Think you’re prepared for college romance? Until you can spot the most notorious campus couples,think again! Read below for HC’s guide to the top ten duos you’ll get to know in your four years at college.

1. The Couple Who’s Already Booked the Campus Chapel

These “romantics” are engaged or soon-to-be. They lovingly refer to the children they do not have, and they’ve already spent at least one year of major holidays together (including, but not limited to, the Fourth of July). If they seem on a different track than most couples, it’s because they are. Expect them to skip out on fraternity ragers for quiet weekends at (ugh) bed and breakfasts.  But hooray for true love, right guys?

2. The Sorority Sweetheart and the Frat Star

These Greek gods have all the social connections and one or both of them is most likely a chapter president. They’re pretty—like, J.Crew catalog pretty. And while there’s always underlying drama with these two, you’ll never see them miss a big social event!

3. The Activists

Remember way back when Summer got all vegan-y on the last season of The O.C. and started hanging around that Che guy? THEY WERE THIS COUPLE. They always have a cause, and it always involves wearing really similar pants. Find them planting sustainable foods in the campus garden, having sit-ins to stop deforestation in order to build new dorms and, most importantly, biking everywhere.

4. The All-Americans

Imagine if David Beckham and Hope Solo dated...this is the couple with enough athletic scholarship money between them to finance a comfortable suburban home. These two are gifted in the abs department. My one request? Stop working out at the gym together—it just makes everyone else want to give up.

5. The Reality Show Drama Couple

Okay, so maybe they don’t have a reality show, but they break up and get back together enough times to make one happen. Find them at the bar, alternatively slurring insults at each other and furiously making out. Don’t even THINK about trying to get mixed up in this one. Remember what happened when Ronnie tried to hook up with other girls behind Sammi’s back on The Jersey Shore? Yikes.

6. The Power Couple

They’ve got matching ambition and the 4.0’s to prove it. This is the couple who will go from trading notes in the library to trading notes on the Senate floor. If you end up in a class with them, expect that they will dominate—they are each other’s biggest competition. Like the Obamas or the Clintons (though some of these romances work out better than others...).

7. The High School Sweethearts

Every freshman floor has at least one girl pining away for her high school boyfriend. They Skype constantly, and he comes to visit about every other weekend. When they’re together, expect them to hibernate in her dorm—when they’re not, expect her phone to be attached to her hand at all times. This couple often bids their relationship adieu over the notorious Thanksgiving Break (“The Turkey Dump”), but some manage to stick it out for the long haul.

8. The Orientation to Graduation Couple

These crazy kids met the first day of college and have been dating ever since. They were among the few freshmen to pair off right away and are among the even fewer who stay together.  While they may not keep dating after college, they're certainly tagged in an obscene amount of Facebook photos togetherwhile it lasts.

9. The Law Student and the Co-ed

There’s always one sorority girl who finds her frat boy counterparts to be too immature. Enter the older law student/med student/local businessman who’s still into 19-year-olds! While their love isn’t traditional, it is mutually beneficial. You can find them out at nice dinners and swanky bars. Just don’t call him a Sugar Daddy!

10. The Best Dressed Duo

Even if they go to school in the middle of Iowa, they dress like it’s New York Fashion Week every day. They shop together, and they probably both have really good hair, seemingly without trying. Find them around campus looking like they’re posing for a fashion shoot. You will never find them repeating outfits.

You’ve done your research, read a few Judy Blume novels and replayed your favorite sex scenes over and over again on Netflix (@Gossip Girl fans we're looking at you). Bottom line: you’re fully ready to lose that v-card. But before you drop your pants, let us drop some knowledge on you: whoever is going to be by your side while you’re on your side (or back, or front—whatever works for you) is going to be a significant player in your conversations about sex for the rest of your life. Whether you’ve been dating for five years or you met five minutes ago, run through these red flags to make sure you know exactly what you shouldn’t be getting into—or who shouldn’t be getting into you.

Here for a good time, not a long time

SPOILER ALERT: the possibility of your first time being zero to 100 back to zero real quick is pretty high. But we’re not talking about speed of the act itself, but the speed at which your first-time lover decides to get out of your bed/tree house/high school locker room.

Moriah Raisis, a junior at Southern Methodist University, can attest to this issue well after losing her virginity to one of her first college friends. “All he wanted to do was talk about sex before we even did it, and I was in such a hurry to get it over with that I didn't even notice,” she says. “The worst part? Afterwards, he said, "Hey I don't wanna sound rude but...could you please leave?"’”

You may be eager to throw your virginity out the door, but you probably want to make sure you’re not being thrown out right behind it. Make your expectations clear about the time you want to spend together—if you and your supposed special someone aren’t on the same page, you might want to keep those pants buttoned.

Related: You Will Not Be Able to EVEN with These First Time Sex Horror Stories

He’s just not that into you…or you’re just not that into him.

Your first time can come with some serious emotional attachment. While it’s pretty hard to tell how you’re going to feel before you get between the sheets, you can usually get a good read on things by figuring out if you and your partner-in-sex feel the same way about each other.

Katie Short, a senior at SUNY Oswego, comments about deciding to hold off on losing it to her close friend who she had been hooking up with. “He started to develop feelings for me,” she says. “I told him we couldn’t continue doing what we were doing because it was disrespectful to him and would only hurt him, and after some reluctance on his part, he agreed with me to just be friends and to not continue hooking up.” Acknowledging that sex is going to hurt one of you (and not just physically) is an important, mature step to saving you from either serious guilt or serious heartbreak down the road.

Under pressure

You’ve told your ideal person that you’re down to get down, but, ever since then, you haven’t heard anything from him or her other than talk about doing the deed. Suddenly, your first time has become the only focus of conversation, and you feel like you need to just rip off your clothes so you can finally change the topic.

If your relationship with someone has changed just because you started talking about having sex, then it’s probably bound to change even more once you get around to it. It’s possible that this person is super excited about the possibility of kicking your physical relationship up a notch, but it’s also possible that you could be another notch on his or her belt.

Next time sex comes up in conversation (which, inevitably, won’t be too far away), make sure you set things straight about your intentions. If getting laid is the only thing keeping you together, maybe it’s time to break apart.

Related: 29 Thoughts Every Girl Has the First Time She Has Sex

Easy cum, easy go

Birds do it, bees do it, but now it seems like everyone is doing it. You’re ready to make moves with literally the next person you see, because Trojans are beyond #trending right now and you’re not trying to be stuck in last season. Pump the brakes before you put it in–love may be blind, but lust is absolutely blackout.

Rachel, a recent graduate from James Madison University, saw her friends getting busy and wanted to join in. “I thought about doing it with an older boyfriend at the time (he wasn't a virgin), but I wasn't 100 percent convinced and was really only thinking about it because I wanted to have sex, not because I wanted to have sex with him,” she says. “If you're more into the idea of it than the person themselves, it probably isn't the right person!”

FOMO and quick access to a quickie shouldn’t be the driving forces behind your first choice in bedmate. If “I was down and he was there” is the only explanation you can give, you might want to shut your legs and open your mind to some other options.

One-hit wonder

You’ve only been to first base, but it’s really good. Like amazing good. So good, that the minute you start kissing you’re fully ready to strip. Great kissers must be great in bed, right?

Take a look at that logic. That’s like saying people who are great at simple algebra are equally outstanding at astrophysics. Or that people who can microwave Easy Mac have a shot at an Iron Chef title. Or that your Instragram getting more than 400 likes makes you the next Annie Leibowitz. Just because this person may have mastered the most basic level of physical pleasure, you shouldn’t jump to any grandiose conclusions.

Kayleen Parra-Padron, a senior at Florida International University, knows this feeling well. “My ex and I had been dating for about a month and I was literally crazy about him because he was really good at making out," she said. "Of course, good kissers always lead to possible regrets afterwards.” And honestly, she was right. She held off on getting off and he dumped her.

We’re not trying to tell you that a good kisser is a bad choice. But just because someone has the lips of an angel, you shouldn’t be expecting some heavenly lovemaking.

Related: The Truth About Virginity in College

Your first time can be a super exciting milestone or a humorous anecdote for future parties. Needless to say, you’re not going to forget it—so make sure you’re losing it to someone who you want to remember. Good luck, collegiettes, and make good choices!

Say so long to your high school guys, and hello to college boys. As a freshman girl, eligible cuties seem to be everywhere, and guess what? They’re all looking at you. The attention can be fun, but when it comes down to it, the dating game in college is one that you’ll learn a lot about as time goes on—you might not be a pro right off the bat. To get started, Her Campus has put together a list of the DOs and DON’Ts of college dating. Who, you ask, knew there was such a science behind college guys, anyway? Aren’t they just a bunch of sex-hungry dudes? Well, maybe, but there might be a little bit more to it. Here are the guidelines of how to deal with the ones who are, and the ones who aren’t. Read ‘em and weep, girls.

DO make friends with the guys on your floor.

These guys will be super fun to hang out with once they get to know each other well, and you’ll be the cool girl who can get in on that action when you need a break from girl drama. On top of it, you might really connect with one of them.

DON’T rush into anything, though.

Hooking up with one or two of your hallmates within the first few days of school, however, is a definite no-no. When tempted to engage in “dormcest,” remind yourself that you’re going to have to face him—as well as everyone else on your floor, because they’re going to find out—for the rest of the year, no matter how good or bad your hook-up was.

DON’T write anybody off too soon.

Just because he’s sitting alone and doesn’t speak to anyone in the class doesn’t mean he’s a total lunatic. If you’re interested, all it takes is a slow pack-up-and-hang-back after class to initiate conversation.

DO go out to meet people.

Find out where the hot spots are each night of the week(end), and make sure to show up every once in a while. As a new student, you’ll get a feel for student life and get exposed to every kind of guy—frat boys, athletes, pre-meds, business students and artsy guys, too.

DON’T stay in talking to your high school boyfriend every night.

If you’ve broken up, there was a reason, and now is the time to move on. Your freshman year is meant for new beginnings, not dwelling on old relationships. Phone calls between Texas and Massachusetts won’t bring you back together—it’ll only keep you from meeting new people that are just beyond your dorm room door.

DO start off slowly if you’re not used to dating or just got out of a relationship.

Study hall or dining hall dates count, too! As casual as these settings are, it can be a great place to get to know a guy or meet someone new. Take it easy if you’re just getting your feet wet with the whole dating game, and don’t feel a need to rush into anything intense.

DON’T go out every single night.

A little mystery never hurt anyone… and it’ll do wonders for your grades, too. A mother’s wisest words—if guys see you going out night after night, how will they ever get to miss you? Show face as often as you can without being that girl that everyone expects to run into.

DO look around your classes for guys.

If they’re showing up for class at all, then you know they’ve at least got something going for them. And hey, maybe he’s even smart and organized enough for you to make him your “study buddy.” Study dates are pretty much the best dates most college girls can hope for within the first month or so of school (news flash: college guys are usually cheap).

Related: 7 Classy AF Dates That Won't Break the Bank

DON’T make him think you’re interested if you’re not just because you don’t want the perks to go away.

It’s not fair to the guy if you’re just not that into him, but you keep him around because he’s, like, obsessed with you. The puppy dog thing will get old after a while, leaving him feeling stupid/angry and you feeling unfulfilled, annoyed and guilty – not to mention that other guys you might actually become interested in will get the wrong idea.

DO engage in a random hook-up (safely), if you want to.

They’re part of the college lifestyle, and you can choose if you want to engage in them or not (certainly, you can avoid making out with the guy you’ve been dancing with all night if you’re just not that into it). It’s up to you to decide if that’s your style, but know that it happens and it doesn’t have to be scandalous or “slutty”—but just, in fact, kind of fun. As long as you’re not going crazy by swapping saliva with every guy you lay eyes on, random hook-ups can be fun and can lead to date parties, formals and maybe even a real date! If nothing else, at least you can get an exciting night or two out of them—just make sure to stay safe and keep your friends posted on your whereabouts.

DON’T count on them turning into anything serious.

Most of the time, dance-floor make-outs (DFMO’s) start and finish on the dance floor and only go as far as a phone number swap. Take these experiences for what they are, and don’t think he’s fallen in love with you simply because he’s been attached to your mouth all night.

DO accept invitations/initiations from older guys.

Attention from upperclassmen is surely a plus in any freshman’s book, because they’re seasoned. They know what’s up in this whole college world, and it can be quite nice to have a hot, older guy show you the ropes – he’ll let you know what parties are happening, bring you to date parties, introduce you to his friends and be a pretty face to show up in your tagged pictures on Facebook. That said, don’t feel the need to hook up with him purely because he’s “older and wiser…” because he may just turn out to be pretty stupid.

DON’T feel pressured to have sex.

No, we can’t be certain that what all guys are looking for is sex, but that’s definitely a part of college hook-ups. He might want it and he might even ask for it, but if you’re uncomfortable, it’s not up to you to give it to him. Know your boundaries and ask him—whether you know him well or not—to respect your boundaries. If he doesn’t, walk away.

DO avoid those guys that hook up with your entire group of friends.

There are always the guys that have no qualms about coming in between a group of girl friends just to get some action. He has no problem with hooking up with each one of your friends by jumping from one to the next. He might have no idea that what he’s doing is hurting your relationships with your friends, but it’s up to you guys to stop him by cutting him out of the equation.

DON’T get too attached to said upperclassmen.

He’s graduating sooner than you are, and he knows it. Upperclassmen usually aren’t in it for the long haul when they seek out a freshman girl that they’d like to hook up with. Just because he’s lent you a bunch of attention one night, don’t assume that he’ll be chasing after you for the rest of the semester.

DO be open to going on dates with anyone.

That is, of course, presuming that dates aren’t obsolete anymore. While a lot of guys don’t even have the courtesy to take a girl out for dinner – or even coffee?! – there are some who like to kick it old school and go for the dinner and a movie. If you’re looking for companionship of any kind, there’s no reason to refuse a casual invitation to lunch or dinner.

DON’T expect him to take you out to fancy meals all the time.

But at the same time, know that college culture is changing, and going out on the “dates” we see happening in movies or the ones we hear about from our parents simply doesn’t happen anymore, for the most part. These guys are most likely on a budget, so fancy dinner dates aren’t always an option. There’s nothing wrong with a nice fro-yo in the quad, though!

DON’T count on finding a boyfriend right away.

Keep in mind that as many hotties as you see on a regular basis, most of them aren’t right for you. It’s about finding the right one that’s interested in having the same type of relationship that you are, no matter what type that may be. Also, be wary of becoming BF-GF with someone on Day 1 of orientation. Do some exploring before you settle on one guy to get hot and heavy with right away.

DO start a relationship if you find someone special.

Maybe you’ll find him on day one of classes, or maybe it’ll take until senior year for you to realize that the guy you’ve been friends with all along suddenly seems like he’s ready to take the plunge with you. But if it feels right, don’t hold back, and find a way to make it work.

DO know that people move on quickly in college.

Hook-ups last for any length of time – you can be attached to one particular guy for several months, or only for a matter of days and it can still be considered “hooking up.” Go figure. At any rate, don’t be surprised if a guy has eyes for you on Thursday and then you spot him spitting game to another girl on Saturday. Don’t get jealous or crazy and be that girl who slaps him in the middle of the party. Instead, try to figure out what he’s interested in before you hook up with him, so you know what to expect from him after the fact.

DON’T hold back if you want something more out of a hook-up.

If you silence yourself, you’ll only end up unhappy and wasting your time. He may not be taking your relationship as seriously as you wished he would if it started out as a random hook-up. If your feelings intensify and you want to take it to the next level, let him know and don’t make him guess. If you’re afraid of scaring him off, leave your feelings on the table and the situation open-ended. This is his relationship too, and you don’t wish to monopolize it, so ask him what it is that he wants out of it. Chances are that otherwise he won’t just guess that you want to be treated to romantic dinners and you’ll just end up getting frustrated and angry.

DO try to meet guys without a gaggle of girls surrounding you.

While girls’ night out is always one of the best nights of the week, do try to distance yourself from your pack of besties for a little bit each night. No guy wants to approach you if your six best friends are by your side eyeing him with those girly judgmental glares.

DON’T get left places alone or go home with a guy you don’t know…and having made out with him all night doesn’t make him any more familiar.

If you do manage to separate from your girlfriends for a few minutes, keep in touch with them to make sure they’re not leaving the club/bar/party without you. It’s risky to leave with a guy you’ve just met – especially if one of his friends who “didn’t drink tonight” is driving – even if he seems genuine. Exchange numbers instead, and stay with your girlfriends.

College will open doors for you in the way of the dating scene, but it always helps to take things slowly and be wary. Stay grounded and always question people’s intentions, while making sure that your own are as clear as crystal. Your future boyfriend is out there somewhere, whether he’s sitting next to you in class or isn’t even enrolled at your school. And you’ll find him, too... you just may have to kiss a few frogs first and have a lot of single and mingling fun.

Whether it’s the cute baseball player down the hall, the artsy English major one floor up or the lacrosse-penney-sporting-Natty-drinking bro just two doors down, let’s face it: your college dorm is teeming with hotties of every race, creed and hair color. Incoming freshmen get ready: living with guys is unlike anything you’ve experienced before. But is it wise to tap into this veritable meat market knowing there’s a risk of bumping into a foiled hook-up every time you want to walk down the hall to take a shower? Have no fear, darling co-eds. Use these fixes for common dormcest pitfalls and you’ll be plunging headfirst into intra-dorm relationships before you can say, “Hey, I live on North Campus too!”

The Pitfall: Mismatched Expectations

It’s going to be tempting to jump into romance as soon as you get on campus and realize you have hot guys living next door—even the girl with the most self-control can have trouble resisting such romantic convenience.  But take it from Kelsey*, a collegiette who got involved with a guy in her dorm right off the bat: it’s better to wait.

“Right away I thought Tyler* was cute. After our first meeting, I started to see him all the time around the dorm. We ‘hung out’ quite a few times in the next couple of weeks, but it was nothing more than friends with benefits. One time, we were messing around and he wanted to have sex but I said no.  He understood, but after that incident we were completely awkward around each other.”

When a gal gets involved with a guy quickly, it can be difficult for both parties involved to know what the expectations for the hook-up are.  It’s especially important to get these straight with a guy in your dorm—the possibilities of after-hookup awkwardness are that much greater (think a 24/7 Walk of Shame). 

The fix?  Spend a couple weeks just getting to know the guys in your dorm before you take it to a physical level — you’ll have a better sense of what they’re looking for (and what you’re looking for too).  And hey, there is no crime in looking!

Related: How to Navigate Welcome Week Like a Pro

The Pitfall: He Sees You at Your Best . . . and Your Not-So-Best

You know the feeling you get when you decide you’re interested in a guy: you’re consumed by the constant compulsion to touch-up your lip gloss, you put your girlfriends on a 24 hour “crushwatch” (so you can look like you are NOT trying at all times) and you actually start waking up to shower before class.  While we’ve all succumbed to this Secret Girl Behavior (which we guess is no longer secret), living with the guy you’re interested in poses a whole new set of challenges.  Your same-dorm stud will without a doubt see you at least once in each of the following situations:

1. walking to the shower in your towel, acne medication (or worse) in hand,

2. coming upstairs to your room at 3 am with a huge pepperoni pizza and no visible friends to share it with, and

3. having a loud and embarrassing phone conversation with your mother in the stairwell (“MOM, I told you I do NOT EAT TUNA FISH!  STOP SENDING IT TO ME!”)

The fix?  Well, there really isn’t one.  Living in close proximity to the boy of your dreams means that he’ll get pretty comfortable with your less-than-perfect habits pretty quickly.  Learn to crack a joke when he catches you, and at least this way there are no surprises about you in store for him down the road.

The Pitfall: Non-Exclusivity and Shared Living Space

So you’ve started getting busy on a semi-regular basis with a hottie on your hall.  Congrats!  While a late-night rendezvous is much more convenient when only a few yards separate you from your boy-du-jour, there comes a time when you (or he) may long for a romance outside the dormitory walls.  So what do you do when your dormcestual dude catches you coming back with another guy?  Or you see him coming back with another girl?  Without the promise of exclusivity, these can be quite the sticky situations.

The fix?  If you see your guy bringing back another girl, you’ll want to quietly and calmly go back to your room, or better yet, a girlfriend’s room.  This is not the time for loud, confrontational displays a la The Bad Girls’ Club.  If in the morning you find that you are still disturbed by the thought of your non-exclusive guy with another girl, it may be time to grit your teeth and have "the talk."

Now if your guy sees you coming back with, well, another guy, be prepared for him to be upset.  Again, try to avoid any scenes.  You’re not technically in the wrong, so leave it up to him to say something later—but know that he may not have anything to say to you at all.  Remember that the proximity inherent in dormcest can be a cost as well as a benefit, since there’s really no avoiding each other.

The Pitfall: Keeping Dormcest Relationships Fresh

Real, exclusive, dormcest relationships can and do work.  But they require a bit of an extra effort to reach normalcy.  For example, it’s not normal to move in with a guy after dating for two weeks, but when you already essentially live together, it can be hard to find that separation you need in the early stages of the relationship.  Ava* reveals that her biggest problem with her boyfriend who lived in her dorm was that “we went from zero to living together in the span of about a week.”  Charlotte* echoes her sentiment: “Being in the same dorm meant the only time my boyfriend and I had to spend apart was when we had class.” 

It’s easy to get caught up in such a convenient romance, spending Friday nights cuddled up with your guy watching Friends reruns while your actual friends are out wondering if you’ve chosen to study abroad this semester without telling them. 

The fix? Make an effort to develop friends and interests that take you out of the dorm—that way if your romance ends, your life won’t!  Relationship expert Dr. Shoshanna advises against falling into “dead routines” in a relationship.  If every Saturday you and your guy spend the afternoon playing video games with his friends on his hall, eat dinner in your dorm’s attached dining hall and watch movies in your room at night, break out!  Take a walk around campus in the afternoon, try a new restaurant, go to a party you normally wouldn’t attend.  It will keep you and your romance fresh!

Related: A Freshman Girls Guide to College Dating

The Pitfall: Dormcest Doesn’t Last Forever

If your dormcestual relationship has an unhappy end, it can be tricky to navigate the post-breakup waters.  If you’re close to the end of the year, congrats!  You won’t have to awkwardly co-habitate much longer.  But if you’re not so lucky, seeing your ex-flame at (literally) every turn can really take a toll on your psyche.

The fix?  Throw yourself into activities outside the dorm.  Do the same things you would do at the end of any relationship, but especially try to put yourself into situations where you won’t be spending excessive amounts of time wallowing in your room, only to bump into your ex walking to the vending machines to get a soda when you venture out of your room sporting your rattiest sweatpants and mascara tears.  If you’ve really got to do the full-on waterworks-while-watching-The-Notebook-and-eating-a-pint-of-Ben-and-Jerry’s routine, consider moving the party to a girlfriend’s room in another dorm. Speaking with a friend earning their counseling degree might also be helpful. Above all, keep your head up, and know that there are infinitely more eligible bachelors outside your dorm than in it.

Now, perhaps you’re thinking, with all these pitfalls, why would I ever want to brave dormcest territory?  Girls, it really can be sweet, all risks aside.  Here are the top five perks of dormcest:

1. Your fingers will never freeze in sub-zero January temperatures on your way to see your boy-toy.

2. You probably have a lot of the same friends that live in your dorm, thus, making social plans together is easy.

3. Good day, bad day: He’s always going to be down the hall (or up the stairs).

4. If your man is of the Spencer Pratt variety, it’ll be much easier to keep tabs on him.  (But please don’t put up with these shenanigans in the first place.)

5. You’ll never have to do the Walk of Shame across campus.

*Names have been changed.

All relationships have different stages of developing. Many of us have heard about the honeymoon and puppy love stages, but what about the commitment stage? This period of stability and seriousness in young couples seems to be fleeting with the rise in popularity of casual sex and low-key relationships. Because of this, people are either too embarrassed to have "the talk" to define the relationship or they tend to stay with people who are just never going to fully commit. If one person is expecting much more than the other, it's going to lead to massive disappointment from the lack of progression in the relationship. Here are some ways to know if you’re with someone with no desire to be your long term serious bae.

1. They only contact you to hook up

This is one of the clearest signs someone is not interested in a full-blown relationship. The difference between hooking up and committed relationship is a mutual understanding that you care about each other and want to spend time with one another outside of the bedroom. Sorry, but sending a “u up?” at 1:50 a.m. might mean they only want one thing, and it’s not a relationship.

2. Going on dates is out of the question

In conjunction with the reason above, dates are obviously not a priority to the noncommittal person. Both planning and showing up to dates requires time, energy and money that this person is not willing to expend. However, you’re allowed to have certain expectations.

Sarah*, a sophomore from Lehigh University, understands this quite well. “I used to hook up with this guy who would only try to hang out in his bedroom or mine,” she says. “He was clearly only interested in sex and not going out more. I moved on.” That’s an explicit example of someone who is simply not looking for something serious, or not looking for something serious with you.

3. They're not interested in meeting your friends or family

Perhaps you thought things were going well and maybe it would be appropriate to invite your hookup buddy to a family gathering or even a friend’s birthday brunch. But instead of attending the function with you, your offer has him or her running for the hills instead. This could be a sign that you’re either moving too fast for them toward a relationship, or they’re simply not interested in taking this step altogether. Healthy relationships involve making memories together and reaching milestones that everyone is comfortable and excited about. Dragging your hookup buddy to meeting your parents they don’t even want to meet is quite the contrast to something wholesome and relationship-worthy.

Getting to know your SO's parents and family is a big deal and should not be taken lightly since these are the people your girlfriend/boyfriend grew up/spends time with. For example, It's normal to have your significant other's parent's phone number once you're in a committed relationship. By the same token, your significant other should want you to meet and get to know the important people in his or her life as well. Committed people are immersing their lives together, and that usually involves meeting the people they spend time with on the regular.

4. Spending holidays together will never happen

As holidays approach, it starts to become a bit clearer if someone is interested in being with you long-term. Spending a holiday together might seem like a harmless offer, but it might be too big of a step for them to handle. Perhaps getting drunk together at a 4th of July barbecue seemed casual and non-committal at first, but having your family ask them what they want to do with their life might scare them away. Sophie*, a sophomore at Lehigh University, says she once "went to a holiday party with a guy who ended up crying about his ex saying he needed to figure himself out before fully moving on." She thinks the act of spending holidays together was a step taken too soon. Even if it’s a simple event, holiday parties are typically somewhere you can show off your SO–which is definitely not a place a person not willing to commit would want to go.   

Related:5 Signs You Really Are Afraid of Commitment 

5. They only communicate through Snapchat or text

In a world where connecting and conversing has never been easier with the help of smart phones, avoiding committed relationships have also become a norm among young millennials. Rachna, a freshman from Dartmouth College experienced someone who only “texted or Snapchated but never wanted to meet up in person.” The famous beginning stage of relationships known as “talking” – where both parties are communicating mainly through their phones – is common in this day and age, but when this stage never evolves into more intimate meetups, couples tend to fall into a lingo of remaining “together, but not like dating.” You want to avoid this if you’re looking for a relationship. Hint:it’s not that romantic to get a text first if that’s all you get from them.

6. Conversations are mostly about hooking up

Maybe you do extend your conversations outside of the realm of Snapchat and iMessage, but what is the actual quality of your discussions? Is the content mostly about sex and the next time you’re going to do it? If so, remember that a healthy relationship has a lot to do with caring about the well-being of the other person. There’s much more substance to learn about your SO than just their sexual preferences, and if someone is not willing to learn about that, then they are probably not willing to be in a relationship.

7. They send you mixed signals

Maybe you don't resonate with the obvious signs of noncommittal reasons above, but something still doesn't feel right. One day your significant other is saying how he can see you in his future, but he doesn't bother taking you to his brother's wedding. Phoebe, a sophomore from Lehigh University experienced this early on when a guy "said cute things one day and I thought it was flirting, but then the next day he'll treat me like a bro. And the next interaction is flirty again. It's like the most confusing thing until I finally realized it wasn't going to happen." If what he says doesn't measure up exactly to how he's treating you, it's a sign that he has no intention of a serious relationship.

8. They are scared of typical relationship milestones

This one is a big one for people who are technically "dating," but one person's needs are not being met entirely. Partially to blame is the #goals tag on Instagram filled with couples holding hands in exotic places and kissing expensive jewelry together. Contrary to popular belief you don't need to do this! However, it's perfectly normal to post pictures online of you and your SO. It's 2017! Not only should you feel comfortable sharing photos of your relationship, but your significant other should be comfortable with it as well. No one should feel the need to validate their relationship online, but it's quite normal to create memories together in a healthy manner. Some normal committed relationship behavior involves taking photos, planning future trips, buying gifts in advance. Basically, it's a good sign if they're not afraid of seeing you in their future plans. If your partner tends to back away when things get too relationship-y and public, then maybe it's a sign they aren't looking for a serious relationship after all.

Relationships are about being comfortable and happy with the arrangement. If you’ve read this feeling defeated that you or your potential SO is probably not looking for a relationship, don’t sweat it. Sometimes the timing – or even the person – isn’t right. There is no perfect way to enter into a relationship, but there are healthy habits. If you’re experiencing any of the above and you’re not happy with it, it’s okay to speak your mind. Good luck!

Since I never actually told you how I felt, I guess it’s more my own fault than yours. Everything was too complicated and it wouldn’t have made a difference, so in the end I just didn’t say anything. But on the other hand, I didn’t really try to hide it, either. At least, I didn’t think I did. Maybe how I felt wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was, but every time you looked at me I just hoped you’d realize. 

It sucks watching the person you love give his love to someone else. In my mind she’ll never be the one for you. She couldn’t be—because I am. In my mind, you’re making a huge mistake. So I thought about fighting for you, thought about biting the bullet and telling you how I felt, thought about the way you might tell her you were sorry and that she's great but you were in love with someone else. I thought about it, but didn’t do it.

Maybe what’s meant to be really will be, and maybe she makes you happier than I would, so I tried not to think about you. I tried to act like it wasn't killing me to see you with her, like it didn't affect me. I tried to ignore the lump in my throat every time your mom brought up her name or the feeling in my stomach when I saw you two together. I thought that maybe if I ignored it, it would go away.

It hasn’t gone away.

I’m at a loss. I can’t decide if I should try to wait it out or try to move on. Even the prospect of dating anyone else seems impossible. It's unfair—you have me wrapped around your finger, and you have no idea.

It just doesn't make sense to me. How can someone who makes me feel the way you do be meant for somebody else? When I asked you what your type was and you described me to a T, did you even realize? How can all of our shared laughs, and car rides, and singing along to country music in your truck, and lingering looks and hesitant touches not mean anything at all? How does all of that add up to a relationship with somebody else?

Forget about first exams and getting to know your randomly picked roommates…one of the most intimidating things to navigate as a newly enrolled freshman collegiette is the on-campus dating scene. In high school, it was easy to meet guys who already lived in your hometown. But in college, the dating rules are different, and it’s not always so easy to meet guys. Where can you find them? How do you impress them? How do you avoid being dismissed by them as just another frat party-hopping freshman girl? We’ve asked girls and guys across the country about the first-year college dating scene to bring you this tell-all guide on how to meet guys as a freshman girl(and how not to be that freshman).

Where to meet him:House parties

Maybe it was his slick dance moves or his mad flip-cup skills, but whatever it was, it’s thrown you head over heels for this Campus Cutie. So how do you get his attention? Katie King from Western Michigan University says that steering clear of the row upon row of frat houses and opting instead to hit up house parties can be a great way to meet older college guys and stand out from crowds of freshman girls. “A ton of freshman girls go to the frats, but that is what kind of makes you stick out as a freshman,” Katie says. “Talk to tons of people and try to go out with them. House parties are usually the best place to meet older guys.” House parties tend to be a more intimate setting for meeting guys: there are usually fewer people there and so it’s easier to chat up that cutie!

How to impress him

Be fun and flirty! Just remember that there’s a fine line between being the life of the party and being “that party girl” (LiLo, anyone?). Zachary from Wake Forest University says you should be careful about hooking up with too many guys too quickly or you’ll end up with a reputation that reaches all the way to the upperclassmen. “I guess if hooking up is what you’re all about, then have at it,” Zachary says. “But it doesn’t make you look good when you’ve hooked up with all my friends by the end of fall semester.” In other words: keep it classy, collegiettes!

Related: 7 Common Myths About Your Freshman Year

Where to meet him: Tailgates and games

Sure, we’re all swooning over the quarterback of the football team or the captain of the ice hockey team, but what about that cute friend of a friend you meet while tailgating? Tailgates and sports games can be the best places to meet guys (the ones who aren’t sweating up their uniforms)!

How to impress him

If there’s one thing that guys love to talk about, it’s sports, so why not strike up a convo about the game, the teams playing, and the players on the field? Even if you know zip about the sport, take that as your opportunity to chat him up for info like Emily from the University of Mississippi did. Emily met her freshman year boyfriend through her sorority sister at a tailgating party. “Tailgating is big down here at Ole Miss,” Emily says. “But it’s funny, because coming from New England, I really didn’t know a whole lot about Southern football teams. So he tried to explain what was going on out on the field, we ended up talking for the whole game, and he asked me out. We’re still dating three years later and now, tailgating is our favorite thing to do!” If all goes well, you'll have a date for next game! And even if he’s from another nearby school and you’re rooting for opposite teams, that only brings up the opportunity for you to use this perfect betting line: “If my team wins, you’re taking me to dinner!”

Where to meet him: Dorm halls and study lounges

If you’re looking for guys, what better place to start than with the guy next door? Kema Christian-Taylor from Harvard University says that the common room in the dorm was always a hotspot for scoping out hotties. “I would always go down to my dorm's common room, no matter what the hour!” Kema says. “It was rarely ever empty, and def a hot spot on Friday and Saturday nights after everyone had finished partying, but didn't want to go to bed yet!”

How to impress him

The great thing about dorms – and especially dorm lounges – is that there is always something happening right down the hall, whether a group of your guy hallmates are watching a movie or playing a video game (in which case, you can show off your mad gaming skills at Mario Kart playing as Yoshi)! Dorms are a great way to meet, get to know, and hang out with other guys who are living in your dorm.

Where to meet him: Classes and labs (or in-between)!

If that broodingly handsome cutie in your chemistry class is making eyes at you across the lecture hall, spark some chemistry of your own by approaching him in class. Amelia* from the University of Michigan says that even waiting in between classes can be a perfect time to approach guys. “I would grab a quick bite to eat in between classes sometimes and random guys would come sit by me,” she says. “One time I was reading a magazine and a guy approached me and said, ‘[T]alking is more fun than that, right?’ I laughed and let him sit with me. Although it never went anywhere, I did enjoy talking to him.”

How to impress him

There are plenty of ways to approach a guy in class. Nab him as your lab partner, work on a group project with him, or, as Claire from Ohio State University suggests, “Ask for his notes!” Offer to study for the upcoming exam with him. While you’re at it, offer to meet him for coffee post-cram sesh or pre-lecture. As girls, we can be intimidated by asking a guy out, but being upfront and confident is always sexy. “There’s no harm in making the first move, ladies!” says Bill Feldman from Emory University.

Where to meet him: Student clubs and off-campus activities

You might be the shy type, or maybe you’re not into the party scene on campus. It’s still easy to meet guys thanks to student clubs, sports teams, and other extracurricular groups. Odds are that you’ll want to start writing for your college newspaper, or maybe you’ll want to try your hand at juggling – either way, there are countless different groups for you to join, and freshman year is the perfect time to do so!

How to impress him

Joining as many social organizations as you can is the best way to meet guys who already share the same interests as you. You’ll know that you’ll have at least one thing in common and you can impress him with your skills. Even if that first date with him doesn’t work out, you at least found a group where you can do something you enjoy (and possibly where you can meet other guys who love dancing, foreign films, or kayaking just as much as you do).

What’s most important to keep in mind about freshman year is that as a freshman, you should experience all that the college dating scene has to offer. When there’s so much to discover about being a new collegiette on campus, serious boyfriend-hunting shouldn’t take a big priority. And if you do snag a Campus Cutie your first year, don’t be distressed if the relationship doesn’t work out. It can be limiting being tied down in a relationship, anyway, and college can be the best time in your life to live it up as a single lady!

*Names have been changed.

With another fall semester here, it’s time that we take a good, hard look at ourselves (and our love lives). Whatever mistakes we made last year are in past semesters—we’ve got the chance to revamp our romances, so let’s not waste the opportunity by falling into the arms of yet another sleazy frat bro! Whether you have a nasty habit of choosing guys who were going nowhere or you were too much of a wallflower last spring, we’ve got the right advice to help you change your ways.

1. Your Social Life Revolved Around a Guy

It starts off innocently enough: you want to hang out with your fun, new hook-up, so you decide to spend a Saturday night with him and his friends. But then a single Saturday night becomes an entire weekend, and before you know it, you’re making plans to fit his schedule (and ditching your friends in the process).

Why is it such a bad thing? “Most college relationships don't last forever, so when the relationship ends, you don't want to be left behind by friends who are disgruntled that you have been neglecting them when you had something ‘better’ going on,” says Kathleen Bogle, author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus.

Shira Kipnees, a senior at Franklin & Marshall College, had to change her habits when she started making sacrifices for her boyfriend of three years. “We're long-distance during the school year, so we try and Skype every night,” she explains. “However, some nights he would have something [going on] and would not be able to Skype me until right before I'd be going to bed. I'd stay up waiting for him to be done and to Skype me, sometimes sacrificing an earlier bedtime just to talk.”

Eventually, Shira talked to her boyfriend about the issue and they settled on a “five minute” system. Right before she’s going to bed, she asks him if he’ll be able to Skype soon. If he responds, “Yes, I have five minutes left,” she stays up. If he says, “Not in the next five minutes,” she says goodnight and goes to bed.

It’s all about compromise. By being direct and bringing up the problem like Shira did, you and your guy can figure out a way to spend time together that doesn’t make anyone feel left out or taken advantage of. If you’re long-distance, try setting a specific day and time to Skype and stick to it every week. If you’re on campus together, set aside a girls’ night each weekend—no boyfriends allowed!

2. You Hooked up With a Guy Knowing He Didn’t Want More (& Hoping You Could Change his Mind)

Like many collegiettes before you, you’ve probably fallen into the ever-alluring, fixer-upper hook-up trap. Here’s how the story goes:

1. You hear of his illustrious bed-hopping reputation and vow to never be just another notch in his belt (no matter how cute he looks from across the quad).
2. You run into each other at a party, one thing leads to another, and you discover that this boy knows how to kiss. Like, Gone with the Wind, sweep-you-off-your-feet-style kissing.
3. You decide to make an exception.
4. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, so you unwittingly agree to a FWB situation.
5. You tell yourself that once he gets to know you better, he won’t help but falling for you.
6. He doesn’t.

Here’s the thing: it’s not that you aren’t the most amazing, talented, intelligent girl he’s ever been with. You probably are. But when he tells you he isn’t looking for anything serious, chances are he’s set on living the single life in college—or worse, rebounding from a rough break-up.

Connie Chan, a recent graduate of Carnegie Mellon University, found herself in this exact situation. “I've hooked up with a guy before knowing we weren't on the same page,” she says. “As much as I enjoyed his company, I was really wasting my time waiting around for someone who couldn't give me what I wanted. He was nice enough to end things instead of stringing me along, but I wish I had done it myself—and much earlier!”

To save yourself from this tough situation, make some hard rules and resolve to live by them. If he tells you he doesn’t want anything serious (or you hear he’s a heartbreaker), ask yourself where you want to be by the end of the semester. If you envision yourself living the single life or open to hook-ups, then by all means, give him a shot. If, however, you’d prefer to be able to snuggle up with a guy and a mug of hot chocolate come wintertime, keep looking for someone who’s interested in more than midnight booty-calls.

3. You Hooked up With a Guy You Weren’t Really Into

Almost everyone has a past hook-up that they would rather forget, but what if that hook-up also happened to be with someone you didn’t even want to hook up with in the first place? There are plenty of reasons not to hook up with a guy, and this is high on the list.

“Junior year, one of my roommates pushed me to start hanging out with her guy friend, who was best friends with her boyfriend, after he expressed an interest in me to her,” recalls Amy*, a senior at Boston College. “I started going out on double dates with the guy, mostly because I wanted to make my roommate happy. However, once things got physical with [him], I immediately became uncomfortable. I realized that I had never been into the guy since the beginning, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, and ended things as best I could.”

It’s a tricky spot to be in: you want to be there for your friend, but you’re just not feeling the spark. Remember that just because he’s a friend of your friend’s boyfriend doesn’t mean he deserves any preferential treatment—and definitely no undeserved kisses! If your friend is pressuring you to give him a chance, sit her down and explain that you want to find someone that makes you as happy as her boyfriend makes her, and you can tell that this guy just isn’t Mr. Right. Plus, does your friend really want to deal with the mess you’ll make when you break things off with her boyfriend’s buddy? Definitely not—so remind her of the repercussions!

On the other hand, you might find yourself going for a guy you’re not into simply because you’re lonely, you want to be physical, or you feel left out as the only single girl in your group. (Why rom-coms make the single lady life seem like an awful thing is beyond us.) Bogle’s advice: don’t settle! “There is no upside to hooking up with someone when you don't really want to,” she says. “There are enough guys out there that you will actually be interested in, so focus on them.”

Related: How To Handle Your Casual Hook-Up On Valentine's Day

4. You Chased After Guys Who Were Unavailable

We all want what we can’t have: guilt-free carbs, Carrie Bradshaw’s closet, and, of course, unavailable guys. You’d think that we would have evolved to lust after the single ones—after all, they’re much more likely to return the favor—but unfortunately, we collegiettes are constantly crushing hard on the taken ones.

“If you only want what you can't have, you have to ask yourself why,” advises Bogle. “Are you afraid of being hurt? Do you like the thrill of trying to attain the unattainable? Does the thought of getting someone who is hard to catch boost your ego?” If this is becoming a theme in your life, she says, you need to look inward for the reason why.

Once you figure out why you’ve been chasing taken guys, you need to try to make some changes. Don’t go to a party that you know your elusive, taken crush will attend. Instead, spend your time meeting new (single) people. Accept an invitation to hang out with people outside of your usual crowd. Even if there aren’t any guys there the first time, you never know which fantastic boys they might be friends with! Plus, the excitement and nerves of getting to know new people will take your mind off any unattainable flings.

5. You Made an Enemy of Your Ex

It can be hard to use good judgment when feelings get in the way—particularly when those feelings are of the “I need to dump him” variety. Whether he got on your nerves, let the spark fizzle, or played tonsil-hockey with someone else over the weekend, you knew you had to end it. The question was: how?

Briana Morgan, a recent graduate of Georgia College, regrets the way she ended things with an ex. “I was too afraid to have ‘the talk,’” she recounts. “Instead, I avoided him whenever I could. Finally, he showed up at my dorm because he was worried about me. Then, we had the talk. I wish I'd come clean sooner instead of dragging the whole thing out. It wasn't fair to him.”

To avoid making the same mistake twice, try to put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to be strung along, hurt and confused for weeks? Nope, and neither would he, so be honest with him.

If you weren’t the one doing the dumping—but you dealt with the break-up badly anyway—you’ll want to take a different tactic. There’s nothing worse than running into an ex on campus who has heard you say bitter things you came to regret. And you definitely don’t want to be known as that girl who starts rumors about old boyfriends (or hooks up with their best friends immediately post-break-up).

This fall, keep your distance from former flames. If you’re with someone and he ends things—which means he’s lost his mind, of course—think before you speak. You may not care much for his feelings in that emotional moment, but keeping in mind how any potential awkwardness could affect you in the future—like in class, at parties, or at club meetings—will help you hold back any nasty insults.

6. You Turned Down a Guy Who “Wasn’t Your Type”

Sometimes, it can be hard to spot a truly nice guy, but Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them, explains that a lot of college girls actually avoid good guys—but not on purpose. “They’re afraid to be with a good guy who wants to get close because they're afraid if they get close, the guy will hurt them or abandon them,” she says.

Instead of giving nice guys a chance, most of us collegiettes write them off as “not our type.” We then head straight for the notorious ladies’ men, because deep down, according to Lieberman, we think there’s no risk of getting attached—or hurt. (Spoiler alert: This plan always fails. Always.) That subconscious fear might be to blame for that just-not-into-him feeling you’ve got in your gut when you come across a nice guy.

“I went on a date with this great guy last semester, but I just felt like there wasn’t any chemistry,” recalls Jessica*, a junior at Skidmore College. “I basically put him in the friend zone. Of course, by the end of the year, I ended up wanting him. I’m giving guys a two-date minimum chance next year!”

Give the nice guys a chance, even if they don’t seem like “your type” at first glance. Don’t force yourself to go on more than one date if you really aren’t feeling it—especially since it’ll probably turn into a notorious first date disaster—but ask yourself what it is about the guy that makes you think you don’t have chemistry. Does he seem too predictable? Too interested? If he’s coming on way too strong, keep your distance. But if it’s just that he’s more direct and friendly than the bad boys who’ve kept you guessing in the past, he deserves a shot! Use these seven foolproof ways to tell if he’s a good guy to see if he’s worth your time.

7. You Let Your Crush Slip By

We get it: cute boys are intimidating! They’ve got those dreamy eyes, that fresh cologne smell... it’s a wonder we don’t all start stuttering mid-conversation. If your nerves got the best of you last year, making you more of a wallflower than a flirt, now’s the time to turn things around.

“You only live once,” Bogle reminds us. “If something doesn't work out, fine. But, you will sleep better at night if you know you gave it a shot. Don't sit on the sidelines and watch someone else steal your crush!”

Instead, get in on the action. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. If you see your crush in class, casually ask him to remind you of your latest assignment. Then, ask how he likes the class. The conversation should flow from there!

If you get to the point where you’re on talking terms but he isn’t making moves, he might not realize that you’re interested. Turn up the flirt factor by asking him to hang out for a one-on-one coffee on campus to get him in a dating mindset. Never underestimate the power of body language, either; putting a hand on his arm for a second after he’s told a funny joke is one of the best ways to signal that you’re open to something more.

Don’t fall back into bad habits this semester. You may not find love on your first day, but by making these changes (and avoiding these seven love mistakes), you’ll be seven steps closer!

*Names have been changed.

Growing up means experiencing a lot of new things and learning more about yourself, which often entails discovering your sexual orientation. Sometimes that can be confusing to figure out, but with all the resources we can access (thank you internet and technology), it should be an exciting time, not one to stress about. You’re already a badass college student taking on the world so discovering your sexual orientation should be more fun than worrisome. Here are a few ways and resources to help guide the process.

1. Understand the different sexual orientations

There are many kinds of sexual orientations. The most commonly known ones are heterosexual (people who are attracted to the opposite sex), homosexual (people who are attracted to the same sex) and bisexual (people who are attracted to both men and women). Although these are all typically the most known on a widespread level, there are actually ten different sexual orientations. Don’t let that overwhelm you though. Sex therapist and counselor, Christina Spaccavento says, “We are all unique individuals and no one person is the same, so I recommend that each person be free to define them self in a way that fits with them and their unique set of personal experiences and emotions.”

When it comes to sexual orientation expressions she explains, “There are various terms for people’s sexual orientation such as straight, gay, lesbian, bi, queer or asexual and any of these terms may fit well for some people. But for others, these terms can be limiting. If this is the case, it can be helpful to use terminology that allows more space for exploration such 'open' or 'fluid.'”

2. Take your time

This discovery process is personal to you and can take as long–or as little–as you feel comfortable with. Ms. Spaccavento encourages, “Firstly, it is important to know that it is normal to have feelings of attraction to the same gender or sex. Doing some reading and research about alternative sexual orientations can be really helpful (only use trusted and reputable sources such as local community group and government sources).” This is extremely important when discovering sexual orientation because the more time and research put into the discovery, the less confusing and more confidence boosting it will be!

Another way to make this process easier is to acknowledge your feelings and accept the way you’re feeling. Autumn Dube, a recent graduate of Emmanuel College, says, “It can be both scary and frustrating when you start to question your sexuality. One of the best things you can do is to not fight what you're feeling. It may seem easier to try to deny your emotions or tell yourself it's just a phase, but in the long run this denial does more damage than good.”

She adds, “It's natural to question what you're feeling, but it's not healthy to stuff down your emotions. You will learn to accept yourself as time passes, and you will find incredible support along your journey, but just remember it's okay to be confused from time to time. Your feelings and sexuality are valid, whatever they may be.”

3. Talk to someone

One of the best things to do when you’re confused is talk to someone! Ms. Spaccavento recommends, “Making contact with local community groups that offer support and discussion groups and events can be a great way to start to meet like minded people as well as explore any feelings of confusion that may arise. And of course, if you become distressed or confused, reaching out to an experienced and trained therapist can be a safe way to begin to explore your feelings…Talking to trusted and safe friends that have alternative sexual orientations can also be really helpful and of course, getting out there either in-person or online to meet others can also be a great way to explore.” Getting to know other people in the LGBTQ+ community can be so beneficial. Some might be going through the same thing as you while some might be past that point and could pass along advice or stories of their own experiences.

Throughout this time, the most important thing to remember is that this is completely normal. Almost everybody questions their sexuality at some point in their life and understanding those feelings is only going to make you feel even better about yourself. Self-acceptance and having patience with yourself is going to be a key part in your journey. Go forward with pride, collegiettes!

Silk or lace wedding dress? An intimate courthouse ceremony or the wedding of the century? These may be minor details now, but your dream wedding could say a lot about when exactly you'll be getting married.

It’s no secret that relationships are a lot of work—and I do mean that in the very best way possible! Relationships require oodles of effort and TLC as well as a decent balance of give and take to really make one flourish. It’s all worth it when all of that extra work results in a happy and healthy relationship on both sides!

There are relationships, however, that lack in some of these areas, which can result in some unfortunate outcomes such as cheating or an affair. One common misconception about cheating is that it’s all physical, which isn’t necessarily true. Enter the emotional affair.

So, what exactly is an emotional affair, and could one be affecting your relationship? We spoke to a few collegiettes to find the meaning behind an emotional affair as well as four signs you can look for that may indicate your significant other is pursuing one, or is maybe just vulnerable to one. Either way, it's important to be aware of the signs!

1. The two of you aren’t as close as you once were

Remember those days when you and your SO happily spent almost every waking moment together? While it is common for relationships to find their groove and settle into a routine that involves less time together, there is a difference between having needed space and actually feeling distant–especially emotionally.

Alex Christensen, a senior at the University of Iowa, believes that this idea serves as an explanation behind the reason for an emotional affair.

“I think the idea of an emotional affair comes from the idea that you and your significant other aren't as close as you once were,” says Alex. “A big sign of this is spending time apart that you would normally be together.” While space is a factor for most healthy relationships, there can be situations where it feels as if the two of you are spending more than enough time apart.

The distance doesn’t just have to be physical, however. While you may have noticed that date nights have become way less frequent and your time spent together has dwindled, you’ll also want to look out for whether you and your SO have lost any closeness emotionally.

“It doesn't even necessarily have to be with someone they could be interested in, it could just be a friend,” Alex continues. “You start to feel distant even though you're still together.”

If you’ve noticed your SO hasn’t sought out any emotional support or attention from you in quite some time, it could be because they’ve been receiving it from someone else, or have considered reaching out to others for that emotional fulfillment. 

2. You’ve noticed some strange and secretive technological behavior

You brush it off at first, but as time goes on, it becomes a bit more obvious. Their social media and smartphone usage has definitely increased—and not in a good way.

Maybe your partner has been on their phone a lot more than they usually are—especially when you’re together—and has become way more secretive about who they’ve been texting. Maybe you’ve noticed some Snapchats pop-up from a name you may not recognize, or an increase in Facebook and Twitter usage after they swore they would never use sites like those.

“I know people who will use Twitter and Facebook DMs to stay in contact with people who they don’t want their boyfriend or girlfriend to know that they’re talking to,” says Alyssa*, a junior at Carthage College. “With passwords and all that, it’s easy enough to keep those messages hidden. A lot easier and sneakier than communicating through text.”

Social media is a common mode of communication and sometimes the only one when it comes down to those pursuing emotional affairs. The ding of a DM, Snapchat or text from someone new can be exciting and replicate those butterfly-ish feelings that the two of you shared when you entered the “talking stage," and can be easy enough to conceal if they so wish.

If your partner has been craving more attention and has offered no explanation for their increased smartphone usage, then there could be an unfortunate reason behind it. While increased social media usage and secretive cell phone behavior are not exclusive to an emotional affair, it does raise a few red flags. If your SO is unwilling to justify their recent behaviors to you, then they may have turned to social media to pursue the likes of an emotional affair.

Related: Could You Be Emotionally Cheating On Your SO?

3. Their attitude toward you has changed

Sure, it’s normal to be in a bad mood occasionally, but now it’s starting to feel like your SO’s attitude has changed toward you completely. While pursuing an emotional relationship with someone else, your SO can begin fantasizing about all the things this new person is or does that you’re not or don’t do, and begin to criticize you for it.

While this doesn’t sound fair in the slightest, your SO may be lashing out at you for the most random things such as your appearance or the shows you watch because they have grown to enjoy the things about the other person and have created this ideal image that you no longer fit. This emotional affair they’ve developed has made a new mold, so if you start to notice that you just aren’t measuring up to your SO’s expectations lately, there may be a deeper reason behind it.

Of course, it isn't always so easy to tell why your SO is lashing out. Your SO could very well be lashing out at you for different reasons, such as stress with work or their family, even if those things don't necessarily have anything to do with you. You'll want to rule out any other sources of emotional stress before considering an emotional affair as the sole reason for their change in attitude toward you. 

4. You can just feel it

They say that you should always trust your gut feeling, and while it can be easy at times to convince yourself of something that’s not true, it’s important to approach any gut feelings when it comes to the health and wellness of your relationship with your SO.

“I think it's hard to determine signs of this [an emotional affair], rather it's more of a feeling,” says Alex. “You can just feel when you aren't as close to someone you love.”

This feeling is definitely a scary one, but if something just does not seem right within your relationship, you’ll probably want to communicate your feelings the best way you can to your SO. Feelings are unique to every person, but two huge indicators are if you feel detachment emotionally along with intimately. While these feelings can suggest an emotional affair, they could also just mean that the compatibility between the two of you as partners just isn't there. This is a good time to take a step back and reevaluate before making any decisions moving forward. 

Emotional affairs are as complex as our emotions themselves, but they are definitely not something to take lightly. Emotional affairs don’t really involve any physical contact, but an emotional relationship is just as important as a physical one, so you’ll want to look out for signs that your SO is having their emotional needs met from someone else—especially if their treatment of you has took a turn for the worst because of it. While these signs are not exclusive to an emotional affair, they are very telling, so if you suspect your SO is engaging in one, then you'll want to ensure that you appropriately address the subject with your partner ASAP.

*Name has been changed

Whether you were home with your SO all summer and you’re moving back to different parts of the country in the fall, or you were in a temporary LDR, transitioning back to school can feel unnatural. This new set-up is definitely going to take some adjusting, especially if this was your first summer as a couple. We talked to Jodi R.R. Smith, president and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting to help you make sense of the situation, no matter what the circumstances of your relationship are.

If you’re moving back to the same school

The situation

So you and your SO were apart all summer, and although it was hard, you had gotten used to it. Now that school is starting, you’re worried that things will be awkward between you two.

What to expect

There are a few reasons why jumping back into your college relationship isn’t easy. “There is something so old-fashioned and romantic about a text-call-letter-only relationship,” Smith says. “When suddenly you have the option of spending actual time together, things change. You may have changed as well.”

Three months of summer as a collegiette can change you more than you could imagine, which is part of why reuniting with your partner might feel unnatural.

Lindy Olive, a senior at Auburn University, and her boyfriend have had to deal with this every other semester for the past year and a half; he works one semester and goes to school the next. “His job was seven hours away from our university, so it was kind of crazy,” Lindy says. “I would get used to being in a long-distance relationship with him and then the next semester we would have to readapt to being with each other all the time.” This was far from ideal, but the collegiette’s couple made it through—and so can yours.

How to handle it

There are plenty of simple ways for your relationship to go back to normal. “Coming back to campus, include some dates as part of reconnecting,” Smith says. “Go to dinner together, take some long walks and chat about your summers as well as your expectations for the fall.”

Don’t overdo it, though! “Spending 24 hours a day together for the first few days is completely understandable,” Smith explains. “But then you need to focus on school and get back into your routine. Do not ignore your other friends; it is important to focus on those connections as well.”

Based on her experience, Lindy could not agree more. You need to “set boundaries for how much you hang out,” she says.” “When my boyfriend comes back to college, we hang out 24/7 just because we are so excited to be with each other again.” But Lindy always makes sure to carve out time for her friends and family, because “you can't go to your boyfriend about everything,” she says. “Sometimes, you need your girls to help you out.”

For the collegiette, communication was key to handling the situation. “We had to grow up a ton and learn about ourselves to make it work, Lindy says. “But it was totally worth it, because he got job experience he needed and our relationship is stronger than ever.” Bottom line: getting back into your habits as a couple won’t come instantly, but it will eventually—promise.

If you’re going back to different schools

The situation

You and your SO are high school sweethearts, or maybe you got together over break. Now that the semester is about to start, you’re moving back to different schools across the country, and you’re going to miss each other like crazy!

What to expect

Being in an LDR is tough, especially after spending so much time together over the summer. “My ex-boyfriend and I live in the same town but go to college separately, so it was always hard going back to school after being together for the summer,” says Rachel Petty, a junior at James Madison University.

Lindy had to get used to being with her boyfriend long-distance as well, when he went back to work every other semester. Being in an LDR means seeing each other once every few weeks or even months, communicating exclusively via text or Skype, and worrying about what the other might be doing. It can get messy, but it doesn’t have to be!

How to handle it

While you and your SO are home, you want to make the most of each other. Talking about being apart is probably the last thing you want to do, but it is necessary. “The key here is to have a conversation before returning to school about expectations,” Smith says. “Long-distance relationships can work if both partners are committed to keeping it going. There needs to be a frank discussion about what it means to be together.”

For instance, if you need your partner to send you cute texts more often, or he or she is worried about you cheating, you have to bring it up—however uncomfortable it may be.

Lindy and her boyfriend, who are going to live close to each other for good, have become seasoned experts when it comes to LDRs. “Before the semester starts, go ahead and plan a weekend or two out of the semester to see your SO,” she suggests. “You can plan your studies and hobbies around that date, so when you do get to see him/her, you can focus on having fun with each other and not school.”

Additionally, Lindy and her boyfriend made sure to take turns traveling to see each other. “For example, in the fall semester, my boyfriend would do most of the traveling because I was overwhelmed with school,” she says. “This summer, I did all of the traveling because my job allowed me to work remotely.”

Whatever you do, make sure to talk to your SO on a daily basis when you go back to school. “It's important to keep communicating and share what's going on in each of your lives,” Rachel says. “If you leave each other out of the loop, you'll feel less connected.”

As for Lindy’s advice to collegiettes like her—you guessed it—”communicate as much as possible,” she says. “Although I consider our relationship strong and healthy, it was difficult to remember why I loved my boyfriend so much when he wasn't five minutes down the road to easily hang out or go eat together. The stresses of the semester allow you to easily forget about or fight with that person.”

For Lindy, calling, texting and Skyping was essential to her relationship’s success. And as an inspiration to us all, the collegiette concludes: “Remember it's a difficult situation. You are going to fight and bicker about it. But don't let long distance be the reason to quit something so special.” We could not have said it better!

If one of you graduated

The situation

You and your SO went to the same school, but one of you graduated this past spring. This might be even more difficult than going back to being long-distance, since you have grown used to being together on campus. “My boyfriend just graduated from Miami of Ohio, and we have been together since my freshman year, meaning that we saw each other regularly on campus,” says Shelby Hyde, a senior collegiette. “This summer, I was in NYC working as an intern, and he was working back home, but we have made it work, as he came to visit.”

But with graduation comes new opportunities, job offers, volunteer trips, etc., and you two could end up on opposite sides of the country—or even the world. Unfortunately for Shelby, her boyfriend is moving to China for nine months in the fall. “He was given an amazing opportunity to work overseas, and we have decided that with the help of Skype, WhatsApp and even resorting to snail mail, that we would do our best to make it work,” she says.

What to expect

One of the biggest issues you might face in this situation is not being on the same page as your partner anymore. Deciding to stay together is not a light decision to make, although it can absolutely work. “After a few weeks, see how things are going,” Smith says. “Are you happy? Is your partner happy? If so, continue the relationship by keeping in contact and making plans to see each other again soon. If not, it might be time to take a break.”

But even if you do decide to break up, it could be temporary. “Graduating from college is a major lifecycle milestone and it has challenges,” Smith says. “At this time of your lives, breaking up is not always forever. Sometimes it takes a bit of time apart to find yourselves and get settled in your careers before rekindling the campus romance.”

Obviously, breaking up is far from being your only option. Shelby is determined to make her relationship work. “Though the 12-hour time difference will be difficult, we have endured a temporary LDR at some point during our relationship and there are definitely ways to make it work,” she says.

How to handle it

We’re not teaching you anything new when we say that the key to any strong relationship is to be completely honest and open with each other. “Again, communication is key,” Jodi says. “ It is perfectly acceptable to pledge your undying love for one another. In fact, this may provide a degree of comfort and security for the one who has graduated and is trying to make his/her way in the great big world.”

Shelby knows that communication is essential, but she has also learned that “using FaceTime or Skype every day doesn't necessarily help. It is important to each maintain your own life, and plan to talk via these platforms once or twice a week to catch each other up on the exciting and sometimes mundane happenings in your lives. But discussing what works for you beforehand is definitely important, so that nothing is left up in the air.”

Basically, you should make sure that you and your SO are on the same page before you are far away from each other. If you are both determined to stay together, then it will come somewhat naturally, i.e. you won’t feel the need to Skype twice a day to check up on what your partner is doing.

Whatever your situation, the summer-to-school transition can be messy. But if you communicate with your SO and remember to spend time with your friends and family as well, your relationship will come out all the stronger. Have a great year, collegiettes!

If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you know the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. Insta-worthy sushi dates, Friday night parties and Netflix marathons are only half of the experience. Whether you’ve been seeing your SO for three weeks or three years, chances are they’ve struggled – or will struggle – with something. College is one of the most difficult times in a person’s life, especially with additional unexpected personal struggles. A family death on top of three exams in a week may call for extra support on your part. When your SO faces a challenge they didn’t plan, there are things you can do to help them overcome it.

1. Listen attentively

No one should ever have to go through a tough time alone. While it’s really important for your SO to have a supportive tribe of friends and family members, sometimes those people aren’t always available or willing to listen. If you want to help your SO, be their go-to person who can just sit and listen to whatever they have to say. Madison Becker, a junior at Kent State University, agrees that doing this one simple thing can make all the difference.

“I would say not only listening is important but also showing that you’re actively paying attention,” she says. “Sometimes all people need is someone to talk to, but if the listener isn’t mentally present, it’s like talking to a wall.”

It may be hard for you to listen to your SO’s problems when you have plenty of your own. A fight with a sibling, a late homework assignment or an unexpected breakout are the least of your problems. However, your job is to listen whenever your SO wants to rant or feels the need to cry.  

2. Provide empathy and advice if asked

While silence may be enough for a particular situation, your SO may seek comfort or advice in others. Kind words can do wonders. Dr. Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist, media personality and bestselling author based in Beverly Hills, believes there are certain things you should and should not say to a struggling SO.

“You should tell them ‘I get it. It must really hurt that (such and such) happened’ or ‘I feel bad that you’re going through such a tough time. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,’” she says. “You shouldn’t tell them ‘You’re such a downer and no fun to be with anymore’ or ‘Why can’t you just get over it already?’”

Sometimes all your SO wants is comfort, not advice. Voicing your own opinion about something you don’t know much about, such as their financial situation or mental health history could possibly create a new conflict. Becker also says, “Unless your SO is asking for advice on what to do, I would avoid offering your own opinion on the situation and remind them that everything is going to be alright in the end.”

Knowing when to stay quiet can be confusing and abiding by your SO’s wishes can be tough, but if you really care for them, you should respect their wants and needs.

Related: What to Do If Your SO Has Anxiety or Depression 

3. Be there for them physically

If you ever performed in a recital or concert as a kid, you probably looked out at the audience to find your loved ones. Having someone you care about support you from the sidelines honestly means everything. The same concept applies to supporting your SO through a difficult situation. Although you shouldn’t spend your every waking hour with them, you should try to open up your schedule and spend some quality time together. If that means watching a movie together while cuddling or having a heart-to-heart conversation, do those things. If your SO wants you to attend a funeral or an appointment with them, do those things too.  

Kaitlin Rush, a senior at the University of Scranton, made sure she was available for her boyfriend when his father passed away. “Just being there was the best I could do for him,” she says. “I was a shoulder to cry on and tried to remind him of the fun he had with his dad.”

In long-distance relationships, physical presence can prove to be nearly impossible in some cases. You can call and facetime your SO, but it’s not going to be the same as being there next to them. You can’t hug through a phone. Jay Hurt, a relationship coach and author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, insists that if you can manage a trip to see your SO, it’s totally worth it for the both of you.

“There’s like an energy that we pull from each other when we’re there for each other,” he says. “I think it’s important to find a way to be there periodically – either once every six months or once a year or whatever it is. There needs to be some way to fill in those gaps when you can.”

Making a small sacrifice to be there physically for your SO can make a huge difference.

4. Encourage them to seek outside help if necessary

Although it’s critical to be honest and open with your SO, there comes a point when too much emotional dependency can take a toll on both you and the relationship. A tough situation can strengthen the bond between two romantic partners if one doesn’t rely consistently on the other for heavy advice and physical presence.

“If you start taking on all the emotional responsibility for your SO, it will be very harmful to your relationship,” Dr. Lieberman says “You will become their crutch and you will start to resent it. They will feel bad about themselves and start to resent you, too.”

If your SO won’t talk to another trusted individual, you might want to consider sitting down with them to discuss pursuing professional help, such as a therapist. Staging an intervention and catching them off-guard is much different than clear communication. Hurt believes that communication is key to avoid a rift in the relationship.

“You have to communicate how you feel, what the expectations are, and how you want to interact,” he says. “You have to communicate and let that person know and talk through these things or eventually you’ll pull away.  You’ll lose the relationship because you didn’t work through that issue.”

It’s going to get really complicated if you can’t learn to advocate for both you and your SO.

5. Give them space if they want it

Everyone deals with negative feelings differently. If your SO is the type of person who builds walls and shuts down when they’re stressed, it may be best to leave them alone. Healing is a unique emotional process. Some yearn for constant attention while others want complete isolation. It might be hard for your SO to let you know they need space.

Dr. Lieberman advises, “If your SO closes up during a tough time, don’t keep nagging them. Although the cause may have nothing to do with you, if you keep nagging, you’re liable to finally get them to explode with, ‘You’re what’s wrong! I don’t ever want you to see you again!’”

You don’t want your helicopter tendencies to be the source of a new divide between you two. Your SO is already stressed and inside their head. Let them know you’re available to listen and talk whenever they’re ready, but don’t keep pressing them.

Being there for your SO during a rough patch in their life can be both rewarding and draining. However, it’s a part of a romantic relationship that simply can’t be avoided. We all experience failure, loss and disappointment. Having the support of not only your friends and family but also your SO can expedite the process of conquering whatever stands in your way. A relationship is a two-way street.  Hopefully by helping your struggling SO now, they’ll return the favor in the future.  

I see a couple of different versions of my life.

In one, I'm in a city. I wear high heels with red soles and drink black coffee and hail cabs on my way to the office. I have a glass of wine in my loft apartment every night and I might have a cat but I’m not sure yet.

In the other, I'm with you. We live in a cozy house in the country and have two dogs and maybe a couple kids and we’re happy. It’s a version of my life that I never considered before but now I can see it every night when I close my eyes.

See, I’ve never been much of a small town girl. Something in me just always believed I would end up in some big city with this big, fancy job, and that would be my life. I craved sexy lingerie and dimly lit restaurants. I wanted to wear heels to get groceries and get my hair blown out just because I felt like it. I wanted a city life. Now I just want you. I want a life with you.

And so I’m not dating. I can't. Because at the end of the day it just wouldn’t be fair. Because no matter many things he did right or how hard he tired, it was never going to be enough because he was never going to be you. No one else will ever be you.

I’m not dating because I’m not interested in where he works or what his mother’s name is or what makes his eyes light up with excitement. I don’t care what school he went to or where he spends his summer weekends. I don't care about him.

I’m not dating because I like that other version of my life. It feels safe and warm. It feels like we’d have Christmases with our parents but we’d host Thanksgiving. It feels like our bedroom would be painted yellow and I’d wake up smiling. It feels like everything I’ve always written about but never imagined I’d actually get. I’m not dating because this life is inextricably linked to you and no matter how hard I try, I can’t unlink it.

I see a couple different versions of my life. One is me in a city. The other is the reason I’m not dating. 

You still have that sun-kissed glow from summer and you’re wearing that super fabulous new dress you just bought… but did anyone else notice? Trying to catch the attention of a cute guy as the fall semester starts up can be hard—there are so many men on campus and so many places to find them! How do you find a setting that’s more intimate than a loud frat house on a crazy Friday night? Luckily, there are a ton of unconventional places to meet guys as you get into the swing of things this autumn!

Instead of: Your Dorm Hall Common Room

Try: Your Dorm Kitchen

There’s a reason why the old saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” has survived! Guys (especially college guys) gravitate towards any plate of food, so why not make sure you’re the one holding it? Not only can the dorm kitchen help you avoid only meeting people (ahem, hot guys) from your hall, but it’ll also help you sharpen your cooking skills!

Tasha Wang, a junior at Wesleyan University, used the dorm kitchen to her advantage last year. At first she was only using her cooking as a way to eat better food, but she soon found that many of the people coming around the kitchen were guys—very cute guys at that! “One night, I made super delicious sugar cookies with homemade frosting,” she says. “The next thing I know, I’m surrounded by about 15 guys, all asking if they can grab a cookie or two!”

Using food as a segue, Tasha was able to strike up more genuine conversations with some of the guys in her dorm over the course of several weeks and months. “At first they asked about my cooking, if I could cook and bake more often, stuff like that,” she says. “But eventually those conversations led to more intense discussions about other stuff, like classes and friends and feelings about being in college.”

Tasha’s tip for collegiettes trying to use food to get to a man’s heart? “Try baking first!” Tasha says. “Though guys will eat anything from steak to salad to spoiled milk, making cookies or cupcakes is an easy way for guys to take notice. And who doesn’t have a sweet tooth of sorts?”

Once you get a guy who loves food interested, try getting his number so you can text him the next time you cook (or when the food’s ready!). Talking about food is also a great way to keep any conversation going: what’s this guy’s favorite meal? Favorite dessert? Favorite food of all time? He shouldn’t be surprised if the next time he stops by, you’re cooking something he suggested!

Instead of: On-Campus Events

Try: Off-Campus Events

Many college clubs have retreats, away games or field trips, so there’s no better place to meet a guy than when exploring a brand new place together in a smaller, more intimate group!

Laura*, a sophomore at the Wesleyan University, met her boyfriend during a freshmen pre-orientation trip. They went kayaking with a small group of students, and she was able to get to know him better.

“We started out as friends, but getting to know him a setting different from a college campus was a great experience,” she says. “It was fun racing him in our kayaks, walking around and talking in the wilderness and just sort of being away from the fast pace of normal life, especially since I knew starting college was going to be nuts.”

Laura feels like she got to know him better than she would at school. “Freshman year can be especially overwhelming,” she says. “Everyone’s running around all the time, not knowing where to go, and it’s easy to completely forget who everyone is. By taking time to know John on that personal level before getting to school, we were able to grow even more once we were there.”

Off-campus events are relatively easy to sign up for; many groups on campus have something going on, so keep your eyes peeled and ask around! If not, create an off-campus event yourself. Talk with administrators, professors and other students about your college’s regulations for putting on an off-campus event. Even if you don’t connect with a potential partner, it’ll still be a great way to bond with other students!

Instead of: Tailgates

Try: Conferences or Panels

Many schools host a variety of conferences or panels for students about everything from social justice to academic rights to vegan food on college campuses. The nice thing about these events is that the people who care about the issues the most attend them, and this includes extremely passionate guys!

Marley*, a junior at the University of Texas, was sick of trying to meet guys at random pregames and tailgates. “I’m not a huge fan of the drunken party scene, especially the one that surrounds sports school culture,” she says. “It is so hard to really talk to anyone at those things. Everyone is wasted, guys are belligerent and you really can’t have any sort of conversation with anyone after the alcohol starts flowing.”

A couple months into her sophomore year, Marley attended a conference about women’s rights and ended up sitting next to a gorgeous blonde boy. “We listened to a speaker discuss sexual assault on college campuses,” she says. “But during a break right after the session, this guy and I started having a pretty awesome discussion about what we could do help women feel more secure in how universities handle sexual assaults.”

Overall, she felt it was a great conversation to have. “I got to meet someone whom I could talk to—sober, no less—about things I really cared about,” she says. “It was a small, relaxed setting (only about 20 people were in our session), so I was able to get to know him better than I would have during more traditional college events.”

The nice thing about smaller conferences and panels is that it’s easy to find conversation starters. Is there a cutie catching your eye? Casually ask him what he thought of the speaker(s). If he really liked the presentation, ask him if he’s involved with that particular cause on campus or if he knows any other events like this one that you could attend (who knows? Maybe you two could go together!). If he didn’t like it, there’s still room for discussion. Why didn’t he like it? If this particular panel wasn’t his style, what kind of activities is he into? There’s a way to make the most out of any situation!

Instead of: The Library

Try: The Campus Bookstore

Campus bookstores don’t typically seem like the most romantic places to meet someone (unless you’re an English major), but they can work, especially at the beginning of the semester!

First, there are the actual books. See a cutie getting the same psychology textbook as you? Ask if he’s in your class and what he’s heard about the professor. Is he a psych major, or he just taking this class for fun? If it ends up that you are in fact taking the same course, you now have a super attractive buddy to sit next to during the upcoming lecture (always a plus!).

Long lines in the bookstore are also a huge part of the beginning of fall semester. Hundreds of students are trying to get those last minute textbooks (and random college T-shirts) to start off the school year right. This interminable line can definitely include some nice guys. Strike up a conversation with the people standing in front of you and behind you. You’re all going to be waiting a long time for the cash register, so you might as well have some fun and meet some new people (including that adorable dude carrying a book by your favorite author!).

Instead of: Interest Clubs

Try: Volunteer or Community Service Organizations

Although interest clubs are great, it’s always good to expand your horizons and flex your Good Samaritan muscle by joining a volunteer or community service organization. Not only do you get to do good for your community, but you also get to meet some great guys who are doing the same thing!

Tasha also met several guys while volunteering with an organization that tutors elementary school kids close to Wesleyan’s campus. “It was so great seeing these guys interact with these kids,” she says. “You get to see them in a different light. And what’s cuter than a guy who’s genuine and wants to make the world a better place?”

As with her experiences cooking in her dorm kitchen, Tasha found that the volunteer organization was a great conversation starter with all the guys she worked with. “It was a lot less intimidating than trying to talk to them at a party,” she says. “I didn’t have to yell to be heard, and I didn’t have to dress up and look pretty for them to notice me. Instead, I got to know these guys as people who care about the world around them, and that was so cool to me!”

Though Tasha is part of several interest clubs on campus, she says that her work with the tutoring program helped her forge much stronger connections with her fellow volunteers. “I’ve actually got my eye on a boy that I met while tutoring,” she says. “I think what sealed the deal for me was watching him interact with this third grader who couldn’t understand decimals—it was great seeing him be so caring!”

Overall, you can find college guys anywhere; it’s all about seizing the right opportunity and striking up a conversation. The smaller and more intimate the space, the easier meeting a guy will be. Branch out of your usual spots this fall—you never know what you’ll find!

*Names have been changed.

The star of some team, the person always making everyone laugh, the dancer at the party—the guy everyone loves. Our favorite movie star characters have convinced us this is someone who would make the ideal boyfriend – they always do seem to fall in love at the end! Maybe you’re someone who scored a shot with one of these stereotypically-perfect guys, or maybe you haven't experienced this kind of guy because you’re just straight up intimidated by their loud, confident nature.

Guys like this aren’t your only chance to have a movie-like, Insta-worthy, but, most importantly, real relationship. The guy minding his business in the corner of the party could rock your world. He may come off as uninterested or maybe even pretentious, but he's just not as assertive and straightforward as the clichéd movie star “dream guy.” Here are some reasons you should give the shy guy a chance. 

Related: 7 Ways to Stop Falling for the Same Type of Guy

1. You will know him best

There is nothing more annoying than feeling like someone else knows your significant other better than you, or has a closer relationship with them. This will most likely be the least of your worries if you’re with a shy guy, since they don’t open up to just anyone. 

Adam LoDolce, founder of sexyconfidence.com, aims to help the 21st century woman create a love life she, well, loves. “Usually introverts are deeper thinkers,” he says, “and can connect on a much more emotional level once you get to know them.” The most exciting part about a relationship is getting to know the person more intimately; if he’s the outspoken, open-book type...there may not be much to learn. A relationship with a shy guy is more exclusive.

2. He’s a listener

You know those viral social media posts where girls upload a screenshot of a text that reads “this reminded me of you,” with an attached picture? The ones we all gush over and say is #relationshipgoals? Yup—expect this from your shy boo. Since he is a quiet guy, he will be especially attentive to what you’re saying. This leads to him remembering the little things, and sending you a text saying a certain thing reminded him of you, something you so subtly mentioned and are shocked and heart-eyed over the fact that he remembered.

3. He will be all about you

Now, an under-confident guy isn't necessarily desirable, but neither is an overly confident one, given that you may not be the primary receiver of their attention. 

Jessica Morley, who attends USW in the UK, recalls dating one of those "bad boy, confident, look-at-me" guys, and looks back on it thinking, "they are hard work and make you feel like you're competing against each other. I love a chilled out shy guy. That’s my type.”

After being with her “chilled out, shy guy” boyfriend for five years now, she can’t imagine going back to dating the former and this could be the case for you. Dr. Carole Lieberman, M.D., Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author, reaffirms that “a shy guy is less likely to be a ‘bad boy’ who will break your heart, compared to guys who are loud, flirtatious and think they are the coolest thing to walk the planet.”

Finding some new girlfriend probably isn’t a worry of the overly confident fella, so he might not be as focused on building your relationship. For a guy who is naturally shy or hesitant, though, it probably is a hardship of his to successfully communicate interest and start a relationship—so if he likes you enough to do so, you can most likely count on him treating you right.

Related: 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Gossip About Your Ex

4. You probably won’t be listening to the Lemonade album.

Of course, being all about you is synonymous with not cheating. “Not once when he was out did I worry he was being flirtatious with another girl," Kristin Trevi, a sophomore at Lynn University who has a shy boyfriend, says. "He was barely flirtatious with me in the beginning!”

We’ve all known that kind of girl who purposely takes things out of context, who will turn a friendly encounter into a “her boyfriend was totally flirting with me.” Well, your introverted boyfriend won’t even give your frenemies this opportunity. You may think refraining from talking to girls demonstrates insecurity, but it could actually be precisely the opposite.

“Shy does not equal immature [and] extroverted does not equal confident,” says Justin Stenstrom, life coach and author of the book Giving Shy Guys Game. If a guy is secure in himself, he will be selective, exactly the way the shy, introverted guys are.

5. You feel comfortable.

You know you’re close with someone when you’re able to sit in silence without it being awkward. Don’t get us wrong, though—it could definitely be awkward at first. Dr. Lieberman advises, “It’s best if the first dates with a shy guy are situations where you both don’t have to talk a lot—such as going to a movie or a concert, or going out in a group. Gradually, he will feel more comfortable and more talkative.”

You will soon become accustomed to the shy nature of your SO though, and learn to appreciate the times where you just sit there and get to soak each other in without feeling obligated to start conversation.

6. He’s just so cute.

C’mon, you can’t deny how cute it is when a guy is nervous. Awkward and tongue-tied—simply irresistible! Shy guys express themselves more through actions than words, so they will always be making efforts to do cute, thoughtful gestures for you. “I had a shy boyfriend in high school who was a grade above me,” says Amelia Alexander, a sophomore at Penn State University. “When he was on his senior trip, he wasn’t telling me he missed me in between all the fun he was having. I was kinda upset. Next thing I knew, flowers appeared at my door that he arranged from all the way across the country.” After all, actions speak louder than words.

So what now?

Now that you’re convinced you should give the shy guy a chance, there’s only one problem: he probably won’t initiate anything. LoDolce suggests “breaking the touch barrier,” since the guy will most likely be hesitant to do so, and is also respectful.

Don’t get us wrong—all shy guys aren’t angels. Dr. Lieberman reminds us “You should still be a little cautious, because some shy guys can turn into bad boys once you have dated them for a while, and given them the confidence to think they are too cool for you.”

It’s never good to be too optimistic or pessimistic about any relationship or even a type of guy – everyone’s different. Treat the shy guy like any other, keeping these certain things in mind, and he could definitely rock your world.

The dating pool in college is already pretty small, especially on more isolated campuses, and by now, you’re probably sick of seeing Tinder taunt you about having no one new around you. It only complicates things when you don’t know which girls on campus are into girls – there’s no secret code, after all. Don’t worry, though; there are plenty of available cuties around. You’ve just already met them!

It might seem awkward to rekindle things with girls you’ve already ended it with or to chat with an acquaintance from two years ago, but look at it this way: You get to skip the small talk. People change a lot in college, so maybe the girl who wasn’t right for you first semester is senior year’s Princess Charming.

1. The Girl From Orientation

Okay, so your freshman orientation was a long time ago. And yes, sometimes you cringe when you think about the people you met there whom you thought would be your BFFs but now you just awkwardly avoid in the hallways. But it wasn’t all bad – maybe it’s time to reconnect with the girl you were flirting with before college life made you way too busy. The next time you see her around, find an excuse to grab coffee and see if she’s just as great as you remember.

2. Your Floormate From Last Year

You've basically lived together, so by now you probably know each other pretty well. After all, sharing a bathroom gets people pretty comfortable with one another! So now that dormcest is no longer a concern, maybe it’s time to get to know each other in a different way. Grab a bite to eat and see where reminiscing leads.

3. The “Is She or Isn’t She?” Girl

You guys have talked and joked, but you were never quite sure if she was really into girls (and maybe she wasn’t sure if you were either). But it’s a new year, and you might just find that it’s worth a shot. Break out those snooping skills, and see if you two are destined to be more than friends!

4. Your Former Lab Partner

You could feel some sparks (ones that weren’t from the Bunsen burner), but you figured it was too complicated; what if you broke up and were stuck mixing chemicals together for the rest of the semester? That’s no longer a concern, and you already know each other well enough that it’s totally not weird to text her to hang out. What do you have to lose?

5. The One Who Got Away

It happens. You were crazy about her, but a stupid fight or a semester abroad really messed up what you had going. If she’s available, swallow your pride and see if getting back together is a good idea or if you were really destined to be a sad Taylor Swift song. The worst that can happen is you stay broken up, but if it works out, you’ll be closer than ever.

6. The Girl You See Everywhere

She’s president of the Pride chapter at your school. You sat near her in your writing seminar. She always seems to be ahead of you in line at Starbucks. Make the plunge and stop skirting around each other; you can’t help but notice how gorgeous she is every time you see her, and you know you have similar interests. Find an excuse to talk, whether through a mutual friend or even by saying exactly what you’re thinking—“I feel like I see you everywhere!”—and see where it takes you.

7. The Cute Freshman

A three- or four-year age difference used to be weird, but in college, a junior dating a freshman isn’t out of the ordinary. It might a little complicated, but it’ll be nice to see a fresh face or two around campus once the new crop of freshmen arrive. Strike up a conversation and flirt your way to a new relationship with a great girl.

8. Last Year’s FWB

Maybe you were too busy for a real relationship, or maybe you were just more interested in hooking up than dating, but last year, it was totally great to have FWB situation. Now, you’re looking to settle down, and you find yourself missing last year’s girl. Maybe feelings complicated things last year, but it’s time to talk about it! Put your pride aside and ask her if she’s interested in starting over.

9. The Girl From Home

LDRs are hard, but when you go home for vacations, it’s nice to have someone you can hang out with (especially if a lot of your high school friends have fallen by the wayside). You had a good thing going before you had to end it and leave for school, so shoot her a message and catch up. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be worth the trouble.

Finding other ladies to date around campus can seem impossible, especially when you think you’ve met them all and the LGBTQ+ community is smaller than you’d like. If you look around, though, you’ll notice all the great girls and see the awesome relationship potential that you may have missed when you first met them. Don’t limit yourself, and definitely don’t be afraid to go out on a limb –  you might just find your perfect match!

It’s a new school year, which means, in all its cheesy glory, a brand spanking new you! You may not realize it yet, but those summer months of internships, relaxation and sun have matured us all—it’s better to blame it on the tan than the actual fact that we’re growing up, we’re big girls now. That being said, we’re saying goodbye to the days of promising ourselves we’ll find a boyfriend or girlfriend while stuffing our faces with Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream on the couch. This year, collegiettes’ love resolutions will be about confidence, self-respect and everything else that will rock everyone’s world…starting with our own. We’ve compiled a list of four love resolutions (and tips for putting them into action) that will make this school year the best one yet.

1. I will confront my crush.

“I think my new semester's love resolution is to finally have a conversation with this guy I've been crushing on. We met at a party, he seemed super into me and even asked for my number, but I get very nervous whenever I see him!” Kelsey from Boston University says.

So you’ve been crushing on this guy or girl for, we don’t know, ever. Well, this year, it’s time to take some action. If he or she hasn’t made a move yet, then it’s your time to step up to the plate—the ball’s in your court.

We know, easier said than done. However, in the grand scheme of life, what do you have to lose? You’re not dating, so you can’t break up. If you’re friends, confronting him or her won’t completely and totally ruin your friendship, assuming you let yourself move on. If you’re acquaintances, then you could end up as friends—and almost every great relationship starts off with that as a solid foundation.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a Professor of Psychology at California State University and a relationship expert who’s been featured as one of Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, adds that pining after someone for so long can get pretty tiring. This year, it’s time to rip the bandaid off with one quick pull. “As I see it, you may as well get in there, be yourself and see what happens,” Durvasula says. “Waiting is not likely to create change, and in the interim, someone else may snatch him or her up.”

The absolute worst thing that can happen is he or she says no. But if that’s the case, then he or she clearly wasn’t good enough for you. After a well-deserved trip to your fave froyo joint and a Sex and the City marathon, you’ll be as good as new—and you’ll eventually have a story to laugh about with your girlfriends (not to mention a completely valid reason to seek revenge…totally kidding. Maybe.).

“But keep in mind, even if he or she says no—you are still you," Durvasula says. "It isn’t an indictment of you. Think of the guys or girls you have said no to—it wasn’t personal, it just wasn’t a fit,”

How To Do It?

Like we said before, it’s a whole lot easier to imagine a perfect situation where you approach that campus cutie in your chemistry lab, ask him or her out and then ride off into the sunset together living happily ever after. But let’s get real—college isn’t exactly the set of a Disney movie (although I’m sure more than a few of us have lost a shoe after a night out…or before the clock struck midnight).

So just how exactly do you go about creating your 21st century, fairytale-esque, I-just-hope-I-don’t-have-anything-in-my-teeth dreams a reality? While there are no foolproof scenarios you can concoct, there are ways to talk to that special guy or girl without desperately wanting to crawl under your bed and hide forever.

Durvasula recommends approaching him or her wherever and whenever you feel most comfortable.

“If you are at the same party, wonderful, a perfect place to approach," he says. "Time it right, catch his or her smile across the room or comment on something he or she is looking at or wearing. At the end of the day, the more times you take the initiative, the bolder you will get, and the boldness will ultimately get you to the right match for you.”

Scenario: 

If you see him out, go up and talk to him! Parties are all about mixing and mingling, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary to start chatting him or her up. With a little liquid courage if you’re of age (and we mean a little—we’re not trying to channel Cady Heron by throwing up on Aaron Samuels), be that confident collegiette that you know you are deep down inside. If you’re nervous at first, ask your friends to come with you, letting them know that once conversation is flowing, they can subtly and slyly walk away. So, what are good conversation starters? Class, summer, Greek life, even the breed of his or her dog—anything you’re interested in! A pretty good go-to is, "Hey, how are you? I haven’t seen you around in a while, what’s new?" But what if you guys haven’t really formally met? Well, if you have mutual friends, ask them to casually introduce you two. We're also a supporter of not-so-accidentally bumping into him or her. From there, you can apologize for your clumsy (but not alcohol-induced) trip and strike up a conversation. But just remember, this is the 21st century; there’s no need to wait for him or her to ask you for your number. Be confident and cute, and ask him or for his or her digits! You’d be surprised how sexy confidence can be.

Just remember collegiettes, however you decide to approach him or her (aka lure him or her in), be direct! Psychotherapist Mary Waldon, LCSW says, “Ask for a date. Call it a date. No need to go on and on about your feelings and the history. Just say you like him or her and ask for a date.” Let’s be honest, you have about five minutes (read: seconds) before his or her mind wanders off. Catch his or her attention while you can!

2. I will say goodbye to hopeless hook-ups

“I won't go into random hook-ups with the hope that they will turn into relationships," Taylor* from University of Michigan says. "Instead, I'll indulge in a few spontaneous hook-ups, but the rest of the time take things slowly and give guys a chance to get to know me before I let them get to know me in an intimate way." 

Random hook-ups and DFMOs—dance floor make-outs—have seemingly become staples of the college experience. But why? Does anything beneficial really come out of shoving your tongue down a stranger’s throat? While we can all agree that random hook-ups are basically pointless, a lot of collegiettes still take part in those awkwardly public, very drunk make-out sessions… usually in hopes that it will turn into something more. Although we're taking a wild guess here, we're going to assume that about 99.99 percent of these one-time hook-ups stay as just that: one-time hook-ups. However, there’s no real mystery to this one.

“There is nothing wrong with a bit of rolling around together, unless there is a part of you in the back of your mind that hopes it will become something more,” Jeffrey Sumber, psychotherapist and adjunct professor at National-Louis University, says. “Let's be honest with ourselves first. People get turned off when they find someone who says he or she just wants to hook up but then [wants] more afterwards. Many people want the truth and get frustrated when the ‘truth’ isn't the message at the outset.”

When it comes down to it, a fun little romp between the sheets just doesn’t establish anything but a physical connection.

“Both sex and relationships thrive with honesty. Be honest about whichever it is you are after, relationship or sex. If it is both, then I'd recommend beginning with connection and taking it a few notches slower on the physical plane. If a guy or girl is too impatient after a few dates, then he or she is probably not the right guy or girl for you,” Sumber says.

So come fall semester, we’re making a change. Say goodbye to constant, hopeless and empty hook-ups, and say hello to finally making a legitimate connection with that hottie at the bar.

How To Do It?

Fight the urge! Instead of going straight to the hook-up, try making out what he or she’s all about and getting to know him or her — show off your self-respect and confidence. By the end of the night, after an awesome conversation, you decide if it’s the right time for that special first kiss. Keeping him or her guessing all night long will definitely hold his or her attention, and who doesn’t like a little chase?

Scenario:

You met a frat star last week and totally fell for him. But he only texts you when he’s drunk late at night. He’s only interested in hooking up, but you want more—you really like him. There are different ways to handle this: you can wait it out for a little and see where it goes, or play hard-to-get and say no when he calls you at 2 a.m. to come over and “hang.” In a situation like this, he’s usually only using you for a little you-know-what. If you’re looking for something more, you have to express that, otherwise things will stay just as they are, as pointless hook-ups. You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) outright say, “I want a relationship. Right now. Or else,” but you can suggest going to dinner one night or seeing a movie (outside of his Netflix account and his bedroom).

3. I Won’t Jump Into A Relationship Too Quickly

"I'll take my relationships day by day," Alexa from JMU says.

This one goes hand-in-hand with number two. We all love meeting new guys or girls with the hopes of something bigger and better coming along with him or her. But at the same time, sometimes we tend to jump too soon. Here’s how it goes: you meet a nice guy or girl, you hit it off and you start picking out country clubs for the wedding reception. That is how it works, right? Surprisingly enough, not exactly (don’t worry, our minds were blown too). As it turns out, too much too soon can, and most likely will, scare any guy or girl off in a heartbeat.

“While I’m a fan of being honest about one’s excitement and interest, [you] need to remember that [your] enthusiasm might be a bit much for someone [you] are just getting to know,” Sumber says. While Sumber doesn’t believe in following a specific set of rules when it comes to the dating scene (waiting to for him or her to call you, no double-texting, etc.), he does add that it’s best to “give yourself some space to marinate in the experience! Allow yourself to truly feel the feelings without rushing to the next interaction.”

If you think about it from his or her perspective, wouldn’t an obsessive, stage-five clinger turn you off, especially after only meeting him or her a week ago? While this is obviously a more extreme case, it does get the point across: slow it down, and get to know him or her before you start picking out baby names.

But while you’re off trying to play it cool, even though you’re completely and utterly gushing on the inside, don’t forget to show some interest. “People like that you are interested. In fact, most people will not pursue you unless they know in no uncertain terms that you are interested,” Sumber says. So while you’re desperately attempting to ignore him or her at a party, just give up the act and shoot him or her a smile from across the room.

How To Do It?

While all the voices in your head are screaming, shouting, chanting, “Text him or her! Text him or her! Text him or her!” hold yourself back. Although it’s perfectly normal (and sane) to shoot him or her a text here and there when something reminds you of him or her (‘I saw the soccer team practicing today, you guys looked great out there’ or ‘I literally waited in line at Dunkin’ Donuts for two hours today, you’re right, I definitely should invest in my own Keurig’), don’t abuse the fact that you have his or her number, sending him or her text after text after text with no reply from his or her end. If you’re looking for something more, play it cool in the beginning to see just where this thing goes.

Waldon agrees, noting that collegiettes shouldn’t over-text or be too available. “If you have a tendency toward this type of behavior, enlist the help of a friend to help you rein it in,” she recommends. “A few basic rules of thumb: don’t text again until you receive a text back. If you tend to be an over-texter, make a pact with a friend. Either check in with the friend before you text or text your friend instead!”

Scenario:

You met a girl at a party and completely and utterly fell head-over-heels—she’s literally your dream come true. Problem is, she’s still suffering (seriously, suffering) over her recent break-up with her ex-girlfriend. You figure it’s fine; she has to get over it eventually. So you text her saying you had fun hanging out and all that jazz. She responds, but nothing much comes from the conversation. What do you do next? While you can always go for the classic "I will stalk you until you decide to marry me" move, you’re probably better off letting her come to you. She’s still heartbroken, so by throwing yourself at her, you’re only bound to become her rebound. She has to make the decision to move on on her own terms. Pushing or persuading will do nothing but hurt the situation. It’s a slow process, but if you suggest grabbing coffee together when she’s ready (something light and easy), something positive can surely arise.

4. I Will Make My Relationships Work

“I'm going to be a freshman and I'm going to school [five] hours away from home where my boyfriend of two years is staying! So my love resolution is to keep my relationship as strong as possible without being able to see him often," Laura from University of Wisconsin says.

Every year, collegiettes across the country vow to keep their boyfriend or girlfriend and to stay in a relationship during the school year. Whether you’re at the same school or 500+ miles apart, every relationship takes work. While it may seem easier just to call it quits, having a long-distance relationship in college is doable, especially with all the technology that surrounds us (shout-out to Facebook, Skype, texting and all that’s in between). But before deciding on anything this groundbreaking (I mean, choosing a new nail polish color takes tons of deliberation for us), make sure that this is not only something you want to do, but something that you should be doing.

“College is an extraordinary time—time for self-discovery and the discovery of others, and a long distance relationship can often distance a person from staying in the moment at her own college and in her own college experience,” Durvasula says. However, if you’re ready and willing to make the commitment, then you can make it work.

How To Do It?

Communication is key. You can’t be with someone if you never speak—that’s what marriage is for (totally kidding). We all have our ridiculously busy schedules (who knew college would be more taxing than anything else we’ve done thus far?), but we do have down time. While there’s the obvious phone call, Facebook message, Tweet and email, Durvasula also recommends adding something a little more romantic (and foreign to our generation) to your relationship: snail mail. Just picture it: how absolutely melt-worthy adorable would it be if your boyfriend or girlfriend wrote you a handwritten letter? Yeah, we thought you’d agree.

But don’t forget to make time for your college friends–they are the people you’ll be spending the next four years making fabulous mistakes with. So how do you go about this extreme balancing act (we'd like to see Gabby Douglas try this one out) and still come out with gold? It’s all about the scheduling.

“Schedule limited Skype, FaceTime or phone time, a beginning and an end time, so you know when you will connect with your boyfriend or girlfirend, and still be able to live your life at school,” Waldon says. “Schedule time to get together, plan trips to each other’s campus and incorporate friends into at least some of that time.”

Scenario:

Since he asked you to the prom your junior year, you’ve been basically glued to your boyfriend’s hip. You’ve stuck by each other through thick and thin, but now it’s time to go your separate ways—how heart-wrenching is that? But you’ve both thought long and hard, and decided that you can defy the statistics, you can overcome the stigma and you can have a long distance relationship. So you set off to your different schools to live different lives, while still holding on to what you have as a couple. You both want to have the full college experience (whatever that is) that everyone keeps talking about. So while you Skype every Monday, Facebook chat every Wednesday in class and text almost all day long, you also make sure you’re spending time with your new college friends. One weekend, you focus on your college world, only talking to your boyfriend here and there—you update him about everything on Monday. Another weekend, one of you visits the other at his or her school, absorbing each other’s own college life. You’ve figured out your own schedule and way to have a lasting relationship, and only you two can make it work after putting in what you think is the perfect amount of effort.

So collegiettes, did we miss your love resolution for the new school year? Let us know what you’re pledging to when it comes to love this year in the comment box below!

We’ve all been there – the tissues, the endless rom-coms, tons of ice cream and, of course, stashing their phone when needed. Break ups are hard, but having someone by your side makes all the difference.

As stated in the Best Friend Contract, section five subsection A, ‘in case of break up, loads of alcohol, Disney movies and ice cream are necessary.’ You’ll need a breakup survival emergency kit with the above-mentioned supplies as well as additional provisions. Those may include unflattering selfies of the ex, and daily reminders that he or she ain’t shit.

Forget about the SO

Think of your BFF’s ex as Voldemort—he or she shall not be named. Mentioning their name may bring back memories or feelings for your BFF. Pretending they don’t exist (or died in the battle of Hogwarts) is much more comforting than thinking about what their ex is up to now.

 “Don’t bring up her ex-SO and don’t let her fall into the trap of drunk-texting her ex,” Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth University, says. “Send her a bouquet of roses, take her out for dinner or to the mall, go to the club—just do something fun to remind her that she doesn’t need a SO to be happy!”

Whether your BFF is fighting with her SO or they’ve broken up, friend dates are super necessary during any rough patches in relationships. Some girl time will give her a chance to say things she wouldn’t say to her SO or ex. Now, don’t try to shut your friend up if she mentions her ex either. Validating her feelings and listening to what she has to say is always important.

Delete the old Instagram pictures

Okay its official – your BFF is DONE with her ex. She’s certain they’re never getting back together and it’s time for phase two: deleting the evidence from social media. This step is a MUST if your BFF really wants them out of their life. It might be easier for your BFF if you’re the one to go though and delete all the pictures of them together – that way she won’t be reminded of the good times. Just don’t offer to do it without your BFF asking first, imposing your own inclinations isn’t what she needs right now.

“It all depends on personal preference,” Jessica Morley, a student at University of South Wales, says “If it was a really emotional time, then maybe it's best to just block instead of being reminded of that person, but, if you could be strong and be the better the person I would not block them because it looks like you care and one day it will get easier, and you will see his name and not think twice.”

Dr. Betsy Guerra, a licensed psychotherapist in Miami has helped clients from all backgrounds and types of psychological concerns, and she mainly deals with psychodynamic behaviors and cognitive-behavioral techniques. She says, “Those memories are part of your life, and even when deleted from a phone they remain in your heart. Healing comes from within. However, if you find yourself obsessing over pictures, his social media, or looking at your phone to see if he's written or called – then it may be appropriate to put boundaries on yourself by either deleting pictures or blocking him to ease your anxiet. On the other hand, keeping those pictures helps some women work on their will power by training themselves to not look at them if it’s hurtful. It can also help revive memories of why you are broken up and reassure you of the decision.”

Every break-up is different, and even if it’s a mutual split, every person can react differently. It’s imperative to know how your friend wants to deal with her feelings so you can be there for her in the best way possible. Maybe she doesn’t want to delete the old pictures, and that’s okay! Instead, you can be there by helping her avoid slipping back into a potentially toxic relationship.

Dust off the old dating profile

Phase three: help her set up a dating profile. You’ll need to have a random photoshoot for your BFF so she can post the pics on Tinder, OkCupid, Bumble, etc. Instead of a bland profile description, your job as a BFF is to remind them how great they are and how they should present themselves on these sites — ‘I’m a boss ass Virgo with great tits and aspirations.’ That is of course, if your friend is actually ready to open her profile.

Dr. Guerra, however, suggests being cautious of opening a dating profile while trying to heal. “If you're ready to start dating, open the dating profile. If you're doing it to heal, beware!" she says. "All too often I see people live by the saying ‘un clavo saca a otro,’ When translated, it means ‘one nail can remove another nail,’ this refers to when you start dating someone to forget your ex, or fall in love with a new person to get over the old one. While this may feel good and end up being a blessing, it is quite possible that starting a new relationship without grieving the last one will only postpone pain and growth. We all have something to learn from breakups," she says. “Open the dating profile when you've reflected on all those questions (about the previous relationship) and are ready to choose right and engage in healthy relational interactions. Don't open it to ‘heal’. You heal by grieving and honoring the pain that losing a loved one entails.”

Even if your friend isn’t quite ready for the dating scene, creating the profile and swiping through potential matches can help her feel better. She can start to see some of the other fish in the sea instead of only swiping through old relationship pictures.  

Related: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Date Someone New

The three L’s – listen. listen. LISTEN.

Nothing is worse than using your own experiences as a comparison to help someone else feel better. No, the one time your cat died does not compare to my great-grandma passing away. The same thing goes with breakups. A break-up from a two-month relationship is going to be totally different than one from a long-term relationship.

Lola George, a junior from University of North Texas, says, “Understand when your friend needs support versus advice. Sometimes they just want a listening ear and comfort or positivity, and sometimes they truly need advice for moving on or coping,” she says. “It's important to be empathic and understand the proper time to comfort versus advice. Giving advice when they need comfort seems insensitive or like you're trying to ‘fix’ things, while only giving comfort when your friend needs advice will leave them complacent and slows down the process of recovering.”

Lola has a good point – sometimes your friend doesn’t need you to try to fix things. Instead, all she needs is a good ear and a shoulder to cry on. Giving advice can come across as something negative, almost as if you’re telling them ‘you messed up, here’s how you can fix it.’

Dr. Guerra also emphasizes the difference between advice and support. “When you give advice, you should be open to the other person deciding whether or not she wants to take it in and implement it. Support, however, is unconditional,” she says. “You are there for the person whether she agrees with your perspective or not. Your support is shaped by the recipient's needs, not your very own.”

Chances are, your friend already knows her ex is garbage. Repeatedly telling her will probably make her feel worse. Letting her vent about all the bad things her ex put her through will give her a self-realization that she deserves better. In these cases, silence is golden.

Related: 5 Things You Should Feel Comfortable Telling Your Best Friend

No matter what, you should always be there for your BFF. Whether you’re ready with a plate of cookies to emotionally binge eat or with a bottle of her favorite wine, just being there for her in her time of need is the best thing you can do. Most importantly, be patient and try your best to get her mind off it.

Classes are back in session, the leaves are about to change color and the weather is getting cooler, but don’t let the autumn chill take the sizzle out of your love life! There are tons of amazing date opportunities for the fall months that won’t break the bank. Her Campus presents 15 fun and free date ideas for fall.

1. Make “His and Hers” scarecrows

Making scarecrows isn’t just for farmers with a pesky bird problem, it can be a great way to show off your creativity and bond with your guy. First, raid your closets for a scarecrow wardrobe. No plaid? No problem. Any old outfit will do! Once you pick the outfits, stuff the clothes with hay, old newspapers or leaves until the scarecrows are nice and plump. Then, tie the ends of the sleeves and pant legs with rubber bands or ribbons. Stuff a plastic bag or old pillowcase with leaves for the head and don’t forget to give your scarecrow a face with markers or paint. Add an old hat or some ribbons for hair to complete the dashing duo. Some of our favorite scarecrows were the non-traditional type, like this adorable pair of on a tandem bike. Now you’ll have a perfect scarecrow couple!

2. Bike through the fall foliage

Hop on your bikes to enjoy the crisp autumn air, the beautiful foliage and the sound of crunchy leaves beneath your wheels. Not only is riding your bike a great source of exercise, but you’ll both feel more relaxed and at one with nature as well. Whether you bike through a local park or just around campus, you’re sure to enjoy the scenic ride on this great outdoorsy date.

3. Go on a hayride

Lots of farms have free apple or pumpkin picking hayrides where you just pay for the produce at the end. If you’re not looking to drop the cash for the fruit, sit back, relax and enjoy the hayride together. Afterwards, walk hand-in-hand taking a romantic stroll through the orchards and simply enjoy each other’s company.

4. Visit a haunted house

Face your fears and visit a free haunted house in your area. Link arms and try not to make fun of your guy if he gets more scared than you do! If you can’t find any free haunted houses in your area, consider organizing your own haunted house or volunteering as a “scarer.” Sometimes it can be more fun to be on the other end of the fright!

5. Carve or paint pumpkins

If you have some pumpkins, why not channel some creativity and carve or paint them? There are plenty of free designs for pumpkin carving that are available online. Click here for some great templates! And don’t forget to roast the seeds in the oven for a tasty snack!

6. Midnight bonfire

Use a fire pit to build a romantic bonfire. Roast marshmallows, look at the stars and enjoy each other’s company in the great outdoors. For instructions on building a bonfire, click here. If you’re stuck on campus and don’t have access to a real fire, browse YouTube for a crackling fire video and pop some s’mores in the microwave for a relaxing evening in.

7. Monster movie marathon

Get in the Halloween spirit by checking out Hulu’s scary movie selection and pick some frightening flicks to watch together. Horror movies give you the perfect opportunity to snuggle up close. If the bone-chilling gore becomes too much, you can always turn off the flick and let things heat up between you and your guy.

8. Read ghost stories

Head to your campus library and check out some creepy ghost stories. Cuddle up under a warm blanket and take turns reading the tales aloud to each other. Add candlelight for a romantic yet spooky touch! If you like your scary stories to have a modern flair, read the scary urban legends together by the glow of your laptop.

9. Post-Thanksgiving picnic in the park

Enjoy those Thanksgiving leftovers by planning a romantic lunch in the park with him. Pack some turkey sandwiches and pumpkin pie in a picnic basket and take along a blanket to enjoy your meal amongst the lovely foliage. You can cozy up and give thanks for the wonderful man in your life.

10. Conjure up some treats

Get out the flour, butter and sugar and whip up some delicious desserts. After you’re done baking some Halloween cookies or cupcakes, get creative with the frosting–things will be heating up in no time! Check out these spellbinding recipes:

• Batty Cupcakes
• Halloween Brownie Bites 
• Candy Corn Sugar Cookies 
• Pumpkin Cookies with Brown Butter Icing
• Halloween Blondies
• Candy Corn and Pretzel Bark

11. Visit a fall festival

Lots of towns host free fall festivals complete with live entertainment, food and activities. Check to see if there are any fall festivals in your area. Strolling through a fair arm-in-arm with your guy will make for a great autumn date.

12. Go trick-or-treating

Embrace your inner child and go house-to-house with your guy to score some sweets. If he’s convinced that you’re too old for trick-or-treating, suggest going to a Halloween store or thrift shop to try on some crazy costumes. For extra fun, make it a contest to see who can find the most ridiculous costume–loser has to make dinner for the winner!

13. Get crafty

Scour Pinterest for some fun Halloween crafts you can make with your man. Grab some glitter, markers, construction paper and glue and get those creative juices flowing. Some of our favorite Pinterest crafts include:

• Glitter Webs
• Halloween Button Art
• Ribbon Wreath 
• Paper Cup Spiders
• Halloween Lanterns

14. Volunteer together

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, what’s a better time to do some good? Visit a local animal shelter or soup kitchen and volunteer together. You’ll both feel good about giving back to the community, and seeing your guy play with puppies or donning an apron to serve food to the needy will be enough to melt your heart.

15. Pick your own apples (and cook up recipes)!

What’s more synonymous with fall than the crisp smell of apples in the air? Hop in the car and visit your local orchard and make a day trip out of it. Tour the farm, sip some cider and nibble on some cider donuts (delicious)! Check out some of these other apple recipes to make together!

What fall date ideas do you have? Let us know in a comment below!