When you have sex for the first time, it’s inevitable that an endless flood of thoughts are going to be racing through your head. And don’t worry -- that’s totally normal! Here are 29 thoughts that you are sure to have during your ~first time.~
1. Am I doing this right?
I’m afraid to ask.
2. Judy Blume definitely didn’t prepare me for this
I trusted you Judy!
3. Is it supposed to be this painful…?
Please tell me it gets better!
4. I hope I wore cute underwear today
*fingers crossed*
5. I wonder if I’m naturally good at this
Let’s just hope I am.
6. Uh, I think I have to sneeze…
Hold it! Hold it!
7. How am I supposed to sneeze without this being weird?
Well this could get awkward.
8. This is nothing like the movies make it seem
Where is the background music?
9. I think I should have showered before this
I feel like a sweaty troll.
10. Is my philosophy paper due today?!
I need to check my email!
11. This is not what I expected sex to be like
Although I’m not sure what I expected.
12. I wonder if (s)he know I’m not very experienced…
However, I am a good actress.
13. I can’t remember if I’m wearing deodorant or not
I hope to God I am.
14. What kind of sounds am I supposed to make?
I kind of sound like a dying whale.
15. If you think about it, sex is really weird
Like really, really weird.
16. What do I do with my hands?
OMG why am I so awkward.
17. This is uncomfortable
Let’s change positions ASAP.
18. How much practice would I need before I’m good at this?
Or before I actually start to enjoy it?
19. Are we going to have to share the bed after this?
I don’t think I can spoon and sleep at the same time.
20. I need to text my friends ASAP
They're going to want details...
21. Is it is bad that I really want to check my phone?
It’s like I can’t find my lifeline.
22. I hope my feet don’t smell
Ewwwwwww.
23. Is it me or is this position kind of awkward?
Actually all of this is kind of awkward.
24. I think I’m starting to get tired
Don’t yawn. Don’t yawn.
25. Wow, they didn’t mention this in sex-ed
Thanks for nothing.
26. Is it supposed to take this long?
Because I really need to check my phone.
27. I’m kind of getting hungry
Is it normal to crave Chipotle after sex?
28. I don’t feel too different
Then again, I’m not sure how I feel.
29. I could see myself doing this again
And again. And again.