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Articles on this Page
- 09/04/17--19:00: _How to Make the Rel...
- 09/05/17--11:00: _Is It Normal To Hav...
- 09/06/17--19:00: _Here’s How You Shou...
- 09/11/17--11:00: _Here’s What Kind of...
- 09/11/17--19:00: _5 Texting Behaviors...
- 09/12/17--11:00: _5 Ways Social Media...
- 09/12/17--18:00: _17 Reasons Why Havi...
- 09/13/17--11:00: _The Ultimate Sex Pl...
- 09/18/17--19:00: _What College Women ...
- 09/25/17--11:00: _5 Ways to Make Your...
- 09/25/17--19:00: _5 Ways You Approach...
- 09/26/17--11:00: _How To Actively Sta...
- 09/26/17--16:40: _3 Ways I Handle Dat...
- 09/27/17--19:00: _ 5 Ways to Deal Wit...
- 09/28/17--11:00: _What To Do Once the...
- 09/29/17--11:00: _How You'll Lose You...
- 10/03/17--11:00: _What to Do When You...
- 10/03/17--19:00: _4 Ways To Know If Y...
- 10/03/17--21:00: _15 Things Only Girl...
- 10/04/17--11:00: _So THIS Is Why Guys...
- 10/04/17--19:00: _7 Things the Overac...
- 10/08/17--11:00: _Should You Be Best ...
- 10/09/17--11:00: _7 Signs You’re in Love
- 10/10/17--11:00: _8 Date Ideas For Ev...
- 10/10/17--18:00: _Quiz: What Should Y...
- 09/05/17--11:00: Is It Normal To Have Crushes While You're In A Serious Relationship?
- Tell him what he did wrong
- Tell him how it made you feel
- Tell him what to do to fix it
- 09/11/17--11:00: Here’s What Kind of Girlfriend You Are, Based on Your Zodiac Sign
- 09/11/17--19:00: 5 Texting Behaviors That Mean They’re Interested
- 09/12/17--11:00: 5 Ways Social Media is Hurting Your Relationship
- 09/12/17--18:00: 17 Reasons Why Having a Crush Is Absolute Torture
- 09/13/17--11:00: The Ultimate Sex Playlist for All Your Hookup Needs
- 09/18/17--19:00: What College Women Think of Being Called 'Baby'& Other Pet Names
- 09/25/17--11:00: 5 Ways to Make Your Relationship Work When You’re Both Busy
- 09/26/17--11:00: How To Actively Start Dating, When You've Never Dated Before
- 09/26/17--16:40: 3 Ways I Handle Dating With an Invisible Disability
- 09/27/17--19:00: 5 Ways to Deal With Jealousy About Others’ Relationships
If you’re hating on another couple because they seem to spend a lot of time with each other, try spending more time with your SO. However, don’t chill with your SO just for the sake of hanging out with them—make that time meaningful so it doesn’t seem like an assignment.
If you’re jealous that other couples know more about their respective SO, try learning more about your other half. Just don’t interrogate them. Whether it’s a game of “Never Have I Ever” or a goofy questionnaire that you found online, make sure you both are having fun learning about each other. You wouldn’t want it to feel like those awkward ice-breaker exercises during syllabus week.
If you’re worried that you aren’t making your partner happy, talk to your SO. Seriously, don’t fill yourself with pseudo-doubt when you can have a conversation with your babe. It’ll be less stressful than your performance review at work, we promise.
If Sharon and Bree got matching tattoos, but you don’t want matching tattoos, then try to find something you and your SO can share together. Perhaps you could start off with some matching temporary tattoos or some couple bathrobes.
If your fav Insta-couple just went on a cruise together, but you and bae are broke AF (plus cruises are boring), do something different (but affordable) from your usual routine. Take a day trip to a state park or watch a steamy movie— you know, something low-key.
- 09/28/17--11:00: What To Do Once the Honeymoon Stage is Over
- 09/29/17--11:00: How You'll Lose Your Virginity, Based on Your Zodiac Sign
- 10/03/17--19:00: 4 Ways To Know If You Should Be More Than Friends With Benefits
- 10/03/17--21:00: 15 Things Only Girls That Are Clingy But Chill Understand
- 10/04/17--11:00: So THIS Is Why Guys Send Dick Pics
- 10/04/17--19:00: 7 Things the Overachiever in a Relationship Wishes You Understood
- 10/08/17--11:00: Should You Be Best Friends With Your SO?
- 10/09/17--11:00: 7 Signs You’re in Love
- 10/10/17--11:00: 8 Date Ideas For Every Type of Campus Couple
- 10/10/17--18:00: Quiz: What Should You & Your SO Be for Halloween?
It’s common knowledge that having shared interests and values is crucial in any relationship, but what happens when nighttime rolls around and one of you can’t wait to go out and hit the town, while the other is already in their PJs ready for a Netflix marathon? College campuses typically have a large party scene, but that doesn’t mean every college student wants to go to fraternity parties or drink until the early hours every weekend. If you find yourself in a relationship where you or your SO likes going out more than the other person does, don’t be discouraged! There are many ways to make the relationship successful and focus on what really matters: the quality time you spend together and what you love about each other.
We talked to current college women, as well as Rhonda Ricardo, relationship expert and author of Cherries Over Quicksand for advice on this potentially tricky situation. Here’s what you’ll need to know:
Learn to compromise
Most people would say compromising with your partner is an essential part of maintaining a relationship. Doing a little of what the other person likes can go a long way in making them happy, even if it’s outside your comfort zone.
“If one person does not want to go out it’s alright to stay home sometimes but memories are built on adventures,” Ricardo says. “Maybe the couple should find something like rock climbing, volleyball, the gym or go on a local train excursion to get out and have fun together after a long week of responsibilities and deadlines.”
Even if you both decide on an activity together, you can always compromise by doing lunch with one another then having separate night plans.
Accept your SO for who they are and don’t try to change them
Don’t pressure the homebody in the relationship to go out, in the same respect the person going out shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for leaving the other alone. “My boyfriend LOVES going out with his friends and I’m more of a stay at-home-and-watch Harry Potter kind of girl,” says Kayleen Parra-Padron, a senior at Florida International University. “I’m only human; of course I get jealous but I won’t stop him from going out just because I’m a home body, it’s not fair.”
Even if you two don’t share the same idea of a perfect weekend night, you should always focus on what you love or value in your partner by giving verbal compliments such as, “I love how much you prioritize your education” or “You’re always able to make everyone in the room feel comfortable.” Accepting them for who they are and what they love is key.
Build, maintain and practice trust
Trust is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Both partners should feel comfortable with the other going out without them there, knowing there will be no flirting or infidelity.
“When there is (earned) unshakeable trust present, a valuable carefree spark is added to the relationship,” Ricardo says. “This couple will most likely have a great time with their friends while apart but will also miss each other and look forward to spoiling each other when they reunite! Time apart is healthy, keeps the relationship spicy and fun.”
If you’re the one staying home, don’t assume if your SO doesn’t respond to a text for ten minutes it’s because they’re hitting the dance floor with a hot single. And if you’re the one going out, don’t abuse that trust by acting single just because your SO is not physically there.
Related Link: 5 Signs He Loves You (Even if He’s Not Saying It)
“It sounds formal, but my boyfriend and I had to sit down and have an honest conversation about what we both need to be happy,” says Dartmouth sophomore Rachel. “He agreed to not post multiple snap stories with single girls, because it always made me a little worried and I promised to not get upset if he takes a while to respond to a text.” Have an honest discussion with your SO about what you’d like the next time one of you goes out solo. For example, how much you’d like to text, letting the other know when you have gotten home safely and what behavior or social media postings you both can agree are appropriate.
Focus on your similarities
Although your idea of a perfect Friday night may be different, it’s important to remember what made you decide to become a couple in the first place. Make spending time doing what you both love to do a priority by working out together, watching a sports game or trying a new restaurant near campus the next time you both are free.
If you're the person who loves going out...
If you’re the person in the relationship who loves to socialize and get wild, there are ways to make sure your partner does not feel left behind. “When the party person comes home they could bring back food, flowers or better…a fun story, as to share their adventure,” says Ricardo. “Also, significant others get extra points for letting him or her know that everyone at the party said hello! This helps make it clear there are never any secret agendas when out with friends.”
If your partner does decide to join you one night, Ricardo suggests “holding their hand, touching their shoulder or offering to bring them a drink at times during the night. If the extrovert completely disappeared and leaves the introvert alone for disrespectful amounts of time the introvert will not want to attend parties with him or her and might see the lack of attention as uncaring or worse, an insult.”
Let your SO know they are always invited to go out with you. If there are certain events throughout the year that you really don’t want them to miss, such as a semi-formal or friend’s birthday party, make sure you communicate that so you are not left feeling resentful that they are present.
If you'd rather stay in...
If you’re one who’d rather order take-out, watch a movie, attend a club meeting or just lay in bed when nighttime roles around, there are steps to make life easier for you as well. “After a busy week, I’d be so excited for a calm night in to myself,” explains Laura, a senior at Virginia Tech. “But then I would find myself checking Snapchat every five minutes to see what my boyfriend and friends were doing while out. I’ve finally learned to put my phone down and realized by staying in once I’m not going to miss the most fun night ever.” Make your decision and stick to it without any regret. Find something to do other than constantly checking your phone, such as reading a chapter in a textbook, cleaning up your room or a DIY pampering night.
If you find yourself constantly worried about what your partner is up to when you’re not around, Ricardo suggests taking a look inward. “Accusations of cheating behaviors that are not true, not fair and foolishly destructive to the relationship are HUGE red flags. Hopefully the false-accuser cleans up their actions and realize they could lose a great person in their life if they don’t raise their own standards for cherishing their relationship before it is too late.” Don’t accuse your SO of unfaithful behavior if you have no real evidence, but also trust your own intuition if something feels off in your partner’s behavior.
So maybe your SO wants to hit the bars on Thursday night, but you’d rather get a head start on a big project due Monday. Or you can’t wait for the weekend to roll around for your sorority mixer and your SO just wants to have a Netflix marathon for two days straight. There’s no reason a relationship can’t last with these differences if both people appreciate who their partner is and are willing to compromise a bit.
Let’s start with the obvious—relationships aren’t easy. Once you find someone you really like, it feels amazing to give your all to them. But what happens when you catch yourself checking out that hottie in line at the supermarket? What about old feelings resurfacing for an ex hook-up? We all have crushes, but what’s okay and what isn’t when it comes to relationships? We’ve talked to collegiettes with experience to give you the low down on whether it’s normal to have crushes while you’re in a serious relationship.
In short: Yes!
It’s totally normal to have crushes while in a relationship. Just because you’re devoted to someone doesn’t mean you aren’t going to find other people attractive or charismatic. As long as you’re fully committed to your SO, there shouldn’t be a problem. Ariana Annuziato, a junior at Drexel University, has been in two serious relationships, which lasted nearly two years each. “While I was in these relationships, I definitely found myself crushing on people who were not my SO at the time,” she says. “Generally, these crushes are harmless and natural. I think it’s only human nature to be flattered by a little extra attention, especially when you usually only receive it from one person over a long period of time. It’s nice to know that you still have game.” While crushing on someone is okay, you definitely don’t want to take it farther than that. Read on for what you should ask yourself when these crushes come up.
Is it someone you already had a crush on?
If you’ve had a long-time crush on someone and know nothing would ever happen, you shouldn’t be worried. But if you’re in a serious relationship and find yourself wanting other people in your life, that may be a red flag. “I think that in some way we will all have a crush on someone else while in a relationship and probably that crush is for someone that we knew about before being in the relationship,” says Yarilix Santos, a senior at Albizu University. “A crush for me is someone that in some way or another wasn’t meant to be with you or nothing happened,” she says. “But if you while in a relationship develop a crush or more, then it’s time to think if you are really into your SO.” She’s totally right! If you’re crushing on someone you know you’d never be with, like a “friend crush” or someone you wouldn’t actually speak to, what’s the harm? Issues start to come up if you’re imagining yourself being with someone else.
Are you pursuing this person?
If you find yourself flirting with your crush and trying to spend time with them, it’s probably a bad sign. Your SO should be the person you want to be with and have there to support you. If you find yourself trying to befriend your crush, you could be entering dangerous territory. “If you are crushing on the cutie in your English class it’s no big deal so long as you only make googly eyes and then never see him/her again once the semester is over,” Ariana says. “But if you strike up a friendship with the person, you can expect there to be trouble in paradise when your SO catches on.” Ashley Ortiz, a sophomore at the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras, agrees. “In my experience, I've had platonic crushes while in a relationship but I've never done anything since I knew they were nothing serious,” she says. “I think it's okay to eye the menu, but ‘don't order a steak, chicken or salmon if you've already ordered a filet mignon.’ That's what I always tell myself and my friends.” As long as you keep your crushing to your imagination, you shouldn’t run into trouble. If you find yourself pursuing the person, it may be time to rethink the relationship you’re in.
Are you on the same page as your SO?
The most important part of relationships is communication. If you’ve talked to your SO about having crushes and both acknowledge that it’s completely natural, you’ll feel a lot better and things will go smoothly. “My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years and agree it’s perfectly fine to have crushes,” says Amy*, a senior at Emerson College. “We're both completely monogamous, and we have no interest in pursuing relationships outside ours. I think it all depends on what you identify as a crush. If I think someone's attractive, physically and emotionally, I consider that a little crush—and I think they are harmless and even healthy.” Once you’re on the same page as your SO, you won’t worry when you find yourself staring at someone on the streets. If you want to bring this up casually without freaking out your SO, you could say something like, “Who’s your celebrity crush?” When they tell you, tell them yours and say something like, “Isn’t it great we can have silly crushes and still be devoted to each other?” This will allow you to see how they feel about it and get things off your chest.
While relationships should focus on the two people in them, having crushes is inevitable. As long as you’re devoted to your SO and aren’t actively pursuing someone else, there’s no reason to feel ashamed! Just remember to be open and let your partner know if you think it’s more than a crush—that’s when dangerous territory can come up. Happy crushing, collegiettes!
*Name has been changed
Long distance relationships are really difficult and definitely aren’t for everyone. However, when you do decide to embark on that journey with your SO, it’s important to know what you’re getting into and how to do it successfully. Having productive arguments is an essential part of having a healthy relationship because it deepens the level of trust between you and your SO. Obviously you don’t want to be arguing 24/7, but just because fights are unavoidable, they don’t necessarily have to be painful.
1. Be transparent and direct in communication
Couples in long distance relationships often let small details slip through the cracks to avoid arguments, but this can ultimately lead to more unnecessary arguing and misunderstanding. Jay Hurt, author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, recommends being transparent instead. “Transparency encourages a deeper level of trust,” he says. “Communication adds clarity so go to the point of over communicating. Be crystal clear on both people’s expectations and intentions and how to move forward. Communicating in this way enhances trust in each other.”
In addition to being transparent, it is also extremely important to be direct. Dr. Ish Major, host of We TV'sMarriage Boot Camp Reality Stars, says being very clear and direct in communication is key to solving an issue.
“The direct approach is the best and most healthy way to handle an argument in a long distance or any relationship. Communication is always the big issue in relationships, in a long-distance relationship the chances for misinformation and miscommunication is magnified times ten!”
His method for working through an argument has three steps. “So in this case you have to do everything you can to cut down on the chances for any miscommunication. Do not wait, that only increases your chances for more false scenarios and hurt feelings that may or may not be warranted. Pick up the phone, dial the number, talk, don’t text, follow this protocol:
The end. You brought the situation some much needed clarity and now you can make an informed decision about staying in this relationship and moving forward.”
2. Pause and figure out the underlying issue
Sometimes it can feel like the arguments that are happening in a long distance relationship are petty and can even leave one person – or both– feeling like they don’t know why exactly they’re fighting at all. Both Hurt and Dr. Ish say that constant petty arguments often signify a deeper issue.
Dr. Ish explains, “When couples constantly argue about little things that tells me they have much bigger problems. If you’re taking every opportunity to find fault with the person you’re with that means you’re not very happy with them. Don’t confuse the issue. Take a step back and ask yourself this one important question: ‘What else could this mean?’ This question will honestly save every relationship you’ll ever have! Ask yourself, ‘Am I really this upset about him being late or rude or insensitive or the way he dresses or his wandering eye or is there a much bigger elephant in the room.’”
Hurt agrees, saying, “Petty arguments are a symptom of a deeper issue. Be considerate of the other person’s feelings and what they’re going through. What’s going on with them? Try to see through the other person’s lens to better understand the situation.”
Molly Crum, a James Madison University graduate, says “I was in a long distance relationship for two summers with my boyfriend. I recommend getting to the root of the cause of the argument. For example, are you really mad that he took an hour to text you back, or is it that you’re feeling neglected, under appreciated, need more communication, etc.”
It might be that neither of you even know why you’re actually fighting, so you might need to take a step back to examine your true feelings.
3. Don’t give up on each other
Sometimes arguments lead to ending a relationship, but they don’t always have to. You made the decision to be in a long distance relationship because you love your SO and made a commitment to them. Dr. Ish suggests the three rules of engagement when arguing.
“1. One team: Realize that you’re both on the same team and want the same thing…to make each other happy. Attack the issue, not each other
2. One topic: Only fight about one thing at a time. Couples have a tendency to bring EVERY unresolved issue from their past into every argument and nothing ever gets resolved and it’s frankly a dirty way to fight. Stay focused on the one issue and you have a much better chance of actually resolving the issue.
3. Stay in the game: This is critical for a long distance couple because it’s easy to either get off the phone or stop texting until things ‘cool off’. But when you come back, the issue is still there; unresolved. Stay in the game long enough to reach some sort of resolution where you both feel okay about moving past it or simply agreeing to disagree for the moment.”
Indiana University graduate Sarah McDaniel says, “From my experience, trying to resolve the problem as soon as it arises, and preferable not in texting form, is the best way to handle arguments. I spent a semester studying abroad and my then boyfriend (now fiancé) found that things went much smoother when we took the time to FaceTime or call to work it out, rather than having angry, passive aggressive texting conversations all day!”
Always remember why you got into the relationship in the first place. You and your partner have so much love for each other and that’s not worth throwing it all away over an argument when you’re miles away. It’s okay to miss each other and be upset about it but try to think about the next time you’ll see each other and how great that will be. Stay positive and hopeful, and consistently remind each other how much you love each other. Arguments will become much easier and your relationship will thrive!
Whether you’ve been in one relationship or ten, you’ve probably noticed a few similarities between how you treat your SO. Or maybe you haven’t been in any and you want to understand what type of girlfriend you are. Well, wait no more! Her Campus has figured out exactly what kind of girlfriend you are based on your zodiac sign.
Aries: The Spontaneous Type
If you are an Aries, it is highly likely that you are creative, adaptive and insightful. Because of this, you are probably an adventurous girlfriend. You are always ready to try new things and get creative with date nights. There is nothing that scares you in a relationship because you can easily adapt to every situation. Out of all of your friends, you are probably the one most likely to plan a spontaneous weekend getaway with your SO just to show them how much you care. To you, there is no plan that can't be changed to be made better.
Taurus: The Forever Type
As a Taurus woman, you are patient, reliable and extremely loving. Because of these traits, you make the perfect long-term girlfriend. When you are in a relationship, you put your whole heart and soul into it and it shows. When you make a promise, you always follow through. If you and your SO get into a fight, you make your point and then let it go. Erica Kent, a Taurus from New York University, says that she has been with her boyfriend for over three years and that it mainly has to do with the fact that "whenever we argue, we know how to let it go. I prove my point and then once it's done, it's done. There is no point in staying angry." There is no use holding grudges and to you, love is more important than winning.
Gemini: The Summer Love Type
Gemini women are known for being flexible, passionate and versatile. Because of this, you are the fall hard and fast kind of girlfriend. When you meet someone new, you automatically understand what you are feeling and you are not shy about it. Your passion comes through in wanting to create a life with your partner, even if you just met them. You have the ability to see the potential in everyone you meet. As well, no week is ever the same with you. Whether it’s changing up your date routine or weekend adventures, everything is constantly changing, which makes you incredibly fun to be around.
Cancer: The Always There Type
Cancer women are, more often than not, emotional, caring and imaginative. You are the kind of girlfriend that is extremely loving and supportive—no matter what. You have the ability to feel so deeply about your partner and you are always finding new ways to show your SO just how much you truly care. If your SO is having a hard day, you automatically cancel whatever plans you had to make time to help them feel better. You are the best friend and girlfriend all in one.
Leo: The Big Heart, Big Personality Type
Leo women are generous, warmhearted and confident. Leos are always the go big or go home type of girlfriend. You love to be the center of attention, but you also always make sure that your partner feels fulfilled. You are the kind of girlfriend that other couples want to go on double dates with because of your over the top personality. There is never a dull moment with you. Marina Rabinowitz, a Leo from Cornell University, says, "When Valentine's day comes around, my SO knows that I am going all out. Part of it is to show her how much I love her, but secretly I just want her to tell all her friends how great I am." Typical Leo move.
Virgo: The Rock Type
Virgo women are modest, reliable and practical. You are absolutely the stable type of girlfriend because of your love of everything practical. You always think through your words before you say them, making sure you never say anything that could hurt your partner. You almost always have a stable job and are smart in your financial choices, which makes your SO comfortable. As well, you know your worth but you would never make other people feel lesser than you.
Libra: The Role Model Type
Libra women are romantic, idealistic and peaceful. You are the kind of girlfriend that other girlfriends look up to. You are strong-willed and courageous, but you also never talk bad about anyone. Your SO loves how you stick with your ideals and values. You also know how to plan the perfect date night because you are great at understanding what your SO wants. Although you know what you want in life, you make sure to always take your partner's opinion into mind.
Scorpio: The One of a Kind Type
Scorpio women are determined, powerful and magnetic. With this, you are the kind of girlfriend that is absolutely unforgettable. Whether it’s the amazing sex, or how intense you are, your SO is magnetically attracted to you. Your personality is strong and you push others to get to know themselves better. You treat your SO like they are the most important person in the world, every single day, while still staying true to who you are. The most famous Scorpio is Blair Waldorf and it makes complete sense as to why Chuck Bass can never get enough of her. She is strong and sexy, yet always loves with her entire heart.
Sagittarius: The Bubbly Type
Sagittarius women are incredibly optimistic, honest and intellectual. You are the bubbly girlfriend who makes life better when you are around. You make everyday an adventure with your SO, but you also know when it’s time to take some time for yourself. If you and your SO are having a disagreement, you always know at the end of the day, the most important thing is how much you both love each other and that no fight can change that.
Capricorn: The Classic Type
Capricorns are idealistic, ambitious and disciplined and that makes very traditional and classic girlfriends. You know your goals in life and through that, you inspire your SO every day. You are mature and your relationship is very serious as well. You are always looking toward the future and love to plan far in advance for trips and vacations. Hannah Jakobs, a Capricorn from the University of Florida, says that every relationship she goes into she thinks about forever right away. "I don't do it to scare my partner away, but I do it to make sure I could see a future with them. If I don't, I have to really think about what makes me attracted to this person."
Aquarius: The Girl Next Door Type
Aquarius women are friendly, loyal and independent. Because of this, you are the girl next door girlfriend. You know how to have fun and always make your SO feel special. People love your outgoing personality, but they know that no matter what, you are always loyal to your partner. You may be a flirt at times, but at the end of the day, you only have one love.
Pisces: The Lover Type
Pisces women are sensitive, selfless and compassionate. You have an old soul and appreciate the classics in every situation. Because of this, you know how to love like a queen and therefore prefer the term “lover” over girlfriend. Whether it’s finding time to lay in bed and read a book with your SO or enjoying the little moments like cooking dinner together, you live life to its fullest. You are incredibly empathetic and are always putting your SO first. You know how to love and you do it right.
Whether you are a Taurus or a Virgo, there is no single sign that is a "better" girlfriend than the others. Everyone is different and therefore has different experiences that no one else can relate to. Just remember to love yourself and your partner has much as you can, and you will be the best type of girlfriend you can be, regardless of what month you were born.
Let’s be real here: texting with someone you like can sometimes feel like you’re deciphering a code. It’s easy to get hung up on their choice of words or use of emojis (or lack thereof), and even trivial things like their punctuation. As much as the buzz of your phone and the image of their name popping up on your screen makes your heart skip a beat, it also brings up a ton of anxiety—are they interested in me? What exactly do they mean here?
To ease your worries, we spoke with human behavior and relationship expert and author of Get Over Your Ex Now! Dr. Patrick Wanis on five texting behaviors that indicate interest. With these five pieces of info in mind, their texts will seem a lot less like code and more like a diagram to whether or not they're interested!
1. They want to learn more about you as a person
The initial “talking stage” that takes place before most relationships begin can be a fun, exciting time for both people to learn more about each other. The truth is, however, guys generally don’t enjoy talking too much over text while girls can be the complete opposite, says Dr. Patrick Wanis—so, if they are making that extra effort, you’ll want to take notice of it.
"Men get very frustrated when they have to text too much, so they don't enjoy texting as much as women do,” he explains. It is quite common however that this behavior changes when you first begin talking because he may be interested in pursuing something with you—therefore, if you notice that he’s attempting to make conversation and learn more about you, that it could mean good news as far as whether he is interested in you or not.
"If he's asking things to learn about you—if he's asking questions that tell him more about who you are, then he's interested in knowing you,” says Dr. Wanis.
For example, are they asking you about your hobbies or the classes you’re taking this semester? Or maybe they’ve dove in a little deeper and asked you about your family or your career aspirations. Either way, it’s important to note whether they’re putting in the effort to learn more about you as a person, not only in terms of compatibility but also for the sheer generalization that guys don’t particularly enjoy conversing over text—there must be a reason why he’s sucking it up for you!
"Guys don't like texting back and forth endlessly, so if they're doing it in the beginning [then] they're doing it with an intention, and then they're going back to what they feel more comfortable with which is texts just for the exchange of basic information such as, "Okay I'll see you at 10 o'clock," Dr. Wanis explains. So, while this type of behavior may not last forever in established relationships, the fact that he’s texting you to learn more about you now can be a major indicator of interest.
As far as the ladies go, Dr. Wanis really emphasizes the fact that girls generally enjoy texting more than guys do, so you’ll find it much easier to fall into these types of conversations with a girl!
2. They take interest in what you’re doing
Sure, it’s easy to casually send a “What’s up?” type of text, but according to Dr. Wanis, if they’re interested in you, they’re not only interested in learning about you, but they also want to know what you’re up to and when you can get together.
"Guys tend to be more direct, so if they're interested in you, they will be actually thinking of when they're going to see you,” Dr. Wanis explains. “They won't just be saying, '"Hey, what's up?"' which might be their initial way of contacting or connecting with you—they're going to go one step further and say, '"What are you doing? What are you doing now? What are you doing tomorrow? What are you doing Saturday?'"
Since guys tend to be more direct and girls tend to be more subtle, don’t be afraid to show interest in their plans! At the end of the day, everyone appreciates direct answers, and it helps to match their interest with yours if it’s there.
3. They respond in a timely manner
If Dr. Wanis teaches you one thing, it’s that you should not play games. It can be common in the initial stages of talking that both people are guilty of waiting a couple hours or maybe even days (see: ghosting) to respond. This could be for reasons such as either one of you doesn’t want to come off as eager, or like you have nothing better to do. We’ll let you in on a little secret—these are huge no-nos!
In reality, someone who is interested will respond as soon as they can and will actually want to. And if they’re busy with friends, studying or at work? They’ll let you know and provide a reasonable explanation. And in return, they’ll want to talk to someone who will respond back right away as well.
"I teach [to] never play games. Because you're starting the relationship off with deceit. Even if it's dating, that’s just deceit,” says Dr. Wanis. “So, don't play games, don't be deceitful. If you're able to respond, respond! If you're not able to respond in that moment because you're studying or busy or working, then you write back later and say, "'Hey I got your text earlier today, this is the first chance I've had to respond.’”
Yup, it’s as simple as that, really! If someone tries to respond to you in a timely matter, you can be confident that they’re interested; however, it is a two-way street!
4. They’ll look for more opportunities to see you
So, now you’ve got a groove going—you’ve been exchanging texts for a little while now, have learned more about each other and they’ve shown obvious interested in what you’re up to and what your plans are. So, what else can indicate interest?
“If he's really interested, he then asks you out on a date,” says Dr. Wanis. “He asks to get together with you. Invites you to places. He becomes more inclusive in his texts. He tells you what he's doing, he asks what you're doing, and then he asks you out on a date."
It’s important to note that not everyone moves at the same speed, so don’t be discouraged if the person you’re talking to hasn’t asked you out on a date within the first couple days—he easily could just not be ready yet!
5. They’re direct (or at least expressing interest) in what they want
Generally speaking, Dr. Wanis stresses that guys are more direct, especially with texting, while girls are more subtle. So, while it is a whole lot easier to receive a direct answer, ladies leave more delicate cues—pay attention to the small details!
"Guys tend to be very direct and they tend to be thinking more in cause and effect, and they have an objective—the girl will be more subtle,” says Dr. Wanis. “She won't come out right and say 'I want to go out with you.' She’ll express interest in a more subtle way.”
While it can be scary to answer a direct question, it’ll only work in your benefit to be straight-up with your answer. "Answer the bloody question! Answer it directly," Dr. Wanis says with a laugh. "Just be honest.” Both girls and guys will certainly appreciate the honesty!
But if their questions are anything but direct? Pay attention to how he or she is expressing interest, especially from a girl. If your text exchange turns flirty, then maybe toss out a feeler or two to see how she responds. Compliments are a major sign of interest, but make sure that she’s not just being friendly!
Dr. Wanis also notes that some people are emoji people and others are not. “I think, generally speaking, women use them much more than men do,” he says. So while emoji use does definitely depend on the person, they could be key in figuring out whether or not she’s interested. Plus, there’s no defined rule out there that says only guys can be direct. If you’re a girl talking to another girl, for example, and feel like you’re in a subtle-texting stalemate, it may be in your best interest to ask her if she likes you, especially if you’re unsure whether or not she is interested in dating girls.
Talking to someone you’re crushing on can be quite nerve-wracking at times, especially if you want to pursue a relationship. Texting should be a fun and light way to getting to know each other, but with these little tips in mind, you can feel more confident about whether someone is expressing genuine interest in you or not. And if that’s not enough to convince you, I’ll leave you with this:
"Remember this—when a guy really wants something, he will tear down the wall,” says Dr. Wanis. “He will climb the mountain. He will cross the river. He'll walk through the fire to get it. And that includes you. If the guys not interested he'll make no effort, and he'll come up with lots of excuses. But when he's really interested, he will make every effort. And nothing will stop him."
While Dr. Wanis let us in on what guys are thinking, we think this can be applied to all genders—so just be confident and have fun!
Social media has made its mark on our generation. “Tweet” and “selfie” are officially part of the English dictionary and scrolling through your Instagram feed like it’s the morning newspaper is a part of our daily routine. This level of influence has changed the way we view certain topics, including relationships. Although you didn’t sign up for your relationship and social media to intertwine at some point, it will. No matter your level of involvement on social media, there is a dark side to all the positives that come from the good that social media can bring. Below are five different ways that social media is hurting your relationship.
1. You create unrealistic relationship standards
We’ve all seen the posts of girls being gifted hundreds of dollars in makeup or traveling around the world at the drop of a dime with their SO, along with the hashtag #relationshipgoals. While that may be how their SO expresses appreciation for them, there are different ways that are just as romantic in which your SO can express their appreciation for you.
One of the most harmful things you can do in your relationship is to compare yourself to another couple. People only show the most perfect version of themselves for social media.
Alaina Leary, a grad student at Emerson College, personally knows that it’s unfair to compare your relationship to picture-perfect versions of others’ relationships. “Sometimes, when I see a slew of people in my age range getting engaged or married, I start to wonder, ‘Why aren't we engaged? Why haven't I proposed?’ And that reaction sets unfair standards. We're not there 24/7, and we don't know the details of these relationships. We can only judge ourselves.” So even though that couple on Instagram seems so perfectly in love, you don’t see their arguments or bad days. In reality, that relationship you idolize may be battling their own set of problems.
Similarly, Amar Salihic, a junior at Georgia State University, thinks that his relationship, and all relationships in general, shouldn’t structure their bond off of what they see online. “The social media checklist is not the standard you should be setting,” he says. “For example, one of the social media expectations is that you should have all of your SO’s time and attention. You both should value other people and things outside of your relationship. Give each other a healthy amount of time and space to miss the other.”
So while a cute “#relationshipgoals” post may be okay to like, don’t read too much into it or try to be like them. You and your SO are two completely different people and are allowed to love each other in ways that you both see fit.
2. Your SO keeps you a secret online
Whether you like it or not, we’re part of a generation that is attached to social media. Since middle school, things aren’t considered official until it’s Facebook official or more commonly now, it’s not official until a couple photo is posted on Instagram for the world to see. For every girl who’s being shown off as the world’s greatest gift by her SO on social media, there is a girl who has wondered at least once why her SO doesn’t show her off the same way. This leaves a big question: Are you justified in expecting your SO to show you off on social media?
While you shouldn’t expect to wake up to a #WCE post every morning, Dr. Patrick Wanis, a behavior and relationship specialist, thinks it’s a definite warning sign if you can’t find a trace of yourself on your SO’s page.
“The only exception to that would be if that person is extremely private and doesn’t post anything about any of their other relationship, specifically their relationship with friends,” he says. “If your SO never mentions you, nor post photos of you or with you, then what it says is that that person doesn’t want the world to know about the relationship. So they’re either hiding the relationship and are embarrassed by it, hiding multiple relationships, or they want the world to know that they’re single and available.”
If your SO is active on social media, they have signed up for people to know their business. You should be a large part of their lives, therefore it should in some way be known that your SO is in a relationship if you two have agreed to be serious.
3. You’re consumed with constantly updating your relationship
On the other hand, we all know the couples that post something about each other every second. Not every aspect of your relationship should be posted online. Your relationship requires a bit of privacy. The world shouldn’t know every time things are rocky between you two.
“Social media is not your therapist,” Wanis adds. “Why do you need to tell about every detail? That type of behavior leads to narcissism, egocentricity and basic selfishness … you have to look for the balance. If you’re posting all day long, when do you have time to the relationship?”
Sharing too much, too often, leaves your business as fair game for the public to ask questions and be nosy. “I believe there is such a thing as over-sharing,” Salihic also says. “It adds too much value to social media, it puts people in your business, and it can create a sense of false validation.”
So instead of looking for the perfect filter to compliment the hundredth photo of you and your partner kissing, pick up the phone and talk to them. Remind them why they still have all of your love and affection hundreds of photos later.
4. You or your SO keep each other’s social media page under surveillance
It’s completely normal to check on your SO’s page every once in a while. However, if it’s been two hours and you’re refreshing the following tab on Instagram to see if your SO liked anybody else’s photos, you should consider a career with the FBI or simply realize how problematic that behavior is.
If you are expecting to catch your SO liking or commenting or another person’s pictures, then that clearly exemplifies the lack of trust in the relationship.
A like here and there on his friend’s pictures shouldn’t be a problem. Your SO is entitled to have friends of whatever gender, just as you should be entitled the same. However, if they are leaving questionable comments on someone’s profile that would make people think that they are not in a relationship, there is a problem.
“If you are jealous and see real signs of infidelity, abusive behavior, serious jealousy, or anything that sets off alarms about your SO, don't downplay it just because it's ‘only social media,’" Alaina says. “If your SO is doing something online that makes you really uncomfortable, you need to have a conversation about it and work on a compromise.”
Creeping on social media won’t address the underlying issue of broken trust. Have an open conversation with your SO if something isn’t sitting right with you.
5. It has become easier to be sneakier
While Snapchat’s timer may be a blessing when sending embarrassing pictures to your friends, the app’s inability to store feed makes it easier to communicate with whoever you want, with little to no record of it. This is just one of many examples of how social media platforms make it easier to keep secrets.
Erica*, a junior at Clayton State University, agrees that social media makes it easier, even too easy, to connect with certain people. “Overall, people are a lot bolder online than in person,” she says. “It’s easy to find attention on any social media platform. Even if you have no intention of acting on any type of emotion in person, you can message someone for a night of flirting and erase it with the click of a button. I know people in relationships that have used social media to talk to other people behind their SO’s back.”
While not everybody uses social media for the purpose of being sneaky, it’s a possibility. Don’t expect this behavior from your partner, but check that you are not using social media for these purposes. You are the only person you can control, so make sure that you have a clear conscious.
Social media isn’t going away anytime soon, so it’s important to incorporate it into your life properly. Be mindful of your partner and your bond whenever you’re posting, tweeting, sharing or messaging. Overall, social media itself doesn’t ruin relationships, it’s how you use different platforms that can cause problems.
Having a crush at age six is super cute, and it's probably over by recess. Having a crush at 20, on the other hand, is super annoying, awkward and seemingly never-ending. You meet someone new in a class, at a party or from swiping on Tinder, and you notice those familiar warning signs that tell you your worst nightmare is coming true: You’re developing a crush on this person. Having a crush is actually the worst, and here are 17 reasons why.
1. It makes you feel like you’re in middle school all over again
And no one wants to go back to middle school.
2. You don’t see the crush coming until it’s too late
You never notice it in time to stop it. One day, you think, “Yeah, I guess they’re kind of cute,” and the next day you’re fantasizing about them asking you out.
3. And when you finally see it coming, you try to deny that it’s even happening
How could you have a crush on that person? You barely know them. It’s not a crush; it’s just a tiny attraction. You’re just acknowledging that they have a nice smile. And nice eyes. And a nice laugh. And a nice everything. That’s all.
4. You can never tell if they’re flirting back or if they’re just being nice to you
Are you even flirting with them? What if they think you’re just being nice? You’re not cut out for this life.
5. And when you actively try to flirt with them, it comes out like this:
A for effort, F for execution.
6. Checking out their profile turns into you downright stalking them and looking through posts from 2011
While praying you don’t accidentally like anything.
7. You can actually feel yourself annoying other people with how often you talk about them
No one else cares that they changed the part in their hair and it really frames their face nicely, so why do those words keep coming out of your mouth every time you talk to one of your friends?
8. Your friends try to hype up your crush but just end up embarrassing you
Yes, you saw that your crush is here. No, you don’t need each of your friends to physically point them out and push you in their direction.
9. You lose every bit of cool whenever you’re with them
Your crush: I love Chipotle.
You: *blurts out* Chipotle gives me gas.
10. To the point where interacting with them gives you an actual panic attack
Texting someone first or saying "hi" to someone when you see them on campus shouldn’t make you this nervous, but it does. Butterflies in the stomach are a real thing when you have a crush.
11. You’ll use any excuse to start a conversation with them or invite them somewhere
“It’s my roommate’s cat’s birthday today. Do you want to come to his party?”
12. And when you inevitably make a fool of yourself around them, you regret everything
Why did I send that GIF of a talking llama at 3 a.m.?
13. Your social media presence pretty much turns into you trying to impress your crush
And you drive yourself crazy waiting for them to like your picture or watch your Snap story.
14. You change your routine to try to see them more and risk turning into an actual stalker
There’s a fine line between trying to orchestrate a few “accidental” run-ins and learning their entire schedule and showing up everywhere they go.
15. And when you actually do run into them accidentally, you look like absolute garbage
Of course you run into them at the grocery store when you don’t even look like a functioning human. If it was anyone else, you wouldn’t care, but how are you supposed to make them fall in love with you now?
16. When they talk to you first, you have to try not to act too excited and usually fail epically
I won’t respond immediately this time. I’ll wait an hour and play it cool.
Your crush: *texts you*
You: *responds .5 seconds later*
17. You won’t know if they like you back unless someone finally makes a move
There are only two ways this ends: Either you find the courage to tell them how you feel, or you wait for them to make a move they might never make. So basically, there’s no good way out of this, and you should avoid putting yourself in this situation at all costs.
Whether it’s blasting country music while driving down an old dirt road or bumping and grinding at the club, good tunes set the mood for EVERYTHING. And that includes sex. Well, especially sex. With good music, you can go from not feeling it to ~really~ feeling it in a matter of seconds. Here is a list of the best 11 songs to play from foreplay to finish. And thanks to these tunes, we guarantee an eargasm isn’t the only 'asm you’ll be getting…
1. “Kiss Me,” Ed Sheeran
It really doesn’t get any more romantic than “Kiss Me” by Ed Sheeran. So grab your partner close, look into their eyes and get ready to feel all the feels.
2. “Sex You,” Bando Jonez
Oh, Bando Jonez you have won our hearts (and some other things). If you don’t feel your body seriously rocking with this song, then you need to turn it up.
3. “Dance for You,” Beyoncé
Oh Beyoncé, Queen of love and sex, I declare this your official anthem.
4. "Thinkin' Bout You," Frank Ocean
Frank Ocean can do no wrong. Just move your body close to your partners and the song will do the rest. Mmm yes, please.
While You're Doing the Deed
5. “Pony,” Ginuwine
Yes, this song will make you think of Channing Tatum, so what could go wrong?
6. “Body Say,” Demi Lovato
If Demi can love her body in all the right ways, then you totally can too. This is a power house song that is perfect for some self-love with your partner.
7. “Wicked Games,” The Weeknd
Literally, is there anything The Weeknd can’t do? No, the answer is no. This song=sex/love/passion all in one.
8. “Use Me,” Miguel
Two words: Yes, please. That’s all.
9. “Ain’t No Fun (If the Homies Can’t Have None),” Snoop Dogg ft. Nate Dogg, Warren G and Kurupt
Regardless of what your thoughts are on some of the explicit language in this tune, it still has some great vibes.
The Big Finish
10. “Dangerous” (feat. Joywave), Big Data
Once you turn on this song, you are officially ready to finish strong. This is the home stretch—this sick beat will make you want to groove in all the right ways.
11. “Hands to Myself,” Selena Gomez
And last but not least, the song none of us can help but sing along to. So yeah, maybe not the best while you are in the middle of making out but can you just imagine climaxing and screaming, “I MEAN I COULD BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO?”? Mic drop.
Once upon a time, Shakespeare poetically pondered, “What’s in a name?” And you know what, we thought that was a great question, but not about just any name: pet names. That’s right, we wanted to ask the not-so age-old question, “What’s in a pet name?” or maybe more accurately, “What do other collegiettes think of pet names?” So we set out to discover what college women really think about pet names by conducting an informal survey of 40 collegiettes. And what we found low-key surprised us.
Babe and baby
Two of the more controversial pet names are “babe” and “baby.” We found that a lot of collegiettes don’t like being called either. Mariel Tishma, a senior at Columbia College Chicago, says she understands that some people don’t like these names because of their “infantilizing undertones.” In our survey, some other collegiettes express the same feelings. But more women, it seems, are okay with babe over “baby,” mostly because “baby” can come off as demeaning, even if that wasn’t intended. More than any other pet names, “babe” and “baby” are the most widely disliked by collegiettes. So maybe go for something sweet and classic, something like…
Darling, sweetheart and honey
Collegiettes like these three more traditional pet names way more than “babe” and “baby.” The thing is, they generally prefer their partner to use just one of them. Some collegiettes said they find these sweeter nicknames a little too cutesy if they are called all them at different times. Overall, though, the majority of college women think these nicknames are cute.
Related: Everything You Need to Know About ‘Love Languages’ & How They Can Improve Your Relationship
Personalized names/Your name
On our pet names quest, the most surprising thing we found was that a lot of women prefer to be called by their given name or by a nickname special to their particular relationship. Katia Davis, a senior at the University of Kentucky, says she prefers when her SO calls her by her name over a pet name.
“While I do like pet names, nothing is more heartwarming to me or serious than when he called me by my name,” she says. “It just feels so intimate when he says something like ‘I love you, Katia’ opposed to ‘I love you, baby.’"
Beyond that, though, some collegiettes’ SOs call them by a unique pet name that is sweet because it came from an inside joke or a special moment between them. Some of the most interesting pet names we found were “turtle duck,” “cabbage patch kid” and “honey bunches of oats.” When you’re in a relationship, it shouldn’t matter how different or obscure the pet name might seem, as long as it makes you happy.
So what did we learn here? We learned that “baby” is controversial, sweet pet names, like sweets themselves, should be used in moderation and that some of the best pet names are some of the most unusual. More importantly, we’ve learned that at the end of the day, most collegiettes are not picky about what pet name(s) their SO calls them, as long as she does not consider the name or her SO’s tone when using the name offensive. Jenna Price, a sophomore at East Carolina University, said it best:
“I [have] realized something,” she says. “I never really cared what [my past SOs] were calling me (as long as it wasn't disrespectful). I more so cared about the way they said it. It's all about the inflection in their voice. When someone you love calls you bae, you might role your eyes, but if it's the right person you'll be okay with it.
And that, friends, is what is in a pet name. Shakespeare would be so proud (and probably a little confused by by the word “bae.” Us too, Shakespeare, us too.)
A new semester of college is upon us, meaning that life is in full swing again. Balancing classes, work, extracurricular activities and a social life is hard enough, yet finding time to squeeze your SO into the mix can seem impossible. Time may not be on your side, but creating space in your schedule to keep the love alive in your relationship is possible. Here are five ways to keep the spark going in a relationship where you’re both busy.
1. Schedule dates and stick to them
It’s easy to put date night on the back burner because you’re “too busy.” However, when you make date night just as important of a priority as a doctor’s appointment, then you’re sure to not miss another date or schedule anything over it.
Even if you can’t spend a long amount of time with them, try to make date night as memorable as possible. Marie*, a graduate student at Florida Atlanta University, thinks that seeing each other even for a couple of minutes is better than not seeing her SO at all.
“Schedule dates that you can look forward to,” she says. “My boyfriend and I try to do weekly lunch dates, even if they are only 20 to 30 minutes long by the time we drive to meet each other.”
Remember, a memorable date doesn’t always mean expensive, either. Simply trying to incorporate romantic touches like a bouquet of handpicked flowers or a note to leave your SO with when you part ways is sure to leave them smiling.
2. Pick up the phone
For the majority of us, there isn’t a day that goes by that we aren’t on our phones. And let’s face it—it only takes two seconds to send a text. If we think even deeper, we probably have at least 10 free minutes in the day. The excuse, “I was too busy to contact you” won’t fly anymore.
Jay Hurt, expert relationship coach, finds that in his personal life, he still finds a way to reach out to his wife, who is equally as busy. “Even when I’m busy working or away traveling, I’ll send an email or a text to let her know I am thinking about her,” he says.
Even if you don’t have the opportunity to have a full-blown conversation with them one day, let them know that you’re still thinking about them.
3. Fit them into your everyday routine
If finding a free day for you and your SO to have date night is a seemingly impossible task, don’t worry. You don’t have to rearrange your whole schedule to make time for your SO. Instead, fit them into your current schedule.
Whether that means they become your new study partner or your errand buddy, the most important takeaway is that you’re spending time together.
Rachel Petty, a senior at James Madison University, finds that even doing the littlest of things together is the most meaningful. “My boyfriend and I are both super busy,” she says. “But, we do little things like go to the gym or make dinner together to keep the spark going.”
Having your SO there and being supportive in your everyday life could serve as motivation to do your best.
4. Remember little details
It’s hard not to feel a rush of excitement when somebody remembers the little details about us. So while you may have a lot of things you need to remember, you need to add “random facts about your SO” to that list.
Maybe your SO is into animals, so you tag them in a cute Facebook video of animals. Or perhaps they have a favorite football team, so you buy them some team gear before the season kicks off.
“It’s all about the little things and details. For example, I’ll make sure my wife’s favorite show is recorded… Even when I travel, I send my wife her favorite flowers,” said Hurt.
Your SO is sure to appreciate the effort, whether big or small. Any action that proves you're invested in the relationship will be met with gratitude.
5. Make sacrifices
Part of being in a relationship is making sacrifices for the benefit of your SO. The most successful relationships are those in which couples don’t give up so easily just because their lives got busy.
“It doesn’t matter whether you’re in high school, college or my age,” says Hurt. "I am big on selflessness. Do whatever it takes to put your SO first."
When Alaina Leary, a graduate student at Emerson College, experienced clashing busy schedules with her girlfriend, she decided to cut part of her social life out to make time for her.
“We found it was important to make time for just the two of us,” she says. “Since we have active social lives and a lot of friends in the area, we were often spending our only time off, weekends, with a group of people and rarely had time to spend together. We made an effort to schedule time together, and that helped a lot. It was good for both of our sanity.”
If you are confident that you have found the one, you should want to make these type of sacrifices for the wellbeing of your relationship.
So while you may be swamped with all different types of commitments, that doesn’t mean you should lose sight of love. It’s possible to make your SO a priority and not lose sight of your goals either. Being busy doesn't excuse putting your relationship on the backburner.
I was 14 years old when my parents told my twin brother and I they were separating. My mom moved out the following day, and six months later she filed for divorce. They took
turns picking us up from school until my mom moved four hours away and my dad then took on the role as primary caregiver until we went off to college. I rarely noticed my young adulthood life was different from the army of other young adults whose parents divorced during their childhood, but occasionally I was reminded. Like the first time I watched Father of the Bride and realized that if I ever got married, my parents would not sit beside each other on my wedding day. Or when my first heartbreak came and the intense feeling of loneliness was all too familiar, and in a way, something I was able to easily accept. Navigating the world of relationships is challenging for anyone, but for those who come from divorced parents, their approach might be slightly different.
1. Communication is vital
We saw first-hand just how crucial communication was to making a relationship work, and just how important it was in making it last, and we'll be damned if we don't try to communicate as best as we know how. So, for our partners it's important that we be upfront about our needs for strong communication and in return they can understand where we're coming from.
2.It's easy to be cynical
It's easy for us to question everything in our relationships because we saw a lot of uncertainty ourselves. Hannah* junior at Notre Dame, offers, "My parents are divorced and I hate to be the cliché kid who’s cynical about love because of it but I really think it did affect me. I've "dated" and "talked" to guys but never been in a serious relationship and I'm not a psychologist or anything but I think because of my parents and other family members divorced, I just don't have a whole lot of faith in the idea of true love or investing a lot of time in something that could so quickly just be gone without you being able to do much about it." Regardless of how much we want to believe in happily ever after, the thought of it not working out can often plague our minds.
3. We're attentive
There are relationships that we all have that make us ask questions about ourselves, and then there are relationships that we fall into that magically answer those questions. For those who have seen divorce up close and personal, the drive to be a partner who shows up every single day and makes it clear they are invested fully in the relationship is very important. And above all else strives to be a partner who leaves nothing to the imagination.
4. Distance doesn't bother us
For many children of divorce, distance and travel are second nature. Two Thanksgivings and two Christmases are a way of life. *Rebecca, a senior at NC State University says, "My parents divorced when I was seven, and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how much I could handle in my long distance relationship. While my boyfriend at the time struggled with not being able to see me regularly, I uncovered that my ability to cope with his absence for week long periods, maybe stemmed from my own parents separation, because I too, had to split my time between them." Regardless of the cookie cutter relationships we're told exist, relationships are hard work, and making time and putting forth effort to overcome obstacles is a daily hurdle, but we have to keep in mind not everyone has the same experiences we have.
5. We're fighters
We've seen love at its best and its worst, and we have to choose daily to remind ourselves that love is worth fighting for. *Carrie, a junior at UCLA offers, "My boyfriend and I both come from divorced parents, and we were very open from the beginning about our insecurities and struggles with relationships. However, after a few months of dating and then ultimately falling in love with each other, we know love is different for everyone, but it's worth it." Holding steadfast to what you believe about love will help you overcome any of the doubts or fears you may have. Children of divorced parents have seen love completely bruised and beaten, but we'll be damned if we don't fight like hell to hold onto it when we find it.
You’re right to want love and a healthy relationship, but you’re wrong to accept someone else’s definition of what those words mean. The love we have to believe in is the love of the bathroom floor. The love that greets us at our messiest and helps us find the strength within ourselves and stand on our own two feet. Co-dependence is not love, and when you find someone who makes you feel strong enough to stand on your own two feet, invite them to your own bathroom floor. There’s beauty there. Your parent's divorce is not a punishment so do not wear it as a scar, but rather a badge of honor and enter the battlefield with courage and a tender heart.
*Names have been changed.
In the digital age, a prospective date could be a swipe or click away. Given the plethora of dating apps and sites that exist to help you find that special someone, it’s not difficult to filter and browse through the profiles of other people who are similarly looking for a relationship. Even offline, it’s easy to get out and meet new faces. For those who haven’t previously dated before, here are four ways you can take the leap into the dating pool.
1. Take a class at a community center.
If you’ve always wanted to learn a new skill, why not kill two birds with one stone? Going into class, everyone’s starting out on the same foot and open to helping and getting to know each other. Jackson*, a sophomore at York University, took a weekly culinary class where he met his former girlfriend. “I was surprisingly not too bad at cooking but my cute partner was awful at it. We had a lot of laughs throughout the program and ended up going out after the class ended.”
Like Jackson, Aaron*, a junior at Brock University, went on a couple dates with a woman he met through classes at a community center. “I’m a huge rock-climbing fanatic so I go to YMCA regularly to use their rock wall. Apparently, she was also a regular and just as enthusiastic about it so I wanted to get to know her and eventually asked her out.”
When it comes to first dates, Aaron suggests going on a hike or stopping by an artisan bakery cafe. “Going out for coffee or a movie is a little too typical so instead, I’ll schedule a date late afternoon to get some dessert together if she has a sweet tooth.” He says that hikes by the lake or at a park are another neat date idea as “you’re both surrounded by nature and there are fewer distractions.” Basically, creating a unique and memorable experience increases the likelihood they’ll say yes to a second date.
2. Talk to family and friends.
You can tell those close to you that you’re single and open to dating because a mutual contact can provide more information than an online profile about who they’re setting you up with. It’s also the safest option because your friends or family know your quirks best, which means there’s a great probability they have an even better understanding of what type of person you’re likely to be most comfortable with than a dating algorithm.
Natalie*, a freshman at Seneca College, went on several prearranged dates that were organized by friends. “It wasn’t half bad and definitely better than I was expecting,” she admits. “The first guy I went on a blind date with was really sweet. He was my sister’s boyfriend’s roommate. I personally feel safer going out with guys my friends recommend because they’ve already vetted the person and can vouch for their character. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have set me up with them.”
After the initial couple dates, Natalie was invited to his place where they cooked a meal together. “He texted me a couple days in advance and asked what type of foods I liked. I said I loved Thai food so he bought the ingredients for pad thai. I had an awesome time making the dish with him and talking over dinner.” She suggests that both men and women take turns planning dates “because that way, there isn’t pressure placed on any one person to be responsible for coming up with fun date ideas.” Also, you get to see what type of person they are through the kind of activities they plan.
3. Create an online dating profile.
Unless you want to serial date, Tinder - which has become synonymous with hook-ups - may not be the best option if you’re hoping for a long-term relationship. Teresa*, a senior at the University of Ottawa, found her current boyfriend after trying a couple different dating apps. She highly suggests that users new to dating apps to use Bumble. “What I like most about Bumble is that it reverses the roles," she says. "Typically, it’s expected that men make the move but with Bumble, only women can message a potential love interest first.”
Teresa also points out that for shy girls, in particular, Bumble is the ideal app to use if you’re trying to put yourself out there since it puts a clock on each match before it expires. “The key thing to know is that Bumble creates this sense of urgency,” she explains. “After you get a mutual match, there’s a timer that encourages female users to initiate the conversation before it runs out and you aren’t able to connect with the other person.” Other apps she recommends include Hinge (“If you’re concerned about creeps, then this may be your go-to app”) and Coffee Meets Bagel (“they curate the best matches possible for each user”).
For any preliminary dates scheduled with someone online, Teresa highly emphasizes the necessity of meeting up in very public place. “You can’t be too careful,” she points out and recommends that “if the weather’s nice, visit the farmer’s market or places like Toronto’s Distillery District. When I go back home on the weekends, my boyfriend and I love going there because it’s fantastic for dates since there’s an assortment of boutiques, galleries, and restaurants all in one place.” So next time, consider taking your date to some of your favorite spots around the city. They’ll learn about new places they never knew of and you’ll get a kick out of being their tour guide.
4. Find a cause or activity on campus that interests you.
It’s a sure-fire method of meeting like-minded students. When college clubs are actively recruiting new members, be sure to collect more information by talking to club representatives. Figure out what kind of events are organized throughout the year and how you can get involved. If you meet someone who catches your eye at a club meeting, your shared interests will likely give you plenty to talk about. Isabelle*, a sophomore at Ryerson University, previously dated another club member during her freshman year.
“Since we’re both highly competitive and previously on the debate team in high school, we hit it off instantly,” she says. “We started talking after club meetings and studying together. Sometimes, we’d grab coffee in between classes. He asked me out two months later and we officially started dating then!”
On planning dates, Isabelle says that “being a campus couple, some of the best dates [they] had were incredibly low-key” and involved seeing a musical organized by a school club or volunteering together. Especially as college students, she points out that when you enjoy each other’s company, you’ll both find ways to make the most of your time together without spending a lot.
Related: 7 Flirting Tips to Try This Summer
Online or offline, you’re bound to meet some interesting people with a bit of effort. If you want to get to know someone better and pursue a romantic relationship, then why wait? Take the initiative to ask them out. I can tell you from my own experience that dropping subtle hints does not work. Jen Sincero, New York Times best-selling author of the You Are a Badass series sums it up when she says that “if you want to live a life you’ve never lived, you’ve [got] to do things you’ve never done.”
*Names have been changed
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
It’s no exaggeration that dating is stressful for literally everyone. Sure, it’s great once you finally find your person, but taking the time to go on date after date to find that person is an ordeal. Sometimes that ordeal can be spontaneous and fun, but other times it can be an
f**king train wreckinteresting. Regardless, dating is more difficult for some of us, especially for those of us who have an invisible disability. Whether you have anxiety, depression or ankylosing spondylitis, your disability isn’t typically the first thing others notice, which might seem like a positive attribute to anyone who has never been disabled. Like everything in life, having an invisible disability has its downfalls.
Being that I didn’t become disabled until the day after I turned 22, I’m essentially the ultimate before-and-after poster child for invisible disabilities. I’ve seen a clear difference of what it’s like going on dates now that I’m disabled, which naturally means that I handle and prepare for my dates a bit differently now knowing about my arthritis.
1. I'm transparent
At times, I have to be brutally honest about my disability, because many people have this misconception that people with disabilities (invisible or not) are somehow a burden to everyone who encounters them. Clearly, that’s why that one girl in my study group failed her first quiz. Obviously, she sat too close to me in class, and my invisible disability had a negative impact on her learning environment. I’m a monster. All jokes aside, a lot of the people I’ve gone on dates with think the fact that my disability doesn’t come with a warning label — like a wheelchair or a literal sign — somehow means that I’m cat-fishing my poor, naïve date. Because how dare I refuse to tell my dates the second we match on Tinder that I have a disability.
Because I’ve already experienced several past Tinder dates go AWOL because I opened up to them about my arthritis in an untimely matter (whatever the f**k that means), I try to bring up my arthritis on the first date. This might not be the most graceful approach, and it’s probably considered as “rushing” the conversation a tad. But the topic usually comes up naturally in my case. Seeing as they inevitably ask “why are you still an undergrad, if you’re 24,” to which I explain truthfully that I’ve had to take a few gap semesters off, because of my disability. Honestly, though, I don’t give a crap if I tell my dates about my disability too "soon". If they decide to ghost me because I was truthful and told them that I have an invisible disability, then I clearly don’t need them in my life.
Nevertheless, it’s up to every individual person to decide when the best time to have “the talk” with their bae is.
2. I plan ahead
My pre-date preparation can vary. Sometimes it’s as simple as going on a practice date with a friend. Seriously, nearly everyone has been to a mock interview, so why aren’t mock dates a thing yet? Seeing as my immune system didn’t feel like attacking my joints until two years ago, I used to feel less nervous about going on dates. Practice dates make me feel significantly less anxious. Other times, my preparation requires me to rearrange my typical schedule. Personally, my disability requires quite a bit of medication. While my medication makes me feel better overall, it can make me feel sick anywhere from a few hours to a few days after taking my medication. If I’m planning on meeting a hot date at a restaurant, I might opt to postpone injecting myself with biologics, at least until after the date. I’d rather not potentially puke all over my date (if my rheumatologist is reading this, I’m sorry but I’m not sorry). However, if you need your medication to function, don’t wait to take it.
Being that my invisible disability is sometimes visible, I get a fair amount of anxiety before a date, especially if I have to use my wheelchair or cane that day. If I need to be in my wheelchair during a date, I’ll take some time to “warn” my date ahead of time that I’ll be in a wheelchair. Likewise, I’ll make sure the restaurant we’re going to is wheelchair-friendly because you wouldn’t believe how many bars and restaurants aren’t actually ADA compliant in my area.
Regardless, coping with my impending date requires more prep work than showering and finding a cute getup. Preparing for a date should never be overlooked by anyone, especially those of us with disabilities.
3. I remind myself that I'm still a catch
Okay, well, I might not be a catch, because I’m still a self-proclaimed petty bitch. But I’m definitely not somehow an inferior suitor because of my disability. Everyone gets a healthy amount of jitters before a date, but nobody should ever have to doubt their worth before going on a date. Regardless of your disability or lack thereof, you are dating material and you deserve to find your person (unless you’re Nick Viall).
Nobody with a disability, invisible or otherwise, should ban themselves from dating because they think their potential partner is going to reject them because of their disability. Your disability might make you different, but that just means you need to handle dating differently, not forego dating entirely.
Whether you’re the one dealing with jealous feelings or you’re dealing with someone who’s jealous of you (though who wouldn’t be jealous of you, because you’re perf), nobody wants to be jealous.
Jealousy is something everyone has experienced at some point, unless of course you’ve finally master not giving a shit about literally anything or anyone. In which case, why are you even reading this article? We get it—you’re researching for a friend, right?
Even though jealousy within a relationship is a pretty common topic, jealousy about others’ relationships is kind of an unspoken topic that nearly everyone has dealt with every so often. Regardless, there are a few ways that you help yourself beat that couple envy.
1. Focus on yourself and your relationship (even if your current relationship is with Netflix)
It’s easy to be fixated on someone’s seemingly perfect couple-dom, a celebrity fling or even a fictitious couple.
However, you shouldn’t miss out on your own relationship because you were too busy fixating on another couple’s relationship.
You actually don’t even need to be in any form of relationship to be jealous about others’ relationships. However, you shouldn’t envy someone just because they’re in a relationship and you’re not. After all, being single is an excellent time to focus on yourself and your future.
Emily Schmidt, a sophomore at Stanford University, says, “I always deal with relationship jealousy by reminding myself that my guy is out there. I just have to be patient. Sometimes I’ll go and read cheesy quotes on Tumblr if I’m feeling especially angsty, but for the most part, focusing on myself helps a lot.” Whether you want to believe it or not, there is someone out there for you (even multiple someones), so you shouldn’t worry about being jealous of someone’s seemingly perfect bae.
2. Remember that every relationship is different
What works for the couple you’re jellin’ on might not work for you and your SO, so you shouldn’t obsess over other couples. Don’t try to be like another couple, just because that couple appears to be blissful.
Just because your bestie and her beau display an obnoxious amount of public affection, doesn’t mean you and your SO need to feel pressured into doing the same. Without sounding like a PSA against peer pressure, don’t force something that doesn’t come naturally.
Personally, I used to overtly hold hands and cuddle up on my former SOs, but I only did it because I saw so many other couples doing it. I thought it was just a natural way to show your SO that you like and appreciate them, but it just felt all sorts of awkward (mostly because I hate PDA).
So save yourself the trouble and focus on doing the things that work for you and bae.
3. Stay away from social media
First rule of the internet: nothing is true. Okay well, some things are true on the internet, but social media accounts represent the best of someone’s life. After all, who would want to document the worst (or even mundane) parts of their life or relationship?
John Remus, a senior at Iowa State University, explains, “You tend to obsess about random people on Twitter and Facebook, and it just becomes unhealthy because you’re so focused on what other people are doing in their relationship. If you stop following couple accounts or use social media less, then you can occupy yourself with your own relationship.” Seriously, someone’s social media account is not an accurate representation of themselves of their relationship.
Don’t strain your own relationship because you want to be like all the other Insta-couples.
4. Be happy for the other couple
We get it, it’s easier said than done, especially for us petty gals. However, you should try to focus your energy on admiring a decent and healthy couple.
Before you start photoshopping you and your beau’s face onto photos of your campus’ It Couple, take a second to appreciate that there’s a happy couple (even if they’re only smitten on
An anonymous alumna from Florida State University explains that she starting thinking more positively about other couples’ relationship. “I started going to student counseling when I was a student to try to get rid of my negative outlook. It was really affecting my relationship with my boyfriend and my relationships with my friends, because I was spending a lot of time becoming obsessed with relationships that I wasn’t even involved in.” After all, there is absolutely no shame in seeking therapy to help you learn how to process your emotions more effectively, especially if it helps strengthen your relationship with your friends and SO.
Even if you don’t feel like your relationship is the best relationship at the moment, it’s always inspiring to see that there are other couples that are thriving at the moment. After all, what’s life without hope?
5. Ask other couples questions
If you’re jealous about another couple or pining over someone else’s “couple goals,” you should try asking them questions about what works and what doesn’t work for them.
Even if you use this
interrogation interview to overthrow this poster couple’s Insta-fame, at least you’re channeling your energy toward minimizing the couple rivalry, rather than forcing your SO to take 75 photos of your couple brunch for your shared Instagram account.
After all, if you’re jealous about someone else’s relationship in the first place, then you might need to work on something in your own relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with working on something, even if it isn’t “broken.” That is how maintenance works.
Instead, try to figure out why you’re jealous of another couple, and try to replicate that in your own relationship (but, you know, edit it to fit your relationship). For example:
If you’re jealous about someone else, then you obviously want something that they have — or something that you think they might have. Regardless, you shouldn’t silently sulk about the dream relationship that you don’t have. Instead, gradually work on your own relationship. Your relationship is what matters, after all.
You know that feeling when you’re with your SO and you’re unashamed of PDA, texting them 24/7 and obsessing over them nonstop? Welcome to the honeymoon stage. It’s at the very beginning of a relationship, and although you and your SO may feel untouchable in your little bubble of bliss, it isn’t permanent. Eventually, you become accustomed to his habit of leaving socks everywhere, or her habit of cracking her knuckles, and the magic of being a newbie couple fades into a routine. Although it’s great to move forward and learn all the little mannerisms of your SO, sometimes it feels like a shock to the system when the honeymoon phase comes to a close. So here’s what to do next to keep your relationship as strong as it was in the very beginning.
1. Re-evaluate your relationship
Sometimes the honeymoon stage is actually just a lust stage. The two of you might have been so caught up in the moment that it seems like you’re perfect for each other when in reality it was just a passing fling. If it seems like there are more negatives than positives after the giddy feelings disappear, then you might be in this predicament.
“It’s always important to be clear on what you want and what you need out of a relationship,” says Jay Hurt, a relationship expert “If this person isn’t meeting your needs and your desires and not putting you first, then you look for those signs and you decide how to move forward.” Your SO should be your biggest motivator and supporter. If they can’t seem to fulfill your needs—and we’re not talking Chipotle runs or back massages every day, we mean actual emotional fulfillment—then it might not be the right relationship for you. So after you are over the obsessive stage, step back and re-evaluate. If they’re right for you, you’ll know.
2. Keep some consistency
Although you might not be jumping each other’s bones every day (if you still do, props to you) that doesn’t mean that you have to cut out the romance altogether. Make sure that you’re still doing the same things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Hurt says that a certain amount of consistency is key. “Continue to do the things that attracted you to each other and that made you get together and fall in love before the honeymoon phase is over,” he says. “Keep working on your relationship.”
Sarah Westbrook, a junior at the University of South Carolina, says not to completely forget the honeymoon phase altogether. “I think it's important to be able to stay romantic. It's good to keep saying nice things to each other and remind each other how much you mean to each other. People can fall into the habit of not doing that after the ‘honeymoon phase’ since you get so comfortable together.” If there’s anything you should carry over into the next phase, it’s a little bit of the romance that started it all. You’ll be able to tackle a lot more of the serious stuff if you have that foundation to build on.
3. Expect to get (slightly) annoyed
One of the inevitable results of the transition into the next part of your relationship is the fact that the newness and blinded obsession you have for your other half might not be so blinding anymore. There will definitely be times where you feel like pulling your hair out—but that’s totally normal. Peyton Tuccinard, a freshman at James Madison University, says, “You don’t always want to see [your SO] every second—you want to see your friends too. Plus, you don’t want to lose your friends, and time apart means more time to love and miss each other.” Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean they’re the end-all-be-all. Just like any relationship—friend or otherwise—there will be times that you get frustrated. Cool down, hang out with some besties and then re-approach whatever subject set you off.
If, however, you are constantly being pestered with texts, your SO is snooping through all your emails or you can’t be around each other without sparking a fight, then the red flags should pop up. Arguing is totally fine, but feeling smothered is definitely not something you need to put up with. If you’re rolling your eyes so much that they get stuck, then it might be time to say hasta la vista.
4. Spice it up
Although it’s important to keep a little consistency, it’s equally important to keep it interesting so you don’t get into a draining routine. Predictability kills, so don’t fall prey to it. Hurt says to “never take each other for granted. You [should] always think of them first. You put their needs first and you put their wants first; that’s how you really you keep the freshness and the newness of the relationship and keep the relationship moving forward.” Obviously, you are still in control of yourself and your body, and putting their needs first doesn’t mean forgoing all of your needs as well. You aren’t required to succumb to their every will and answer at their beck and call, and you are always the one who has the final say over yourself. Instead, try to fulfill their emotional needs by being aware of when they’re having a rough day, or being understanding and willing to compromise in certain situations. Partaking in a relationship means you’re not on your own anymore.
Ingrid Schnader, a junior at Auburn University, also suggests changing your average date night to something more fun. “Find a hobby that you both enjoy—something that will never get old,” she says. “For example, my boyfriend and I always go to antique stores when we're bored. We find the most interesting things and each trip is unique!” Trying new experiences with each other will ensure that you will never stop learning and growing alongside one another, and growing is a huge way to keep the momentum that your relationship needs.
5. Open up to your SO
This second phase of your relationship is where you find out all the good stuff. Instead of sucking each other’s faces every time you lock eyes, you will get the chance to have meaningful conversations and talk about your future plans and goals. You’ll learn all the specifics about your SO that will make your relationship strong. From cutesy things like childhood memories to serious subjects like biggest struggles, these are the conversations that will build up your relationship and allow you to get more comfortable. Revealing your true self is something that only comes with time—and this is when you should do it!
Peyton says that this phase gives her and her SO the chance to be honest in ways they wouldn’t have been before. “When my boyfriend and I got past the honeymoon stage everything became much more comfortable,” she says. “We were even able to talk about certain aspects of each other that bothered us. For example, I’m not afraid to tell him to keep me out of conversations about politics. We don’t exactly see eye-to-eye on the subject, but it’s totally fine for me to say that it makes me uncomfortable, and he gets it.” One of the great parts of getting to open up to your SO is being candid about your feelings—no matter what. You might not feel right bringing more serious feelings up in the honeymoon stage, but the fact that you are comfortable to put everything on the table means your relationship is strong and growing.
6. Remember those honeymoon feelings
Post-honeymoon might also seem like the phase of reality, stress and arguments about not answering each others’ phone calls—sometimes it seems like you completely loathe your SO. But you remember your honeymoon days, so use that to your advantage. “I think many couples transition into good relationships when those [honeymoon] feelings continue, and it might not be quite the same but, the feelings do continue, and you’re still in a joyful relationship,” says Hurt.
Shelly Adams, a junior at Shenandoah University, says that those feelings actually helped to bring sparks back into her relationship. “The passion will come and go; you can fall in love with your significant other all over again if it dies down—you just have to put some effort into it!” So don’t think that the honeymoon stage is the peak of romance. If that’s what you want in a relationship, all you need to do is understand what made you feel that way in the first place and find ways to bring it back. Carry the feelings that brought you together into this second phase because they come in handy when the real-world invades.
7. Enjoy it!
Some of the best experiences in your relationship will come after the honeymoon is over. You’re finally comfortable in the relationship and you don’t have to worry about wearing makeup and uncomfortable jeans all the time—welcome back, sweatpants.
Dottie Kramer, a senior at Ohio University, says she actually likes the post-honeymoon phase better. “The honeymoon is kind of fake; you put your best foot forward (always made up, best behavior, etc.); it's a lot of effort,” she says. “I cherish the silly weird moments we have more than anything. The nights where we cuddle up watching junk TV in sweatpants, splitting a whole pizza. Plus, I feel like we've gotten a lot closer, and he's become my go-to guy on a lot of tough conversations (like money, and life post-grad). The relationship only gets better with time!” Post-honeymoon is the time to really get to know your SO. You’ll become closer because you’re more trusting and ready to tackle the good and the bad.
When the honeymoon is over and you’re in part two of the relationship, the fears that accompany it can be scary, but remember why you and your SO fell for each other in the first place. So, tackle the next phase of your relationship—you might be surprised by how much better it is.
No matter your zodiac sign, having sex for the first time is something that you will remember for the rest of your life. From renting out a hotel to having sex after prom, losing your virginity is going to be exciting and special. Here is how you will lose it according to your zodiac sign:
If you are an Aries, it is highly likely that you are adventurous, energetic, courageous and enthusiastic when it comes to sex. Because of this, you will lose your virginity pretty spontaneously. Whether that is on spring break with a cutie from the hotel or with your prom date, having sex is not something that you want to plan. You want it to happen naturally and randomly and therefore it is going to be incredibly exciting either way.
As a Taurus woman, you are always patient, reliable, persistent and determined. With these traits, you will probably lose your virginity to a long-term lover. It will be amazing with candles, music and a set of lingerie. Even though you may have to wait for the right moment, you don’t care as long as it is absolutely perfect.
Gemini women are known for being witty, youthful, eloquent and lively in the bedroom. Because of these traits, you will most likely lose your virginity to a summer love. You will spend the summer falling for each other, much like Liam and Miley in The Last Song and by the time August comes around, you find the perfect spot on the beach to end the summer with a bang. Literally. For Sarah*, a Gemini at High Point University, that is exactly what happened to her. "I met John* while I was working at a summer camp a few summers ago and I fell hard," she says. "We were inseparable but we both knew that it wouldn't work past the summer. So on the second to last night, we went out to stargaze and it just happened. It was romantic and perfect and couldn't have been any more spontaneous."
Cancer women are, more often than not, emotional, intuitive, imaginative and sympathetic in bed. Although losing your virginity is not something you take lightly, you won’t plan it. It will happen with someone you love very much and it will be on a night where your emotions are flying. Maybe you just won an award or your SO is going off to college—either way, it will be passionate and intense.
Leo women are generous, warm-hearted, faithful and creative when it comes to sex. This means that you will probably lose your virginity after months of planning—but your partner will never know all the work you put into it. Whether that means renting a hotel room on your anniversary and surprising your SO, or laying down thousands of red roses before your bae comes over, everything will be super fun and exciting. Emily*, a Leo at Northwestern University, said that it took her two years with her partner before she lost her virginity. "I knew I was ready and loved him but I had to make sure it was really the best idea. I wanted it to be perfect and that meant everything from where, when, and what I was wearing."
Virgo women are modest, diligent, intelligent and meticulous in the bedroom. So when it comes to losing your virginity, this is a decision you have not made quickly. You have weighed the pros and the cons and made sure that your partner is the absolute right person you want to have your first time with. It will be in your childhood bedroom and you will make sure that your parents are out of town and that you have 50 different kinds of condoms ready. Better safe than sorry for a Virgo.
Related: What First Time Sex is Like For Guys
Libra women are romantic, idealistic, sociable and charming. This means that for losing your virginity, it may not be someone that you ever thought you would have sex with. But nonetheless, it’ll be perfect. You don’t want it to be rushed so you make sure to do it in a place that is a bit untraditional, like an empty house or a park (just be sure no one is around!). You know that if you were at your house, your parents might come home and that is not a situation you want to deal with. So you plan ahead and think through every possible option.
Scorpio women are determined, powerful, emotional and exciting. Because of these traits, you will most likely lose your virginity without planning ahead of time. Much like Blair Waldorf who lost her virginity in the back of a limo, you will lose it in a way that you will remember for the rest of your life, no matter how crazy it may seem in the moment. Jackie*, a Scorpio at Syracuse University, actually had a similar experience to Blair that she will never forget. "I met this guy at the grocery store and the moment I saw him there was a spark," she says. "I was 19 and a virgin but there was just something about him that I knew I wanted. We walked out of the store together and did it right in his car. We dated for three years after that moment." So like Jackie, it could be in a car, or it could be on a Ferris wheel, but wherever the place, it will be absolutely incredible.
Sagittarius women are incredibly optimistic, philosophical, straightforward and funny all the time. You will lose your virginity with one of your closest friends and loves. It will be romantic yet hilarious because both of you do not know what you are doing yet—but it will be mind-blowing. It will be one of the best experiences of your life because you are having fun with someone you love.
Capricorns are idealistic, ambitious, practical and reserved, even during sex. This means that you will most likely speak with your mother ahead of time to talk about sex to get her advice. Then when the moment is right, candles will be lit and it will be slow and beautiful. You do not want to rush it because you want to make sure you are doing everything right. For Laura*, a Capricorn at the University of Rochester, that is exactly what she did. "I was dating my SO for a year and a half and I knew that I was ready to have sex. So I talked to my mom about it a few times before it actually happened. Afterwards, I felt so comfortable because I knew that what I was doing was healthy and normal."
Aquarius women are friendly, loyal, inventive and independent. This means that you will probably lose your virginity to someone you do not know that well, but still are 100 percent sure that you want to do it. To you, sex is a way to pleasure yourself and not about making the other person happy. You know what you like and will help your partner accomplish those things.
Pisces women are sensitive, selfless, imaginative and compassionate. With these traits, you will probably lose your virginity while you are traveling around the world. You fall in love fast and hard and want to make sex a thing to remember forever. Even if you won’t ever see your partner again, you will remember that moment for the rest of your life.
Whether you are a Cancer or a Scorpio, losing your virginity is a big moment in your life. From a candlelit room to the back of a car, it will be special no doubt because you are ready for it. When you look back at having sex for the first time, you will know that it was perfect for you.
*Names have been changed
We know, we know. Isn’t it only, like, old married couples that have to deal with one partner wanting sex more or less than the other? Unfortunately, as many of you readers probably know, this is not the case. In fact, more and more young women are experiencing less of a desire to have sex due to a variety of both physical and physiological causes.
In case you’re dealing with this in a relationship you’re currently in, or if you just want to be prepared, we spoke to some experts about the range of explanations for libido differences and came up with some possible solutions. Read on for some newfound sexpertise!
Why It’s Happening:
A particularly high or low sex drive can result from physical, mental and other causes. Dr. Jennifer Wider, M.D., a women’s health expert and author, states that “stress can kill a person’s sex drive, as can sleep deprivation.” If you (or your partner) are under a great deal of pressure (at work, because of school or other issues), a decrease in sex drive might develop. It’s like when it’s finals and the stress is so high that all you can do is lay in bed. The last thing you want to do is exert energy, even if it may lead to pleasure!
Dr. Wider adds that certain medications can decrease libido as well; antidepressants, blood pressure meds, and seizure drugs have the potential to lower your desire to have sex. For women in particular “sometimes hormonal issues get in the way,” and are related to your menstrual cycle. The symptoms of menstruation can have both negative and positive effects on your sex drive. For example, during the PMS part of your cycle, you might feel tired, exhausted, bloated or all of the above, and have no sexual desire whatsoever. While you’re ovulating, however, “the libido is usually higher,” says Dr. Wider.
Even birth control can also negatively impact libido. This is likely due to the mix of hormones that birth control supplies to the body. Birth control can also cause “less vaginal lubrication” according to Go Ask Alice!.
August McLaughlin, health and sexuality writer, states that “libido differences are hugely common.” If you’re having this issue in your relationship, you’re not alone! McLaughlin adds that “it’s probably rarer not to have some discrepancy at some point,” which totally makes sense! Sex drive is just another trait in a long list of personal attributes, and you’re not always going to line up perfectly with whomever you’re in a relationship (or just having sex) with.
It’s also a total myth that men are always more desiring of sex (and, of course, this notion is super heteronormative). Of this assumption, Dr. Wider says that she has dealt with an “almost 50/50” split of male versus female instances of sex drive discrepancies. So don’t feel weird if you’re the one feeling more sexual than your male partner. Don’t feel weird if you’re differently sexually-inclined at all!
What to Do:
“Open communication,” says McLaughlin, is essential to getting over this obstacle in your relationship. With your partner, “explore your expectations, needs and desires.” Just like having sex is part of your relationship, talking about having sex might also have to be! This might seem (oddly) like a turn-off at first, but developing a comfort around the topic of sexuality with your partner will likely only lead to greater intimacy!
It might also be necessary to re-evaluate the importance of sex in your relationship, or at least the way that sex and sensuality can be experienced. For McLaughlin, “sexual empowerment isn’t about having a highly active sex life.” On the contrary, she states that “it’s about embracing your sexuality as you see fit.”
Compromise in a relationship is essential, so be sure to not only lean in to your partner’s desires, but make sure that yours are accounted for. You also don’t want to expect the world of your partner or for them to expect the world of you. McLaughlin also says that “deciding to cuddle, kiss and so on, without expectation of it necessarily leading to intercourse or orgasm” might help take the pressure off a stressed-out libido.
Modify your medication
Because your medications might be impacting your sex drive, you might want to consider changing them. Of course, talk to your doctor about this and ask them what your options are and if they think that altering your medication might be the solution to your problems. “Don’t hesitate to speak with a healthcare practitioner,” says Dr. Wider. This is, of course, an issue that has to do with your physical well-being!
According to McLaughlin, “some couples really benefit from scheduling sex, at a frequency that seems reasonable to both partners.” Compromise is essential here. Setting out a time to engage in intimacy with your partner might seem really unromantic, but it might actually increase your arousal because of all the build-up around the event! Also, this means that you can perfectly plan your shaving schedule, if you’re into that.
Masturbation can work to the benefit of individuals in relationships, not just single people! “If you’re on the lower libido side, self-stimulating may help increase arousal,” says McLaughlin. Not only will this be pleasurable for you, but your partner might find it extraordinarily stimulating as well!
Spend more time on foreplay
Foreplay, AKA all the super-sexy lead up to actual intercourse, provides a really good opportunity to hike up your sex drive. McLaughlin says that this is particularly stimulating for women, because “estrogen-based bodies tend to take longer to warm up into desire than testosterone-based bodies.” We’re hard to please, what can we say? Nothing wrong with high standards, and it just makes our pleasure that much more pleasurable!
See a professional
If you think that your or your partner’s sex drive might be abnormal or related to a physical or medical problem, definitely see (or suggest that they see) a doctor. Otherwise, the two of you might benefit from going to see a couple’s or sex therapist. This is bound to be awkward at first, but remember that they just want to help you and that they’ve dealt with this before.
Having a third party (insert threesome joke here) might help move things along if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your partner about your or their sex drive at first. It might also help to have an objective opinion if your sex drive discrepancy is an issue of miscommunication in your relationship!
Just remember that your body and your desires are your own, and as weird or uncomfortable or abnormal as you may feel, if you tackle the problem head-on, a difference in sex drive does not have to be a relationship dealbreaker.
Although we are often too ashamed to say it, most of us can probably admit that we enjoy the occasional hookup. There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun, especially if it could potentially lead to something more in the long run. However, sometimes it’s a little hard to discern what is meant to be a one-time thing and what could turn into a healthy, stable relationship. If you’re not sure whether your casual hookup has the potential to be the next #relationshipgoals, here are some signs that may help you.
1. You've become jealous
There’s no question that jealousy is a huge indicator that you're starting to “catch feels.” A big reason that most people like hooking up is because they don’t want to commit to a single person. However, when these feelings start to change and you begin to notice that both of you gradually desire exclusivity, that’s a big sign you are both interested in being more than just a casual hookup.
Shelby Emerson, a freshman at the University of Texas at Tyler, says a little jealousy could be healthy. “Most girls will never admit it, but we can almost all agree that we all get a little excited when we see someone we are interested in get a little jealous,” she says. “Not only is it a sign he/she cares, but it could show you are the only one they are talking to therefore they expect the same from you.”
Don’t get us wrong, too much jealousy is never a healthy thing, but a little here and there could indicate they want you all to themselves. Everyone gets jealous at some point and that’s totally okay.
2. Your hangouts are not limited to hookups
If the person you’re talking to only wants to meet up to get lucky, it’s clear they’re not looking for a relationship. Johnathon Chang, a junior at the University of Texas at Austin, thinks this is a monumental step. “When you begin to do other things with your partner, that’s an indicator,” he says. “This means that you both genuinely enjoy each other’s presence even if it doesn’t give physical satisfaction.” We couldn’t agree more. A relationship takes a lot more than physical interaction and it’s important to have chemistry outside of the bedroom. When sex is no longer an assumed activity when meeting up, that may be a sign you’re ready for more.
Not only will you be getting more time with each other, but if you’re doing more than just hooking up, you’ll likely venture out and be seen in public together. Most people would rather not brag about their last hookup unless there was a chance it would become something more. No one wants to introduce the new flame as “just someone I’m hooking up with.” Most of us like to keep it a secret and find running into them in public just awkward. Taking the time to introduce your partner to your friends is a huge step because it shows that you are slowly integrating them into your every day life. When you start to become more open about your more-than-friends relationship, it is a big implication that this is more than just a one-night-stand.
3. You text throughout the day
We know this may seem to be an insignificant factor, but especially in this digital-centered time we are living in, this shows a lot more than you may think. Texting throughout the day is a huge time commitment and most people tend to get bored of the typically meaningless conversations. When you and your partner are constantly able to carry a conversation throughout the day it shows your partner is genuinely interested in knowing what you’re up to all the time. Angela Huynh, a sophomore at Collin College, explains this feeling. “I never really find myself motivated to text someone I’m not interested unless it’s my close friends,” she admits. “Most of the time, it just ends up feeling like an obligation and the conversation hardly goes anywhere.” Relatable much?
Texting throughout the day could also mean they care for you emotionally in addition to just physically. It’s pretty obvious when a she/he is just using you for physical needs. Their texts would probably be some variation of “wyd rn.” However, if he or she is texting you constantly about other things, or is there for you emotionally, whether it be helping you through family problems or simply genuinely wanting to get to know you, it’s pretty likely this is more than just a casual hookup.
4. Communicate with your partner
When it comes down to it, you’ll never know for sure unless you communicate with your partner. It’s not up to just you if you want to cross the line from hooking up to dating; it’s a two- way street. The best way to be sure is to simply ask and discuss the situation. If you aren't comfortable doing that, maybe you’re not ready for that step. Stephanie Huynh, a sophomore at Lehigh University, could attest to this. “If talking about it is too scary or too big of step I think that's a pretty good sign you're not quite ready,” she says. “Relationships are about communication. If you can't start there, it's not a good beginning.” We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
A significant other is someone you will ultimately end up sharing most of your feelings with and being able to communicate with them honestly is vital to a healthy relationship.
Related Article: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Date Someone New
Moving forward can be a scary thing. Especially when you’re trying to decide whether you should take the leap from hooking up casually to dating. There are a lot of risks that come from crossing this bridge, but we’re here to help you through it. We know, sometimes not having to worry about feelings can seem easier, but if you think it could be something more, don’t be afraid to try it out! Maybe you can be the next Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf.
You hate to brag, but TBH you’re the perfect woman. Every person you date can’t stop talking about how amazing of a girlfriend you are! The secret? You’re just the right combination of clingy and totally chill. It makes your time with your SO sweet and your time apart even sweeter. These are 15 things only you could understand.
1. You have a need to know where your SO is at all times
2. But you're totally chill if they don’t text you for a few hours or more
3. You can't help but still get jealous
4. But you don’t waste time stressing about it because you trust them so much
5. When you are together you want as much of their attention as possible
6. But when you’re not together you couldn’t care less
7. Stalking their social media is unheard of to you
8. Because they’re already your phone wallpaper and computer background
9. You miss them all the time
10. But you wouldn’t trade alone time or hangout sessions with friends for your SO
11. You are the queen of over analyzing everything they say
12. But give up after five minutes because that’s just too much work
13. You live to accommodate yourself instead of being at their beck and call
14. And you’re all about taking your relationship slow
15. Because you already know it’s going to last a lifetime, so what’s the rush?
The last time you received an unsolicited dick pic, your immediate reaction was probably either “lol” or “GROSS!” followed by a long period of scratching your head and wondering what drove him to send that. Does he think that’s what I want? What do I do now? PENISES ARE WEIRD! are pretty common thoughts that go through our heads while we’re spiraling. We understand, ladies. We all deserve answers.
Unfortunately, there’s been next to no research or studies focused on this concerning sexual issue, but leave it to us at Her Campus to go straight to the source for an explanation. We asked seven men what makes them send us those confusing AF dick pics, and for once we were not disappointed with what we got back.
Could guys be sending unwarranted nudes because they’re actually just projecting their sexual desires onto us? Probably. That’s just the way we’re wired. It’s not uncommon for us to project our fantasies onto men and women either. Whether we’re holding them to the standard of Benjamin Barry from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, building them up to the point of fiction or saying “I love you” just because we want to hear it back, we women are totally guilty of projecting too. But a line should definitely be drawn between something that might be considered sexual harassment and a little harmless idealizing.
“I send them because that’s what I would want sent to me,” says Michael, a senior at Western Washington University. He’s basically confirmed what we’ve been thinking this entire time.
Adam, a sophomore at New York University, feels the same way. “It turns me on like crazy when a woman randomly sends me naughty pictures of herself, so I don’t get why girls I’m talking to get freaked out instead of letting it be pleasurable.”
As the saying goes, we should treat others the way we want to be treated in return, because that means a cycle of mutual affection and respect. However, that doesn’t mean send her a dick pic, because you in return would like to receive a vagina pic. That’s not how meaningful proverbs work.
Technology makes it way too easy
Unexpected penis shots aren’t coming from our best guy friends or men we really know all that well. The dick pics usually pour in from people we’ve met on a dating app or just happened to give our phone number to after meeting briefly. That means after minimal conversation, guys are feeling comfortable enough to reveal themselves and go from zero to 100 pretty quickly. They’re not all fuckboys either. They’re normal people who go to school or have jobs, but still think sending an erect penis via text is fine.
“Why not? That’s the way I think about it,” says Justin, a senior at California State University, Fullerton. “Because it’s digital, sending nudes gives me a level of anonymity. I think it makes showing a woman my penis very casual instead of same grand or maybe horrifying event. I usually do it pretty early too, so if she rejects me I can just stop talking to her.”
Maybe Tinder is to blame for the ubiquitous cock shot, but let’s be honest, our technology in general makes it pretty easy for guys to get away with this. They don’t have to put any personal investment in the message or romantically convey how badly they want to sleep with you. If it’s not going to work, they know early on, but that’s still not any way to get to know someone.
It provides sexual satisfaction
Sending an infamous phallic photo may actually be something guys don’t put a lot of thought into (clearly) before doing. Not in the way that they’re totally clueless about what women really want to see (their abs and nice hair), but because sending a nude just seems like the natural course of action.
“I really don’t know?” says Erich, a junior at the University of California, Irvine. “It’s the same thing as when I masturbate. I don’t plan on doing it or really give it much thought when it’s happening, but after then I’m like ‘okay, cool.’ I guess you could call it sexual release. My body tells me I need something to feel better and then I do it!”
We’re not saying that sending a dick pic is as instinctual as our basic human needs to eat and sleep, but achieving sexual satisfaction could be reasonably thoughtless. We can’t *totally* justify this reasoning, but also we get it.
It’s a power move
A dick pic can definitely make a woman squirm––but not always in a good way. While a lot of dick pics just seem harmless and questionable, there are some that make us feel incredibly unsafe. They can be followed by endless messages from a guy coercing us into texting a nude back. They can become threatening. They can be unsolicited to the point that it’s just blatant harassment, especially if it happens repeatedly.
“I’ve never sent an unsolicited dick pic, but my current girlfriend used to receive them regularly from an ex-boyfriend, and it scared the crap out of her,” says Caleb, a senior at California State University San Marcos. “It’s gross. It’s sexual harassment, and I know it’s possible to go to prison for it. I think that guys who do it are just trying to get off on some weird, perverted power trip and also elicit a reaction.”
For a few unfortunate people in the world, the unsolicited dick pic is definitely a sexual power move, and we’re sorry about that. It feels good to them to get a strong reaction from us because it means they’ve won and they got what they came for. It doesn’t matter if their dick is appalling as long as it got a response.
If you are a person who’s receiving these pictures and feeling uncomfortable you can either explain to this person that this is sexual harassment and block them, or you can ignore them completely and block them. It’s not your responsibility to change their behavior, but making it impossible to send you another picture will hopefully make them get the message.
They’re trying to be as direct as possible
If a man isn’t looking for anything serious, then why not cast a wide net, send out a bunch of penis shots and see who sleeps with you first? Yeah, the odds might be 2/100, but it certainly cuts out the time of courting.
“I like to be to the point,” says Nathan, a recent grad from Cal Poly State University, San Luis Obispo. “I’m trying to get sex out of this so might as well start with the most sexual thing I can think of: my dick.”
While we definitely like it when guys are upfront and confident about what they want, getting a surprise dick picture is definitely taking it too far too fast. At least it means we can speed up the rejection process!
They think it’s sexy
For some women, dick pics can totally be a turn-on when they’re unsolicited—everyone is entitled to their own sexual preferences. But we speak for a good number of ladies when we say that the male penis is not aesthetically pleasing or a turn-on unless it’s actually being used for sex. Sorry, guys. Your penis is great, but it’s really not as sexy as you think it is.
“I like to make women feel good about themselves, and by sending them a tasteful dick pic, I’m telling her that she’s desirable and I want her. I want her to get turned on by all of it,” says Chris, a recent grad from Vassar College who basically confirmed all our assumptions that men are way overestimating their penis power the same way we overestimate how attractive we are in our duck-face selfies.
We don’t want to condemn all dick pic senders, and we aren’t saying that collectively as women we hate them either. Men, our advice to you is maybe to make them less unsolicited. It’s going to make it so much better for us if you strike up a sexy conversation first and then send it (with approval) while we’re at home and relaxed, instead of in the middle of class when we’re trying to review for a physics midterm. If a woman wants to see your dick, she’ll tell you—that we promise.
Collegiettes, take control of the situation and let him know you don’t want that, and you’d rather get to know him a different way. If he’s persistent with the cock shots, then Bye Felicia!
“A girl with goals,” responds every person after being asked what type of perfect girlfriend they want. They tend to leave out the fact they also want a girl who puts them first. In most cases, these two things don’t come together in a pretty little package. This idea of an ambitious, bad ass gal is better in theory than in reality for some people. If you want a girlfriend who’s serious about her pursuits in life and prides herself in productivity, you’ll have to have patience while she switches gears into relationship mode, one of the few things in her life that doesn’t come with a mission and deadline. This wonder woman, too, struggles with her dominating lone wolf nature when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. “It takes two” isn’t usually her motto. Here’s some things the overachiever in a relationship wishes you understood:
1. She’s got stuff to do
You wanted a girl with goals? Well lucky for you, you got one. This girl has things to do, and you have to be willing to put your pride aside and sit in the passenger seat from time to time. She's not going to text you 24/7. Don't fight with her over it; the only person she's cheating on you with is herself. “My boyfriend would always start fights with me for not texting him for a few hours,” says Liz Torrisi, a junior at Pace University, “even though he knew I was busy. It was the most unattractive thing.” If you’re this type of person, just don't even pursue a busy girl. You’re only making her more stressed. “As an overachiever myself, I have lost some relationships because guys wanted me to make them my biggest priority, if not my only priority,” explains Dr. Carole Lieberman, Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author. “It’s tough for a girl having to choose between spending time with a boyfriend or finishing up a project she’s passionate about.” She won't be able to attend every event or family function with you, either, because she probably misses her own, too. “It is a blow to their ego when a girl prefers to cozy up with her books or run for class president, instead of hanging out with them,” continues Dr. Lieberman. “Guys like to show off their successful girlfriend to others, but they want her to be available for their every whim at the same time.” She isn't an accessory or just something to show off, she's something to brag about—even better!
2. She will just never be satisfied
Even after a major accomplishment, this girl hardly ever truly feels good about herself. The initial happiness fades when she starts to ponder what she could’ve done better. This is how she is. And often times, this is hard for her significant other to accept. Just because she may not appear ecstatic after every thoughtful gesture or gift, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate it. Understand that she isn’t ungrateful or unamused, she’s just unfamiliar with quickly expressing complete satisfaction.
3. They do appreciate the little things. Actually, they need them
If you’re into the zodiac at all, you know that Capricorn women are frequently defined as the workaholic, detached type. Shortly following this description, though, is probably a tidbit about how they appreciate the simple things in life despite their complex minds. This applies to every hardworking girl; Caps are just commonly associated with the trait, and it’s always fun to explain behavioral patterns with astrology. According to New York based astrologist, Mecca Woods, “Capricorns want to succeed at love, too. She’s the kind of gal who knows what she wants and doesn’t settle until she gets it (like that job promotion). And when she finds someone she wants to be with, her goal is to build an empire with that mate.” She is so used to taking things seriously, probably wearing a poker face during most of her daily discussions, so don’t feel pressured to have serious conversations during your downtime with her. Don’t get it twisted—she respects you because you can have meaningful conversations—but she would love to talk about what kind of wallpaper you would prefer in your dream home, and she does care about how especially good your Chick-fil-A meal was today. She’ll want you to help her wind down after her busy day.
4. They need reassurance from you, too
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that men generally had lower self esteem when their female partner excelled at something, but women’s self esteem was unaffected when their male SO succeeded. Why? “Regardless of how modern a guy wants to believe he is, there are still some traditional values that are wired into us," further elaborates Dr. Lieberman, “such as the expectation that the man will be the overachieving bread-winner, and the woman will settle for some work that doesn’t take up too much time.” Please let this mindset become ancient. If you’re feeling like you’re the inferior one in the relationship who doesn’t do as much, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to provide your overachiever with reassurance that you appreciate and support her. Perhaps the worst thing you could do is become bitter. Don’t put her in the position to feel guilty. She already has a hard time loosening the firm grip she has on most aspects of her life, and probably struggles with her inability to control the fate of your relationship. So let her know it will all be okay, better yet that it will be great, and most importantly how proud you are of her. She may exude confidence but still needs to hear compliments
5. She thinks highly of you and wants the best for you
Overachievers don’t waste time – spending her time wisely has always been her strong suit. If she is even taking the time to date you to begin with, know that she thinks you’re worth it. And she’ll only want you to better yourself the way she does herself. It’s easy to be intimidated by your successful lover, but her intention is not to make you feel that way. Marcia Reynolds, author of Wander Woman, says that an overachiever’s “chronic need to rise above others can keep [her] from creating strong relationships.” She’s not trying to do that with you, though. She isn’t one to take on easy tasks, so you should be up for the challenge.
If you’re not up for the challenge, it is going to end. “I would consider myself an overachiever,” says Lola George, a junior at University of North Texas. “My ex-boyfriend was less ambitious than I was. He was content with playing video games and watching TV most of the time. I felt that he wasn’t a leader. I was continuously frustrated with him and eventually broke up with him because I wanted someone that I felt was more ambitious.” It’s just insulting to not even try.
6. When it comes down to it...
The overachiever’s relationship could likely end because their SO feels like “she doesn’t need him.” We get that you want to feel needed, because who doesn’t? If you want this self-sufficient, driven girl, though, you’re going to have to deal with the fact she isn’t relying on you for every little thing. When it comes down to it, you're right – she doesn't need you. She got herself where she is on her own, and she probably isn't going to start depending on someone else now. She wants you, though. She wants you to be there with her through everything, she wants to have fun with you, she wants to be with you. Don't expect her to beg you to stay. She won't. But she'll still cry if you go. (Before she reminds herself she's a boss, that's it.)
7. She loves you
She isn’t some robotic workaholic incapable of love. It’s about time overachieving, ambitious women stop being labeled as heartless. She can be as fun-loving and goofy as she is serious. She doesn't want to be treated any differently as a significant other, just with a tad bit more respect and understanding. If you aren't willing to try a little harder to be the romantic counterpart to the overachiever you were lucky enough to land… maybe underachiever is your type.
Being an overachiever is something your girl has probably struggled with her whole life – but let's be real, is it really even considered a struggle? She's made it this far in her life and now she just needs you to be understanding and put up with her somewhat unconventional relationship habits.
In most relationships, it’s pretty normal to be good friends with your SO. From having similar interests to never having a dull moment, most times it’s even expected and it would be weird if you weren’t friends with your love. But do you have to go farther than that? From farting in front of each other to having no other super close friends, is it a must to be best friends with your significant other? We spoke with some experts and collegiettes to figure out the pros and cons of having bae be your BFF.
According to Lesli Doares, marriage and relationship coach, it is important to be friends with your significant other because romantic love ebbs and flows. There won’t always be super romantic moments and you want to be able to stay connected on multiple levels and being friends allows for this. How you define “best friend” also matters. You should be able to count on your significant other to have your back and be your support in whatever you are facing, so if that is your definition of a best friend, then yes, your SO should be.
Abby Burns, a senior at The College of New Jersey, also agrees with this. “My boyfriend is definitely one of my best friends, and I think it’s great!” She explains that whether it’s making each other laugh or sharing similar interests, she knows that she can be comfortable around him no matter what. When you are in a relationship, you want to be with someone who you get along with and enjoy.
That’s why for Alaina Leary, a second-year graduate student at Emerson College, she put her friendship with her girlfriend above all. She said because she and her girlfriend “developed a strong foundation of friendship first,” it helped them together through difficult times. Whenever they are fighting, she puts their friendship first, “which may seem like a weird thing to say,” Alaina says, “but when I divorce romance from the equation, it makes it easier for me to see when I'm being silly or inconsiderate and realize that being together is more important than whatever dumb thing we're fighting about.”
Laura L. Ryan, family and relationship therapist, agrees that it’s important to be able to separate the two sides: friendship and love. She believes that we as a society have all of these myths about relationships and we expect our partners to be able to predict our every need, be our soulmate, have all of the same preferences, have an identical sense of humor, have the same sexual desires and understand us in a way that no one else can. In short, we as a society believe that our lovers need to be our best friend all the time. But in reality, while it is important to be best friends in one sense, it is extremely important to have a more sensual relationship as well, otherwise, it could be disastrous for your relationship.
Like Ryan says, being able to have a life outside of your relationship is important. That is why one of the major cons of being best friends with your SO is that you have no one else to turn to if something goes sour. Alaina also agrees with this. She believes that there's a lot of stigma around having your SO be your best friend and you should maintain other relationships outside your dating life. “This is super important to me, as an independent feminist,” she said. Although she loves her girlfriend very much, she never wants her to become her entire life. Being able to maintain other relationships outside of her along with all of the other things she does is crucial to her and her girlfriend’s wellbeing.
Chloe Adams, a senior at the University of Texas at San Antonio, believes there is also a downside to your SO being your BFF, if not done right. “I've definitely noticed that couples who spend 100 percent of their free time together either don't have very healthy relationships or they burn out really fast,” she says. Ryan also agrees. “I think it's important to get many of our needs met through our partner, but also to spread our needs around appropriately,” she says. “So whether that is asking a classmate to help with a problem or talking to your sister instead of your SO, you should be looking at the strengths and weaknesses of your partner and your relationship and adjust your expectations about the level of friendship accordingly.” So although your SO may be your “person,” it’s crucial to maintain other close relationships in order to keep that relationship healthy.
As most people would say, it’s expected that you are best friends with your SO to some extent. You have to trust them, talk to them about your problems, and overall, just enjoy your time with them. But you must never forget that the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. And you are not alone in that belief. According to Lindsey Cummins, CEO of Winq — a social app for millennials, 27 percent of users tell their SOs everything, BUT 89 percent say that “me time” is a must, and seeing your SO all the time is unhealthy. So as long as you maintain a healthy balance, there is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing that your SO is your person.
For most of us, love is a far-off, abstract concept. Even in a long-term, committed relationship, the existence of love can be difficult to spot. What is the difference between strong feelings and true love? Is love at first sight actually a possibility? The answer to these questions may be different for everyone. It depends on your personality, your relationship style and a multitude of other unique factors. If you have found yourself questioning whether or not you are truly in love, ask yourself if these signs apply to your relationship.
1. You totally trust your partner
All healthy relationships require a high level of trust. Whether it's just a friendship or something more, everyone wants to be able to trust the people that they are closest to in their lives. Jay Hurt, author of The 9 Tenants of a Successful Relationship, says, "Trust is extremely important in any serious relationship and definitely something that people should be aware of before deciding if they are in love or not.”
If you are unable to trust your partner with little, daily things, how can you trust them with your heart? If you are questioning whether or not you are in love, ask yourself if you would be able to really trust your partner with anything and everything. If the answer is yes, you're one step closer to being in love.
2. You and your partner have established an agreement of commitment
In today’s society, the importance of commitment is often overlooked. Hook-up culture is rampant throughout our generation and due to this infatuation, many of us rarely feel a need to settle down or define the relationship. This is totally fine if that is what you want, but it can be hard to be truly in love with someone if you aren’t committed to one another.
One student, Karen Smith*, a sophomore at the University of Florida, says that an establishment of commitment was actually a big part of her realization that she was in love with her boyfriend. “Knowing that my boyfriend was committed to only me and never having to worry about losing him to another person made me feel safe and made it easier to know that I was in love,” she says. This is a common feeling for many collegiettes, especially in an age where commitment is not that popular.
3. There is a high level of intimacy (that isn’t just sexual)
It isn’t uncommon for people to confuse sexual attraction with love. Hurt says that in order to truly have love, you must have a level of intimacy that goes further than just sexual intimacy. This intimacy is something similar to that of what you might have with your closest friends. Hurt describes this intimacy as “something that has grown the relationship even deeper.”
Non-sexual intimacy can come in many forms and thus, can be hard to identify. When you've reached a high level of intimacy with someone, you'll feel truly comfortable with them. Little things like sharing the bed or confiding in them will no longer be uncomfortable but will be a typical part of your day together. True intimacy can be found when you and your partner start to feel like one person, rather than two separate people, unattached from one another.
Related: 7 Love Mistakes to Avoid This Year
4. You find yourself wanting to share experiences with your partner, rather than alone
When you are truly in love, you will find that every experience you go through is enhanced by sharing it with your partner. Good or bad, you feel a strong desire to have them by your side, rather than explaining the event to them later.
Leah Pignataro, a junior at the University of Florida, believes that this concept definitely rings true. She says it is easy to know that you are in love “when you look forward to doing things together instead of doing it alone and telling them about it.”
Wanting to share experiences with your partner doesn’t mean that you will never need alone time — that's totally normal to need, even when you are in love. However, beginning to factor in your partner when thinking of future events and having difficulty imagining going through certain things without them is definitely a sure sign of love.
5. You feel a void when you and your partner are apart
Anyone who has ever been bitten by the love bug has been introduced to a whole new level of missing her partner. Hurt describes this voided feeling as going “beyond missing them.” He says that “you feel like they should be there.”
Realizing that you and your partner have become so close that you feel as though you are missing a part of yourself when you are not together is a sure way to know that you’re in love.
6. You have no issue being truly selfless when it comes to your relationship
Humans are selfish by nature; it's simply a fact. Even if you do selfless deeds often or strive to make the world a better place, we are designed to put our own needs first. The only thing that can really change this predisposition is the presence of love.
When you fall in love, your partner becomes just as important as yourself. When out of love, people must make sure that their needs are met on their own — no one else is responsible for making sure that you are happy. However, in a real relationship where you are both in love, both partners are getting their needs met because both are making sure that their partner is happy.
7. You seek comfort in each other
While being comfortable with your partner is certainly important, seeking them for comfort goes far beyond that. Rachel Kline, a senior at the University of Florida, says that one way she knew she was in love with her long-term boyfriend was when they both began to seek comfort in each other.
When you fall in love, your partner becomes your go-to person for nearly everything. They're the person you want to talk to when you find out exciting news, the person you want to cuddle up to after a long day and the person you want to talk our all of your problems with.
These signs are certainly not the only ways that someone can know they are in love. Love is a feeling. It's not something rational or easy to explain with facts or examples. More often than not, if you feel that you're in love, you very well are. However, if you find yourself questioning the sincerity of the love, you may want to consider these questions.
*Name has been changed.
Now that we’re getting back into the swing of things on campus, you’re probably looking for some fun, new date ideas for you and bae, right? Look no further. We’ve decided the classic dinner/movie date is way overplayed, so here are some exciting new things to try. And don’t worry—we’ve got every type of campus couple covered.
For the adventurous couple:
For you collegiettes (and baes) seeking a little thrill, here are some date ideas that won’t let you down.
Hiking (or camping, if you’re feeling super adventurous!) is an awesome way to explore the outdoors while also exploring your partner. "I've gone on a hiking date with my boyfriend and it was amazing!" says Isabel Calkins, a junior at New York University. "We got to explore just the two of us and get lost and it was truly an adventure. You really get to see a different side of someone when you are sweating and covered in mud from the wilderness." There’s something about being completely surrounded by nature that will definitely bring you closer to one another.
While the weather is still warm, why not pack some lunches and go rafting for the day? You’ll definitely make some awesome memories and will stay cool in the summer heat.
For the lay-low couple:
If you and your SO would rather keep it low-key but don’t want to Netflix and chill all the time, we understand. Here are some low-key dates that are high-key fun.
3. Quad picnic
Having a picnic on the quad is not only super romantic but also super easy! Go around dinnertime when campus isn’t as crowded and stake out your spot. If your campus isn’t dry, you can even bring a bottle of wine along!
4. Baking night
If you’re a homebody but don’t want to sit on the couch, why not embody Betty Crocker for the night? Look up some recipes on Pinterest you’ve always wanted to try and have a baking party with your SO. Cooking or baking together is a ton of fun, and you’ll have yummy treats to eat and give to your friends! [quote?]
For the wild couple:
Some of us love to drink, dance and get a little crazy. If this sounds like you and bae, here are some dates you’ll love.
5. Bar crawl
If you and your SO love to go out and party, going on a bar crawl together is a great date to try. Go with just the two of you or a group of friends—you’re bound to have an awesome night either way.
6. Dance lessons
As silly as it may sound, taking a dance class with your boyfriend or girlfriend is something you’ll always remember. Salsa, tango…the list goes on. Some universities even offer free ballroom classes! You’ll be laughing all night and, hey, you’ll be the best-looking ones the next time you go out.
For the old-school couple:
If you’re a fan of tradition and want a romantic night with your SO, here’s an idea you’ll love.
Stargazing has been a great date for centuries—and for good reason. There’s nothing quite like laying under the beautiful night sky with the one you love next to you. Bring a portable speaker, or simply listen to the sounds of the night. You’ll never want to leave that spot.
8. Drive-in movies
What’s more romantic than an evening at the drive-in? "My favorite date of all time is going to the drive-in," says Shelly Adams, a junior at Shenandoah University. "We back my pick-up truck into the spot, lay an old mattress pad down in the bed and cuddle under blankets. It's super sweet, and a really intimate way to watch a movie because you can talk while the film is showing and no one can hear you. It's super cheap and super fun; I never miss a chance to go!" Grab some snacks, put the back seat down and cuddle up for a movie (or two).
Whether you and your SO are looking for an adventure or a quiet night together, one of these date ideas is bound to fulfill your needs. Don’t let the typical college dates bog you down—there are a ton of new, exciting dates for you to go on this year!
Obviously, a true power couple is defined by their creative Halloween costume. You and your SO want to match for that annual Halloween party, but it's difficult to find a look that's sexy, funny, scary, clever, cute and recognizable all at the same time. You need an outfit that captures your relationship while making some sort of powerful statement about what you care about—what do you choose? Take our quiz and find out who you and your SO should be this October.