If you know me, you know I’m single. It’s just part of who I am. In fact, the other day at my cousin’s wedding, one of my relatives asked if there’s “anyone special” in my life. Before I could even answer, another relative chimed in and said, “Oh, you know Hannah. She’s dating her books.”

I couldn’t even bring myself to be offended by that because it’s so incredibly true. I realized, maybe I should put myself out there a little bit. Try dating, just to see if anything happens. So, naturally, I turned to my 15-year-old brother for advice.

Now, if you know me, you know my brother’s the last person to whom I would usually turn for dating advice. Actually, if you know me, this is the point where you’re probably saying, “Wait, she has a brother?” Yes, I have a brother. His name is Sam and he’s a sophomore in high school and you haven’t heard of him because he’s always either working out for soccer or doing recreational math, so he doesn’t have much time for me. Rumor has it he’s pretty suave with the ladies, though. (Okay, I 100% made that up.) Regardless, he was thrilled to be my love doctor, as is evidenced by this text message:

Step 1: Meeting someone

In order to fall in love with someone, you have to find someone to fall in love with. I go to a school with almost 50,000 students. It should be easy enough to find someone, right?

Sam’s suggestion: “Comment on Michigan’s page on ESPN that you’re looking for a date.”

I was not thrilled about this idea, because ESPN requires you to use your Facebook when commenting, meaning everyone who checked the page would see not only my comment, but also my first name, last name, and profile picture. But, what can I say, I guess I’m a fool for love.

Sam told me to add some personal characteristics, so I replied to my comment, “I’m a mediocre height, usually wear my hair in a bun, vegan.” Unfortunately, even this didn’t do the trick. Nobody replied to my comment to ask me out. Nobody even liked it. And we ended up losing to Penn State. Absolute heartbreaker, all around.

Step 2: Learn to play 2K

Obviously, the second step in every relationship (after meeting the boy) is playing 2K with them. If you didn’t know that, then that’s probably the cause of all your relationship problems. Sam made it clear: “Learn how to play 2K and FIFA and throw around a few names and act like you know what you’re talking about. Never call it NBA 2K. That’s weird. It’s just 2K.”

I took this deep advice to heart, and decided to call upon my closest friends for help. “I need someone to teach me how to play 2K for an article,” I said in our Snapchat group chat. I should have known better. The trash talking ensued immediately. Who’s the best at 2K? Who’s the most worthy of teaching me?

The trash talking continued for what felt like days, and nobody ever did teach me how to play 2K. Thanks, boys. You’re the reason I’m single.

Step 3: Go on a date

Because of the failure of the first two steps, when Sam gave me advice for an actual date, I didn’t have anyone who I could actually treat to a date night. Luckily, though, I have four wonderful roommates. So, naturally, I texted my roomie group message and I asked if anyone wanted to eat a romantic candlelight dinner with me. Lili hit me with the “I think you’re a nice girl but I’m really not looking for anything right now.” Allison just said, “Please don’t light all the candles because with the number of candles we have, that will look more like a cult ritual than a romantic dinner.” But Isabella and Shannon were in. I had my dates. I quickly had Sam text me all the details of what I needed for an A+ date night.

Food: On my way home Monday night (date night!), I stopped to pick up our food. Unfortunately, upon looking at my bank account balance, I realized that pizza would not be an option (note to self: can I even afford a relationship??). I did, however, like his suggestion of chips and guac. I even made a stop at Chipotle to pick them up.

The reactions to the chips and guac were okay:

Isabella: I really like these appetizers.
Me: Those aren’t appetizers. Those are the meal.
Shannon: Hannah, you need to remember that you’re trying to wow two girls who just got out of very serious relationships.
Isabella: And, honestly, it’s working.

Sam also said to put some fruit on the table, but we didn’t have any fruit, so I poured them some mango fruit punch. This was an absolute hit until they realized it wasn’t white wine (at which point they asked, “Wait, we’re drinking chasers?”).

Music: I stuck with Justin Bieber’s Christmas music. This was definitely a solid choice, and I really impressed them with my ability to rap every line of the Busta Rhymes part from “Drummer Boy.” 10/10 will remember to do that next time I’m on a date (IF and ONLY IF I’m okay with the guy falling in love with me on the spot).

Conversation: Sam gave me a list of questions to ask so that I would seem cool but also get to learn a lot about who my dates are as people.

Me: Who’s gonna make it to the NBA finals?
Shannon: Wait...that’s basketball, right?
Me: Yes.
Shannon: Okay, just wanted to make sure it wasn’t baseball. What’s baseball again? PGA?
Me: No, PGA’s golf. Baseball is the MLB.
Isabella: Modern Languages Building?
Shannon: No, baseball.
Isabella: Oh, well, anyway, the winner at basketball is gonna be LeBron James.

Clearly this conversation starter wasn’t the smartest move on Sam’s part. But then again, if I were dating a guy, maybe it would have worked out a little better. Maybe he had assumed I wasn’t going to be dating my roomies.

Me: Is Jordan the GOAT?
Isabella: Jordan who?
Shannon: Yeah, is he that quarterback you told me about?
Me: No, Michael Jordan.
Shannon: Oh. No, Michael Jordan’s not the GOAT. Michael Phelps is.

0 for 2 on the questions, Sam. Luckily, third time’s the charm.

“Is Drake better than Kanye?” I asked. This one stirred some real conversation. Shannon said that you have to respect Kanye because he’s built such an empire, but Isabella argued that Drake is more talented. The conversation continued for some time. Make a note of that one. Drake versus Kanye is a solid conversation starter.

Overall, here is my summary of taking dating advice from my brother: I am still single and I still don’t know how to play 2K. To any of my ladies out there who are looking for that ~special someone~ I highly recommend that you do not consult your 15-year-older brother. Might I suggest Bumble? You’ll thank me later.

Arguments are tricky business, especially in relationships. When you argue with a SO, it can sometimes be easily resolved and you can feel good about what you two gained from the argument. However, some arguments make you question the person you’re with and how they reacted to you or a situation. This is when you might start to consider if this was just another argument or if this is indicative of a larger problem, a problem that is inevitably a deal-breaker. Luckily, we’ve consulted with a couple collegiettes and Kim Olver, a licensed professional counselor, board certified coach, and author of the book Secrets of Happy Couples and upcoming book Choosing Me Now, on how to tell whether it’s a normal argument or something to be more concerned about.

“In every relationship, you always have at least three choices – you can change it, accept it or leave it,” Olver says. “When you are in a committed relationship, I recommend saving leaving for your last resort unless you are experiencing physical abuse, in which case your safety is of paramount importance. If not, try changing and accepting first.” With that in mind, here are some ways to tell if it’s just an argument or if it’s the end of your relationship.

It’s just an argument if…

1. You guys are making little things into big things

Check yourself and your SO to make sure you guys aren’t making something out of nothing.

“If it's an argument about little things that can be fixed or aren't really a big issue, then I think maybe fix the argument and try changing the little annoying things first before calling it quits,” Gabriella Catano-Salinas, a senior at Florida International University, says.

2. You’re SO’s intentions aren’t to hurt you

Between talking to Olver and some collegiettes, it seems that there is a shared sentiment that an argument shouldn’t end your relationship, unless it’s absolutely necessary. One of the keys to figuring out if it’s really just an argument is determining your SO’s intention.

3. You’re trying to change your SO

“When you are in a relationship, it is important to remember that your partner is doing whatever he (or she) is doing to get his (or her) needs met,” Olver says. “It isn't likely (your partner’s) end goal is to hurt you or piss you off. If you can accept that everyone, including you, is supposed to meet their own needs, then you can be more accepting of what people choose to do to meet yours.”

Sometimes we end up in arguments with our SO because there is something that bothers us about them that we want to change, but Olver recommends trying to change yourself before trying to change your partner.

“With changing it, often our go-to behavior is trying to change the other person to match the picture of what we really want or what we know this person is capable of becoming, Olver says. “The problem with that approach is that you are holding someone responsible to meeting your expectations instead of accepting who they actually are… Adjusting yourself is not easy but it's infinitely easier than trying to change your partner. This works well as long as you are not compromising your values and principles.”

So then, how do you know if an argument spells the end for you and your SO?

Related: 5 Ways to Overcome a Rough Patch in Your Relationship

It could be the end of your relationship if…

1. You’ve had this argument before

Few things are as frustrating as having the same argument with someone over and over. And. Over. Especially when that someone is your SO, it’s easy to feel dismissed or like they don’t hear you. If you find yourself in this predicament, it might be time to consider moving on.

“I think if it is an argument that has repeatedly happened and no change has been made, then it may be the end of the relationship,” Gabriella says. “There are only so many chances one can give.” When you and your SO are having the same argument over and over, Olver says that what you’re actually doing is trying to change them, which is an unhealthy habit to be in.

“Ask yourself if your partner never changes, would you still want to be in relationship with him or her,” Olver says. “If the answer is yes, then let it go, stop arguing and accept your partner for who they are. If the answer is no, I agree, it’s time for a breakup.”

2. You’re seeing qualities in your SO that are deal-breakers

An argument can tell you a lot about your SO. It can reveal qualities in that person that you hadn’t seen before or now realize you don’t like.

“To me, an argument is only the end of your relationship if you allow it to be, or if the argument is solved but it reveals qualities in your partner that you can't deal with anymore,” Morgan Mullings, a sophomore at St. John’s University, says. “If it does reveal things in your SO, like qualities that are a deal-breaker for you, it's honestly okay to break up. And then you can be thankful that you had that argument, or you would've never known!” If you genuinely are concerned about how you were treated during the argument or the way your SO acted while you were arguing, that in and of itself can be a deal-breaker. It might be time to call it quits then.

3. You’re changing for your SO in an unhealthy way

Change can be a good thing. But if you’re changing because your partner wants you to, you need to reevaluate.

“If the only reason she is trying to change is to please her partner, this is a mistake and she should either stop or walk away,” Olver says. So if you like you, but your partner is insistent that you change for some reason that you don’t agree with, this is a red flag.

At the end of the day, you’ll know when you need to move on. So trust yourself and your instinct that you know what’s best for you both in and out of your relationship. And if you’ve had an argument with your SO that you feel uneasy about, talk to them first. Olver says if you’re in a healthy, serious relationship, leaving should be your last option. But if your SO wants you to change in a way you are uncomfortable with, you see qualities in them you can’t get past or you guys keep having the same argument, then it is probably time to consider going your separate ways.

All couples experience struggles in their relationship from time to time. It doesn’t matter if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, got married young, believe in abstinence until marriage, or have a “picture perfect” relationship, you can understand that all relationships need to be filled with love and respect in order to last.

Even though it’s 2016 and people have made significant steps toward accepting relationships of all kinds, interracial couples still experience struggles that outsiders can’t relate to. We’ve talked to an expert and college students who've been in interracial relationships to explain a few of these struggles as well as ways to deal with them.

1. Not understanding each other’s culture

Many American millennials tend to have an understanding, or at least an awareness, about different cultures. After all, we are the “melting pot” of the world. When it comes to dating someone from a different background, this can be difficult in terms of not understanding certain cultural traditions.

Matthew Powers, a senior at Emmanuel College, puts a positive spin on explaining why this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. “Interracial relationships are a lot more special than regular relationships because they give you the opportunity to be exposed to a culture that you may be entirely unfamiliar with,” he says. “In dating my girlfriend I was exposed to foods I might’ve been too nervous to try otherwise as well as a new type of family style eating.”

Food is one factor that can arise when dating someone with a different cultural background, but it goes way beyond that too. Matthew further explains, “We didn’t always understand each other’s backgrounds, for instance, her family was Buddhist and mine was Catholic. The first time she came to my house and saw crucifixes hanging from the walls, she was very confused.” He continues, “Similarly there were times when I went to her house and there would be food set out on tables as gifts for her ancestors, and I was shocked to learn that this was a ritual of her religion.”

From religion to food preferences, there’s a lot you can learn in an interracial relationship. Just be sure to keep an open mind, especially if it’s for someone you love.

Related: How I Balance My Sexuality and Religion

2. Dealing with negative public perception

This particular struggle really pulls at the heartstrings.

Jeffrey Smith Jr., the Director of Multicultural Programs at Emmanuel College, shares his professional insight on how interracial couples are perceived by others. “Despite the fact that multiracial and multiethnic relationships and families are becoming more common, many people still refuse to support people entering relationships with someone outside of their race,” he says. “Many couples choose not to respond to negative comments while other couples choose to confront aggressive language and behavior from people who disapprove. In an America where racist, sexist and homophobic language appears to be surging, many couples grapple with the decision to ignore the hate or confront it.”

Every couple deserves to feel safe in their environment. Our country would not be nearly as beautiful if we were all the same. We must all do our part to spread love while educating those with hate in their hearts on the importance of diversity.

3. Dealing with unaccepting families

Fitting in with a new family can definitely be a difficult task. This can be even more stressful if your SO’s family isn’t fully comfortable with your relationship.

Michelle*, a senior at Bishop’s University, shares insight from her interracial relationship. “Both of us come from backgrounds that are not as accepting of different races as ‘husband’ or ‘wife’ material,” she explains. “I have personally decided to keep my relationship private from my family. Like anything you struggle with personally, a family divide because of differences in opinion can have a big impact, so I've decided when I'm ready to tell them I will.”

Families tend to have a great influence over relationships. Smith shares more advice on what to do in these situations. “I believe it’s important for people to seek support and understanding from their family,” he says. “It’s important to challenge disapproving family members about their bias. If they absolutely refuse to accept your relationship, as painful as it can be to disconnect from family, consider maintaining some distance if you think your relationship is worth fighting for.”

As much as your family is important to you, be sure to put your personal values first once you are confident in what they are.

4. Feeling out of your comfort zone

Negative public perceptions and even family remarks can cause relationships to waiver depending on each partner’s personal comfort zone. This could mean one partner is more comfortable being affection in public while the other may not feel safe to act this way.

Michelle elaborates further on her relationship’s comfort zone. “We are both extremely open about being together in places we are both comfortable, like on campus, but when traveling to a new place where we aren't sure how we will be perceived can be hard,” she shares. “As we see how people react to us simply holding hands, we can soon tell if we will be welcomed as a couple or not.”

She concludes with advice that should be considered by everyone, in any type of relationship. “We both understand that people have their own views but as long as we are happy and comfortable in our relationship that's all that matters." We couldn’t agree more.

You should never have to feel ashamed of who you are or who you love. People may not always understand each other, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be accepting. With everything going on in our country right now, the last thing we need is to fuel the fire with hate. Hate doesn’t solve anything. Be kind to others, embrace their differences, and never be afraid to live authentically.

*Name has been changed

Some people call sex “making love,” but sometimes – a lot of the time – you don’t love the person you’re hooking up with, you might even hate them. That’s where hate sex, or sex with someone you’re not exactly fond of, comes in. In an ideal world, maybe we’d all have sex exclusively with people we like, but the world is a big place, and sometimes there are just people we don’t like. But liking someone’s personality and sexual attraction don’t always go hand-in-hand, and sometimes a girls gotta just give in, but does giving in have repercussions, emotionally and physically speaking? After all, sex is sex, right? Right?

Pros

The big-O

It’s not like orgasms always hinge on your feelings for the person. Emotions are an important part of sexual experiences, but sex itself is also physical act, and not everyone has to feel all warm and fuzzy about someone in order to feel good having sex, i.e. orgasms.

A potential new SO

You never know what you’ll learn when you have sex. First impressions say a lot about a person, but snap judgments can also be wrong. There’s a chance you choose to sleep with someone you think is a total d-bag, but then somewhere along the line you realize you may have made a mistake.

“I once had hate sex with this douchey guy I had a class with because I think I wanted to prove that he wasn’t as hot as he thought he was but then his whole attitude changed,” Marisa Pieper, Arizona State University ’20, says. “He started being super nice to me, wanting to take me out on dates and we ended up being together for about a year! I definitely wouldn’t recommend using hate-sex as a flirting technique but it was pretty funny that that’s how it ended up.”

Not saying you should be that girl that tries to change bad guys into good ones, but sometimes once you get to know someone you might realize they’re not as bad as you initially thought. And sex is definitely one way to get to know someone.

Passion

As long as you’re okay with casual sex, hooking up with someone all seen rom-coms where a huge argument leads to *steamy* sex, and if hate sex is half as good as they make it look in the movies, giving it a try might not be so bad. Honestly, it’s probably more likely hate sex pans out than trying to make our love life like a Nicholas Sparks movie.

“There's something about releasing your anger when your having sex with someone you hate. It's passionate and just hotter,” senior Christina* says. “Then you can go away afterward with no feelings.”

Cons

Long term benefit might be less likely

Some people do not mind having totally casual sex, no strings attached. Others enjoy sex because of the physical and emotional connection and the potential that it will make you closer with said person. "I’m not really at the point yet where I can sleep with someone without hoping something comes of it. Anyone I have sex with I am genuinely interested in to some degree," Wren*, a senior from the University of Notre Dame says. "I don’t think I’d really get anything out of it if I f***ed someone just because I thought they were hot, especially if they were someone whose intentions are to just hit it and quit it." 

Related: 8 Signs They’re Not Looking for a Relationship

Pleasing the person you hate

Even if you enjoy the sex and are totally down for it, this person you don’t like also probably enjoyed the sex. It might be petty to not want them to enjoy it, but hey, no one’s perfect. Also, if whomever you’re sleeping with genuinely isn’t a good person, why should they get the satisfaction of sex with you?

“I hooked up with an ex who treated me like s***,” Kristen* from Mizzou says. “Looking back, that was dumb.”

Just something to think about. 

The chance that you’re not going to be satisfied

If the person you’re sleeping with doesn’t like you either, they might not even care if you leave the experience together thoroughly pleased. Sometimes it’s hard for girls to have an orgasm, so if they couldn’t care less about your needs (maybe justifiably since you don’t like them either) they might just call it quits when they’ve gotten what they came for.

Emotional carnage

Depending on who you’re sleeping with and who your as a person, the fact that you dislike them might make you feel a little empty at the end of the experience. Even Christina*, who said she’s had good hate sex, admitted she doesn’t always feel great afterwards. “There have been a couple of times where I cried to be honest because I was kind of mad at myself for giving the guy what he wanted,” she says.

Should every girl try out hate sex? Probably not. But if you’re emotionally prepared, wanting to try something new in your sex life, and really and truly okay with it, give it a go.   

Two months, one week and three days. That’s exactly how long we were––well, whatever we were. But it doesn’t mean I cried any less when he told me he didn’t think we would work. A label may determine what the world sees, but it doesn’t affect what youalready see and feel, what you hope for.

The relationship (and I use that term loosely) may not have lasted very long, but the connection was real and I deserve time to get over it. In fact, I’m still getting over it, and that’s okay too.

After starting my career in a new (and lonely) city, I pretty much accepted the idea that I would be single forever. Melodramatic, I know, but with an intense schedule and constant need to feel productive, I didn’t think the stars would ever align. I accepted that I was a “career woman,” and my 20s would be spent climbing the ranks and having wine nights with my girlfriends.

Then I met him.

He was charming, whip-smart, worldly, chivalrous and had the perfect amount of scruff. On our first date, I said something along the likes of  “I could drown in your eyes,” and I’m still embarrassed about it TBH. He made me swoon and I didn't resist it. I’m the first to admit that I fell hard and fast. 

Related: 5 Ways to Let Go of a Relationship That Ended Before it Started

One date turned into seeing each other nearly every night, and right when I thought we were going to become “official,” he told me we had to end. He mentioned moving for a promotion, but I didn’t think it was anything we couldn’t make work. He would only be a few hours away and we could see each other on weekends, so I thought. But he didn’t want to make it work and that’s what hurts the most––the idea that I wasn’t worth the effort. This "situationship" triggered many unhealthy thoughts. I buried negative feelings about my worth and ability to be loved where I thought they couldn’t find me, and this person walked away and turned the lights on in my darkest place.

It’s okay to want to share your life with someone and let your walls down to let them in. It’s also okay for them (and you) to walk away because love is a choice. And it’s perfectly okay to cry about it, to mourn the loss of what you thought would be. What’s not okay is talking down to yourself or feeling like you’re not worth a relationship because one person doesn’t want one with you. You are worth it, and I am too.

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Trying to figure out if a guy is interested in you can lead you down a confusing road. Sure, you could just flat out ask, but that takes away the fun of finding out if he’s crushing on you back. It can also be a frustrating process; especially if you don’t think he’s making his intentions very clear. Sure he’s flirting with you, but that could also just be his personality. If you think the movie He’s Just Not That Into You describes your life, you might be surprised to find out that these signs are right in front of you.

Adam LoDolce, love expert and founder of SexyConfidence.com, a website where he helps the 21st century woman create a love life she loves, weighs in on the signs you may be missing!

1. He always “likes” your social media posts

Everyone gets excited when the guy they are crushing on likes their tweet, but usually it doesn’t mean much of anything—unless he’s doing it all the time. “If he likes all your Facebook posts that could be a sign he’s interested,” says LoDolce. If you’re continuously seeing his name under the likes on your social media, no matter what the post is about, it’s safe to say he’s taking a real interest in you. It might not set off any warning signs when you see his name in a list of Instagram likes, but it can actually mean he’s taking the time to keep up with your posts on a regular basis to learn more about you.

Related: 5 Signs He Wants to Be Your Boyfriend

2. He gets closer to your friends

Making the effort to get to know your circle of friends is a major signal that he is interested. “Becoming friends with your friends means that he’s trying to get closer to you and win the approval of those in your life,” says LoDolce. If you’re always together in a group setting it can be easy to miss this sign, so really pay attention to how he interacts with your friends. If he’s really taking the time to get to know them then he’s probably doing it so he has the opportunity to get to know you better as well.

3. He tries to act cool

Some guys might act nervous around a girl they like, but other guys might even come off as a little bit cocky. This doesn’t mean that they are like that all the time; instead it could mean that they are trying to impress you. “He always acted different around me than he did with our other friends,” says Jessie Young, a sophomore at New York University. “I could tell he was making more of an effort to come off as cool whenever I was around.” Don’t jump to conclusions when a guy shows you a new side of himself—there could be deeper meaning behind it!

4. His friends are in on it

If a guy is interested in a girl, he’s probably confided in his friends about it. If you start to notice his friends talking him up or trying to get you guys together, that’s a pretty telling sign that he has feelings for you. “I was at a party and his friends keep telling me all these funny stories about him and talking about how great of a guy he is,” says Elizabeth Darrah, a senior at Rutgers University. “I got the vibe that his friends were trying to hint that he was interested in me.” Pay attention to how his friends not only interact with you, but how they talk about him as well.

5. He asks a lot of questions

He can only ask you about your schedule so many times before things start becoming suspicious. “Asking meaningless questions is another sign, and proves he’s just looking for a reason to talk to you,” says LoDolce. It may seem like he’s just making conversation, but if you pay attention to the types of questions he is asking you might be able to catch on to his plan. If the questions get repetitive, he may be running out of ideas to get your attention—so take note!

Of course there are the obvious signs of flirting, but it’s the more subtle things that can really show just how interested he is. Instead of only looking for things like body language or playful teasing, start paying attention to other things he’s doing. If you take the time to notice these signs, you’ll be able to put together the pieces and confidently make your move—or at least let him know you’re interested in him, too!

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Dating in college can be tough, so being in a long-term relationship is a rarity. For those who are lucky enough to be in a relationship, sex, no matter how much you’re having, is important. The longer you are in a relationship, the more ways that sex in that relationship changes. Carole Lieberman, M.D., a psychiatrist and author in Beverly Hills, notes that there can be both positive and negative changes. “Some changes may bring you closer together, and some may send you looking for new excitement,” she says. Here are just some of the ways your sex life changes the longer you are with someone.

1. You learn to communicate 

Sex may be a natural instinct, but good sex is all about communication. You'll learn what your partner likes once you guys can talk about it. At least, that's what Sarah*, a graduate student at Temple University, thinks. She's been hooking up with the same guy for a year and knows how important it is to be vocal.

“If you're always doing missionary and it's not fun for you, let them know,” she says. “There's a ton of positions to try and sometimes it can be fun figuring out what works for you and your partner.” The longer you are with someone, the better you get to know them, emotionally and physically.

2. You learn what you like

If you’re not into self-pleasure, you might not know exactly what you enjoy in bed. At least, not everything you like or don’t like. The longer you’re with your partner, the more you’ll learn what makes you tick. This learning curve is partly because you’re with someone who makes you comfortable, but also because there’s less pressure for both of you.

Karen*, a junior at the University of South Carolina, agrees. “There’s definitely less pressure, which doesn’t only make it more fun, but it also gives you the chance to get a little ~crazy~ and even be a little selfish when it comes to getting what you want out of sex,” she says. That familiarity and comfort you have with your partner will make you feel more willing to explore.

3. You get more confident

Now that you know what you like and what your partner likes, you’re more likely to be confident in the bedroom — Demi Lovato — level Confident. Karen loves that there is less stress when you've had sex together for a while. “When you first start out with a person there’s a lot more self-consciousness and more pressure to be ‘good,’” she says.

4. You may get bored

Over time, boredom can creep up on you and your partner in the bedroom. This is especially true if you keep doing the same thing over and over. Jessica*, a sohpomore at SUNY Fredonia, doesn't deny that sex can be boring. Her recommendation: Take a break. Isn’t there a saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder?

Whether you are in a committed relationship or just having a purely sexual relationship, keeping things interesting will get you out of a sexual rut. Dr. Lieberman recommends introducing new positions, locations or even sex toys. Obviously, you should never do something you are uncomfortable with, but trying out something unfamiliar could make sex less ordinary.

Related: 5 Conversations You Ned to Have Before Sex

Ordinary sex comes with the territory of long-term relationships. But there are still good things that come with time! The longer you’re with someone, the more you learn about their body, your body, what you like and what you hate. This all comes with an overall confidence boost. There are lulls, but that gives you the chance to switch things up with your SO. Knowing about these changes beforehand could make you more confident in the bedroom now —  AKA a win-win for both you and your partner.

*Name has been changed

By Phoebe McGowan

My whole adolescence I wanted a boyfriend. I was boy crazy, searching for my true love. Finally, during the second semester of my senior year of high school, I got what I wanted. He was cute and sweet––a perfect first boyfriend that you can make all your mistakes with and be glad that it taught you so much.

Still, he was a year younger than me, and while we liked each other oh-so very much, we thought the idea of long-distance was silly. The summer before I left Milwaukee for St. Paul, he and I talked about how ridiculous it was to think long-distance was possible. We laughed at other couples' naivety. Neither of us explicitly said that we did not want to try long-distance, but it was clear we both thought those kinds of relationships were pointless. Fast forward to the day I left. We continued to make plans to see each other once a month, and that year ended up being my first time experiencing long-distance. 

Despite not being able to see each other as much, our relationship grew and we fell in love. While some warning signs of toxicity in the relationship bubbled up, we were very happy that year. But I was ready for long-distance to be over.

The question of where he would be going to college the following year gave me a lot of anxiety. I didn’t want to lose him, but he really wanted to do a gap year in Germany. I wasn’t very supportive in this goal of his, and when he didn’t get accepted into the program I tried to persuade him to come to Minnesota. He decided to go to the University of St. Thomas, and I was so excited. We’d never have to say goodbye again! How wrong I was. He ended up resenting me and broke up with me in the first two weeks of the semester. I was heartbroken and spent the year experiencing a melancholy I had never known. We went on and off that entire year, before finally called it quits in April 2016.

That summer I went home and was afraid for what was to come. But I had someone in mind back home that I hoped I’d be able to have some summer fun with––which lead me to my second and current long-distance relationship. Steve* was someone I had had deep feelings for before I got together with my last boyfriend. We have been best friends since high school, but had never been in the same mindset to get together, and ended up dating other people. Within a week, we had kissed and talked about what we wanted. The summer went on and we thoroughly enjoyed spending time together, and then I went to England and missed him incredibly. I was calling him my boyfriend by the time I got back.

We have been long-distance for a year now. I go back for winter and summer break, and he visits me whenever he can. This relationship is so different from my last because we FaceTime often and show each other what we’re doing on Snapchat. This makes it easier to feel close but it is still quite torturous being far away.

I definitely didn’t plan on doing long-distance even once, and certainly not twice...but I don’t want to be with anyone else. We are in a very healthy and loving relationship, and I expect it will last a long time. I see this time apart as a chance to get to know myself, to be alone during my college experience, and to take back the year I spent being on-and-off with someone who was wrong for me. I’m a senior now, and I don’t know where I’ll be next year. I hope it will be somewhere near Steve, but if not, we will work something out. He’s worth the wait. 

*Name has been changed 

Chances are you're probably going to be single at some point in your life. Maybe it will be ten years from now. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Or maybe you’ve been single your whole life! And while being single has its perks (read: you get to do what you want, when you want), sometimes feelings of loneliness can creep in. We’re all vulnerable to these feelings, especially in today’s hyper-connected world, so what can you do to keep the loneliness at bay? 

The first step is to identify where these feelings of loneliness are coming from. According to filmmaker and founder/executive director of MediaGirls, Michelle Cove, loneliness is simply part of the human experience. As normal as this is, Cove points out that there is “a shame or a stigma attached to it.” While we all at some point feel lonely, we very rarely tell our friends and family, “Hey, I’m feeling a little lonely right now.”

These feelings of loneliness are surprisingly not exclusive to those who are single; those in relationships can feel lonely too! Cove says the biggest mistake single people can make is thinking that those in relationships are not lonely. “[Loneliness] comes to everyone and is not the enemy," she says. So, next time you see a couple, don’t assume that they aren’t feeling the same way as you.

Even though we all feel lonely at times, some of us do feel much lonelier than others. But what’s the biggest reason for this? Cove says that social media is a big factor. When you are scrolling through your Instagram feed and see all of your coupled friends sharing anniversary posts, or even your single friends traveling the world, the feelings of loneliness can ramp up again. So how can you handle this? One of the best solutions is to just sit with your feelings. “[One solution is to] just sit with it, don’t dwell, but feel it and see if it will move through you," she says. If the feelings are still present after a while, try to spend some time with people who are genuine and authentic; they can help you feel better.

Zoe Hawryluk, a junior at Boston University, seconds this advice. “I’ve learned to find and seek mental and emotional fulfillment from my close friends rather than from a significant other,” Zoe says. It can be very cathartic to sit a share your feelings with close friends! If you’re not up for socializing, Cove says watching your favorite comedy (and laughing along) on Netflix can also be a great way to cope! However, it is important to consider how often you are experiencing these feelings. If your feelings of loneliness are chronic, and you feel like you can’t move past them, it could be worthwhile to find a professional to talk to, to get to the cause of your feelings.

So, if you are single, and have accepted that loneliness is a part of life, what do you have to look forward to? According to Stephanie Murray, a junior at the Savannah College of Art and Design, being single is a great way to learn more about yourself. “Sometimes [being single]’s full of exotic adventures and finding new hobbies you never thought you’d like,” she says. “I believe everyone should have a period of extended singleness or loneliness, so they can evaluate themselves and make mental notes of what they want from a partner and what they offer as a partner.” Being single means you only have to accommodate your schedule, which means you can go to that yoga class you love or attend an author event at your favorite local bookstore, without having to worry about pleasing anyone else. You’ll learn new things about what you like and don’t like, and, if other people attend the event, you may even make some new friends!

Zoe also says that one of the benefits of being single is all of the extra resources you have: “You have more time and money to treat yourself and to spend time with the people who truly love you and would never leave you.” Being single is a great excuse to treat yourself and your closest friends to a fancy dinner or a movie night!

Related: 12 Reasons Why Being Single When You Start College is the Best 

One of the most important things for people – especially those in relationships – to remember is not to pity those who are single. Sometimes, people make a conscious choice to be single. Whether they are avoiding relationships because they are too busy or need some time to themselves after a rough relationship, there is no reason to pity someone who is single.

Sabrina Araullo, a senior at Montclair State University, thinks that being single is a time for personal growth that will only make you stronger in the future. “Being in a relationship should not, by any means, be your target end destination,” Sabrina says. “However, when the right time comes for you to be in a relationship, you'll be able to approach it in a way that sees both you and your significant other as, not completing each other or defining who you are, but complimenting each other and allowing yourself to experience a new type of personal growth.” So, single ladies, embrace the time you have to yourself, it will only make you stronger!

Related: 9 Times When Being Single is the Best

What should you take away? First, there is nothing wrong with being lonely. Our society tries to stigmatize these feelings of loneliness, when we should be normalizing them. Don’t feel ashamed of being single or feeling lonely. Go to the movies solo. Bring a book and go to a fancy restaurant by yourself.  Loneliness and being single is a great way to learn about yourself, and become the best possible version of you!

If you’ve decided to study abroad, you’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. But if you have an SO, you may be feeling anxious about what’s going to happen to your relationship. Let it be known that staying with your SO while you’re abroad isn’t for everyone. But if you do decide to stay together, there are some things you’ll need to know in order to keep the spark alive when you're apart for a semester or longer. We’ve talked to collegiettes with experience to let you in on ways to maintain your relationship while you’re studying abroad.

1. Define the relationship

Before you leave, it’s absolutely crucial to define the relationship. If you’ve been dating for a while, it’s still important to have a conversation about what your boundaries are and where the two of you stand for the semester (or however long you’re abroad). “My boyfriend and I were together for a really long time before we actually made anything official,” says Lauren*, a junior at the University of Denver. “It wasn’t until a little bit before abroad that I actually brought it up because I didn’t want to leave and have no clue where we stood even though we spent most of our time together.” Lauren and her boyfriend decided to stay together — but it’s okay to take a break too! If you think having an SO is going to hinder your experience, see how they feel about an open relationship or let them know you want to be single while you’re abroad.

2. Make a plan

If you’ve decided you want to stay with your SO, it’s important to establish a plan for when you’ll be able to talk to each other. Are you okay with not talking every day? Would a simple goodnight text do the trick? Especially with time differences, it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page. “Given the time difference (he’s in Colorado and I’m in Sweden, so I am 8 hours ahead), we have a very limited time to talk throughout the day, which is probably the most difficult part because I’m missing out on the majority of his day, and vice versa,” Lauren says. “We try to FaceTime once a week, which is the best time to actually catch up and talk, but I can’t deny that only being able to really talk to him once a week is one of the most annoying things.” Even though Lauren wishes she could talk to her boyfriend more, FaceTiming him once a week gives her a chance to see him and let him know how she’s doing (and vice versa). Nicole Kelly, a senior at Bryant University, also scheduled a time to Skype her boyfriend at least once a week while she was studying abroad in China. "It made it easier to get through the week because we knew that regardless of the time difference and busy schedules, we would always have time dedicated to catching up," she says. Figure out a time that works for both of you, and try to stick to it!

Related: Should You Stay With Your BF When You Study Abroad? (& How to Make it Work)

3. Communicate

This may seem like an obvious one, but it’s critical to communicate with your SO and let them know if your feelings are starting to change. “While you do not have to talk every single day, staying open with your partner is important,” says Isabel Calkins, a junior at New York University. “If at any point you are starting to stray from your feelings, you have to be open about it. It will take work to maintain the relationship but as long as you know that where you are is temporary, things are going to be okay if you want them to be.” Keeping an open line of communication will help keep each of you satisfied, as Lauren has experienced. She’ll sometimes “just ask to FaceTime that night or ask him to give me just a little more attention throughout the week,” she says. If you need to scream into a pillow or have a small crying session, that’s okay too. This isn’t something easy!

4. Remember it’s temporary

If you’re having a mini-breakdown or wondering how you could possibly go on like this, remember that it isn’t forever! “I guess there’s no perfect way to handle a long distance relationship during abroad, but I always remind myself that it’s only temporary, and things will be back to the way they were once I return to the states,” Lauren says. With this mindset, you’ll be able to enjoy what you’re doing in the present (which is so important!) and know you have only a few months before you’re back with your SO. It’s definitely a different ball game if you’re overseas, but with hard work, you can get through it.

5. Find a way to stay connected

Even if you're thousands of miles away, you can find ways to stay connected. Mailing letters (so much more romantic than texts!) and care packages will bring a smile to your SO's face and let them know you're thinking about them. It's also a great way to share what you're doing with the other person (send them something cool from a place you visit!). If mailing is too complicated, like it was for Nicole, you can find other ways to let your SO know you're thinking about them. "It would've been super complicated and taken weeks for him to send me anything [he was in Boston while she was in China], but I ordered him pizza delivery once," she says. Such a cute and simple idea! If your SO feels like they're still an important part of your life, the relationship will continue to grow rather than be put on hold.

If you’re still feeling uneasy about where your relationship stands once you go abroad, talk to your SO about it. If you don’t trust them, the relationship isn’t going to last anyway — so that shouldn’t be an issue. Figure out what’s going to work best for you and be prepared. It’s not going to be a walk in the park, but as Isabel says, “Long distance is really hard but not impossible!” If you’re meant to be with your SO, you’ll get through it. Good luck, collegiettes!

*Name has been changed

The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

By Fiona Flores

“You really want us to be serious? Imagine what all of my friends would say. I’m almost four years older than you. I already finished college and you are just starting…”

These are the exact words I said to my SO after two weeks of dating when we started talking about if we could become something more. Yes, it was a horrible thing to say, I admit it. But in that moment, I wasn't thinking straight. I was actually scared. Scared of what could happen if I admitted that I was actually falling in love with someone who was younger.

Let me clarify: I had never dated someone younger than me. I always searched for older men because I thought they were more mature and knew what they wanted from their lives (LOL!). I was usually attracted to older men because they gave me a sense of security. I thought that being with somebody who had his life figured out was going to help me figure out mine. Turns out that wasn't the case, and all of those relationships ultimately failed.

When I met my current boyfriend I wasn’t really looking for love ,and I wasn’t looking for love with somebody who was younger than me. But then I found myself attracted to his jokes, his appearance and the way he treated me. Weirdly, he treated me in a way none of the boys I have dated before had. He was very nice, he would listen to my “I just graduated and I don’t know what to do with my life” speeches. He was patient, kind and smart, all the things that I really needed.

The only problem was his age. I was 23 when I met him and he was just about to turn 20. I could already imagine all the cougar references people might make. I couldn’t help worrying about what people would say or think about me. The perfect man I used to imagine was the one who already had a “life” in which I could just fit myself into. As we all know, though, life has a funny way of changing our plans. So when I found myself attracted to someone who didn’t really fit in my ideal world, I tried to run away. I tried to pretend that it wasn’t a big deal, but deep inside I knew it wasn’t like that.

Was I really going to walk away from the only man who had shown honest feelings for me, just because he was younger? Would I be able to live without regrets whenever I thought about that decision? When I realized that the answer to all of those questions was “no,” I did what I already knew I would. I decided to give it a try and surprisingly, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It’s the first time I feel that I am growing up in a relationship (despite our occasional fights), and it’s also the first time that I truly feel loved by somebody else.

I also found out that by dating somebody who is younger my life has become a little less stressful. The energy he puts in my daily routine makes me want to try something new every day. Apparently, dating younger men can bring a lot of benefits to you.

I believe that love is difficult, no matter what our age is. But I also believe that if we allow ourselves to really fall into it, really good things can happen to us. 

Okay, we all know that one person who tends to share WAY TOO MUCH on social media. Then the time comes when you see the one picture of their ring. Your heart stops beating. The earth starts to move. The time has come. They got engaged.

Maybe you’re single and you don’t think it’d ever happen to you, so you don’t sweat it. But maybe you’re in a pretty serious relationship and you see it happening sometime in the near future. After the excitement of the thought subsides, your first impulse is how you’d share it on social media.

No, I’m not implying that you’re a millennial and we share EVERYTHING. You may have family members who weren’t able to make it to the engagement, or friends from out of state that wanted to see pictures. It’s easier to just post everything up so everyone can see it, rather than sending stuff one-by-one to a million curious people. So how do we stop ourselves from over sharing or sharing too much of this special moment?

It’s about the proposal—not the ring

It seems like everyone’s first thought is to post their hand with that shiny rock on their left ring finger. It’s almost like you’re flaunting the ring more than your future husband or wife. Being proposed to is probably one of the most special moments in your life—and your first instinct is to post a picture of the ring? Come on.

Chelsea Nicole, a junior at Iowa State University, had some advice from an outsider’s perspective. She had a better alternative to pictures of oversized rocks.

“While photos of you and your SO might seem like you’re still bragging about your engagement, I think of it as a cute way to show off a new step in your relationship in a healthy way, rather than showing off material aspects like the ring,” She says.

Sharing special moments with your SO rather than the ring they bought you says a lot about the kind of relationship you have with that person. Sharing the ring first will give everyone the impression that the most important thing about this new step in your life is the rock it came with.

Related: 6 Relationship Things You Should NEVER Post About on Social Media

Cut back on posting a billion pictures

A couple of cute pictures showing off your look of surprise or your first kisses together as finances is pretty cute. Have a full stop right there. There’s no need for the thousands of photos taken that day. Granted—it all depends on where you’re posting them. Facebook is fine because you can group a whole bunch of pictures together. Instagram? Not so much. You don’t want your friends sliding through 50 pictures in just one post. Know your audience and where you’re posting.

“My sister and her fiancé didn't change their relationship status to ‘engaged’ or put up a bunch of pictures; he did one post with three pictures in it with no captions, and that was all,” Katrina Dejagger-Kennedy says. “She changed her profile picture to one of the photos and that was all she did. Which I thought was classy and understated – sharing the news but not shoving it in people's faces.”

This was a great way to share the news without saying too much. ‘Okay, we’re engaged, here’s how, thanks a lot for your well wishes.’ Boom. Simplicity at its finest. Maybe you want to share a bit more pictures, and that’s okay too. But post them all at once and leave it. Spreading and sprinkling pictures of the moment around for a year after the engagement is a bit much.

Does EVERYTHING have to be on social media?

If you overshared your engagement, chances are you overshare a lot of other things. Social media is meant for your great aunt and uncles or distant cousins to see pictures of you and see how your life is going. An engagement is a great thing to share on social media—your friends will be so happy for you and family will be excited for the wedding. But remember its about the meaning behind the event rather than the likes you’ll get on the pictures. Just keep that in mind before you hit the post button.

“How to not overshare proposals: spend more time with the one who proposed. Why are you even sharing this when you finally locked it down for yourself?” Says Afif Samir Nasreddine, a grad from University of Florida.

It’s true—After he/she proposed the pictures are IMMEDIATELY posted up. Why? People don’t have to know the very second you get engaged. Enjoy the moment with your SO and celebrate with those who were able to make it to the engagement.

Related: 5 Ways Social Media is Hurting Your Relationship

I’m not saying that being proposed to should be kept hush hush. Sharing the happy news is great! A lot of people will be happy and excited for you. Just be aware about what you actually want people to know. Remember, that moment is about you and your fiancé, not about your 200 Facebook friends. On the other hand, screw it. It’s your day and you’re allowed to be happy and show it off.

By Renee Collett

I’ve always seen my friends go through serious heartbreak over people they’ve dated. I've seen how sad they feel and how hard it is for them to stop reminiscing about the “good times” they had with their partner. I’ve seen all of it—just never experienced it. The “relationship,” that is. Have I been heartbroken? Oh, yes. But heartbroken over a guy I barely dated rejecting me.

Complaining to my friends about it seemed embarrassing to me. I'd never even dated this kid officially, so why should I feel sad? But as much as I told myself not to feel sad, I continued to feel like I’d been slapped in the face. It felt like a legitimate heartbreak, or what I imagined that should feel like.

Feeling sad when a guy you barely dated rejects you is completely valid, in my opinion. Just like a break-up, you begin to wonder if you’re the problem. And since you never even got the chance to officially “date,” you think that you’re an even bigger problem. For me, I kept dwelling over the what could’ve been, which made my thoughts spiral into a self-deprecating and saddening cycle.

My infatuation with the idea of dating this guy was so incredibly strong that when things didn’t work out, it felt so real to me. The short time we’d been talking, I had felt my best, like I was hanging out with someone who was probably my soulmate. But I should’ve realized that after months of talking, and him never officially asking me out, that he was perhaps just not right for me.

Despite this, the sadness ensued. And like I said, it was valid. But something that I reminded myself often was that if it were meant to be, it would happen. And since it didn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be. I allowed myself to dwell on the what-ifs and experience my fake heartbreak for quite some time. Who cares if it wasn’t official between us?! It felt real to me, so why should I deny myself own feelings?

You are allowed to feel bad. But remember if he rejects you, he clearly isn’t for you. It's not easy to deal with, but it's better to not hide your feelings.

By Quinn Chao

Getting into a new relationship is always difficult. You’re constantly worried you’ll love more than the other person. You don’t want to text first, but you find yourself doing it anyway. After a while, it starts to feel like you’re the only one putting effort in and you're afraid of coming off as super annoying. Eventually, they stop answering and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. Here’s how to handle getting ghosted by someone you like, as someone who has been through it. 

Stop wondering what they’re doing.

It’s very hard in the age of social media to not be invested in this person’s life. You want to know what they’re up to and why they cut you off. That being said, I found it best to stop watching Snapchat stories of him with other girls. I stopped asking his friends what girls he was with and stopped looking at his tagged photos. I was done seeing the “fun” times he was having without me; I realized I won’t get any better by dwelling on the situation. I hit him with that unfollow on Snapchat and focused on me.

It’s okay to be upset.

For weeks I was hurting. Although it may have not been a full-on relationship, it was still someone I cared for who just abandoned me. I sulked and cried and let myself feel these emotions. It is important to not repress your feelings because then it’ll just build up inside you. Get a bowl of ice cream, watch sad movies and vent to your friends. Just make sure that you eventually get back to real life after all that self-care. 

It’ll take time.

If you don’t feel better after a couple days, it’s natural. No one gets over someone they care about within 72 hours. My friends thought I was being dramatic, but it took me three weeks to stop thinking about him––and I learned that’s okay! Everyone goes through different situations and it is fine to take the time to heal that you need to.

Don’t compare them to others.

Every time I met a new person, I would say they weren’t as great as he was, but that was completely untrue. I just was holding myself back instead of letting myself thrive. There were too many good people I let slip through my fingers because they weren’t “him.” In the end, I came to the conclusion that no one was going to be him, so either I end up lonely and upset or let myself learn to accept what I cannot change. No one is the same as anyone and you’re never going to come across the same person twice.

Don’t blame yourself.

Too often I’m left searching for what I did. However, I did nothing wrong. Putting in effort to have a conversation with someone is how a relationshipshould work, and if the person on the other side doesn’t agree, it’s not your fault! I could go back in time and figure out what went wrong and change it, but he still would leave. These things happen to teach us lessons. Trust me, you did nothing by being yourself and caring, and anyone you're interested in should be able to see that and respect it.  

They don't deserve you.

If we look at the other end of this situation, there is the person who never texted you back. They never gave you a reason or even an excuse, they just stopped talking to you. These people are the worst. The most someone could do before they decide to never speak to you again is to explain why. But, they don't have the decency to just be nice––instead they leave you wondering for an explanation. You're never obligated to settle for someone who can't go out of their way to think about your feelings.

And you deserve better.

There are so many great (and better) people are out there for you. Don’t let this one person ruin all your faith in love. You are so much stronger because of this and now you are ready to face relationships with a fresh outlook. You got this!

You know people in real life who have successfully found a partner through dating apps or websites. After some hesitation, you decided to download Tinder, Bumble and anything else you could get your hands on thinking, "Why not?" Well… Now, tbh you're ~the most~ over online dating, and you can think of several reasons why.

1. You regularly delete the apps because you tell yourself you enjoy being single.

Psh, who needs them?! Besides, by deleting the apps, you have more space on your phone for photos of your dog.

2. But every so often, the single life feels kind of boring. 

When you're bored, you make the mistake of downloading the apps again.

3. But you're frustrated by the surface-level interactions.

Like, these people only saw your photos and MAYBE read your one-sentence bio. They'll never understand you.

4. So when one of your matches suggests that he finds you cool or interesting, you quickly call him out. 

How could he like you based on a few text messages?! Not possible.

5. You also feel hesitant to reveal personal information to these random people on your phone screen.

Why does this guy think he needs to know where you go to college or what you do in your free time?

6. When someone tries to start sexting, you act like you don't know what he's talking about.

Send a pic? OKAY. *sends random photo of the sunset*

7. You have no tolerance for "come over" messages anymore.

Tinder match: "I'm coming over." You: "I didn't invite you."

8. So you have an endless list of not-so-great excuses for when people want to meet up.

You honestly don't even know why you're using these dating apps anymore.

9. When a match asks you what you're using the app for, you don't have a good answer.

You honestly have no idea.

10. You know that online dating works for some people.

Several friends of yours successfully met people online.

11. And that just confuses you even more.

What are you doing wrong?!

12. You just keep matching with people who you are not compatible with in any way.

Someone make it stop.

13. Yet they're so persistent.

No, you don't want to hang out. Was that not clear the three other times you said it?

14. You spend a lot of time swiping—left, that is.

You know those people who furiously swipe right on pretty much everyone? Yeah, you're basically the opposite of that.

15. You try to be witty, but all of your matches still just say "Hey" or "What's up?"

Why do you even try anymore?

16. Feeling hopeless, you try other methods of engaging in conversation.

And you fail, of course.

17. You're not sure you'll ever understand.

Maybe it's time to give up on online dating. 

Couples who have a certain distance between their ages have added struggles that other couples do not have to deal with. They will be stereotyped, judged and questioned about their relationship. Unfortunately, as with many other areas of life, the women in the relationships fall prey to more substantial judgment. While male friends applaud “their boy” for scoring a younger or older woman, women are looked down upon as gold-diggers or cradle robbers. Along with this extra judgment, couples with a significant age difference have many other adversities to overcome in their relationship and may need some guidance on how to deal with them. HC teamed up with some relationship experts to find out how these couples should handle these unorthodox struggles in their relationship. 

1. You may be judged 

Every couple has a characteristic that makes them susceptible to judgment. People can be cruel, and if couples are interracial, same-sex or have an age difference, they are more likely to feel the wrath of society's judgments. Carole Lieberman, M.D., Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author says, "Over the years, it has been more common to see younger women with older men, so society has become more accepting of this than of older women with younger men.” Dr. Lieberman thinks the stigma that surrounds the older woman and younger man romantic relationships may be a feminist issue. “It feels threatening to older men to see that women today, who are more self-sufficient, can choose to be with younger men. But, either way, you need to be willing to shrug off other peoples’ judgments.” In other words, add another way powerful women are breaking through societal barriers and threatening the patriarchy, by choosing to be in — what some may see as — abnormal relationships. 

2. Planning for a future may be trickier 

Planning for a future with a partner who is significantly older or younger than you may also present an issue. Most couples who do not have an age gap can't help but entertain the possibility of a future with their partner, but the added adversity of age, some couples may be afraid to talk about the image they have in the back of their minds. Dr. Lieberman says, “Couples with an age gap, who want to plan for a future, need to talk about things like whether they want and can still have children, how future illnesses might affect their relationship, how sex might change, how to assure financial security when one partner dies, and so on.” While this advice may not apply to younger couples now, if the relationship continues, they may need to consider this down the road as they both get older. 

Rhonda Ricardo, author of Cherries over Quicksand says, “If you marry a SO with a large age gap you’re most probably on different biological energy levels so be prepared to jump roadblocks about how to raise children or possible not ever have children, far before feelings might get hurt because changing your mind may not be an option since your SO (man or woman) could reach an age that vetoes waking up three times a night for diaper changes.”

On that note, talking about the natural aging process may be taboo in a relationship with an age gap. Dr. Lieberman adds, “It is very tricky to talk about the natural aging process because the older partner has fears that the younger partner will leave them as they age.” Of course, this is a valid concern for the older party, but Dr. Lieberman advises that the conversation is vital to the relationship and “has to be done very gradually and sensitively.”

Related: 5 Signs You Are Too Good For Your Significant Other 

3. Meeting the parents can take on a whole new definition of awkward

It may be awkward introducing one's partner to family, parents and friends when there is a large age gap. Dr. Lieberman comments that family members may offer unsolicited advice and make unfounded predictions about the inevitable failure of the relationship. (Some of us may be able to relate to this sentiment, even if there is no age gap in our relationship.) Dr. Lieberman agrees that you can't argue with people in love (no matter the situation), and even if you are heading for disaster, "no one can ever be convinced of this because at the beginning they are smitten." Just make sure that when it comes time to introduce the family to your new, older or younger SO, don't get defensive. In the end, your family wants you to be happy. While it may take time for them to see that this relationship makes you happy, they will come around. 

Also, Ricardo says, “The best way not to suffer from unwelcome drama in an age gap relationship is to stop any confusion in less than a minute of a new friendship meeting. If the SO’s age difference is completely obvious then the couple must introduce their SO as their SO, not make strangers guess who their companion may be, or the couple must expect to hear the innocent, ‘Is this your daughter/son/mother/father?’” If the couple is hesitant to be honest about their relationship upon meeting family members or friends, they could end up making the situation more awkward than it has to be.

In that light, couples with an age gap may also have to deal with those family and friends who may not take their relationship seriously. If the people you love are convinced that “it is just a phase,” Dr. Lieberman says it may be pointless to try to argue with them, “There is no point in trying to convince people to take your relationship seriously," she says. "Just let them see how happy you are together." It is important to remember that although you may accept the unorthodox nature of your relationship, it may take your family and friends a little more time to be comfortable with it. Rather than fighting them on it, help them to see why the relationship is what is best for you.

4. "What do you talk about?" could take on a new meaning 

With a difference in years between partners, some generational differences are bound to surface. An older partner might not have seen The Hunger Games, while you may not have seen The Godfather. Dr. Lieberman agrees that couples may struggle to find topics of conversation and activities that interest both parties. She adds, "An older partner may feel frustrated that their younger partner isn't familiar with music or movies from the past. A younger partner may feel frustrated that their older partner can't keep up with them in activities such as skiing." Dr. Lieberman also makes an interesting point that couples with an age difference face an added challenge of finding a shared group of friends who are compatible with both of them. If two people are really meant to be together, however, they may have to think outside of the box when it comes to activities and hobbies they can share together. Something must have brought them together in the first place, so they just need to find the thing that keeps them together.

Ricardo invites you to imagine this situation: “A twenty-year younger guy says they are perfect for each other… except in the car because she must tune into to her classic rock and he says he can feel his twenty-year younger skin sag and crawl every time the 1980 rock-stars hit their high-notes while she sings along with those currently over fifty-year-old singers. He wonders how many more years he will be able to drive with her without actually sticking his head out the car window, Doberman style, in a desperate search for silence because his earbuds collection can’t block their music gap.” Again, if a couple is truly dedicated to their relationship, they have to find activities, hobbies, and even music to listen to that they both can agree on. Perhaps if one partner loves country music and other likes Frank Sinatra, they can explore a different kind of music that they can enjoy together.

Related: How Much Do Your Friends' Opinions of Your SO Really Matter? 

5. One partner may be a know-it-all

Ricardo brings up an interesting point that the older person in a relationship with an age gap may feel that their intellect is superior because of his or her age. Ricardo says, “If your SO (man or woman) is older and condescendingly acts like they know more because of their age, not because of true wisdom, there may be some hidden jealousy about how you are not aging and they clearly are.” Communication, as in any relationship, is key with couples who have an age gap. If your older SO is constantly trying to throw you under the bus (especially in front of other people), it may be a sign of a deeper issue. If jealousy is not the cause, make sure to evaluate other possibly unhealthy aspects of the relationship.

In response to how to deal with any of these struggles, Dr. Lieberman suggests, “The answer for most of these challenges is patience, finding creative solutions and finding more to love about your partner than the inconveniences that an age gap may bring.” Perhaps the most important solution to any problems in a relationship is communication. If you are nervous about how your family and friends will react to your relationship, communicate both with your partner about what you expect from the meeting, and with your family about why the relationship is serious and meaningful for you. If you and your older or younger SO cannot agree on what music to listen to on the car ride to meet the parents, listen to an audio-book instead. Relationships are about compromise, and a relationship with an age gap is no different. Compromise, communication, and creativity are key in making an age gap relationship work.

When you’re in a committed relationship, it is easy to worry that the initial spark that attracted you and your partner to each other might one day burn out. After all, the longer you are with someone, the more comfortable you become. However, there are some things you do without even realizing that can (and probably do) turn your partner on!

We’ve consulted April Masini, a relationship expert, to reveal the truth about keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship. Read on for five things you’re already doing that turn your partner on.  

1. Being true to yourself

In your early 20s, it can be easy to lose sight of who you are sometimes. But, your partner fell for you because of who you are—just simply being yourself is a major turn-on.

“In more mature relationships, there are usually some things that people look for in a partner—whether it’s lifestyle, career, intelligence, sense of humor and all sorts of other factors,” Masini says. “When they see someone who meets their list of desired qualities, they become attracted because the person is everything they wanted.” Who you are is more than enough, and owning that is incredibly attractive.

2. Having good manners

Manners matter, and being a genuinely good person will always be attractive. No matter how much your partner loves you, nothing will turn him or her off more than seeing you be disrespectful to others.

Masini reiterates this point. “People with good manners will find that their etiquette is a turn on,” she says. “Someone who can be at ease at a ballet, a restaurant where there is fine dining, on a camping trip or staying as a house guest is attractive because they have social intelligence.” Being polite—in all social situations—will never go out of style.

3. Staying informed

When you’ve been with your partner for a long time, an easy way to turn him or her on is to blow his or her mind with your knowledge. There is a whole world around you, and by staying up-to-date on what’s going on, you’ll make your relationship that much stronger and always have something to talk about.

Masini thinks this is a great way to bring something new to the table. “Don’t slack off on being interesting!” she says. “Read, keep up with the news, volunteer, socialize—you’ll be a much better partner if you’re well read and study, work and have interesting friendships to bring to the relationship.” Intelligence is a turn-on no matter how long you’ve been with someone.

4. Being generous

Genuine generosity is such a valuable trait—and something your significant other definitely doesn’t take for granted. “Generosity is underrated and when you find a partner who is generous, you should value that quality in them,” Masini says. Knowing your partner is kind makes them that much more attractive.

Additionally, generosity is healthy for a relationship because it is contagious. “People tend to react to generosity with more generosity!” Masini adds. Kindness helps you both (and your relationship) grow. This generosity extends farther than simply having manners. Going out of your way for someone else, being kind to others and living a happy life are all traits that your partner will find extremely beautiful.

Related: 7 Moves That Might Make Your SO Fall Even More in Love with You

5. Maintaining your health

It might seem easy to let yourself go in a long-term relationship, but Masini recommends against it. “Remember who you were, what you looked like and how you acted when you were first dating,” she says. “That’s what you want to [continue to] evoke in a long-term relationship.” She recommends going to the gym and dressing in a way your partner likes while staying true to yourself.

You should never change who you are for your partner, but continue to work toward being the best—and healthiest—version of yourself. Feeling good about yourself makes you radiate confidence, and that alone is incredibly attractive.

No matter how long you’ve been with your significant other, there are certain things about you that will always turn him or her on. Be generous, be confident, be informed, but most importantly be yourself—and never forget, your partner loves you for who you are!

If you're freshly out of the closet to your family or if you've never brought a girlfriend home before, the holidays can be tricky. For some, it may even be dangerous. Wanting to introduce your love interest to your loved ones is easily understandable, and you absolutely deserve that kind of holiday joy when making the yuletide gay. And it’s totally normal to have apprehensions and anxieties about being visibly queer around your family. I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I want you to don the gayest apparel ever this year. So enough with the tacky puns, let’s get started on these simple conversational tips and strategies that’ll help you ease your partner into the family this holiday season.

Plan beforehand

If there is an allied family member you trust to prioritize your safety and happiness in a family setting, let them know in advance that you’re planning on bringing your girlfriend to whatever holiday event your family is planning. They may be able to let you know if there will be anything or anyone in attendance that may pose a risk to you or your girlfriend’s well-being! If not, they will likely offer you some much-needed support anyway! It’s always comforting to know when you’ll be walking into a situation with a support system already in place. If you’re pretty sure you and your partner will be safe and comfortable around your family, it doesn’t hurt to send a few texts beforehand and let everyone know that you’ll have a plus-one!

Talk to your partner

You may get asked awkward questions by nosy family members. It happens! Take a minute before the big holiday to sit down with your partner and establish some conversational boundaries and ground rules. They may not feel comfortable discussing their own family with yours, or they may not want to use certain words or labels to describe your relationship. Everyone is entitled to their own comfort levels and you two should absolutely discuss such matters before the big event. They’ll feel much more at ease when meeting your family and you’ll feel much more at ease knowing you helped dodge any awkward silences.

Be safe

Being visibly queer is not always easy or safe. Everyone deserves to share their beautiful partner with a supportive family, especially during the holiday season, but sadly that’s not always the safest option. You and your partner’s security are the utmost priority, and, if that means skipping out on dinner with the in-laws, then so be it! There are lots of ways to enjoy the holidays outside of a home. Find a queer holiday potluck online and cook something for the community with your partner! Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter together and bring cheer to people in need! Order some greasy food and have a romantic night in with some cheesy winter movies! There is no need not to have a jolly, warm, and safe holiday with your love.

Don’t sweat it!

Bringing a girlfriend home is virtually no different than bringing home a boyfriend or roommate or best friend, I promise. You’ll have to deal with your relatives asking how you met and bringing up embarrassing childhood memories and it’ll be cringe-worthy for a moment or two, but it’ll pass and your family will love her. Just relax! Holiday parties are about eating, drinking, laughing, and bringing up dumb memories from last year’s holiday parties. You’ll get through it, and you’ll have your awesome partner right by your side the whole time.

Ah, love—what a delightful, difficult thing you are. You pick us up when we’re down, wrap your arms around us when we need it most and know exactly how to make us feel cared for and beyond beautiful. Unfortunately, though, talking about you can be as tricky as trying to discuss trigonometry when we haven’t touched a math textbook since high school. 

Lucky for us, many gestures embody the passion that’s not always expressed easily through words. Even if your SO has yet to break conversational ground with the first “I love you,” it’s a safe bet to believe that this intention exists if he or she…

1. Surprises you with meaningful gifts

2. Gazes into your eyes

3. Pulls you in for intense make out sessions…

4. …and ends each of them with a smile

5. Holds your hand in public

6. Supports you through sad situations

7. Wants your opinions

8. Listens to—and remembers—what you say

Related: 5 Signs He's Interested That You're Not Noticing

9. Calls or texts to say “good morning” and “good night” 

10. Always asks about your day

11. Makes an effort to befriend your family

12. Knows how you take your coffee...

13. …and brews it for you

14. Steps in when you need a massage

15. Starts doing things you like to do

16. Wants to cook with you

17. Talks about a future that includes you

Start keeping an eye out! Sometimes, love shows itself in more situations than we think. 

There are several situations that can result in a significant other being your only friend: you have distanced yourself from your friends because of the SO, your friends become jealous of your relationship and distance themselves from you, the SO and the friends do not get along, and so on. What should you do in these situations? Is it healthy for your social life to revolve around one person? How can you handle this dynamic if you have no choice in the matter? HC teamed up with some experts to get the facts on buddying up with your partner.

When you find yourself in a situation where your SO is your only friend, it is helpful to determine what the problem is. If your friends have isolated you because of your boyfriend, then getting some new friends might be the answer. If your boyfriend wants you all to himself, which can be sweet in some situations, it may be cause for concern. In some cases, you may have no control over the number of people you feel close to, but it is important to make sure that you are comfortable with the circumstances of your relationships, because if you and your SO break up, it could be cause for disaster.

Your friends may be the problem 

Maybe it isn't your fault that your SO is your only friend. People can be mean, and not all of us have such great luck when it comes to making friends. Personally, I was in a relationship in high school where I had been phased out of a friend group once I got a boyfriend and then I stayed with my boyfriend (even though it was a toxic relationship) because he was my only friend at school. After we broke up, I became extremely depressed because I was so isolated at school (among other reasons). In response to a situation like this, Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author, Dr. Carole Lieberman advises, “If you aren’t careful to keep nurturing your relationships with friends, even though you’re in a romantic relationship, the thought of breaking up with your boyfriend seems impossible, even if he turns out to be a jerk. It may seem like the lesser of two evils to stay with a jerk than to be at school with no one to talk to at all. But, you can prevent being in this no-win situation by making an effort to keep your friends, even if it means spending less time with your boyfriend.”

In cliché terms, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I learned this lesson when I got to college. Before meeting my college boyfriend, I had been phased out of another friend group and found myself in a somewhat similar situation. While my boyfriend was my only friend for a while, I slowly developed new friendships that lasted throughout my relationship with my boyfriend. When I felt it was time to end that relationship, I felt confident that I could handle it because I had friends to support me, unlike the last time.

Don't be too focused on your SO

Especially if it is your first love, it is easy to become immersed in a relationship. When you’re in love with love, you want to relish in that happiness, which may alienate you from others. Dr. Lieberman says, “When you’re in love, it is easy to let the rest of the world slip away because you are so focused on your boyfriend. It seems like he’s the only one who matters.” As a result of this, you may find that your friends don’t matter as much, Dr. Lieberman adds, since you are so obsessed with your new beau. “Suddenly, you find that your boyfriend is your only friend. This puts you in a very risky situation because you become more dependent upon your boyfriend for everything, which soon makes him feel like you’re suffocating him. Now you don’t have any friends to turn to.”

Collegiette Sara* says, “Forming a close relationship with your boyfriend is crucial, but relying on him for absolutely everything can (and, in all likelihood, will) lead to trouble because it’s a limiting situation. He may feel as though making sure you have someone to spend time with is his responsibility. In time, it’s possible that they responsibility will become a burden.” You don’t want a relationship to be based on one party feeling sorry for the other, and it is possible that in a situation where your SO is your only friend, they may feel just that.

While this may seem like a grim perspective, it is a common situation that many young girls face, particularly when in their first relationship. If friends are jealous of you flaunting your relationship in their faces, they will not want to be around you as much. In addition, if your friends do not get along with your SO, they will isolate you because you are associated with him. If you feel that they are truly good friends, remember to show them that they are still important to you. More importantly, you had an identity before you met your SO, and your friends helped shape that identity. So don’t lose yourself when you start a relationship.

Related: 5 Ways to Let Go of a Relationship that Ended Before it Started 

Ignore the negative commentary

Sometimes you can be in a healthy, great relationship, but your SO is your only friend. While you may think this is okay, Dr. Lieberman warns, "It makes a guy wonder if there’s something wrong with a girl who doesn’t have a buzzing social life or at least a few good friends. He’ll ask himself if he’s missing your fatal flaw that makes everyone else steer clear.”

As with anything even slightly out of the ordinary, people may gossip about a relationship wherein one or both parties’ only friend is each other. Dr. Lieberman explains, “When one or both partners don’t have any other friends, it makes people wonder about their relationship. Are they hiding something kinky or twisted? Are they doing something that they don’t want others to know about? Are they misfits who are only able to find one other person to like them? These are the questions that go through other people’s minds and make them uncomfortable.” While understanding why people think and act the way they do, even when something is none of their concern, is important, it is also important to live your own life. If you are happy being in a relationship with your best friend, so be it. Don’t allow other people dictate your happiness. In the same way, if your SO questions why you have no friends, show him that everyone has flaws, but that you are more than the people you surround (or don’t surround) yourself with.

Relationships, like friendships, can be tricky. Put together, they are even more work. When you are in a new relationship, it is always important not to lose yourself, but also not to lose your friends. On the other hand, being in a relationship may show you who your real friends are. If you make an effort to maintain your friendships when you are in a relationship, and your friends still reject you, maybe you do not want to be friends with them anymore. Sometimes it is okay if your SO is your only friend, but be wary of the signs that you are too dependent on your lover.