Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I'm going to be a freshman this fall, and in April, I made friends with a guy through our Class of 2017 page. I didn't think we'd end up such great friends; I only added him because we both posted the same major and musical interests. We ended up talking and that led to us becoming best friends. We finally met at orientation and all of my other new friends thought we were an item because we flirted with each other nonstop. The night of orientation, however, he started to hook up with this random girl he had just met, with me and some other people in the room. None of us knew what to do, especially because the other girls in the room knew how close he and I are. He won't talk about what happened with me, nor will he mention this other girl who's going to our school that he's good friends with, and it's obvious she has a thing for him based on her tweets and posts. He sends me so many mixed messages and we haven't even started school yet. I want to remain close with him, but the emotional stress is already crazy. What should I do? – Possibly Friend-Zoned at Penn State
Well here’s the problem, Possibly Friend-Zoned: You’re definitely friend-zoned. Fret not, though, because there’s nothing hugely wrong with that!
You’re going to be a college freshman, which means you have the next four years to date and find the guy of your dreams. What appears to have happened here is a simple matter of confusion––either you confused his friendliness with flirtation, or he confused your flirtation with friendliness. Whatever actually happened, he didn’t feel enough of a romantic bond with you to keep him from hooking up with another girl.
Now here’s the thing, Friend-Zoned: he isn’t obligated to tell you about the other girl. He hooked up with her, she appears to have a thing for him, and they may well be on their merry way to a relationship. You guys haven’t even started school yet, and you’re tiptoeing into a dangerous territory: being seen as obsessive.
I get it, you like him. He’s perfect for you because of your majors and taste in music, and it seems like a match made in heaven! But it’s not, because just having the same taste in music and sharing a major doesn’t mean he’s “the one,” and it’s totally plausible that he was just looking for––and found––a friend. Being a college freshman is a scary thing, especially if you don’t know many (if any) people at your new school. Just because you two have so much in common doesn’t mean you’re romantically compatible. Do you really want to date someone that’s just like you? Don’t you think that might get a little boring?
Here’s what you should do: move on. Like I said above, you’ve got four years to explore the college dating world. Use this time to open up your horizons. College is an exciting time that allows you to really explore what you’re looking for in both a career and a relationship. Date! Study! Date some more! Be merry!