting SO!

3. Luxy

Who wouldn’t want to try out a dating app that describes itself as “Tinder, minus the poor people”?  Luxy, the app for the wealthy and beautiful, provides an exclusive channel in which to connect people of a certain income and status level to meet each other. According to Luxy, their clientele includes CEOs, celebrities, athletes and doctors. This app will help to connect you with other wealthy individuals based on the brands you display on your profile page (think BMW, Rolex and Chanel) and through a private messaging system on the app (however, you can only send a message if both parties “like” each other, and, according to the app, there are “no undesirable contacts” allowed). And, if you are a “con artist” or “compulsive liar” who managed to circumvent Luxy’s specific requirements for access to the app, then be warned: They will weed you out. 

So if you have an average income of at least $250,000, are in the top 1 percent or wouldn’t mind going through an income verification process (the app reports that this feature is currently the next feature to be implemented), then check out Luxy (or, you know, just... don’t).

4. Cuddlr

Ever just want to cuddle? This is the question posed by Cuddlr, the app that will give you walking directions to your nearest buddy for a quick... well, cuddle.

This app will provide you with the first name, picture and past cuddling reviews of other willing cuddlrs near you. If both parties agree to cuddle, you can write a short message (to trade info, presumably) and then follow the real-time map directions to the other’s location. Rate the cuddle after or share a picture of how snuggly you two got!

Sure, this app’s pitch is a lot more fun sounding than On the Rebound or even Tinder, and yes, a low-key snuggle here or there does sound enticing, but really? Indulging your desires for meaningless cuddles with total randos? Not only does this sound like a psycho horror story waiting to happen (getting the, “Hey, wanna come to my apartment for a cuddle?” message from a total stranger doesn’t exactly sound safe), but we doubt it will help you find your next SO either. Single you plus meaningless cuddles equals feeling even more lost and alone afterwards.

5. Carrot Dating

Forget dating the old-fashioned, organic way. Why not bribe your way to a date?

The app Carrot Dating encourages you to dangle the right carrot in front of a person you’re interested in by attempting to bribe him or her with something that will land you a date.  Flowers? A fun-filled, awesome afternoon? These might not seem so bad. But jewelry? Money? A tattoo? Enter the weirdness.

This app requires a simple email-based signup and asks a few demographic questions. After that, feel free to find out what people are willing to exchange for a date with you (or, again… don’t). 

Carrot Dating comes from the creator of other just as creepy-sounding web ventures including SeekingArrangment.com (described on Carrot Dating as “the leading sugar daddy dating website”), WhatsYourPrice.com and SeekingMillionaire.com (both pretty self-explanatory... and equally as creepy).

6. InstaDo

Invite that Facebook friend you’ve been eyeing lately out on a date through the InstaDo app. Or, as the app’s name suggests, simply invite him or her to “Do It” with you. Whether you ask your friend for a date or a do, your private Facebook notification invitation remains a secret until the person replies with his or her suggestion of date activity, like going to a movie, a nice dinner or simply out for coffee; the app will then suggest the most PG-13 of the two. Facebook chat will automatically open so that you can plan your date or do! Creepy? Yes. A little forward? Absolutely. But hey, to each their own.

7.  Revealr

The idea behind dating app Revealr actually sounds like a good idea in theory: becoming interested in someone based on something other than his or her looks.

How do you do this? Sign up for a dating app that doesn’t let you see the photo of the person until you determine whether you are actually interested. Revealr helps you determine this by prompting you to listen to a 20-second clip of the person’s voice. If the audio clip interests you, then swipe right. The pixelated image of the person that accompanies the audio clip will become clear if the person is also mutually interested in you. 

While not as creepy as the above dating apps, Revealr is just one more of those rather odd dating apps that we’re surprised actually exists.

While Tinder continues to dominate in the mobile-app dating/hook-up scene, sometimes it’s easy to forget that there are a lot of other, far weirder apps out there that people actually use. From dangling carrots to pressure-free cuddles, there are apparently a lot more ways to start a relationship these days (none of which we suggest).

Hopeless romantics and cynics alike, gather ‘round: let’s pretend for a second that everything we know about soul mates we’ve learned from television.

Lesson number one: They undoubtedly exist. There was never any doubt that Rachel would get off the plane for Ross or that Sabrina would ride off on the back of Harvey’s motorcycle. And of course, Cory and Topanga lasted long enough to spawn two children and a spin-off. Every show has its golden couple, and no matter what plot twist comes their way, they’ll be rightfully together by that series finale because they were always endgame.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Translate that concept into real life, and suddenly things get complicated. Some of us would love to believe that if our lives were TV shows, there would be someone out there we were meant to be with. But do real relationships actually work that way? Sometimes it’s hard to believe that “the one” could be waiting for you in your boring econ class or at the next frat party. So whether you believe soul mates are inevitable or an urban legend, Her Campus has everything you need to know about them. Swoon or scoff—it’s your choice! 

To believe or not to believe in soul mates

Spoiler alert: Ultimately, everything about the soul mate debate is up to you. Only you can decide whether they exist, how to define them or whether to call that person your soul mate, “the one” or even your lobster (sick of our Friends references yet?).

But just in case you’re still on the fence, check out these compelling opinions from fellow collegiettes that you might just be tempted to adopt.

“I totally believe in soul mates!” says Heather Baldock, a senior at the University of Oregon. “I think first you just have to love yourself and where you are in life… once you stop looking for guys and worrying about being single and instead focus on loving yourself, then you'll find the perfect person for you.”

Northwestern University graduate Iris*, on the other hand, doesn’t believe relationships are the package deal that famous TV and movie couples would have us believe.

“I think ‘soul mate’ is a concept perpetuated by the marketplace; an attractive ideal that keeps the masses attending chick flicks and paying for prime exposure on dating sites,” she says. “And frankly, I'd rather fall in love on my own terms than on the terms Hollywood scripts for me.”

For those of you who don’t feel like picking a side, don’t worry: middle ground is always possible, especially when it comes to something like soul mates.

“I'm not sure I believe in soul mates exactly,” says Samantha Galasso, a graduate of Villanova University. “I think certain people are more compatible than others, but I think every relationship you have—past, present and future—all bring something to the table, and just because they're not the person you spend the rest of your life with doesn't mean the time you spent with them is any less valuable.”

What does a soul mate look like in real life?

Putting the existential debate of soul mates on hold for a sec, what does a soul mate look like outside of a Hallmark card, anyway? We might not have all the answers, but we do have our love expert, our Real Live College Guy and a few lucky collegiettes to tell you their versions of the story.

Certified dating coach Marla Martenson, who wrote Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting and several other books on dating and romance, has a sweet and simple go-to definition. “My definition of a soul mate is someone that makes life sweeter and fun to go through with,” she says. “A soul mate can often challenge us to a higher standard, teach us patience and lead us to unconditional love.”

And of course, no discussion of soul mates is complete without the standard similes.

“I think that people are like puzzle pieces, and that some people are better fits for each other than others,” says Shira Kipnees, a senior at Franklin & Marshall. “My grandmother has a saying that every pot has a lid, and I think that is true as well. Everyone has someone out there who can make them even better or make them even happier.”

Sometimes, signs that your significant other is “the one” might come at times when you’re thinking about anything but your relationship.

“I knew I found that special someone when I had a major family crisis during my freshman year of college after only a little over a year of [us] dating, and [he] made sure everything would be okay,” Shira says. “Considering the fact that most guys would probably be unable to tolerate crying or even a lot of emotions, or offer to let me call at any time if I felt sad, I knew I had a keeper.”

Other times, unlike on television, “the one” might not even be just one person at all.

“I very firmly believe in finding someone to love wholly and completely for a long time—preferably a lifetime—but I also understand that one's wants and needs change as time progresses,” says HC’s Real Live College Guy, Dale. “I think it's entirely possible to have more than one soul mate in a lifetime, depending on where you stand at any given point in life.”

Have you found “The One”? Know the signs

While there are definitely facets of soul mates that are indefinable, how about some concrete tips for telling that he or she might be “the one”? There might be a million ways unique to your relationship, but Martenson has five good places to start:

1. “He uses the word ‘we’ in conversation, and is planning on including you in his future.”
2. “He ‘gets’ you and loves getting to know you and loves you for you.”
3. “His values align with yours.”
4. “He makes you want to be a better person and vice versa.”
5. “You can be yourself with him. There’s a comfort level like coming home with him.”

The problem with soul mates

Stop right there! Is all of the above a bit too sweet for your taste? No worries… we know that the concept of soul mates has its dark side, too. “Our perception of a soul mate is often based on movies, television, books and fairy tales,” Martenson says. “The problem often arises because romantic love often falls short of that ideal.”

Even if you’re not sitting around waiting for your Prince Charming, committing to the idea that there is only one person out there for you can potentially lead to trouble.

Or, according to Iris, at least some extreme pickiness.

“I'll never love anyone the same way I loved my boyfriend when I was 15… and then I went on to love other guys and have more mature relationships,” she says. “And if I had been holding out for my perfect man—who is somewhere between Adam Brody and Neil Patrick Harris, so hey to all the guys out there—I probably never would have dated any of them.”

Our advice to not letting your belief in soul mates lead to your romantic downfall: If you’re into “the one,” don’t give up on it—just avoid coming up with a SparkNotes version of your perfect partner, because having too high of standards may mean you never take the time to crack open the right book. 

Remember, you come first

Think of it this way: if you want to think of soul mates as two pieces of a puzzle, know that you won’t be able to fit with anyone until you have defined the shape of your own piece. Or, if you’re tired of metaphors: concentrate on your own life and self-fulfillment, and things will fall into place.

“I would advise college women to first work on themselves before searching for a soul mate,” Martenson says. “Getting in touch with who they really are and loving themselves first will out them into a position to make better choices in dating and selecting a partner.”

And who knows? Maybe your soul mate will arrive in a completely different package than you expected. Maybe he’ll be a Chandler instead of a Ross. Or maybe you’ll follow the words of wisdom of Sex and the City’s Charlotte, who suggested to her friends, "Maybe we could be each other's soul mates, and then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with." Maybe you’ll find three soul mates, or maybe you’ll discover you don’t want to find one at all.

Sure, that’s a lot of maybes, but like we said, our lives don’t have a series finale that dictates our endgames—that’s all up to you.  

*Name has been changed.

You’ve been listening to Adele on repeat, crying into your (third) glass of wine and eating your feelings with Ben & Jerry. Any collegiette knows that these are the telltale signs of a recent breakup.

Although wallowing is an important part of grieving a relationship, there’s a point when you realize that you have to move on. The only problem? It’s easier said than done. And while you’ve heard of the term “closure,” you’re not quite sure what it means or even how to get it. Well, fortunately for you, HC has asked the experts on what closure is, how you can get it and why it’s so important to move on. So turn off the Adele and read on!

What is closure?

According to Jeffrey Sumber, a licensed professional clinical counselor, closure is, “a mutually agreed upon experience where both people leave with resolution or peace. Both parties can walk away with a sense of finality.”

In a breakup, closure is when you and your ex accept that your relationship is over and you both feel a sense of resolution. Even if you or your ex felt more strongly about ending your relationship, Sumber says that you can still gain closure. “It’s possible to end [a relationship] with understanding and kindness…You can walk away and not leave a door open,” he says. “It allows you to heal quicker.”

It’s important to note that closure doesn’t necessarily means that you’re ready to date again, but rather that you’ve closed the chapter on your past relationship and are ready to move forward. It’s an important part of getting over an ex and the breakup so you can feel confident starting a new relationship down the road.

How to get it

What worked for your friend might not necessarily work for you, mostly because you had different situations. Similarly, what worked for you in past relationships might not be as helpful now.

“If you don’t move on, you’re unlikely to be emotionally available for a happy and healthy relationship in the future,” says Jasbina Ahluwalia, dating coach and founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina. “View it as a growth and glean anything you learned about yourself and your needs in a relationship.”

Every breakup is different, and the time it takes for you to get closure greatly depends on how the relationship ended and if you’re still talking to your ex. You may need more or less time to heal.

When you’re on speaking terms with your ex

In this scenario, closure can come in the form of a conversation. However, consider taking some time after the breakup before having this type of conversation. “A bit of communication hiatus is recommended, [like a week or two],” says Jodi RR Smith, etiquette consultant and president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “It’s important to process the feelings and emotions [to avoid] a major scene at some later point.”

When you feel ready to have a conversation, contact your ex and decide on a meeting place. Your meeting place should be private enough that you can have an open conversation, yet still public enough that you’re not put in an uncomfortable position. For example, a coffee shop might be a good setting to speak about your relationship; just don’t choose the Starbucks that you know all your friends go to.

“Even consider a walking trail so you can walk and talk,” Smith suggests. “And it should be short; keep it to 45 minutes maximum. Otherwise the conversation could go south quickly and won’t be as productive.”

Sumber also encourages picking a neutral location and to start the conversation on a positive note. “I encourage people to start with by sharing positive feelings. [For example], share with an ex all of their greatest qualities,” he says. “Then, ask permission to speak what could have gone differently or better only if your ex is interested in hearing [and sharing] feedback about the relationship.”

The main goal of speaking with your ex shouldn’t be getting back together, and don’t expect to it automatically cure the post-breakup pain. Rather, the main point of the conversation is to gain perspective on your past relationship and gain some insight for your future ones.

“[To do this], some questions you might want to ask are what [your ex] appreciated about your relationship and what [he/she] felt detracted from your relationship,” Ahluwalia says. “Get their view on how you may have contributed to that detraction [or lack of connection].”

Once you feel like you’ve gained some perspective, end the conversation amicably, maybe give your ex a quick hug and then go your separate ways. “Keep it short and keep it neutral,” Smith says. “Then it’s up to you to take care of yourself and move on.”

By recognizing all the good things you had in your relationship while also identifying what could have gone better, it helps you learn and process the relationship. “We don’t engage in relationships just because they feel good,” Sumber says. “We engage in them to grow as individuals and closure allows us to drive home those learning opportunities.”

When you’re not talking to your ex

For one reason or another, you might not speaking to your ex. While most people think that closure has to include both partners, most experts say that’s not the case. “You cannot rely on an ex to provide closure,” Ahluwalia says. “It’s an inside job.”

The experts suggest doing something active to physically gain closure from a breakup. “Incorporate a tactile, closing ritual that you can’t get in person,” Sumber says. “For example, journal things you would normally say to an ex, or burn a present. You could even bury something… Just make it something tactile.”

You might find it helpful to write a letter to an ex expressing everything you want to say but can’t because of the circumstances and shred it (never mail it!).  Or, you can start working out to physically “sweat out” and get rid of your past relationship.

Ahluwalia even suggests saying all the things you want to say aloud, either to an empty chair or to a friend or family member. “Imagine your ex sitting in an empty chair, and say what you didn’t have a chance to share,” she says. “Or speak to a family member [or a] friend, or consider counseling because counselors can provide objective feedback.”

Lastly, you might find it helpful to change your environment to help you start thinking differently about your breakup. “Changing your environment can help you change your state of mind,” Ahluwalia says. “It can take form in a vacation or even redecorating… Get physical and emotional distance from your ex.” Without constant reminders of them, you can start to focus on yourself and your own needs.

Whether you’re on speaking terms with your ex or not, you can gain closure from a relationship in a healthy way that helps you move on. Try one thing or a combination to find what works best for you!

What closure feels like

So you know what closure means and have taken all the right steps toward it, but how do you know when you’ve actually moved on?  Most experts say that you will feel a sense of freedom and acceptance.

“[You] can feel like the weight of emotional baggage has been taken off your shoulders,” Ahluwalia says. “Or [you won’t] have strong feelings or attachment to your ex. It’s freeing.”

Similarly, Smith explains that an ex will always have a place in your heart, but you start to feel more normal again. “You won’t always be bursting into tears or falling to pieces when something reminds you [of your ex],” she says. “You’ll be having more fun and functioning normally. And one day you might wake up and realize that if an ex doesn’t see how fabulous you are, then [he or she] is not worth it.”

Of course, there will be times that you miss your ex and even get upset over your breakup in the weeks or months afterwards. But eventually those intense feelings fade and you start to feel happy again.

Moving on takes time. You might have some good days and some not-so-good ones – it’s all part of the process. “It’s important to allow yourself time to grieve,” Sumber says. “But then it’s important to move on, because you have to grow. Process the past as fertilizer for your future.”

By accepting that you and your ex did the best you could in the relationship and viewing it as a learning experience, you can move on fully and get rid of any emotional baggage before your next relationship.

“It’s important to move on, because you’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you,” Smith says. “It is possible to be alone without being lonely. Enjoy being by yourself, and you’ll know when you are ready to date again.”

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, collegiettes, and you’re probably getting pretty excited—if you have a date, that is. But for you single collegiettes out there, here are a few hilarious e-cards from Someecards.com that probably express how you’re feeling about February 14 better than your standard Valentine's day card would.

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At least you'll always have Someecards, right? Now that's true love.

Imagine this: You meet a cute guy. After talking to him and getting to know him, you realize how much you really like him. How do you make him aware of your feelings without coming out and saying, “I like you”? Dropping hints could be the best way of showing how you feel before you consider asking him out.

You want to set yourself apart from the rest of his girl friends and make sure you don’t fall quickly into the friend zone when hanging out. Show him how you feel with these easy ideas!

1.Send a “good luck” text

We all know how stressful a huge exam can be and how sweet it is to have someone wish you good luck. A good way to get you on his mind early on is shooting him a “Good luck today!” text before a test. It’s a small but effective way of showing you care about him.

“The easiest way I can let a guy know I’m thinking about him is showing that I care about the small stuff,” says Christina Lin, a junior at Providence College. “Even if we don’t text throughout the day, letting him know he’s on my mind in such a subtle way is always a good idea.”

A bonus to texting him is that it sets up opportunity later on for him to text you about how the exam went. It may seem like a small step, but it’s significant enough to slowly get you closer to him.

2. Deliver his favorite coffee order to the library

If at some point in a conversation he told you he’s posting up in the library and getting to work, take advantage of this opportunity to further show you care.

In your conversation, text him and ask if he needs some fuel for studying. Take a pit stop at the coffee place on campus and grab both of you something to drink. Drop by the library and tell him you wanted to drop it off before he got to studying all day so you could see him and say, “Hi!”

3. Invite him on a double date

If you’re too nervous to ask him on a one-on-one date yet, use your roommate and her boyfriend as a good excuse to go out. Tell him they want to see that new movie that just came out and they invited you along. You didn’t want to go alone and thought he’d be perfect company to ease the third-wheel pain.

Something casual like an on-campus date or movie is the perfect time to show him you like him. While your roomie and her BF are snuggling in the theater, it gives you two time to be alone without the pressure or nerves of a one-on-one date.

4. Show him your favorite show

Show him your favorite things so you can get to know each other better. Invite him over to watch the first episode of your favorite series with you.

Let him know that because he liked The Walking Dead so much, he’d probably like American Horror Story, too. Combining your interests helps you two bond over something new you two can talk about.

5. Send him a Spotify playlist

There was nothing cuter than making mix CDs for the guy you liked back in high school. Considering not many people do that anymore, a Spotify playlist of songs you think he’d like is the mix CD of 2015!

“I had a major crush on this music buff guy, and we always talked about [what music] we were loving at the moment,” says Shannon Mooney, a junior at the University of New Hampshire. “I told him to listen to my new favorite band and made him a playlist of their album and some other songs like it.”

Assuming you have known him for a while now, you’ve probably talked about your favorite music before. Not only that, but Spotify lets you see what your friends are listening to, so it’ll give you an even better reason to let him know the playlist is something you think he’d be interested in.

It might be hard to figure out if he’s flirting with you, so making a move to show him you’re into him is the way to go. Use these little ways to show that special guy you like him without putting too much pressure on yourself!

You’ve been with your college SO for a while now, possibly since you eyed each other on move-in day. It’s been a good run, but as graduation sneaks up on you (depressing, we know), you may start wondering if your relationship will last after graduation. We talked to Rhonda Ricardo, author of Cherries Over Quicksand, and Scot McKay, dating coach and founder of dating company X & Y Communications, to point out the signs that you should end your college relationship after graduation.

1. You’re in different places in your lives

If your SO won’t give up on frat parties and drinking until he or she pukes, it may be time to end it. The last thing you want is a significant other who’s stuck in college while you’re trying to set foot in the real world.

“If you’re in different years of college (one graduated and other is still there), that’s going to be a long road,” McKay says. “When people graduate from college they move on and have different mindsets.”

There’s no use in postponing your life for someone who isn’t ready to grow up. If your SO is still looking to live off ramen noodles and blow off responsibilities, there won’t be room for your relationship to grow. Find someone who’s in the same mental place as you.

2. It doesn’t feel right

Relationships can sometimes feel off, and this may be a sign that the two of you aren’t meant to be.

“The only way to truly know that something is off or it’s time to move on is to bring up the conversation with your SO,” Ricardo says. “If you or your SO states that they want to break up and pursue brand new career options before committing to a lifetime romance, then you know.”

McKay says that graduating from college can make a relationship feel different. “College relationships are a very specific social situation; you are on campus together,” he says. “Once you get out of the social scenario and get into the real world, the situation is different. You are the same people, but you’re in a different situation, and that can bring awkwardness to the relationship.”

3. You want different things

If you and your SO have different ideas of what life after college will be like, it may be best to move on. It’s not going to work out if your goals aren’t in line.

McKay says that relationships are built around prioritization. “Let’s say both of you are graduating, and one of you is moving to California and one to London,” he says. “You both aren’t prioritizing your relationship. You should admit to each other that your relationship isn’t as important as you think.”

If you truly mean a lot to each other, you can work out the logistics, but finding out what’s best for yourself is the only way to truly tell if you and your SO are meant to be.

4. You don’t see the relationship lasting long-term

If you can’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person, it’s time to end it. After graduation, people start to settle down, so you want to make sure you’re with the right person.

“We should be sure that we do not settle because our family wants us to be married or because we just don’t want to be alone when all of our friends are getting engaged in college,” Ricardo says.

McKay says you must have a vision of a future together if you’re going to be in a relationship after college. “If you’re going to be dating someone after college, you’ve got to be thinking about marrying them, and you have to make sure that’s what you want,” he says. Why put in all the effort if he or she isn’t the one?

Sometimes it simply isn’t meant to be. Life after college is much different than life in college, so your relationships could be different, too. Good luck, collegiettes!

Ever since Lizzie McGuire hopped onto the back of Paolo’s Vespa, we’ve all thought about how great it would be to travel abroad, romance a handsome stranger who has an adorable accent and spend a few weeks exploring another country with our dreamy, foreign fling. Studying abroad is all about exploring new places, trying new things and being spontaneous, so this could be the perfect time to have a casual fling with a hottie who can show you the ropes to this new, foreign lifestyle of yours.

If you’re studying abroad, the prospect of finding love can sound more appealing than ever. The only problem is, you may not know where to look for it. Whether you’re looking for a nonchalant fling or even a serious boyfriend while you’re studying abroad, here’s a little advice for how to make it happen!

Looking for a casual fling?

Whether you’re planning on studying abroad for a few weeks or a few months, it’s inevitable that you’re going to have to go home eventually. That’s why sometimes it’s better to keep your study-abroad romance more on the casual side. This guy won’t be the kind of guy who’s going to introduce you to his parents, but you’ll definitely want to take lots of pictures with him to show off to your friends back home!

“I was studying abroad in Florence, Italy, this past semester and ended up hanging out with this one guy I met at a bar almost the entire time I was there,” says Katie*, a collegiette at the University of San Diego. “I told him upfront that I was only going to be there for a few months, so we decided to keep it super casual and I ended up having a really great time with him! I knew there were no strings attached and I would be leaving soon anyways, so I didn’t feel any pressure to make it work or impress him.”

Hanging out at local bars and clubs is a great way to meet cute local guys. Just make sure he’s not a skeezy local before you decide to make a move and put your flirting skills to the test.

“I would say that most of the locals know where the American college students like to hang out, so they’ll go there to pick up girls,” Katie says. “They know what they’re doing! They’ve done it before. You just have to be okay with the fact that you might not be their first American fling.”

Studying abroad is all about exploring new things and being a little bold, so don’t shy away if a dreamy Italian man asks you to dance or the hot guy from Madrid offers to buy you a drink. One of the most important things about studying abroad is seizing every opportunity that’s thrown your way, and we definitely consider a good-looking guy with a cute accent a worthy opportunity! Just make sure you’re being safe; if a guy is really giving you the creeps, don’t ignore your instincts, and don’t accept a drink you didn’t see the bartender make.

Don’t be afraid to approach a guy and start a conversation or invite someone to dance with you either. Men in other countries are often much more forward when it comes to romancing a pretty lady. While not every suave foreigner you meet will be looking for a lifelong romance, don’t let that stop you. When you keep things casual, you won’t have to deal with painful goodbyes or lingering feelings once you’re back in America. You get a few weeks of carefree fun before it’s time to head back home. No strings attached!

Looking for real romance?

Whether you’re under the Eiffel Tower, admiring the coasts of Greece or salsa dancing in Spain, you can’t help but let the beauty of your surroundings make you feel all lovey-dovey inside. And while the nightlife is one of the best parts about studying abroad, you’ll have a much better chance at a lasting romance if you meet a guy in a more casual setting. Maybe you’ll meet your dream guy at the café around the corner, or maybe he’s waiting for you at the local museum. Exploring the city around you may just lead to you running into someone who could be your next great love.

Taylor, a student at the University of San Diego, may not have found the love she was looking for while studying abroad in Italy, but her best friend sure did!

“My best friend Lindsay* and I were studying abroad in Italy, and the first week we were there, she met this guy while we were exploring Venice,” she says. “We were sitting in a little café reading and he came up and asked her about the book she was holding. I felt like we were in a movie. I was surprised they hit it off so fast, but even more surprised when she told me she was in love with him after the third week of knowing him! I thought she was crazy and that it would fade once we got back home, but it’s been over a year now and they’re still dating!”

There’s no one place you should go when looking for a real romance. The guy of your dreams could be anywhere; you just have to keep an open mind! He could be a street artist in Paris or a waiter at the restaurant you and your friends go to, or you could meet him right after you throw that lucky penny into the Trevi Fountain. When you truly immerse yourself in the culture and make an effort to talk to the people around you, you’re bound to meet at least one worthy love connection.

Learning a little bit of the native language may help you in your endeavors to find your foreign fairy tale as well. If you can converse with the natives in their language, they’ll appreciate it. A language barrier can really hinder a budding romance, so make an effort to learn at least a few words and phrases before you embark on your study-abroad adventure. This could be the perfect excuse to put those years of high school Spanish, French or Italian to the test. Make sure you at least know the word amore!

While finding your one true love in another country sounds super romantic, it’s also important to remember that long-distance relationships can be hard. Before you commit to your super cute Italian/Spanish/Australian/Irish boyfriend, make sure you’ll be willing to put in the effort to make it work once you get back home.

Don’t overlook the cute American!

While you may be stuck in the mindset that your study-abroad fling is going to speak a different language and show you around his city, it’s important to remember that there will be tons of other college guys studying abroad with you, too. The best part is, they’ll get to go back to the States with you when your semester comes to an end!

“I think when you’re studying abroad with other guys from your school, it’s not as big of a deal if you hook up,” Katie says. “Since you’re in another country, you’re a little more carefree and you kind of feel like the rules don’t apply. What happened in Italy stayed in Italy!”

Whether he goes to your school or not, nothing will make you guys bond like attempting to read foreign maps, trying new foods or getting lost in the city. Plus, you won’t have to worry about any language barriers with this guy.

Another plus to dating an American in a foreign country is that they’ll be just as stoked as you are to see all the sites. Your American fling will be just as excited as you are to put a lock on the love bridge in Paris or take pictures pretending to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

“I was on a tour in Rome while I was studying abroad and met this really cute guy in my tour group,” says Natalie, a collegiette from Seattle University. “We really hit it off and I found out that he goes to University of Washington, which is really close to my school! I think everyone hopes to go to another country and meet some hot foreign guy—I know I did—but I never expected to fall for an American while I was in Rome. I guess it’s kind of ironic that I had to go to another country to meet him!”

Don’t be shy if you meet a cute American who you’d like to get to know better. The fact that you’re both immersed in a new culture is the perfect excuse to bond and a great opportunity to invite him to explore the city with you. Invite him to try the cute pizza joint around the corner that everyone has been raving about or to check out a local art gallery with you.

Moral of the story: if you can’t find the Paolo to your Lizzie McGuire, then you can always go searching for Gordo!

Whether you’re looking for a lasting romance or a short-lived fling, a study-abroad romance could be the perfect addition to your foreign adventure. He may be the guy of your dreams or he could just be just a fun story to tell your friends about later––either way, we hope you find a little amour wherever you study abroad!

*Names have been changed.