When we were growing up, Spice Girl mania took the world by storm—and as little collegiettes in the making, we openly obsessed over our favorite Brits. From Scary’s massive mane of hair to Sporty’s awesome athletic look, we couldn’t help falling in love with the Spice franchise. But what we didn’t realize at the time was that the music playing through boomboxes and Walkmans would actually help us when it came to relationships as we got older. We’ve put together a list of the Spice Girls’ best lyrics that can help you put a love crisis in perspective… all while doing it in a ‘little Gucci dress.’

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” – “Wannabe”

If there’s one thing the Spice Girls prided themselves on, it was girl power. Because when it comes down to it, boys come and go, but your true friends will always stick by your side. That being said, you can’t let your boyfriend completely ignore the friendships you’ve had since before he was ever in the picture (or even the new friends you make after you get together). The kind of people you’re friends with is a sign of who you are as a person, and if he can’t be bothered with your girlfriends, then is he really someone you want sticking around?

“When I got my first boyfriend. . . all my friends were VERY picky and [tried] to find anything bad about him. At first your friends may be skeptical, but if the guy is great, they will accept him,” Hailey Craig from Columbia University says.

For your friends, accepting a new guy may be tough. But the only way for them to click is by hanging out and spending time together. It may take some time, but friendships don’t typically happen overnight. Give it some time, and (fingers crossed) your boyfriend and your girlfriends will approve of one another.

“And all that I want from you is a promise you will be there. Say you will be there.” – “Say You’ll Be There”

Whether he’s your partner in crime or your life partner, he should be more than willing to be there for you no matter the time of day or situation at hand. If he cares, he’ll show it by being by your side whenever you just need someone to sit with you… even if there’s nothing to say.

“My dad got really sick while I was in high school and sometimes I just didn’t know what to do with myself. . . [M]y boyfriend knew that even though I said I wanted to be alone, I needed someone by my side. He used to come over and just sit with [me]. I’d sit there with a blank stare not saying a word, and he just kept holding my hand. Without him, I don’t think I would have ever gotten through it,” Beth*, a collegiette at BC, said. “We’re still together today, even though we go to different schools.” He should want to be by your side when you need him most (and even when you don’t need him at all). If he doesn’t, it’s time to find a guy who does.

“Spice up your life!” – “Spice Up Your Life”

You’re only young once, and as collegiettes, we should be taking advantage of our exciting lives. If you’re bored in your relationship, do something crazy! If you’re bored being single, go out and find a fun, new relationship! But just because we’re growing up, doesn’t mean we need to settle down.

“I was in a relationship for most of high school and into my first year of college,” says Rebeca Teplitz from GWU. “When my boyfriend and I ended things, I was pretty upset. But my friends convinced me to keep going out with them, and before I knew it I wasn’t thinking of my ex and I was enjoying my time in college to the fullest. I met tons of guys that I probably would have never spoken to had I not stepped out of my comfort zone.”

Now is the time to experience wild (but safe!) summer flings, college hook-ups, and everything else that may be out of your comfort zone. Today’s mishaps and mistakes help shape our future relationship criteria—what we learn now will help us know what we want later on, so we might as well test the waters!

“Who do you think you are? Some kind of superstar.” – “Who Do You Think You Are”

There’s a reason Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split, why Steven Tyler is on fiancée number three, and why Derek Jeter and George Clooney will never get married: you just can’t date a superstar. With an ego that big, there’s barely enough room for you in the bed, let alone in the relationship. The same principle applies for campus superstars. Whether he’s the quarterback of the football team, the class president, the know-it-all, or the frat-tastic fraternity brother, he should be obsessed with you (in a non-stalker way), not with his own reflection.

“In high school, I briefly dated a guitar player who was really into the fact that he could play so well. Sure, it was hot, and at first I felt like I was in a movie whenever he serenaded me,” Kate Moriarty from Skidmore College said. “But then it got to the point that every ‘date’ comprised of him practicing guitar in front of me, or towing me along to jam seshes with friends, or telling me how incredible it was that he gotten so good so quickly. I had wanted to be his girlfriend, not his groupie/#1 fan, so I left him and his ego alone together.”

If they’re far, far from the A-list and still think that highly of themselves, then the only thing you should be doing is running far, far away. A relationship is about two people, so if your boyfriend is too busy arrogantly parading through campus as you hold his books, it may be time to reconsider your relationship.

“Back then I didn’t know why, why you were misunderstood, so now I see through your eyes… every little thing you said and did was right for me.” – “Mama”

There’s no love like a mother’s. When we were pre-teen pre-collegiettes (a.k.a the awkward middle school years), we fought with our parents. There was most likely a screaming battle in which the words, “You’re trying to ruin my life!” were shouted before the slamming of a door. Back then, a lot of us really thought those words were true, but as mature (I use that term lightly) collegiettes, we now know that our moms really did have our best interests at heart. If I had only listened to my mom circa the early 2000s, I definitely would have been saved the regret of a lot of fashion faux pas, phony friendships, and fake fiancés (we all had those terribly embarrassing crushes!)

“Rules are for fools, and fool’s paradise is hard to find.” – “Something Kinda Funny”

Unfortunately for us, the game of love and lust has no guidelines like Hasbro’s Game of Life. There are no out-of-bounds limits, no time-outs, no do-overs, and no move-three-spaces ahead gifts. When it comes to love, all is fair.

“When I found ‘sext’ messages and e-mails between my ex-boyfriend and another girl on his phone, I was speechless. All I could do was question what I did wrong, what did I do that drove him to cheat?” Nicole* from University of Miami said. “He said it wasn’t cheating, it was just harmless fun, and when I started thinking about it, he was right. We never sat down and talked about what cheating was to each of us. To him, cheating was physical, but to me, there was emotional cheating, too. I did break up with him, but I kept thinking that, because we never laid out ground rules, this situation was inevitable… and somewhat acceptable, at least in his mind.”

There are no overarching rules of the acceptable do’s and don’ts, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create your own criteria for your own specific relationship: no cheating, no lying, and whatever else you find fit for relationship perfection. While there may be no rulebook, there’s always room for standards and what you expect from your relationship.

“Don’t you know it’s going too fast, racing so hard you know it won’t last… Slow it down, read the sign, so you know just where you are going.” – “Stop”

Just like looking both ways before you cross the street, consider everything before you jump into a heavy relationship. If you hop right in too soon, it’s only going to end badly. Before you can really commit to someone, you need to get to know him, inside and out—and the same goes for knowing yourself.

"I once jumped into a relationship with a guy way too soon and paid the price for not waiting to get to know him better first,” Kate said. “Everything was great for the first month, but then we started to realize that we had nothing in common (and actually didn't have a lot to talk about... at all). It was the most awkward ending to a relationship I've ever experienced, simply because we both had the same thought on our minds: 'What were we thinking?'"

Lust at first sight can obviously blur your judgment. I’m sure we can all admit to thinking we found love simply by good looks and a whole lot of charm. But after the physical stuff dies down, is there really anything there? There’s nothing more awkward than having dinner with a hot guy and realizing that neither of you have anything whatsoever in common (it’s even more awkward the morning after if and when you leave his place…)

Taking a relationship slow and making sure you both have things in common is the best way to know where this ‘thing’ is going. More important, though, is recognizing certain red flags before you jump in too fast. If he still texts his ex-girlfriend with any kind of regularity, ignores you in front of his friends, cancels plans with you time after time, and leaves you so blinded by the start of a new relationship that you can’t see any of these major stop signs, then you’re only asking for trouble later on. Don’t jump into the deep end until you know you can swim like a pro.

“Love is blind, as far as the eye can see.” – “Too Much”

You can pick your shoes, you can pick your friends, you can even pick your nose if you really, really want to, but you just can’t pick who you fall in love with. Granted, physical attraction may be the start of some of your relationships, but it’s emotion, personality, and that special click that truly makes love happen.

“During my sophomore year, I looked around and realized all of my friends had coupled up and I was left single in the corner. My friends kept trying to set me up with their boyfriends’ friend, but I just was not physically into it at all—I could never in a million years imagine myself kissing him. But pregame after pregame I found myself talking to him, we were the only singles in the room, and before I knew it, I was being drawn to him by his personality. . . I ended up giving him a shot, thinking I had nothing to lose, and as it turns out, I really was falling for this guy. Two years later and we’re still together and I couldn’t be happier,” Heather* from USC said.

Like Heather, all you need is that one conversation that could spark a whole relationship. One second he’s just the less-than-attractive guy you studied chemistry with two semesters ago, and the next, once you’re actually getting to know him, he’s suddenly beautiful… inside and out. Love doesn’t care what you look like—that’s what lust is for. Love is blind to anything but pure emotional connection. Like the corny old quote says, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover.’ Love could be sitting right behind you in class and all you have to do is give him a chance—you could end up meeting the guy of your dreams.

“Love’s gonna be there for you, you’ll always be someone’s baby.” – “Goodbye My Friend”

Whenever you’re feeling alone, just remember, the love bug will eventually come up and bite you in the butt when you’re least expecting it. Somewhere, sometime you’ll find that person to always call you, “baby.”

“I fell HARD for this guy during my sophomore year at college, said Paige* from the University of Michigan. “Unfortunately, he was a senior, and soon to be miles and miles apart as he went off to grad school. When it came time to discuss the future, we just couldn't yield to conformity, which would demand that we either a) break up all together or b) put serious pressure on the quality of our relationship by trying to sustain it over long-distance. We had something way too rare to forfeit altogether, and long-distance relationships can squash emotional connections. So, we took the ‘up’ out of ‘break-up’. We agreed to live our lives apart as we were meant to, but most importantly keep talking. Now, even though we may not be sharing time together, we can still talk when we get the chance and we both know how we feel about each other.”

No matter the distance or time that’s passed, there’s someone out there who loves you.

*Names and universities changed for anonymity.

Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

I recently met an amazing guy and thought we hit it off. That is, until I noticed he playfully flirts with all his friends (girls and guys). Is there any way to tell if he actually likes me or if he's just being nice? – Confused by a Cutie at Columbia

This is a tough one. I’ve always been frustrated by those people who are playful and flirty with everyone. All it does is mess with your mind and make you want to scream in their face: “Just tell me if you like me!” But until open confrontation about intentions becomes acceptable in modern relationships, you’ll just have to refrain from the shouting.

Fortunately, there are a few telltale signs that this guy may be interested in you. First of all, pay attention to what makes him flirty. Does he constantly make jokes about you being beautiful? Or does he playfully touch you in conversation? In my opinion, touch is a more solid indication of attraction. Aside from this, one good way to tell how he feels is to ask him to hang out with you in a group of mutual friends. Ask to go mini golfing, go-kart racing, or just something that involves movement. Pay attention to his actions. When you’re all hanging around, who does he fall back on for conversation? Since you’re all friends anyways, he has multiple options. If it’s you he goes to consistently, he’s probably interested!

If you want to know for sure, though, your best bet may be just to ask him to hang out alone. However, if you want to be subtle, invite him to a group event rather than directly asking him out. But wait! Oh no! Everyone bailed/you neglected to invite them (you can be so forgetful at times)! When the evening is winding down or if there is a lull in the conversation, perhaps get onto the topic of why he doesn’t have a special lady in his life. Based on what he says, you’ll likely know right away how he feels. Even the shyest of men would take this opportunity to come clean about their feelings.

If you’re too afraid of that, ask him to hang out at a place that’s traditionally reserved for couples. Mention that your friends are hosting a dinner and you’d like to go, but it’s sort of a “couples” thing and you don’t want to go alone. This is perfect because it leaves him with ample opportunity to see what he’s thinking. If he offers to tag along, then he’s probably interested! If he says something else, or avoids this “couples conversation,” then he may not be looking for something serious with you.

These kinds of people are usually some of the most fun people you’ll ever meet. But when you try and get something going romantically, they can quickly become some of the most difficult people you’ll ever meet. The best way to find out is to leave them an opening. If there is an opportunity for them to clearly say how they feel, they’re more likely to take it. Unless they just keep flirting. Then you’ll want to pull out your hair all over again.

What is it about Jane Austen? How is it that even in today’s world—where women are incredibly independent, juggling careers, finances, and love lives—we still return to these 19th-century novels time and time again? Perhaps we love the sensory smorgasbord of formal balls and teas, billet-doux and ribbons, surreal mansions and cute countryside homes; the spice of amour and scandal; and, underlying it all, fundamental and timeless lessons about the bonds that hold people together, be they family, friends, lovers or spouses.

Even if you’ve never read any of Jane Austen’s novels, here are some of the core lessons that she imparts to her 21st-century readers:

Lesson #1: First impressions can (and tend to) be wrong! Make sure you take the time to really get to know someone before you judge him or her.

Pride & Prejudice may be the most famous of Jane Austen’s novels. It centers on the romance between the standoffish Mr. Darcy and the equally proud Elizabeth Bennet. At the beginning of the story, she feels certain that Mr. Darcy is the last man she could ever fall for. He is unbelievably rude and seems like the worst company a girl could ask for! Later on, however, Elizabeth realizes that he is, in fact, a very responsible, caring man who would do anything for her! The man she thought she despised is actually the man she loves.

Ever judged a guy without giving him the benefit of the doubt, only to find later that your first impression was wrong? This can go both ways—the surly guy you meet at a party can turn out to be a softie once you get him in a different element, but the cute barista who’s been flirting with you can be unbelievably self-absorbed upon closer inspection.

Lesson #2: Find the balance between head and heart.

Sense & Sensibility is like Jane Austen for Buddhists, with the moral of the novel being the need to find a kind of “Middle Way” between self-denial and self-indulgence in matters of the heart. Sisters Elinor and Marianne Dashwood couldn’t be more dissimilar. Elinor is disciplined and possesses a kind of self-command that results in her keeping most of her feelings to herself. Her sister is excessively dramatic and more than a bit conceited.

It’s important when dating to have the best of both worlds—frivolity and fun are wonderful, and being able to have a blast with your significant other is part of falling in love. However, you also need to have a connection on a higher level. You need to be able to talk, to share dreams with each other, to be open about what you want from the relationship and how you feel about the other person. Superficial relationships never last. On the other hand, you shouldn’t be afraid to express how you feel about someone. If you’re falling for him, make sure he knows it! You don’t have to bare your soul, just make sure that you give a few signals to let him know that you’re into him. Recent College of William & Mary graduate Mel Sparrow sums it up, “The thing about Austen that frustrated me most was how the plot was driven by misunderstandings and hidden feelings. The lesson I learned, whether she intended it or not, is just talk it out!”

Lesson #3: Don’t get so caught up in your friends’ love lives that you forget your own!

Emma, the heroine from Jane Austen’s Emma, is a young woman who has become so caught up in playing matchmaker for young Harriet Smith that she leaves her own love life on the backburner. Emma ultimately pushes Harriet away from the man she really likes and towards Mr. Knightley. The only problem is that Mr. Knightley would be perfect for Emma if she’d only take five minutes to think of herself!

When you go out to lunch with your BFF, does it feel like you’re always discussing her love life? What about yours? It’s easy to get absorbed in your friends’ love lives, but make sure that you’re making your own a priority. After all, your friends should be just as willing to listen to and (potentially) offer advice on your own romantic escapades. As Elizabeth Kantor puts it in her book The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After, “Wise Jane Austen heroines seek out equal friendship—not out of snobbery, but out of respect for other people’s autonomy.”

Lesson #4: Make your own choices – no one is better qualified to determine what and who will make you happiest.

The most deliciously-titled of Jane Austen’s works, Persuasion, follows the relationship between Anne Elliot and Frederic Wentworth. They were happily engaged until Anne’s friend Lady Russel convinced her to break it off. Trusting that Lady Russel knew what was best for her, Anne split up with Frederic. Both of their hearts were broken until they were reunited years later and realized that they still had feelings for each other. They tentatively move past the hurt feelings and get married in the end.

They could have had their happy marriage years earlier if Anne had simply followed her own instincts and not listened to her friend’s advice! We collegiettes like to use our circle of friends as a sounding board for making decisions. It’s perfectly acceptable (and certainly normal) for us to discuss our dilemmas with our friends and solicit advice when we need it. However, you should always remember that you are ultimately the one who has to live out the choices you make. No matter how genuine or noble their intentions, you should never let other people make decisions for you about matters of the heart!

Lesson #5: Always trust your gut instincts.

In Mansfield Park, Fanny Price is forced to move into a home she doesn’t know and live with the Bertram family. The character Henry Crawford is a big flirt in the book, but when he unleashes his charms on Fanny he seems truly in love. Still, when he proposes to her, she turns him down in spite of the fact that her family is furious as a result. Fanny chose not to ignore the nagging feeling in her gut and when Henry ends up running off with a married woman, her instincts prove to have been right on the mark.

As you can see, paying attention to your feelings can save you from a lot of heartbreak. Perhaps you’ve convinced yourself that you’re happy in a relationship that simply isn’t fun. On the other end of the spectrum, maybe you’re ignoring the fact that you’re falling for someone without even realizing it (like a close friend)! Benedictine College student Rachael Morphew approves of the latter, saying that “if he makes you laugh, he is much better than the guy always winking at you.”

Lesson #6: You’ll know when you’ve found the one.

In Northanger Abbey, 17-year-old Catherine Morland meets Henry Tilney, a funny and kind-hearted young man, who steals her heart almost immediately. They are separated for some time, during which another man pursues Catherine. Through everything, Catherine remains firm in waiting for her Henry.

Catherine’s loyalty to Henry is admirable. Very few of us have that kind of certainty about the guys we’re dating. Instead, we constantly question whether or not the one we’re with is, in fact, The One. This insecurity is often the result of constantly looking either backwards (comparing your current boyfriend with men you’ve dated in the past) or forwards (trying to predict where your current relationship is leading). Instead, try to focus on the present. Ask yourself, “Am I happy? Do I miss him when he’s gone and love every minute we spend together?” When you’re being stared in the face by a fantastic relationship, why fight it? Recognize that, maybe, the one you’ve been looking for is already in your life.

So, what we can learn from Jane Austen’s novels?

Though it may come as a relief to live 200 years later—in a world with infinitely more distractions and infinitely more freedom to enjoy them with—we often experience a greater degree of boredom than Jane Austen ever did. The beauty of her novels is the fact that she managed to add a wealth of joie de vivre to the oftentimes dull and repetitive routines of family life in rural, 19th-century England. To many, this seems a miraculous feat, but her trick was simply to focus on the characters of those around her, their motivations, aspirations, and above all, their interactions.

People still feel the same basic emotions today, and the variety of ways in which we approach relationships hold true in both her novels and contemporary everyday life. William & Mary graduate Emily Mason quips, “Austenian life lessons in thirty seconds: ALWAYS be yourself, never underestimate the importance of a well-written letter, and always turn down the first offer...”
 

Tinder: an online dating roulette of your local singles (who, unfortunately, sometimes turn out to be psychos).

The app is designed to help you find single people you’re attracted to in your area. After setting up your profile page and confirming your sex, which sex you’re interested in, and how close by you’d like your matches to be, the app will show you various profile pages. If you’re interested in a person, you can swipe right or select the heart icon. If you’d rather pass, you can swipe left or select the “X” icon. If someone you’re interested in is also interested in you, a match is made and both parties are notified.

Unlike dating apps like TrintMe, Tinder is more like a box of chocolates; you never quite know what—or who, we should say—you’re going to get.

Lucky for you, Her Campus is here to help you identify 10 guys that you’ll potentially encounter on the app:

1. The Guy Who is in a Relationship

Strange… every one of his pictures seems to feature the same leggy blonde. Must be his sister, right? Don’t get your hopes up, collegiettes. We’re pretty sure most guys don’t put their arm around their sisters like that.

How to identify him:

• His profile picture features him with his arm wrapped rather cozily around a pretty girl.
• His four additional images also happen to feature that same girl.
• His tagline reads: “Involved,” “It’s Complicated,” or “Taken But Feeling Single.”

This is the guy who probably knows he’s hot, but needs the kind of superficial reassurance of his attractiveness that only the cyberworld (and apparently not his girlfriend) can give him. By delving into the Tinder universe totally unbeknownst to his GF, the guy in the relationship can get the kind of thrill that only being made to feel desirable by strangers in your local area can give you—all while being guaranteed steady hook-ups with his ball and chain on the side. The most confusing thing about the Guy Who is in a Relationship: he doesn’t even seem to care if you know about his significant other.

2. The Guy Who Can’t Be Without his Bros

Is he the guy in the red polo shirt? Or the guy next to him in the hockey jersey? How are we supposed to figure out who this guy is if all his photos are with him and his five closest friends?

How to identify him:

• His profile picture features him plus seven other dudes.
• His four additional images also happen to feature him… with seven other dudes.
• His tagline reads: “bros before hoes.”

If you want to be this guy’s lover, you apparently have to get with all his friends, too. The guy who can’t be without his bros is either weirdly close to his wolfpack... or he’s really insecure about his looks. If you encounter the guy who loves the group shot and you can’t seem to figure out who the real Tinder user is, look for the least cute guy in the shot. Chances are, that’s your man—though he’s probably hoping you think he’s his hot swimmer friend who’s standing next to him.

3. The Guy Who’s Probably Younger Than He Claims

He says that he’s about to start his second year of med school—and yet, he looks as though he might have just gotten his braces off.

How to identify him:

• His profile picture is either a webcam pic (as he doesn’t get out enough to have any normal pics) or an awkwardly stiff, professional photo from his senior portraits.
• He speaks entirely in abbreviations during your chats, greeting you with “sup” and wanting to know “wut u r up 2.”
• He sometimes excuses himself from conversations because his mother told him to wash up for dinner.

At some point or another, some collegiette’s curious little brother was bound to make a Tinder account of his own. He may not be pre-pubescent, but we’re sure there are more than a few barely legal bachelors scouting out older ladies on the app. If he knows more about the cheat codes for Tomb Raider than the local bar scene, it may be time to check this guy’s ID. 

4. The Guy Who’s Probably Older Than He Claims

Plenty of guys have discovered their hairlines starting to recede in their early 20s, right? But this guy looks like he’s starting to gray… and are those crow’s-feet we see?

How to identify him:

• His profile picture is either a webcam pic (since, again, he doesn’t get out enough to have any normal pics) or an awkwardly stiff, cropped photo from his first marriage’s wedding pictures.
• His tagline quotes a song that was written before you were born.
• He frequently asks you during your chats if you’re older than 18.  

An endless supply of local, single, college-aged hotties and their pictures? This is the middle-aged creeper’s dream! The Guy Who’s Probably Older Than He Claims isn’t necessarily your father’s age, but that premature balding should make you a little suspicious of his assertion that he’s “fresh out of undergrad.” Swipe this guy left before he tries to arrange a hangout with you and all your young, single friends!

5. The Guy Who’s a Little too Into Himself

A mirror selfie? Pretty cringe-inducing. A shirtless mirror selfie of him curling a barbell with one hand while he takes a pic with the other? Warning: inflated ego alert!

How to identify him:

• His profile picture features him shirtless, flexing, or shirtless and flexing.
• His four additional images are all solo shots, and all also feature him flaunting his musculature in some form.  
• His tagline is simply: “hit me up” or “get at me.”

This is the guy who definitely knows he’s hot and wants you to know it, too. Every swipe right this guy gets makes his pectorals swell with validation. Though he may have six well-defined abdominal muscles, The Guy Who’s a Little too Into Himself more often than not has exactly zero personality. Start a chat with this guy, and you probably won’t be discussing anything more compelling than how much he can lift.

6. The Guy You Already Kind of Know

Oh, look: it’s that guy who lived in the same dorm as you sophomore year; the one you used to wave to sometimes when you passed him in the hall. Except now you guys just kind of make uncomfortable eye contact and look away. Awkward…

How to identify him:

• You share at least 20 mutual friends on Facebook.
• Your vague acquaintanceship with him would never be enough to foster a legitimate relationship in real life.
• You might acknowledge him in person, maybe, if you were at a party or something.

When you encounter The Guy You Already Kind of Know on Tinder, things can get, well, weird. You’ll probably match one another—because it would be weirder if you swiped this guy to the left—and you either won’t acknowledge the match, or he’ll use this connection as an opportunity for some virtual flirtation (that he’d probably never have the nerve to initiate outside the Tinder universe). If you’re into it, go with it—you never know what could happen! If not, you can look forward to even more uncomfortable eye contact when you encounter this guy again (because you definitely will).

7. The Guy Who’s Just Asking to Get Blocked

This guy seems cute enough—until he asks if you have Snapchat. And then he won’t stop messaging you. And now he’s saying things to you that would make a sex columnist blush…

How to identify him:

• His tagline is: “Is your muffin buttered?”
• He initiates a conversation with you by complimenting your smile... and then asking if you’re “DTF.”
• He asks if you would be interested in meeting up… at 3 a.m.

Collegiettes, meet the official Tinder Creeper. Let’s just say The Guy Who’s Just Asking to Get Blocked didn’t create an account in the hope of forging meaningful connections with local singles. The minute this guy starts requesting explicit pics, you’ll know it’s time to bid him adieu—unless, of course, exchanging dirty talk with relative strangers via an online dating forum is your cup of tea.

8. The Guy Who Can’t Take a Hint

He’s nice enough, you guess. And he’s cute… ish. But this guy is just not your type–and no amount of ignoring, avoiding, evading, or rejecting seems to make him understand that.

How to identify him:

• His tagline reads: “Single…but hopefully not for long ;)”
• He’ll message you daily, and if you don’t reply, he’ll message you again. And then once more after that to make sure you got his first two messages.
• Three days after starting to message you, this guy confesses that he thinks you are the girl of his dreams.  

One way or another, The Guy Who Can’t Take a Hint is going to find you, and he’s going to try his darndest to get you. He might have shown some restraint when you first started messaging, but as soon as he began following up your five-minute lapses in conversation with a “?????” you knew it was time to cut the cord. Subtlety is not the approach to take with this guy; make your disinterest known and make it known fast so this guy can start clinging on to another unsuspecting single.  

9. The Guy Who’s Playing Hard to Get

You find him attractive, his swipe right confirms that he finds you attractive, and you have mutual interests in sushi and Dexter. You’re a perfect match! So why hasn’t this guy messaged you yet?

How to identify him:

• He looks relatively normal.
• You have a match and a fair amount of shared interests.  
• It’s been more than a week since your match was made and this guy still hasn’t made a move.

Since it’s impossible that this guy wouldn’t want to get to know you (why wouldn’t he? You’re awesome!), we can think of only two explanations for the guy who’s playing hard to get. One is that this guy would never consider using Tinder as an actual method for procuring dates and simply made his account out of curiosity. The other is that this guy is already spoken for. (Refer to The Guy Who is in a Relationship.) The best advice we can give you is to just try messaging this guy yourself—maybe he’s been wondering why you haven’t messaged him!

10. The Guy Who Seemed Normal… At First

You couldn’t believe your luck when you matched with this guy–and then that he actually messaged you! Your conversation was going really well, too… until he opened up about his toe fetish.

Unfortunately, collegiettes, there’s no way to identify this one. Unlike The Guy Who’s Just Asking to Get Blocked—who will set off your Freak Radar within the first five minutes of chatting—this guy will appear normal, even appealing, for days and perhaps weeks into your messaging. Your budding relationship with The Guy Who Seemed Normal will feel full of promise—until he suddenly pulls a sneak attack and lets his freak flag fly. As soon as he reveals his secret obsession with Cabbage Patch Dolls or describes his fantasy involving you dressed up as a sexy circus clown, run. Run and never look back.

Yes, love can be found through online dating sites. But if you choose Tinder, be on the lookout for these 10 guys.

Ever felt like you woke up one day and every girl you know has a boyfriend? Your best friend does, your frenemy does, and even that weird girl in your chem lab seems to be cuddling up with some cutie in between classes. What gives?

To all the collegiettes out there who feel perpetually single, don’t worry! There are plenty of reasons why you’ve never had a boyfriend, and there are an infinite number of reasons why it’s totally okay that you haven’t.

1. You’ve been focusing on your studies and extracurricular activities.

You rush to your 8 a.m. history class, and then you go to three more classes, a working lunch for a group project, two club meetings, a quick trip to the gym, your on-campus job, a 7 p.m. bio review, and then the library to do homework. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted and just want to head to bed. Where in your schedule would there be time to keep up with a boyfriend?

Putting your energy into every aspect of school (academics, extracurricular groups, or work) is great! However, it’s important to make sure that you strike the balance you want between academics, activities, work, and being social. But “being social” doesn’t always have to include a boyfriend, and you definitely shouldn’t feel pressured to tack a guy onto your life unless you know you have the time and emotional energy for him.

Leslie*, a senior at University of Florida, found herself single amongst her friends, but ultimately decided that academics and her extracurricular activities were more important. “I spent dozens of hours every week on schoolwork, and I’m also really involved in theater as well as singing,” she says. “I didn’t want to give either thing up, especially because there wasn’t any specific boy I was trying to pursue.”

Leslie’s friends felt like she was spending too much time hitting the books instead of going out and hanging with guys, and they kept pushing her to find a boyfriend as a way of being more social. “Honestly, I didn’t really see how those two things had to be related. A boyfriend is a person you have a connection with. It’s not like a hobby you can just sort of pick up. Relationships are a huge commitment,” she says. “My priorities differ greatly from some of my friends. Taking school and extracurricular [activities] seriously is awesome, and I’ve found that not having a boyfriend shouldn’t make you feel somehow inadequate.”

Leslie’s bottom line? “Live your life by your own terms, and let other people do the same,” she says. “If you love schoolwork or some hobby or anything, don’t sell yourself short! Decide on your priorities and stick to them. A boyfriend doesn’t have to be on that list.”

2. You’re not a huge fan of your current dating pool.

Let’s face it: guys can be immature, annoying, rude, hard to read (or too easy to read), and every other problematic adjective in between. These all can be unappealing reasons to date for many collegiettes, and it could be why you’re having trouble finding someone to call your beau. Guys do eventually change (sometimes), so if the guys in your class year or at your college just aren’t cutting it for you, remember that there’s always hope for the future!

Kate Masters, a sophomore at Wesleyan University, found several guys at Wesleyan who she liked, but never felt like they were boyfriend material. “I had a couple of flings here and there during my freshman year, but I never felt like anything really clicked,” she explains. “Either the guys weren’t looking for a relationship, or I wasn’t looking for a relationship with them. I just got frustrated and decided to take a break from the whole ‘finding a boyfriend’ ordeal.”

From her experience, Kate has one piece of advice for her fellow collegiettes who don’t like their college’s dating pool. “Don’t lower your standards! You’ll know when you’re ready to take it to the next level with someone physically as well as emotionally, and you shouldn’t rush it,” she says. “Trying to alter or completely change your preferences leads to a lot of awkwardness and backtracking later on.”

Kate says she feels that when you lower your standards, you’re just being dishonest with yourself. “A boyfriend isn’t worth changing who you are,” she says. “If you don’t feel comfortable with your school’s dating scene or your relationship prospects, that’s fine. Love is not one-size-fits-all, so keep being yourself and wait for someone who meets your standards.”

3. You just don’t want a boyfriend.

Ellie*, a junior at Wesleyan University, realized that she’d had several steady hook-ups over the years but never an actual boyfriend, and that began to worry her. “A lot of my friends started getting into relationships during my sophomore year, and I started feeling insecure,” she says. “I mean, to me it was like, ‘How am I supposed to become an adult without ever having an actual relationship?’ I had never really wanted a boyfriend all that much, but I just felt like I was doing things all wrong by not wanting one.” She felt like she was missing a crucial part of the “growing up” process.

However, after some experimenting, Ellie soon changed her mind. “I tried pursuing a relationship with a guy I didn’t really like, and I just felt so emotionally exhausted after the whole thing. Hook-ups and casual dating work for me in college,” she says. “I’m positive that in the future I’ll be more ready for a relationship, but a steady boyfriend is just not what I’m looking for right now, nor do I feel ready to take that on anytime soon.”

Ellie feels like some collegiettes often get pressured into having boyfriends, but they definitely shouldn’t pursue a relationship unless they want to. “The moment I stopped apologizing for not having a boyfriend and considering myself weird for not wanting one, everything became a whole lot better,” she says. “I don’t want a boyfriend right now, and that’s absolutely okay. Boys can be stupid and moody and annoying, and I’ve chosen to take myself out of that equation. It’s my business, and I’m happy to finally realize that boyfriends are not the be-all, end-all of college life.”  You go, girl!

4. You’re still trying to figure yourself out, let alone a whole other person.

Every college movie shows young adults trying to “find themselves” in some way or another, and while Accepted might not be the most accurate depiction of college life, the overall theme rings true: college students are still figuring things out. This can definitely include your likes, dislikes, and everything in between, and it also could be why you may not have had a boyfriend.

Rachel*, a senior at Florida State University, felt absolutely lost during her freshmen year of college. “I just had absolutely no idea what was going on and who I wanted to be,” she recalls. “Looking back, I had so much to learn about myself, and not just dating-wise. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I was confused about my academics (choosing a major is so stressful!), my eating and exercise habits, and my social life.”

Rachel also felt herself becoming increasingly anxious over the fact that she hadn’t had a boyfriend yet. “I just felt like I wasn’t being a ‘cool college kid’ if I didn’t have a boyfriend,” she says. “But then I realized that I couldn’t possibly care for another person if I didn’t first care for myself. Until I figured out what I wanted, I wouldn’t be able to communicate that to another person, nor would I be able to tell what they wanted.”

Ultimately, Rachel found a major she enjoyed, an exercise schedule and food plan she could stick to, and friends she loved. Around the beginning of her sophomore year, she met the guy who would eventually become her boyfriend, Steve*. “I feel like I wouldn’t have even noticed him or gotten to know him had I not gotten my own life in order,” she says. “In cheesy metaphor terms, I had to sort through my own emotional baggage before checking someone else’s luggage.”

Just because you’ve never had a boyfriend doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you! College is about self-discovery and deciding what you want for yourself. As Leslie pointed out, your priorities might not include a boyfriend, and that’s perfectly fine. In addition, not wanting a boyfriend doesn’t make you weird; it makes you smart because you’re focusing on what’s best for you. Think about the balance you want in your life. Your happiness should come first!

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

I chill with this guy who lives down the street from me basically every day. We mostly hang out alone, but sometimes with my other guy friends. He texts me first 90 percent of the time and is always down to hang out, but he never stays too long and he never makes a move! I have a huge crush on him, but I can't make the first move because I'm always too nervous and unsure. Have I been friend-zoned, or is he too nervous to make a move as well? How can I tell if he's into me without being too aggressive and scaring him? – Misled at Marymount Manhattan

Misled,

First things first––relax! It sounds like you’re in a good place and I wouldn’t say you’ve waited too long. Plus, as a general rule, guys who text you first “90 percent of the time” are probably into you. Depending on how daring you are, perhaps think about making the first move! No one is perfect, but if the opportunity arises, why not go for it? I’ve always said that I’d rather live with rejection than regret. Plus, guys love when girls are the ones to make a move. It’s an awesome change of pace and it shows that you’re into a relationship as much as we are. As a bonus, we also can stop worrying about timing if you take a big leap.

I also don’t think that you’ve been friend-zoned… yet. More commonly, guys will hang around and comfortably play along when we’re unsure of how you feel about getting romantic. However, there is a limit to how long we’ll wait around before it starts to get old. Unless you meet a guy who enjoys flirting for sport (who knows? They probably exist…), it’s time to take action. When you’re together and you laugh at one of his jokes, playfully punch him on the shoulder or the knee. Introduce touch to your relationship and watch how he reacts. If he’s uncomfortable, you’ll likely see it in his face. He’ll probably change the subject or look away.

I’d suspect that, as you said, this guy is a bit nervous. Next time you hang out, try doing something he enjoys so he’s not as anxious. Does he love seeing live acts? See if one of his favorite bands is in town. Is he a big golfer? Why not follow him onto the course? Is he a skydiver? Well, you’re on your own there. The point is if you guys hang out doing something he’s passionate about, he’s less likely to be nervous around you.

You haven’t been friend-zoned until he starts calling you “bro” or says you’re “like his sister.” And since this hasn’t begun, you still have time to prevent it from happening. As I mentioned earlier, touch will go a long way in showing genuine interest. Unfortunately, this is also where guys begin to worry about the friend zone.  However, if you introduce playful touch to your conversations, it won’t be long before you’ll either gain the courage to make a move, or he will make one, since he’ll be curious to see if you’ll reciprocate.

Some collegiettes hear the word “date” and their minds immediately jump to the typical dinner-and-a-movie date night seen in every rom-com since the ‘80s. However, other collegiettes are out there just waiting to meet the guy who will sweep them off their feet… and onto a rock-climbing wall. If you’re the kind of girl who would rather be the heroine of an action movie than a romantic comedy, here are a few adventurous date ideas that would be right up your alley.

1. Make a Skate Date

Though the last pair of roller skates you laced up might have been bright pink and boasting Barbie’s face, get ready to lace up for a big-girl version of rollerblading! It’s a fun, adventurous way to get active with your guy. Whether you hold hands and slow-skate around your local roller rink or you race each other all around town, you’re bound to have a blast. Be sure to wear a helmet!

2. Take a Hike

You’d probably be shocked to find out just how many natural parks, caves, mountain trails, or overall scenic areas are located in your state, maybe even in your city or town! Tie up your sneakers, put on some sunblock, and pack a few water bottles. Make sure to bring a first aid kit too, in case you get any scrapes and bumps along the way.  

Even better: make some sandwiches and pack yourselves a picnic. Once you’ve made it to the top of the mountain or the end of the trail, lay out a blanket and enjoy your picnic together in the sunshine.  

3. Get in the Water

It’s summertime, and hitting the air-conditioned movie theater isn’t the only way to cool off. Slip on your sexiest bikini (as long as it’s one that will stay tied) and get ready to hop into the water! Apply ample sunscreen, grab a beach towel, and pack some dry clothes for after your adventure is over.

“I had the most wonderful date with a guy who took me kayaking,” says Rachel Jerome, a senior at Connecticut College. “It was not the first thing I would have chosen, but it was so fun! I really appreciated that he planned something different.”

Whether you go kayaking, surfing, tubing, jet-skiing, boogie boarding, parasailing, snorkeling, or scuba diving (depending on whether you’re close to the ocean, a lake or even a river), the day is sure to get wet and wild—even if the closest you can get to a body of water is your local pool. Splash fight, anyone?

4. Take the Leap

And not just the leap from “just friends” to “more than friends.” If you’re really looking for a date that will get your heart racing, then skydiving might be the right choice for you.

“My boyfriend and I went skydiving for our one-year anniversary,” says Kristin Doherty, a sophomore at Drake University. “Before the jump, we spent a few hours at the hangar watching other people skydive, which filled us with adrenaline and anticipation. The jump itself was terrifying, but so much fun.”

While she and her guy had an incredible, unforgettable experience, Kristin says that this date is probably better for longtime couples rather than for a first date.

“It was a really fun date because we got to do something really memorable and unexpected,” Kristin says. “I would definitely only suggest this for couples who have been dating for a while... If it was one of our first dates, I would have been even more nervous than I already was.”

5. Hit the Amusement Park  

If you and your guy are looking for a real thrill, hop in the car and drive to the nearest amusement park. While it’s one of the more expensive date options on this list, it’s the most guaranteed to get your adrenaline rushing. Get in line for the tallest, fastest, scariest rollercoaster, and then squeeze his hand tightly as you climb the first ascent. Be sure to buy a picture taken on the ride once you exit—even if your eyes are shut and your mouths are open wide mid-scream, it’ll be a cute memento from your day together!

6. Get Messy

Remember when Patrick took Kat paintballing in 10 Things I Hate About You and they shared a romantic, colorful, messy kiss? Time to recreate the scene! Paintballing is a fun way to get a little flirtatious competition going (as long as you’re okay with getting covered in color).

“My boyfriend was really into paintballing, so he brought me along once,” said Phyu-Sin Than, a junior at Mount Holyoke College. “It was the [biggest] adrenaline rush I had ever experienced, but it was so much fun!”

7. Get Your Heart (and Your Legs) Racing

If you and your guy are the athletic type, a themed run could be the perfect date for you. Try a zombie-themed 5K to see if your guy could defend you against a zombie apocalypse, a Color Run for the happiest 5K ever, or a 5K Foam Fest if you want to get a little (okay, a lot) messy.

Now that you’ve got a few shortcuts to get your guy’s heart pounding, you’ll never have to go on a dull date again. Have you gone on an exciting date that we didn’t list? Share it in the comments!

Name:Stefan Cvrkalj
College/University: Lehigh
Year of graduation: 2015
Single or Taken: Single

Interests and Hobbies: Basketball, Red Hot Chili Peppers

Involved in on campus: Men's Varsity Basketball Team

Greek Life: Not in a house, I just go to their parties : )

Ideal First Date: One that appeals to her personality and interests

What do you look for in a girl: Eyes, Smile, Wittiness

What are some turn offs: Rudeness

Who is your celebrity crush: Candice Swanepoel

What is one item you cannot live without: iPod

Funny/embarassing moment: Got locked out of my room in a towel 20 minutes before class in the first week of school

What is your favorite memory at Lehigh: The first weekend parties before the start of first semester

What are you looking forward to at Lehigh: Spring Break

Anything extra: Bilingual

Name: Nick Bader
College/University: West Virginia Wesleyan College
Year: Freshman
Major: Communication
Expected graduation date: May 2016
Relationship Status: Single
Hometown: Bronx, New York

Campus activities: Baseball, Dj for C-92 Radio, Writer for The Pharos campus newspaper

Favorite Food: Rice & beans
Favorite Movie: Anchorman
Favorite Animal: Dog
Favorite Pick-up Line: "Excuse me, but you're beautiful."

Dream Date: To take a girl to my favorite restaurant, Big Nicks, then walk through Riverside Park in New York.

Turn-ons: Tattoos
Turn-offs: Girls who can't keep a conversation going

Celeb Crush: Either Shakira or Blake Lively

Hidden Talents:
Bilingual, love to dance, and can cook Spanish food.

Name:Shaun Thomas Hamilton Abreu
College/University: Barnard
Hometown: New York City
Class Year: 2014
Major: Political Science, Art History
Relationships Status: Single, Bilingual, and Ready To Mingle

On-campus activities: Delta Sigma Phi Fraternity
Off-campus activities: Writing fiction

Favorite spring break moment: Sprinting away after shoplifting 

Greatest fear: Losing all my teeth

The thing that’s defined your Columbia experience: Jane Austen's courtship plot

Hottest outfit for a girl: Jackie O Dress

Fun fact: I can make flute sounds with my hands 

Quality you most admire in others: Charm

Words you live by: Duck! 

Upcoming event you’re most excited for this spring: Delta Sig's Semesterly Crush Party

One thing you wish you knew or understood about girls: What dictionary they're all using

Musical artist you’d most like at Bacchanal: Avicii 

The food that best describes your personality and why? Hot pockets

This campus cutie is a southern boy with a city twist. He's down to earth enough to love mac n' cheese, yet sophisticated enough to be bilingual (c'est magnifique!). He finds nothing more attractive in a love interest than good old confidence. He is a swimmer and most importantly, a hopeless romantic. And he's all Penn's!
Name:Jibreel Jordan Powell
College/University: U Penn
School: College
Year: 2016
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Major: Biological Basis of Behavior
Languages: English, French, learning American Sign Language
Extracurriculars: QSA, Check One
Relationship status: Taken

Hobbies: Swimming, Listening to/Trying to write Spoken Word,
Astrological Sign: Libra
Celebrity crush: Adam Levine
Favorite food: Mac n' cheese
Favorite pick up line: Apparently Ryan Lochte does this thing where he just looks at someone, winks, and then walks away. It’s not really a line, but that’s my favorite.
Penn bucket list: Start/lead a club, have a barista in Starbucks learn my name/order, learn another language (I’m thinking Arabic), and travel abroad.
Perfect date: A nice dinner somewhere overlooking the ocean and ending the night on the beach at sunset.
Favorite quote:"I promised my loneliness, one day I will write myself a glass essay, and then, I will love like it can't break." -Alysia Harris
Spring Break idea: A house on the beach seems pretty fun
Song on repeat right now: “Thinking About You” by Frank Ocean
What do you find most appealing: Confidence and a sense of humor
What do you find least appealing: Rudeness
If you could go anywhere now, where would it be and why: I would take my boyfriend to Paris, because I went this summer, and I really want to take him. 

Meet Ed Grattan. This sophomore loves getting involved on campus and using his sense of humor and good looks to charm the ladies. You might have spotted him at the RSVP Center, where he’s a Greek Advocate, or at the Delta Tau Delta house or around campus with his camera.
Name: Ed Grattan
College/University: Mizzou
Hometown: Chesterfield, Mo.
Major: Biology and Religious Studies
Relationship status: Single

Campus involvement: Greek Advocates, GAMMA and Global Medical Brigades

Favorite pick-up line: "No tengo algo bueno para decir en Inglés, entonces le diré un cuento de un gatito y un árbol en Español.” (I do not have anything good to say in English, so I will tell you a tale of a kitten and tree in Spanish.)

Last song played on your iPod: “Shake Me Down” by Cage the Elephant

Unique fact: I am from El Salvador and am bilingual.

Dream job: I’d like to travel around the world and have the ability to give medical care to those who need it. It would also be nice to become a religious studies professor.

Favorite vacation spot: Anywhere with a lake or a beach. A week at the Lake of the Ozarks with friends is always great.

If I were an animal: Unfortunately, there is an ongoing joke that I look like Timon from The Lion King. So I guess a defenseless meerkat.

Something no one knows: I like photography and would like to some day get good enough to display my photos. I am also from the future.

Perfect date: It would probably involve a Blues game, dinner and a movie, and a good concert to top it off. I don't know how that would fit into one day, but as long as they like the idea of hockey, a funny movie and great music, I’m fine.

Name:Theo Varenne
College/University: St. Andrews
Studying: International Relations, Arabic and Persian
Year: 2
Hometown: Tokyo, or wherever his parents are (currently outside of Paris)

When I mention the high workload Theo must have studying international relations and two languages, he laughs and explains that he’s always had a love of learning languages. I’m assuming this is partially out of habit— coming from a bilingual household that alternates between French and English, and partially out of necessity—having moved frequently with his family, living in Tokyo, London, and France, and on his gap year traveling through Malaysia, Mongolia, Syria and Lebanon. “It was something new to do, I already speak Spanish, so South America would have been cheating.”

Theo describes his personal style as ‘slightly eccentric’ and strongly influenced by his parents, though doesn’t really follow fashion. He prefers to buy what appeals to him, “If I see something I like, I get it." Usually something simple paired with something standout— like bright socks or bright green jeans "which I think are only socially acceptable in St Andrews,” he adds light heartedly. “I’m definitely colorful, but not to the point of looking like a rainbow.” While he takes his studies seriously, he doesn’t take himself too seriously- a rare and welcome treat in a town that can sometimes feel obsessed with image.

In his first year, Theo was the Traditions Representative in John Burnett Hall, where he met his girlfriend of almost a year, Catherine. “There’s a funny gif someone put up about guys in St Andrews and their reactions when they hear the word ‘relationship’. They just disappear: hiding in plants, blending into the wall; but I’m very happy where I am right now. We have a great time, always.”

St Andrews activities: Polo, all food and wine societies*, Model UN, cooking and having dinners, and helping to organize big events like the Bongo and Masquerade Balls.

Perfect Girl: I like someone who is funny, easy going, not someone who is very stuck up and set in their ways it to the point of being dogmatic. It can be very off-putting.

Weirdest Uni Experience: I’m not sure if I want that to be published…but this one time we went trolley tobogganing across the fairway of the Old Course…

*Fine Dining, Wine and Cheese, Chocolate, Quaich, Sushi

Name:Piotr Warchol
College/University: UIC
Major: Psychology and Biology
Year: Freshman
Hometown: Roselle, IL

Favorite Class: Chemistry

Perfect Woman: Funny, smart, laid black, beautiful, and awesome

Little Known Fact: English is my second language, I learned it in third grade.

Country or City: City

Spot on Campus: The Quad

Song Currently Stuck in Head: Titanium

Perfect Date: Movie, dinner, snuggling/cuddling

Name:Lucas Urrego
College/University: Providence College
Hometown: Medellin, Columbia
Graduation Year: 2014
Major: Marketing, Studio Art Minor

What do you like to do for fun?
Hanging out, partying, Capoeira.
 
What’s Capoeira?
It’s a Brazilian martial art; I’ve been doing it for 5 years. It consists of a lot of acrobatics and kicks and stuff. It keeps you fit, and it has a lot of history behind it. It was started by the slaves who were brought over by the Portuguese.
 
So far, what has been your favorite class?
Sociology. I’ve always liked it. It’s interesting to study different groups of people and why a group of individuals do certain things.
 
Any hobbies?
I do graphic design. I designed something for an art competition recently with the theme of “Spirit of PC” and I actually won. I won $200 and it’ll be displayed in Slavin.
 
What will you do with the money?
Probably buy clothes for the summer,
 
Any interesting plans for the summer?
I might get an internship doing marketing for an agency. I’m gonna train a lot for capoeira too and hopefully get my next rank.
 
What’s your current rank?
It’s basically the equivalent of a black belt.
 
What languages do you speak?
I speak English, obviously, Spanish, and some Portuguese. I was born in Columbia so Spanish is my first language and I learned English when I was nine. And then I learned Portuguese mainly through capoeira.
 
What do you look for in a girl?
Someone who’s themselves and doesn’t let other people influence who they are. Basically, a girl who’s authentic.
 
What’s your idea of a perfect date?
Doing something different, definitely not a conventional date. But overall, just being comfortable and able to laugh with them.
 
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
My superpower would be mind reading. It would be interesting to get into peoples’ thoughts without them knowing.
 
Whose mind would you read?
At the moment, probably my professors, so I would know how to respond on exams.
 
Any plans to study abroad?
Yeah, I want to go to Paris eventually, but I don’t know much French. I’ve always wanted to go to experience, the people, the culture, the food.
 
Any interesting quirks?
I’ve gotten into lucid dreaming. You’re basically in a dream and you realize you’re asleep, and you can control everything you dream. It’s intense, you’re basically controlling your subconscious. 

Name: Tadeu Velloso
College/University: Portland
Hometown: Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerias, Brasil
Major: Org Comm with a minor in History (Pre-Law).

What is it like to be a foreign hottie? **slight giggle** Well, it’s fun.

What is your favorite thing about Brazil? Tropical rain and my minha familia.

Do you know the Girl from Ipanema? We used to play barefoot volleyball in the streets of Belo Horizonte.

What do you like to do in your free time? Play futbol, drink Guarana and dance to “Ai Se Eu Te Pego” by Michel Telo, watch telanovelas and read “The Alchemist” by Paolo Coelho in original Portuguese.

What is your favorite snack from Brazil? Brigadero which is like fudge balls with chocolate sprinkles and chicken Coxinhas.

What languages do you speak? English, Portuguese and Spanish.

What food reminds you of home? Rice and black beans.

Who is your favorite famous Brazilian? Pele. Obviously.

When was the last time you were in Brazil? Over spring break.

How excited are you that your home country is hosting the Olympics and the World Cup? 
I’m really excited especially since my uncle is the architect that designed one of the stadiums that one of the World Cup games will be played in.

How do American girls and Brazilian girls stack up? 
Brazilian girls are more carefree and curvy. American girls are self-aware.

What is your favorite rainforest creature and why? Jaguar because I love jungle cats.

What are the top Brazilian destinations that you would recommend for our readers? The statue of Christ the Redeemer, Ipanema, and a soccer game wherever you can find one!

It’s every girl’s worst nightmare: you’ve found out that the guy of your dreams is cheating on you with someone else. You thought he was Mr. Perfect, but he’s really Mr. Big Jerk. You’re furious, you’re devastated, you can’t figure out why he would ever cheat, and you have no idea what to do now. Well, the first thing you need to do is dump the jerk! Contrary to what you might be feeling in that moment, breaking up isn’t that hard to do. At least, it’s not that hard when you plan ahead. We’ve got a list of different collegiettes have gone about ditching a cheater—and they’re pretty wild. Just be sure to exact your revenge with caution—you don’t want to do anything that could get you in trouble! Now, dry your tears and keep reading!

1. Make Him Think You’ve Got Someone, Too

It might make you feel better to give the jerk a taste of his own medicine. At least, that’s what Emily*, a sophomore from Ohio State, did. When she found out that her guy was hooking up with other girls on the side, she had her friends stage a conversation in front of him. They not-so-subtly whispered about her seeing another guy, just for her cheating guy to hear!

For the icing on the cake, when Emily knew her boyfriend was out of town, she sent a fake invite for a rendezvous with the nonexistent mystery guy to her cheating boyfriend to read! A week later, she called and broke up with him, saying that she had “taken up new interests.”

When Emily’s ex got the message, he tried to regain some of his rep and convince their mutual friends that the break-up was all her fault. He even tried to get some intel on who the mystery man was! “He was jealous for a while, and kept trying to contact me to find out who the guy was,” Emily says. “He eventually got the hint that I was done with him.” This is a surefire way to turn the tables on a cheater—make him think he’s being cheated on, too!

2. Phones are a Girl’s Best Friend

When you don’t want to deal with ever seeing your cheating jerk again, turn to your phone for support. A few collegiettes, including Hanna, a sophomore from Penn State, have texted their soon-to-be-exes to end the relationship. “It’s definitely easier when you have your phone to hide behind,” Hanna says. “I knew I never wanted to see my ex again, and breaking up in person would have been too painful.”

Just be sure to word your texts right! UCLA junior Julia* says she texted her dishonest ex: “UR A CHEAT. NO XO 4 U. G2G, LOS3R.” Sometimes, you just need to keep it short, not-so sweet, and to the point!

3. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold

Sometimes, you might get a hankering for some old-fashioned public revenge.

Alicia, a senior from Emory University, says that she set out to completely humiliate her cheating ex who cheated on her behind her back for three years. “I wanted everyone at school to know what he did, so I put up flyers all over campus,” she says. “In big block letters were the words ‘NOT WANTED,’ and his name and photo were underneath. At the bottom, I wrote: ‘LIKES TO HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT EVERYONE ELSE’S TOO. REWARD OFFERED TO ANY WOMAN HE CAN STAY FAITHFUL TO.’ I know it seems childish and petty, but it was just what I needed, and he definitely had trouble finding a date after that!”

4. Sing the Sucker a Sweet Song

Just because your guy’s a cheating jerk doesn’t mean the romance is gone—how about a personalized serenade?

That’s what Kasey*, a sophomore from Bucknell, kept in mind when she set out to get back at her boyfriend of eight months. As per her plan, when the two were out with friends at a karaoke night funded by the university, Kasey took the stage. She said, “I’m dedicating this number to my loving boyfriend, Jeff*, who is going to love the way I decked out his new Jeep.” She blew him a kiss and proceeded to serenade him with Carrie Underwood’s song “Before He Cheats.” Halfway through the song, the audience’s cheater-hating boos were so loud that he ran out of the place in humiliation. Sounds like he was really moved by her performance!

5. A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words

Now this break-up method definitely isn’t for everyone. NYU senior Sara* said that once she found out that her guy was a cheater, she made sure everyone else knew, too. She Photoshopped her guy’s head onto a photo of a cheetah and made it her profile picture on Facebook! She tagged him in it long enough for him and his friends to see it, and then unfriended him so she wouldn’t have to deal with him again. If you go this route, everyone will be sure to know your guy is more than just an animal, he’s a cheetah!

As you know by now, there’s more than just one way to dump a cheater; all you need to do is get a little creative. Need some more inspiration? Check out the dos and don’ts of breaking up. Have you ditched a jerk before? We want to know how—tell us in the comments below!

*Names have been changed.

Forget about first exams and getting to know your randomly-picked roommates… one of the most intimidating things to navigate as a newly enrolled freshman collegiette is the on-campus dating scene. In high school, it was easy to meet guys who already lived in your hometown. But in college, the dating rules are different, and it’s not always so easy to meet guys. Where can you find these collegents? How do you impress them? How do you avoid being dismissed by them as just another frat party-hopping freshman girl? We’ve asked girls and guys across the country about the first-year college dating scene to bring you this tell-all guide on how to meet guys as a freshman girl(and how not to be that freshman).

Where to meet him:House Parties

Maybe it was his slick dance moves or his mad flip-cup skills, but whatever it was, it’s thrown you head over heels for this Campus Cutie. So how do you get his attention? Katie King from Western Michigan University says that steering clear of the row upon row of frat houses and opting instead to hit up house parties can be a great way to meet older college guys and stand out from crowds of freshman girls. “A ton of freshman girls go to the frats, but that is what kind of makes you stick out as a freshman,” Katie says. “Talk to tons of people and try to go out with them. House parties are usually the best place to meet older guys.” House parties tend to be a more intimate setting for meeting guys: there are usually fewer and therefore, it’s easier to chat up that cutie!

How to impress him

Be fun and flirty! Just remember that there’s a fine line between being the life of the party and being “that party girl” (Ke$ha, anyone?). Zachary from Wake Forest University says you should be careful about hooking up with too many guys too quickly or you’ll end up with a reputation that reaches all the way to the upperclassmen. “I guess if hooking up is what you’re all about, then have at it,” Zachary says. “But it doesn’t make you look good when you’ve hooked up with all my friends by the end of fall semester.” In other words: keep it classy, collegiettes!

Where to meet him: Tailgates and games

Sure, we’re all swooning over the quarterback of the football team or the captain of the ice hockey team, but what about that cute friend of a friend you meet while tailgating? Tailgates and sports games can be the best places to meet guys (the ones who aren’t sweating up their uniforms)!

How to impress him

If there’s one thing that guys love to talk about, it’s sports, so why not strike up a convo about the game, the teams playing, and the players on the field? Even if you know zip about the sport, take that as your opportunity to chat him up for info like Emily from the University of Mississippi did. Emily met her freshman year boyfriend through her sorority sister at a tailgating party. “Tailgating is big down here at Ole Miss,” Emily says. “But it’s funny, because coming from New England, I really didn’t know a whole lot about Southern football teams. So he tried to explain what was going on out on the field, we ended up talking for the whole game, and he asked me out. We’re still dating three years later and now, tailgating is our favorite thing to do!” If all goes well, you'll have a date for next game! And even if he’s from another nearby school and you’re rooting for opposite teams, that only brings up the opportunity for you to use this perfect betting line: “If my team wins, you’re taking me to dinner!”

Where to meet him: Dorm halls and study lounges

If you’re looking for guys, what better place to start than with the guy next door? Kema Christian-Taylor from Harvard University says that the common room in the dorm was always a hotspot for scoping out hotties. “I would always go down to my dorm's common room, no matter what the hour!” Kema says. “It was rarely ever empty, and def a hot spot on Friday and Saturday nights after everyone had finished partying, but didn't want to go to bed yet!”

How to impress him

The great thing about dorms – and especially dorm lounges – is that there is always something happening right down the hall, whether a group of your guy hallmates are watching a movie or playing a video game (in which case, you can show off your mad gaming skills at Mario Kart playing as Yoshi)! Dorms are a great way to meet, get to know, and hang out with other guys who are living in your dorm.

Where to meet him: Classes and labs (or in-between)!

If that broodingly handsome cutie in your chemistry class is making eyes at you across the lecture hall, spark some chemistry of your own by approaching him in class. Amelia* from the University of Michigan says that even waiting in between classes can be a perfect time to approach guys. “I would grab a quick bite to eat in between classes sometimes and random guys would come sit by me,” she says. “One time I was reading a magazine and a guy approached me and said, ‘[T]alking is more fun than that, right?’ I laughed and let him sit with me. Although it never went anywhere, I did enjoy talking to him.”

How to impress him

There are plenty of ways to approach a guy in class. Nab him as your lab partner, work on a group project with him, or, as Claire from Ohio State University suggests, “Ask for his notes!” Offer to study for the upcoming exam with him. While you’re at it, offer to meet him for coffee post-cram sesh or pre-lecture. As girls, we can be intimidated by asking a guy out, but being upfront and confident is always sexy. “There’s no harm in making the first move, ladies!” says Bill Feldman from Emory University.

Where to meet him: Student clubs and off-campus activities

You might be the shy type, or maybe you’re not into the party scene on campus. It’s still easy to meet guys thanks to student clubs, sports teams, and other extracurricular groups. Odds are that you’ll want to start writing for your college newspaper, or maybe you’ll want to try your hand at juggling – either way, there are countless different groups for you to join, and freshman year is the perfect time to do so!

How to impress him

Joining as many social organizations as you can is the best way to meet guys who already share the same interests as you. You’ll know that you’ll have at least one thing in common and you can impress him with your skills. Even if that first date with him doesn’t work out, you at least found a group where you can do something you enjoy (and possibly where you can meet other guys who love dancing, foreign films, or kayaking just as much as you do).

What’s most important to keep in mind about freshman year is that as a freshman, you should experience all that the college dating scene has to offer. When there’s so much to discover about being a new collegiette on campus, serious boyfriend-hunting shouldn’t take a big priority. And if you do snag a Campus Cutie your first year, don’t be distressed if the relationship doesn’t work out. It can be limiting being tied down in a relationship, anyway, and college can be the best time in your life to live it up as a single lady!

*Names have been changed for anonymity.

As much as we try to fight it, we collegiettes may be hard-wired to seek out bad boys. From the tattooed, motorcycle-riding hipsters to the frat bros with lists of past hook-ups that rival phone books, we just can’t seem to help ourselves. Unfortunately, this tendency doesn’t just harm us; it also sells short the under-appreciated (but totally deserving) majority: nice guys.

Since Mr. Nice Guy has earned himself some extra love from us ladies, we should work on spotting him in the crowd. Don’t be fooled by pretenders! Read on for the seven foolproof ways to know if he’s a good egg. Do it for the sake of the sweethearts.

1. He has a Good Relationship With his Family

Friends come and go, but family is forever. Though he may gripe about a little sibling or roll his eyes when his parents bug him about how he should do his laundry more often, a good guy stays on good terms with the people who raised him.

“The best way to tell if he's a good guy is how well he treats his mother,” says Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them. “If he treats her with respect and shows her love and affection, it's a sign that he's a good guy.”

A guy who values important relationships in his life is likely to be open to building new ones, and once he and you get together, he’ll value you, too. It may not be easy to tell what he thinks of his family since he’s living away from home, but asking questions about his childhood will show you where his heart is. Watch how he interacts with his parents and siblings at family weekends and on-campus events (without being creepy!). If he’s talking a lot with them—and not bickering—he’s probably got a good thing going with the ‘rents.

2. He’s Good With Kids

While you aren’t hunting for the father of your children, that doesn’t mean you should be ignoring the major red flag of a guy who can’t stand things that are small, cute, or fluffy.

“I'm always so impressed when a guy is great with little kids,” says Anna*, a senior from Syracuse University. “I think it says a lot about his patience [and] temperament, and shows he doesn't take himself too seriously to let loose!”

Lieberman agrees. “Although it's almost a cliché, you want a guy who likes animals and children,” she says. “It shows how compassionate he is to those who are vulnerable.”

Plus, you want to be able to pet puppies and coo over chubby-cheeked babies without putting your man on edge. Is that really so wrong? If he winces at the idea of babysitting or is totally uninterested when you point out a cute toddler, he’s probably not a fan. If, on the other hand, he mentions that kids love him, or he’s game to make googly eyes at the baby across the restaurant, you’ll know you’ve found a good egg.

3. He’s Respectful to People He Doesn’t Need to Impress

Whether it’s the waiter, the bartender, the cashier, or just someone on the street, interacting with an individual like this creates one of the best opportunities for you to gauge whether your guy is a keeper or not.

“He's a good guy if he treats strangers with respect,” says Briana, a senior from Georgia College. “After all, he doesn't owe them anything.”

Shira, a junior from Franklin & Marshall, knew that her current boyfriend was a good guy when she saw how he acted in restaurants. “He treats everyone with a lot of kindness, especially those in service professions,” she says. “He'll always leave a nice tip, even if it's takeout, and thank everyone who helps him.”

If he’s making googly eyes at you but then badmouthing the person who’s serving him his meal—or worse, snapping at a waiter when they’re face-to-face—you should reevaluate your guy. “Seeing how your guy treats people he doesn't need to impress will show you his true character,” says Leiberman. In this case, he’s probably only respectful when it suits him—which means he’s definitely a dud.

4. He has Friends who are Girls

No, we don’t mean friends with benefits. We mean actual platonic female friends. “If you can contain your jealousy, it's a good sign for him to have friends who are girls, since this shows he's not just out for sex from every girl he meets,” Lieberman explains.

Shira’s boyfriend proves his prowess as a nice guy by being there for his girls—in a totally unromantic way. “He has a bunch of female friends, one of whom is actually an ex of his and one of my good friends now, too,” she says. “He'll often give relationship advice from the guy point of view when they have guy trouble.” If you see him caring for other girls this way, you can be sure that he’ll want you to be happy, too.

5. He’s Into Self-Improvement

Mr. Nice Guy is the guy who recognizes that, despite what we may believe, he isn’t perfect as is. So, he works on bettering himself (and you get to bask in all of the benefits!).

“I'm not about guys who are fixer-uppers and expect me to come in and make them better, nor am I about guys who think they're done growing and learning,” says Harper Yi, a junior at the College of William & Mary. “Relationships are about growing together and supporting each other's growth.”

If he wastes all of his time playing Xbox, watching Old School, and hanging out constantly with a group of guys who are going nowhere, he probably doesn’t think much about taking care of himself and his future, let alone someone else! Walk away and don’t look back (at least until he grows up a bit). If, on the other hand, he’s reading, keeping up on current events, or taking out-of-the-box classes to broaden his horizons, you can rest assured he’s getting his ducks in a row.

6. He Asks You Questions

It may seem like a no-brainer, but many a collegiette has wound up in a relationship without realizing that her guy just isn’t that interested in her. He may be calling you pretty and kissing you, but if he isn’t asking you questions, he’s way more into himself than he’ll ever be into you.

“A good guy is more interested in learning all about you than telling you about himself,” confirms Lieberman. Why is it so important? A guy should want to know about you so he can figure out if the two of you are a good fit. If he doesn’t care much either way, he isn’t giving it his all. 

“I once went on a date with a guy who I barely knew, and I was worried we wouldn’t know what to say,” recalls Jenna*, a senior at Skidmore College. “We ended up talking for four hours over coffee. He asked me all sorts of questions. Not like an interrogation, just like he genuinely wanted to know. I knew immediately that he was one of the good ones.”

Want to snag a good one of your own? Be wary of guys who give you the third degree on the first date, but be excited about ones who ask more than “yes” or “no” questions (“Your place or mine?” doesn’t count!).

7. He Goes out of his Way to Take Care of You

The easiest way to spot Mr. Nice Guy is to catch him doing something—wait for it—nice! While bad boys lack the most basic common courtesies, nice guys go above and beyond by exceeding our expectations every time. Yet another reason why we owe them our attention!

*Ellie, a sophomore at Boston University, discovered one guy’s softer side when she was almost two hours late to meet him at a costume shop. Though it was their first day spending one-on-one time together, he immediately suggested that they leave the costume shop and that he treat her to dinner when he found out Ellie hadn’t had time to eat beforehand. “Even though I had accidentally been so rude to him, he wanted to look out for me and take care of me,” Ellie says. “I thought it was so sweet, and he's been looking out for me with little thought for himself ever since.”

The number one time that nice guys step up to the plate? When you’re sick.

“When I met [my boyfriend], we had been hanging out a while until we finally had our first kiss,” says Mariana, a junior from William & Mary. “The very next day, I woke up sick and unable to leave my bed. He surprised me with chicken noodle soup, applesauce, and some sweets. He even accompanied me to the Health Center. We weren't even dating then and he showed so much compassion and kindness. Almost two years later, and he's still that genuinely good guy.”

While you have to make sure not to abuse this awesome quality (in other words, don’t demand that he bring you sweets when you’re sick or wait hours and hours for you), you shouldn’t shy away when it comes out. This is his way of saying, “I’m a nice guy! And I like you!” Sounds good to us!

Beware, however, of stage-five clingers. If he’s being overly attentive, not leaving you alone, or giving you gifts that go way beyond normal expectations, you might want to ask for some breathing room.

Though they may not be celebrities in the hallways, nice guys are diamonds in the rough that is your college campus. Ditch the creeps and keep your eyes peeled for these seven green light signs—the man of your dreams may be closer than you think.

*Names have been changed.

Sometimes, you’re just not that into him. While you can always let an objectionable bachelor ogling you from across the dance floor down firmly, but politely, we’ve found that evasion and deceit can work just as effectively! From outrageous claims to unsolicited confessions, here is the official Her Campus list of phrases you can use to turn someone down––without being the least bit polite.

1. I’d love to go out with you Saturday, but I’m going to have a migraine that night.

2. I think I hear someone calling me… way, way over there. (And then bail!)

3. You want to make out right now? I don’t think that’s a great idea, what with my infectious mouth disease and all…

4. I suffer from somnambulism, so if I go home with you I might end up raiding your fridge and eating all your leftovers in the middle of the night.

5. Sorry, but my mom is really set on me marrying someone who’s Greek Orthodox.

6. This feels like the beginning of a really great friendship!

7. I’d love a drink, as long as you’re not under the impression that offering me one will entice me to hook up with you later.

8. My pet goldfish just passed away, so this really isn’t a great time for me to be seeing anyone.

9. It’s nice; being around you is just like being around my brother!

10. I’d probably be more into this if the pregnancy test I took this morning hadn’t been positive.

11. If only I hadn’t just enrolled in a convent…

12. It’s not you; it’s your facial hair. And your shirt. And your personality.

13. I’m sure you’re a great dancer, but due to my claustrophobic tendencies I need to maintain a five-foot radius around me on the dance floor at all times.

14. I’m deaf in my left ear, so I can’t really understand what you’re saying. Nope, sorry, still can’t hear you––my right ear isn’t that great either.

15. I’d totally give you my number, but I’m not sure my girlfriend would be thrilled about it.

16. I’d love to get dinner with you, but I’m a gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free vegan who’s allergic to shellfish and nuts, so my options are pretty limited.

17. I have genital herpes, so…

18. Sorry, but I just remembered that I have to go trim my split ends right now.

19. My parents just got divorced 13 years ago, so I’m still pretty fragile.  

20. It’s been great talking to you, but I think I’m going to go talk to that really attractive guy over by the bar now.

21. See this ring I’m wearing? It’s from when I made my vow of abstinence.

22. I’ve had a lot to drink tonight and I’m probably going to vomit sometime within the next 20 minutes, so I’m just going to terminate this conversation now.

23. Samahani, mimi si kuzungumza Kiingereza. (Translation: “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English.” Hopefully, he doesn’t speak Swahili!)

24. I’d love to go out with you tomorrow, but I’m going to have an unexpected family emergency.

25. I’m writing my women’s studies thesis on the patriarchal system behind courtship rituals, so dating isn’t really something I ethically support right now. 

26. I only date men who have been the face of a major fashion ad campaign.

27. Talking to you makes me feel like I’m talking to one of my girlfriends!

28. My parents told me I’m not allowed to date until I get married.

29. I have a very meticulous bedtime beauty regimen, so unless you have a microdermabrasion scrub brush and replenishing eye cream at your apartment, I’m not going to be able to go home with you.

30. Hanging out tomorrow would be great, but the thing is I’ve already made plans with my DVR and a jar of Nutella.

31. My marriage has been arranged since I was five, so…

32. I’m sure you’ll make some girl that isn’t me really, really happy some day.

33. I would totally be down to make out if I hadn’t just eaten that garlic, onion, and hot pepper gyro.

34. I don’t believe in monogamy, so I think it’s best I just spare you the heartache.

35. I’d love to go see a movie with you, but I’ve already seen every single movie that’s in theaters right now.

36. You don’t have any better-looking friends with you, do you?

37. Sorry, I’m saving myself for Ryan Gosling.  

38. I’m a (your astrological sign), so I really think I’d be more compatible with a (any astrological sign that isn’t his).

39. I’d give you my number, but I actually don’t own a cell phone. No, sorry, no email address either. And you definitely won’t find me on any social networking sites.

40. I don’t believe in engaging in intimate relationships due to my deep-seated abandonment issues.

41. Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow night. I already made plans to shave my legs and attempt impossible Pinterest recipes.

42. It’s such a relief that you’re gay! …You are gay, right?

43. I’m just going to be frank: I’m menstruating. So, hooking up with you tonight—not going to happen.  

44. I would totally let you kiss me right now, but this piece of gum I’m chewing still has a lot of flavor left and I really don’t want to spit it out yet (or ever).

45. I think that’s my phone ringing… I better go take this call way, way over there.

46. Dinner this weekend would be great, but unfortunately I only eat solid foods on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

47. Oh, wait, I think I just spotted someone else that I’d rather be talking to!

48. I’m almost positive I forgot to put on deodorant before I left my dorm tonight, so you might want to maintain your distance.

49. I actually identify as asexual, so…

50. I’d go out with you, but I’d be afraid of my future children inheriting your nose.

Go break some hearts, collegiettes!

It’s a new school year, which means, in all its cheesy glory, a brand spanking new you! You may not realize it yet, but those summer months of internships, relaxation, and sun have matured us all—it’s better to blame it on the tan than the actual fact that we’re growing up, we’re big girls now. That being said, we’re saying goodbye to the days of promising ourselves we’ll find a boyfriend while stuffing our faces with Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream on the couch. This year, collegiettes’ love resolutions will be about confidence, self-respect, and everything else that will rock everyone’s world… starting with our own. We’ve complied a list of four love resolutions (and tips for putting them into action) that will make this school year the best one yet.

Love Resolution #1: I Will Confront My Crush

“I think my new semester's love resolution is to finally have a conversation with this guy I've been crushing on. We met at a party, he seemed super into me and even asked for my number, but I get very nervous whenever I see him!” – Kelsey, Boston University 

So you’ve been crushing on this guy for, I don’t know, ever. Well, this year, it’s time to take some action. If he hasn’t made a move yet, then it’s your time to step up to the plate—the ball’s in your court.

I know, easier said than done. However, in the grand scheme of life, what do you have to lose? You’re not dating, so you can’t break up. If you’re friends, confronting him won’t completely and totally ruin your friendship, assuming you let yourself move on. If you’re acquaintances, then you could end up as friends—and almost every great relationship starts off with that as a solid foundation.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Professor of Psychology at California State University and a relationship expert who’s been featured as one of Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, adds that pining after someone for so long can get pretty tiring—this year, it’s time to rip the Band-aid off with one quick pull. “As I see it, you may as well get in there, be yourself and see what happens,” Durvasula says. “Waiting is not likely to create change, and in the interim, someone else may snatch him up.”

The absolute worst thing that can happen is he says no. But if that’s the case, then he clearly wasn’t good enough for you. After a well-deserved trip to your fave froyo joint and a Sex and the City marathon, you’ll be as good as new—and you’ll eventually have a story to laugh about with your girlfriends (not to mention a completely valid reason to seek revenge… totally kidding. Maybe.).

“But keep in mind, even if he says no—you are still you. It isn’t an indictment of you. Think of the guys you have said no to—it wasn’t personal, it just wasn’t a fit,” Durvasula says.

How To Do It?
Like I said before, it’s a whole lot easier to imagine a perfect situation where you approach that Campus Cutie in your chemistry lab, ask him out, and then you ride off into the sunset together living happily ever after. But let’s get real—college isn’t exactly the set of a Disney movie (although I’m sure more than a few of us have lost a shoe after a night out… or before the clock struck midnight).

So just how exactly do you go about creating your 21st century, fairytale-esque, I-just-hope-I-don’t-have-anything-in-my-teeth dreams a reality? While there are no foolproof scenarios you can concoct, there are ways to talk to that special guy without desperately wanting to crawl under your bed and hide forever.

Durvasula recommends approaching him wherever and whenever you feel most comfortable.

“If you are at the same party, wonderful, a perfect place to approach. Time it right, catch his smile across the room, or comment on something he is looking at or wearing. At the end of the day, the more times you take the initiative, the bolder you will get, and the boldness will ultimately get you to the right match for you.”

Scenario:
If you see him out, go up and talk to him! Parties are all about mixing and mingling, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary to start chatting him up. With a little liquid courage if you’re of age (and I mean a little—we’re not trying to channel Cady Heron by throwing up on Aaron Samuels), be that confident collegiette that you know you are deep down inside. If you’re nervous at first, ask your friends to come with you, letting them know that once conversation is flowing, they can subtly and slyly walk away. So, what are good conversation starters? Anything from class, to summer, to Greek life, to the breed of his dog—anything you’re interested in! A pretty good go-to is, ‘Hey, how are you? I haven’t seen you around in a while, what’s new?’ But what if you guys haven’t really formally met? Well, if you have mutual friends, ask them to casually introduce you two. I’m also a supporter of not-so-accidentally bumping into them. From there, you can apologize for your clumsy (but not alcohol-induced) trip and strike up a conversation. But just remember, this is the 21st century, there’s no need to wait for him to ask you for your number. Be confident and cute, and ask him for his digits! You’d be surprised how sexy confidence can be.

Just remember collegiettes, however you decide to approach him (a.k.a lure him in), be direct! Psychotherapist Mary Waldon, LCSW says, “Ask for a date. Call it a date. No need to go on and on about your feelings and the history. Just say you like him and ask for a date.” Let’s be honest, you have about five minutes (read: seconds) before his mind wanders off to ESPN, sex, or just the sound of crickets chirping. Catch his attention while you can!

Love Resolution #2: I Will Say Goodbye to Hopeless Hook-Ups

“I won't go into random hook-ups with the hope that they will turn into relationships. Instead I'll indulge in a few spontaneous hook-ups but the rest of the time take things slowly and give guys a chance to get to know me before I let them get to know me in an intimate way.”- Anonymous, University of Michigan 

Random hook-ups and DFMOs—dance floor make-outs—have seemingly become staples to the college experience. But why? Does anything beneficial really come out of shoving your tongue down a stranger’s throat? While we can all agree that random hook-ups are basically pointless, a lot of collegiettes still take part in those awkwardly public, very drunk make-out sessions… usually in hopes that it will turn into something more. Although I’m taking a wild guess here, I’m going to assume that about 99.99 percent of these one-time hook-ups stay as just that: one-time hook-ups. However, there’s no real mystery to this one.

“There is nothing wrong with a bit of rolling around together, unless there is a part of you in the back of your mind that hopes it will become something more,” Jeffrey Sumber, psychotherapist and adjunct professor at National-Louis University, says. “Let's be honest with ourselves first. Guys get turned off when they find a girl who says she just wants to hook up but then [wants] more afterwards. Many guys want the truth and get frustrated when the ‘truth’ isn't the message at the outset.”

When it comes down to it, a fun little romp between the sheets just doesn’t establish anything but a physical connection.

“Both sex and relationships thrive with honesty. Be honest about whichever it is you are after, relationship or sex. If it is both, then I'd recommend beginning with connection and taking it a few notches slower on the physical plane. If a guy is too impatient after a few dates, then he is probably not the right guy for you,” Sumber says.

So come fall semester, we’re making a change. Say goodbye to constant, hopeless and empty hook-ups, and say hello to finally making a legitimate connection with that hottie at the bar.

How To Do It?
Fight the urge! Instead of going straight to the hook-up, try making out what he’s all about and getting to know him—show off your self-respect and confidence. By the end of the night, after an awesome conversation, you decide if it’s the right time for that special first kiss. Keeping him guessing all night long will definitely hold his attention, and who doesn’t like a little chase?

Scenario:
You met a fratstar last week and totally fell for him. But he only texts you when he’s drunk late at night. He’s only interested in hooking up, but you want more—you really like him. There are different ways to handle this: you can wait it out for a little and see where it goes, or play hard-to-get and say no when he calls you at 2 a.m. to come over and “hang.” In a situation like this, he’s usually only using you for a little you-know-what. If you’re looking for something more, you have to express that, otherwise things will stay just as they are, as pointless hook-ups. You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) outright say, “I want a relationship. Right now. Or else,” but you can suggest going to dinner one night or seeing a movie (outside of his Netflix account and his bedroom).

Love Resolution #3: I Won’t Jump Into A Relationship Too Quickly

"I'll take my relationships day by day.”- Alexa, JMU 

This one goes hand-in-hand with #2. We all love meeting new guys with the hopes of something bigger and better coming along with him. But at the same time, sometimes we tend to jump too soon. Here’s how it goes: you meet a nice guy, you hit it off, and you start picking out country clubs for the wedding reception. That is how it works, right? Surprisingly enough, not exactly (don’t worry, my mind was blown too). As it turns out, too much too soon can, and most likely will, scare any guy off in a heartbeat.

“While I’m a fan of being honest about one’s excitement and interest, [you] need to remember that [your] enthusiasm might be a bit much for someone [you] are just getting to know,” Sumber says. While Sumber doesn’t believe in following a specific set of rules when it comes to the dating scene (waiting to for him to call you, no double-texting, etc.), he does add that it’s best to “give yourself some space to marinate in the experience! Allow yourself to truly feel the feelings without rushing to the next interaction.”

If you think about it from his perspective, wouldn’t an obsessive, stage-five clinger turn you off, especially after only meeting him a week ago? While this is obviously a more extreme case, it does get the point across: slow it down, and get to know him before you start picking out baby names.

But while you’re off trying to play it cool, even though you’re completely and utterly gushing on the inside, don’t forget to show some interest. “Guys like that you are interested. In fact, most guys will not pursue you unless they know in no uncertain terms that you are interested,” Sumber says. So while you’re desperately attempting to ignore him at a party, just give up the act and shoot him a smile from across the room.

How To Do It?
While all the voices in your head are screaming, shouting, chanting, “Text him! Text him! Text him!” hold yourself back. Although it’s perfectly normal (and sane) to shoot him a text here and there when something reminds you of him (‘I saw the soccer team practicing today, you guys looked great out there’ or ‘I literally waited in line at Dunkin’ Donuts for two hours today, you’re right, I definitely should invest in my own Keurig’), don’t abuse the fact that you have his number, sending him text after text after text with no reply from his end. If you’re looking for something more, play it cool in the beginning to see just where this thing goes.

Waldon agrees, noting that collegiettes shouldn’t over-text or be too available. “If you have a tendency towards this type of behavior, enlist the help of a friend to help you rein it in,” she recommends. “A few basic rules of thumb: don’t text again until you receive a text back. If you tend to be an over-texter, make a pact with a friend. Either check in with the friend before you text or text your friend instead!”

Scenario:
You met a guy at a party and completely and utterly fell head-over-heels—he’s literally your dream come true. Problem is, he’s still suffering (seriously, suffering) over his recent break-up with his ex-girlfriend. You figure it’s fine; he has to get over it eventually. So you text him saying you had fun hanging out and all that jazz. He responds, but nothing much comes from the conversation. What do you do next? While you can always go for the classic ‘I will stalk you until you decide to marry me’ move, you’re probably better off letting him come to you. He’s still heartbroken, so by throwing yourself at him, you’re only bound to become his rebound. He has to make the decision to move on on his own terms. Pushing or persuading will do nothing but hurt the situation. It’s a slow process, but if you suggest grabbing coffee together when he’s ready (something light and easy), something positive can surely arise.

Love Resolution #4: I Will Make My Relationships Work

“I'm going to be a freshman and I'm going to school [five] hours away from home where my boyfriend of two years is staying! So my love resolution is to keep my relationship as strong as possible without being able to see him often.”- Laura, University of Wisconsin 

Every year, collegiettes across the country vow to keep their boyfriend and to stay in a relationship during the school year. Whether you’re at the same school or 500+ miles apart, every relationship takes work. While it may seem easier just to call it quits, having a long-distance relationship in college is doable, especially with all the technology that surrounds us (shout-out to Facebook, Skype, texting, and all that’s in between). But before deciding on anything this groundbreaking (I mean, choosing a new nail polish color takes tons of deliberation for me), make sure that this is not only something you want to do, but something that you should be doing.

“College is an extraordinary time—time for self-discovery and the discovery of others, and a long distance relationship can often distance a person from staying in the moment at her own college and in her own college experience,” Durvasula says. However, if you’re ready and willing to make the commitment, then you can make it work.

How To Do It?
Communication is key. You can’t be with someone if you never speak—that’s what marriage is for (totally kidding). We all have our ridiculously busy schedules (who knew college would be more taxing than anything else we’ve done thus far?), but we do have down time. While there’s the obvious phone call, Facebook message, Tweet, and e-mail, Durvasula also recommends adding something a little more romantic (and foreign to our generation) to your relationship: snail mail. Just picture it: how absolutely melt-worthy adorable would it be if your boyfriend wrote you a handwritten letter? Yeah, we thought you’d agree.

But don’t forget to make time for your college friends—they are the people you’ll be spending the next four years making fabulous mistakes with. So how do you go about this extreme balancing act (I’d like to see Gabby Douglas try this one out) and still come out with gold? It’s all about the scheduling.

“Schedule limited Skype, FaceTime, or phone time, a beginning and an end time, so you know when you will connect with your boyfriend, and still be able to live your life at school,” Waldon says. “Schedule time to get together, plan trips to each other’s campus, and incorporate friends into at least some of that time.”

Scenario:
Since he asked you to the prom your junior year, you’ve been basically glued to your boyfriend’s hip. You’ve stuck by each other through thick and thin, but now it’s time to go your separate ways—how heart-wrenching is that? But you’ve both thought long and hard, and decided that you can defy the statistics, you can overcome the stigma, and you can have a long distance relationship. So you set off to your different schools to live different lives, while still holding on to what you have as a couple. You both want to have the full college experience (whatever that is) that everyone keeps talking about. So while you Skype every Monday, Facebook chat every Wednesday in class, and text almost all day long, you also make sure you’re spending time with your new college friends. One weekend, you focus on your college world, only talking to your boyfriend here and there—you update him about everything on Monday. Another weekend, one of you visits the other at his or her school, absorbing each other’s own college life. You’ve figured out your own schedule and way to have a lasting relationship, and only you two can make it work after putting in what you think is the perfect amount of effort.

So collegiettes, did we miss your love resolution for the new school year? Let us know what you’re pledging to when it comes to love this year in the comment box below!

Whether it’s the cute baseball player down the hall, the arty English major one floor up, or the lacrosse-penney-sporting-Natty-drinking bro just two doors down, let’s face it: your college dorm is teeming with hotties of every race, creed, and fraternity.  Incoming freshmen get ready: living with guys is unlike anything you’ve experienced before.  But is it wise to tap into this veritable meat market knowing there’s a risk of bumping into a foiled hook-up every time you want to walk down the hall to take a shower?  Have no fear, darling co-eds.  Use these fixes for common dormcest “pitfalls” and you’ll be plunging headfirst into intra-dorm relationships before you can say, “Hey, I live on North Campus too!”

The Pitfall: Mismatched Expectations

It’s going to be tempting to jump into romance as soon as you get on campus and realize you have hot guys living next door.  Even the girl with the most self-control can have trouble resisting such romantic convenience.  But take it from Kelsey*, a collegiette who got involved with a guy in her dorm right off the bat, it’s better to wait.

“Right away I thought Tyler* was cute . . . [a]fter that first meeting, I started to see him all the time around the dorm. We ‘hung out’ quite a few times in the next couple of weeks . . . it was nothing more than friends with benefits. One time, we were messing around and he wanted to have sex but I said no.  He understood, but after that incident we [were] completely awkward around each other.”

When a gal gets involved with a guy quickly, it can be difficult for both parties involved to know what the expectations for the hook-up are.  It’s especially important to get these straight with a guy in your dorm—the possibilities of after-hookup awkwardness are that much greater (think a 24/7 Walk of Shame). 

The fix?  Spend a couple weeks just getting to know the guys in your dorm before you take it to a physical level—you’ll have a better sense of what they’re looking for (and what you’re looking for too).  And hey, there is no crime in looking!

The Pitfall: He Sees You at Your Best . . . and Your Not-So-Best

You know the feeling you get when you decide you’re interested in a guy: you’re consumed by the constant compulsion to touch-up your lip gloss, you put your girlfriends on a 24 hour “crushwatch” (so you can look like you are NOT trying at all times), and you actually start waking up to shower before class.  While we’ve all succumbed to this Secret Girl Behavior (which I guess is no longer secret), living with the guy you’re interested in poses a whole new set of challenges.  Your same-dorm stud will without a doubt see you at least once in each of the following situations:

1. walking to the shower in your towel, acne medication (or worse) in hand,
2. coming upstairs to your room at 3 am with a huge pepperoni pizza and no visible friends to share it with, and
3. having a loud and embarrassing phone conversation with your mother in the stairwell (“MOM, I told you I do NOT EAT TUNA FISH!  STOP SENDING IT TO ME!”)

The fix?  Well, there really isn’t one.  Living in close proximity to the boy of your dreams means that he’ll get pretty comfortable with your less-than-perfect habits pretty quickly.  Learn to crack a joke when he catches you, and at least this way there are no surprises about you in store for him down the road.

The Pitfall: Non-Exclusivity and Shared Living Space

So you’ve started getting busy on a semi-regular basis with a hottie on your hall.  Congrats!  While a late-night rendezvous is much more convenient when only a few yards separate you from your boy-du-jour, there comes a time when you (or he) may long for a romance outside the dormitory walls.  So what do you do when your dormcestual dude catches you coming back with another guy?  Or you see him coming back with another girl?  Without the promise of exclusivity, these can be quite the sticky situations.

The fix?  If you see your guy bringing back another girl, you’ll want to quietly and calmly go back to your room, or better yet, a girlfriend’s room.  This is not the time for loud, confrontational displays a la The Bad Girls’ Club or one of the many iterations of Flavor of Love.  If in the morning you find that you are still disturbed by the thought of your non-exclusive guy with another girl, it may be time to grit your teeth and have the “talk”.

Now if your guy sees you coming back with, well, another guy, be prepared for him to be upset.  Again, try to avoid any scenes.  You’re not technically in the wrong, so leave it up to him to say something later—but know that he may not have anything to say to you at all.  Remember that the proximity inherent in dormcest can be a cost as well as a benefit, since there’s really no avoiding each other.

The Pitfall: Keeping Dormcest Relationships Fresh

Real, exclusive, dormcest relationships can and do work.  But they require a bit of an extra effort to reach normalcy.  For example, it’s not normal to move in with a guy after dating for two weeks, but when you already essentially live together, it can be hard to find that separation you need in the early stages of the relationship.  Ava* reveals that her biggest problem with her boyfriend who lived in her dorm was that “we went from zero to living together in the span of about a week.”  Charlotte* echoes her sentiment: “Being in the same dorm meant the only time [my boyfriend and I] had to spend apart was when we had class.” 

It’s easy to get caught up in such a convenient romance, spending Friday nights cuddled up with your guy watching Friends reruns while your actual friends are out wondering if you’ve chosen to study abroad this semester without telling them. 

The fix? Make an effort to develop friends and interests that take you out of the dorm—that way if your romance ends, your life won’t!  Relationship expert Dr. Shoshanna advises against falling into “dead routines” in a relationship.  If every Saturday you and your guy spend the afternoon playing video games with his friends on his hall, eat dinner in your dorm’s attached dining hall, and watch movies in your room at night, break out!  Take a walk around campus in the afternoon, try a new restaurant, go to a party you normally wouldn’t attend.  It will keep you and your romance fresh!

The Pitfall: Dormcest Doesn’t Last Forever

If your dormcestual relationship has an unhappy end, it can be tricky to navigate the post-breakup waters.  If you’re close to the end of the year, congrats!  You won’t have to awkwardly co-habitate much longer.  But if you’re not so lucky, seeing your ex-flame at (literally) every turn can really take a toll on your psyche.

The fix?  Throw yourself into activities outside the dorm.  Do the same things you would do at the end of any relationship, but especially try to put yourself into situations where you won’t be spending excessive amounts of time wallowing in your room, only to bump into your ex walking to the vending machines to get a soda when you venture out of your room sporting your rattiest sweatpants and mascara tears, natch.  If you’ve really got to do the full-on waterworks, watch-The-Notebook-and-eat-a-pint-of-Ben-and-Jerry’s routine, consider moving the party to a girlfriend’s room in another dorm. Speaking with a friend earning their counseling degree might also be helpful. Above all, keep your head up, and know that there are infinitely more eligible bachelors outside your dorm than in it.

Now, perhaps you’re thinking, with all these pitfalls, why would I ever want to brave dormcest territory?  Girls, it really can be sweet, all risks aside.  Here are the top five perks of dormcest:

1. Your fingers will never freeze in sub-zero January temperatures on your way to see your boy-toy.
2. You probably have a lot of the same friends that live in your dorm, thus, making social plans together is easy.
3. Good day, bad day: He’s always going to be down the hall (or up the stairs).
4. If your man is of the Spencer Pratt variety, it’ll be much easier to keep tabs on him.  (But please don’t put up with these shenanigans in the first place).
5. You’ll never have to do the Walk of Shame across campus.

 
Sources:
College girls and guys from dorms across the country (* indicates name has been changed)
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, Ph. D., relationship expert (thetruthaboutlove.com)

Heartbreak is brutal. Following a breakup, time seems to move slowly and all you can think about is how much you miss your boyfriend-turned-ex. It’s easy to dwell on the past, but eventually you have to move on. Although people deal with breakups differently, there are some tried-and-true ways to get over him. We spoke to Laura Bradley, therapist and clinical director of Steadfast Counselling, and collegiettes about healthy ways to move on.

Be Honest About Your Feelings

Although it’s good to distract yourself to keep from dwelling on the relationship, it’s important to realize when you’re trying to suppress your feelings. By pretending that you’re feeling fine when you’re not, you’re only prolonging the heartache and slowing down the healing process, as Stephanie Taylor, a graduate of Oklahoma State University, learned.­

“I tried to pretend I was okay and wear a smile for people when I was really a mess,” Stephanie says. “Being around him on campus was so hard, so I just pretended [I was happy]. I went to parties and acted as if he never mattered.”

It wasn’t until a year later that she finally realized she wasn’t okay and decided to face the truth.

“I knew I hadn't gotten over it because it still hurt and I hadn't given myself the time I needed to move on,” she says. “So I started getting honest about how I felt. I let myself cry. I just got real and did what I needed to do for myself to get better.”

Rebuild Neglected Relationships

Looking back on your relationship, you may have been so head-over-heels in love that you didn’t realize how much you took your family and friends for granted. Now that the relationship is over, why not use your free time to reconnect with people you might have lost touch with? That’s what Allie Sutherland, a junior at Syracuse University, did after her last breakup.

“I'm actually seven months into single life after a three-year relationship ended, and it’s allowed me to reflect and realize how much I was prioritizing my role as a girlfriend over the [other] roles in my life,” Allie says. "Now that I could focus on being a better friend, sister, and daughter, I've made my relationships with my friends and family so much stronger, and I feel like a much more well-rounded person… I'm much more appreciative and thankful for my support system that has always been there for me.”

If you worry that your friends might reject you after you’ve neglected them in favor of spending more time with your then-boyfriend, don’t, Bradley says. “Even if you haven’t seen your friends as often as you used to, they’ll be there,” she says.

Start by genuinely apologizing to your friends and admitting that you regret the lack of time spent with them. Let them know that you value their friendship, and not just because you’re lonely now. Offer to take them out for lunch or coffee as a way to make amends and catch up.

Reconnecting with people who you were close to before the relationship started will not only remind you that there are people in your life besides your ex, but they’ll also be there to comfort you through the breakup.

Don’t Be Afraid to Talk it Out

Talking about your heartache will help you heal. Now that you’ve reconnected with your girlfriends, let it all out. Tell them everything you’re feeling––anger, sadness, confusion––and don’t be afraid to cry! They’ll not only lend you their shoulders, they’ll also help you look back on the relationship with clearer eyes. They can be sympathetic, but also blunt if they need to be.

“My best friend told me all the ways [my ex] was so wrong for me and how he was so immature and by showing all his flaws,” says Shira Kipnees, a rising junior at Franklin & Marshall College. “I could see that he clearly wasn't right for me and that I could do better and move on.”

However, there is a limit to letting out your emotions. It’s important to vent your feelings to your friends, but make sure that after you’ve let them out, you pick yourself up and move on. After some time has passed, if you’re still dwelling on the past and making no effort to move on, don’t be surprised if your friends start to get less sympathetic. “After a week or so of being upset, everyone told me to just move on and get over it, which was another wake-up call for me,” says Shira. Your friends will want what’s best for you, which is for you to be able to move past the breakup, after all.

Breakups take time to get over, so if you still need to express yourself but don’t want to annoy your friends any longer, make a new friend––a journal. You’ll be surprised at how writing down your emotions can feel just as good as venting to a friend.

Cut off all Contact With Your Ex

Even if you want to befriends with your ex in the future, the initial days and weeks after the breakup will be full of so much emotion that you’re better off avoiding a conversation with him if you can. Talking to your ex can bring up sad, angry, or nostalgic feelings and make it harder for you to move on; sometimes, it can just make you feel worse. Shira learned this the hard way.

“The guy I dated before my current boyfriend broke up with me on our three-month anniversary via Facebook chat, and at first I took it really hard,” she says. He later contacted her through Facebook chat to apologize for breaking up with her via Facebook chat! “It was that that made me decide to move on,” she says. “I took him off my newsfeed and made myself offline on chat so I never had to hear from him again.”

Out of sight, out of mind checklist:

1. Delete him from your Facebook (and Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, etc.) friend list, or change your settings to stop getting his activity on your newsfeed.
2. Take his phone number out of your contacts.
3. Delete any photos you have together or painful reminders of the relationship (including old emails or texts).
4. Throw or store away any things of his you may still have. Don’t be tempted to return them in person. If you must, get a third party to do it for you!

Focus on Yourself

Your boyfriend-filled days not only took time away from family and friends, they also took time away from yourself. Now that you’re not dedicating so much time to a guy, it’s time to build up your self-esteem by focusing on bettering yourself, whether it is studying harder to improve your grades, putting in volunteer hours for your resume, or hitting the gym to improve your health.

Kelsey Mulvey, HC’s How She Got There editor and a senior at Boston University, found that the time following a breakup was the perfect time for her to start investing in herself and her future. “Once my ex and I broke up, it was very obvious that he was holding me back in a number of ways,” says Kelsey. “I took my breakup as an opportunity to move my career forward. I became more invested in my extracurricular [activities] and writing positions, for example. As a result, I feel like I've turned into an improved and more independent version of myself.”

Similarly, following her devastating breakup, Jenna Kapsis, a junior and campus correspondent for the HC chapter at William Paterson University of New Jersey, focused her energy on getting involved in her school’s HC chapter.

“I discovered the HC website a month after I had a horrible breakup,” says Jenna. “It seemed perfect because I wanted to be involved in something that was fun and girly that was also going to benefit my future. So, I focused on bettering myself and being more successful.”

Focusing on yourself will build your self-esteem—you’ll realize you can make things happen for yourself and don’t need to rely on a guy for happiness!

Be Single for a While

Give yourself some time to grieve. Some people may say that “the only way to get over a guy is to get under another one,” but doing so too soon can have negative consequences.

“I started dating a guy shortly after my breakup and didn't have time to mourn the relationship that was lost previously,” says Paloma*, a recent graduate of Mount Royal University. “So when the new relationship ended it hit me twice as hard, and I found I was still upset about the one before, and that I was just dating someone else to try and get my mind off it.”

Bradley acknowledges that some people are able to deal with a loss by moving on right away, but others need to take time to themselves before getting back out there. “Be really compassionate and gentle with yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay for you to not just feel like bouncing back,” she says.

Learn From Your Breakup

If you look at relationships as growing experiences, you’ll never think of the time you spent with your ex as wasted time––just a lesson learned.

Use what you’ve learned––what you liked and didn’t like about the relationship, what worked and didn’t work––as a way to improve future relationships, says Bradley. And although your ex may have been a jerk, take an honest look at the role you might have played in the relationship’s demise.

“I tried to look back and really analyze what went wrong [in the relationship] and learn from it,” says Jessica*, a rising junior at Johns Hopkins University, of a past breakup. “I learned a ton about what I'm like in relationships, what I want from a relationship, and what I should do going forward.”

There’s no magic solution to getting over your ex (if there was, we’d be all over it). It takes time, patience, self-reflection, and a good support system to help you focus on your future. After all, your ex is your past now. And who knows who is waiting for you in your future?

*Names have been changed.

Name: Ryan Tracy
School: Emerson
Year: 2015
Major: Film
Relationship Status: Single
Hometown: Allendale, NJ
Hobbies: Rapping, writing verse, free-styling, and working out

Name: Steven Oliver
School: U Maine
Hometown: Rochester, NY
Relationship status: Single 

Favorite drink or beer: Coors
Interests: Rapping, Singing, Guitar
What do you look for in a relationship: someone who is down to earth
What were your plans for the holidays: Christmas with the family, Time Square for the Ball drop
 
This campus cutie is originally from Rochester, NY where he has been wooing the ladies since 1990. Steven is now a third year Business Management student here at the great University of Maine.  Before entering the real world of college, Steven started rapping during high school, and got his name Balliver which has stuck ever since. 

Another reason why we chose Steven as a campus cutie is because he CARES.  Steven is in the Army National Guard is set to be deployed to Afghanistan in August 2012 to 2013.  Steven works as a technical engineer and deals with mostly land surveying, and drafting and designing.  Before you ladies get tears in your eyes, Steven, or Balliver, will be back after his deployment to finish out his 4th year.  So if you see him on campus or at a party, say thanks for his commitment to our country and tell him how cute he is.
 
 Party people, check out his music here.

Name: Sylven Yacas
School: VCU
Year: Sophmore
Major: Biology
Hobbies: Lifting, movies, basketball, eating, board games, driving aimlessly, napping/rapping

Name:Marcus Marquez
School: Columbia Chicago
Age: 21
Major: Arts and Music Management
Interested in: Women
Relationship Status: Single

Hobbies/ Interests: Art, rapping, working out, playing piano

Favorite Movie: 300

Weird Talent: Jay-Z impressionist

Name:Lavell Lane
School: Howard
Year: 2015
Major: undecided 

 
Aspirations: I plan on opening my own Inner City Youth Center/Non Profit Organization
 
Dorm: Carver
 
Most Inspirational Quote: “What's an exit for others is an entrance for you.” I made that up.. It will be the slogan for my non-profit organization.
 
Hometown: Brooklyn, New York
 
Talents/Skills/Hobbies: I write poetry, I run track and field, I draw...there's more. I can rap, well MC...oh I play basketball, I did varsity in high school. Umm, I can play the recorder.
 
Status: Taken
 
What do you seek in a girl?: There's a lot. Let me see, let me see.....First and foremost, I want a girl that iss unique, optimistic, caring/sweet. She has to be good-looking, spontaneous...have a sense of humor, good potential. Perfectly Imperfect.

Name: Omar Jimenez (AKA OJ Tropicana)
School: Northwestern
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Kennesaw, GA
Relationship Status: Single
Major: Broadcast Journalism (Medill)

What sparked your interest in rapping?
It was basically someone telling me rapping was something I couldn’t do. In the context of the conversation it was just another funny joke, so I didn’t really think too much about it immediately, but for whatever reason one night I just kept thinking about it. So the next day I wrote my first rap to the “I’m on a Boat” beat. Everyone I showed it to loved it. So a mix tape and a half later here I am.

What do you like best about making your own music? 
There are no rules. The coolest thing to me is that you can literally write or rap anything you feel. I always describe rap as a flow of consciousness, and that’s exactly why I love it so much.

Tell us about your show during Wildcat Welcome. 
So right now the show I’m going to be a part of is taking place Friday the 28th at the Rock. I’m supposed to go on around 8 p.m. Honestly, I don’t know what to say about it. I think it’s going to be an awesome time, so I would really encourage people to come out, however young or old. The songs I will be performing come mostly from my last mix tape “Pure Premium,” but there are a few songs from my newest project “No Pulp.” The entire set should last about an hour, so plenty of time to get your daily dose of Tropicana.

Describe your personality.
A cool, calm, collected guy with a sense of humor. I’m always trying to make people laugh no matter how awkward or forced. Don’t get me wrong, behind all the comedy, and “coolness” I think I’m a pretty nice guy. I’m a big “people-person” too so I love to meet new people.

What’s your favorite song of all time and why? 
“Not Going Back” by Childish Gambino, no question about it. The lyrics are so powerful, and nearly every word has a parallel in my life.

Who is your biggest music inspiration? 
Childish Gambino is by far my biggest music inspiration. Otherwise known as Donald Glover, his situations, now and in the past, mirror almost perfectly what I’ve wanted mine to be and what mine were. As an actor/writer/comedian/rapper his work ethic is unbelievable, and that’s really something I use to inspire me not only as an artist, but also as a person.

Do you have any other hidden talents besides music? 
Well I don’t know if this is a hidden talent, but I play basketball for the varsity team at Northwestern, so that has to count for something. If I had to pick something that not many people know though, it would probably be Ultimate Frisbee. Whenever I’m home I play it all the time.

Name: Tate Tucker
School and Year: Georgetown, College 2014
Relationship Status: It’s Complicated
Hometown: LA

 
Your album, Virgin Liberation, dropped on the 23rd. What was your inspiration for it?
I wanted to add dimensions to the young hip-hop scene and escape the label of being a college rapper.
 
Have you ever written a song about a girl? If so, who? 
This girl in high school, Laura. I had a big crush on her all throughout high school but she always had a boyfriend and when she was finally single, I had a girlfriend. So now we’re best friends with awkward sexual tension.
 
Write an acrostic poem for yourself.
T enacious
A ss-alicious
T asty
E motional
 
What is your signature look? 
Tee, hoodie, khakis, sneakers (when I can pull it off). Occasionally the button down (get my G-town on). Desert boots for the intermediate weather

If you weren’t a rapper, what else would you be doing?
Growing up. I used to want to be women’s right’s advocate. I got beat up for that in high school - I don’t know if it would be that lucrative but it would be a cool side hobby.

If you were a wild animal, what would you be and why? 
I’ve always wanted to be a liger. I was a huge Napoleon Dynamite fan. I’m a Leo in terms of horoscope and they’re so tenacious.
 
What is the kinkiest thing you have ever done?
I’ve been caught “snuggling” at a family friend’s wedding celebration

Where is your favorite place to write music?
I usually like to be with a carved out pineapple on the beach with mango juice. It’s a weird thing and I don’t do it that often. I’m totally joking. I like to be elevated – mountains would be convenient.
 
Describe yourself in three words:
Unserious
Creative
Infectious
 
What is your specialty drink?
Gin and tonic
 
Which of your songs would you serenade a girl with?
Laura in a slowed down remix, like an acoustic version
 
Who is your celebrity doppelganger? 
Shemar Moore, the black dude from Criminal Minds
 
Describe your perfect Georgetown girl:
Intelligent, doesn’t take herself too seriously, maybe owns a bag that I haven’t seen before
 
What has your favorite concert venue been so far where you have performed?
I liked Gaston Hall because no rapper has ever performed before and presidents have spoken before. It’s pretty awesome that I’m up there cursing.

Boxers or briefs? 
Depending on the situation. I’m a Boxer/brief hybrid because I like that support. Nobody likes wedgies either…
 
What makes you different than other guys at Georgetown?
I’m famous betch!
 
What are three songs on your hookup playlist?

• Bump and Grind by R-Kelly
• You Are the Music in me from High School Musical
• Pump up the Jam from Space Jam 

Describe your ideal date:
I’m a sucker for picnics, it’s super cheesy.
 
What is sexier? Lollipop or ice cream in a cone?
         Lollipop because it lingers and there’s a lasting effect.
 
Give us your best Cosmo sex tip:
Leave yourself room for exploration – mentally and physically

What is your biggest turn on?
I’m a huge lip licker and hair twirling is also up there.
 
If your sex life were a movie, what would the title be?
Around the World in Eighty Days

Who is your celebrity crush?
Lana del Ray
 
What are you upcoming gigs?

• GW Show in Late March
• James Madison show
• Fashion Show on March 24th 

Who is your Georgetown crush? 
Jody Cumberpatch
 

Everyone thinks parties are the go-to spot for meeting guys at college, but you don’t have to attend every frat party to find the man of your dreams (and it’s unclear if it would lead to that, anyway!).
 
When you first arrive on campus, it seems so easy to meet a future man. They’re everywhere. And cute. But before you can set up Sunday lunch dates, first you have to talk to him.
 
Last year you scoped out the usual campus guy-hunting spots: the dorm, the library, in classes. You found a few cuties, but nothing to write home about. Plus, after a while, you start to see the same guys in the library or at breakfast in the dining hall each week, and then you wonder where all the cute, single guys you could have sworn existed on your campus went.
 
Looking for some new boys to meet to start the fall semester on the right track? Here are five often-overlooked places to meet guys on campus, and some tips to initiate conversation.
 
Instead of: The Dorm Lounge
Try: The Laundry Room

 
Sure you’ve seen him walking through the dorm halls every day, but he’s always with his group of rowdy bros – not the best time and place for a flirty introduction.
 
The laundry room is perfect for finally getting to talk to him. It’s usually pretty empty, with a few people coming in to switch their laundry, and you know you’ll be back there a few times over the next two hours.  Plus, there’s often dead waiting time while you wait for a machine to finish.
 
Find an empty washer or dryer within earshot so that it’s easy to start a convo. If there’s no machine next to him, pick one across from him, you’ll be able to catch his eye as you throw your laundry in the washer.
 
Try “forgetting” your laundry detergent or dryer sheets and ask to borrow his. Tell him you’ll owe him detergent next time and that you’ll be doing laundry on Sunday if he wants to take you up on the offer. There’s no commitment, but if he walks in the laundry room that day, you’ll know he’s interested.  And it never hurts to do laundry.

Instead of: The Dining Hall
Try: The Local Coffee Shop

The dining hall is always a supposed hot spot for meeting boys. Generally where there’s food, there are guys. But, the dining hall tends to get crowded, and that kills any chance of catching someone’s eye, or finding a quiet space to talk.
 
A better option is to head to a local café or coffee shop. It will be much quieter, and is sure to be serving a few college cuties from your campus.
 
Before you order, ask the guy next to you in line, or at the table nearby what he recommends getting. Even if you’ve been there before and have a menu favorite, tell him you’re trying to switch it up, and ask what he orders. He’ll be more than happy to give you advice.
 
Or, if you’re already seated at a table, catch the eye of the guy walking in. If he feels you seem friendly and outgoing, he may even ask to join you after he’s gotten his order. Guys aren’t likely to join anyone they feel intimidated by, so you want to seem approachable. A smile usually does the trick.

Instead of: Parties
Try: Other Social Events and Activities:

Parties can be loud and sloppy.  But sporting events, concerts, and fundraisers are great social places to meet guys where it’s a little saner. You’ll already have something in common – an interest in a certain type of music, passion for a cause, or school spirit.
 
For the sporty boy type, hit up a club or intramural sports event, or cheer on your school at a game.
 
As Kristen Whaley from Miami University of Ohio says, “You already obviously (to him anyway) have something in common if you are going to watch sports, and it’s easy to start a conversation about the upcoming game.”
 
Ask him how many games he’s been to so far that season, or what other teams he watches at school.
 
Crystal Greene from Johnson State College met her boyfriend at a snowboarding fundraiser for breast cancer.
 
“It showed his concern for others, and I saw his amazing snowboarding skills!” Greene said.
 
If you’re looking for the cute musician type, take Mariel Loveland’s advice.
 
“Hot guys always hang out in the music building!” Mariel from SUNY Purchase College said.

Instead of: The Gym
Try: The Campus Courtyard or Lawn

Of course the gym comes to mind when you’re looking for a place to meet guys—what better place to meet them than where they’re sweating and showing off their delicious muscles?
 
The tough thing about the gym, though, is that almost everyone works out with while listening to music, and those little ear buds block out any hope of a flirtatious convo.
 
A better option is to step outside in the fresh air and find a spot on your campus’s lawn, or the steps of a building. The guys are more likely to have open ears, and won’t be concentrating on the last five reps of their workout routine.
 
Plus, when school starts, and there are still warm summer days, everyone (including adorable boys) will be catching up and enjoying the sunshine outside. Grab a few of your girlfriends and pick a spot on the grass, or steps, to hang out.
 
If you’d rather not wait for the boys to come to you, try bringing a Frisbee or soccer ball and ask the guys nearby if they want to join you and your friends.
 
Bring a deck of cards as back up in case they’re not up for a soccer game—just make sure you don’t agree to a game of strip poker in public.

Instead of: Class
Try: Student Groups and Clubs

As is the case with meeting guys at a social event, when meeting guys in student clubs or groups, you already know you have a similar interest.
 
Become part of a group you’re interested in or passionate about on campus and there are bound to be guys there (as long as it isn’t a women’s organization of course!).
 
Use the topic of the group to start a conversation with the boy you’ve got your eye on.
It worked for Sally Kwok, a collegiette at the University of Pennsylvania.
 
“When I walked into a debate team meeting the first month of my freshman year, I remember thinking all the guys would be totally weird, and I definitely never thought I’d walk out having just met my boyfriend of almost two years.” Sally said.  “But when Christian, the hot guy from South Africa with the cutest accent, approached me and introduced himself, we got to talking, and it turns out we had a bunch of mutual friends from all over the world from our debate competitions in high school. I was just doing something that I love, and lucky for me, I also happened to find someone I love in the process.”
 
Meghan Demaria from the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill met her boyfriend through a Service Learning Program during the first week of school freshman year.
 
To get to know each other better, outside of the group meetings, offer to meet for a cup of coffer afterwards, or ask if he wants to grab something to eat before the next meeting.
 
You may not always end up with a boyfriend, like Sally and Meghan, but if you initiate that first conversation, who knows where things could lead!
 
 
Sources:
Meghan Demaria, University of North Carolina Chapel Hill
Sally Kwok, University of Pennsylvania
Maria Loveland, SUNY Purchase College
Crystal Greene, Johnson State College
Kristen Whaley, Miami University of Ohio
Emily Dossin, Syracuse University

Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.

I met this guy at a bar about a month and a half ago and we really hit it off. We were both being the "babysitters" of our friends that night and ended up watching them do drunk, crazy things while we talked all night. We had so much in common and, despite the fact that he is a year younger and I just graduated, we started dating a couple of weeks later. Almost immediately after we started dating he had a family crisis that put a lot of emotional stress on him (his family friend that actually lived with his family committed suicide). A week later, he told me his feelings for me haven't changed, but he has a lot on his plate and now just isn't the right time to be in a relationship (he's also an athlete and taking summer school). I'm trying to be understanding and give him the space that he wants, but he is the first guy I've felt like this for in such a long time. Am I wasting my time to hope that after a few weeks he'll come around and want to start things up again, or should I just be moving on?–Muddled at Middlebury

Muddled,

Simply stated, if you feel strongly for him, you just need to be there for him in whatever manner he needs––friend, girlfriend, whatever. Losing a family friend is hard, and the trauma such an event likely caused is immeasurable.

He, like most people after a death in the family, might go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). During this period of grief––most likely during anger and depression––it may appear as though his feelings for you have changed. He may seem closed off and stop communicating with certain people for a while. If he wants to take a break, don’t take it personally.

If you feel as strongly for the guy as you say you do, you should stand by him as a friend until he’s ready to start dating again. Moreover, if the two of you are as compatible as you say, I wouldn’t expect his actual feelings for you to change. Even then, it’s totally normal for him to take a second look at his priorities right now: He’s in school, he’s an athlete, and he just had a family friend pass away. Let’s be honest, he really does have a lot on his plate right now, and it’s totally normal for him to want to deal with these things in his life before he gets knee-deep into a serious relationship with someone that may have to be long-distance because you graduated.

It might take a few weeks, or it might take a couple of months, or it might take even longer. The grieving process doesn’t have a set length of time, but it’s possible that school and sports might help take the edge off until he’s able to move on. None of this is your fault, of course, but I’d suggest you simply be there for him. Let him know that if he needs you and if he wants to be in the relationship again, you’re there.

As another school year begins, it's a great time to look for a new guy. Whether you're a freshman or a senior, love is always in the air in the first few months back to school. If you're not sure how to score a campus cutie, one of our favorite on-screen collegiettes, Elle Woods, has some helfpul (?) tips! 

1. Tell yourself that you can get any guy you want. 

2. On your first day of class, make sure to dress cute. You never know who you might be sitting next to you in Substantive Criminal Law. 

3. It doesn't hurt to be well-read.

4. If there aren't any cute guys in your classes, you can always scope out hotties at the gym.

5. If you've got it, flaunt it.

6. Utilize your primo Facebook stalking skills, but keep the intel to yourself.

7. Figure out casual ways to run into your crush.

8. Know the best places to go husband hunting.

10. But if you do happen to have a random hook-up, don't freak out (in public, anyway) if he doesn't call you like he promised. 

11. No matter what, stay positive.

12. Don't go after too many guys, or you'll be overwhelmed when you have to choose among them.

13. If you want to get a guy's attention, be sure to have a pen handy. 

14. And if all else fails, remember: it's not your fault.

Say so long to your high school guys, and HEL-LOOO to college boys. As a freshman girl, eligible cuties seems to be everywhere – and guess what? They’re all looking at you. The attention can be fun, but when it comes down to it, the dating game in college is one that you’ll learn a lot about as time goes on – you might not be a pro right off the bat. To get started, Her Campus has put together a list of the DOs and DON’Ts of college dating. Who, you ask, knew there was such a science behind college guys, anyway? Aren’t they just a bunch of sex-hungry dudes? Well, maybe, but there might be a little bit more to it. Here are the guidelines of how to deal with the ones who are, and the ones who aren’t. Read ‘em and weep, girls.

DO make friends with the guys on your floor. These guys will be super fun to hang out with once they get to know each other well, and you’ll be the cool girl who can get in on that action when you need a break from girl drama. On top of it, you might really connect with one of them.

DON’T rush into anything, though. Hooking up with one or two of your hallmates within the first few days of school, however, is a definite no-no. When tempted to engage in “dormcest,” remind yourself that you’re going to have to face him – as well as everyone else on your floor, because they’re going to find out – for the rest of the year, no matter how good or bad your hook-up was.

DON’T write anybody off too soon. Just because he’s sitting alone and doesn’t speak to anyone in the class doesn’t mean he’s a total lunatic. If you’re interested, all it takes is a slow pack-up-and-hang-back after class to initiate conversation.

DO go out to meet people. Find out where the hot spots are each night of the week(end), and make sure to show up every once in a while. As a new student, you’ll get a feel for student life and get exposed to every kind of guy – frat boys, athletes, pre-meds, business students, and artsy guys, too.

DON’T stay in talking to your high school boyfriend every night. If you’ve broken up, there was a reason, and now is the time to move on. Your freshman year is meant for new beginnings, not dwelling on old relationships. Phone calls between Texas and Massachusetts won’t bring you back together – it’ll only keep you from meeting new people that are just beyond your dorm room door.

DO start off slowly if you’re not used to dating or just got out of a relationship. Study hall or dining hall dates count, too! As casual as these settings are, it can be a great place to get to know a guy or meet someone new. Take it easy if you’re just getting your feet wet with the whole dating game, and don’t feel a need to rush into anything intense.

DON’T go out every single night. A little mystery never hurt anyone… and it’ll do wonders for your grades, too. A mother’s wisest words – if guys see you going out night after night, how will they ever get to miss you? Show face as often as you can without being that girl that everyone expects to run into.

DO look around your classes for guys. If they’re showing up for class at all, then you know they’ve at least got something going for them. And hey, maybe he’s even smart and organized enough for you to make him your “study buddy.” Study dates are pretty much the best dates most college girls can hope for within the first month or so of school (news flash: college guys are usually cheap).

DON’T make him think you’re interested if you’re not just because you don’t want the perks to go away. It’s not fair to the guy if you’re just not that into him, but you keep him around because he’s, like, obsessed with you. The puppy dog thing will get old after a while, leaving him feeling stupid/angry and you feeling unfulfilled, annoyed and guilty – not to mention that other guys you might actually become interested in will get the wrong idea.

DO engage in a random hook-up (safely), if you want to. They’re part of the college lifestyle, and you can choose if you want to engage in them or not (certainly, you can avoid making out with the guy you’ve been dancing with all night if you’re just not that into it). It’s up to you to decide if that’s your style, but know that it happens and it doesn’t have to be scandalous or “slutty” – but just, in fact, kind of fun. As long as you’re not going crazy by swapping saliva with every guy you lay eyes on, random hook-ups can be fun and can lead to date parties, formals, and maybe even a real date! If nothing else, at least you can get an exciting night or two out of them—just make sure to stay safe and keep your friends posted on your whereabouts.

DON’T count on them turning into anything serious. Most of the time, dance-floor make-outs (DFMO’s) start and finish on the dance floor and only go as far as a phone number swap. Take these experiences for what they are, and don’t think he’s fallen in love with you simply because he’s been attached to your mouth all night.

DO accept invitations/initiations from older guys. Attention from upperclassmen is surely a plus in any freshman’s book, because they’re seasoned. They know what’s up in this whole college world, and it can be quite nice to have a hot, older guy show you the ropes – he’ll let you know what parties are happening, bring you to date parties, introduce you to his friends, and be a pretty face to show up in your tagged pictures on Facebook. That said, don’t feel the need to hook up with him purely because he’s “older and wiser…” because he may just turn out to be pretty stupid.

DON’T feel pressured to have sex. No, we can’t be certain that what all guys are looking for is sex, but that’s definitely a part of college hook-ups. He might want it and he might even ask for it, but if you’re uncomfortable, it’s not up to you to give it to him. Know your boundaries and ask him – whether you know him well or not – to respect your boundaries; if he doesn’t, walk away.

DO avoid those guys that hook up with your entire group of friends. There are always the guys that have no qualms about coming in between a group of girl friends just to get some action. He has no problem with hooking up with each one of your friends by jumping from one to the next. He might have no idea that what he’s doing is hurting your relationships with your friends, but it’s up to you guys to stop him by cutting him out of the equation.

DON’T get too attached to said upperclassmen. He’s graduating sooner than you are, and he knows it. Upperclassmen usually aren’t in it for the long haul when they seek out a freshman girl that they’d like to hook up with. Just because he’s lent you a bunch of attention one night, don’t assume that he’ll be chasing after you for the rest of the semester.

DO be open to going on dates with anyone. That is, of course, presuming that dates aren’t obsolete anymore. While a lot of guys don’t even have the courtesy to take a girl out for dinner – or even coffee?! – there are some who like to kick it old school and go for the dinner and a movie. If you’re looking for companionship of any kind, there’s no reason to refuse a casual invitation to lunch or dinner.

DON’T expect him to take you out to fancy meals all the time. But at the same time, know that college culture is changing, and going out on the “dates” we see happening in movies or the ones we hear about from our parents simply doesn’t happen anymore, for the most part. These guys are most likely on a budget, so fancy dinner dates aren’t always an option. There’s nothing wrong with a nice fro-yo in the quad, though!

DON’T count on finding a boyfriend right away. Keep in mind that as many hotties as you see on a regular basis, most of them aren’t right for you. It’s about finding the right one that’s interested in having the same type of relationship that you are, no matter what type that may be. Also, be wary of becoming BF-GF with someone on Day 1 of orientation. Do some exploring before you settle on one guy to get hot and heavy with right away.

DO start a relationship if you find someone special. Maybe you’ll find him on day one of classes, or maybe it’ll take until senior year for you to realize that the guy you’ve been friends with all along suddenly seems like he’s ready to take the plunge with you. But if it feels right, don’t hold back, and find a way to make it work.

DO know that people move on quickly in college. Hook-ups last for any length of time – you can be attached to one particular guy for several months, or only for a matter of days and it can still be considered “hooking up.” Go figure. At any rate, don’t be surprised if a guy has eyes for you on Thursday and then you spot him spitting game to another girl on Saturday. Don’t get jealous or crazy and be that girl who slaps him in the middle of the party. Instead, try to figure out what he’s interested in before you hook up with him, so you know what to expect from him after the fact.

DON’T hold back if you want something more out of a hook-up. If you silence yourself, you’ll only end up unhappy and wasting your time. He may not be taking your relationship as seriously as you wished he would if it started out as a random hook-up. If your feelings intensify and you want to take it to the next level, let him know and don’t make him guess. If you’re afraid of scaring him off, leave your feelings on the table and the situation open-ended. This is his relationship too, and you don’t wish to monopolize it, so ask him what it is that he wants out of it. Chances are that otherwise he won’t just guess that you want to be treated to romantic dinners and you’ll just end up getting frustrated and angry.

DO try to meet guys without a gaggle of girls surrounding you. While girls’ night out is always one of the best nights of the week, do try to distance yourself from your pack of besties for a little bit each night. No guy wants to approach you if your six best friends are by your side eyeing him with those girly judgmental glares.

DON’T get left places alone or go home with a guy you don’t know…and having made out with him all night doesn’t make him any more familiar. If you do manage to separate from your girlfriends for a few minutes, keep in touch with them to make sure they’re not leaving the club/bar/party without you. It’s risky to leave with a guy you’ve just met – especially if one of his friends who “didn’t drink tonight” is driving – even if he seems genuine. Exchange numbers instead, and stay with your girlfriends.

College will open doors for you in the way of the dating scene, but it always helps to take things slowly and be wary. Stay grounded and always question people’s intentions, while making sure that your own are as clear as crystal. Your future boyfriend is out there somewhere, whether he’s sitting next to you in class or isn’t even enrolled at your school. And you’ll find him, too... you just may have to kiss a few frogs first and have a lot of single and mingling fun.