Having an invisible emotional plastic bubble can be comforting — it allows you to keep people at an arm’s length and helps you better dictate who you let into your life. However, that emotional unavailability can ultimately be damaging to current or potential relationships. And while we all know that all collegiettes are strong, independent women, we also know part of being strong means allowing other people into your life.

Though emotional unavailability often affects romantic relationships, it can be harmful to other aspects of your life as well. Similarly, being emotionally available can have a positive effect on your life.

“Becoming emotionally available opens up every corner of your life – not just romance, but friendships, family, business connections, educational connections. People are drawn to someone who is emotionally available,” says Bryn Collins, a licensed psychologist and author of“Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap” and the forthcoming sequel, Emotionally Unavailable Parents, which will be available in November 2018.

Sound familiar? Here are five tips for how to curb that emotional unavailability and open yourself up to better and healthier relationships.

1. Recognize any fears you have

Failure is a vital part of life. However, failure oftentimes breeds a fear of failure.

“One of the biggest reasons people cut themselves off in relationships is fear: fear of rejection, fear of not being ‘good enough,’ fear of intimacy, fear of not being in control,” says Collins.

Though fear of all of those things is understandable, it can ultimately lead to an overall lack of being vulnerable to friends and partners. Usually, when people are harboring so much fear, it’s easy to withdrawal from relationships and shut yourself off to do anything deemed as ‘weak.’

“Relationships inherently require vulnerability and many people feel as though being vulnerable is emotionally dangerous — as though their vulnerability makes them weak," continues Collins. "Actually, vulnerability is a strong position and strengthens a relationship.”

Veronika, a senior at the University of Toronto has experience with this. “I generally don't like being vulnerable and that's why it took me a bit to open up to my boyfriend,” she says.  “I think what helped is considering him a best friend and trusting him enough to confide in him.”

Like Collins suggests and Veronika knows, opening yourself up to people and confiding in them one of the best ways to start being a more emotionally available person. There’s an exchange of trust that happens, ultimately leading to stronger relationships.

2. Trust yourself

We’ve all heard that saying — before you can love someone else, you need to learn to love yourself. The same holds true when talking about trust.

“Trust is also important and trusting yourself is step one,” says Collins. “Trust has four components: predictability, reliability, truthfulness and honesty. Self-confidence is important as are good communication skills.”

While it’s obvious that most people need to trust someone in order to open up to them, it’s also equally, if not more important, to trust yourself. You need to be able to trust your own decision-making skills, your own boundaries and your own ability to communicate with your friends and SO. If you block emotions from yourself, how are you supposed to share them with those around you?

Related: What to Do If Your SO Has Anxiety or Depression

3. Set boundaries

Even though being emotionally available is important and has the ability to make your relationships thrive, it’s also good to know your own limits. Being emotionally available is hard; opening up to people makes you more vulnerable to getting hurt. With that, it’s a good idea to set your own boundaries for how vulnerable you want to be.

“Have good boundaries – don’t permit yourself to be used or abused,” suggests Collins.

While it’s good to be emotionally available, you don’t want to be available to the point of people using you or taking advantage of your emotions. This may not happen, however it’s something to be weary of.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Everyone knows that at the core of every relationship is good communication. Despite that, it can still be difficult to communicate with your partner, especially if you struggle with being emotionally available. However, lack of communication when you’re feeling particularly distant can leave your partner at a loss for what to do – which is the exact opposite of what should happen in a healthy relationship.

“It's important to keep talking about your feelings when you're in a relationship, even if it makes you uncomfortable,” says Rachel Fitzgerald, a senior at the University of Windsor. “Tell your partner how you're feeling and why – and if it's about them, make sure you don't use words like, "You always..." or "You never..." because it can make your partner feel attacked. Instead, try, "I'm feeling ____ because _____" and you'll probably get a lot further.”

Similar to being vulnerable in relationships, having good communication in relationships will make them so much stronger.

5. Find out what’s causing you to distance yourself

For some people, being emotionally unavailable may just be part of who they are. For others, it may boil down to other elements like being stressed or the way you were raised. Regardless, it’s important to work on recognizing the triggers that make you becoming emotionally distant.

“Recognizing and combating the fears … is also critical,” says Collins. “Working through fears and unlearning childhood damage help as well, perhaps with a therapist.”

Whether you recognize the causes of your emotional distance with a professional, or if you have a handle on any day-to-day things that may prompt you to pull away.

“I find that I'm usually emotionally distant when focusing intensely on school or work – I block out my SO when I'm stressed out,” says an anonymous collegiette. “It's helpful for me to involve him and remind myself that he's here and willing to help so I don't have to face everything alone.”

If you know what your stressors are and what tends to make you more distant, you’re more likely to know when you’re being distant because of your own boundaries or when the distance is caused by a different source.

Being emotionally available is definitely hard work. As collegiettes, we’re often taught to power through and sometimes that means bottling everything up even though it may not be the healthiest way to go about things. Opening up to the people around you can help reprieve you from some of the burden of carrying a bunch of stress and emotions around. So take the plunge, trust yourself and open up a bit.

Let’s get real: relationships are difficult. Whether you’ve been dating your SO for the last four days or four years, there’s always a kink (as well as the fun kind of kink) or two in even the healthiest relationship.

Even if the smallest complication in you and your bae’s relationship doesn’t seem like a big deal, it can turn into a plague on your relationship if you continue to obsess over the same small things.

After all, the little things in life matter and the little things in your relationship shouldn’t be treated any differently. Learning how to let go of certain things will help your relationship become ever healthier.

1. Overthinking

We know as soon as you tell yourself to stop overthinking, you’re going to start overthinking even more. One thing will lead to another, and you’ll be contemplating how your beau is planning to move to a different country and marry a Victoria’s Secret model all because he said he was too busy to meet for lunch today.

We can all be professional overthinkers at times, but if you’re consistently overthinking simple things that your SO does (or doesn’t do), then you should talk to your partner about this. Let them know that you’ve been overthinking things.

Communicating to your SO about why you’ve been overthinking will allow you both to understand some of the triggers and underlying reasons for your overthinking.

Related: Dating Advice I Wish Someone Had Given Me Before College

If you notice that you tend to dwell on similar situations, then you might be worried that your partner doesn’t like you as much as they used to. Talking to your SO about this can make your relations a lot less stressful.

As a chronic overthinker myself, it's better to have a discussion with your SO about how you interpret what they are and aren't doing. Rather than letting those thoughts consume your emotional health, chatting with your SO will allow you both to get some clarify (after all, your bae might be overthinking some things too).

If talking to your partner about the miniscule things that make you overthink (and the bigger picture issues that might be causing you to overthink) doesn’t help, then you both could work on ways to calm your overactive imagination:

• Don’t focus on the things that can go wrong. Harmless overthinking can be exacerbated because you only focus on the things that could go wrong. So if you start to worry that your SO is becoming distant because he or she couldn’t Netflix and binge eat pizza this week, then you should stop yourself short of thinking that bae has a side piece. Instead, think of the positive things your SO could be doing. He or she could be working, finishing an essay or even visiting the local animal shelter to surprise you with the cutest and softest puppy ever (okay, that might be a long shot, but we can all dream). Regardless, try to focus on the optimistic scenarios too, so your overthinking doesn’t consume you.

• Be proactive about your overthinking. Noticing when you’re overthinking is a skill that is mastered by few. However, when you do first notice your exaggerated thinking, don’t just think about it and wait for all those thoughts to resurface at the most inopportune time — do something about it. Think about what you can actively do about whatever it is that causes you to overthink. Whatever that action is, you need to do it (even if it’s as simple as talking to your SO or doing something for yourself to forget about your nagging thoughts).

• Realize that overthinking won’t solve anything. You probably can’t predict the future, and even if you could, overthinking isn’t going to fix whatever minor issues you’re having in your relationship.

2. Getting hung up on the differences

It shouldn’t be news that everyone’s different. Even you and your bestie have your differences (despite the fact that you both are basically twins), so it’s completely natural for you and your SO to have different likes and dislikes.

Granted, it’s important that you and your beau agree on more significant issues (like your basic survival plan if the zombie apocalypse ever happens and how many dogs you should get), but you shouldn’t fret if your partner has a slightly different lifestyle than you.

Molly Crum, a James Madison University alumna, explains that you shouldn’t “let small differences in personality or preferences totally freak you out.” Molly continues, “for example, I really enjoy working out daily whereas my boyfriend only exercises when he can around his busy schedule and if he truly feels like it. However, our differences are nothing drastic; he never tries to change me or stop me from doing my workouts, and I never pressure him to join me at the gym. Of course shared values and interests are important, but small differences can actually keep a relationship interesting as long as each of you accept the other for who they are.” After all, you shouldn’t want to change your partner.

Obviously, any lifestyle differences might seem like a deal breaker in the long run, but ultimately it doesn’t matter if your SO exercises less than you or puts milk in the bowl before the cereal (even if that does seem a bit insulting). Therefore, you shouldn’t worry about any small differences between the two of you.

3. Comparing your partner to anyone else

While you may not be verbalizing these comparisons to your SO (though if you are, seriously stop, because comparing anyone to another person is one of the worst things you can do for someone’s self-esteem and mental health), it’s unrealistic to compare your current SO to your ex.

Obviously, your SO isn’t your ex, but that isn’t a bad thing — seeing as your ex is your ex for a reason. Regardless, if you’re still doting on whatever good qualities your ex had, you should instead focus on the awesome qualities that made you fall in love (or like) with your SO. After all, it’s not very healthy to mentally compare your partner with anyone else (including other Instagram couples).

John Remus, a senior at Iowa State University, explains that also "you shouldn't compare yourself to other people." John continues, "I used to compare myself to other guys, and that made me feel really inadequate in my past relationships." After all, comparing yourself to other people (whether they're your SO's friends of a celeb) isn't healthy either and can cause some serious jealous and intimacy issues in your relationship.

Regardless, your SO is a different person (thankfully) and you should love that your bae is different. Instead of obsessing over the little things in your relationship, you should learn to enjoy your SO’s company – so you can be truly happy in your relationship.

Love is in the air, especially around the holidays. The weather is getting colder, the mistletoe is being hung and there are a plethora of holiday movie marathons happening every second of the day. This is the perfect recipe for a date with your SO, and it may even be time to say those three little words we hold so dear – want some pizza?

No, I'm only kidding. But, it may indeed be the perfect setting to say, "I love you." However, whether it's the first time or the millionth time you've said it, it's always more special to show it. There are tons of ways to share your affection for someone without words, and let's be honest, actions do speak a lot louder. Here are some creative ways to spread the love this season. 

1. Give them a thoughtful gift

When it comes to picking out a gift for your SO, you don't have to break the bank. Whether it's his or her birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day or even just a random day, giving them a thoughtful gift is a great way to let them know how you feel. Autumn Dube, a recent graduate from Emmanuel College, says she "loves to give gifts or small notes or gratitude to show she cares for someone." Some other great ideas are handwritten letters, handmade art or a compilation of keepsakes that are dear to the both of you. It's always the thought that counts, not the dollar signs. 

2. Listen to them

One of the best ways to show someone you care is the listen to them. If they start talking about something that's important to them, make sure to listen and engage with them about the topic. Let them know that you support everything that they love and enjoy--and encourage them to tell you some of their favorite stories. This also includes being there for him or her when needed. Stella Strouse, a senior at the University of Central Florida, mentions the importance of "being there for them in general even through the toughest times." Wanting to get to know someone better is a great way to prove your affection. 

3. Be spontaneous

Planning spontaneous dates and surprising your SO will keep him or her surprised and show that you care about making him or her smile. If you've spent the last three days lounging around watching Netflix (which is great), try to mix it up and plan a picnic date at the park or a night out dancing. Even if your SO is a homebody, planning a fun night out every now and then is sure to be appreciated. 

4. Make time, always

No matter how busy you may be, making time for your SO is sure to communicate how you feel. Being in a relationship is a commitment, and he or she deserves to be a part of your daily life. Make sure to allot enough time for your SO, so her or she never has to wonder how you feel or their importance in your life. If you're really busy one day or one week, make sure to send a sweet message as a reminder that you're thinking of him or her. 

5. Cook a nice meal

That fastest way to many peoples' hearts is through their stomachs. Surprising your SO with a thoughtful home-cooked meal screams "I love you." Take the time to make his or her favorite meal from scratch, or you could try a cooking delivery system, such as Hello Fresh, if you aren't the best in the kitchen. Your SO will surely be thrilled to see that you spent the time making a meal no matter how it turns out. 

6. Be forgiving

Relationships can be very hard – both you and your SO will disagree, fight and even make mistakes. If you truly love someone, you'll learn to forgive and move on. Don't hold grudges and make your SO feel terrible about something he or she has already apologized for. Try to be understanding and see the other side of every story, that's what love it about. 

7. Give small signs of affection

Or as some call it: The X's and O's. Shower your SO with hugs and kisses as often as you can. Make sure they know you don't want to keep your hands off him or her, because you are so in love. Giving frequent small signs of affection will reassure your SO that you are crazy about them – but keep it to a minimum in public. 

8. Make a secret handshake

Your SO is so much more than just your SO – they should be your best friend as well. What's better than a secret handshake between two besties? Tell your SO you want to make a secret handshake. It's sure to make him or her blush and feel special. This is a great way to show love in the littlest of ways. Little things can go a long way. 

9. Be vulnerable

One way to show your love for someone is to open yourself up to love as well. Take notice of everything your SO is doing as well, and be vulnerable. Peel back your layers and show who you really are. Giving all of yourself and receiving all of him or her in return is the best way to show love. 

Hopefully, with these tips, you'll be able to speak your SO's love language and win him or her over forever. Love doesn't have to be marked by three words--it can be shown in a plethora of ways. 

New Girl called it the “backslide” when Jess and Nick went back to their exes. “How I Met Your Mother” coined the phrase “revertigo.” Gossip Girl just blamed fate and hormones for the on and off again Chuck and Blair relationship rollercoaster.

Whatever term or excuse you prefer, there is undoubtedly some sort of phenomena that makes us return to old relationships and habits when we really should just move on. And this tendency to revert back to old ways seems maximized when we go home for the holidays. Maybe that means getting drunk with high school friends and reminiscing on the past, or maybe it means something more damaging, like returning to an old relationship that has been played out time and time again.

For some, there’s always that one person we keep returning to when we’re back to our old home address, whether it’s for the summer, Thanksgiving, or winter break. And no matter how many months you’ve been away at college, even if you haven’t thought about them all semester, once you’re back in the old zip code you’re just the same high schooler hung up on a guy. So how do you avoid this back-home backslide? How do you honor the months of progress you have made while away? And why are you tempted to backslide in the first place?

Why do we backslide in the first place? 

Let’s get to the root of the problem. Why do we backslide in the first place? According to professional matchmaker Marla Martenson, there are two major factors at play that make us return to old relationships. First is a self-esteem issue. We all want to be wanted, and past relationships remind us of what that was like. Second is humans do not particularly like change.

Related: 9 Times When Being Single is the Best

“We get used to someone, as well as attached, and it is challenging to let go, even when the situation is not ideal,” explains Martenson.

Author and blogger Stephanie May Wilson agrees that fear of the unknown can influence our decision to backslide into a past relationship because it seems like a comfortable, familiar, and fast way to stop being alone.

“I think we all share two really common fears as humans,” explains Wilson. “We fear being alone and we fear the unknown. Old relationships, even if they were hard, painful, or even destructive ones, feel like a way around both of these fears.”

Old relationships can become like security blankets. They feel safe and comfortable, sure, but they also can prevent growth. We talk and reason ourselves back into these relationships even when we know they are not right for us because we are afraid of change, we are afraid of the unknown, and we think that maybe this time, things will be different.

“We reason that even if the relationship wasn’t perfect, at least we know what to expect, at least we have a relationship,” says Wilson. “But of course, this is a destructive pattern that can keep us trapped in bad relationships for years.”

That might explain why we keep going back to that freshman year hook up when we’re bored or why our best friend is back “on again” with her on-again-off-again boyfriend, but what about being home for the holidays? Why is backsliding so much more tempting when we’re away from school and back in our hometowns?

Blame it on the nostalgia

It does not help that we are surrounded by places and people that remind us of who we used to be, and by extension, who we used to be with. Sometimes nostalgia takes over and makes us think things were really better than they were. Constant reminders and nostalgia make for a killer reminiscing combination.

“Going back home, to the place where your whole relationship existed, is like visiting a museum of your relationship,” says Wilson. “It brings back all of your old memories, and usually only the good ones, which of course sparks that thought, ‘Maybe I should call him. Maybe there’s still something there.’”

Not to mention, if you and your ex went to different colleges, just being back in close proximity location wise means higher probability of running into them at the grocery store, while Christmas shopping, or at a bar with your friends. The “out of sight out of mind” philosophy suddenly doesn’t work as well.

Is backsliding really that bad? 

So why is backsliding a bad thing? If it’s just a short-term hookup while you’re home, is it really that big of a deal?

The first thing to keep in mind is that when relationships end, it is for a reason. Maybe those reasons have changed or gone away in the time that has past, but before you think of texting him to meet up, remind yourself why you broke up in the first place.

“Your relationship ended because one of you, and probably both of you, weren’t getting what you needed out of the relationship. Or maybe it was timing, or circumstances, or your season of life, or fundamental incompatibility,” says Wilson. “Whatever the reason, your relationship ended because it wasn’t working.”

At this point, you might try to justify it to yourself by saying you have changed, or they have changed, or the circumstances are different now. Maybe your ex is even telling you himself that he has changed or will change. But in many cases, “change” is easier said than done.

“People are totally capable of changing, and maybe there will be a day when both of you will have changed into the kind of people who are just perfect for each other, but that kind of change takes a long time,” explains Wilson. “If someone tells you, ‘I’ve changed,’ or ‘I will change’ or if you’re thinking they might have changed, it’s best to really give it some time and space until you’re sure… When a relationship fails, we need to wait until we see real, consistent evidence of change before we think about diving back in.”

Remember why things ended in the first place

Your relationship ended for a reason, and more than likely that reason did not just disappear in a matter of months.  Not only is returning to old relationships potentially harmful emotionally and mentally, but it can also prevent you from moving on and finding a relationship that is genuinely good. You deserve a relationship that makes your life better and happier, not more dramatic. There comes a point when an old relationship is too worn out or broken to keep trying, but if we keep going back to a broken relationship, we won’t be able to build new ones.

“There have been years of my life when I’ve been holding out hope for someone, going back again and again because it’s comfortable or because I’m hoping something has changed,” says Wilson. “But those relationships never ever panned out, things never did change. And because I was so consumed with the past, my heart was totally unavailable for my present or my future.”

Focusing too much on the past detracts from your potential happiness in the future and just causes emotional distress in the present. Additionally, revisiting an old, comfortable relationship can make going back to school even more difficult, especially if you have been struggling with homesickness already. You won’t be able to feel at home at college if there are mixed emotions and uncertain relationships keeping you tangled up back in your hometown.

Honor the progress you've made

Meg, a sophomore at the University of Kansas, emphasizes the growth you experience during college. Reverting back to an old relationship can ruin a lot of that personal progress.

“College brings a lot of growth and change to your life,” Meg says. “If you’ve grown out of a relationship, you won’t be happy trying to mold back into the person you were when you left by getting back into a past relationship.”

But even if you know you need to move on and you have no intention of backsliding, how can you prevent a slip-up?

Prevent the backslide with reality checks and barriers

Martenson recommends putting your thoughts to paper and journaling about your feelings about the person and relationship. Include the highs, the lows, what made it great, what made it unbearable, and the mediocre in-between. Making a list about why the relationship was not right and how it made you feel will give you a more unbiased perspective on the situation. You can really think and process through the reasons it ended.

“Seeing it in black and white really helps seal it into your brain and keeps it at the forefront,” explains Martenson. “Write down what kind of relationship you would like to be in and why. Does this person fit that description? Remember, you broke up for a reason, trust your gut and intuition.”

Related: 4 Ways to Handle an Unexpected Text from an Ex

In addition, you can set up precautionary boundaries, because even if you think a backslide is unlikely now, you might think differently after a few days bored at home, or after a drink or two.

“Loneliness and a desire for comfort will cause us to do all kinds of things,” says Wilson. “Either way, thinking through it in advance keeps us from making poor decisions when the moment presents itself.”

Take measures to avoid it now, and maybe even enlist some help. Deleting their number might seem extreme, but it will definitely prevent you from texting them. It might also be helpful to go on a social media cleanse and take a break from Snapchat or Instagram for a few days. Not only will this keep you from internet stalking your ex, but it will also help you live in the moment during the holiday season with your friends and family. You can also ask your back home besties, your sister, or even your mom to hold you accountable.

Moving on, moving forward

As tempting as reverting back to an old relationship can be, especially when you’re home for the holidays, it’s important to keep things in perspective. This might include some reflection on your part if you really want to avoid your ex – remember the relationship for what it was, not what you miss right now. Think about how much you have grown and changed as a person in the months or years since the relationship has ended, and honor that progress.

“Remember the growth and change you’ve experienced,” says Meg. “Do what your future self would thank you for doing.”

The sooner you commit to moving on, the sooner you can focus on all the other great aspects of being home for the holidays. Shopping with your friends, watching movies with your siblings, and celebrating holiday traditions with your family are a far better use of your time and energy than thinking about your ex and the drama that inevitably follows a backslide.

“If you ever want to be in a relationship that’s better than this one, if you ever want to find the person who is right for you, you have to start letting go of the person who wasn’t,” advises Wilson. “And that starts by saying, “No, thanks!” when they invite you for drinks over Christmas break.”

Let’s be honest, we’ve almost all been there. More often than a lot of us would like to admit, our curiosity has led us to check out the new pool of potential partners through dating apps such as Tinder. Whether we’re looking for a genuine relationship or purely just for a little bit of fun, it can be a little nerve-wracking going to actually meet your potential boo. With all the talk about how dangerous meeting an online date could be, many of us are afraid of ending up on the end of some horror story. However, sometimes it’s worth it to take a little risk every once in a while. In any case, it’s important to be extremely cautious before agreeing to meet up, especially if it’s just to hook up. If you’re not sure if your Tinder hookup will end up as a beautiful fairy tale or a tragic horror story, here are some signs to keep in mind:

1. You’ve talked for a decent amount of time

We know, time says nothing when it comes to love. However, when it’s just a hook up with someone you don’t know a lot about, it’s important that you allow a sufficient amount of time to get to know a person before meeting up with them. You never want to agree to meet up after a three quick messages unless you personally know them or someone who knows them.

Whitney Le, a graduate from the University of Texas at Dallas, couldn’t agree more. “It’s easy to seem normal within the first few messages,” she says, “but after talking to them for a while you can pretty much tell if he’s creepy or cool.” Even if you don’t want anything serious and maybe you don’t even care where they’re working or where they go to school, it’s always important to make sure that this will be a safe encounter. Even a minimal amount of small talk can tell you a lot about the intentions of the person. After a few messages you can usually tell the creeps from the kings and queen.

2. They don’t seem reluctant on sharing personal information about themselves

One huge indicator that they’re not someone you should meet up with is if they’re reluctant on sharing personal information. Now we aren't saying that you should be worried if he won’t tell you his deepest fears and desires, but if he won’t even share with you his first and last name, that may be a huge red flag. Although he or she may just want to hide using a dating app from his or her friends, he or she could also be hiding the presence of a significant other… or even a criminal record. Even though it’s usually not that serious, the person you’re agreeing to meet up with should at least respect you enough to tell you something about themselves.

Kaitlyn Tran, a freshman at Collin College, says that this is a bad sign. “Most of the time it’s easy to tell if they’re just embarrassed or just plain sketchy,” she says. “If he won’t even tell you his real name and has only one photo, don’t give him the time of day.” We couldn’t agree more. Nothing ever comes from secrets!

3. Your conversations flow naturally 

Although it’s hard to see how well you may click with someone over text, it’s never a good sign when the conversation already seems forced. If some of the texts he sends seem to make you uncomfortable or uneasy, it’s never a good sign. A conversation over text isn’t everything, but you can tell a lot about how a person thinks by the way they text. If your conversations are always leading to a dead end or constant misunderstandings, there may be an issue. 

Joel Hurtado, a senior at the University of Texas at Dallas says couldn’t agree more. “Even though I’m pretty bad at texting, it’s still pretty easy to tell if I will click with a person or not,” he says. “If I have to constantly stop to think what I should say to a person, it’s probably not gonna work.” Of course, people are different behind the phone screen than they are off it, but it’s important to remember that most of the time, they are less afraid to show who they are behind the screen. If it’s awkward when you text, it’s probably going to be even more awkward in person. 

4. You have mutual friends

One of the sure-fire ways to tell if a person is safe is if they know people that you know. Even though this isn’t a requirement, it definitely helps. One of the best things about Tinder (unless you’re trying to hide from your friends is that since it is connected to Facebook, it allows you to see if this person knows some of the same people you do. Even if there are no direct connections, even a secondary connection could mean something. If your match is showing to have no connections whatsoever, it could be a little bit worrisome. Especially since it is mostly location-based, it’s usually pretty likely that they know someone you do. However, if they’re off the radar, that just means you should be extra cautious!

Sarah Lee*, a junior at University of Missouri, says having mutual friends helped calm her nerves. “After finding out that I had a couple friends who knew him, I was definitely a lot less reluctant on meeting him,” she says. “Even if I couldn’t tell if he was cool from talking to him, since I knew people who knew him, I knew the worst thing that could happen was an awkward encounter.” Let’s be real, awkward encounters are pretty bad, but it’s a lot better than a dangerous one!

5. They don’t seem too pushy about meeting you 

This is one sign that a lot of people look over. Although it’s okay for someone to be eager to meet you, he or she should never be pushy about meeting you. It’s always a bad sign when they’re almost getting angry at your reluctance and constantly giving you excuses for it being okay. In the digital dating world, many people understand that most people are often unsure about meeting someone for the first time. This is something that your match should respect and understand. 

Kelby Cole, a senior at the University of North Texas, says this is a huge red flag. “Your match should never guilt you into coming,” he says. “Although it’s nice for them to simply want you to come, it should never be an obligation.” If your match seems to constantly beg you to come over, it’s probably not a good idea. 

6. You think it’s time for you to get out there

One of the best things about online dating is that it gives you a chance to get out there when you may otherwise not be able to. If you want to experience something new but don’t know where to find it, this is a great reason to go for that first date. A lot of times with balancing work and school, it’s hard to find a good pool of candidates. If you are open to trying new things, what better way to do so than through a dating app?

Neal Brooks* a junior at the University of Texas at San Antonio says this is huge time saver. “It’s hard to find new people to meet in college,” he says. “It’s hard not to come off as weird when you’re approaching someone in real life, but with a dating app you know that you’re both at least somewhat romantically interested.” This could is one huge reason why you should go on that tinder date. If your mindset is open to new people and new experiences, go for it!

7. You truly want to go  

At the end of the day, it’s ultimately your choice. Sure, there are a lot of ways to make sure that your potential hookup isn’t a serial killer of some sort, but it’s also important to think about yourself. Deciding whether or not you should go is not solely based on the trustworthiness of the person you’re meeting but your personal desire to go. There’s never anything wrong with getting yourself to get out there and have a little fun if it’s something that you truly feel that you want to do. 

Thalia Carrillo, a junior at the University of Texas at Austin, agrees that this is a huge factor. “I think so many people are so worried about the safety of the whole situation that they forget to think about what they want,” she says. “Although you should never let your desires cloud your judgment, if it’s something that you have a good feeling about and you want to do, why not?” We couldn’t agree more. With all the safety reasons aside, the truth is that most of the time people on these dating sites are just as normal as you are. 

Related Article: 6 Dating Tips for Shy Girls

We all have those moments where we just want to meet new people and let loose. It’s totally okay and definitely nothing that you should be ashamed of. Although the whole idea of Tinder may have a horrible stigma around it, the truth is that there are a lot more people that engage in these activities than you may realize. As long as you’re smart about it, it could be a great opportunity to meet some really cool people. However, since the Internet is full of various types of people, being safe is of the utmost importance. If your match passes the test, don’t be afraid to go for it!

*name has been changed

Valentine’s Day means a lot of different things to different people. For some, it is a holiday in celebration of love in our lives, and a time to show those we care about our affection for them. For others, it’s an excuse to binge-watch romantic comedies with our friends over cheap wine. And still, for some, Valentine’s Day has an overarching negative connotation. Whether you’re single, casually dating, or in a serious relationship, sometimes Valentine’s Day just gets you down.

It can be a reminder of love lost or absent from our lives, or can send us spiraling into an existential crisis about the meaning of love, if we have it now, or if we’ll ever find it. When it comes to love, lines are always blurry and there’s no clear, universal answer to the many questions the concept triggers. Not to mention, the popular culture focus on romantic love, soulmates, destiny, and other romance clichés can certainly isolate a large portion of the population. So, when you create a whole day centered around love, it’s no surprise that it can seem less like a cause for celebration and more like a reason to crawl under the covers.

“Occasionally, Valentine’s Day gets me down because the constant couple posts/Instagrams/Snapchat stories are an in-your-face reminder that you’re not sharing that day with that ‘special someone,’” explains Kat Mediavilla, a sophomore at Kansas State University.

Addie Donaher, a sophomore at the University of Notre Dame, agrees that social media and society as a whole can sometimes exaggerate the prominence of the holiday and make some people feel isolated.

“Literally every store has valentines deals and couples tend to make a big deal of the holiday on social media so it can make you feel really alone,” Addie says.

However, focusing on the grand romantic gestures that only happen in movies detracts from your present happiness, and from the actual reason behind Valentine’s Day. According to creator of Self Love Beauty blog and founder of the Beautiful Me campaign Lisa Thompson, Valentine’s Day can lose its significance if we limit our concept of love to only the romantic variety.

“Sometimes Valentine's Day looks negative to people because there is a standard that this is a day for people only in relationships when, in reality, it is about love,” says Thompson.

At its core, it is a day about love—and if we’re lucky enough to have that strong human connection with anyone in our lives, from a parent, to a roommate, to a best friend, to a significant other, it deserves to be acknowledged.

If the very mention of Valentine’s Day brings you down in the dumps, it’s time to take charge of the holiday and celebrate on your own terms.

“[People who view Valentine’s Day negatively] can take control of the holiday and plan something or learn the why behind they are feeling down,” says Thompson. “More times than not, everyone just is down because they think they should be or because they are single… make the day something new to celebrate for yourself.”

Taking control can mean starting new holiday traditions with your friends and having a night out on the town, or a night in where your gang can exchange positive words of affirmation to empower one another.

“You could also use the day to show your friends how much you care for them by having a special girls’ night or just getting a little treat for those in your life who are close to you,” suggests Kat.  

Or, you could take the time to write love notes to your family members you don’t talk to as often as you should. A surprise letter in the mail could brighten a grandparent’s or parent’s day more than you realize.

“Show kindness through giving whether that is through words, friendships or affirmations,” advises Thompson. “Everyone needs to hear it.”

Maybe the holiday dedicated to love is a perfect time to enact small acts of thoughtfulness that can go a long way.

“Spending time with friends and showing you love them or even like getting flowers for yourself as a form of self-love is a good way to celebrate it,” suggests Addie.

Valentine’s Day can be a celebration of these different forms of love in our lives, but also a time to show ourselves some love, too. It can be an introspective opportunity to examine if we are giving the same love to ourselves as we give everyone else in our lives. Think about your relationship with yourself, and if you find that there’s a serious deficit in self-esteem, Thompson advises to examine the root causes of our lack of self-love. Sometimes we flat out deprive ourselves of love, and maybe at other times we recognize our worth but do not do enough to care for ourselves.

“[People can] learn to understand why they don't love themselves currently to start and build from there,” explains Thompson. “I truly think when you understand the why behind not loving yourself, you then know where to go from there. Spend time getting to know yourself.”

Not to mention, Valentine’s Day can be a great excuse to treat yo’self, in the words of the ever-inspiring Tom Haverford from Parks and Rec. Spoil yourself a little and splurge on that new makeup palette you’ve been eyeing for months, or take some “you” time at the nail salon.

“To make the day brighter, I like to treat myself to a special dinner or candy and pretend that I’m my own Valentine,” says Kat.

Valentine’s Day is a great time to celebrate you and all you have to offer. Showing yourself love enables you to show love to others and live your life more completely. It is more important than many realize, and it can be beneficial to designate Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to grow in love for everything you are, were and can be.

“Self-love is exactly that—love for yourself and when you have that I can honestly say so many other things come together,” says Thompson. “It isn't easy...honestly not at all but it is really amazing when you start to believe in yourself.”

In the end, Valentine’s Day is really what you make of it. You can wallow in misery and mourn your singleness, you can ignore the holiday altogether, or you could use it as an excuse to spoil yourself and loved ones with a little extra love and attention.

“Valentine's Day is a day about love so share it and don't be negative toward the people that are in relationships,” says Thompson. “Let them enjoy it the way they want to and you enjoy it the way you can as well. It is all what you make of it!”   

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a cause for spiraling into questioning if you’ll ever find love, or a cause for stress about defining the relationship with that repeated hookup, or a questioning time about how serious your current relationship is and where it is going. As a whole, the day is about love, and, as Hugh Grant so astutely points out in the modern classic movie Love Actually, “If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”

I’m not the friend you go to for relationship advice. I’m the friend who you complain with about the rude guy at the bar or promise to live with if neither of us gets married. I am perpetually alone not because I’m a man-hater or because I fear commitment, but because of my high standards for relationships and men.

Some of the biggest influences in my life have been TV and movies. I grew up in front of a screen, and I loved it. I still own an embarrassing number of VHS tapes, many of which are Disney movies. I’m one of those people who loves re-watching movies, and I like to recite lines just for fun. These movies, which I adored so much, are one of the reasons I have such high expectations for relationships. I know it sounds silly, but this is where my relationship issues all began.

It started when I saw Beast defend Beauty, when Prince Eric fell in love with a girl who was very different from him, and when Quasimodo was brutally friend-zoned. These characters were proof that fairytale love exists, and I expected my future relationships to be fairytale-like. All that slightly changed after my parents got divorced. My dad moved out, I lived with my mom and sister, and I spent most of my time with my mom’s female-dominated side of the family. The estrogen levels were very high, and so up went my expectations for men and relationships.

It’s ironic because you would think, with my parents’ divorce, that I would have been anti-relationships, but I just have high standards for myself and my partner because I have seen a bad relationship. I was strangely optimistic for my own love life. I wasn’t going to let myself down by getting into a “bad” relationship. If I kept my expectations high and waited as long as possible to find the right person, it would all work out. I wouldn’t waste my time, or anyone else’s for that matter by dating people I saw no future with. I promised myself I wouldn’t mess up the way my parents did. I guess I blamed my parents for not knowing that their relationship wouldn’t work out. Granted, I’m glad for my existence and that of my sister, but how much pain could have been avoided if they never married at all? 

Related: What It's Like to Date if You (or Your SO) Had Toxic Parents

Knowing what a messed up relationship can do to people, I promised myself I wouldn’t settle for mediocrity. I would never settle, period. I thought I knew what I wanted out of a relationship. But I had no way of knowing since I had never been in one.

My so-called "deal-breakers" were concepts pushed at me through TV shows, movies and my feminist family members. I had no way of knowing what my actual deal-breakers would be because I didn’t let myself date. 

I never understood what was so great about dating around. My older half-sister once told me to date all different types of guys to find out what you like in a potential partner. I completely avoided this piece of wisdom, and I missed out on some dating opportunities because I was scared: Scared I wouldn't like the person. Scared they wouldn't like me. Scared I would like that person. Scared they would like me.

This isn’t a sob story, and please don’t email me with potential blind dates. I know what my issue is here. I know I have to change this habit of comparing everything to either entirely imaginary, idealistic relationships or my parents' toxic relationship. The first step, writing this story and admitting that having ridiculously high standards, is just a coping mechanism.

Depending on the circumstances, Valentine’s Day can have mixed results. Sometimes, it means a day devoted to romance between you and your sweetheart. Other times, a collegiette can be left wondering if Cupid’s arrow hit the wrong mark. Regardless, we all have our ups and downs when it comes to February 14, and our experiences make for great stories! Here are some V-Day dates that have had a lasting effect, for better or for worse.

V-Day Victories

“My boyfriend and I have now been together for 4 1/2 years. Last year we decided that for Valentine's Day we were going to take our first road trip somewhere. We decided to spend the weekend in Washington, D.C. We went to a very nice sushi dinner, then went to see the Wizards play the Spurs (Go Spurs Go!) and then took the long way back to the hotel so we could see some of the city. The next day we went sightseeing and went to museums. Maybe it seems nerdy, but it was so fun to be away and be by ourselves. I can definitely say that weekend made us fall even more in love.” - Mel, James Madison University

“For Valentine’s Day about two years ago, my boyfriend and I took this ancient massage class at a local yoga place. We had started seeing each other about a month ago and hadn't officially decided to be exclusive, but it sounded fun and I've always liked yoga. I thought it sounded unique and interesting if nothing else. The class was mostly pairs of married couples or girlfriends enjoying a man-free Valentine’s Day. We were the youngest people there by far. Seeing a guy try to be flexible is hilarious to say the least. The fact that the class was all about celebrating and appreciating each other without the commercialism was so cool. Not to mention the massage skills you get out of it!” - Allison, University of Utah

“My favorite Valentine’s Day date happened a few years ago. My boyfriend at the time picked me up and wouldn’t tell me where we were going, which was fun because I love surprises. We ended up at an ice skating rink! Neither of us was expecting the other to know how to ice-skate already, so it was a nice surprise when we were able to focus on our conversation instead of trying not to fall. We held hands while we skated and talked for a long time. Afterwards, we got hot cocoa and pizza to warm up. It was simple and sweet!” - Briana, University of Missouri-Kansas City

Love Letdowns

“Last year on Valentine's Day, my boyfriend and I were both off at college. I wanted to spend it together, so I decided to make the five-hour drive and surprise him at school! We had a great weekend together and I left feeling proud of myself for doing something so nice. The next day (it was the actual day of Valentine's Day), I was on my way to class when I received a phone call from him. Instead of a Happy Valentine's Day, I was shocked to hear that he was breaking up with me! He said he'd met another girl and had planned to wait until after Valentine's Day to tell me. In the end I was the one who ended up with the surprise!”- Courtney, Indiana University

“I was asked out to see a movie, but when we got there it was sold out. Instead of looking for another movie, he ended the date and decided to get something to eat. He didn’t ask me to join him and then he got on the phone with his mom in front of me, telling her he wasn’t doing anything important. He then dropped me off at my dorm and told me he had a fraternity party to go to later and to have a good night. What a loser!”- Ali, Baker University

“My boyfriend of a few months and I had planned a really simple but cute Valentine’s date. We were going to go to a new sushi restaurant, and then we were going to catch a movie and get some drinks afterwards. Our meal was really good, and we had a great time at dinner, but about 20 minutes after we left I knew something was wrong. I felt so nauseous! I did some deep breathing and tried to divert my attention, but it only got worse as we went into the movie. Still, I was too embarrassed to say anything to my boyfriend. Halfway through the movie, it hit me and I got sick in the theater! It was mortifying, and my Valentine’s Day date came to a very sudden stop. Thankfully, my boyfriend was nice and we still laugh about it today.” - Claire, Ohio State University

In Between

“It was my first date with my high school boyfriend. Sinatra was playing, he had an apron on and he put roses on the table. It appeared that he had made me this gorgeous dinner! It was all so adorable! He even bought me a box of chocolates. A few months later when we were getting more serious, I told him that I would never lie to him. He said, ‘I've lied to you before...’ I was like, ‘Geez how many other girls is he dating?’ He then proceeded to inform me that his mom had made the whole Valentine’s dinner and snuck out right before I got there... and to think I had the guts to ruin macaroni and cheese the first time I cooked for him!”- Veronica, Indiana University

“I was excited for Valentine’s Day last year because I had a guy that I was beginning a relationship with. He told me to plan on going out, so I bought a new dress and tried to make myself look super cute. When he came to pick me up, I asked him what we were going to do. We ended up going to his apartment and watching a boxing match with his friends. It was not romantic to say the least, and I felt so out of place since I had dressed for a date. He paid way more attention to the TV than to me. After about an hour, I texted my best guy friend to see if he’d come get me. Long story short, he took me out to a diner after he picked me up, and now we’ve been together for almost a year.” -Emily, University of Illinois

Even if your date is heading for disaster, you could be looking back on it and laughing in the years ahead. And remember, V-Day is just one day of the year! Don’t let it be the only one with some romance involved. It is always possible to bounce back from bad dates and look forward to better ones in the future - whether they happen on Valentine’s Day or not!

Is there anything more frustrating than knowing who you’d like your Valentine to be but not knowing how to snag the date? No matter how many hints you drop, some people can remain totally clueless. This year, instead of imagining what it would be like if you were out celebrating with your crush, take matters into your hands. Here are six ways to do it.

1. Get a group together

Let’s face it — unless you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day probably isn’t your favorite holiday. Organize a casual party the weekend before the big day (the holiday falls on a Sunday this year). Invite some of your single friends over for chocolate, champagne and pink drinks and candy hearts — you know, the things about Valentine’s Day that everyone enjoys. This is a great option if you don’t know your crush that well since it feels so casual.

Once you’re at the party, use Lauren from University of Florida’s tip and see what his plans are for the big day. “I always find it easier to talk in a party environment,” says Lauren, who met her current boyfriend after chatting him up at a V-Day party three years ago. “You’re more comfortable around your friends. Ask him what his plans are and if he’d like to hang out on Valentine’s Day. If he says he can’t, you’re around enough people that it’s not awkward.” And around enough chocolate that you won’t even be a bit bummed.

2. Double up

Is your crush’s fraternity brother one of your good friends? Or maybe his sister is dating your roommate? A double date is always fun, especially if you’re looking for a Valentine’s Day option that doesn’t feel super serious. Ask your friend if she can suggest a double date to her partner.

3. Give them an offer they can’t refuse

This option is perfect if the object of your affection is someone you know really well, like a cutie you’ve been seeing casually or your best friend who you’ve been crushing on. Purchase tickets to see a band they like or get a Groupon for a restaurant you know they've been dying to try (make sure it’s valid on V-Day, though, as some Groupons exclude this day!). It’s a thoughtful approach, but still way more casual than suggesting a candlelit dinner at a five-star restaurant. Kelsey, a senior at Skidmore, purchased two tickets to see Regina Spektor and invited her then-crush to go with her. “Honestly, he was probably more excited for the concert than hanging out with me when I first asked,” Kelsey says. “But we had such an amazing time together and a concert is a pretty romantic environment. It’s a fun first date.”

4. Currently seeking: One cute crush

Okay, so you know that you want a date on Valentine’s Day, but you don’t know exactly who. How do you go about meeting a cute bae before February 14? A lot of date parties or couples-only parties take place the weekend of Valentine’s Day, so ask your friends if they know someone in need of a date. Sure, it’s a risk to go on a blind date, but even if you don’t hit it off romantically with the person, you can have fun getting dressed up and celebrating the holiday. Diane, a sophomore at University of San Diego, met her current boyfriend when, at the last minute, her friend’s frat brother was out of a date. “I thought it would just be a fun group thing, but we wound up hitting it off,” says Diane. “If I hadn’t offered to be his date, he wouldn’t have been able to go to the party and we would have never met. Guys are looking for dates too!”

5. Um, JUST ASK

Former Her Campus Real Live College Guy Ryan admitted that there’s no super secret trick to snagging a date by Valentine’s Day. “To be honest, if a girl asks me out in any way, shape or form for V-day, I'll be inclined to say ‘no doubt’ and accept,” said Ryan. However, this doesn’t mean you can go up to that hot guy who you have literally never spoken to before and ask him out on a date. Ryan clarified by saying, “This is also assuming that a) we've been flirting and b) we're attracted to each other. With that perfect scenario in mind, I'd really just say that we don't need to be asked out creatively. Last time I checked it's not senior prom.” If you’ve been talking to a guy, don’t be afraid to say, "Would you want to get dinner on Tuesday?"

6. Ask the girl who knows you best

When it comes to playing matchmaker, there’s no one who can do it better than your BFF. If both you and your best friend are single this year, make a pact to set each other up. Try to go into the situation with an open mind. You might not see yourself hitting it off the person who lived down the hall from your BFF freshman year, but she knows that you two share the same goofy sense of humor. Trust that your friend knows you best and will set you up with a person who you are truly compatible with (or can at least have a fun night with).

Maybe in a perfect world, the person you’ve been eyeing would send two white doves to your dorm room with a letter inviting you to a homemade dinner, but that’s not very likely (or convenient — can you imagine trying to get those doves out of your room? Total disaster.). Instead of waiting for Cupid, grab those arrows yourself and use these tried and true tips to fill up February 14 in your planner!

Whether you and your campus cutie have been going steady since freshman year or you hooked up at a house party last month and have been inseparable ever since, by the time February rolls around, you start feeling the pressure to come up with a fun date idea for you and your crush on Valentine's Day. Don’t fret! Here are six date ideas for Valentine’s Day that are fun and collegiette budget-approved!

Take a dance class together

Ballroom dancing? Yes! Tango for two? Sultry – definitely yes! Irish step? Er… sure, why not? So why not skip the sweaty dance floor in a frat’s basement for once and take a dance class together? You can often find a class to try out together at the gym or on campus with a student group. The workout will get your blood pumping, and even if your crush doesn’t exactly have Justin Timberlake or Taylor Swift's dance moves and you’re tripping over each other's feet – that’s okay! You’ll be having too much fun laughing with each other to care.

Host a picnic… indoors!

It’s absolutely freezing outside, so having a picnic out on the grassy campus lawns is out of the question. So why not bring your blankets indoors? Spread a blanket out on the floor, light some candles (battery-operated ones if you live in a dorm hall that doesn’t allow them) and cook up some food to share. It doesn't have to be fancy, but your SO will appreciate something a little more romantic than your Ramen noodles special. It’s way less cheesy (not to mention, cheaper) than the dinner-and-a-movie combo and it’s a good way to enjoy a homemade meal together. Bon appetit!

Stargaze at the planetarium

Ok, we’ll admit that we got a little inspiration for this idea from Friends. And while the rocky relationship between Ross and Rachel isn’t exactly what we’re approving, we think that their first date at a planetarium was still a cool idea. It beats having to get bundled up to sit out in the freezing winter night, but see if you can sneak in a Thermos of hot cocoa to simulate the experience of stargazing outdoors anyway! Many museums, art galleries, and other cultural institutions have reduced (if not free) admission for college students to take advantage of! Some colleges are lucky enough to have a museum on campus, so check one out.

Attend a poetry slam

If you’re dating the angsty artist type, then this is a date that he or she will most definitely appreciate! And even if you two aren't exactly Shakespeare’s biggest fans, these modern-day poets who take the stage often take urban themes and translate them into exaggerated, fun and heartfelt performances – so it’s definitely not the snoozefest that your Intro to Poetry class might be! Most likely, one of your favorite local cafes or bookstores will be hosting a poetry slam.

Get a massage together

Stressing over that upcoming midterm? Chances are, your S.O. is stressing about something too (welcome to college!). So why not propose that the two of you unwind with a good massage? Check out health services on your campus to see if they offer massages – some offer them to students and faculty at a much cheaper price than you would find at a spa. If not, look for Groupons and other deals on massages in the neighborhood.

Spend a snow day

Just because we’re responsible, grown-up collegiettes doesn’t mean that we can’t act like little kids every once in a while and what better way to do that than to drag your Valentine’s Day date outdoors for some wintry fun? Did someone say, “Classes are canceled?" Well no, not exactly. But you can still spend the day sledding, building snowmen and making snow angels. And if a snowball fight should happen to ensue and you “just happen” to fall on top of each other… well, you can thank us later.

The dating world is a confusing place. It begins all fun and happy with the mushy texts, Snapchats and late-night phone calls. Maybe you’ve met up to hang out a few times, or have even gone out on a couple of dates. Suddenly, you’re falling hard for your crush, wondering when you’ll finally be ready to DTR. While you’re lost in the feels, however, your crush isn’t giving off the same vibe. Don’t freak! We’ve rounded up a few collegiettes who want to share their experiences in the dating world, and how to deal with the c-word: commitment.

1. Be upfront

Being upfront in a relationship can be scary, but it can also pay off in the long run. Danielle*, a junior at Elmhurst College, says, “You should definitely be upfront and ask your crush questions such as ‘If we were to start a relationship, would you be committed?’”

There’s a saying that goes along the lines of “if you never ask, the answer is always no.” While relationships are rarely ever as simple as a yes or no answer, you’ll never truly know if your crush is looking for a committed relationship or just a hook-up if you never ask. If you’re looking for commitment, asking from the get-go could save you some heartbreak in the future if you and your crush aren’t on the same page.

Along with asking questions, it’s important to be vocal about your concerns within the relationship. If you’re concerned about the direction your relationship is headed and whether or not it’s just a fling, being open and honest about these feelings will help ensure that you both are on the same page. Tessa McKenna, a junior at Carthage College, values the importance of voicing concerns. “Bringing your concerns up to your significant other is okay! As long as it’s in a calm, healthy manner,” she says. Commitment can be a delicate subject, but approaching the issue in the right way can make all the difference.

2. Don’t force anything

At the same time, you want to make sure you’re not forcing anything. While it might be difficult to deal with the intense feelings and want for a relationship, it’s important to be sure that you’re not making the other person feel pressured into committing to something they don’t want or maybe aren’t ready for. “The best thing to do is to not force anything,” says Tessa. “Relationships are natural and develop over time.” Rather than trying your hardest to make the commitment happen, it may be better for both you and the person you’re interested in to relax and go with the flow of your relationship, and allow the nature of it to take its course.

If your crush is intimidated by the thought of commitment and you want to prevent them from feeling pressured, the situation may call for a little space. Alice Higginbotham, a junior at Northern Illinois University, offers some insight on why space can be good. “Maybe they just need time to themselves to figure out who they are and what they want,” she says. “Give them the space they need, but if you know they’re afraid of commitment and you really have feelings for them, let them know it’s not a bad thing.” While giving them some time to themselves will allow them to figure out more about who they are and what they want, reminding them that commitment doesn’t have to be scary can help reassure them and calm any anxiety they might have.

Related: 4 Ways You’re Scaring Off Your Crush (& What to Do Instead)

3. Keep in mind that everyone is different

Understand that not everyone moves at the same pace. “It’s important to realize that everyone is created extremely different — we are all unique and go through things differently,” Tessa says. Maybe your crush was not treated well in the past, which led to trust issues and fear of committing. Maybe they want to take things slow, or just don’t want to get hurt. “Not everyone can have the same level of commitment as you due to their past or their personality.”

Ultimately, understanding why your crush is uncomfortable with commitment and respecting their feelings can help you both move forward at a speed you can agree on. “Keep the communication easy and flowing and respect that they might move differently than you,” Tessa adds. Communication is key!

4. Ask yourself the big questions

It’s not only important to ask your crush the right questions in regards to what they want in a relationship, but it’s also important to ask yourself what you want as well. “If you are trying to be with someone that’s afraid of commitment, then it is important to ask yourself if it’s worth it to you to put in the extra work,” Tessa says. “If the answer is yes, then it’s crucial to understand that everyone moves at their own pace.” Giving your crush the right amount of space and time to figure out what they want is not easy, but if the effort is worth it to you, you’ll make it work.

5. Remember that time is key

Just as communication is key, time is just as huge. “Time is key — there is always room for change and growth,” Tessa says. After being vocal about what you’re looking for and taking the time to understand your crush’s needs, only time will tell if the relationship is meant to be or if the commitment is just not there.

Commitment can cause a rollercoaster of emotions, and although they might leave you dizzy from the ride, taking the right approach and understanding what you and your crush need specifically will make the rest smooth sailing. At the end of the day, understanding and respecting each other is the most important, whether the commitment is ready to be made or not.

*Name has been changed

As one of the most commercialized American holidays, it’s pretty hard to get away from Valentine’s Day. Red and pink displays filled with heart-shaped chocolate boxes and bunches of roses crowd the majority of grocery store lobbies, making it rather difficult to shop in peace. By popularity February 14 is supposed to be a romantic celebration for couples, so if you’re single, it might not be your favorite day of the year. And it doesn’t have to be! There are ways to survive Valentine’s Day without being a bitter bummer who curses every cute couple walking down the street holding hands, and here’s how:

Treat it just like any other normal day

When you were in elementary school, holidays sometimes didn’t mean much more than getting out from school. Everyone loved President’s Day because it meant a long weekend. While you still had to go to school on Valentine’s Day, you probably gorged yourself on sugary treats at the class party in the afternoon. Just as you didn’t give much significance to the day back then, you can do the same thing now.

Madison*, a sophomore at Stanford University, says, “Some people see Valentine’s Day as just another day in February and there’s no need to make a big deal about it, especially if a person is single.”

Of course, some of your friends might go out partying or taking their SO out on a fun date, but there’s no obligation for you to do the same. Madison believes “the expectation to partake in some sort of festivities is unnecessary,” as no one can make you do anything. You’re an adult (or at least trying to be).

Plus, there are so many other things you could be doing with your time instead of ironically hating on a holiday dedicated to love. It’s a waste of valuable energy that could be spent procrastinating more efficiently. Maybe you’ve been meaning to start that Gilmore Girls marathon on Netflix since winter break. It’s possible you might also want to try your hand at a new cookie recipe from Pinterest that your roommate texted you the other day.

Valentine’s Day can just be another day on the calendar if you believe it to be. The choice is completely up to you.

Make it your own and practice self-love

If you’re determined to throw an Anti-Valentine’s Day, at least consider turning it into something beneficial for yourself. In the last few years, incorporating self-love into one’s life and dedicating time to it has become a modern phenomenon.

Setting aside time to make relieve the stress that comes with academic and social drama is more important than many college women realize. There are times when you can – and should be –selfish with your private time to wind down and pamper yourself. Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to do so.

“Valentine’s Day is about giving and receiving love,” says Eirene Lo, a sophomore at Temple University. “Especially in this day and age, it is beneficial for all women, in a relationship or not, to practice loving themselves.”

While not everyone has the same self-care rituals, relaxation is often the result of the incorporated activities. Eirene believes the best practices of self-love help you connect to your physical and mental beings.

“Activities may include yoga and meditation, a relaxing bubble bath, journaling, listening to good music, and so much more. [They] do not necessarily need to be an act against the holiday, but merely an alternative as a reminder to love oneself,” she adds.

It’s almost impossible to be bitter about traditional Valentine’s Day when you’re spending time doing all the things you love.

Related: The 20 Stages of Valentine’s Day, As Told by Single Ladies 

Celebrate Galentine’s Day as an alternative

Even though it’s not an official holiday, Galentine’s Day is more than just a Parks and Recreation reference. Leslie Knope’s brunch date with her female friends has become a real celebration of women showing love and appreciation for other women. Some of the most important people in your life are the sisters you never had. Take Valentine’s Day as opportunity to spend time with your girls and thank them for putting up with you all these years.

Liv Brooks, a senior at the University of Pittsburgh, says, “I think [Valentine’s Day] can absolutely be about your friends! Most of my friends are single, so we use Valentine's Day as an excuse to have some quality time – drink some wine or maybe try out a new restaurant. My friends are the biggest part of my life at school, so I like that there's a day dedicated to appreciating them.”

And if you know the majority of your friends will be busy on Valentine’s Day, plan a get-together on Galentine’s Day, February 13. Going out and having fun the day before can work in your favor because you can then spend Valentine’s Day pampering yourself. And this way, you’re having you’re not technically participating in any typical romantic affairs without being bitter.

With Valentine’s Day approaching, there’s no need to angrily protest against all things romantic and sappy. There are plenty of options to turn the holiday into something that celebrates a variety of relationships. And if you’re still not thrilled about it, the thing to remember is that it only lasts 24 hours. It’ll be over before you know it.

*Name has been changed

You finally got the courage to talk to that cute guy from your class, and one night at the bar, he made a move. You’re both having fun, but you decide to keep it casual without any real commitment. When your friends ask about him, you respond that you’re “hanging out” and nothing more, and you feel confident in this answer… until February rolls around. That’s when you realize that fun and flirty has the potential to get really awkward.

Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love and friendship, but it’s more commonly known as the Hallmark holiday to get romantic with your SO or drink wine with your best friends. It can be fun whether you’re single or taken, but can be tricky for those of us whose relationship statuses aren’t so clearly defined. If you’re casually seeing someone, Valentine’s Day can get awkward. Here’s HC’s guide for how to handle your casual hook-up on February 14.

You’re not official, so you don’t have to do anything special

The biggest source of your anxiety probably comes from wondering if you have to do something special with your casual hook-up on Valentine’s Day. There’s definitely pressure to be romantic on February 14, but if you’re not official, the experts say celebrating Valentine’s Day together isn’t required.

“A gift would be nice, but definitely not necessary if you’re not in a defined relationship,” says Dr. Ish Major, psychiatrist and dating expert.“You’re not obligated to see each other, get together, go out or even hook up on that day. It’s not a ‘relationship,’ so it’s likely not exclusive.”

If you want to keep things strictly casual with your hook-up, consider doing something else on Valentine’s Day, whether it’s a chick-flick marathon with your girls or pampering yourself with a pedicure. You might be involved with someone, but you’re technically single, so show yourself some love instead!

Small gifts are okay to give

On some level you probably care about your casual hook-up, so if you want to get him or her something small, make sure it’s more funny than romantic.

“If you are not in an official relationship, but see something that reminds you of the person, it is a lovely gesture to give it to him or her,” says Jodi RR Smith, etiquette consultant and president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “However, if you want to keep it casual, keep the gift on the light and funny side and under $20. When in doubt, a card is a great way to do something without it being too much.”

Dr. Ish encourages erring on the side of caution so you don’t send the wrong message. “Be careful [with gifts],” he says. “You don’t want to send the wrong message that could change the dynamics of what you have. It’s a balancing act.”

For example, instead of getting your casual hook-up a teddy bear holding a heart that says, “I love you,” give your hook-up some of his or her favorite candy or a funny card. You want to send the message that says, “I care about you” versus, “I’m madly in love with you.” A good rule of thumb: If you would feel uncomfortable getting the gift from your casual hook-up, don’t give it to him or her.

Giving gifts can get potentially awkward, especially if one person doesn’t reciprocate. If you decide to get your casual hook-up a small gift and you don’t receive one in return, don’t take it personally. “Remember the phrase: ‘Nice but not necessary,’” Dr. Ish says. “[The person] you’re hooking up with might be shy about giving gifts for Valentine’s Day because they don’t want to send a too strong of a message. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about you or think less of you; it just means they’re unsure of what, if anything, to do.”

On the flip side, if your casual hook-up gets you something for Valentine’s Day and you’re caught empty-handed, don’t freak out. Instead, stay calm and thank him or her sincerely. “Look him or her in the eye and say, ‘Thank you so much for thinking of me!’” Smith says. “Remember: A gift is not given with the expectation of getting.”

Don’t be afraid to talk about Valentine’s Day plans

The best way to avoid awkwardness on Valentine’s Day is to just have a conversationabout it. You might feel uncomfortable bringing it up depending on how long you’ve been hooking up or how casual the relationship is, but if you don’t want to keep guessing, bring it up casually without adding any pressure.

“You can say, ‘Hey, I wasn’t planning or expecting anything but I just wanted to double-check. Are we doing anything for Valentine’s Day?’” Dr. Ish suggests. “Keep it casual; keep it light. But do ask. [There are always] expectations or lack thereof, so it’s better to talk about them early than letting the day come and having it turn into something awkward.”

Want something a little subtler? Instead of flat-out asking, make a joke about how over-the-top convenience stores get with the holiday or ask what he or she’s doing that weekend in general. It would get the conversation started so you can gauge how your hook-up feels about the holiday, and then you can decide to make plans or not!

Whether you want to do something for Valentine’s Day or not, talking to your casual hook-up can be a lot easier than trying to guess what will happen on February 14. As long as you’re clear about how you feel and your expectations for Valentine’s Day, you can avoid the awkwardness!

If you find yourself somewhere between “just friends” and “in a relationship” with someone, Valentine’s Day can be a tricky situation. Before you rush to define your casual relationship or end it, keep these tips in mind so you can successfully avoid any awkward encounters on February 14!

Valentine's Day, also known as Singles Awareness Day, is here. Some girls are preparing to celebrate the day with their significant others, while the rest of us are beyond ready for Chocolate-On-Sale Day (aka February 15), so we can treat ourselves. It's important to remember that being single doesn't automatically mean we're lonely. Take it from the independent, free-spirited Phoebe Buffay. You don't have to be in a relationship to enjoy life. You make your own happiness.

1. You can let your phone die without the worry of your SO trying to get ahold of you

Your friends probably know you're just binge-watching Friends and not lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

2. You can flirt with whomever you want

You can date around or not date at all. The choice is all yours.

3. Sweats all day, every day

The only person you have to impress is yourself. 

4. You don't have to feel guilty for not spending enough time with your friends

The perks of a nonexistent partner. 

5. More time for yourself

Whether you enjoy Netflix and curling up in bed with cozy PJs or sitting in your tub with a good book, you have more time to unwind and do something that makes you happy for you and you only. 

6. There's more time for self-discovery

Join a book group, go ziplining, do any new activity you've been wanting to try but haven't had the time or energy to do. Use this free time to your advantage and you may just learn something about yourself along the way. 

7. Trashy television shows

The Bachelor, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, you name it. Any show that would send a guy running, you can binge to your heart's content when you're without an SO. 

8. You save money

There's no need to worry about anniversaries and planning something special for your partner, a gift or a surprise date. 

9. You control the TV remote

Chick flicks, reality shows, whatever you're into, you're in charge. There is truly no greater luxury than this.

10. You get to treat yourself any time you want

Depending on yourself means there's no possibility for someone else to disappointment you. That new purse you've been eyeing for a month? Girl, buy it for yourself. You deserve it. 

11. The freedom to participate in no shave November any month out of the year

Although you can totally do this even when you're in a relationship (your body, your choice), there's more incentive to let your hair grow. No one's going to see it anyway.

12. Cuddles from your pets are really all you need 

Unlike SOs, love from a pet is unconditional.

13. You can crush on whomever you choose

You're not tied down, and there's something fun about discussing your latest crushes with your friends.

14. You have only yourself to answer to

Independence and freedom are your middle name.

15. More time to do those DIY projects you've been wanting to get to

Personal satisfaction is the best kind of satisfaction, so let those creative juices flow. 

How perfect does it feel to be someone’s one and only? We’d bet our entire savings that life feels like a Disney movie right down to little magic birds singing at you. It’s called first love, baby, and it’s got you under its spell.

Maybe you are both virgins to dating, discovering what falling for someone is like for the first time. Maybe you’ve already been through a serious relationship before and are currently your partner’s first real girlfriend. You’re the old, wise, ~experienced~ one, while your partner is new to, well, everything. When one person is experienced and the other is not though, first love can with come with challenges. Here are the best and worst parts of this situation.

Pro: You’re under pressure—in a good way.

We bet that to this day you can remember your first childhood crush. Whether his name was Jacob and you put love notes in his pencil box or their name was Sam and you held hands during recess, the same goes for your first serious relationship. For the rest of your partner’s life, you are going to hold a weight in their heart that lasts. That’s a lot of pressure, right? Hell yeah it is, but let’s make it a good thing instead of something that sends you running to the hills screaming.

Laura Parker, a senior at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, shares how the memory of her first serious partner lingers with her—in a good way. “My last boyfriend was my first love—and first everything else, too,” she says. “Although he wasn't the first person I've dated, he was considered as my first actual serious one. We aren’t together anymore obviously, but when I’m 80 and haggard looking I’ll still be able to tell my grandchildren every detail about the first person I loved because it just matters.”

First love is a sticky sweet knot in your stomach. It’s common to interchange “first love” with the feeling of “true love” (because it probably feels the same at the moment, tbh). It’s powerful because you are experiencing it for the first time. Maybe you took your partner’s virginity or are the first one they’ve brought home to meet their family. Even if your partner isn’t your first, cherish moments like these. They’re more meaningful than you know.

Con: Your partner may handle the relationship differently than you.  

Getting into the groove and routine of how to handle a relationship like a semi-functioning adult takes time, but it can be a rough process if your partner is completely new to the party. When you’re a seasoned dater, you’ve mastered the art of having chill. You’re pretty conditioned to how relationships work, and know you don’t need to be together every second of the day or freak out if your partner doesn’t text you back. Maybe your partner can’t quite grasp this yet, so it’s important to share with them what you’ve already learned.

Angie House is a counselor at Illinois State University and specializes in dating and relationships. She’s pretty much the life coach you’ve always wanted to have, but haven’t been #blessed enough to meet. Luckily for you, she shared some of her romantic wisdom with us. “Speaking from personal experience, my first love was immature and shallow compared to the love I have for my husband,” she says. “With your first love, there is an overwhelming set of emotions that you don't know how to deal with yet. The next time, and the time after that, and the time after that, you get ‘better’ at loving and being loved, and can develop those feelings more deeply and with better understanding.”

With first love, there’s a sense of immaturity, but that doesn’t mean the love won’t grow or be lasting. You need to grow and change together, especially in college. Every tough emotion and worry you and your partner have is valid (we all ride the romantic struggle bus), but as your life progresses, your sense of urgency is reshaped. AKA you get woke and develop chill. It’s literal relationship goals.

Related: 5 Signs Your Significant Other Really Loves You

Pro: You’ll be their first for so many special experiences.

Every little thing you do, down to eating a burrito, is magical and gets put on a pedestal. You brought them donuts in bed for breakfast? Wow, you are goddess. You are the first person they’ve ever brought home to meet their mom? That’s because there’s no one like you. We aren’t trying to be snarky, because it’s true. You are special to them, and being with someone who loves you harder than you’ve ever been loved is the most reaffirming, secure and blissful thing you can experience.

House again shares her personal experience with the pros and cons of first love. “I'd say that there really isn't another time you will have an experience like your ‘first love,’” she says. “However, you will grow to realize that the first isn't always the best. I dated a really sweet guy through high school. He was a great person and I loved him very much. We shared many ‘firsts’ with each other and much of that was the reason it took me a long time to get over him. Even now I look back on my time with him and I'm happy that we enjoyed each other.”

Whatever it is, they will forever hold dear that special moment between you and use it as a reference point of joy for the rest of their lives. Take all the personal growth you’ve experienced and evolve into your girlfriend megaform for the best relationship yet. After all, if you’re going to be remembered forever, shouldn’t you at least be thought of as Beyoncé incarnate?

Con: You can hurt them in a lasting way.

Do you remember how painful it was when your first boyfriend or girlfriend hurt you? They said something they shouldn’t have, left you feeling insecure and you cried for days saying you would never forgive them. Let’s face it––your first relationship left you a scorned, bitter woman with trust issues up the wazoo. (Or you’re lucky and haven’t experienced this yet, or your partner was literal a saint.) Even worse, can you remember the first time you were broken up with? Now imagine inflicting all the pain and suffering on someone else.

Myelle Lansat is a sex and relationships writer at Elite Daily and Jerk Magazine at Syracuse University. She understands just how sad your first serious partner can make you. “The one thing you can avoid by staying with your first love is the period of horror that almost everyone in the world who has lost their first love goes through,” she says. “They have cut off a limb and let it scar over. Now we all roll our eyes at the pain of someone experiencing that loss of a part of themselves for the first time.”

The second or third time around, your relationship not working out hurts a little less. Abandoning your dreams for a life with that person is painful AF. But as you do it more you get used to it. It’s not cynical, it’s just the truth. You become desensitized to loss, and it won’t feel like a mortal wound to have love end.

Related: 4 Ways Sex Changes the Longer You’re With Someone 

Pro: You have a partner who deeply loves you.

Umm, hello! You’re in a relationship! Do you know how many single ladies in the world are jealous of you right now? Seriously, you have someone to bring to your awkward family gatherings, eat food with and cuddle while you binge-watch Gossip Girl for the third time. Plus, your partner is low-key wrapped around your finger, and we’re sure you’ve never been loved like this before. Is this enough of a pro? Because we totally think so!

Real talk though, falling in love with someone who has only. loved. you. is the best thing ever.

Con: You probably won’t end up with them.

If you’re an experienced dater, you know the importance of breakups and growing from them. Dealing with heartbreak and binge-eating ice cream has helped shaped your love life and will eventually lead you to the end of your rainbow. You also know that you can love someone more than your first. You know the importance of being weathered, because it also makes you polished.

Laura Parker, senior from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, elaborates more on why first loves are likely to not work out. “The pros of dating someone who hasn't been with anyone else is that they have no other experience to compare,” she says. “But the biggest con (part of why he broke up with me) is that because they haven't had any other experience, they also may wonder what else may be out there or if there is someone better (especially when relationships get rocky).”

If you’ve had other relationships while you are your partner’s first, you have to come to terms with the fact that even though you’re ready to stay with this person, they might not be ready to stay with you. They haven’t had the chance yet to go through loss or emotionally and romantically challenge themselves like you have. Truly, everything is situational and you are by no means doomed. However, don’t shelter yourself from coming to terms with a disappointing possibility like this one.

The spell of first love is beautifully confusing, and no matter what happens, you’ll get your fairytale. True love means evolving into better people and lovers every day, and if your first love lets you do that, then it’s safe to say you’ve found your soulmate.

Planning for Valentine’s Day can be stressful and chaotic. And depending on what 'stage' your relationship is in, it can be difficult to decide what’s best to do for this special day with your SO. Whether you two just started dating or you’ve been dating for so long everyone keeps asking you when you’ll get married, here are some different date ideas for every relationship stage.

1. The 'Honeymoon' stage

We all know this stage. It’s the stage where everything is sunshine and daisies and rainbows. You’re completely obsessed with your SO and you want to make sure your first Valentine’s Day with them is absolutely perfect. There are plenty of good date ideas for the infatuation phase, but you can never go wrong with the classic dinner and a movie date. This allows you two to get dressed up nice, spend some quality time together over a yummy meal and a good movie. Other cute ideas for this stage include going ice skating together, playing indoor mini golf and going bowling. These are also classic date ideas couples typically go on if they’re just getting to know one another, and the element of competition always makes things more fun!

The honeymoon stage of a relationship often has added pressure to have the perfect first Valentine's Day date, so remember to just take a deep breath and relax! Whether you two have been dating for a short amount of time or you’re rounding the one year mark, remember what this holiday is really about: expressing your love for your SO.

2. The 'Understanding' stage

The 'understanding' stage is a tricky one. This is the phase where you and your SO have been together for around a year or two. You’ve gathered an understanding of one another, such as your weird habits, daily routines, as well as your likes and dislikes. And sometimes, your dislikes can butt heads. You’ve passed the honeymoon stage and you're entering the stage where you realize you don’t totally love everything about your SO. Sometimes you two have different opinions on things, which can include plans for this year’s Valentine's Day.

If you’re struggling to find something you both enjoy for Valentine’s Day, try to brainstorm the things you both like to do together. Then, compromise so you get to do something you both enjoy. A good idea for couples who are in the limbo stage of “understanding,” is to do a Valentine’s Day activity where you learn something together, such as a cooking class or a wine and painting class. Other date ideas can be taking a trip to a museum, an art gallery or taking dancing lessons together. What’s great about all of these ideas is you get to learn something new together, while also learning more about each other at the same time!

3. The 'Comfortable' stage

The 'comfortable' stage is exactly as you’d expect; you two are extremely comfortable with each other at this point in your relationship. You’ve probably been together for three to four years and you’re comfortable wearing no makeup, bra or real human clothes around them, because let’s face it, they’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly. The comfortable stage can be a good one, as you both know what to expect from one another and nothing less. And while it’s good to be 100 percent comfortable with your SO, that can often lead to a lack of a 'spark' in the relationship, where the most exciting thing you do together is stay in and watch Netflix every weekend.

If you’re looking to shake things up, try doing something different for this Valentine’s Day, such as a make your own scavenger hunt challenge! What you do: create little clues for each other and hide them around your town. Think of an end goal in mind, such as meeting at the place where you first met and use those clues to lead your SO to that particular place. Then, surprise them there and finish off the night with whatever your 'end goal' was.

Other 'comfortable' stage date ideas can be recreating your first date together, hitting up local clubs, or doing a bar crawl. Dates that make you go out of your comfort zone are bound to be fun, especially if you two are together.

4. The 'We're Basically Married' stage

We all know that one couple who has been together for what seems like forever. These are the couples that are pushing the five, six, or even seven year mark this Valentine’s Day, and they’re basically getting asked when they’re getting married. If you and your SO are these people, congratulations! That’s a long time sharing your life with someone, and this Valentine’s Day do something extra special to celebrate all of the good times together.

A great idea to celebrate your love for each other is to plan a weekend getaway. Book a hotel room away from your housemates and all the chaos from school, and take time to relax together. You can swim in the pool, or a have a wine and movie night in your room. Another extra special date idea is road tripping together! Find local cities and attractions around your area that you both have always wanted to see and hit the road, enjoying the sights and each other’s company.

Valentine’s Day plans are exciting but it’s easy to get stressed about them, especially if you’re just begun your relationship, or you’ve been together for so long you’ve run out of ideas. Remember to enjoy this day no matter what 'stage' you’re in, and remember all of the reasons why you’re smitten with your SO. That’s what Valentine’s Day is really about; appreciating the person you’re with and showing how much you care.

Remember the good old days when Valentine’s Day was all about bringing candy to your elementary school classroom and exchanging Disney Princess-themed cards? There was no pressure, no stress, and no expectations—just a sugar rush that rivaled the one you had on Halloween. But fast-forward ten years and (if you’re a single collegiette) the holiday becomes a dreaded day of self-pitying, eating chocolate that your imaginary boyfriend bought you, and glaring at that couple holding hands. Lucky for you, it doesn't have to be that way this year. If the only spooning you’ll be doing this Valentine’s Day is into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, read on to find out how to spend the holiday of love solo—and enjoy it!

Pamper yourself

Who says you need a king to make you feel like a queen? Follow in the footsteps of Tom Haverford on Parks and Recreation and Treat Yo Self by primping and indulging in all your guilty pleasures. Get a manicure. Make a DIY facemask and listen to your favorite Pandora station while it sinks in. Moisturize away all the damage that winter has done to your skin. Deep condition your hair. Finally take the time to shave your legs—especially if you can’t even remember the last time you did (…uh, summer?). Get that Frappuccino at Starbucks that you usually pass on.  Do whatever you want to do because this Valentine’s Day you can have your cake and eat it too—and go back for another slice.

Have a movie marathon. . . 

...But ditch all the classic Rom-coms that will remind you that you’re Forever Alone. Instead, opt for comedies. Invite over your other single friends, make some popcorn, sit back and relax, and laugh until your stomach hurts (or maybe that’s from all the chocolate…whoops). There’s nothing wrong with re-watching a movie you’ve seen a hundred times, like Mean Girls, Superbad, Bridesmaids, or Wedding Crashers (or maybe re-watch The 40-Year-Old Virgin to remind yourself that things could be worse). Looking for something more recent that you never got around to seeing in theatres? Try Boyhood or The Skeleton Twins. Don’t have enough time for a movie marathon or even just one movie? Watch an episode of your favorite TV show!

Host a potluck dinner

While your wifed-up friends are having candlelit dinners with their significant others, you can host a delicious potluck dinner. Whether you live in an apartment, house, or dorm room, invite friends over for a potluck dinner. Designate different people to bring an appetizer, main dish, dessert, or drinks. If your crew is lacking cooking skills or kitchen access, check out this list of meals you can make in the microwave for easy, convenient ideas. Or, snag food from the dining hall or different restaurants on campus and pretend you made it. Bon appétit!

Read up

When was the last time you’ve read? Not a textbook, or an article for class, or your Facebook newsfeed, but a book you actually want to read. Reading for pleasure is hard to fit into a busy schedule, but it can be so relaxing—and it can take your mind off of the roses and teddy bears and candy hearts invading your day. Deena*, a sophomore at the University of Michigan, renewed her love of reading over winter break with Gone Girl, a recently published novel by Gillian Flynn. “I could not put it down. I highly recommend it,” she says. Whether it’s a new bestseller, a Chelsea Handler book, a raunchy Fifty Shades Of Grey-esque story or even a magazine, pick up something to read. Even if it’s just for the 20 minutes you would be spending scrolling through Instagram, it’ll make you feel better. 

Indulge in some retail therapy

You don't even have to buy anything; window-shopping or online browsing is therapy too. Spring is right around the corner, so get a head start on planning how you want to update your wardrobe. Check out this article on the timeless rules of style for ideas! 

Work it out

Just because you’re single doesn't mean you shouldn't get any action on Valentine’s Day… in the gym, that is. “Exercising is a great way to blow off steam, clear your mind, and feel good about yourself,” says Cate*, a sophomore at the University of Michigan. “If I’m ever in a bad mood or stressed, I go on a run and always feel better after.” Try something fun you’ve never done before, like Zumba. Don’t feel like trekking to the gym? You can work out in your room. And if you equate exercise with torture or are just feeling super sluggish, something low-impact and relaxing like yoga can do the trick.

Do something nice for someone 

The holiday is all about celebrating love, so you might as well use it as an opportunity to show the people in your life that you care about them. Even if it’s something small, like calling your Grandma who you haven’t talked to in weeks, or treating your friend to fro-yo, you’ll feel good about it and so will they—it’s a win-win! You could even find a volunteering or community service event on campus that day and get a group of friends together to go help out. 

Have a girls’ night out

Nice restaurant, frat party, your favorite bar, concert, dance club, student-produced play—your options are endless. However you and your friends like to have fun, make the most of Valentine’s Night by dressing up and going out. Try a new place you’ve been meaning to go to, or look online to find out if anything exciting is going on around campus or in the area. You may even get some free drinks out of it; single guys get lonely on this holiday too! Wherever you go, make sure to make a reservation in advance if possible!

In the words of Sam Adams (the rapper, not the beer), “Single doesn't mean I’m looking for somebody.” College isn’t about getting an MRS. degree. You have your whole life to find love—take the time you have now to discover yourself, have new experiences, grow and be independent, and make amazing friends. Recognizing all the reasons you love flying solo will remind you that it’s nothing to mope about.

However you choose to celebrate, make this Valentine’s Day a good one. When you think about how great being single in college really is, you’ll be digging into that Ben & Jerry’s in celebration, not self-pity.

*Name has been changed

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I’m sure everyone expects a single 21-year old to be bitter AF towards Valentine’s Day, and you wouldn’t be wrong. I’m a single 21-year old, and I’m all for the bitterness on Valentine’s Day. Maybe things would be different if I were in a relationship and had the opportunity to spend the day with my S.O. But *sigh* I’m single, and I simply don’t understand the purpose of Valentine’s Day. This isn’t a freshly discovered bitterness; I’ve been fueling my hate fire for the ~holiday of love~ since a young age, and it has stuck with me all this time.

It all started in second grade. We were exchanging cards and candy with our classmates on Valentine’s Day. I bought generic cards and lollipops for everyone––except my crush. For him, I crafted a Paper Source-worthy handmade card and attached a heart shaped piece of chocolate (I know, I was total girlfriend material). I spilled my heart out in this hand-written letter, confessing that I “liked” (like, like-liked) him. I was so incredibly confident that this card would win him over. Needless to say, it didn’t work…at all. In fact, he showed all of his friends the very personal card that I made for him and even gave the piece of chocolate to another girl! It was like The Bachelor, but for elementary schoolers. My 8-year-old heart was broken, and I haven’t been the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day ever since.

Every year, I continue to question this insignificant holiday. Why is there one specific day dedicated to showing off your #relationshipgoals and giving your S.O. the appreciation they deserve for putting up with you? Don’t people in relationships do that every day? Couples buy elaborate gifts for each other to celebrate the day, too. From giant teddy bears to diamond earrings, the amount of money spent on Valentine’s Day is mind-blowing. According to the National Retail Federation, the total spending for this insignificant holiday is expected to top $18.2 billion. That’s nearly $140 per person. And doesn’t it seem odd that part of Valentine’s Day is literally giving and receiving gifts to prove love for one another?

Also, I’m wholly unsatisfied with the portrayal of singles on Valentine’s Day. In pop culture, the single people eat their feelings on V-Day, stuffing their faces with Godiva chocolates that they have to buy for themselves because they have no lover to buy it for them. Apparently, Valentine’s Day is the day when the singles mope around, questioning why they haven’t found “The One”. Did it ever occur to anyone that single people might be happy about their relationship status on such a day?

I must admit, it would be nice to spend Valentine’s Day with a significant other. I’ve never been in a relationship, so if we’re be honest, spending any day with a significant other would be a dream. But all of the hearts, chocolates and roses surrounding Valentine’s Day can make a single person feel ashamed. It’s just a reminder of the loneliness they may feel and an glowering reminder of their lack of a romantic life. That doesn’t seem very fair to me.

Here's my suggestion: Valentine’s Day could instead be about love in general, not just romantic love. I’m tired of feeling ashamed of being single. I want to just continue living my life, treating the day like any other day. But again, society (and chocolate-producing corporations) perpetuate the modernized idea that V-Day has to be about romance. And it's impossible to ignore.

I’m all for continuing my bitterness towards this day, thank you very much. And yes, I’ll confess, I am incredibly jealous of people in relationships when February 14 rolls around each year. But honestly, I don’t have a problem buying myself a box of chocolates if no one else will buy them for me. And unlike people in relationships, I can eat the entire box by myself without sharing.

So, to my fellow single ladies spending this Valentine’s Day alone, treat yourself! You don’t need to spend a whopping $140 on a gift for your significant other. Instead, spend that money on a shopping spree or a spa day for yourself. Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be about the love for a significant other. Make the day about loving yourself, loving your BFFs, loving pizza, or whatever else your yearning heart so desires. But don’t stop being bitter––us single girls have the power to alter the societal view of Valentine’s Day. Even if one day, “The One” comes along and you spend the day buying gifts for your lover, enjoy this year’s holiday loving yourself.

Making Valentine’s Day absolutely perfect for your significant other can be a lot of pressure. However, buying a fancy gift or splurging on that five-star restaurant down the street will sometimes cause more stress than it’s worth/ On Valentine's Day, our Instagram feeds are flooded with sappy pics and captions about how cute some girl’s bae was for surprising her with a bouquet of roses. As college students, let's face it—some people just can’t afford to do that!

If you’re looking to make this Valentine’s Day special for your SO but feel strapped for cash, here are five Valentine’s Day date ideas that won’t blow your budget. 

1. Cook dinner together at home

Food is the way to anyone’s heart, and what better way to woo your boo than make dinner with them? This is a simple, yet intimate Valentine’s Day activity that you both can participate in. Use food you already have in your house, turn on some nice music and enjoy having fun together while also creating a yummy meal.

2. Have an indoor picnic

A picnic is one of the most romantic and classic date ideas. Unfortunately, it can be a struggle to plan one in the middle of February, especially if you live in a colder climate. The solution? An indoor picnic! Lexi, a senior at Johnson University, says indoor picnics are one of the easiest (and cheapest!) dates that she likes to have with her boyfriend. "During an indoor picnic, you sit on the floor with blankets, a picnic basket and some dishes. You eat your favorite foods that you packed together, and just enjoy each other’s company. The bonus is you get the total picnic experience without having to go outside!"

Another way to make this date even better is by making a fort for your indoor picnic. Nothing is more fun than getting snuggled up next to your SO with a bunch of cozy pillows and blankets, especially when you have yummy food around. Pop in a movie or binge a Netflix show to get the full effect of the date. 

3. Volunteer at an animal shelter together

The classic dinner and a movie doesn’t always have to be your go-to date, especially on Valentine’s Day when you probably want to do something different. If you’re thinking of changing things up this year (and again, trying to save money), one of the most rewarding and fun activities to do with your SO is to volunteer at an animal shelter together.

Before you go to the shelter, contact the manager/director to make sure you have permission to volunteer, and to ensure you meet all of their background checks and requirements. Then, once you’re given permission, together you can take the puppies for a walk, play with the kittens or help the staff members clean the cages and kennels. While volunteering may not be your typical date, it will be a special bonding experience that majorly helps out an organization in need. And you get to play with puppies! (So, like, what’s better than that?)

Related: 7 Adventurous Date Ideas

4. Have a massage night

Nothing says romantic like getting a massage together, but if going to the spa and getting a couples massage is out of the question, you can easily DIY the same experience. Turn down the lights, light some candles, put on some relaxing music, and take turns giving each other a massage using any oils or lotions you have at home. This can be relaxing and sexy at the same time, especially for couples that could use time to unwind together.

It can be stressful to plan the "perfect" night for you and your bae this Valentine’s Day, especially if you’re concerned about spending money. However, the best and most memorable dates some of our collegiettes planned for their SOs were absolutely free, proving that cash spent does not correlate with date quality. Taking time to make plans with your SO for this Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be expensive or stressful—It can simply mean just popping in a movie, having a picnic indoors or sharing a homemade meal. As long as you get to spend time with your SO, that’s the only thing that truly matters.

Whether you’re freshly out of a relationship or still putting the pieces together months afterward, running into your ex in public can bring on a slew of emotions. The nostalgia may begin to kick in, or the hurt you may feel may make you want to kick them. There’s no way to predict how you may feel in the moment, but here are five different ways to handle seeing your ex in public post-breakup.

1.  Don’t say anything if you don’t want to

You aren’t obligated to speak if you do not feel comfortable. Not speaking does not make you rude or mean that you are running away from your problems. If you just can’t find the appropriate words to say in your head, don’t say anything.

Vanessa Reyes, a sophomore at Georgia Southern University, thinks not speaking can avoid making an already awkward situation even worse.

“I ran into my ex in the grocery store, and because we made direct eye contact, I smiled and waved,” she said. “Because of the nature of our breakup, I don’t believe I owed him any words, but I wanted him to know I was okay with his existence.”

You know the saying “some things are better left unsaid,” and in this case, that rule could very well apply.

2. Break the ice

This may be easier said than done, especially if the relationship ended very painfully. However, speaking up first can show that you are in control of the situation and are doing well (even if it’s a façade).

If you approach your ex with a hello and they seem eager to engage in conversation, speak but keep the conversation simple. Questions regarding school, work or family are welcome, but don’t pry for information below surface level.

Aurora*, a junior at Kennesaw State University, says being the bigger person might leave you with a feeling of relief.

“Even if you’re still grieving, I think it’s important that they see that you are handling the situation as maturely as possible,” she says. “I bumped into my ex a few times and honestly, my goal was for him to realize he messed up and can’t go back.”

The situation is inevitably awkward already, so if you feel so inclined, face the awkwardness head on.

3. Avoid lingering

Lingering leads to awkwardness. If the conversation has died down, don’t try to save it. Remember that you and your ex broke up for a reason, so there still may be a lot of confusion and animosity between you two that is impossible to address in a few minute time span.

A random run-in is also not the time to find closure. Elizabeth*, a freshman at the University of Alabama, knows how seeing your ex can cause your head to play tricks on you.

“I think the longer you stay around, the quicker feelings of regret or longing will arise again,” she says. “Despite all the progress you’ve made moving on, it may feel like you’re back at square one.”