Contains content sponsored by Mylan.

Ladies, when’s the last time you thought about your current birth control method? Chances are, you discussed it with your doctor, began a method and never looked back at that decision. But have you started wondering about other options?  Sure, it works – but birth control should be more than something you feel just OK about. Does it fit your busy schedule? Is it a method you want to keep using?

With so many contraceptive options these days, it can be hard to keep up with available choices. That’s why we’re here to make sure you’ve got the information on another option, especially if you want to consider an effective method that doesn't’ need to be taken every day like the pill.

Meet the Xulane® Patch

Get to know Xulane® (zu-lane) – it’s a prescription birth control patch you apply just once a week. Whether it’s your late-night study sessions, your spontaneous date night, that concert you scored tickets to – Xulane is the birth control that sticks with you wherever you go.

You apply a new patch to your skin on the same day each week for three weeks, with week 4 being patch-free.  (Yes, it’s that easy!) Just make sure to check Xulane every day to make sure it’s sticking properly, like when you’re getting dressed in the morning.  FYI, the patch must stay on your skin to work properly.

“It is so great to have the birth control patch as an option! Especially for those who have difficulty remembering to take a daily birth control pill,” says Beth Battaglino, RN, HealthyWomen CEO. “It works similarly to combination birth control pills by releasing hormones into your bloodstream that keep your ovaries from releasing an egg (ovulation). It also thickens cervical mucus to keep sperm from reaching an egg. With any birth control, I always recommend that you speak with your health care professional to understand your options and find what will work best for you.”

As Beth mentioned, obviously Xulane is not for everyone.  ou should definitely discuss your individual medical history and lifestyle with your healthcare provider to determine if Xulane is right for you.

If you’ve been on the same birth control method for a while, why not learn about another method? You’ve got options, so explore them! 

Learn more about the birth control patch and talk with your healthcare provider to find out if Xulane might be right for you.

This is not all the information you should read prior to using Xulane. Click here to see Patient Information and Full Prescribing Information including Boxed WARNING.

Xulane is a trademark of Mylan Pharmaceuticals Inc. The Mylan logo is a registered trademark of Mylan Inc. © 2018 Mylan Pharmaceuticals Inc. All rights reserved.

XUL-2018-0048

Alright, you’re crushing hard on someone and they haven’t started to ghost you just yet, so you’re ready to take the plunge and ask them on a date. However, you don’t want to make some elaborate display of affection just to ask them to share eat individual taco 12-packs with you. After all, who would want to make something more complicated than it needs to be?

We get it, asking anyone can be nerve-wracking. But seriously, you should just take the initiative and ask your special someone out on a date. Someone has to make the first move. Even if you are a "lazy girl," you aren’t necessarily lazy or apathetic—you just implement resourceful hacks to get everything done in half the time. You’re essentially the lazy girl MacGyver.

And if you’re a lazy gal looking to ask somebody on a date, you shouldn’t use that as an excuse not to ask them. After all, lazy girls ain’t got time for excuses. You’re too busy formulating the latest and greatest abbreviations for already short words, so you don’t have to spend more than a minute sending the perfect text. Seriously, if you’re a fellow lazy girl who’s interested in somebody cute, you need to get over the weird stigma that girls shouldn’t make the first move. It’s well past the dark ages and a lazy girl can ask out anyone they want to. Unless you want to ask your dog out on a date, which would actually be pretty awesome. You two could go on a long walk in the park and get some ice cream afterward. Plus, you wouldn’t have to worry about awkwardly bumping into any of your exes.

This is why you need to eventually woman up and ask your potential new bae on a date, the lazy girl way. Whether you’re a professional lazy girl or you just adopt the lazy girl’s methodology from time to time, there are several ways that even the laziest of lazy girls can ask someone out on a date. After all, lazy girls like to go on dates too.

Related: The 17 Best First Date Ideas

Send them a GIF or meme

Seriously, who doesn’t love a dank meme or a funny GIF? That’s right, everyone loves them, unless of course it’s some embarrassing GIF of you. In that case, it’s perfectly understandable why you have a hatred of GIFs.

GIFs are a simple way for any lazy girl to flirt, because you can have an entire conversation without actually typing a single word to them. Want to know how your beau is doing? Send them a GIF of Joey Tribbiani asking literally anyone, “How you doin’?” Did your eye candy send you that same GIF before you got the chance to do the same thing? Beyond them being a total keeper, you can easily send them one of thousands of thumbs up GIFs. It’s literally that simple.

Plus, sending a GIF takes virtually no time. Well, other than the time you’ve spent searching for the perfect GIF or meme. JK, you actually just went with the first relevant visual that says, “Date?” on Reddit. Unless of course you can’t find a GIF for your specific conversation and you must curate an entirely new GIF from scratch. But let’s face it, you aren’t about to do that—ever.

Personally, I love using GIFs to ask someone on a date, because it makes the whole date-asking experience less stressful. Because you can just send a special someone a viral image to ask them on a date, you feel less vulnerable because you don’t have to make a big ordeal about asking them out in person. And what lazy girl wouldn’t want to save some time and energy? Plus, asking someone out on a date through a GIF makes the whole experience more fun.

Ask them to prevent you from becoming a third wheel

As much as you try to convince yourself that you’re totally fine with being a third wheel with Becky and Justin, it gets pretty nauseating seeing those two make out for the twelfth time when you don’t have someone to nauseatingly smack lips with also.

Why not stop yourself from third-wheeling it–at least for a little while—and solve your dateless quandary? Asking someone to go on a double date with you is a lot less stressful for everyone involved, because now y’all don’t have to put the weight of a steady and interesting conversation on just two people. Now, it’s four peoples’ burdens!

Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth College, explains that asking someone on a double date “can often be an easy way to get [the person] to know you better.” Double dates and group dates in general take the tension off every party, because you don’t know to put the put the pressure of holding an engaging conversation between just two people. If anything, you could easily just ask your potential lover to help you go on a double date with your bestie. After all, who could leave you hanging like that?

Better yet, why not ask your friend to hook a girl up? After all, your bestie is probably borderline worried about your love life (or lack thereof) after you’ve tagged along to the fifth “three-person date” this week.

Send 'em some grub

After all, the way to anyone’s heart is through their stomach. Even if they don’t have a heart, everyone likes some tasty food.

Don’t worry; cooking is not necessary for this date-asking recipe. Leann Bailey, a Full Sail University alumna, explains her fail-proof method to asking someone out on a date. “I just randomly send a guy a pizza or a burrito with a goofy pick-up line to ask them out on a date,” says Leann. Woah, how have I not thought of this before?

After all, who says girls—even the laziest of girls—can’t send someone they like an unexpected meal with a cute pick-up line asking them out on a date? Okay, society might think it’s “weird” (whatever that is), but tell society to shove it! I mean, people like getting pizza and pick-up lines, right?

Spontaneously sending someone a delivery of their favorite food is a great way to get them to go on a date with you. While you could deliver them a pizza in person, that's way too much work for a lazy girl like yourself. Instead, you should just craft a great way to ask them on a date and add ask the restaurant to write it in the box, under those "special delivery instructions" that every online order form seems to have. Other than the time you spend ordering and drafting your clever pick-up line, this method takes little to no time at all. This way, you can spend the next 45 minutes or so waiting to get a text from the cutie you sent the edible date invite to.

Just, you know, make sure they're actually home when you send them their grub, or otherwise their roommate will snag it.

Seriously, just ask

No tricks, tips or hacks necessary—just straight up ask your love like interest out on a date. Your best chances of actually landing a date is to bluntly ask. And no, asking your SO or potential SO to hang out is not asking them on a date. Channel your inner Liz Lemon and ask your boo thang to go to a movie or something (so you can sue them for some petty reason afterward).

It’s 2018 and modern technology makes everything easier and quicker. Some people might find it an informal or insincere way to ask someone out via text or DM, but you should get over that outdated unofficial rule ASAP. While your smart phone might be a crutch in most scenarios, it’s a great way to get over the awkwardness of asking someone face-to-face if they want to go on a date with you.

Although virtual communication methods might help a lazy gal ask someone out, it can still be virtually impossible for you to get some inspiration to easily ask someone on a date. Like, where do you even start? Don’t worry girl, tere are some lazy-girl-approved texts to send your crush:

• Hey, wanna grab drinks sometime? (After all, everyone needs to drink.)
• Can you bail me out and go with me to get food with my bestie and her boo thang? (Who wouldn't help a damsel in distress?)
• You're hungry, I'm hungry, let's go get lunch. (Short, sweet and to the point.)
• Are you my appendix? Because I want to take you out. (Who doesn't like a classic?)
• Wanna go to the dog park and play with strangers' doggos? (Or, you know, steal them.)
• Did you want to come over to my place and eat a bunch of junk food and watch Netflix? (What lazy girl doesn't love a good Netflix and chill?)

Seriously, forming the perfect text to ask someone out on a date is that simple. If any of the pre-crafted texts above seem too artificial in you and bae's conversation, then feel free to be blunt and ask them to do something specific that you'd know they'd enjoy. If they like fishing, ask if they want to go fishing sometime. I know, fishing seems like a lot of work. Trust me, you'll just be sitting there by a relaxing body of water, getting some sun and chatting all afternoon. Just be sure that you're clear that it's just you two, to make it obvious that it's a date.

After all, honesty is the best policy, so why not be straightforward with your courting approach? You can save so much time by just asking a person on a date. If they say yes, that’s awesome. If they say no, that’s a lot less awesome. Regardless, you can get on with your lazy self, so you can have more time to be productive and update your LinkedIn profile. Who are we kidding? In true lazy girl fashion, you haven’t updated that thing in years—it still says you’re a babysitter in Rockford, Illinois. In reality, you’re just going to have more time to binge-watch Netflix, gorge on pizza and use the excess grease as a five-minute moisture mask. I definitely haven’t done anything like that before.

You might think the hard work is over, but a lazy girl’s work is never done. While you’ve found the easiest hack to asking your crush, now you actually have to prepare for your date. You know, by finding the perfect outfit to wear and the perfect lazy girl manicure to match.

So, you and your significant other have been getting pretty serious lately. When you picture your future plans, your SO starts to make an appearance. Everything just feels so right between you two… but, something is still missing. You both entertain the idea of moving in together, and come to find that you’d like that dream to become a reality. Still, you want to be absolutely sure that this is the right move for you and your SO. We spoke to several collegiettes about five telltale signs that you and your SO are ready to move in together, because you’ll want to be sure it feels right!

1. You’re practically living together already

You’ve cluttered their bathroom counter with your makeup, hair ties and bobby pins, and they've got a toothbrush and some pajama pants stuffed in one of your dresser drawers. Their roommates refer to you as one of their own, and they know not to use your shower at 7:15 a.m. because that’s when your roomie uses it.

Sure, you both enjoy your free time every now and then, but if the two of you are pretty much living together already, it’s a good chance that you’re ready to make it official in your own place. Plus, there are added benefits to turning places between the two of you into one, says Megan Scavo, a junior at the University of Central Florida. “If you practically live together (staying the night together at each other’s places), why not move in together and save money?”

Being comfortable with sharing each other’s space and spending most of your nights together during the week is a huge sign that you’re ready to make the move with your SO because you’re already sharing the bulk of the experience together (ya know, like morning breath and disheveled bedhead or grocery shopping for the dinner you’re going to make that night). Yes, there are more commitments that come with sharing a place together, but at this point, it’s worth a shot!

2. You’ve been dating for a significant amount of time

Every relationship is certainly unique and moves at its own pace. Therefore, there’s no one answer to how much time together is enough time to justify major life decisions such as moving in with your SO, because the answer is specific to you and your relationship. “If you have been dating for a significant amount of time and are sure that you won’t get tired of each other, it’s safe to move in,” Megan explains.

A significant amount of time together can mean something different for every couple, but you wouldn’t want to move in with your SO before getting to know them, right? If you’re a neat freak, you’d want to have been with your SO long enough to know whether they are too or not before moving together.

Taking the time to get to know your partner and understand their living habits and preferences is very important in any relationship. If you both can agree that your time together signifies taking that next step together, then that’s definitely a sign you’ll want to take into consideration! 

3. You have open communication

You’ve probably heard the saying “communication is key” a thousand times over, but it’s no lie! Norris Goldflies, a junior at the University of Illinois at Chicago, knows that communication is essential for a healthy relationship to flourish. “You definitely want to make sure you and your SO really know how to communicate if you’re thinking of moving in together,” she says.

Not only is communication important for a relationship to function smoothly, it’s also a huge sign of whether you and your SO are ready to move in together or not. Living under the same roof comes with plenty of conversations that range from, “Wait, it’s my turn to do the dishes?” to, “We need cut back on spending to make rent this month.”

If you and your partner can openly communicate with each other, especially when it comes to the tough subjects, then it’s a huge indicator that you’re ready to be under one roof together.

4. You’re able to make compromises without a fuss

Compromise, compromise, compromise. Relationships involve giving and taking, so if you and your SO have been considering moving in together, you’ll definitely want to be well-versed in the art of compromise. Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth College, says a good sign that you’re ready to move in together is that “you know how to compromise, and plan on doing so. Not just on what Netflix TV show to watch—though that is important!—but on accepting each other for who you are.”

Being open and willing to compromise with your SO is not only a great sign for living together, but it’s also a huge indicator that you respect your partner’s needs. “If you’re constantly keeping your SO’s opinions in mind and considering them, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to move in together,” Rachna says, because respecting each other is necessary when sharing the same living space!

Related: When it’s Good to Compromise in Your Relationship (& When it’s Bad)

5. It doesn’t feel right not coming home to your SO

You know the feeling. You’ve spent the whole day away from your significant other, and when you come through the door after that long day, you want nothing more to be greeted by them with Netflix loaded and dinner made. A huge sign, and perhaps the most relatable one that you’re ready to move in together, is that you can’t imagine coming home without your SO there to greet you.

“I knew I was ready to move in with my boyfriend after we spent a week house sitting for his parents,” says Norris. “It didn’t feel right not coming home to him. Now, after living together for a year, we just bought a condo!” When the thought of not coming home to your SO every night leaves your heart feeling a little empty, moving in together can help you fill in that missing piece.

Moving in together with your SO is a huge commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly, so hopefully these five significant signs can send some reassurance your way. Knowing the signs and doing what’s best for you and your relationship makes all the difference when it comes to finally moving in together!

As I discuss every week with Gina during #SexTalk on the @HerCampus IG Story (yes, it’s a shameless plug, I’m the Social Editor, sorry not sorry), sex and sexuality is complicated af. Sex is something different to all of us, and its meaning is actually a lot more complicated than people give it credit for. But it can be especially complicated when you’re queer, and even more complicated when you’re queer, and you’re anxious.

Let’s be real: A lot of queer people have anxiety. It’s not surprising, considering the state of the world, and the U.S., for queer folks rn. It’s scary shit. As a queer person with anxiety, I know all too well the way that anxiety has impacted my sex life… and then that impact causes more anxiety. What a fun cycle.

In the last few years, I've learned a lot about myself, my body, my mental health, and my sex life, and how all four of those things interact. And here are just a few ways I navigate it all while being ~good and true to myself~ and still prioritizing my sex life, something that means a lot to me.

1. First: Stop shitting on yourself for having anxiety.

For me, a lot of my stress around being a person with anxiety stems from the fact that there’s this weird stigma around it. While anxiety by far does NOT have the same level of stigma as other mental health issues and disorders, it still definitely does have a stigma, and it can be difficult to sidestep.

I can tell myself I’m a bad bitch all day long, but I still struggle with feeling like I shouldn’t be anxious. Especially as someone who love, love, loves sex, it’s hugely frustrating when anxiety keeps me from having sex. But I can be mad at myself, or I can just try to love myself through it, or just like, at least not hate myself.

I’m a person with anxiety. It’s okay. And it’s okay if you are, too.

2. Find partners who respect your mental health.

Full stop: if you’re with someone who makes you feel bad for having anxiety? Get the hell out of there, yesterday. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there is absolutely no reason that someone should make you feel guilty for not being able to or just straight up not being interested in having sex. Like, ever. Anyone who would prioritize their sexual desires over your mental wellbeing can suck it and GTFO. It’s not fair, and it’s also just not healthy.

3. Find different ways to define sex for yourself and your partner(s).

One thing that has helped me a lot as a queer person with anxiety is discovering new ways to have sex, or even just to feel more intimate with my partner. Sometimes, I’m just too stressed and buzzy and wired to have sex with a capital S as me and my partner define it, but maybe I could be into something different.

Allow yourself to experiment with new things that feel good to both you and your partner or partners. Maybe this means mutual masturbation, or sex toys, or even some heavy making out. Maybe this means having sex, but not kissing at all. We all have different things that feel good, and it’s totally fine to have some acts that you reserve for when you’re feeling your best mental health-wise, and other ones you prefer when you’re feeling down or a little off.

4. Be honest with your partner(s).

You don’t at all owe your partner your entire mental health history. There are some things that can be just yours, unless it makes you feel good to share them. But it’s really, really helpful if you can be honest with you partner(s) about how you do and don’t feel, and what you do and don’t want sexually.

Find a language that makes sense for you. Maybe this means that you come up with some sort of signal. Maybe if you kiss them as soon as they’re home from class, you’re down, but if you wait until after dinner, you just need cuddles. Maybe you straight up sext them what you do and don’t want that evening. Maybe you high five if it’s time to ~get it on~, and thumbs down if you’re not.

Is it awkward? Maybe. But a lot of what being in a relationship or even just hooking up with someone is can be awkward, but it’s worth it to make sure you’re comfortable and that your partner is comfortable, too. Anyone who cares about you wants you to be 100% enthusiastic and won’t feel too great if they realize you’re compromising on something as Big as sex. So give them a chance. Assume the best of your partner(s), be straight up, and let them know where you’re at.

The beauty of being queer is that variety is endless. Everything is a spectrum, everything is breaking a rule, everything is new and glorious and lovely and exactly what you need it to be, sex included.

Don’t be afraid to re-define sex for yourself, to have awkward conversations, or to straight up refuse to have sex for a week or a month or as long as you need to focus on yourself and your well-being. You deserve it.

So first of all, congratulations on not being single. Secondly, congratulations on playing yourself. Relationships are really hard without having to put parents into the mix, but they’ll have to meet eventually, right? So, the real question is WHEN should your SO and parents meet? The answer is difficult. There are so many factors to consider. Thinking about these several conditions will help you determine when the right time will be.

1. It’s been a good deal of time  

Your one-night Tinder fling is definitely not bring-home-to-meet-your-dad material. Have you not seen the “She calls me daddy too” memes? Taking some time in the relationship and making sure everything is solid is a pretty good step into having your SO meet your parents. Otherwise, how do you expect to answer all those awkward questions your parents will throw at you about your SO?

Amanda Goecke, a junior at Carthage College, waited until she and her boyfriend were official to have him meet her parents.

“We had talked and hung out and were basically dating for about six months before making it official and my parents were aware of him the whole time, so I personally felt at that time it was appropriate for them to meet,” Amanda says. “I think it ranges from couple to couple but I had been dying for them to meet right away!”

It’s imperative to know that the relationship is meant to last before you take the plunge into having them meet your parents.

Related: Should Your Boyfriend Meet Your Parents?

2. You feel comfortable with the person

Embarrassing stories from your childhood are sure to ensue. Make sure you and your bae are comfortable with each other enough to handle the story about that one time you pooped your pants during a family trip (I was three years old, Mom!).

How do you know when you’re comfortable with your SO? Well, it depends on the person. One way to know is when you do something that others may find embarrassing, yet both of you manage to laugh about it without feeling humiliated. In our expert opinion, a Lightsaber battle in the middle of Target is the most optimal test.

3. You’re sure it's serious

You can be with a person for months, but at the end, both of you know the relationship probably won’t survive a year. Relationships like these are definitely not the ones you want to show to your parents. If the only connection you have with the person is sex, there’s no way your parents can see what you see in your SO. Choose a person you see spending the rest of your life with, not just a relationship you have during summer semester because all your friends are gone and you feel lonely.

Emily Schmidt, a Stanford University freshman, has been dating her SO for three months, but she hasn’t introduced him to her parents.

“My SO and I have been dating for about three months now and we will be doing long-distance over the summer while he studies abroad in Chile,” she says. “I think I want to introduce him to my parents once I know we can overcome the distance obstacle."

Making sure your SO will be there for you no matter what is super important. The test of distance away from each other is the best variable to see if your SO is meant to stay forever. Emily’s tactic is a surefire way to figure out if her SO is parent-meeting material.

Related: 5 Signs You Really Are Afraid of Commitment

4. Things went well when they met your friends

Having your SO meet your friends first is a low-stakes trial run before having them meet your parents. If your bae and friends had an awkward first encounter, expect the same with your parents. However, there are rare cases where the friend meeting didn’t go well, but your SO really hit it off with your parents. If that’s the case, just make sure it wasn’t a one-time deal, and try hanging out with your parents more. See how they’d react to your SO after a certain amount of time together.

Sorry to disappoint, but there’s never a “right” time for your SO to meet the folks. Everyone is different, and they all have their own individual “right time.” You’ll always feel like your parents deserve to meet your future spouse instead of someone you just met through Tinder. But believe me, once you see your bae as the greatest person ever, having them meet the parentals will be a breeze.

I’ll be straight with you: I’m against the word virginity. It’s feels fake to me. It rigidly defines an experience that’s not standardized and shouldn’t be. I wish we would think about it in broader terms when it comes to women in general, because even the most empowered feminist women might see virginity as rite of passage to becoming a full-fledged adult. But, at a place like Her Campus, where we have amazing young readers that search for answers regarding first time sex, it’s clear that virginity and how it goes down does matter to a lot of people.

According to a study published in 2015, about 20 percent of Americans don’t identify as “exclusively heterosexual,” and I can only imagine the way that number has grown in recent years with teens and students becoming more accepting, involved in, and in turn vocal about, queer culture and diverse sexual interactions. Yet it feels like we have, at best, a gross misunderstanding of how women in the LGBTQ+ community view "losing" their virginity. 

When it comes to straight sex, pretty much everyone knows what counts as losing it, but for queer sex it’s a lot less transparent. Unless you have an LGBTQ-identifying friend who talks about their sex life or has given you their own #RealTalk spiel about their experiences and dialogues with virginity, you probably have no idea WTF it means for some women around you to define a moment straight folks deem as this huge stepping stone.

In reality, sex and intercourse and virginity are big words for all kinds of activities that make people feel good. A lot of time it has to do with genitals, but not always. To elevate the voices of LGBTQ+ women this Pride Month, I spoke with a handful of lovely queer gals who filled me in on what virginity looks like in their world.

While the mic is passed over to them, keep in mind the most important takeaway here: Losing your virginity is not one-size-fits-all, especially in the queer community.

What did “losing your virginity” mean to you growing up?

“So, I’m bisexual, but my parents were the first people that influenced my concept of virginity growing up because they were heavily religious. For a lot of my teenage years, once I understood that a virgin was someone who hadn’t had sexual intercourse, I also associated it with someone who was innocent or naïve. When I think about the Biblical figures I grew up hearing about… a better descriptor for virginity would be ‘not yet touched.’ Like overall being inexperienced.” – Imani, UCLA

“As someone who realized they were gay as fuck when they were a teenager, my first moments with oral sex and hand stuff had me super confused, because I was like, I just had oral sex with another girl. Does that count? Did I lose it? I just had no baseline for what losing my virginity meant, and the majority of my friends were having sex with guys and it made more sense for them cause they had a framework.”– Claire, Florida State University

“I watched a bunch of Sex and the City and rom-coms growing up with my mom, and pop culture and TV made me think sex had to be a certain way. Nobody talked about virginity on shows (or IRL if I’m thinking about it), and I had sex when I was really young, so I thought my first experience was supposed to look how it did on TV: a couple in love, missionary position, both people orgasm, and the sex is between a man and a woman. That definitely wasn’t true for me because I had sex and an orgasm with a female (and have only done that since), but it didn’t really bother me or make me feel like what I was doing was against the norm” - Nia, Tufts University

How has your concept of virginity changed throughout your sexual experiences?

“For some people, it goes either way: You set up a new parameter for how you define virginity, or you just ignore and alienate the concept of virginity altogether. For me, I definitely went the alienation route and quashed the word. Yeah, in a true sense I may have lost my virginity when I first slept with a guy because my hymen broke and my vagina was penetrated, but I didn’t fully come out as bi until college, and when I finally had sex with a girl, that experience mattered a lot more to me. It made me feel a lot of turmoil trying to decide which experience I wanted to count as ‘losing my virginity’ if I ever needed to talk about it with partners or friends,and so I eventually just started disregarding the idea altogether and stopped letting that define any single one of my experiences.” - Imani

“I’m looser with myself and with other people for what I hold as the criteria for sexual encounters in general, not even with virginity. When I first started having sex, at the time I still felt like a virgin, even though now I acknowledge that I had forms of sex that probably counted for something – if we’re saying that the standard of virginity has to do with penetration or having an orgasm. Virginity has become vaguer for me with age and experience, and I’m super okay with it being roomy.” - Claire

“You don’t need to have a penis inside you. You don’t have to ‘pop the cherry.’ Every experience I’ve had has taught me that whatever people collectively labeled as virginity back in the olden days, that doesn’t stand true anymore. For me, I count it as the first time I had an orgasm with a partner – gender and penetration doesn’t matter.” - Nia

How are you reclaiming the word “virginity” for yourself?

“I’m changing the narrative by making a conscious choice to say that the guy in my story didn’t take my virginity. The word is 100 percent personal to me and whatever I decide, instead of letting people tell me that my first sexual experience was the only thing that counted as ‘real sex.’”- Imani

“I’m reclaiming the word by not feeling a specific need to name one person who I lost my virginity to or define the acts that occurred. I’m also letting my straight friends know that they can think this way too. If they’re losing/have lost their virginity via the standard penis-in-vagina pathway, that’s great, but they can also still challenge their definition of virginity and reshape it like I have.” – Claire

“I guess I just place less importance on the word? The best sex I’ve had came way after I lost my virginity, and that matters a lot more to me than this arbitrary moment that’s really only okay. I’m just choosing to be over it and to not make virginity such a big deal!” - Nia

How’s that for championing women’s sexual autonomy?

But for real, I can’t tell you what counts and what it looks like to lose your virginity – and if you want to align with that concept at all, it’s obv different for everyone. It’s totally up to you. You decide if vagina/vagina sex, or vagina/finger sex, or tongue/clit sex fits your equation. And the more we have dialogues with LGBTQ+ friends and age further into the 21st century and sex becomes less taboo, I think the hollowness of the word “virginity” will only be more exposed.

My hope is that your first partnered sexual experiences are pleasurable and undefinable (if that’s what you want it to be). My hope is that boundaries will be widened when considering dynamics other than male-female sexual relationships. Mainly, fingers crossed that for women living in 2018 and onwards, the whole idea of first-time sex, sexual debuts (or even virginity, if you dig that term) doesn’t have to be hetero as fuck.

I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we've been there). Email advice@hercampus.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.

@greekstruggles: Is it wrong to date your sorority sister's ex? This guy and I have been seeing each other for about a month now, but we’ve been trying to hide it from the public because I don’t want my sorority finding out. The backstory is he was dating this girl in my sorority for about 4 months. She was very controlling and wouldn’t allow him to talk to any other girls. After they broke up we became friends (I know bad timing) because we play volleyball together and knew each other before hand. We hung out more and more with our mutual friends and noticed we really clicked. Then we started hanging out one-on-one, and that’s where it all began. I really do like this guy and I just need to know: is this something that’s okay for me to do and how can I make her okay with it?

@helpmehc: The saying goes “(sorority) sisters before misters,” but you don’t have to follow that rule unconditionally. We’re so here for ending the acceptance of toxic girlfriends that somehow play off they’re controlling actions as ~cutely petty~, and if your sorority sister wouldn’t let her boyfriend talk to other girls, she might think she still has a claim over this guy post-breakup. Just remember: This guy is his own person and can make his own choices – and so can you!

You’re right that the timing doesn’t look great, but with an ex, does it ever look great? The best approach here is to make your best effort to keep the situation from blowing up. Talk to her directly, especially before she finds out about your relationship from someone else and the rumor mill gets churning. Explain that you got to know him through volleyball, something totally independent from her. Remind her that even though you like this guy, you’re still always there for her – those truths don’t have to be mutually exclusive (maybe that’s the biggest problem with “sisters before misters”). You haven’t done anything wrong (you specified there was nothing going on between the two of you while your sister and her ex were still together), so avoid feeling bad about getting to know him after the relationship ended.

If she gets angry or petty about it, remind yourself that being in the same sorority doesn’t mean you have to be super-close BFFs with her. Stick with the sisters who understand the context of the situation better, or with those mutual friends who have your back. It’s not your fault the two of your just clicked, and you can’t “make” anyone be okay with anything, but as long as you’re the bigger person, cut yourself some slack. If she’s against your relationship, there’s not necessarily a way you can change how she feels. But at least there won’t be any secrets between the two of you.

Being with someone who makes you happy, even someone with history, isn’t nearly as much of a crime as other people may want you to think. Good luck!

First dates are stressful for literallyeveryone. For lazy girls, they're extra stressful. We actually have to get out of our comfy spot on the couch and socialize in the outside world. The first anything is always ambiguous, so there's no way that a lazy chick can formulate a hack to make an easy connection with someone on the first date (unless of course, the rest of you lazy girls know something that I don't—in which case, help a gal out).

Unless your first date includes ordering a pizza and watching a movie with your boo, there are plenty of things that lazy girls hate about first dates (and getting ready for them). Here are 17 of them.

1. You have to set 20 alarms just to make sure you wake up from your midday nap

Seriously, this whole date thing is interrupting your precious snooze time. Ugh, so inconvenient.

2. Then you actually have to leave your bed

Why couldn’t you just go on a Netflix-and-nap date? The struggle is real.

3. And shower

It isn’t even your scheduled day to wash your hair!

4. And actually think about what you’re going to wear

Rather than just throwing on any old T-shirt and sweats.

5. You just realized that you don’t have any clean clothes

How can it be time to do laundry already? You just did it, like, three weeks ago. Time to get creative with the outfit.

6. You keep checking your phone to see if they cancel last minute

Sure, you’d have a bruised ego for a hot minute, but you’d ultimately be relieved because canceled plans = relaxation.

7. You just hate going through so much work getting ready for only a few hours of fun

Three words: Cost benefit analysis.

8. And you know the chances of it working out are slim, so why bother?

I could just not.

9. It'll probably start out super awkward since you're always running a few minutes late

In your defense, you were just procrastinating leaving the house. After all, what lazy girl likes going through the hassle of opening her bedroom door, much less driving?

10. You have to refrain from talking with food in your mouth

Because that’s rude or gross or whatever, which is completely unfair because you love to multitask. Plus, what kind of person asks you about your job while you’re shoving pasta in your mouth?

11. You actually have to think about interesting things to say about yourself…

This usually comes after the dreaded question, “What do you like to do for fun?” And you have to figure out a way to make sleeping, eating and watching TV sound enthralling.

12. …so you contemplate just staying single

After all, if you stay single, you don’t have to go places and do things—well, other than those pesky things called work and class.

13. You get freaked out by serious conversations…

Yeah, asking about your childhood and what you wanna do in the future might seem like normal questions to ask on the first date, but now you have to spend time actually talking. You definitely dig small talk more.

14. …except, you sort of hate small talk, too

Because now you have to find a way to make your day seem interesting. Online shopping definitely counts as business development, right?

15. You realize just how uncomfortable wearing a bra is

Seriously, why did you choose to wear a bra for this date? Oh right, because you don’t want them to stare at your chest all night.

16. You know they'll want to continue hanging out after dinner

But this date has been like a whole hour and you just want to put on your comfy yoga pants already. 

17. That weird goodbye limbo takes so much energy

Granted, who actually likes this part of a first date? You’re both getting ready to say goodbye, but you both linger to see what the other person is going to do. Are they going to kiss you? Should you hug them? Should you shake their hand? No, that’s weird. Definitely weird. This whole process takes up way too much of your valuable Instagram time.

Dating is exhausting, pretty much regardless of whether you find romantic success or not. With everything else going on in our lives, devoting time to meeting and pursuing new people, be they for long-term commitment or fling reasons, can get tough.

Added to that is the fact that people aren’t usually giving you the truest version of themselves when you’re in the early stages of dating (we all do it—it’s okay!). It can be hard to detect whether someone is worth your time or not, so we polled some expert collegiettes for their takes on which traits are red flags in a romantic partner and which you can give another chance.

Red flags

1. They mansplain to you 

People can be hard to read in dating situations, but there are some clear tells that someone is way more into themselves than they are into you—don’t waste your time here! There are several indicators that a person doesn’t have a genuine interest in getting to know you.

“One I've experienced is them trying their hardest to relate to your interests/hobbies,” says Veronika Potylitsina, a senior at the University of Toronto. “For example, I'm actually, really interested in architecture and they try to make things up about what they know about the thing that are obviously wrong.” Classic case of a man thinking he knows more about your topics of interest than you do yourself.

Mansplaining is about the least sexy/appealing/acceptable thing that happens in the realm of dating, so don’t let anyone mess around with you like that. You have every right to drop them (and give them a lecture on the real facts as well as why they don’t need to overcompensate and patronize you by trying to show you up on your own knowledge).

Related: 7 Types of Guys That You’re Too Good For

2. They’re overly attached or jealous

Clinginess, especially in the early stages of dating, is super disconcerting. You don’t want them to be dependent on you from the get go!

“If they're moving too quickly, that's another red flag—overattachment is often a little troublesome if you're just getting to know them,” says Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth College. They don’t know you like that.

Jealous behavior takes this unhealthy attachment a step further. “If a no-strings-attached type relationship has been established yet he gets obviously jealous when you talk about other people to him (such as abrupt end of conversation, trying to immediately hang out with you, trying to ‘one-up’ the person, etc), that's also a red flag,” Veronika says.

“Being possessive is not part of the deal and should be addressed immediately,” she adds. No matter the stage of the fling or relationship, jealousy is toxic and can lead to unsafe situations.

3. Flakiness

Flakiness, even when it comes to a fling, is more than just annoying—it’s deliberate disrespect of you and your time.

“One of the biggest red flags is when the person acts in a manner best described as flaky,” Rachna says. “They talk to you when they want to, but as soon as one of their friends shows up, they ditch you.” If it’s a repeated pattern, you’re better off without them. Like we said earlier, you’re busy!

4. It's all about them

Regardless of the seriousness of the relationship, both parties should be committed to reciprocity at the very least. “I dated a guy who always managed to turn the conversation around to interest him or make it about him, says Tiara Curow, a senior at Central Washington University. “I could bring up a topic and he would give me his side but wouldn’t ask me about mine, or if I brought up something that he wasn’t interested he would blatantly ignore it and start talking about himself or whatever he was doing.”

If they can't handle a two-way conversation, it's not likely to make for a good relationship. “The biggest red flag is when a guy won’t stop talking about himself or always keeps things superficial,” Tiara says. “I was dating a guy for two months and we had no problems discussing what my major is or my favorite food but when it came to my family or anything slightly personal he was not interested.”

Getting to know people is hard work, and if you’re invested, they should be too. “I think this shows that the person really isn’t interested in getting to know you or doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere,” Tiara says. Next!

5. They don’t take anything seriously

Sure, a fling is a fling, but if your relationship is moving to the next level and they are noncommittal or don't take you or your relationship seriously, that's probably not a good sign. “I once went out with a guy who was a fun, go with the flow type of person,”  says Morgan Mullings, a sophomore at St. John’s University. “While there's nothing wrong with this, when things got serious he avoided any serious topics or conversation!”

If you're not comfortable with their aversion towards real talk, steer clear. “There's a time and place for EVERYTHING, and if he can't handle talking about something a little tough, that's a huge red flag,” Morgan says. There's a difference between wanting to have fun and being a 12-year-old inside the body of a 20-something!

Related: 7 Signs You Dodged a Bullet With Someone

Second chance traits

1. Lifestyle differences or personal preferences

Just because you don’t have everything in common and don’t love all the same things doesn’t mean you won’t get along or last. These differences could potentially make your relationship even stronger in the long run! You’ll fill in one another’s gaps.

For example, you might be a vegetarian and they might be a hard core meat eater. It doesn’t mean it isn’t meant to be, it just means that you have an opportunity to have some interesting conversations with one another about these sorts of things! If the chemistry and interest is there, you can absolutely make it work.  

2. Things about them others don’t like

Pretty much any outside advice about a romance should be taken with a grain of salt. After all, the person giving the advice is probably not one of the people involved in the romance itself, so they can only understand what’s going on to a certain degree!

It’s one thing if other people in your life have genuine concerns about your health or safety when you’re seeing a person, but just because your SO’s personality doesn’t match with your friends’ or family’s doesn’t mean they’re wrong for you. “I would recommend enduring through ... family and friends [who] don't initially approve of your SO (and vice versa!),” says Rachna. They’re your SO, not your family’s or friends’!

3. They’re close with their family

It can be unattractive if someone talks about their family a lot, much less spends a great deal of time with or talking to their family members. Aren’t we supposed to be flourishing in our independence? You might be that way, but just remember that that may not be the case for everyone.

“I once went out with a guy who called his mom and talked about her literally all the time,” Morgan says. “This was off putting at first because I was like, ‘Are you dating me or your mom?’” A classic conundrum.

Closeness with a parent or other family member that you aren’t used to shouldn’t send you running for the hills, though. “But later on it wasn't as frequent and I realized they just have a very good relationship,” Morgan says. “And that actually makes him a better person to date.” Hopefully that bond means they’re more grounded and have good priorities. And if they’re sharing details about their other close relationships with you, that’s gotta be a good sign!

4. They overshare

This is the contrast to guys who are super into themselves. Oversharing might be too much or even seem a little creepy, but (hopefully) it's just an indicator that they're comfortable with you!

“Most of the time, the guy is just really excited to tell you about his life and share the things that he enjoys and can get a little carried away,” says Charlee Hrubesky, a sophomore at Indiana University. “I like guys who share their lives with me, even if they like to share a lot at one time.” You are supposed to be getting to know each other, after all.

A healthy amount of pickiness is good—you shouldn’t have to settle—but you could also miss out on someone really great if you discount them based on something that might not actually be too big of a deal.

Hopefully this little guide will help you weed through the dating duds and know who you should be holding out on. Share your red flag and go-ahead traits on Facebook and Twitter!

We’ve all been there. Perhaps there was alcohol involved or maybe you were really adamant about getting some action that night, even if that person wasn’t your first choice. Maybe your high school relationship makes you cringe every time you think about it. Whatever the case may be, constantly feeling embarrassed or regretful isn’t going to make the situation simply go away. Instead, consider alternative reasons why you shouldn’t feel embarrassed.

1. You wanted to get laid

There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to get laid, and despite what you might think, sometimes that is enough of a reason to hook up with someone (with consent, of course). Remember that hookups and bad relationships do not define you as a person. They may take an emotional toll on you now, but you’re in charge of your character! What you may have done or not done sexually in the past is only an inkling of who you are. You are more than your sexual encounters.

In the wise words of Stacy*, a sophomore from Lehigh University, "You should never regret something that you once wanted or made you happy.” She summed up concisely why you shouldn't be embarrassed about a one-night stand.

2. You learned a lesson

Whether it was an awkward hookup or maybe a regretful relationship, chances are you got something out of it and know better for next time. You learned a lesson, whether it’s not to drink too many tequila shots or not to trust guys that only want to have sex and not a relationship. Maybe you even learned that you deserve better.

Kathy*, a sophomore from New York University, says, "We are young and it's okay to experience things just for the sake of it. As long as you get something out of it, take the time you have to be carefree."

Perhaps you even dated someone that everyone told you to avoid. "Bad news" was his description, and now you've suffered from the inevitable burn. Although it's a little embarrassing to be wrong about someone, take the newfound breakup as an opportunity to learn about yourself and your needs so you can avoid a relationship similar to the last.

Related: 4 Reasons You Feel Sad After Sex

3. There's another person on the other end of the hookup

More often than not, gossiping over who was bad or embarrassing in bed over brunch has seemingly become the norm. Some circumstances that might be embarrassing include a partner that was extremely unhygienic or underwhelming.  However, try to keep in mind that, despite their pitfalls, he/she consented to sleep with you too. Meaning, this certain person decided to have sex with you and you might want to consider their feelings. While your feelings are valid, no one likes to hear rumors about how bad they were in bed. Instead of bashing your ex or your hook-up from the night before, remember how damaging and degrading it is to hear rude comments about you.

Katie* from Syracuse University, relates to this issue as she realized her words had gotten back to her. "I had a bad hookup with this guy and told my friends about it, who ended up telling their friends about it. Long story short, the guy's entire frat doesn't speak to me anymore." Keep this in mind when your friends ask you discuss your night. Your comments could come back and hurt you.

4. No one really cares

Although your friends may tease you about something or someone embarrassing, at the end of the day, no one is too concerned with who you’re with because almost everyone has had an embarrassing hook up. Hard to point fingers when almost all of us have been there. Your real friends should be supportive and willing to comfort you, not harass or embarrass. They should know you as someone they cherish, not someone "tarnished" by a bad hook up or boyfriend. And if your friends are the teasing type, try to "roast yourself"!

If you’re still convinced that that really embarrassing hookup or relationship “ruined your life,” just keep waiting it out. We promise you’ll get over it, forget about it and have a great laugh about it one day. As long as all parties are consenting, you really shouldn’t beat yourself up too much about that awkward hookup. Good luck!

*Names have been changed.

When you love someone so much, reaching one romantic milestone after another is the most magical feeling. Traveling with your SO is no exception. Escaping the everyday setting and getting whisked away to a relaxing vacation with your sweetheart is a special occasion indeed, but it’s a big step in your relationship as well.  How do you know you’re ready to make that step? Here are some things to consider before you go on vacay with your SO.

Are you comfortable enough to vacay with them?

Love doesn’t necessarily need to be measured by time, right? But traveling with anyone (SO or otherwise) requires that you know him or her pretty well. If you’ve only been dating your SO for a few weeks, for example, it may be a little too soon to go traveling with him or her. If you’re going to a place far from home with someone who you don’t completely know yet, it can be risky in terms of safety and of keeping your new relationship stable. Abbie Long, a junior at the University of Kentucky, knew what time was right for her to make that big decision to vacation with her boyfriend.

“Four months after my boyfriend and I got together, he and his family invited me to go on their annual family vacation together. I passed on the opportunity to go with them because, personally, I thought being together for only four months was too soon to spend a week together on vacation,” Abby says. If you’ve got the gut feeling that it’s a little too soon to vacation with your SO, then wait until you feel absolutely comfortable before you two start making vacay plans.

“A year later, [my boyfriend’s family] asked me to go on vacation with them again and I without a doubt said ‘yes’ because at that point we had been together for well over a year, and I was so much more comfortable with my boyfriend and his family,” Abby says.

On the other hand, you are the ultimate judge of whether you know your SO well enough. If you feel you two are totally ready to go on a splendid getaway, then go for it! Jackie Nappo, a senior at the University of Connecticut, took a vacay with her SO a little early into their relationship and she ended up adoring the experience.

“I actually took a huge leap of faith with my current boyfriend.  When we had only been dating for three months, we took at 12-day trip together to Ireland, just the two of us. It was crazy, and I was really nervous about it, but it ended up being one of the best experiences for our relationship and so much fun,” Jackie says. Every relationship has its own pace, and if you think you’re far enough along in it (whether that’s a few months or a year), then go ahead and book that trip with your special someone.

Can you tolerate their everyday behavior every day?

If you already live with your SO, then you may already be used to their sleeping, eating and even hygiene habits. However, many couples haven’t reached that stage yet. Vacationing with your SO may be your first glimpse into their everyday habits. You’ll have to deal with their habits for that vacation period, and they will have to deal with yours. Would you be able to stand it if he or she leaves a mess in the kitchen at breakfast in your Airbnb? Or if your SO isn’t very organized and loses his or her passport all the time during your trip? These may seem like little things, but be honest with yourself. Are you far enough into your relationship where you can deal, or would these things really irk you?

“When you're traveling, there isn't an escape from your SO's quirks, so you really have to be pretty in love to make that work,” Jackie says.

This applies to traveling with friends too; the dynamic can change negatively or positively when you’re with each other for a week or two without separation. Keep these things in mind. That’s not to say it’ll definitely be a bad experience; it could turn out to be like an early honeymoon you’ve been dreaming of! Just know you’ll both confront each other’s “at home” habits and will have to accept and adapt to them as you trek along in your vacation together!

Can you handle the stresses of vacationing together?

Traveling is a wonderful experience, but a stressful one too; it can test your patience with one another and how you work together through daunting situations. Your relationship will go through many tests, and vacationing with your SO may end up being one of them. But don’t fear that if you get into an argument during your trip, that means your relationship is in turmoil. A trip together will test the both of you, but it will also make you grow together. Make sure you communicate throughout your vacay and always work together to get through common travel stresses like immigration issues or transportation problems. In the end, you’re traveling together because there’s no one else you’d rather have beside you to explore the world. Take all those bumps in the road and conquer them together as part of your romantic journey.

Where will you go?

Don’t think you need to splurge on a trip to the Bahamas to make sure it’s a perfect vacation for the two of you. Everyone is different, and there are so many unique destinations and experiences that’ll be perfect for the both of you. For some people, vacationing with your SO’s family sounds like the sweetest experience you’ll ever have, while for others it sounds pretty scary. An outdoorsy couple would love to head to the Midwest for the ultimate hiking trip, while an artsy couple may be down for a visit to Paris to see the Louvre. Sometimes, you don’t even have to go that grand and you can turn a seemingly not-so-vacation-like activity into a complete trip for the both of you. Katia Davis, a senior at the University of Kentucky, made a one-day event into a full-blown vacation and it turned out splendidly.

“My boyfriend and I decided to take a vacation alone together last year and it was one of the best vacations I have taken. One of the main reasons we decided to vacation together was because his best friend was getting married in a different state and he was a groomsman. We decided to make the one-day event a week vacation instead of only staying a few days,” Katia says. Taking an activity and expanding it may be a great solution to finding that perfect vacay spot.

Also, if you and your SO have very different ideas of “fun,” then compromise on a place that you know the both of you will thoroughly enjoy! You may be into Disney parks, and he/she might be into scuba diving, so head to Florida and dedicate one day to exploring Disney World and another to going to a beach nearby to scuba dive. Be open with your desires and be willing to compromise so that you can not only do what each of you like, but that you can share your interests with your SO in a thrilling new way.

So should you vacation with your SO? Take these factors into account and really evaluate your own relationship before you make this big decision. Talk with your SO about the possibility of traveling together and get a handle on how they feel about it. If you and your SO have some issues already, then can a trip really resolve those issues or make them worse? If your SO is having any doubts about vacationing with you, hear them out and keep up the communication so you can come to a solution together. Vacationing with your SO has its realities which you should consider before you book that first trip. However, take these points of consideration as just that; traveling with your SO really is an enthralling adventure that’s totally worth having. To wake up to your SO’s face in the morning in a new place far, far away, then walking out into this new world together, ready to explore every alley and corner is a truly priceless experience. Travel hand and hand with your true love when you’re both ready and make your first trip together one you’ll always remember.

I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we've been there). Email advice@hercampus.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.

@pregnantandconfused: I am a senior in college and I am pregnant. I will give birth to a baby girl in July. My boyfriend has been super supportive and has decided to stick around and I will be graduating in August with my bachelors degree in political science and psychology. Sounds like we might actually make it work, right? Wrong. My boyfriend still has another two years of school to complete and our families are insisting that I move back home to raise the baby at my mother’s house until he graduates. The problem is, home is an hour away from where he goes to school. We have plans to see each other every weekend but I still don't think that gives him enough time with the baby. My ideal situation would be to move in together and start our lives right when the baby is born, not wait for two years. So tell me, am I being selfish for wanting to move in with him? And how can I keep our relationship strong if we really are separated for two years?

@helpmehc: Being pregnant isn’t easy, and when you also have to factor in being a college student, things can quickly get a 1000000x more complicated. While it’s understandable that you want to be able to live with the father of your baby and not be apart for two years, it may actually be the best idea to move back home and raise the baby at your mom’s house until your boyfriend graduates.

I can already hear you groaning, but here’s the thing: you know the saying it takes a village? Well, that will never ring more true than after you have a baby. Moving in with your boyfriend means you will most likely take on the biggest chunk of time when it comes to caring for your child. Though he’ll be there with you after classes each day, there will be times when he’ll be too focused on getting through his classes in order to graduate and may not pay as much attention to you and the baby as you thought he might. Then you’ll also need to consider the fact that he’ll most likely need to get a job in order to support the three of you, leaving little to no time at home with your and the baby. You’ll start to feel as though you’re carrier the heavier burden when it comes to your child, and it will cause you to resent him.

I say, move back in with your mom. Let her help you as much as she’s willing to so that you can also have a chance at jumpstarting your career—that’s what you went to school for after all, right? Set up a schedule that works for you and your boyfriend to make sure you’re getting adequate amount of time together, ensuring he’s spending as much time as he can (and should) with the baby. Once he’s finished with school, then the two of you can figure out the next steps to building a home together with your little family. But until then, what may be best for you and the baby is to look to your family for support. Trust me, the day-to-day is always tougher on a young mom and you’re going to need all the help, love and support you can get. Right now, your priority should be you and your baby, making sure you become the successful woman I’m sure you hope to be, who doesn’t need to ever rely on any man, because you always have to be prepared for anything.

We have preferences for just about everything in life—pizza toppings, music genres, brands of toothpaste, types of milk—but when it comes to how we want to receive love (aka how we want other people to show they love us), the options may not always seem as crystal clear as skim, soy, cashew or almond.

It’s one thing to talk with our partners about what candies we like on our froyo or which Netflix movies are our favorites, but talking about how we both want to show or receive love isn’t exactly a casual conversation. However, when we don’t talk about the things we wish they’d say or do more often (or less often), the relationship can easily spiral into a passive-aggressive mess.

But, wait—are we supposed to automatically know how we want to be showered with love? Or even give love, for that matter?

The solution? Understanding the different languages for how we all express and receive love. According to relationship expert Gary Chapman, who wrote The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, there are five different “languages” of expressing love to someone. Chapman believes that by discovering which language speaks to you, you can find out what makes you feel the most fulfilled and happy. Additionally, by learning your partner’s love language, you can understand their preferences and better cater to their needs.

If you think you’ve taken every type of personality quiz on the planet (or BuzzFeed), think again. Inspired by Chapman’s book, the Five Love Languages Quiz is a love life game-changer; by filling out the simple questionnaire, you can learn exactly how you understand the language of love, giving you crazy insights into what you want in a relationship. The quiz results rank your love language preferences from strongest to weakest, and a video on the site even illustrates visually how each language can be expressed.

Check out these descriptions of each love language.

Words of Affirmation

For you, it's all about talking the talk. If this is your language, you think it's most meaningful when your loved ones compliment you and tell you not only that they appreciate you, but why they love you and think you're so special. You're also not one to easily forget insults or negative comments.

Acts of Service

You're the kind of person who feels most loved when someone close to you helps out with responsibilities and chores that consume your time and energy. Whether your SO lends a hand with the laundry or helps with a project without being asked, acts of service give you major heart-eyed emoji feels. On the other hand, you'll be pretty crushed if your partner is lazy or backs out of commitments.

Receiving Gifts

For you, receiving a thoughtful gift shows that your partner knows you inside and out. You value gift-giving, as well as any sacrifices that went into the experience of presenting the gift. This also means you value relationship milestones, and you'd have a hard time shaking off a forgotten anniversary, birthday or thoughtless gift.

Quality Time

You're happiest when you and your SO get to spend time together—just the two of you. In your opinion, the ultimate grand gesture is when someone you love carves out time to see you outside of noisy restaurants or bars, crowded gatherings or big parties with other people. And if someone bails on plans or is constantly more interested in their phone than in what you have to say, it's over.

Physical Touch

Hugging, holding hands with someone you love and meaningful touches on your arm, shoulder or face mean the world to you. If this is your language, you feel most loved when you are physically close with your SO. Likewise, you'd be crushed if you felt neglected or ignored by your partner.

These descriptions may sound like they came straight from an overly cheesy anniversary card, or they may just seem obvious. (I mean, who doesn’t want their partner—or anyone else, for that matter—to do the dishes for them?) However, by knowing the love language of you and your partner, you gain insight into how you want to receive love and how you can best show your special someone that you appreciate them.

Related: 4 Scientifically Proven Ways to Communicate Better With Your SO

According to Cosmopolitan, it’s important to address the fact that you receive love in a way that might be different than how your partner receives love, and the Five Love Languages Quiz is a surefire way to confirm your love-receiving preferences.

So, once you know your language, how can you put it to use? We talked to a dating expert and a number of collegiettes who swear by love languages to resolve conflicts and enhance their relationships.

1. You’ll find out what makes your partner happy

Once you know your partner’s love language, you can start making more of an effort to show them affection based on their preferences—and this will undoubtedly bring the two of you closer and show that you care about what makes them happy.

Devin O’Connell, a University of Florida senior, says that she and her boyfriend have been dating for almost two years, and that knowing each other’s love language has enhanced their relationship by allowing them to understand each other’s preferences. “In the very beginning, I told him that 'Quality Time' is my love language,” the 21-year-old says. “Through that, he always makes an effort to spend time with me, even if it’s just seeing each other for 10 minutes a day.”

The act of taking the quiz with your partner, or even suggesting that he or she take the quiz, shows that you are interested in finding the best way to love them—and that is pretty valuable in and of itself.

“If you can find out the best way to love your partner, I think that’s very special and shows that you really care about that person,” Devin says.

If your partner is a “Words of Affirmation" person, you can show them love by complimenting them, telling them you’re proud of them for something they accomplished, or that you love that they’re so passionate about a project they’re working on. If they speak the “Acts of Service” language, you can lend a hand with a task they’re dreading or offer to help with small but meaningful chores; this will really show them that you care about making them feel loved and fulfilled.

2. You can learn a lot from your ‘secondary’ languages

The Five Love Languages Quiz tells you more than just your primary love language; it ranks your other languages from strongest to weakest, which can offer valuable insights into what else you want from your partner and how much or how little each language matters to you when receiving love. 

Marla Manes, a University of Florida junior, says that she learned a lot about herself just from discovering her secondary love languages.

“I already knew that my language would be ‘Physical Touch’ going into the quiz because I love hugging and cuddling and holding hands with anybody that I’m close with,” she says. “But the quiz gave me new insight into my secondary languages—the ones that I still value or use but at a lower level. Those results surprised me, but the more I thought about them, the more I considered the results to be true. It showed me my relationships in a new light.”

Marla says that she and her boyfriend have been dating for almost four months, and that taking the quiz side-by-side was a beneficial experience. “By taking it with a partner, you also learn about them and about your relationship,” she says. “We learned about what each of us value so that we can express our love effectively. … All of the languages are valid, and I think it’s just another tool that you can use to strengthen your relationships.”

Love, like any emotion, is not always clear-cut. The love languages concept reflects this notion with the secondary languages, which represent nuances or “dialects” of how you want to be loved.

3. Discussing your love languages as a couple can help the two of you communicate better

Samantha Daniels, author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker and creator of the dating app The Dating Lounge, says that discussing your love language with your partner is a simple but beneficial exercise that can make it easier to talk about your preferences.

“A lot of people have a hard time telling their partner that they wish they’d say ‘I love you’ more often than they do, or that they wish they’d show their appreciation in a different way because they’re not feeling loved,” Daniels says. “But having these set categories or ‘languages’ makes it easier for people to explain not only what they want from their partner, but how and why they feel connected to that type of language.”

Taking the love langauges quiz can spark an important dialogue between you and your SO and can make it easier to talk about other topics or issues that you may not have been as open to discussing previously.

4. Love languages can benefit other relationships in your life

Love languages are not limited to romantic relationships; discovering your language—and the languages of those around you—can make you a better friend, family member, roommate and team member.

“One night at dinner, a group of my friends took the quiz together and shared our results. It really made us such stronger friends because we’re able to know what the other ones need in order to feel that sense of belonging,” says Jacquelin Sheehan, a sophomore at the University of Florida. “I know one of my best friend’s is ‘Words of Affirmation,’ so I make sure to always tell her things I appreciate about her ... because I know she’ll benefit more from it.”

Telling friends and other loved ones in your life about how you like to receive love—and taking the time to learn about their personalities and preferences—gives you more opportunities to show them that you care about them in a way that best suits their wants and needs.

Related: 6 Ways to Show Your Significant Other You Love Them

So, the next time you feel misunderstood by your partner or feel as though you aren’t understanding what makes someone in your life happy, consider doing a little soul-searching and discovering your love language. Whether you appreciate a quality hug, a compliment, spending time with someone close to you, receiving a special gift or getting help when you need it most—each language of love is special and valid.

Follow Darcy on Twitter.

Popcorn? Check. Mood lighting? Check. Netflix logged-in and loaded?…Check. Now here comes the hard part—while there are tons of wonderfully romantic movies out there, sometimes you and your partner might want to watch something a little more…risqué than your average romantic film. If you’re searching for a movie that will add some extra oomph to your romantic night in, then look no further. We talked to a few collegiettes and rounded up seven of the steamiest and sexiest movies to heat up your next movie night!

1.The Notebook (2004)

To kick off the list, we’ll start with a popular favorite. Megan Scavo, a junior at the University of Central Florida, says that, “The Notebook, although a classic, is also very steamy at moments and can be a fun, flirty movie to watch with your partner."

When a poor man falls in love with a rich woman, things get complicated. Stars Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams offer up some serious eye candy, and their hot and heavy whirlwind of a relationship will take you and your partner on a wild, passionate ride.

Ways to watch: Google Play, iTunes, Amazon Video

2.The Blue Lagoon (1980)

Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins star in a 1980s-film adaption of the 1908 novel of the same name and basically live out one of the sexiest (and slightly horrifying) fantasies ever—being stuck on a desert island with your lover.

The movie follows the lives of two children who are shipwrecked on a tropical island. When the two are left to fend for themselves, they mature into young, beautiful adults, unaware of the sexual awakening they will soon encounter.

With their tanned and toned bods, newfound sexual desires and steamy love scenes, characters Emmeline and Richard “will remind you and your partner how it felt when you discovered each other for the first time,” says Leah*, a senior at Carthage College. “Their young love is so innocent, yet sensual at the same time.” The Blue Lagoon is one film that is sure to heat up your summer nights together.

Ways to watch: YouTube, Google Play, iTunes, Amazon Video

3.Two Moon Junction (1988) 

There’s just something about forbidden love that movies love to explore. If you’re looking for something a little steamier than just any old fling, then look no further than Two Moon Junction. “It isn’t necessarily Oscar-worthy but it’s steamy AF,” says Norris Goldflies, a senior at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

The film portrays a young Southern debutante named April who falls for a drifter that works at a local carnival. The woman temporarily abandons her upscale lifestyle and semi-arranged marriage to pursue a lustful, erotic fling with the young man. While not the ideal situation for a real-life couple, this film offers some lusty love scenes for you and your partner to enjoy.

Way to watch: YouTube

Related: 9 Date-Night Movies He’ll Actually Watch

4.Blue Is the Warmest Colour (2013) 

A woman with blue hair, a sexually confused high schooler and a roughly seven-minute sex scene are in store for you in the film Blue Is the Warmest Colour. This 2013 film is a coming-of-age erotic romantic drama that tells the story of Adéle, a French teenager who discovers her sexual desire and freedom when she begins a relationship with Emma, a painter with blue hair.

“The film is deeply passionate and an amazing depiction of self-discovery—it’s easily one of the raciest films I’ve ever watched, and it does not disappoint,” says Leah. If you’re looking to dive deeper into the steamier films and experience some LGBTQ+ scenes, then Blue Is the Warmest Colour is definitely for you.

Ways to watch: Netflix, iTunes, Amazon Video

5.Titanic (1997)

As another fan favorite, this option is extremely steamy to say the least. A young aristocrat named Rose falls in love with a poor artist named Jack (does anyone else catch a running theme here?) while aboard the R.M.S. Titanic, and their ill-fated, tragic love story will have you wanting your partner to draw you like one of his French girls. *wink*

“The car scene. That’s all I have to say. If that scene doesn’t define steamy, then I don’t know what does,” says Leah. Oh, and Leonardo DiCaprio of course.

Ways to watch: YouTube, Google Play, iTunes, Amazon Video

6. Secretary (2002)

Need a movie that'll keep your partner interested? If you and your SO are into sexy roleplay, then Secretary (aka the original Fifty Shades of Grey) is definitely the movie to watch. When a young woman gets released from a mental hospital, she gets a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer with certain needs—as you can guess, their relationship turns quite sexual.

"Secretary is definitely a movie that's fun for both parties," Leah explains. "Seeing Maggie Gyllenhaal crawling on her hands and knees in a secretary outfit will have your partner jumping at the chance to do a little roleplaying between the two of you." Plus, it's an easy way to drop the hint if roleplaying is something you've been wanting to try!

Ways to watch: YouTube, Google Play, iTunes, Amazon Video

7. Bang Gang (2015)

Although the topics toward the end of this movie shift to a more serious tone, the first half of the film will leave you and your partner all hot and bothered. The 2015 French film Bang Gang follows a group of young, hot and unsupervised teenagers who create a club to engage in sexual acts and games that get steamier and steamier. An added bonus? The movie is in French, so that in itself is pretty damn sexy.

If you're looking for some teenage angst, boredom and sexual expression to add some steaminess to your night, then Bang Gang is definitely worth a spot on your Netflix queue.

Ways to watch: Netflix, YouTube, Google Play, iTunes, Amazon Video

With some popular classics and maybe even a new one for you and your partner to watch, this steamy lineup of films is sure to make your next Netflix and chill a whole lot hotter.

*Name has been changed.

Once you're past the initial stages of a breakup—the crying, the Ben & Jerry's, the sad songs on repeat—there comes a point when you wonder what's next. How do you know when you're ready to start dating again? You don't want to hold yourself back, but you don't want to use someone as a rebound either. Obviously breakups (and recovery time) vary based on the relationship, which means there's no hard and fast rule for when to enter a new one. But if you're thinking about getting back in the dating pool, here are a few red flags that mean you might not be ready just yet.

1. You constantly compare everyone to your ex

Whether you use your ex as a golden standard or scrutinize potential beaus for their old annoying habits, this is a major sign that you still have a lot of baggage from your last relationship. "It's definitely alright to use them as a baseline whether it be good or bad, but if you compare your new partner to your ex for everything and still have them on your mind, you're not ready to be dating again and still have some healing to do!" says Mary, a junior at the University of Maine.

Even though you might be angry—not wistful—if your ex is constantly on your mind, it means you're not over them. It's unfair to the other person (and to you) to rush into something when you haven't let go of past feelings for a SO, even if those feelings aren't necessarily positive.

2. You're not open to love yet

You've made eye contact across the room for weeks, lingered after class to ~accidentally~ run into them, and got their number "just to check homework." Your friends tease you endlessly about it and, to be honest, your heart kinda does skip a beat. But when you find out they're single (aka available), you get cold feet.

This is a sign that you like the idea of a relationship, but don't want to actually dive into one just yet. Whether you're still exhausted from all the breakup fights or feel a little afraid of commitment, don't feel pressured to "get over it." Trying to force something you're not feeling isn't going to end well for you or that cute classmate.

Related: How To Tell Someone You're Not Looking For a Relationship

3. You feel like you NEED to be dating someone

This means you're looking for someone to fill a role, not someone to fall for—or maybe you're embarrassed by being single, especially if your ex has already found someone new. "If finding a [partner] feels like your number one priority, you're not ready to date again. I remember a time when I was insecure about being single and all I wanted was a boyfriend. Not only is this attitude unhealthy, it hardly attracted anyone to me," Mackenzie, a sophomore at the University of Washington, says.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on dating and love, but there's so much more to life than that. “You should feel confident enough in yourself as a single person before adding another person to your life,” says Lyndsay, a sophomore at Sam Houston State University. “You should be able to validate your own existence, not count on someone else for that.” If you find yourself obsessing over how to get a new SO, take a step back and remind yourself that you aren't defined by your relationship status.

4. You change yourself to be what you think the other person wants

It's one thing to compromise on which restaurant you two head to Friday night, but it's another to undergo an Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style transformation on the first date. This might be a sign that your old relationship left you with some insecurities about who you are or your self-worth—or maybe you were a chameleon with your past partner too. Either way, it's important that you bring yourself to a relationship, not lose yourself in it. Katie, a senior at SUNY Oswego, agrees.

"I had lost myself in this previous relationship," she says. “For over a year, I tried really hard to mold myself into someone that he wanted, and lost who I truly was along the way. I started to care less and less about things, and forgot about all my goals and career ambitions. I was so obsessed with trying to make him love me, I forgot about myself and the bigger picture. Now, I know I’m not ready to date again because I’m trying to find myself again; what I like and don’t like, working on what I want to do when I graduate next May, and I don’t want any boys to distract me from that."

Which brings us to our next red flag...

5. You've lost yourself

As the saying goes, the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. "I think that girls should look to focus on themselves for a little while after a breakup,” Colby, a sophomore at St. Lawrence University, says. “Focus on the relationship you have with yourself, and everything else in your life will follow suit, Get outside, go for a run, listen to your favorite music, go out with friends, have a sit down with your mom and/or sisters over some coffee, give some love to your pets, take yourself shopping, go to a yoga or painting class—just do something!"

Being single is an opportunity to give yourself some time and attention. Is there a hobby you've always wanted to try? A book you've been meaning to read for forever? Sushi restaurants you never went to because your old partner didn't like fish? You finally get to do all those things.

Related: 7 Things I Learned From My First Heartbreak

6. You're settling

Whether it's saying yes to a second date after an underwhelming first one or putting up with disrespectful behavior, settling for candidates who aren't a good match for you is a huge red flag. "It's the classic scenario of, 'Do I actually like him, or do I like him because he's showing interest in me?'" Rachel, a freshman at USC, says. "There's no need to rush into anything with anybody." When you're eager to get back in the dating world, it's tempting to settle for someone who's not great but “good enough.” Unfortunately, this kind of relationship rarely lasts. Know your worth and wait for someone you really connect with instead of wasting your time with people who aren’t right for you.

7. You're still tight with your ex

Being on good terms with an ex is obviously preferable in comparison to shooting each other frosty glares across campus, but that continued closeness might be holding you back. "If you still talk or text or Snapchat or whatever with them frequently, chances are you're still in that mindset of being with them one way or another,” Margeaux, a senior at Barnard College, says. “The feelings are still there and you haven't really had any sort of closure, even if you think you're 'friends' after a breakup."

When they’re your go-to for advice or their sweatshirts are still in your closet, it can be hard to remember you two aren't actually dating anymore. You won't be ready for your next love until you're over your last one, and keeping an old SO as a BFF might be an obstacle to truly getting over them. Setting some boundaries could be crucial to moving on.

After a breakup, it's easy to want to rush back into dating again—or swear off love forever. However, as Colby says, "You can never plan on who you will date or who you will meet, but you have to keep an open mind and you cannot shut yourself off to people just because of one bad breakup experience." But if one or more of these signs that you’re not ready to start dating again rings true for you, just take your time to make sure you don’t rush into anything just yet.

You’ve done your research, read a few Judy Blume novels and replayed your favorite sex scenes over and over again on Netflix (@Gossip Girl fans, we're looking at you). Bottom line: you’re fully ready to lose that v-card. But before you drop your pants, let us drop some knowledge on you: whoever is going to be by your side while you’re on your side (or back, or front—whatever works for you) is going to be a significant player in your conversations about sex for the rest of your life. Whether you’ve been dating for five years or you met five minutes ago, run through these red flags to make sure you know exactly what you shouldn’t be getting into—or who shouldn’t be getting into you.

Here for a good time, not a long time

SPOILER ALERT: The possibility of your first time being zero to 100 back to zero real quick is pretty high. We’re not talking about speed of the act itself, but the speed at which your first-time lover decides to get out of your bed/tree house/high school locker room.

Moriah Raisis, a junior at Southern Methodist University, can attest to this issue well after losing her virginity to one of her first college friends. “All he wanted to do was talk about sex before we even did it, and I was in such a hurry to get it over with that I didn't even notice,” she says. “The worst part? Afterwards, he said, 'Hey, I don't wanna sound rude, but... could you please leave?'”

You may be eager to throw your virginity out the door, but you probably want to make sure you’re not being thrown out right behind it. Make your expectations clear about the time you want to spend together—if you and your supposed special someone aren’t on the same page, you might want to keep those pants buttoned.

Related: You Will Not Be Able to EVEN with These First Time Sex Horror Stories

He’s just not that into you… or you’re just not that into him

Your first time can come with some serious emotional attachment. While it’s pretty hard to tell how you’re going to feel before you get between the sheets, you can usually get a good read on things by figuring out if you and your partner-in-sex feel the same way about each other.

Katie Short, a senior at SUNY Oswego, comments on deciding to hold off on losing it to her close friend who she had been hooking up with. “He started to develop feelings for me,” she says. “I told him we couldn’t continue doing what we were doing because it was disrespectful to him and would only hurt him, and after some reluctance on his part, he agreed with me to just be friends and to not continue hooking up.” Acknowledging that sex is going to hurt one of you (and not just physically) is an important, mature step in saving you from either serious guilt or serious heartbreak down the road.

Under pressure

You’ve told your ideal person that you’re down to get down, but, ever since then, you haven’t heard anything from him or her other than talk about doing the deed. Suddenly, your first time has become the only focus of conversation, and you feel like you need to just rip off your clothes so you can finally change the topic.

If your relationship with someone has changed just because you started talking about having sex, then it’s probably bound to change even more once you get around to it. It’s possible that this person is super excited about the possibility of kicking your physical relationship up a notch, but it’s also possible that you could be another notch on his or her belt.

Next time sex comes up in conversation, make sure you set things straight about your intentions. If getting laid is the only thing keeping you together, maybe it’s time to break apart.

Related: 29 Thoughts Every Girl Has the First Time She Has Sex

Easy cum, easy go

Birds do it, bees do it, but now it seems like everyone is doing it. You’re ready to make moves with literally the next person you see, because Trojans are beyond #trending right now and you’re not trying to be stuck in last season. Pump the brakes before you put it in—love may be blind, but lust is absolutely blackout.

Rachel, a recent graduate from James Madison University, saw her friends getting busy and wanted to join in. “I thought about doing it with an older boyfriend at the time (he wasn't a virgin), but I wasn't 100 percent convinced and was really only thinking about it because I wanted to have sex, not because I wanted to have sex with him,” she says. “If you're more into the idea of it than the person themselves, it probably isn't the right person!”

FOMO and quick access to a quickie shouldn’t be the driving forces behind your first choice in bedmate. If “I was down and he was there” is the only explanation you can give, you might want to shut your legs and open your mind to some other options.

One-hit wonder

You’ve only been to first base, but it’s really good. Like, amazing good. So good, that the minute you start kissing you’re fully ready to strip. Great kissers must be great in bed, right?

Take a look at that logic. That’s like saying people who are great at simple algebra are equally outstanding at astrophysics. Or that people who can microwave Easy Mac have a shot at an Iron Chef title. Or that your Instragram getting more than 400 likes makes you the next Annie Leibovitz. Just because this person may have mastered the most basic level of physical pleasure, you shouldn’t jump to any grandiose conclusions.

Kayleen Parra-Padron, a senior at Florida International University, knows this feeling well. “My ex and I had been dating for about a month and I was literally crazy about him because he was really good at making out," she said. "Of course, good kissers always lead to possible regrets afterwards.” And honestly, she was right. She held off on getting off and he dumped her.

We’re not trying to tell you that a good kisser is a bad choice. But just because someone has the lips of an angel, you shouldn’t be expecting some heavenly lovemaking.

Related: The Truth About Virginity in College

Your first time can be a super exciting milestone or a humorous anecdote for future parties. Needless to say, you’re not going to forget it—so make sure you’re losing it to someone who you want to remember. Good luck, collegiettes, and make good choices!

The typical single college girl is asked about her relationship status an average of 500 times per day. Or, at least that’s what it can start to feel like. You’re thriving academically, satisfied with your squad, and beyond excited to start that summer internship you’ve been looking forward to all semester. So why is everyone worried about your single status?

For some reason, plenty of people think a collegiette’s love life falls into the same category of small talk as asking about where she goes to school or if she has any pets.  Female celebrities are all too frequently subjected to this same question on the red carpet instead of being asked about their accomplishments and have totally nailed the perfect witty response to shut down nosy reporters.   

Maybe, like Rihanna, you’re just not looking for that kind of thing right now. Or maybe you and your potential boyfriend/girlfriend are DTF but haven’t DTR’ed yet, and you don’t feel like explaining what that means to your grandparents at your fam’s barbecue. Whoever is asking, here’s how to address the situation and seamlessly transition into talking about that internship you just landed––or anything else that’s happening in your busy life as a single collegiette!     

Your hairstylist  

Your usual stylist at the blow dry bar was booked and you find yourself face-to-face with a complete stranger for nearly an hour.  There are only so many magazines to flip through, and your phone is about to die. It’s only a matter of minutes until they ask the question––and when you shake your head no, it’s time for the equally dreaded follow up.  Are you really about to explain your entire philosophy about the benefits of being single to them? Please don’t. Or delve into the saga of how you wound up in a super messy love triangle in a matter of weeks? Probably not.  After all, your stylist is just trying to make smalltalk, not become your therapist.  

You really don’t owe them any information about your personal life, but you also don’t want to snap at someone holding a curling iron two inches from your face and tell them to mind their own business. Instead, say that you’re way too busy for a relationship and start talking about something that really fills your schedule. But what if they push the issue? Lighten the mood with a joke by showing them that GIF of Rihanna and tell them that you don’t mind being compared to her!    

Your mom

You’ve been back home for all of five minutes and your mom has asked you about the new person she saw on your snap story a month ago multiple times. Of course, she’s not satisfied with the answer that you two are far from a thing––She wants to know why on earth you’re not a couple, and do they have a sibling your sister’s age? 

First, take a deep breath, and suggest she do the same. Maybe she’s worried that all your friends are in relationships and you’re the last single girl on campus. If that’s almost the case, tell her that you already experience all of your squad’s relationship drama firsthand and have no intention of getting involved in that anytime soon. Don’t go overboard on the gossip, but mention something that’ll make her think twice about wishing you were in the same situation.  

How to avoid being bombarded with SO talk at all? Keep your mom updated on what’s going on in your dating life during the semester. Meet someone new? Let her know! Went on a fabulous first date? Give her the details! Well, maybe not all the details. She probably has some fun guy-related stories to share from her time in college, and the sooner you get her talking, the sooner you can stop talking about your own love life.  And, when she’s done, don’t forget to remind her that its time to go blazer shopping for that new internship!  

Your squad

Right now, your friends could be dating any one of these seven types of guys. But the guy you’ll hear the most about? The one they want you to go out with!  

They might be thinking about how much more fun it would be to go on double dates instead of always making you the default third wheel. In that case, tell them that an all-girls spa day sounds just as fun and make it happen. If they decide to spend their entire mani-pedis pestering you about why you refuse to get cuffed?  Remind them that not sticking a label on the person you've been seeing doesn’t make spending time with them any less fun.

Or maybe your entire squad is single, and they want you to be the one to switch up the usual hook-up centric brunch talk with some good, wholesome couple stories––even though you’re really not feeling the whole relationship thing right now. Try playing matchmaker for one of your more introverted friends and set her up with someone super sweet. Chances are, she’s only so obsessed with your relationship status because she isn’t happy with her own. And once she’s coupled up, it won’t be your responsibility to bring the relationship talk to the table!   

Related: The 15 Most Annoying Things Single Girls Are Tired of Hearing

Your grandma 

When you were twelve and had your first major middle-school crush, your grandma probably told you to stay far, far, away from them. Now it seems like she’s counting down the days to your wedding. Wait, what? 

Don’t freak out. Stay calm and tell her just how busy that cool new summer job keeps you. Even if you’re really not looking for a guy, reassure her that if you had the time, you’d be interested in going on a date or two.  

And if your squad is single too, Let her know! When she was your age, it was probably way more common (read: basically required) for girls to be seriously paired up, and even controversial for them to admit liking being single. Tell her about how you like to spend your limited free time with your girlfriends, and mention the cute brunch place you went to last weekend.  

But what if she refuses to let the subject drop? If the question becomes so common that it starts to feel like you can’t have a conversation without her judging you by your relationship status, mention the situation to your mom or an aunt. They might be able to reassure her that there’s nothing wrong with you being single and help change the topic quickly next time she brings it up.    

Guys

Every so often, the dreaded question is going to come from a guy. Is it a backhanded compliment, implying that as fabulous as you are, you’d be better off if you had a SO? Or is he genuinely curious, wondering what might convince you to consider giving him a chance?  

If you’re into him, this is the perfect time to let it slip that you just haven’t met anyone that you really liked yet––and ask for his number.  Of course, if you’re not looking for anything serious, don’t lead him on. Be as honest with him as you would want a guy to be with you when it comes to relationship expectations. 

And if you just want him to mind his own business? Tell him you just don’t want a boyfriend right now, and that’s all he needs to know. Don’t let him pressure you into divulging more information than you feel comfortable. If he persists, ask him about his relationship status––Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Maybe because he thinks that being nosy is a good way to get one. 

Unless you’ve been in a devoted relationship since dating apps became popular, you’ve probably installed a dating app on your phone at one point in time. While some of us are active dating app users who are constantly checking Tinder for new could-be lovers, we can’t deny that dating apps aren’t for everyone.

After all, it can be nearly impossible to actually find love when you’re using a dating app in a college town. I mean, clearly every college student is looking for “the one” at 1:30 a.m., right? While you might periodically uninstall your dating apps whenever you get a crude message—so you know, three times a day—there are several factors that should deter you from using them.

Related: 7 Dating Apps You Won’t Believe Exist 

1. You’re getting matched with too many jerks

Pretty much everyone has come across an unhealthy amount of hyper-sexualized pickup lines or crude messages on every dating app. However, if you’re getting too many of these messages, it might be time to consider deleting your profiles.

Alex McGuire, an alumna from Iowa State University, says, “I ended up uninstalling a dating app because I realized that people were approaching me not necessarily because they thought I sounded interesting, or had things in common, but because they wanted to know what my ethnicity was or where I was from. I’m multiracial, which apparently means you can start off conversations as insensitively as you want. I never felt more tokenized or fetishized in my life.”

Unfortunately, people use online and app dating as a way to hide behind a screen, which is why some people think that they can just ask abhorrent questions without any repercussions that would happen in the real world, such as getting a drink thrown in their face followed by a swift knee to the groin.

While one loathsome idiot shouldn’t deter you from using any dating app, it might be time to save yourself from unnecessary abuse if you start to receive multiple derogatory messages.

2. You would rather build relationships in person

Although dating apps might seem like a stress-free way to get to know some potential new suitors, especially for introverts or anyone with social anxiety, dating apps can make it more difficult to interact with your match once you meet them IRL.

Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth College, explains that while she’s never used a dating app before, her friends have uninstalled their dating apps “to advance relationships through real-life meetings.” This totally makes sense, because we all need to have chemistry in the real world to be able to stand hanging out with anyone.

We won’t lie: it’s going to be tough to hold a face-to-face convo, but it’ll be worth it. After all, nobody wants to live a life behind a phone.

3. You’re using them to boost your self-esteem

Dating apps can definitely give you a temporary self-esteem pick-me-up, because everyone on every dating app matches with you because they like your face (unless they’re one of the two people who actually read your bio). However, this may just give you a pseudo-boost of confidence, because you're actually basing your self-worth on validation from other people.

Kayla Düngee, a junior at Georgia State University, says, “I personally quit dating apps because I used them as a quick fix when I was feeling low (break ups, self-image issues, etc). There are better ways to heal yourself rather than seek validation that you are beautiful and worthy through an app.”

While it might be nice to know that people other than your best friend like you, you’re ultimately just going to feel crappy when you swipe right on a cutie only to find out that it isn’t a match. Now, the app that made you feel momentarily great about yourself makes you feel like you’re less than, but in reality you’re a catch and that person is just shallow.

Not to mention, some people actually berate their matches just because they didn’t message them back within the minute—you know exactly what I’m talking about. They send you some "witty" pickup line, you don’t respond ASAP because you’re being productive and then they say “that’s okay, you’re fat and ugly anyway.” Gee, I feel so stellar about myself now.

If you don't believe us that dating apps can negatively impact your self esteem, take it from the American Psychological Association's study on Tinder's influence on self-esteem. Jessica Strübel, Ph.D., of the University of North Texas, explains, “Tinder users reported having lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and bodies and having lower levels of self-worth than the men and women who did not use Tinder." There are plenty of healthy alternatives to using a dating app. Working on some self-love is a much more fruitful way to make you feel better about yourself, without giving you any forced boost of self-worth. Instead of swiping away your body image woes, get your girl squad together, put on some face masks and watch Netflix.

4. You’re in a relationship (whatever that relationship might be)

It should go without saying, but just uninstall your dating apps as soon as things start to get serious—whether serious happens before or after that dreaded DTR talk is up to you—between you and bae. Unless of course, you and your devoted other half are searching for a cat sitter on Bumble or a third person to join you in the bedroom choosing a side in your lovers’ quarrels, then by all means use all of the dating apps known to Android.

However, if there’s no doubt that you and your SO are dating, you shouldn’t even think about installing a dating app on your phone. We get it, you’re obviously just using it to "look at eye candy," but just stop yourself before you even start. Just be normal and watch porn to ogle at your eye candy.

If you and your boo haven’t had the official—but awkward—talk about what you are, but you still feel like you want to devote your time and energy to this person, then you should still uninstall you dating apps. No matter what you tell yourself, if you’re talking to other people in a romantic way when you’re "in like" with someone else, then you’re probably feeling like you’re hiding something from them. Call it guilt or a selfish way to make yourself look slightly less terrible, but it will make you feel better to delete the apps altogether. After all, are you really going to miss getting those creepy Tinder messages every day?

5. You’re too busy

While every college girl boss is busy, some are just especially busy. Some of us need our friends to reserve a spot in our Google calendars just to have a five-minute chat about when we can hang out next. If you’re about to have an emotional breakdown because you need to reschedule your itinerary just to make room for a 15-minute coffee date, then don’t do it. You could just use your dating apps to find a FWB, but you still have to find time to fit them in your schedule. Don’t fret; a vibrator is a busy girl’s best friend. Hello, multitasking!

Unless of course, you find a stellar person who’s willing to hook up while you’re editing your thesis watch Netflix while you comb through your hundreds of emails. If that’s the case, you better lock that ish down.

Otherwise, stop dreaming about unicorns and remove every dating app from your phone. If you know deep down inside that you don’t have time for a fling or a full-blown relationship, then don’t try to fool yourself into thinking that you can make time to go on a few quick dates.

6. You’d rather be single

In a society that seems obsessed with finding your other half, it might be difficult for anyone to fathom that there are people who just aren’t content with being single, but who live for being single. Regardless, we do exist.

Whether you just want to be single for the moment, the next ten years or the rest of your life, you shouldn’t download a dating app if you aren’t feeling it. After all, the whole point of a dating app is to talk to someone new and eventually meet them, so don’t put yourself through the stress of combing through prospective dates if you don’t want to date. Seriously, think of everything you could accomplish if you stop yourself from wasting time looking through prospective FWBs or soulmates on Tinder. After you uninstall all your dating apps, you can use the time that you would have wasted on judging peoples’ shameless selfies on Tinder by practicing some self-love.

After all, nobody is really alone, unless you live in a controlled environment and don’t talk to anyone at all, under any circumstances. Most of us have friends. Even if you don’t have a solid bestie that you spend every waking (and sometimes sleeping) second with, you should at least be comfortable chilling with just yourself. Let’s face it, you’re the bee’s knees and you should love hanging with your single self, so sit down on your clichéd college futon and binge watch your fave Netflix series (without fear of being "interrupted" by someone who wants to "chill").

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of falling for someone new; everything is exciting and you discover so much about yourself and the other person throughout the entire process. It truly is a magical feeling. However, before you start picturing your life long-term with them, you might want to take a few steps back and evaluate the situation to determine if you really want to start developing feelings. The next time you start dating someone new, ask yourself these seven questions to see if you really should be taking that plunge into a potential relationship.

1. What are you looking for?

Before you can even attempt to start dating someone new, it’s best to sit back and reflect on what your personal goals are for a potential relationship. Are you interested in finding something serious, or would you prefer more of a hookup-only scenario? Determining what you want before you start dating someone new is absolutely essential so you can ensure you’re both on the same page. If you don’t know what you want, how do you expect them to know what to give you?

“First and foremost, it’s important to know what you’re looking for—a hookup, casual dating or a relationship?” says relationship counselor and dating coach Samantha Burns. “This impacts how you approach dating and the emotional energy you invest into the process. If you’re hoping to land a new relationship, you should reflect on your love lessons, which are things you’ve learned in your past relationship(s) so that you can become a smarter, more intentional dater moving forward. You should also ask yourself: what are you most proud of and most passionate about? Feeling confident in yourself and being able to speak energetically and engagingly about a topic is a big turn on when dating.”

Remember the popular phrase, "You have to love yourself before someone else can love you?" Well, this applies to knowing what you want out of life, too. 

Related: 9 Things You Need to Know About Dating in Your Twenties 

2. Do they make you laugh?

Having a compatible personality with a potential SO is such a key element of a successful relationship. A sense of humor is often something that is listed high on people’s requirements for a SO, so finding someone who can make you laugh is so important. “Nice gifts or fun dates are always enjoyable but the way to my heart is a good laugh,” Hannah, a senior at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, says. “Any guy I fall for has to have a great sense of humor and be able to make me laugh with his jokes.” Before you start actually dating someone, consider their personality and decide whether you two laugh at the same things. If the answer is no, you might want to reconsider pursuing a dating relationship with them.

3. Would they get along with your friends and family?

Even if you aren’t looking for something too serious right now, it’s important to consider whether this person will get along with those who are the most important to you: your friends and family. Successful dates often end with that person being introduced to all who love you and their approval usually weighs heavily on the outcome of the relationship. Try to avoid any negative outcomes by considering whether your crush will get along with your friends and family. “I always like to think about whether my parents will like them,” Kandis, a senior at University of California, Santa Barbara, says. “If I don’t think they’ll get along, I don’t want to waste my time developing feelings just to have to cut things off later. I wouldn’t want to date someone who doesn’t want to come hang out with me and my parents for a casual night in; that’s such an important aspect of a relationship for me!”

4. Do you even have time to commit to growing a relationship right now?

We all know college can be an extremely busy time for everyone, and you have to decide whether you can squeeze in yet another thing into your already hectic schedule. Building a new relationship takes time, so you should really consider how much spare time you have to devote to something new.  If you barely have time for yourself, you might want to pump the brakes a little and avoid starting anything new. “I always have the busiest schedule, but if I’m interested in someone enough, I’ll make time to grow that connection,” Carmen, a senior at San Diego State University, says. “It really depends on the person though. If I don’t see potential for something serious, I’ll just hang out with them when I can instead of actively making time for them.” Again, knowing what you’re looking for ahead of time is absolutely essential.

Related: 5 College Dating Mistakes You’re Making (& How to Avoid Them) 

5. Do they fit in with the picture you have for your future?

Honestly, what’s the point of dating if you don’t see some sort of future with them? You might not need to see wedding bells, but if you can’t picture yourself with this person for at least the next few months, save yourself the trouble and cut ties now. “It’s easy to get swept away in the early stages of a new relationship, when the neurochemical cocktail of hormones, such as dopamine and oxytocin, give you that lovin’ feeling,” Burns says. “This stage can last anywhere from about six months to two years, so to figure out if you’re truly a good match, you’ll want to see how your relationship grows and feels once you’re out of the honeymoon stage. If those smitten feelings wear off and you realize you don’t have a lot in common, have very different belief systems, or you don’t like yourself in the relationship because you’re constantly feeling needy, jealous, insecure or sad, then it may be time to call it quits.”

It might be tough to ask about their core values or beliefs early on in a fling, but it’ll definitely be worth the awkward convo if it saves you from realizing this person has a completely different life plan than you.

6. Do you have physical chemistry with them?

Physical attraction isn’t everything, but it is an important element when it comes to dating someone. It might take a little bit more than just being able to daydream about a steamy hookup with this person, but it certainly won’t hurt anything to have that extra connection! “I’ve tried dating the ideal ‘good guy’ but I just didn’t have that sexual chemistry with him…it just didn’t feel right,” Josephine, a sophomore at Arizona State University, says. “Even though he was everything I said I wanted on paper, it just couldn’t turn into anything because I never felt the urge to just make-out with—which is definitely what you need in a relationship!” After all, this is what sets someone apart from just being a casual friend.

7. Ultimate question: Are you willing to take the chance of getting your heart broken?

Honestly, getting into a new relationship is scary AF. Letting yourself fall for someone new is a huge step, and some of us are just too afraid to even try. One of the biggest questions you can ask yourself when faced with the opportunity to start seeing someone new is whether you’re willing to take that chance of being heartbroken. If that person is worth the risk, then by all means, go for it! Not sure if you’re even ready for something that risky? You might want to err on the side of caution and slowly ease yourself into seeing someone new instead. “I’ve been burned too many times in the past, it’s sometimes hard for me to fall for someone new,” Madi, a junior at Colorado Mesa University, says. “If I think I could actually develop feelings for someone, I make sure they know how cautious I am about it all so they can understand why I sometimes act the way I do.” If they are worth it, they’ll wait for you to be ready.

Basically, being open and honest with yourself about your dating goals and intentions is absolutely crucial when you’re faced with dating a potential new beau. As cliché as it sounds, how can you expect someone to be honest with you if you can’t be honest with yourself? Save yourself (and the other person!) some time and consider these questions before you pursue a new relationship!

All relationships have different stages of developing. Many of us have heard about the honeymoon and puppy love stages, but what about the commitment stage? This period of stability and seriousness in young couples seems to be fleeting with the rise in popularity of casual sex and low-key relationships. Because of this, people are either too embarrassed to have "the talk" to define the relationship or they tend to stay with people who are just never going to fully commit. If one person is expecting much more than the other, it's going to lead to massive disappointment from the lack of progression in the relationship. Here are some ways to know if you’re with someone with no desire to be your long-term serious bae.

1. They only contact you to hook up

This is one of the clearest signs someone is not interested in a full-blown relationship. The difference between hooking up and a committed relationship is a mutual understanding that you care about each other and want to spend time with one another outside of the bedroom. Sorry, but sending a “u up?” at 1:50 a.m. might mean they only want one thing, and it’s not a relationship.

2. Going on dates is out of the question

In conjunction with the reason above, dates are obviously not a priority to the noncommittal person. Both planning and showing up to dates requires time, energy and money that this person is not willing to expend. However, you’re allowed to have certain expectations.

Sarah*, a sophomore from Lehigh University, understands this quite well. “I used to hook up with this guy who would only try to hang out in his bedroom or mine,” she says. “He was clearly only interested in sex and not going out more. I moved on.” That’s an explicit example of someone who is simply not looking for something serious, or not looking for something serious with you.

3. They're not interested in meeting your friends or family

Perhaps you thought things were going well and maybe it would be appropriate to invite your hookup buddy to a family gathering or even a friend’s birthday brunch. But instead of attending the function with you, your offer has him or her running for the hills instead. This could be a sign that you’re either moving too fast for them toward a relationship, or they’re simply not interested in taking this step altogether. Healthy relationships involve making memories together and reaching milestones that everyone is comfortable and excited about. Dragging your hookup buddy to meeting your parents they don’t even want to meet is quite the contrast to something wholesome and relationship-worthy.

Getting to know your SO's parents and family is a big deal and should not be taken lightly since these are the people your girlfriend/boyfriend grew up/spends time with. For example, It's normal to have your significant other's parent's phone number once you're in a committed relationship. By the same token, your significant other should want you to meet and get to know the important people in his or her life as well. Committed people are immersing their lives together, and that usually involves meeting the people they spend time with on the regular.

4. Spending holidays together will never happen

As holidays approach, it starts to become a bit clearer if someone is interested in being with you long-term. Spending a holiday together might seem like a harmless offer, but it might be too big of a step for them to handle. Perhaps getting drunk together at a 4th of July barbecue seemed casual and non-committal at first, but having your family ask them what they want to do with their life might scare them away. Sophie*, a sophomore at Lehigh University, says she once "went to a holiday party with a guy who ended up crying about his ex saying he needed to figure himself out before fully moving on." She thinks the act of spending holidays together was a step taken too soon. Even if it’s a simple event, holiday parties are typically somewhere you can show off your SO—which is definitely not a place a person not willing to commit would want to go.   

Related: 5 Signs You Really Are Afraid of Commitment

5. They only communicate through Snapchat or text

In a world where connecting and conversing has never been easier with the help of smartphones, avoiding committed relationships have also become a norm among young millennials. Rachna, a freshman from Dartmouth College experienced someone who only “texted or Snapchatted but never wanted to meet up in person.” The famous beginning stage of relationships known as “talking”—where both parties are communicating mainly through their phones—is common in this day and age, but when this stage never evolves into more intimate meetups, couples tend to fall into a lingo of remaining “together, but not, like, dating.” You want to avoid this if you’re looking for a relationship. Hint:it’s not that romantic to get a text first if that’s all you get from them.

6. Conversations are mostly about hooking up

Maybe you do extend your conversations outside of the realm of Snapchat and iMessage, but what is the actual quality of your discussions? Is the content mostly about sex and the next time you’re going to do it? If so, remember that a healthy relationship has a lot to do with caring about the well-being of the other person. There’s much more substance to learn about your SO than just their sexual preferences, and if someone is not willing to learn about that, then they are probably not willing to be in a relationship.

7. They send you mixed signals

Maybe you don't resonate with the obvious signs of noncommittal reasons above, but something still doesn't feel right. One day your significant other is saying how he can see you in his future, but he doesn't bother taking you to his brother's wedding. Phoebe, a sophomore from Lehigh University experienced this early on when a guy "said cute things one day and I thought it was flirting, but then the next day he'll treat me like a bro. And the next interaction is flirty again. It's like the most confusing thing until I finally realized it wasn't going to happen." If what he says doesn't measure up exactly to how he's treating you, it's a sign that he has no intention of a serious relationship.

8. They are scared of typical relationship milestones

This one is a big one for people who are technically "dating," but one person's needs are not being met entirely. Partially to blame is the #goals tag on Instagram filled with couples holding hands in exotic places and kissing expensive jewelry together. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to do this! However, it's perfectly normal to post pictures online of you and your SO. It's 2018! Not only should you feel comfortable sharing photos of your relationship, but your significant other should be comfortable with it as well. No one should feel the need to validate their relationship online, but it's quite normal to create memories together in a healthy manner. Some normal committed relationship behavior involves taking photos, planning future trips or buying gifts in advance. Basically, it's a good sign if they're not afraid of seeing you in their future plans. If your partner tends to back away when things get too relationship-y and public, then maybe it's a sign they aren't looking for a serious relationship after all.

Relationships are about being comfortable and happy with the arrangement. If you’ve read this feeling defeated that you or your potential SO is probably not looking for a relationship, don’t sweat it. Sometimes the timing—or even the person—isn’t right. There is no perfect way to enter into a relationship, but there are healthy habits. If you’re experiencing any of the above and you’re not happy with it, it’s okay to speak your mind. Good luck!