In many cases, signs of an unhealthy relationship are easy to recognize. However, some signs of a controlling relationship are brushed off as simple cases of jealousy or overprotectiveness. While small doses of jealousy are normal, consistent patterns of jealousy and over possessiveness should not play a part in the day-to-day of a relationship. Here are five possible signs you may encounter if you’re in a controlling relationship.

1. Your SO guilts you when you go out

Wanting to go out and enjoy the company of your friends is completely normal. Everyone deserves to relieve some stress after a long week of school and work. If your SO consistently makes you feel bad for wanting to go out with your friends, that demonstrates a lack of trust and an unhealthy amount of jealousy.

Jamie Long, a sophomore at Coastal Carolina University, says her ex-boyfriend’s excessive guilt caused her to lose a lot of friends. “Even if I let him know who I was going with and where we would be, he would still become irate,” she says. “It came to a point where my friends didn’t ask me to come out with them anymore because they knew my boyfriend would essentially forbid me from going.”

Trust is at the foundation of every healthy relationship. Although sacrifices have to be made on each end of a relationship, giving up your entire social life shouldn’t be one of the sacrifices you are forced to make.

2. Your privacy is consistently being invaded

Being open and honest in a relationship is always beneficial, but you both deserve some degree of privacy. Your partner doesn’t need to know every text exchange between you and your bestie or why you texted another guy or girl asking for notes.

Ximena Maldonado, a freshman at the University of Arizona, believes that it’s unnecessary to go through your SO’s belongings, especially if you haven’t given them a reason to not trust you. “At first it was little behaviors like looking over my shoulder when I was texting,” she says. “However, it progressed to him trying to convince me that he needed to have his thumbprint in my phone. He would always refer to how his ex-girlfriend hurt him, and he just wanted to make sure that didn’t happen again.”

You shouldn’t have to pay for the mistakes of your SO’s exes or be made to feel guilty if you haven’t done anything wrong.

Related: 5 Signs You're In An Unhealthy Relationship

3. Double standards are an issue

Mistakes are bound to be made in a relationship. However, you may find your mistakes are amplified and zeroed in on between you and your SO if they’re controlling. If they were to make the same mistake you do, they are defensive and expect forgiveness.

In addition, if you make a mistake, your SO may not give you a chance to speak or explain yourself. They will already presume you as guilty.

“I was in a relationship where it was not problematic if his female friends texted him, but if I so much as received a Snapchat or text from one of my guy friends, it was WWIII,” Alana Rutherford, a senior at the University of Central Florida, says. “I would be accused of flirting with these guys, even if there was no proof to back up what he was saying.”

If your SO cannot recognize their mistakes, but punishes your for what they think is a mistake, their ego and jealousy may be a toxic mixture to the relationship.

4. They want all of your attention

It’s good to consider your SO your best friend. Depending on your circumstances, maybe you spend the majority of your free time with your SO. On the other hand, it’s definitely not a requirement. If you feel as if you want your space, that shouldn’t be up for debate.

Abbey Williams, a sophomore at the University of Wyoming, recalls her best friend being parented by her boyfriend. “One of my good friends used to get ‘in trouble’ with her boyfriend if she was hanging out with anyone that wasn’t him,” she says. “Even it was her best friend she’s known for years. Everyone should have other friends, hobbies and just time to be with their girls.”

You are entitled to work toward goals and involve yourself in activities that don’t involve your SO. Being the best version of you will only strengthen the relationship as a whole.

5. Your SO belittles your beliefs

Perhaps it’s politics, religion, school or a hobby that you hold close to your heart. A controlling partner may belittle how you feel about certain topics, especially when you have differing opinions on the topic. They want to retain power in the relationship and consistently be considered “right.”

While it’s perfectly acceptable to have differences of opinion and have constructive conversations about these differences, it should never come to a point where your SO makes you feel dumb for believing a certain way.

Kristina*, a junior at Kennesaw State University, endured a relationship where her beliefs were constantly shunned. “I knew from the beginning we had differing political and religious opinions,” she says. “But over time, is became overbearing. He would always brag about having the more logical or smarter opinion and put me down for mine. This caused more problems than necessary, such as arguing instead of having educated conversations.”

Whatever you believe, know that it’s not anyone’s place to judge you for your beliefs.

If you find that many of these signs resonate with you, you may need to take a step back from the relationship. If you partner is unwilling to address these problems with you, that may be another reason to consider if the relationship is beneficial to all parties. You should not lose your sense of independence, nor be under constant fire and surveillance.

*Name has been changed

Double dates are a great way to have fun with other couples, meet new people and set up a less intense playing field if you’re just getting interested in someone. Regardless, you know (and hopefully enjoy) someone in the group, so you’ll have their company to fall back on. If you’re going on a double date with someone you don’t know for a friend, it’s the perfect opportunity to play wingwoman. Having others around takes off some of the pressure, and you will probably have even more fun with a group!

We’ve compiled a list of several go-to double date ideas that are tried and true, as well as some that are a little out there to spice things up! Read on for some great ideas for your next date.

1. Brunch

Everyone (especially millennials) loves brunch. You have the best of all possible worlds—breakfast/lunch food and even alcohol! It’s an energetic environment that forces everyone to act casual and get to know each other.

"I recently went on a double date for brunch and we ended up staying at the restaurant for four hours!” says Autumn Dube, a senior at Emmanuel College. Brunch is easy because it doesn’t have to be that long, but if things are going well, it’s a great opportunity to extend the date, especially since it’s early in the day!

“Our server loved us and we had the best time sharing stories and trying different tapas,” says Autumn. “We ended up staying so long that our server's shift was over and she took rounds of shots with us at the table after. It's definitely a memory I'm happy to have." See? Four is a party!

Related: 7 Classy AF Dates That Won’t Break the Bank

2. Amusement park or carnival

There’s no way an amusement park date can be boring, even if the person you’re paired up with is. There are tons of activities, from rides to games to park food, so if you’re up for a full day, go for it!

Everyone can let out their inner kid at an amusement park, and you’ll get to see if your date is an adrenaline junkie or on the calmer side. There’s a lot you can tell if a person picks the highest-climbing roller coaster there or the easygoing train ride.

Make this double date-friendly by planning a scavenger hunt in the amusement park or carnival. Each couple has to take a piece of a character’s costume, get a picture with someone doing flame tricks, etc.

3. Trivia and other bar games

Bar games are the perfect activity for competitive bonding, and you’ll also get to see your date’s true nature come out when they’re trying to win!

Set up a trivia night or a board game tournament at a local bar, movie theater or at someone’s house or apartment for easygoing fun. Some venues might even have themes—time to whip out that 70s outfit you’ve been putting together forever.

“My best friend from home really wants to set up a double date to Dave & Busters after I turn 21!” says Amanda Goecke, a junior at Carthage College. “Both of our boyfriends are really into video games, and we thought it’d be fun for them to bond over games while we enjoyed drinks.”

Teaming up for games like trivia, pool or other board games that a bar or restaurant might set up is a great test of your compatibility and chemistry with your date, and will give you a good idea of their interests and passions, too. Set up a competition against the other couple you’re out with to really make things interesting! May the best couple win.

4. Picnic

Picnics are adorable. It’s that simple. And no one ever goes on them anymore—you’ll get major originality points. This is a great summer idea, and there’s probably fun events going on at your local parks—cookouts, movie screenings, concerts and more await!

You can also spread out some of the work among a larger group of people. Give everyone an item to bring (food, music, games) so that not one person has to do all the work or coordination.

Consider encouraging people to bring a meaningful dish (an old family recipe, their favorite prepared dish from a local deli) that will get the conversation going among the larger group. You can get a chance to see if your date is any good in the kitchen and demonstrate your skills, too!

Related: Is Dating a Friend Worth the Risk?

5. Mini golf or bowling

These are first date classics. They’re low stakes (unless someone gets aggressively competitive) and shouldn’t be too expensive either. Pretty much anything where teaming up against another couple can happen (lasertag, paintball, etc.) is a good move!

“Four people is enough for a good time, but not too much that it’s crowding the course,” says Jasmine Yadeta, a junior at the University of Victoria. “Also offers a lot of opportunity for flirting, getting a little competitive. Basically the perfect recipe for an amazing time.”

If you’d rather stay in, consider testing your skills at a video game tournament between the two couples. Setting up is easy, just get snacks and your or your date’s favorite games and you’re set.

6. Rollerblading

We know, we know, this is old school (and hard!). But rollerblading, particularly if you or your date isn’t good at it, is a great opportunity for bonding. A plus is having one of those movie-esque moments where one of you holds the other from behind while showing them the correct technique! *wink wink*

You can also set up a race—consider an obstacle course if you’re feeling adventurous—with the other couple on the date. Losers have to take the other couple out to dinner! It works perfectly.

Rollerblading on a date inevitably gives you something to talk about, be it your lack of skill or your memories of the sport if it’s something you have experience with. You also have a built-in getaway plan if necessary—just blade away and leave the date behind.

7. Restaurant or bar crawl

Obviously going out to eat is standard fare (pun!) for couples’ outings, but adding another pair to the mix makes things more exciting. The conversation will be inevitably more interesting just because you’ll have more to talk about, and the group size will hopefully mitigate any potential awkwardness.

This is another one that might require a little bit more of a time investment than a traditional date, so keep that in mind. That aside, picking out a whole slew of bars is a creative, original way to have a really fun time. Check out some new and fun spots in your local neighborhood, but don’t forget to work in some of your favorite classics.

With this option, you also don’t have to worry about meeting everyone’s food and drink needs or preferences—you can knock them all out! Plus, everyone knows that food is another ultimate bonding tool.

Even if it’s not the best time, don’t give up on the double date. After all, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ first romantic rendezvous was a double date—and they weren’t even set up with each other!

Double dates are the perfect way to change things up if you’re in a steady relationship with someone or to give things a test run if your crush is still developing. They’ll also undoubtedly leave you with great stories and laughs to share. Share your double date ideas and stories with us in the comments or on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram!

Most people consider college the time to go outside of their comfort zones, try new things and say yes to new experiences. Subsequently, committing to a long-term relationship usually falls wayside while becoming friends with benefits or dating in general becomes most students' easy alternative. However, finding yourself a serious relationship might just be what you need.

1. Your SO will always be there for you

Indiana University senior Sarah Cherie McDaniel was one of those people who went into college “looking for fun” and ended up in a pretty serious relationship. “I started dating a guy freshman year and, after trying to keep it casual, it became something more serious,” she says. For Sarah, her serious relationship was her support system throughout college. “Many things changed during the last four years including majors, friend groups and career choices, so it was nice to have that one person that was a constant in my life.”

Although Sarah credits the majority of her stability during college to her relationship, she also made it a point to have a balanced university experience. “For example, I studied abroad for a semester,” she says. Now that person Sarah didn’t want to get serious with is her fiancé.

2. You’ll have the confidence to try new things

Abby Givens, a junior at the University of South Carolina, agrees with Sarah. Abby’s long-distance relationship allows her to feel that same stability as Sarah, but in a different way. With the support of her boyfriend, she has been encouraged to branch out and join clubs on campus she might have otherwise shied away from. “Griffin is my best friend, so to me, even though we’re in a long-distance relationship, all of that time apart is worth it because at the end of the day, he’s the person I want to tell about my day, and who I want to hang out with,” she says. “Really, he’s who I want to do everything with. I’m so lucky that he supports all of my passions and encourages me to go after my long-term goals.”

Related: My 3-Year Relationship Ended, But It Was Still a Success

3. It’s nice to have someone with the same interests as you

Amanda Goecke, a junior at Carthage College, met her current boyfriend of one year through the track and cross country team at school. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship before him, but I am extremely happy,” she says. Amanda realizes being in a serious, committed relationship isn’t for everyone though: “I think it all depends on what you want to get out of the dating experience in college.”

4. You’ll always have a date to formals and semis

There’s literally nothing worse than trying to find a date last minute to your sorority or club formal. You could always bring a friend, but somehow that always turns out badly, ya know? As a senior at the University of New Haven, Lindsey Allen, has had to find a date to quite a few formals. In fact, one of her favorite things about being in a serious relationship is just that. “It really helps when my college offers events like formals because I always know I'll have someone to go with.” Wouldn’t that be nice?

Although it seems like college is stressful enough itself and you’ll never find the time to devote to a relationship, it’s definitely worth it in the long run. Stephanie Huynh, a freshman at Lehigh University, can attest to that. “Coming into college I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but now I'm so happy I continually have a support system and someone I really trust. It's possible and I wouldn't give up hope!”

5. You will learn more about what you value in life

Although it can be hard to find the perfect person, finding someone who gets you can help you realize what’s important to you. Pennsylvania State University junior Becca Smart didn’t know what was most important to her until she met her boyfriend. “You’re better able to understand the values you want to emulate in life and look for in a partner,” she says. “Plus, having someone to share great memories with that will later shape both of you is really special.” It sounds like having a serious SO just helps you become the best you that you can be.

If you’re someone who thinks being in a serious relationship isn’t for you, maybe it might be time to settle down. After all, you never know when you’ll meet your future fiancé.

How many romantic comedies have you watched during a Girls-Night-In about a girl falling in love with the perfect person at the time they least expected it or that exact moment they needed it? Well, in real life, there isn’t really a right time to start a relationship.

As college students, finding the right time for anything – especially developing and defining a new relationship – is nearly impossible. That’s why if you find someone you like, you should just go for it, even if the timing is a little less than ideal. Not sold on the idea yet? Here’s why some women did, and advice they have if you decide to too.

All of the reasons to start a new relationship:

It’s worth it

For some, the threat of a looming ending or new beginning might send them running for the hills. That doesn’t have to be you, though. “If you really care about someone, then you’ll want them by your side for the future and what’s to come,” says University of South Carolina senior, Abby Givens. “It’s worth trying to be together.” The key word here, is trying. The future isn’t guaranteed, and there’s no way to know what will work out or where you’ll be a year or two from now. If you have feelings for someone, that uncertainty doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. Why not see where your relationship could go instead?

The future is impossible to plan

If your Erin Condren planner is always by your side, the mere thought of not planning anything is probably terrifying. When it comes to relationships, there’s no way to painstakingly plan out everyday or the important milestones. “You never know when you’re going to meet someone you really like,” says Morgan Wilkinson, a senior at the University of South Carolina. It’s that thrill that makes dating so fun, so next time you can’t stop thinking about the guy you just met, let yourself explore a possible future; even if the timing might not be absolutely perfect.

To try something new

Not everyone is willing to jump right into a relationship. Plus, in addition to the complications of the end of the school year, starting a new relationship might seem completely out of the question. However, if you’re in this situation, it might be worthwhile to step out of your comfort zone and go for it. You can always learn something from experiencing something different.

Advice on how to make your new relationship work:

Set aside time to talk

This might seem easy. It might even be something you already do, but if you end up moving away from each other for a job or other opportunity, finding that time could become tricky. “Set aside time to talk to stay up to date with each others lives, even if that means facetiming for twenty minutes or more a night,” says Abby. Communication is vital to the success of any relationship, so if you start one at a tricky time, like the end of the semester or school year, it’s important to stay in touch despite distance.

Don’t let the relationship define you

Starting a relationship at a breaking point, like the end of the school year, makes it easy to spend all of your time making sure the relationship succeeds-- especially if you’re long distance. That’s why Morgan’s advice is to “make sure your relationship is only a part of your life instead of your whole life.” New relationships are enveloping, but ones that begin during a complicated time of your life can sometimes become even more overwhelming. To avoid becoming too invested, set aside time for friends and family and remember to find a hobby or project you’re excited about that you can work on for yourself.

Plan visits

If you do decide to try it, keeping up with a relationship at a crossroad isn’t always easy. It’s hard to find time to visit or talk when schedules conflict and distance doesn’t make that any easier. “It’s really important to make sure you visit often,” said Morgan. “It helps if you have an idea of when you can be together again, so you’re able to look forward to a date night or just being together.” Whether it’s just once or five times, finding a way to visit makes a relationship stronger.

Starting a new relationship is scary in general. Starting one at the end of the semester or end of anything makes that leap even harder. Take it from these women, it’s worth the risk!

Sexual lubricants can be a fantastic addition to the bedroom. However, there’s a stigma surrounding the use of lube, especially among young adults. One common misconception is that if you need to use lube during sex, then you’re not doing it right, or you’re just not aroused enough. Some young women may even feel embarrassed or ashamed to use lube in their sexual encounters for these reasons. We spoke to a few collegiettes about three reasons why using lube is important and sometimes necessary for your sexual health, because no one should feel ashamed to have safer, more comfortable and more enjoyable sex!

1. It makes sex safer

Typically, condoms and birth control are among the very first things that come to mind when thinking about safe sex. However, if you’re skipping out on lube, you might want to rethink that the next time around. Sexual lubricants are a huge part of safe sex and birth control, as they reduce friction and decrease the likelihood of a condom breaking.

Sure, most condoms do come with a little bit of lube on the outside, but it’s not enough to help in certain cases, such as vaginal dryness. Vaginal dryness can occur for a number of reasons in collegiettes, birth control pills being one of them. The latex from the condoms can also be a huge culprit. Anna*, a sophomore at Carthage College, says that she can’t rely on the lubrication from a condom alone.

“I’ve found that ever since I’ve started taking birth control pills, I just can’t produce a lot of natural lubrication, no matter how aroused I am,” Anna explains. “Before I started using lube, having sex with condoms could get quite uncomfortable. There was even a time when the condom began to slip off during withdrawal because I was so dry (yikes!). Now I always use lube, even if I’m very aroused.”

Some collegiettes may feel embarrassed or ashamed to use lube in these cases because they think they’re not aroused enough and they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings. However, whether vaginal dryness is something you’re dealing with or not, it’s always worth it to have that extra safety during sex, especially if you rely on condoms. “Adding lubricant helps reduce friction and gives me peace of mind that there shouldn’t be any issues with the condom,” Anna adds. Just make sure that you’re using the correct type of lube, as not all lubricants are condom friendly!

Related: Everything You Need to Know About Condoms (But Were Scared to Ask)

2. It makes sex less painful

As mentioned before, lube helps reduce friction and dryness during sex, two big factors that can lead to painful sex. Sometimes, sex can be painful because it’s your first time, or the foreplay didn’t last long enough. Maybe your partner is, ahem, well-endowed, and it’s a bit painful on your end, or you’re looking to try sex from a different end (if you catch our drift). Sex shouldn’t be painful, however, and there’s no shame in using lube during sex, whether it’s your first time or far from it. Lube helps everything move a lot smoother (literally), and when everything is groovy down there, you can spend more time focusing on you and your partner instead of worrying about the pain.

3. It makes sex more enjoyable

Who doesn’t want more enjoyable sex? Sara*, a sophomore at Illinois State University, sees no shame in adding lube during sex for some extra fun. “There’s nothing wrong with stopping to apply some lubricant,” says Sara. “It makes sex enjoyable for both parties, which is the whole point of sex, anyway.” Using lube during foreplay and right before sex can lead to bigger and better moments and steamier sessions because you both can finally enjoy safer, painless sex—you can even add stimulating and flavored lubes to help spice up both oral and penetrative sex.

“I think there's a stigma surrounding them like 'real' women shouldn't need lubricants, but it's impossible to stay lubricated enough the entire time you're having sex, especially if you tend to go at it for a while,” says Sara.

While there are still some misconceptions out there about the use of lube, there are so many benefits and added perks to incorporating sexual lubricants into your sex life that you may be missing out on! At the end of the day, ensuring that the sex you have is more safe, comfortable and enjoyable hopefully outweighs any embarrassment that you might feel about using lube. Have fun and be safe!

*Name has been changed

You sit on your bed alone on a Saturday night, endlessly bored and way too single. Just a few weeks ago, your best friend and you were spending the weekend binging your latest Netflix hang-up. Now, she’s hopelessly obsessed with her SO—and to make it worse, you can’t stand the sight of him or her.

It can be really difficult when your best friend gets into a relationship that you don’t approve of. In the end, you know it’s their decision, but you can’t help that nagging feeling in the back of your head that he or she isn’t right for them. Thankfully, we’ve collaborated with experts on romance and etiquette to give you the run-down on what to do in this situation—read on to find out.

1. Identify why you dislike their SO

Before you can come to terms with your BFF’s relationship, first you have to identify why their SO bothers you so much. Even if you think you know why, spell it out so you don’t have any misconceptions—where does your dislike come from?

Jasbina Ahluwalia, a relationship expert, matchmaker and the founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina, gave us a few common reasons. “There are numerous reasons, which fall into three categories, and possibly a combination of the three,” she says. Her categories are listed below.

1. You may dislike their SO’s behavior towards you.

You may feel slighted by what you perceive to be rude or disrespectful behavior towards you by their SO.

2. You may disapprove of the relationship itself for some reason.

He/she isn’t who you would pick for your best friend.
You feel that he/she is not good enough for your best friend.
You feel that he/she mistreats your best friend.
Your best friend might complain about him/her to you.

3. You may feel left out or envious.

You might not have an SO yourself, and wish you did.
You feel like your friend no longer has time for you due to the relationship.

By understanding why you don’t like your best friend’s SO, you can learn to tackle the problem head-on. It will help you determine whether your dislike is warranted. For example, if you are genuinely concerned for your best friend’s well-being in a potentially abusive relationship, that’s a different matter entirely. You should always look out for your best friend. Pull her aside sometime and talk to her about the situation—if she admits that she’s being abused, encourage her to leave the relationship and seek out help from the appropriate authorities if necessary.

Additionally, maybe you simply feel jealous. It’s easy to feel left out when your best friend, who usually spends her weekends with you, is now fawning over her new boyfriend– especially when you don’t have an SO of your own. Focus on yourself if that’s the case, and maybe even head out on a date or two. Who knows, you might be double-dating with your BFF soon enough! Follow the steps below to start moving past your dislike of your friend’s SO.

2. Get to know your best friend’s SO

Even if you can’t stand the sight of him or her, get past your initial hatred and try to get to know them. They might be a nice person inside—and that’s what your best friend fell in love with. Plan some time to hang out with them either alone or with a group of friends. If you only see them when they’re with your best friend, you may dislike them purely because of feeling like a 'third wheel.'

Jasbina Ahluwalia gives you a great idea to approach a mutual understanding. “Try a counter-intuitive gesture of kindness towards him or her, and see if your feelings start to take a turn in a positive direction,” she says. “Why would that happen? Your kind gesture creates cognitive dissonance—which your mind might try to resolve by finding reasons to like him. Also, ask your friend to share with you all the good things about her boyfriend—there may be a side of him that you’re not seeing.”

If your best friend’s SO is a private person, they might come off as unlikeable from the outset. Take time to get to know him or her so you don’t come to any conclusions too fast. They might actually be a great person for your best friend. On the other hand, if her SO is outright rude to you, something’s up. Talk to your best friend about the situation and let her know you’re not comfortable around him. This is a case-by-case scenario, so work out a plan with your BFF that’ll lighten the relationship between you and her SO.

Related: Is Dating a Friend Worth the Risk?

3. Remember that your friend’s happiness is most important

Even if you still don’t see why your best friend is dating him or her, you should let your concerns go if you see that your friend is truly happy. In the end, that’s what matters more than anything. Maybe her eyes sparkle when she sees a text from her SO, or you see her light up when her SO comes into view. While it’s great to look out for your friend, there’s a point when you need to realize that ultimately, her happiness is your happiness.

If your best friend’s SO still bothers you immensely, give your friend some space. Respect that her SO makes her happy, and be happy for her in turn– just take a break and hang out with some other friends in the meantime. You don’t have to force yourself to spend time with them. After a while, the honeymoon period of their relationship will cool down, and by then you’ll probably feel comfortable with hanging out more often again.

However, it’s a different situation entirely if you know that your friend’s SO hasn’t been treating her right. Maybe you’ve heard some gossip that she doesn’t know about, or you’ve seen a few suspicious text messages on his or her phone. If you have reason to think that the SO might eventually hurt your best friend, don’t stand by. Find out more, and if you have reasonable cause, let your best friend know that something’s up. It might save her a lot of heartbreak in the future.

4. Preserve your friendship

All too often, friendships crumble amid the whirlwind of a new relationship– especially when dislike of an SO comes into play. While you want to give your friend some space, be careful not to let your friendship fizzle out.

Jodi R. R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, gives you tips on how to maintain contact during this tricky situation. “First, give her some space especially at the beginning of the relationship,” she says. “Once the newness normalizes, schedule some girl-time. Second, never make her feel like she needs to choose between you and her SO. Make sure she knows that even though you are not spending as much time together, you are always there for her.”

It can be hard to make a friendship work when a new SO comes into the mix, but make an effort to reach out to your friend and things will be all right. Everyone needs time away from their SO, even your seemingly-obsessed best friend. Good luck, collegiettes!

It’s a fact of life: almost everyone gets nervous when it comes to dating—even guys! Opening up and sharing some raw, powerful emotions can turn even the most confident guys into a shrinking violet. And, in addition to sharing their feelings, many guys get self-conscious about putting their best foot forward and making a good first impression. This shyness can be endearing; I mean, it’s flattering to have a guy care about impressing you so much that he gets a little flustered. But, on the flipside, it can be frustrating when it impacts how the relationship progresses.

We all know how hard it can be to read shy guys. Their reticence and introspectiveness can sometimes come across as a lack of interest when in reality, they are crazy about you. So, how exactly do you get a shy guy to open up? More importantly, how can you tell if a shy guy is in to you? And, when you finally do score a date, how do you make it memorable and not awkward?

Well, rest easy ladies; here is everything you need to know about getting a shy guy to come out of his shell.

So…does he like me, or not?

Flirting, as fun as it is, can be confusing as heck. And if you are anything like me, nine times out of ten, you leave the situation having no idea that a guy was flirting with you. This dilemma becomes even more confusing when you are talking to a shy guy.

Fear not, there are some cues that shy guys will give that could indicate that they are interested in you.

Jasbina Ahluwalia, a relationship expert and matchmaker, and the founder of Intersections Match by Jasbina, says that shy guys typically offer physical cues when they are interested in a woman.

“You might catch him looking at you,” Ahluwalia says. “[He might be] preening, perhaps running his hands through his hair, or attempting to decrease the physical distance between the two of you.”

If you are picking up on these signs, it might be up to you to make the first move. In this situation, you want to strike the right balance between being yourself, but also making sure the guy you are talking to is comfortable. Ahluwalia recommends being approachable, but also making an attempt to engage the guy you are interested in.

“Give a sincere compliment, smile warmly, then ask for help: in a store, you can say, ‘Great tie—I like your style. I’m buying a tie for my brother’s graduation. Which of these two do you think works better?’” says Ahluwalia.

Initiating a conversation in a casual way is a fantastic way to get a guy talking with you!

Related: How To Tell Someone You Like Them In A Non-Awkward Way

Choosing the right date

Once you’ve established your mutual interest, the next hurdle to jump is the date itself. A classic, traditional dinner date can seem intimidating (lots of conversation can be a little much for shy folks), so what are your options?

Ahluwalia suggests finding an active date that incorporates something you and the guy are interested in.

“[Choose] any place where he is in his element and can shine! An activity date can take the pressure off face-to-face conversation and let him shine as the two of you interact.”

Examples of these activity dates could include going to a wine-tasting, taking in a musical event, going to a farmer’s market, or attending an art opening.

Megan Mann, a Purdue graduate, had success matching her guy’s interests.

“My ex-boyfriend was really shy,” Megan says. “What I found to work out was finding out what his interests were and catering to them until he opened up. Once he was comfortable, it was much easier.”

If you aren’t looking for something super active, try a twist on a classic date idea. Typically, movie dates get knocked for not giving couples enough time to talk, especially when the goal of a date is to get to know the other person! But, a movie date can be perfect for a shy guy. You all can chat before the movie starts, and then just sit back and relax as the movie plays. Afterwards, you all can grab coffee or a quick bite to eat, and instead of scrambling to find conversation topics, you can just discuss the movie! You can talk about what you all loved, or debate things you felt differently about. And, learning about their taste in movies (among other things) can spark further conversation, and hopefully, even more date nights!

What do you do on the date?

Once you have selected your date night activity, you actually have to go on the date! And even when you’re tasting wine or critiquing art, there are some small things you can do to keep conversation flowing and your guy at ease.

“Compliment him genuinely, share enthusiastically about yourself and actively listen when he does talk,” says Ahluwalia.

She also recommends asking open-ended questions that could help him open up more.

Daniela Reyes, a senior at the University of Illinois, has had this work for her.

“I usually try to drive the conversation to get it rolling since it usually does not seem like they would start it or continue it,” Daniela says. “Then, I try to find something that they like so they can get comfortable with talking. Even asking about what they are wearing, a class, work, the weather, or something can get the conversation going.”

How can you tell if the evening is making your guy uncomfortable? The answer is once again in his body language!

“[If] he increases the personal space between the two of you, closes his arms, frowns or averts eye contact,” Ahluwalia says these could all be signs that he might not be enjoying the evening.

But what if you’re also shy?

Birds of a feather flock together, so it’s no surprise that shy girls might be attracted to shy guys. However, this mutual shyness can result in two people (who are really into each other) sitting in awkward silence for an hour and a half. So, how do you cross this divide of timidity?

“Someone has to get outside [their] comfort zone, and initiate the conversation—let it be you,” says Ahluwalia. “If you’re a bit nervous or shy, feel free to be vulnerable and share that—it could be a point of connection. Guys appreciate heartfelt vulnerability.”

Emily Schmidt, a Standford sophomore and self-described introvert, has recently been faced with this problem.

“I recently started dating an extremely shy guy, and as an introvert myself, I thought I wouldn’t have much trouble making him feel comfortable around me,” she says. “However, I discovered that it takes a lot of time for shy guys to open up, especially if they weren’t friends with you before the relationship.”

If you yourself are shy, it’s important to remember that your guy is feeling the exact same way you are: excited, but kind of scared and not sure what to do about it. In this case, it’s best to practice the golden rule (yes, the one from Kindergarten) and treat others the way you want to be treated. So, be positive, kind, and, most importantly, yourself, and both you and your guy will feel comfortable in no time!

Related: 6 Dating Tips for Shy Girls

What matters most in relationships is that you connect with someone and feel comfortable sharing with them. And, as frustrating as it may be, sometimes this just takes time.

“I didn’t want to scare him off because I really liked him, so I let him make all of the moves," says Schmidt. "He didn’t kiss me until about a month of hanging out, and even then, it took him an entire movie plus five minutes of credits to work up the courage. You have to be really patient and accepting when it comes to making a shy guy feel comfortable.”

And you know what they say—sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

So you’re moving this summer. Maybe it’s to a totally city or just somewhere 15 minutes from where you used to be. Regardless, it’s likely to be an entirely different experience than what you’re used to and that includes the dating scene! Dating and romance are always more fun during the summer, and are also sure to be far more exciting when you’re in a new place.

We talked to some expert collegiettes about their experiences meeting new people in a new place and put all their tips together for a go-to list. Read on and don’t forget to share your own ideas and experiences in the comments and on Facebook and Twitter!

1. Spend time at local bars and restaurants

At first, you’ll have to get comfortable being that person who’s alone at a bar, café, restaurant, etc., but you’ll soon be surrounded by others doing the exact same thing. Dating new and unknown people is daunting, but just remember that a lot of other people are in a similar boat!

Dating is also way easier when you’re young and everyone’s in a transitional summer period. “Some of the best connections I made happened...when I simply asked, ‘Do you mind if I sit here?’" says Abigail Megginson, a sophomore at the University of West Florida. Putting yourself out there is the first step, and people will admire you for having that confidence.

Related: 50 Fun Summer Date Ideas

2. Speed date

Speed dating is a fantastic—and efficient—way to meet new people! Some of the awkwardness of the initial dating stages goes away while speed dating because everyone already knows they’re there to find a connection with someone.

You can look out on Facebook for events happening in your area, or check out sites like DoRelish to see if your city is listed or just Google speed dating and your city! What do you really have to lose?

It might not seem like the most romantic option, but there’s definitely something to be said for an environment that forces people to talk to one another to see if the chemistry is there. “Honestly the worst that can happen is an awkward encounter,” says Dajin Kim, a sophomore at The University of Texas at Austin. The competitive atmosphere also gives this one a fun edge!

The stakes aren’t too high either, as long as you don’t set yourself up to meet the one on the first night. Maybe that will happen to you, but if it doesn’t, just give one of these other options a try until you’re ready to revisit speed dating (and/or you’re confident that the folks you met to during the first attempt have cycled out).

3. Bond with your coworkers

You might not have both coworkers and neighbors, but we’re betting you have at least one! They’re your surefire entry into local events and new people, because they live there too! Hopefully they’re not as new to the place as you are.

“I resorted to the most cliché ways to establish conversation [with my coworkers],” says Ashley Ortiz, a fourth-year at the University of Puerto Rico. “That was by asking how their shift was, if they knew any good pizza places around the area and simply putting myself out there.” There’s a lot to be said for small talk!

Beyond just learning the local ropes and the ins and outs of wherever you may be working, there are surely plenty of friends and new love interests to be found among the people you work with and the people they can introduce you to. “I knew that if I wanted to have a good time and establish some connection with my coworkers, I had to initiate conversation,” Ashley says.

You don’t necessarily have to date or hook up with your coworkers (in fact, you may want to steer clear of this if it’s not prohibited entirely), but who’s to say one of your coworkers’ best friends isn’t your soul mate or next best fling?

4. Go to free community events

Community centers and parks aren’t just for old people and families! “No matter where you are, there's sure to be like free outdoor exercise classes or like free concerts and things and you can always meet people at those things,” says Linne Halpern, a junior at Wesleyan University. Go check out a local bulletin board in your neighborhood to see if there’s anything of interest.

If you’re in DC, NYC or other big cities, there are plenty of websites like DCist and Nonsense NYC where you can find local events off the beaten path. As for smaller towns, there are likely community websites or things posted at local event centers (we know, we know, but you have to do some of the work!) that you can take advantage of.

Remember that you do have to take the initiative here. “I would suggest setting a goal for yourself to make sure that there are a certain number of nights per week where you make sure to stay out of the house, like don't go straight home after work just to sit on your couch, make sure to get out and explore,” Linne says. You’ll have fun regardless!

Related: 5 Tips for Actually Making Friends in a New City

5. Tinder, Bumble and others

Last but not least, you always have the option of good ol’ fashioned dating sites and apps. Thankfully, there’s no shame in this kind of dating anymore, although it can be tough to decipher whether a whole app and the people using it are interested in casual flings, serious relationships or all other sorts of romantic pursuits.

Like speed dating, the pressure to succeed on dating apps and websites is only high if you make it so. Finding someone you enjoy spending time with or have a physical attraction to is hard work — it wouldn’t be worth it if it wasn’t! Regardless if it’s casual or serious, you want it to be fulfilling.

Tinder and Bumble are just the beginning. There’s also Coffee Meets Bagel, a “ladies’ choice” app similar to Bumble, and Hinge, which sets you up with people your Facebook friends are friends with. Maybe even give one of these obscure dating sites a try if you’re on the rebound, looking to connect with someone over your flavor preferences, and more!

There’s a lot to worry about if you’re spending a summer in a new city, from moving to finances to job prospects. That said, new love interests shouldn’t be the most stressful thing — hopefully they even help you mitigate some of these pressures!

Dating is inevitably nerve-wracking, but just remember that even when it doesn’t go well, it’s good practice. Dating lets you get a better idea of what you’re looking for and what are deal breakers, and you’ll always come out of it with great stories!

Summer vacation is something that we can all look forward to. When we think of summer, we think of beaches, ice cream, road trips, tan lines and everything else we hope the summer will be filled with. Most of all, we hope that the summer will be filled with happiness. If you’re anything like us, you seem to have this unrealistic expectation that summer is going to be picture perfect—especially when it comes to spending time with your significant other.

What’s cuter than walking down the beach hand in hand while Taylor Swift’s “Sparks Fly” plays casually in your head? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. Even though summer could quite possibly do great wonders for your relationship, it could also be the reason that it may not do so well. Even though we’d love to day-dream about the endless possibilities that summer may hold, we often tend to forget the other things that summer comes with. Friends, jobs, internships, summer school or even distance also come with the start of the long awaited break. Here are some different reasons and scenarios where college relationships might not make it through the summer.

1. Distance

If you met your significant other in college, there’s a huge possibility that they don’t come from the same hometown as you. In this case, it’s most likely just a matter of distance. No matter how much time we spend on our phones, going from walking each other to class every day or simply just grabbing a meal together to relying on text messages and phone calls could still be pretty hard. Even though emojis are getting (kind of frighteningly) accurate at representing our emotions, there’s simply none that show our 2 am derp faces that make us who we are. Nothing can really replace cuddling up and watching a movie…no, not even your super soft body pillow.

Although it seems like your love is strong enough to withstand something so seemingly trivial as distance, it’s important not to underestimate the power distance can have. Trust us, we believe in the power of love as much as you (maybe even more), but distance does bring up some challenges. If you are from different towns, whether it’s an hour drive or a 15-hour drive, it’s important to plan for long distance, even if it’s just for the summer.

Simple things like these can give your relationship the spice it needs to keep the love *blossoming*:

Setting a day of the week to FaceTime
Watching a movie at the same time over the phone
Sending pictures of things you did that day
Writing letters
Sending a simple text saying that you are thinking of them

Even the little things make a world of a difference. The important thing is to put in the extra effort each day to show your SO that no matter how busy you are, they are still on your mind. We know, it’s so cliche, but that’s what gets the butterflies in your stomach!

2. Spending too much time together

If you are lucky enough to live in the same hometown as your significant other, you have your own set of challenges to face. No matter how much you love spending time with someone, there’s always such thing as spending TOO much time together. With the stress of homework constantly keeping us busy gone, it leaves more room for lounging around at home. Although this is usually good, anything in excess could cause some problems.

With this, there is a risk of getting too comfortable with each other to the point where it seems like the relationship has gotten boring or even lost its *spark*. “Oftentimes, I’ve noticed that couples that seem to spend too much time together seem to get more frustrated with each other,” says Sabrina Lau, a sophomore at the University of Texas at Austin. “I think it’s important to remember that a relationship should be two independent people that are together instead of two people depending on each other.”

It’s important to remember that summer is not just all about the things you and your significant other can do together, but it should also be about what YOU can do. Whether it’s joining a weekly yoga class, taking art lessons or simply just going for a run by yourself, making sure to do your own thing once in a while is always a good idea. Hey, we never said you couldn't send Snaps documenting your new experiences to your SO.

3. Simply being too busy

Especially in college, summertime is not always going to be all fun and games. A lot of college students use summer as a time to be productive. We know…shocking, right? But hey, give us some credit—even though we are college students, we can be responsible every once in a while! Many people have internships, part-time jobs or even study abroad. The point is, that’s less time you have to spend with your boo thang.

“I think that face-to-face time or even just proximity that you get with your SO just by nature of going to the same school or attending the same classes probably has a lot to do with how your relationship developed in the first place,” says Margeaux Biché, a junior at Barnard College. “If you're not on the same campus, hearing about the same events, frequenting the same places and on the same schedule, it can get tough to maintain that connection.”

As much as we may hate to admit it, we all get consumed by something or another that could potentially distract us from our SO. This could take a huge toll on relationships, especially if only one of you is busy throughout the summer. In this case, it is important to make sure your SO is supportive of these new endeavors you’re taking on. There’s no doubt that in the future, you and your SO will be stressed with work life or school life. In this time, make sure that you’re their number one cheerleader. As long as they continue to prioritize you as well as show you the affection you deserve, it’s okay if they're busy. Most of the time, a SO is supposed to be someone who makes a person feel like they can breath even throughout the chaos of life.

4. The need for “adventure” during the summer

Finally, this is something that many people may not take into consideration. A lot of times when people think of summer, they think of it as a time to catch up with friends and family that they haven't seen in a long time—a time when they need to experience new things…or even new people. Even though it’s totally okay to experience new things, more often than not we hear the phrase “we have all summer to hang out” or “I see you all the time.” We often begin to prioritize other things under the pretense that we can always see our SO later. Especially in the summer, there’s more room for feelings to start to get a little confusing.

“I would say relationships usually don't last over the summer because most people use this time to be free,” says Ashley Drayton, a Georgia State University graduate. “Everyone is happier, excited for new adventures so people tend to lean towards being single and not having to worry about a significant other.”

It’s definitely true that sometimes we get so lost in the idea of having an “adventurous” summer that we often feel as though we may not need somebody else. We may even think that these new experiences are better than our old ones. Although it’s great to be an independent person, it’s important to think about what you really want. People tend to get so wrapped up in the idea that summer is for flings, hookups and fun that they have this desire to try new things. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the best for someone in a committed relationship.

In the midst of summer being a time for adventure, we sometimes have the urge to look for something fresh and new. This is mostly the case for relationships that seem to be reaching the end of the “honeymoon phase.” Those couples that seem to start to become too comfortable with each other may have a desire to reach that new and exciting time period once again. Just remember girls, if this is the case, maybe he just isn’t as into you as he should be.

Related: Will Your Relationship Last Through Summer?

Summer is a great time to test the strength of your relationship. Not only does it allow you to work through different obstacles, it gives you time to grow as a person. It’s a time that allows reflection not only on the relationship, but on yourself individually.

Summer could show you what you really like to do or it could show you that your relationship isn’t meant to be. Maybe you’ll realize that you are too dependent on each other…or maybe you'll realize that you’re perfectly independent. Whether it ends up ending a relationship or strengthening a relationship, just remember: You’ll learn from it.

If you’re anything like us, one of the most frustrating situations is watching your friend pine over a guy or girl that is obviously just not that into them. Even when these signs are like blaring lights to you, it seems as though your friend has an excuse for every single red flag you bring up. However, can we ever blame them? We can almost all say that we’ve all been blinded by love once or twice. Sometimes it’s hard to see that someone is just not that into you when you’re so infatuated with them. It’s easy for us to ignore all the red flags and pick out the small things they may do to support the fact that they could be into you. If you sometimes have trouble taking a hint, here are some signs that they're just not that into you.

1. You always initiate the conversation

We’ve all heard of the guys and girls that play hard to get and hate to “text first,” but playing hard to get is a game that can only last so long. When someone is actually into you, you shouldn’t be the only one initiating conversations. Even the biggest player will end this game when it comes to someone they’re really into.

Vanessa Le, a junior at the Columbia University, couldn’t agree more. “If someone is really into you, they’ll find some way of starting a conversation with you,” she says. “Whether it’s asking about a homework assignment or just bringing up an old conversation, it’ll be clear that they want to talk to you.”

Now that’s something we can relate to. No matter how obvious it may seem, sometimes when we are the ones that are constantly initiating conversations, we may not even notice that they never seem to start conversations. Think to yourself, if you stopped putting in so much effort, would y’all still be talking?

2. Your conversations are dry and one-sided

Now that we’ve gotten past initiating the actual conversation, it’s time to consider the quality of the interaction that you guys are having. When it comes to texting, phone calls or even personal interactions, it’s pretty clear when a conversation seems to be mostly one-sided. If you’re the only one asking questions only to receive dry answers, he/she is probably not that into you.

Fayna Zeng, a junior at the University of Texas at Dallas, says that this is a big indication someone is not into you. “When a guy/girl is really into you, he/she will always be interested in what you’re saying. He/she will not only answer in depth but he/she will also take the time to ask you questions.”

We couldn’t agree more. When someone wants to start a relationship with you, he or she will undoubtedly want to know every single thing about you. Since communication is a key factor in starting a relationship, if the conversation isn’t flowing naturally, it’s probably not a good fit anyway.

3. They never initiate a hang out

Even with the advanced technology we have today, nothing will ever beat real, genuine, face-to-face interactions. Text messages, phone calls, Snapchat, or even FaceTime can’t compete with actually taking the time to hang out with someone. When a guy/girl doesn’t ever ask you to hang out in person, it’s pretty clear that he or she is not interested enough to take time out of a busy day to get to really know you.

Sarah Siddiqui, a junior at the University of Texas at Austin, thinks this is a huge indicator. “Whether it’s a guy/girl, there’s no real rule about the guy having to initiate hanging out first. With either gender, it’s clear that if the person is interested in you, they’ll either ask you to hang out in person or they’ll hint at it.”

It’s as simple as that. It’s easy to add a little “yeah we should go try that out sometime” or “let’s go there soon” to simple conversations. If they’re into you, they’ll make the effort. Having that time to get to know each other in person is a big sign that they’re interested in seeing how you guys connect in real life.

4. They never give you a definite answer

So let’s say that you do have the courage to ask the person of interest to hang out. How they respond is also a huge indicator of whether or not they’re into you. If he/she always leaves you with wishy-washy answers like “maybe,” “we’ll see,” or “I’ll let you know,” it’s pretty clear that you’re not a big priority. Most of the time, when they are unsure about their answers, they are either just trying to be nice or they’ll wait to see if something better comes along.

Allyson Short, a sophomore at the Purdue University, thinks this is a huge one. “When someone is into you, they’ll always make time for you,” she says. “The fact that you ask them to hang out will undoubtedly get them really excited and they won’t wait to say yes. If they’re truly busy, they’ll make plans for another time.”

We couldn’t agree more. It’s obvious that when someone is truly interested in dating you, they’ll drop everything to hang out with you. Whether they have other plans with friends or wanted to stay in and rest, they’ll drop it all when you initiate some sort of hang out. Never take a wishy-washy answer as a good sign no matter how into them you are.

5. They aren’t prioritizing you

One of the biggest yet hardest decisions to make is deciding whether or not he/she truly prioritizes you and makes you happy. If you feel as though they make you sadder than happier, it’s clearly not a good sign. When someone is really truly interested in starting a relationship with you, especially at the beginning, they’ll do everything to win you over. If they’re already acting like you’re a second choice, chances are, you probably are one.

Thalia Carrillo, a senior at New York University, says this is a good thing to think about. “Sometimes you just have to sit down and think about whether you think he/she treats you right. Someone who really likes you won’t ever hurt you on purpose. If you find yourself getting exhausted trying to get him/her to pay attention to you, they aren’t into you enough.”

We think that’s some great advice. We know, it’s hard to think about whether he/she makes you happy or not when you’re super into them, but deep down you should be able to tell whether or not he/she prioritizes you enough. The keyword here is “enough” in that he/she shouldn’t be putting in minimal effort. When starting a relationship, it should not feel like you’re constantly chasing them.

Related: 4 Scientifically Proven Ways to Communicate Better with Your SO

When it comes to someone you really like, it’s often hard to see the obvious signs that everyone else may be seeing. Even though you may know deep down whether or not they’re into you, we often try to defend the people we are infatuated is. However, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that someone who is truly into you will do everything they can to win you over. If you’re constantly wondering about his/her feelings towards you, sorry, but they’re probably not that into you.

One word. Four letters. They both start with the letter “L,” but the two words couldn’t be more different. At the same time, however, they’re incredibly difficult to distinguish between, especially when caught up in the heat of a new romance. Have any guesses on what we’re talking about here?

If you guessed love and lust, then you may have felt confused about either one (or both) while exploring a relationship with someone. Relationships are difficult to navigate, especially as a young collegiette, so when the big “L” word is thrown around, things can become quite tricky. So, is that big L word love, or lust?

To help you achieve a clearer understanding, we spoke with Dr. Patrick Wanis, relationship expert and author of the audio book Get Over Your Ex Now! on the key differences between the two.

“The simple definition of love is wanting the best for the other person,” says Dr. Wanis. Lust, on the other hand, which Dr. Wanis also equates to “infatuation” and “passionate love,” is more about wanting what’s best for you.

“Infatuation is about what can you do for me, and love is about how much can I give to you,” Dr. Wanis explains. “One is all about taking, not necessarily receiving, and love is more about giving.”

Sound familiar? If you’re still unsure about what exactly you’re feeling for your partner, here are four huge signs that the scale is tipped to lust rather than love.

1. You don’t really know each other

Your chemistry is insane, and the feeling when you two meet is absolutely electric. You know you feel something for this person, but do you really even know who this person is, and vice versa? You might want to ask yourself these questions to really understand your feelings.

For example, you probably know some things about your partner, such as what they study in school, what their favorite bands are or what they enjoy when hooking up. However, if your communication doesn’t really crack that surface and dive deeper to a better understanding of each other, then lust may be the answer why.

“If you’re not sharing your personal experiences and problems, and that person has also set these boundaries, then you’re not in a relationship where you’re actually mutually supporting each other,” Dr. Wanis explains.

A major factor of being in a relationship that’s based on mutual love is being able to support one another, especially emotionally. If you don’t picture yourself ever opening up to this person and letting down those barriers, then the relationship doesn’t align with the foundations of love.

2. The relationship is purely physical

Whether you’re in a relationship of love or lust, it’s not uncommon for them both to start off very physical. After all, seeking out new partners and beginning these relationships begin by being attracted to one another physically. However, if your relationship is just physical, then it’s not necessarily love.

“Lust is a physical desire, it can be a chemical attraction,” says Dr. Wanis. “Lust, passionate love and infatuation aren’t necessarily bad, they’re only bad when that’s all there is between you. They’re only bad when they don’t transform and morph into another level.”

Again, the key here is that love is not purely physical. There’s nothing wrong with having a loving relationship that’s very physical, but it can be a problem when the relationship lacks substance in all other areas of love.

Related: 7 Ways to Show Intimacy Without Having Sex

“There’s nothing wrong with experiencing passion because you need to have passion between you and your partner,” Dr. Wanis continues. “It’s okay to have lust between you and your partner, the challenge is if that’s all you have, then it’ll die just as quickly as it started.”

And while there’s nothing wrong with having a loving relationship that’s physical, there’s also no shame in exploring your desires and pursuing your feelings if lust, if that’s what both you and your partner want.

“I wouldn’t discourage two people from being in a relationship of lust, as long as they recognize that’s all it is,” Dr. Wanis explains. “If two people say, ‘look, I’m obsessed with you, I just want to have lots of great sex,’ and the other person agrees to it, fine. Just beware of it becoming dangerous where it starts to drown you and completely takes over your life, [like] an addiction.”

One of the biggest lessons Dr. Wanis teaches is to get clear about what you want, so in this case, it’s not only getting clear about what you want from this physical relationship, but it’s also recognizing if that’s all it is and will be.

3. Your relationship doesn’t evolve

Previously, Dr. Wanis mentions that in the case of a relationship that’s mistaken as love, it’s bad if the physical side of the relationship doesn’t evolve into something more. While a huge sign of lust is that your relationship relies on the physical attractiveness of it, another sign is that the relationship doesn’t eventually evolve into companionate love.

“Science shows that that intensity of lust, and passion and infatuation lasts from six months up to 30,” Dr. Wanis explains. “It usually is around 18 months—that’s the average. But it can end abruptly within six months, or last as long as 30 months.”

Think of lust as a fire. Being infatuated with someone and pursuing a passionate love may start quickly just as a fire would, and the flames may seem bright when it’s fueled with passion, but they’ll soon fizzle out if that’s its only fuel.

“We can’t keep up that level of intensity past 30 months because you’re living a life,” says Dr. Wanis. “Once you commit to each other, then you’re going to have all these challenges together.”

Living your life throughout college and beyond means traveling, finding jobs, and maybe eventually marrying and having children (if that’s a part of your plan), so if you don’t see yourself potentially living through these challenges and making these commitments to your partner, then it’s probably not love.

Related: 5 Signs Your SO Loves You (Even if They're Not Saying It)

4. You’re only internally focused

While these three signs can be huge indicators that you’re experiencing lust and not love, Dr. Wanis stresses the biggest difference between the two lies in your motivation and intent. Are you seeking to fill your own desires, or are you looking to give to someone else?

“The difference between lust and love is that lust, or infatuation, is internally focused,” says Dr. Wanis. “How do I feel when I’m with you? What can you do for me? How great can you make me feel?” If these are questions that you’re asking yourself when with your partner, you’re only focused on your own needs.

“[Lust is] very different to the external focus [of love] which is how much can I give to you? How much can I make you feel better?” Dr. Wanis explains. “Lust is primarily about satisfying your own desires, love is more about how much you can give to the other person. Infatuation is about receiving pleasure, love is about giving to the other person.”

Dr. Wanis continues that if your thought process is, “I need to get all my desires and needs met, and as long as they’re met, I don’t care about anything else,” then you’re experiencing lust. “And you don’t really care about the other person, as long as they give you what you need. That’s not love.”

Related: 7 Signs You’re in Love

If you’re still unsure, you can ask yourself more about how much you’re willing to really know and come to care about the person. “Is this just lust, or do you care about each other? Are you interested in what’s best for your partner? Are you interested in supporting and encouraging your partner, or are you just obsessed with making sure your partner gives you everything you need?” Dr. Wanis poses.

Hint: if the answer is no, it’s not love!

So what’s the bottom line?

We’ve explored four major signs that you’re in lust and not love, and although it can be difficult to admit it to yourself, especially if you’re really passionate about your partner, it’s important not to confuse lust for love. Bottom line, if you’re still unsure, Dr. Wanis boils it all down to a science.

“Our deepest, hidden desire is not to be loved, but rather to love someone,” Dr. Wanis explains. “And that’s the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation comes most likely from the biological perspective, which is procreation, versus love, which is about building bonds, creating an emotional connection and a community, a sense of belonging and a sense of secure attachment. They’re two different things.”

While it’s extremely difficult to distinguish between lust and love, especially in the earlier stages of the relationship, hopefully, these signs will point you in the right direction.

Urging the idea of consent doesn’t mean it’s always integrated smoothly into real life. On paper it’s giving permission and saying a verbal “yes” to a sexual activity with another person, all the while maintaining that saying “no” could stop the encounter at any time. But here’s the thing: boiling consent down to a simple binary of saying “yes” or “no” completely erases the gray area from actual sexual encounters and fails to acknowledge just how uncomfy and anxiety-inducing saying “no” to another person can be.

During college, women are trying to navigate online dating, dorm crushes, first-time hookups, and learn their personal boundaries with alcohol. Since we’re operate in real life (and not within the boundaries of a supersafe sex-ed lecture) that pretty much leaves consent to be something that’s assumed rather than said out loud. Couple that with the fact that there’s no standardized approach to navigating consent that works for everyone, and you end up getting a lot of gray area where sexual harassment, assault, and partner violence can slip through unchecked. That’s how we’ve ended up in this bummer-of-a-2018 place where #MeToo and a plethora of stories have been brought forward by women forced too far by partners or abusers that didn’t ask for or acknowledge their feedback.

So, what does consent look like in real life? Well…it’s complex.

This week, The New York Times launched a project, 45 Stories of Sex and Consent on Campus, and to continue the conversation we asked college women what enthusiastic sexual encounters look like to them. Here’s what they had to share.

What does consent look like to you?

“It looks like respect: Respect for my wants, needs, desire, and space. Respect for my body, my safety and my limits. Not taking advantage of me if I am asleep, too drunk, or in a bad situation. Not pushing and bugging for me to go further than I want, not pushing me to step into a sexual realm that I have expressed negative feelings towards. Most blatantly taking no as a no, not as a challenge to try harder.” – Meagan, Athabasca University

“I’ve been lucky so far to have dated some really sweet guys who are concerned about doing more than I’m comfortable with. A guy I dated last year would even ask before he touched me in certain ways. At first, it seemed a little awkward, but I’m so glad he asked me and didn’t just assume that I was down for whatever, because I’m not. So, for me, consent is done right when you don’t make assumptions. Just because I’m dating you or was flirty with you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. I’ve noticed in relationships, sometimes guys feel they are entitled to your body, but that’s not how it works. I don’t owe you sex or anything even remotely sexual just because we’re dating. If I’m not feeling it or I’m just not ready to go that far with you yet, I absolutely don’t have to. Consent to me is all about realizing that sex should never be assumed in any situation.” - Micki, University of Missouri, Columbia

"Consent is being told yes throughout sexual actions such as kissing, touching, and any form of sex, both oral and penetration. Basically, if one doesn't say yes, don't assume they want it." - Student at William Paterson University

"Saying nothing at all does NOT mean consent." - Haylee W., University of Nevada, Reno

“One issue is how consent is depicted on screen. In educational settings about consent, we’re taught that it needs to be explicit, not implied. That means asking directly. But in films, we rarely see a person in the bedroom stop kissing and then ask, ‘Do you consent to sex?’ The idea may seem ridiculous. I appreciated in the Kay Cannon-directed movie Blockers when Kayla is about to take her first swig from a flask, she stops and makes clear to her prom date that she wants to have sex — because intoxicated people cannot give consent. I’d like to see more shows addressing it and how that conversation should go.” – Student at University of California, Los Angeles

"I hate the phrase consent is sexy. Like??? Uh, consent is a basic human right." - Rebecca, Colorado State University

Tell us a story of a time you felt your consent was valued by a partner.

"The first time with my boyfriend was also my first time ever. He asked me if I was sure and if I liked it several times. Now, he doesn't ask because [we're at the point where] it's really obvious that I like what we are doing, but he always pays attention to my reactions. I know he would stop if I showed some type of rejection. For me, consent is not only saying yes, but showing you like what is happening. For me, if someone just stays quiet, it is not consent, it's just the fear of saying no." - Jazmín, University of Buenos Aires

“When my current boyfriend and I started dating we took everything really slow, he would ask before taking any big physical steps and even some small ones. I even remember him asking if he could put his arm around me while we watched tv at my apartment. Our first kiss happened to be at party where we had both been drinking, he made a comment that he would like to kiss me but he didn't even make a move closer to me until I told him that It was ok for him to. This was very important to me as I am a victim of sexual violence, but my boyfriend didn't actually know that when these moments happened making it even more comforting.” – Student at Athabasca University

“I impulsively hooked up with a friend of a floormate sophomore year. He was very nice and clarified each and every step along the way. This person was completely attuned to my needs and stopped once I felt uncomfortable. We negotiated, and although I felt like I didn't get as much as I put into the act, we both laid out our expectations before proceeding with anything. We maintained a kind, healthy, respectful dialogue throughout.” – Allie, Mount Holyoke College

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can get help by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673). For more resources on sexual assault, visit RAINN, End Rape on Campus, and the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.

So, what does consent look like in real life? Well…it’s complex.

What does consent look like to you?

"Saying nothing at all does NOT mean consent." - Haylee W., University of Nevada, Reno

"I hate the phrase consent is sexy. Like??? Uh, consent is a basic human right." - Rebecca, Colorado State University

Tell us a story of a time you felt your consent was valued by a partner.

When it comes to hair removal in your bikini area, cultural trends as of late have promoted a do-it-yourself tactic that offers women everywhere a way to save time and money––and an alternative to the dreaded visit to the Brazilian waxing salon. But, just how safe and beneficial is it to shave down there with a razor? We’ve consulted Dr. Lauren F. Streicher, MD, a Clinical Associate Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology in the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital and author of Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever and The Essential Guide to Hysterectomy: Advice from a Gynecologist on Your Choice Before, During, and After Surgeryto find out the truth. Read below for five reasons you should not shave your pubic hair:

1. The decision to remove (or not remove) the hair in your bikini area is personal

In this generation, it might seem like collegiettes everywhere are supporters of a “clean” bikini area, opting for a look that is hair-free. However, statistics show that this is not the case.

A report published by the American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology shed some light on pubic hair removal. According to the study, 40.9 percent of women who stopped using a razor to shave this region attributed it to disliking the side effects, such as stubble, bumps, rashes,or ingrown hairs. Other popular reasons women stopped shaving were feeling like it was too much of a hassle, a lack of sexual activity, liking the look of pubic hair, and their partners wanted them to stop.

Margeaux Biché, a sophomore at Barnard College, is a big advocate for shaving down there less. “I used to shave my bikini area probably once every week or every other week, and now I probably do so once every couple of months (unless I have some sort of event that might dictate shaving,” she says. “I have found that, as a result, my pubic hair grows WAY more slowly and I think it has gotten slightly thinner as well!” Margeaux is not alone.

For Julie*, another college student, shaving down there is just not worth it. "I've just found that it is always extremely irritating to the skin––it gets very itchy as it grows back and ingrown hairs in my pubic region are scary because they can be confused with warts, pimples or a staph infection," she says. "Hair is natural and serves a purpose. Of course, it is important to manage your pubic hair for sanitary reasons, but it was given to us as a shield." If hair removal down there is just not for you––rest assured knowing you are not alone!

2. There are some minor health complications involved

Pubic hair removal is a modern-day trend, but is it really safe? Not necessarily. According to the study, it may result in unfavorable health consequences including skin irritation, vulvar and vaginal irritation or infection, and even possibly the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Other minor health risks that come with shaving your bikini region may include epidermal abrasions (shallow wounds to the skin), ingrown hairs, hair follicle inflammation, vulva inflammation or rashes.

Dr. Streicher notes that most health complications are nothing major. "There is always a possibility of knicking, as it is a lot harder to see what you are doing," she says. "From an infection point of view, there is not a huge issue––there have been a few studies done, but the numbers have been small." Even if you get your bikini area waxed, you still risk burns to the skin simply because the skin down there is delicate.

It varies from individual to individual, but sometimes, irritation is just inevitable. "There are some people who get bumps no matter what they do," Dr. Streicher says.

3. Pubic hair helps your body in multiple ways

While in the grand scheme of things, humans have much less body hair than other animals, the hair we do have is not accidental––and this goes for pubic hair, as well! According to Dr. Streicher, pubic hair exists to serve many purposes. "Biologically, there is a reason we have pubic hair," she says. "From a medical point of view, it decreases friction and lubrication."

Additionally, hair down there acts as a cushion during intercourse and help men maintain an erection. "When you have two bodies that are rubbing together, pubic hair stops friction and decreases potential discomfort," she says. "It keeps the genitals warm––and for a guy trying to maintain an erection, you have to have warm genitals. It is also a way to find your way to the genitals. If you have a big patch of pubic hair, it says, 'Hey, here is where you go!'" Who knew pubic hair was offered our bodies so many benefits?

Related: How to Shave ‘Down There’

4. Hair in the bikini region triggers arousal

As you have probably noticed on your own body, pubic hair tends to be a completely different texture than, say, the hair on your head. Most medical experts agree that this is because of pheromones, or chemicals that are secreted in our sweat and other bodily fluids and influence the behavior of the opposite sex.

Wait, what? You read that right! Pheromones are believed to trigger sexual interest and excitement. So, hair in the bikini region can actually act as a pheromone-enhanced product that increases your natural appeal to the opposite sex.

While pheromones may influence arousal to some extent, Dr. Streicher believes that the desired look of a vagina is ultimately a personal preference. "I really think what is far more important is what a person finds most erotic," she says. "Some men prefer no pubic hair, but others think that that is just creepy. Appearance has a much bigger impact on arousal than pheromones." Either way, it is foolish to believe that having hair in the bikini region will turn a sexual partner away. In fact, it may do the opposite!

5. There are better (& safer) alternatives

In the age of bare bikini regions, is there a method that is “safest” when it comes to hair removal? As you can probably assume, professional waxing and electrolysis (removing individual hairs from the body using chemical or heat energy) result in the least amount of irritation, allergies or other medical complications.

Margeaux is a supporter of professional removal. “As for waxing, I’ve only ever done that a few times [but] when I did it professionally, it worked super well and hair growth really slowed down,” she says. “When I did it myself, though, it was a complete failure––I literally removed zero hair.” Hair removal is not as simple as it looks, ladies!

Amber*, a student at Florida Atlantic University, prefers Brazilian waxes. "I started getting them about two years ago and they changed my life," she says. "Of course, this isn't scientific, but I feel like the experience and results just feel cleaner than shaving. Plus, yes, I have experienced pretty painful cuts and irritation while shaving." However, Amber adds that the cost of waxing is not so great.

No matter the which method you choose, Dr. Streicher emphasizes that professional removal is both expensive and painful––and that some red bumps will commonly show up no matter what. "I think that from a purely medical point of view, carefully clipping [your pubic hair] is always going to be better," she says. "But, there is nothing wrong with shaving as long as you are comfortable. I don't have a problem with waxing, I just think it takes a rare person to be able to self-wax." We could not agree more.

So, what is Dr. Streicher's final advice for the removal of hair down there? "Like anything else, use common sense," she says. "It's not like there is a huge scientific literature out there about the removal of pubic hair. Keep in mind that genital hairstyles tend to come and go, and what is in style today might not be in style tomorrow."

Like any other decision you have to make in life, the decision to shave down there is always yours and yours only. Make sure you are choosing what makes you look––and more importantly, feel––most comfortable!

From Florida to South Carolina, Her Campus just wrapped an exciting spring Tour, bringing activities and giveaways galore to chapters and campuses across the East Coast! But don’t worry, even though the tour is finished, we’re not here to leave anyone out. For those who weren't able to attend, we’re giving one winner a box of exclusive Tour gifts from our amazing partners!

A post shared by Ashley Leong (@oriental_ash) on Mar 22, 2018 at 5:24pm PDT

Here’s a look at all the stylish spring essentials you’ll win:

A Pair of Tretorn Shoes

Tretorn is inspired by Swedish design and brings modern, accessible fashion to streets all over the world. Plus, spring means it’s time for a serious wardrobe refresh, and these kicks are the perfect addition to any closet.

The Ultimate Denim Haul from Aéropostale

As the denim authority, if Aéropostale is promising a denim haul then you know this is going to be good. It’s time to tear up campus with a brand new pair of jeans (or three).

Summer Beauty Essentials from L'Oréal Paris

Running low on your Sublime Bronze Toweletettes and Smooth & Glow Pure-Sugar Scrub? Not anymore! For summer-ready skin, we’re sending a prize pack of over 15 holy grail products from L'Oréal Paris to refresh your beauty supply. And just FYI, Sublime Bronze, Pure Sugar, Hydra Genius and Pure Clay are all available at Walmart stores and on Walmart.com so you can still shop your faves all spring and summer long!

A post shared by @roserichtman on Apr 5, 2018 at 1:30pm PDT

Want to bring these chic gifts from the Tour to your door? Enter now to win!

From the #HCTour to Your Door!

Dreaming of taking a cooking class in Paris or shopping at the market in Nice? Learning another language and experiencing other culture during your college years and beyond is important, so give in to your wanderlust and begin your adventure with EF International Language Campuses!

EF International Language Campuses is giving away a 2-week language immersion course abroad at one of 12 amazing schools around the world. The winner will participate in an Intensive Course and get to live with a local host family. Plus, choose from Paris, Nice, Berlin, Munich, Rome, Madrid, Barcelona, or Costa Rica (Playa Tamarindo) to make your travel dreams come true!

The giveaway also includes:

Consultation with a personalized Study Abroad Advisor who will help with trip planning and departure and will be with you every step of the way
Course materials and books
Airfare and transfers to and from the airport
Meals (breakfast and dinner, all means on weekends)
Activities in destination like a cooking class, city tour, trip to nearby city
Round the clock support of the EF team, in the US and Abroad
Transferable US College Credit, if desired

What are you waiting for? Pack your bags and enter to learn a language abroad with EF International Language Campuses now!

Win the Study Abroad Experience of a Lifetime with Education First

Summer is on its way, which can only mean that beach days, relaxation, and good times with friends are almost here! Get ready to glow up and be your best self all summer long. For radiant summer skin, don’t be left in the cold – realize the perfect skincare routine doesn’t have to be hard! Plus, you can’t forget to grab self-tanner, because an effortless glow doesn’t have to come at the cost of sun damage.

To help get this glow going, we’ve teamed up L'Oréal Paris to give one winner ALL the beauty treats you need for your best summer self! Just enter to win below to get one-step closer to spending your summer relaxing, masking, and self-tanning for some serious skincare rejuvenation.

Here’s a preview of the products you’ll win (also available at Walmart!):

Enter to win now – your glow up awaits.

Get Glowing With the Ultimate Summer Skincare Giveaway

Can you picture your first day of college? Will you grab lunch at the dining hall with your new roommate? Or maybe decorate your wall with selfies of you and your high school BFF?

Whether you’ve just started to research and explore colleges, or you’re already working on your applications, narrowing down what college will be the best fit for you is daunting – especially when there are thousands to choose from. Not sure where to start? BigFuture, a free college planning website created by the College Board, helps find the college that’s right for you. Use BigFuture to search for schools that match your interests and priorities, comparing location, size, and even majors!

You and your parents can use BigFuture throughout the entire college application process, from exploring colleges to searching for scholarships, from learning about majors to guidance on financial aid. To get started, just create a college list using your College Board account and email address! If you don’t have a College Board account, creating one is free and easy. When you make the list and save it, it will act as a guide when it comes time to apply for colleges. There is information in each college profile on application deadlines, campus life, stats on college majors, and more.

Ready to start taking the next step towards your future? Build your list now and add a screenshot of at least six colleges for the chance to win a $500 Visa gift card to use towards visiting any college you want! Don’t forget to use the same email address associated with your College Board account.

Win $500 Toward Your College Journey!

It’s happened to all of us – you’re talking to a love interest or going on a first date or even just chatting with your partner when they start calling their ex ‘crazy’ for things that took place while they were together. It might seem normal at first; we all have some wild stories from our past relationships or exes who maybe weren’t the best for us. But maybe the word ‘crazy’ is coming up a bit too often when they bring her up or maybe the things that made her ‘crazy’ seem… pretty normal? Maybe the situations your partner describe seem like they were actually more their fault than hers? What does all of this mean, and is it a red flag for you? If you’re dating someone who calls their exes ‘crazy,’ put yourself in her shoes before you jump to conclusions.

Word choice is key

‘Crazy,’ ‘psycho,’ ‘trash,’ ‘slutty,’ ‘childish,’ ‘annoying,’ ‘shrill,’ ‘bitchy…’ Look closely at the words your partner is using to describe their ex-girlfriend. Are these words you like to be called? Is this how you’d want them to describe you if you broke up? We’re all flawed, and people break up for a reason, but impulsively calling your ex every derogatory or sexist word in the book instead of talking honestly about your relationship? That’s not a good look.

“Once I was talking to this guy and he kept telling me about how his ex is ‘trash,’” says an anonymous junior. “Now he has a new girlfriend, and when I found that out, the FIRST thing I thought about is how he probably told her that I'm ‘trash.’” If your partner is quick to use sexist words, generalizing slurs, or empty attacks to describe someone they spent meaningful time dating, take a few steps back and think about who’s more unhinged here.

Don’t think of the ex as competition

Calling an ex ‘crazy’ in front of a new partner may be deeper than average new relationship chit-chat. If your date starts immediately calling their exes every name under the sun, it may feel as if they’re trying to flatter you.Our anonymous HC collegiette recalls, “At first I (stupidly) was like 'Wow, he's implying that I'm not trash, that's so sweet!' However, this may actually be a subtle way to manipulate your loyalty and trust. If your date is eager to trash talk their exes with you, consider that they may be baiting you to trash talk a girl you’ve never met, or vow to be better for them than she ever was. “It's tempting to want to talk crap about his ex with him (it's only natural to see her as ‘the competition’) but we girls have to stick together!” Their ex is not your competition and you should not have to prove to anyone that you’re better than another woman. If your partner thinks that bad-mouthing other women is a way to compliment you or expects you to bad-mouth other women to prove yourself, run for the hills.

Question their honesty

All couples fight, and you can totally talk about your past relationship roadblocks with new partners, but this kind of discussion is not healthy when entire fights, arguments, and disagreements are chocked up to an ex being “crazy.” This kind of rationalization does not take into account one’s own responsibility in the disagreement and instead places all blame on the other partner’s personhood, and not even their opinion. Consider the stories that they’re telling you — is the ex “crazy” for speaking her mind, asking for respect, or disagreeing with your partner? Is your partner avoiding telling the full story at all, simply calling her a “bitch” as an end-all? Do you find yourself taking her side in the stories being told? Our anonymous collegiate knows these feelings all too well. “As time went on and I realized that he wasn't the greatest guy, I really started to feel for his ex. I wanted to reach out to her and say ‘Dang, this guy is really a jerk — I'm starting to take your side in all those stories he told me about the fights you had.’" These are all definitely red flags which show that they never really respected her opinion in the first place, and they might not be ready to respect yours in the long run.

Remember — ladies first

Exes should never, ever feel like your competition. No partner should ever make you feel like you have to be better than another woman. You should never feel like you have to put down another woman for a partner’s interest. In a world where women are called “crazy,” “shrill,” “crabby,” “naggy,” “bitchy,” and “bossy” just for speaking up for themselves, you should definitely air on the side of caution when you hear these words used to describe other ladies. Think of how often women are expected to perform extraneous emotional labor for their partners in fear of being called “needy,” “clingy,” or “desperate.” Think of how often women are expected to thanklessly take care of their fully-grown partners in fear of being called “cold,” “selfish,” or “vain.” Think of how often you’ve been called this things for just being a woman in the world.

Ladies — be careful out there, hold each others’ hands, and put yourself in her shoes before you take your partner’s side.

1. The decision to remove (or not remove) the hair in your bikini area is personal

In this generation, it might seem like collegiettes everywhere are supporters of a “clean” bikini area, opting for a look that is hair-free. However, statistics show that this is not the case.

2. There are some minor health complications involved

It varies from individual to individual, but sometimes, irritation is just inevitable. "There are some people who get bumps no matter what they do," Dr. Streicher says.