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17 Horrifying Tinder Messages Every Girl Has Gotten

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Whether you're using Tinder for casual dating, hookups, romance or something in between, the online dating app doesn't necessarily make the love scene any easier. It definitely isn't Tinder's fault. In fact, it's usually the creepy people on the app who feel the need to borderline harass and berate you. Seriously, would any of these people even say these things to your face? I think not. We're pretty sure every girl has gotten something similar to these horrifying messages.

1. Sending a lengthy initial message explaining that they definitely aren’t a creep or pervert


I’m so glad you sent me a 1,500 character essay about the reasons you aren’t a creep. I’m thoroughly convinced.

2. The good ol' “Will you marry me?” message

You think you’re being cute, but it’s especially creepy if you lead with that crap.

3. Asking for your Snapchat within the first 30 minutes of Tindering

Yeah, no. If they ask for your Snapchat before they ask you for your number or ask you on a date, they want nudes.

4. Making weird comments about your height (especially if you’re noticeably short in a group photo)

Thanks for reminding me that you could just pick me up and run off with me. Now, I know that I’ll never hang out with you.

5. Asking for a threesome

No thanks, my schedule is all booked up with threesomes through the rest of the year. Try back in January.

6. Asking how big your boobs are

Idk, how big is your dick, Brad? Don’t worry, size isn’t everything, as long as you aren’t an a-hole.

7. The subtle sexual pick-up line

You think you’re being original, but you aren’t.

8. The not-so-subtle sexual pick-up line

If I had a dollar for every time someone sent me a lengthy pick-up line, which ultimately ending with them asking me to sit on their face, I’d have enough money to pay for tuition.

9. Getting angry

Sorry, nobody is obligated to go on a date hangout with you just because you asked. Throwing a temper tantrum doesn’t help your cause either.

10. The blatant “Wanna fuck?” message

You think you’ll get some kind of weird mythical points for being honest and straight to the point, but you won’t. You’ll probably just get unmatched or trolled.

11. Asking how many people you’ve slept with

Why do you even care? If you must know, then it’s 2,000.

12. Straight up insulting you

I'm sorry, isn't the point of Tinder to win me over on some kind of level?

13. Petty strings of messages because you didn’t respond in one second

Shit, sorry I didn’t respond between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. because I was at work. How inconsiderate of me.

14. Asking if you’re on the pill

Why, yes, I am on Tylenol. Thank you for asking!

15. Asking what you weigh

Why is this even a question?

16. Asking you to come over before you’ve even met

Oh, we’ve have three lines of text, you live alone and we’ve never met in a public place before? No thank you. I may have a crippling amount of student loan debt, but I don’t want to die today.

17. Blaming their terrifying and shameful messages on their friends

Mmhm. I’m sure your friend regularly snags your phone while y’all are casually hanging out at 9:21 a.m. on a Monday.


4 Things to Do if the Thought of Sex Gives You Anxiety

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Sex seems so simple in the movies, but working up to the big moment can be a challenge for many of us in real life. For some, the thought of sex and going through with the act is enough to induce panic before or during an attempt to have sex. Whatever the reason for your anxiousness, know that it doesn’t have to be that way forever. Here are four things to do if the thought of sex gives you anxiety.

1. Wait

There is no reason to rush or force yourself into doing something you are not 100 percent mentally or physically prepared for. There is no deadline to meet when it comes to sharing an intimate moment with someone.  

Melly*, a senior at Georgia State University, had to endure heartbreak which caused her to become apprehensive about sex.

“After I was cheated on, the thought of having sex would make me nauseous,” she says. “I have chosen to wait until I am sure that I am completely healed before I jump back into giving myself to someone in that way. I am still waiting, but every day I feel like I am making progress towards being more comfortable with the idea of sex.”

Listen to your body. When you are ready to have sex with someone, your body will relax and instinct will take over. If you feel as if you have to coach yourself through every move, you may not be ready.

2. Disconnect from society's view of sex 

There is enormous pressure from society on how females should exhibit their sexuality, which may distort your perspective of sex. There is so much emphasis put on the “first time,” and keeping your body count as low as possible. You need to construct your own opinion of what sex means to you.

Trisha*, a junior at Kent State University, was afraid to have sex because of the negative stigma society places on the act.  

“At a time when most of my friends were not having sex, the one thing shoved down our throats was how much it was going to hurt,” she says. “Not only that, but adults made it seem like there was no preventing pregnancy or STDs, and that our value as women would diminish if we had sex.”

Having sex and who you have sex with does not define you. So keep that in mind if you are anxious about people looking at you differently if you do decide to have sex.

3. Test the waters

The thought of having sex may make you anxious beforehand if you overthink it. However, you may become more relaxed if you slowly work toward the goal. Taking it slowly assures your mind and body that you are comfortable.

Be vocal with you partner. If you do feel uneasy, it’s important to let them know so they can take it more slowly or stop altogether.

Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth College, suggests open communication with your partner if you’re on edge.

“Approach it slowly – in a roundabout manner, rather than directly,” she says. “Letting your SO know that you’d prefer to do it that way can help your relationship from faltering.”

Establishing trust through communication is an important step when it comes to reducing your anxiety about sex.

Related: 13 College Women Get Real About Their Sexual Histories 

4. Pleasure yourself

Becoming more comfortable and embracing your body will help you become more comfortable with somebody else.

Masturbation is a great release for your body. It can also normalize your body to the feeling of intimacy and orgasms so you will not be sent into a frenzy if you do engage in sex.

Sarah*, a junior at The University of Alabama, also suggests watching pornography to relax yourself.

“There is a huge stigma around women watching porn, but there is a lot of material out there to educate women about their bodies and how they want to be pleasured,” she says. “It may also increase your own libido and inspire you to actively want to have sex.”

Self-love is the best love, and it’s an important step to intercourse with someone else.

Sex can be an escape from life’s anxieties if you wait until you are mentally and physically ready. You are not in a race or competition with anyone. Patience is key, but following the above steps may put you on a path to readiness.

*Name has been changed

13 Weird AF Things Everyone Does With Their SO

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No one wants a relationship that's all work and no fun. So admit it: anyone who's been in a relationship long enough to feel comfortable with their SO has done at least half of these weird (but totally normal) things. Where do you think all those inside jokes come from?

1. Using the bathroom while the other one showers.

2. Or asking the other to sit in there with you while you use the bathroom.

3. Popping each other's pimples.

4. Watching each other sleep.

5. And then taking pictures of them while they sleep.

6. Secretly filming them.

7. You pee with the door open.

8. And shamelessly fart around them.

9. You inspect each other's weird hairs and moles.

10. You smell each other.

11. Sleeping with each other's clothes because they smell like them.

12. Pretending to be animals.

13. Licking each other.

The College Girl’s Unofficial Guide to Sexting

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Sexting—the bow chicka wow wow of texting. The electronic hickey. The one time it’s appropriate to use an eggplant emoji.

For our millennial generation, sexting is pretty common what with our high definition iPhone cameras and the sheer existence of Tinder. By now, it falls into the standard order of operations of texting back and forth with some cutie only to end up sending a picture of your digital boobs through thin air.

In all seriousness, while sexting is a great way to practice a safe form of sex, there are a lot of things about it that aren’t safe at all. Since casual sexting is about as common as the casual hook-up, it means that you won’t always be sexting with someone who you know that well. You quickly give your physical privacy and security into the hands of someone else, and that being said, there are some definite dos and don’ts in order to sext the right way—and the safe way. 

Dos

Take your time

Just like foreplay, sexting is all about the buildup. The longer it takes, the better. The prolonged anticipation will keep both you and your partner wanting more, and the two of you can keep going at it until you’re satisfied (wink wink).

Taking your time sending messages also gives you a time buffer in which you can begin to trust your partner more. Like we’ve said, sexting is a vulnerable position to be in, and as you draw out the sexual buildup, you can also decipher the limits of just how far you feel comfortable going with the person.

“When I sext someone for the first time, especially if I don’t know them well, I always play it pretty safe at first just because I don’t know if they’re screenshotting everything I say,” says Hunter, a senior at the University of Louisville. “The more the conversation continues, I get a feel for if our sexual interests align and what kind of person they are. If they seem to check out, I immediately start to turn up the heat on my messages.”

Overall, your privacy is of the most utmost importance here, and you shouldn’t sext someone who would put that at risk. Take your time working up to a messaging climax so that you’re secure enough to let go and show your wild side in the messages.

Keep messages short and sweet

Try to find that sweet spot between a single sentence and a full paragraph. Writing “Ohhhhh” doesn’t really add anything to the conversation, but your partner having to endlessly scroll through your messages about all the dirty things you want to do to them is overwhelming. When sexts are too long, the details get lost, and that might even be a turn off.

“I had this one girl text me what probably translated to a full page,” says Lorenzo, a junior at the University of California, Santa Barbara. “It was mildly terrifying. I felt like I was reading a romance novel she had secretly been harboring in her soul but never got to write until she sexted me. Ladies! I encourage you to live your fantasy, but maybe just say it in two sentences.”

Remember that sexting should be a dialogue between two people. The perfect formula would be to acknowledge what your partner last said and also add something new to that each time by building on top of the idea or action that was offered to you.

Related: HC’s Guide to Safe Sexting

Be polite

We don’t mean saying please and thank you, but keep in mind that you’re still talking to a real person with feelings. Sexting is definitely not a situation where you should ever mock someone or make them feel insecure about what they’re saying.

Department Chair of Psychology at Cal Poly and licensed psychologist Jasna Jovanovic studies the socialization of gender, and has found that males tend be just as insecure about sexual response as women are. “Nobody wants to feel bad about their self, but oftentimes males are cast as initiators, and take the brunt of sexual criticism. In the case of sexual messaging, it’s easier for a female to be turned off and be vocal about the sexual fantasy the male has initiated as compared to a real life situation where she might be polite because of the in-person circumstance.”  

Be respectful of their boundaries even if it’s not real sex. As the old saying goes, treat others the way you would like to be treated. Starting with kindness will lead to a more pleasurable experience for both of you.

Cover your tracks

No matter how badly you want to save last night’s kinky conversations, just trust us and delete those messages right away, girlfriend. We all have those snoopy friends (or moms) who occasionally scroll through our phones and invade our privacy, and it’s better to be safe rather than have your friend (or mom) take a peek at your recent texts only to find some sub-par porn. There’s also a kick-butt app available called Couple, which is a password protected messaging service that lets you send photos and won’t sync to clouds. It’s all about keeping your moments private, and is a fantastic alternative to deleting your late night sexts!

“I had a bunch of saved sexts between my boyfriend and I that I never deleted,” says Morgan, a junior at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. “Long story short, my phone synced to my friend’s cloud and she still tells everyone about what hilarious and racy things we were saying. Now I always delete my messages the next morning to save myself from further embarrassment.”

As we’ve seen from celebrity photo scandals and private messaging hacks, the digital world is a really dangerous place where your private life can be exposed before you even know what’s happening. Take precaution and always cover your tracks before your sexy time messages are on display for all to see.

Sext soberly

Alcoholic sexting lubricant might not be such a great idea when you wake up in the morning and find out that you’ve been texting your partner like E.L. James all night. We already know the dangers of sending the drunk text, but imagine drunk sexting?! That’s a literal nightmare situation.

“I view drunk sexting the way I view having sex drunk,” says Leah, a junior at the University of Washington. “Alcohol increases your chance of making a mistake. When you’re drunk you would give consent to having sex with someone at a party without really meaning it, and the same goes for sexting. You’re not always in control enough to do what honors you.”

Psychologist Jasno Jovanovic heartily agrees. “A female under the influence is just as likely to be taken advantage of digitally as she may be in a physical social circumstance. The same rules of safety and consent should still apply to sexting.”

The danger of sexting drunk is that you lack complete control of yourself and aren’t present in the situation. In doing this, you risk sending something that you wouldn’t normally, which might risk your digital safety while also being completely embarrassing.

Related: How to Spice Up Your Sex Life in a Long-Term Relationship

Don’ts

Show your face if you send any photos

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT—WE CAN’T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH. Don’t do it, period. Ever. Unless you’re just begging to be blackmailed.

“Exchanging nude pictures is something I really enjoy doing in my relationships, especially if my boyfriend and I have to spend time apart,” says Naba, a senior at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. “It hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’m always terrified that one day I’ll see nude photos of my body on the internet or being passed around my group of friends. I never take pictures with my face in them specifically for that reason.”

While we generally want you to be able to trust people in this world, there are a few bad apples out there. By including your face in photos with your naked body, you give your sexting partner a dangerous power to potentially hold those photos over you. Women’s Health has great advice on what to do if you partner leaks your photos on the internet.

There’s also the risk that other people may be able to get into your partner’s phone, and the last thing you want a random stranger to find is a picture of your smiling face accompanied by your breasts. You want to be completely unidentifiable. Let this be rule number one of safe sexting.

FaceTime

This goes hand in hand with not including your face in any nude photos you send. Sexually FaceTiming your partner gives them the power to take screenshots without you being aware of the situation. This is a great time to stick with good old fashioned sexting and stay away from our advanced iPhone technology.

“My boyfriend and I were doing long distance, so we would FaceTime each other fairly often as opposed to sexting, just because then we could still see each other and it felt more real,” says Marley, a sophomore at New York University. “I had been with him for nearly two years so I completely trusted him, and it never even occurred to me that he would screenshot anything I was doing. One time he came to visit I was looking at the pictures on his phone and saw a bunch of graphic ones of me. I didn’t get mad because I had never explicitly not asked him to not take pictures, but I still felt like the privacy of my body had been violated. It was definitely an awakening to just how scary that situation can be, especially if don’t know your sexual partner very well—or at least can’t get your hands on their phone to delete pictures of you.”

We trust that you are all smart women who have a strong sense of self-preservation and are capable of making intelligent decisions, so just remember that nakedly FaceTiming bae is not a decision you should ever make.

Use emojis or weird anatomical language

This just isn’t tasteful. Nobody wants to see an eggplant with water droplets coming out of it. Enough said.

Also, calling certain body parts by their scientifically correct names makes them sound like a disease. Saying labia over pussy is completely fine–it’s whatever works for you. However, there is a fine line where maybe you should use slang terms, or consider not saying the anatomically correct name at all. If your partner starts to sound like a medical textbook and insists on using the words “fallopian tube,” please rethink your life choices.

Related: 9 College Women Share Their Tinder Nightmares

Sext if you haven’t had sex

This is not the time or place to discover what sex is or how it happens. Some people say that the general rule of thumb should be not sext anything you haven’t done in real life. This may be limiting, especially if you wanted to explore something kinkier to sext about. So, let’s change the general rule to don’t talk about anything unless you’ve covered the sexual basics (penetrative sex, oral, etc.).

“There was this one time in my first year of college where I was trying to sext with some older guy and come off as really cool,” says Gabrielle, a senior at Northeastern University. “Jokes on me though because I was still a virgin, and so my sexting was a terrible mixture of being really vanilla, completely absurd or just flat out wrong.”

You have more of a chance to turn your partner off rather than on by making up a sexual fantasy if you haven’t had sex in real life. You have no idea what your partner is actually into or even what you’re into. Try not to skip the important first step of intercourse here.

“Digital sex is more often a method of sexual exploration for women than it is for sexual pleasure,” says psychologist Jasna Jovanovic. “This is a contained experience where you can openly entertain your fantasy, but it should not be used to explore what it would be like to have sex for the first time. In my opinion, it will take away from the authenticity of losing your virginity, and just like porn build up false expectations of what sex actually is.”

Oh, sexting. Our ancestors would be so appalled if they knew what we were using our advanced technology for. Regardless, sexting is a regularity now, and we hope that our official dos and don’ts can help you out the next time you want to engage in some textual flirtation. 

21 Things Only Women Who Love Sex Understand

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Does just the thought of sex get you hot and bothered? Of course it does—there’s nothing like being intimate with someone that raises your body temperature before you even hit the sheets! Here are some other things you’ll relate to if you're filled with lust and live for pleasure.

1. You’ll easily cancel plans to go out if you’ve got someone sexy to stay in with.

Why go hottie fishing at the bar when you’ve already got a great catch to enjoy at home?

2. You’re as giving and adventurous in the sheets as you are in any relationship.

Bring on the chocolate covered strawberries and strip poker!

3. But if you’re single, you love the freedom of being able to date—and sleep with—whomever you please.

The world is more or less a giant candy store filled with delicious possibilities.

4. You don’t see booty calls as a bad thing. They’re a perfect chance for you to get some late-night TLC.

Nothing wrong with getting that late-night text.

5. But just because you love getting it on doesn’t mean that you’ll have sex with just anyone.

Requirements include: smelling nice, having an actual personality, willingness to share an entire pizza before or after sex, etc.

6. In fact, the entire notion of “being easy” makes you want to roll your eyes to the back of your skull.

You’d rather be sexually liberated than pay attention to any misogynistic ideals that condemn women for living their best lives.

7. You feel so great in lingerie that you make it a point to treat yourself to new sets every once in a while.

Lacy bras, pretty thongs, dainty garters—oh my!

8. But you don’t put too much thought into how you look before sleeping with someone.

You could wear a Winnie the Pooh costume, and it wouldn’t matter. Once those clothes come off, they're staying off.

9. You sometimes wish there was an app that predicted when you’d be having sex again.

Forecast of rising temperatures throughout the day, with a high chance of a rendezvous later on in the evening.

10. But in any case, you’re always prepared to get down and dirty.

You never travel anywhere without condoms, lotion or a pack of breath mints.

11. You strongly believe that foreplay is like seasoning a chicken before cooking it—you need it to make the chicken cook well.

Otherwise things can go from zero to WTF real quick.

12. That’s not to say that you don’t have horror stories that would put Stephen King to shame.

The one hookup that was so bad, you refer to them as “it” instead of their actual name.

13. Of course, you share every detail of every hookup with your BFFs.

If your girls want the scoop, you can’t not dish and tell.

14. You see your gyno so often that they’re practically family at this point.

Even the receptionist recognizes your voice when you call to make an appointment.

15. And you’re not shy at all about being naked.

You’d run through the streets in your birthday suit if you could.

16. Honestly, you get more exercise having sex than you do going to the gym.

You’re moving so fast and shifting into so many positions, it’s like doing yoga and cardio simultaneously.

17. You get horny at the most inappropriate times.

Is it normal to have fantasies about your Caribbean Studies professor from senior year while waiting in line at Chipotle?

18. You wonder about crazy things, like what face you make when you orgasm.

It’s not like you can request a mirror in the moment.

19. And you have so many fantasies that when you finally get your chance to do it, you completely unleash.

Like that one time you channeled your inner Harry Potter geek and screamed “WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA” while climaxing.

20. Also, you either adore Fifty Shades of Grey or despise it.

Read the book, watch the movie—either way, you’ll end up getting hot and bothered, or just seriously…bothered.

21. Overall, sex is something that makes you feel great—about your body and about yourself.

And there’s no better, sexier kind of self-love than that.

What First Time Sex is Like For Guys

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Is sex for the first time really that different for guys than it is for girls? There are a lot of myths and stereotypes attached to sex, depending on gender—but they’re not all true. From movies and TV, it may seem like sex is completely different for guys than it is for girls, but we talked to several guys to find out what it’s really like, behind-the-scenes.

1. Guys can regret their first time

Just like girls can regret having sex, guys can, too. A guy may have sex earlier than he expected or with a partner that he’s no longer with. It’s perfectly normal for either gender to feel a sense of uncertainty about whether or not they made the right decision.

“My ex and I broke up shortly after we started having sex,” says Colin*, a recent graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. “She started cheating on me. I didn’t regret having sex at the time, but now I kind of do. I didn’t know what type of person she was.”

It’s not the end of the world to end up regretting your first time, for a variety of reasons. All those things you heard about virginity and how sacred it is? They’re not necessarily true. Your sex life is what you make of it, and there’s nothing shameful about not being 100 percent pleased with how your first time turned out. Don’t forget: practice makes perfect!

2. Guys could be having their first time even if their partner is not

There’s a stereotype attached to the idea that guys have more sex—and start having sex earlier—than women. The fact is that this isn’t true. Plenty of guys have sex later than girls, and even if it’s his first time, that doesn’t mean it’s hers. 

Just because one partner has had sex, however, doesn’t mean the other partner should feel insecure. “I didn’t know if I’d be living up to expectations,” says Adam*, a freshman at Boston College. “My girlfriend assured me that she really wanted to have sex with me, and that there was nothing I could do wrong.”

While it’s true that you get better at sex with practice, the same is true for every partner. Just because someone’s had sex with other partners doesn’t mean they’ll be better at sex—because they still have to learn what it’s like with a new partner. Sex is about exploring what two people like as individuals as well as together, and it’s a learning process no matter how many previous partners you’ve had (or haven’t had).

Related:12 College Guys Get REAL About Their First Time

3. The first time may be different depending on his sexuality or gender identity

There’s no across-the-board answer for what it’s like to have sex for the first time as a guy, especially when you take into account the variety of sexual orientations and gender identities.

Nathan*, a senior at the University of Connecticut, says that he was hesitant to have sex for the first time because he wasn’t interested in anal sex, and many gay and bisexual men are. “By not liking anal sex, I felt like there must have been something wrong,” he says. “My partner was really understanding, but I was worried I was not making him happy.”

Nathan also made sure his partner, who’d had sex before, got tested for STIs. He recommends that even if your partner seems certain that they’re clean, it’s a good safety precaution to be absolutely sure. Nathan offered to get tested as well, even though it was his first time having sex. “Even though I was never sexually active, it just showed we cared about each other’s well being and comfort before committing sexually,” he says. 

For transgender and genderqueer guys, sex can also be a time of self-discovery and mutual trust with a partner. Jack*, a sophomore at Emerson College, knew he needed to feel completely at ease with a partner before having sex, because he’s transgender.

“Trans people are open to a lot of discrimination—which sometimes leads to violence,” Jack says. He also had worries that a female partner wouldn’t find him attractive and wanted to be absolutely certain there was a level of trust before having sex.

4. He’s probably nervous too

This is another one of those completely false stereotypes: that women are nervous about their first time, but guys aren't. It’s a myth that, to be honest, doesn’t make a lot of sense. If you were doing something you’ve never done before, why wouldn’t you be at least a little nervous?

Steven*, a junior at California State University, says that he was nervous the first time around. “I didn’t know what I was doing,” he says. “Neither of us did—but that didn’t stop me from feeling worried. I didn’t want to mess it up, do something she didn’t like or do anything to hurt her.”

Nathan also felt awkward and uncomfortable during his first time—which he attributes to the fact that he wasn’t sure about anal sex. “I understand most people feel awkward before, but I felt like I should have been more excited,” he says. He also realized that he and his partner have different sexual preferences, but it’s okay and they can find ways to compromise. “My partner and I are still together and learning something new about each other as time goes on.”

If a guy’s nerves seem to be getting in the way, stop and make sure that both partners are consenting and really want to have sex. If they do, but are just nervous, ease the tension by reminding them that you’re not perfect either—you’re just human. Level the playing field, and don’t make sex into something that has to be achieved perfectly from day one.

There are so many stereotypes out there, but truth be told, sex is different for every person, regardless of gender. Sex, especially for the first time, really varies depending on the partners involved, their level of trust and mutual respect, enthusiastic consent and many other factors.

4 Signs That You Haven’t Forgiven Your SO

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In relationships, you can always expect a few bumps in the road. From disagreements about where to eat to bigger issues like cheating, unexpected fights happen all of the time. At the end of the day, you make up with bae and move on. But what happens with the big fights that bother you even after you’ve kissed and made up? Even though you tell you tell your SO that you accepted their apology and have forgiven them for what they’ve done to you, sometimes you could be lying to yourself.

1. It hurts when mutual friends are hanging out with them and not you

When you’re in a relationship, sometimes your friends become their friends and vice versa. When fights happen and you’re at home dwelling on what you could have said and your boo is out with your mutual friends, it can make you feel like your friends picked him over you.  

Ciara Clemons, a sophomore at the College of Charleston, says, “For me, the idea of him hanging out with people that you're both friends with hurts you. It’s super trivial but I think it’s definitely a sign that you’re still hurt and almost a bit betrayed that your friends would pick him over you.”

If they’re good friends to the both of you, they will make time for the both of you, but sometimes friendships get confusing when relationships and the relationship fights are involved. But, if you’re jealous of him for hanging out with your friends or feel like he’s doing it to spite you, it may be a discussion for the whole group to have.

2. Seeing them in person is awkward, to say the least

We’ve all had those awkward encounters with ex-friends and ex-significant others, but what about the person you’re in a relationship with?  Those fun hangout sessions, dates or just running into each other on the street can be awkward post-fight or argument. If you feel yourself getting tense, not talking or find yourself way more interested in your phone than normal, maybe forgiveness hasn’t happened yet.

“I'm the type of person who only sees the good in people, so when I'm blindsided by a guy, I physically don't want to see him,” says Emily Schmidt, a freshman at Stanford University. “If I see him walking down the street and he looks my direction, I'll stare straight ahead. The day I can wave and smile at him is the day I know I've forgiven him.”

No matter how he has wronged you, try to work past the awkwardness and have fun. Forgiveness is a process and focusing on moving on through hanging out and having normal conversations can help, in some cases.

Related: 27 Things Guys Do That Really Annoy Us

3. You still get upset when you hear about them and what they’re doing

With social media and mutual friends, it can be impossible to not hear about what everyone is doing at all times. If you made peace with your SO or simply just don’t care about what they’re doing, then seeing them on your friend’s Snapchat or hearing a story about him won’t bother you.

Ashley Drayton, a graduate of George State University, says, “I try to stay my distance, but if I'm constantly checking social media, or getting upset if I hear anything about him then I know whatever happened is still bothering me.”

Your SO needs to get over the argument and have their space just as much as you do. If they’re on social media having a blast with their pals and you’re at wine night obsessing over what he’s doing, then you’re not enjoying your time apart. When issues hit the fan, going your separate ways for a night or two can help you both reflect on what happened and help you both make peace with one another.

4. You boycott the places they’re going to be

If you get food poisoning at the sushi place or if you know that your ex-friend will be at that one party everyone’s going to, you probably boycott those places. It happens to everyone, sometimes there’s those places you just will not go under any circumstance. Even a fight with your boyfriend can result in your boycotting, but it’s not always the best way to “get over” a fight.

“I was talking to a boy in a fraternity, but he ended up being a jerk, so I've been refusing to go to socials that my sorority and his fraternity have, and things of that nature,” says Camila Mota, a sophomore at New Mexico State University. “I also refuse to go to any pool parties at the apartment complex he lives in.”

Boycotting him can help create space between the two of you, but it can also keep you from having fun with your friends. When it comes to parties, socials and other big events, there will be so many people there that you two may not even cross paths. Save the boycotting for bad hookups and ghosters, use the tool of conversation for your bae.

Whether it’s a fight with your current SO, a hookup gone bad or an ex, forgiveness takes time. You may think you’re over a situation or a fight, but at the end of the day, you could be holding onto the resentment. If time has passed and forgiveness doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards, you may have to go back to the root of the problem or fight and see if you will actually be able to work on it in order to have a healthy, successful relationship.

5 Things You Didn’t Know About Boners

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An erection happens when blood rushes to the penis, making it firmer and enlarged. Think of it as a boner’s way of saying “hey” and giving you a thumbs up. They happen for a number of reasons, and there are a lot of factors that affect the ~quality~. Whether you’re a virgin or you’ve seen your fair share of erect penises, these are a few surprising things we think everyone should know about boners, so you can become somewhat of an expert yourself.

1. They’re more spontaneous than you think

Sorry ladies, but getting a boner doesn’t always mean that a guy is totally into you. Sometimes they just happen without conscious control.

Dr. William Schiff, a urologist from Fresno, California, specializes in men’s health and erectile dysfunction. He informs us that there are actually three different types of erections. “Arousal from physical contact is called a reflexogenic erection. If the erection spurs from audiovisual stimulation it’s called psychogenic. The last are nocturnal erections which happen when someone is asleep.”

Eric, a junior at the University of California, Irvine, puts this in easy-to-understand terms. “Foreplay and making out obviously gives me a boner, but sometimes nothing gives me a boner,” he explains. “I’ll be sitting in class and the room will be really cold, or I’ll remember I forgot to turn in a homework assignment, and then it just happens. I get them a lot from things that are the most non-sexual.”

What does this new penis fact mean for women? What he’s packing can be just as much a surprise for him as it is for you. If you wake up in the morning to some unwelcome morning wood or see a bump in his jeans start to rise while you’re talking, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s coming on to you. Understanding what stimulates erections is important. Most guys have 11 erections a day, and we can bet that most of those don’t have anything to do with sexy-time.

2. Certain habits have negative side effects

Your body isn’t going to be in great shape if you eat poorly and don’t exercise, and those same rules apply to boner quality. An unhealthy lifestyle can make arousal a lot harder than you would expect.

Getting intimate with a guy who does a lot of smoking and drinking also doesn’t bode well for the bedroom. It’s been confirmed that these habits play seriously into erectile dysfunction in younger men. Smoking inhibits proper blood flow, which means the penis isn’t getting the blood it needs when your guy is aroused. In turn, alcohol acts as a depressant, so even if he wants to get hard and show sexual desire, it may not happen. If his erectile dysfunction becomes a problem where he can’t get it up every time after having a couple drinks, don’t be afraid to talk it out and maybe pursue a healthier daily lifestyle to achieve a healthier sex life.

Related: 5 Sex Taboos You Should Be Over By Now

3. Anxiety is so real

Having performance anxiety or even a serious psychological issue like stress, anxiety or depression will definitely make it a struggle for him to get hard. Mental health actually has so much to do with erections. Whether he’s nervous about sex or even anxious about things happening at school or in his personal life, that tense feeling is going to affect the way his penis operates.

Dr. Schiff elaborates on the correlation between stress and penis function. “Performance anxiety is equally common in men and women; just as clinical disorders are equally common,” he says. “It’s extremely debilitating when you feel like you can’t fulfill an expected role. Reminding your partner that sex doesn’t need to be goal oriented is a good place to start. When you struggle with anxiety you have no idea how your body is going to react in certain situations, so making sure to have supportive sexual dialogue and understanding is key.”

If the tables were turned, basically treat him the way you want to be treated if you were the one feeling anxious about not being able to get wet. Acting annoyed or upset is going to be the opposite of helpful. Let him know that getting hard isn’t an issue right now, and there are so many other ways you can be intimate without trying to meet an end-goal. It’s great to make mental health and anxiety a safe thing to talk about in the bedroom, and will hopefully lead to more pleasure for both of you in the long-run.

4. The better a guy sleeps, the better his erection will be

Pretty much everything feels better after getting a full night’s rest, and the same goes for boners too. “A poor night’s sleep negatively affects men’s testosterone levels which in turn impacts the erection,” says Dr. Schiff.

Plus, remember how we mentioned that guys get nocturnal boners? Well, when he doesn’t get enough sleep his nighttime erections get interrupted, and that also can damage his overall penile health. Needless to say, let the boy get his sleep! Boners are low key so much more complex than we expected.

Related: So THIS Is Why Guys Send Dick Pics

5. Masturbation plays a role

If your guy hasn’t played with himself for a few days, he’s likely to get a more intense erection later. While everyone has their personal masturbation choices both in and out of relationships, no one would complain about being greeted with a bigger and firmer erection now and then.  

Real live college guy, Eric, better explains what this feels like so those of us without the anatomy can understand. “I can for sure tell a difference in how good my erection is depending on if I masturbated,” he says. “If I haven’t masturbated or done anything for a week, my boner is going to be that much better when I am having sex. Everything is way more sensitive.”

Try asking your guy to go a few days without any sexual stimulation, and then see what happens. When he does get an erection, it’s going to be way more intense for both of you *wink wink*.

Honestly, we are so here for all the sex facts. We hope you learned something new about boners today, ladies!

Follow Gina Escandon on Twitter.


14 'Get You a Man Who' Tweets That Will Make Every Girl in a Relationship Say, 'As If'

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If you have a Twitter account, there’s a good chance you’ve seen your fair share of #GetYouAManWho tweets. And if you’re a girl who’s in a relationship, you’ve probably looked at some of those tweets and haven’t been able to relate. Here are 14 tweets that will make every girl in a relationship say, "As if!"

1. This guy who let this happen without any complaints

2. This guy who had the right reaction to his girl's outfit

3. This trooper who started watching a series with his girlfriend

As much as you love your boyfriend, you just don't have the patience to wait for him to watch the next episode for six whole seasons.

4. This text that was once a regular thing

Now you just send each other memes (which is equally cool).

5. This thoughtful boyfriend

6. This slightly unrealistic expectation

7. This guy who not only knows the difference between mascara and eyeliner but can also do a full face of makeup

You would be proud if your boyfriend would come back with the correct makeup product when you send him to the store, tbh.

8. This more realistic scenario

9. This guy who's setting the bar high for all the other boyfriends out there

10. This guy who knows what a good breakfast looks like

11. This guy who knows the way to his girlfriend's heart

12. This couple who is actual goals

You can't remember the last time you and your boyfriend skipped pizza and Netflix, tbh.

13. This dude who's woke AF

14. And lastly, this guy who knows food is the way to go

Take notes, guys.

What to Do If Your SO Has Anxiety or Depression

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If you’re dating someone who struggles with anxiety or depression, the situation is probably confusing and difficult for both of you. Although you should always encourage them to see a therapist, there are also plenty of things that you can do for your SO to feel safe and loved.

1. Don’t be their therapist

You can be there for your partner in every way possible, but you can’t give them the professional help they need. “The most important thing that you can do for an anxious or depressed partner is to persuade them to see the importance of getting into psychotherapy,” says Dr. Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist and author. “Otherwise, the situation could soon get out of control. You cannot be their therapist if you are their romantic partner.”

What you can do for a depressed or anxious partner is to reassure them against the stigma of going into therapy. Talking to a professional is crucial for their mental health, and will also help your relationship.

Related: 5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Friend With Anxiety

2. Support them in every situation

If you are not depressed or anxious yourself, it can be difficult to understand what’s going on with your partner, but this doesn’t mean that you should just give up on helping them. “The main advice I would give to someone whose SO struggles with mental health issues is to support them no matter what,” says Helmi Henkin, a junior at the University of Alabama. “They may seem distant at times, and they may often be feeling down for no reason, which are both frustrating circumstances to observe.”

On the other hand, it’s really important that you don’t confuse supporting your SO and encouraging any unhealthy—or even destructive—behaviors they might engage in. “You can support them in the sense of letting them know that you are not judging them and want to make sure they get help, but you can’t support them no matter what,” Dr. Lieberman says.

If your partner is very depressive, they might make extreme or rash decisions, so you should be aware that this is a possibility and be ready to respond in this kind of situation. “For example, if a depressed partner wants to drown their sorrows in alcohol every night or talks about being suicidal, but refuses to get help, you can’t just support them in these bad decisions,” Dr. Lieberman explains. “You may need to alert someone who can get your partner help—such as: his parents, the dorm RA, the mental health service at your school or 911.” You should never try to deal with this alone.

3. Validate their feelings

Some feelings associated with anxiety and depression are not completely rational, and your partner knows this, but it doesn’t make those feelings any less real. “Anxiety is super frustrating for me because I don't even understand it myself,” says Clara*, a junior at the University of California, Los Angeles. “It's really difficult to try to explain something to my partner that I don't even understand. So the best thing for him to do is not to try to understand the anxiety, but to understand how it makes me feel. It's important that he respects how I'm feeling, even if it makes him frustrated or annoyed.”

For Dr. Lieberman, one of the best ways to understand your SO is to try to relate to what is upsetting them. “You can validate your partner’s feelings, such as if they have had a major disappointment and you can empathize with how sad that would make anyone feel,” she says. “Or if they are under a lot of stress to do well in school and work to support their self, you can empathize with how anxious that would make you feel, too.”

4. Remind them that you care

People who are anxious or depressed can sometimes feel like they are alone in the world. “Remind them how much you care about them and be there for them as much as possible,” Helmi says. “Even if they ask you for validation that you love them multiple times a day, please give it to them, because chances are there are voices in their head telling them that no one likes them and they are better off alone, or worse.”

Another difficult thing about anxiety and depression is that they sometimes push people away when the person needs people the most. “My boyfriend has depression and I'm actually the only girl who has stuck with him through it,” says Lexie*, a junior at Boston University. “Any time he would go through his bouts, girls would be like, ‘You're too depressing, bye.’ And that is disheartening. I understand depression is a disease and someone can't just 'get over it.'”

Dr. Lieberman echoes the collegiettes. “When someone is feeling depressed or anxious, they fear that their partner will leave them because they’re no fun to be around,” she says. “So, reminding them that you care goes a long way.” Sticking with them through all the rough times will mean much more than you think.

5. Just listen

Sometimes, there’s really nothing you can do or say that will make your partner feel better. In this case, the best thing to do is to just lend them an ear and a shoulder to cry on. “What I have learned to do is be supportive of [my boyfriend] and just listen,” Lexie says. “When he has his ‘meltdowns,’ or when his depression ‘hits’ him, I just listen. And his mood will gradually get better and that means the world to me because I just want him to be happy.”

Dr. Lieberman encourages listening, as long as you don’t try to “fix” your partner. “Even though you can’t be as objective as a psychotherapist, and should not try to play that role, you can help just by listening,” she says.

Being in a relationship with someone who deals with anxiety or depression is far from easy, but if you care about them, it’s the last thing that should stop you from being with them. Instead, you can help by being there for them, listening and just caring.

How to Tell Someone You’re Not Looking for a Relationship

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When you find yourself falling for someone you’ve been dating and the feelings seem mutual, you typically get excited to share your emotions with your SO. You want them to know you care about them, you enjoy their company and ultimately hope they feel the same way. But what do you do when you realize you’re with someone you don’t see a future with? Or maybe you simply aren’t looking for a relationship with anyone at the time. It’s never easy to tell someone you’re not invested in the same way they are, so we’re here to share some advice on how to make that conversation a little easier.

Be honest

Honesty goes a long way, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Navigating your own feelings can be difficult, but it’s not fair to drag someone along your emotional roller coaster. Juliet Goulet, a graduating senior at Bishop’s University, agrees that honesty is important no matter what the situation is. “Trying to make excuses or lie your way out of the conversation won’t help anyone. You’ll get mixed up and messed around and probably end up feeling guilty in the end,” she says. Being honest with your partner also means you’re being honest with yourself, which is all around an emotionally healthy way to live.

Every partnership varies, which is why you should be upfront with your intentions once you figure them out. “It’s important to understand that single and taken aren’t binaries,” Juliet says. “There is so much in-between, and every situation is different. Just because you don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t want something. The ‘I’m not looking for a relationship’ talk isn’t always necessarily a ‘let’s stop seeing each other’ talk.” You could truly enjoy your SO as a person and value your time together, but if the idea of being with them long-term just doesn’t seem to fit, you have to let them know. Who knows, maybe they’ll even be on the same page as you and you can continue to date without future expectations.

Related: 7 Signs You Dodged a Bullet With Someone

Help them understand your perspective

If things seem to be going wonderfully and both partners are into one another, it can be difficult to explain that you’re simply not interested in a relationship. Today’s culture has normalized the casual dating/hookup culture, but that doesn’t always make letting someone down any easier. Megan Malaby, a recent graduate of Emmanuel College, shares how she handles these situations. “I always ask my partner to look at our relationship with me rationally and objectively,” she says. “In the situations I have been in, emotions are so high and we both feel especially impassioned and aren't able to think clearly. Once we both analyze our current positions considering us as two random people rather than ‘us,’ it's generally easier to make a clean break because we are able to identify the issues that are (generally) mutually felt.”

You can genuinely care about your partner even if you don’t want to advance the relationship, which may feel like a lie to them at the time. It’s not your responsibility to lay out every single thought going on in your mind, but giving them reasoning allows for some peace of mind. If you’ve ever been let down by an SO, you can understand why elaborating is a kind thing to do.

Define the relationship upfront

Most collegiettes have been on both sides of heartbreak. Whether you’re the one getting your heart broken or letting someone else down, it’s never an enjoyable situation to part ways with someone you care about. If you’re entering a new partnership, however, and you already know you’re not in the long-term commitment state of mind, it’s smart to have this conversation fairly early on. Chelsea Jackson, a junior at Iowa State University, describes herself as “not-the-relationship type.” “If I'm the one to bring up that I'm not looking for a relationship shortly after meeting someone, then usually the other person ends up nagging me with tons of questions about why I don't like relationships or that I just haven't met the right person yet,” she says. “All of these questions are super annoying, so I've found that after I've gotten to know the person a little bit, it becomes simpler for me to ease them into the reality that I'm not looking for a relationship and that it's best to just keep things casual.” Sometimes having to explain yourself is frustrating, so rephrasing your thoughts can be beneficial. Relationships aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but being upfront can save some crushed hearts down the line.

Don’t be ashamed of your decision

Relationships take time, effort and constant commitment. Sometimes we aren’t ready for that big of a step in our lives, especially if we have a lot going on with ourselves. Chances are when you meet the right person, nothing will stop the two of you from being together. But until then, there’s nothing wrong with putting your needs first. “While you should be as honest as you can with your partner in terms of what you want, you don’t need to justify why you don’t want to be in a relationship,” Juliet says. “Sometimes it’s just a feeling or an attitude that you may have instead of any reason in specific and, while that could be hard for your partner to wrap their head around, it’s a personal choice that doesn’t need someone’s approval.”

Your heart knows what it wants, it’s just a matter of listening to it. When you have the conversation about not wanting a relationship, it leaves your partner with many questions. You can answer and explain as you please, but it’s important to keep your sanity in mind, too. No good can come from prolonging a partnership that clearly has two different expectations for the near future.

Dating can be tricky, messy and wonderful all at the same time. It’s okay to explore and get to know yourself in various ways through dates and partners. It’s expected at this age, honestly. Caring for another person means keeping their feelings in mind. If you aren’t looking for something serious but feel that they are, that’s a conversation you need to initiate. It’s never fun to feel like you’re letting somebody down, but in the long run it will save them more pain than they may be able to recognize right now. Be honest with yourself, and the rest will fall into place as it should. Cheers!

Follow Autumn K. Dube on Instagram.

5 Subtle Signs Your Ex Wants to Get Back Together

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As most people know, going through a breakup is not easy. Either it’s mutual and things just weren’t working out, or it was one-sided and someone is left really hurt. There are so many ways a breakup can be harmful to a person but after some time, eventually you move on. But what happens if one person isn’t over it and wants to try again?  Is there a way to know for sure that your ex is still into you? Here are some subtle and some not-so-subtle signs that your ex is ready-and-eager to get back together.

Related: 7 Reasons You're Not Over Your Ex

1. They like an Instagram picture of the two of you from years ago

There is a huge difference between catching up on your latest Instas and liking a picture of the two of you from a long time ago. If you see this, it probably either means that they are missing you hardcore and “liking” a photo of the two of you from during your relationship is a way for them to say “I miss you” without saying it, or one of their friends is playing a nasty joke on them—either way it’s bad news, or good news if you also are ready to try again. For Rebecca, a junior at the University of Connecticut, this happened to her with her last ex. “Out of nowhere he friended me on Facebook again, after defriending me the year before, and stalked through my Instagram and liked almost every single picture of the two of us together.” She said it wasn’t weird, just surprising because he had shown no interest in her since the relationship ended. It was the first of many signs that he wanted to try again. 

2. They find literally any reason to talk to you

For some people, moving forward from a breakup is not easy. Besides just losing a boyfriend/girlfriend, they may have also lost their best friend. This means they lost the one person that they call for everything. If months after the breakup they are still calling you to tell you everything, it means they probably are not over it yet. For Brooklynn, a rising senior at Ohio University, something similar happened to her that gave her a major hint that her ex wanted to get back together. “Last summer, my ex of almost two years texted me out of the blue asking how everything was, but in the same conversation, also asked if I was dating anyone,” she says. She proceeded to tell him that she had just gotten out of a relationship but he still wanted to meet. After they got together for some froyo, he asked her if any of her old feelings had arisen because his did. If the hint of asking if she was dating anyone wasn’t enough, the fact that he is bringing up feelings shows that he is not over her and is hoping that she isn’t over it either.

3. They post throwback photos of the two of you

 

Feels

A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

You are probably thinking that this is the most obvious one, and it is. Posting a photo of the two of you is BOLD. If your ex posts a throwback photo of the two of you and you were not expecting it, once again, it’s a sign. People in our generation would rather post about things on social media than confront a situation head on and this is just another shortcut to saying “I love you.” Although you don’t see this very often, everyone was SHOCKED when Justin Bieber posted some photos of him and Selena Gomez from while they were dating. It just seemed weird because that’s not something you typically do. At all. If that didn’t get her attention, I don’t know what will.

Related: 5 Signs It’s Time to Let Go of Your Relationship

4. They drunk call or text you

As all of those cheesy Tumblr memes say, you should be totally flattered when a guy calls you when he is the most incoherent, or something like that. Either way, those 3 a.m. voicemails mean way more than just six tequila shots. Jennifer, a senior at Cornell University, says that three months after she and her ex broke up, she got calls every single weekend from him in the middle of the night. Usually, she would just ignore them but eventually she gave in and called him back and “he told me [her] he still loved me [her] and wasn’t ready to move on.” She also says that it wasn’t much of a shocker to her because the act of calling someone in the middle of a busy party is kind of a big deal. “The fact that he was thinking about me when he is surrounded by all these other girls and people said a lot more than his drunk words.” As annoying as drunk calls and texts may be, they are helpful in figuring out what your ex really wants.

5. They actually just say “I miss you”

When you’re a twentysomething, talking about your feelings may not be the easiest thing to do. But for Gaby, a sophomore at the University of Rochester, that is just what her ex did. “He called me out of the blue and asked if we could meet for coffee. I had exams so I was super busy so I told him he could just come to my dorm. When he got there he had this whole thing written about how he missed me and hasn’t been able to think about any other girl beside me.” It was so blunt and straightforward, she said, that she really admired it. “We had a really nice long talk about what went wrong in the relationship and were finally able to move forward and get some closure.” She said that they didn’t get back together but they were able to stay friends and keep each other in their lives. He wanted to be more but she just wasn’t ready for it. But instead of playing games and pretending like he didn’t care, he just told her that he did. For some, it may not be the easiest thing to do to tell someone you want to get back together, but it is the most effective.

Regardless of how the relationship ended, it happens every so often that one-half of the couple is ready to give it another try. Either they can be completely honest and open and tell you bluntly (like number 5) or they can show some subtle and not so subtle signs. Either way, at the end of the day a conversation needs to be had about what each person wants. So if you are going through a breakup or went through one, however long ago, watch out for some of the signs mentioned above to see if it's time to have a real face-to-face conversation about the future of the past relationship.

A Lazy Girl's Guide to Asking Someone on a Date

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Alright, you’re crushing hard on someone and they haven’t started to ghost you just yet, so you’re ready to take the plunge and ask them on a date. However, you don’t want to make some elaborate display of affection just to ask them to share eat individual taco twelve packs with you. After all, who would want to make something more complicated than it needs to be?

We get it, asking anyone can be nerve-racking. But seriously, you should just take the initiative and ask your special someone out on a date. Someone’s got to make the first move. Even if you are a lazy girl, you aren’t necessarily lazy or apathetic, you just implement resourceful hacks to get everything done in half the time. You’re essentially the lazy girl MacGyver.

And if you’re a lazy gal looking to ask a dude on a date, you shouldn’t use that as an excuse not to ask them. After all, lazy girls ain’t got time for excuses. You’re too busy formulating the latest and greatest abbreviations for already short words, so you don’t have to spend more than a minute sending the perfect text. Seriously, if you’re a fellow lazy girl who’s interested in a cute fella, you need to get over the weird stigma that girls shouldn’t ask a guy out on a date. It’s well past the dark ages and a lazy girl can ask out anyone they want to. Unless you want to ask your dog out on a date, which would actually be pretty awesome. You two could go on a long walk in the park and get some ice cream afterward. Plus, you wouldn’t have to worry about awkwardly bumping into any of your exes.

This is why you need to eventually woman up and ask your potential new bae on a date, the lazy girl way. Whether you’re a professional lazy girl or you just adopt the lazy girl’s methodology from time to time, there are several ways that even the laziest of lazy girls can ask someone out on a date. After all, lazy girls like to go on dates too.

Related: 7 Ways To Take Your First Date To The Next Level

Send them a GIF or meme

Seriously, who doesn’t love a dank meme or a funny GIF? That’s right, everyone loves them, unless of course it’s some embarrassing GIF of you. In that case, it’s perfectly understandable why you have a hatred of GIFs.

GIFs are a simple way for any lazy girl to flirt, because you can have an entire conversation without actually typing a single word to them. Want to know how your beau is doing? Send them a GIF of Joey Tribbiani asking literally anyone, “How you doin’?” Did your eye candy send you that same GIF before you got the chance to do the same thing? Beyond them being a total keeper, you can easily send them one of thousands of thumbs up GIFs. It’s literally that simple.

Plus, sending a GIF takes virtually no time. Well, other than the time you’ve spent searching for the perfect GIF or meme. JK, you actually just went with the first relevant visual that says, “Date?” on Reddit. Unless of course you can’t find a GIF for your specific conversation and you must curate an entirely new GIF from scratch. But let’s face it, you aren’t about to do that — ever.

Personally, I love using GIFs to ask someone on a date, because it makes the whole date-asking experience less stressful. Because you can just send a special someone a viral image to ask them on a date, you feel less vulnerable because you don’t have to make a big ordeal about asking them out in person. And what lazy girl wouldn’t want to save some time and energy? Plus, asking someone out on a date through a GIF makes the whole experience more fun.

Ask them to prevent you from becoming a third wheel

As much as you try to convince yourself that you’re totally fine with being a third wheel with Becky and Justin, it gets pretty nauseating seeing those two make out for the twelfth time when you don’t have someone to nauseatingly smack lips with also.

Why not stop yourself from third wheeling it — at least for a little while — and solve your dateless quandary? Asking someone to go on a double date with you is a lot less stressful for everyone involved, because now y’all don’t have to put the weight of a steady and interesting conversation on just two people. Now, it’s four peoples’ burdens!

Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth University, explains that asking someone on a double date “can often be an easy way to get the guy to know you better.” Which is great idea, because double dates and group dates in general take the tension off every party, because you don’t know to put the put the pressure of holding an engaging conversation between just two people. If anything you could easily just ask your potential lover to help you go on a double date with your bestie. After all, who could leave you hanging like that?
Better yet, why not ask your friend to hook a girl up? After all, your bestie is probably borderline worried about your love life (or lack thereof) after you’ve tagged along to the fifth “three-person date” this week.

Send 'em some grub

After all, the way to anyone’s heart is through their stomach. Even if they don’t have a heart, everyone likes some tasty food.

Don’t worry cooking is not necessary for this date-asking recipe. Leann Bailey, a Full Sail University alumna, explains her fail-proof method to asking someone out on a date. “I just randomly send a guy a pizza or a burrito with a goofy pick-up line to ask them out on a date,” says Leann. Woah, how have I not thought of this before?

After all, who says girls — even the laziest of girls — can’t send a guy an unexpected meal with a cute pick-up line asking them out on a date? Okay, the society might think it’s “weird” (whatever that is), but tell society to shove it! I mean, guys like getting pizza and pick-up lines, right?

Spontaneously sending someone a delivery of their favorite food is a great way to get them to go on a date with you. While you could deliver them a pizza in person, that's way too much work for a lazy girl like yourself. Instead, you should just craft a great way to ask them on a date and add ask the restaurant to write it in the box, under "special delivery instructions" that every online order form seems to have. Other than the time you spend ordering and drafting your clever pick-up line, this method takes little to no time at all. This way, you can spend the next 45 minutes or so waiting to get a text from the cutie you sent the edible date invite to.

Just you know, make sure they're actually home when you send them their grub, otherwise their roommate will snag it.

Seriously, just ask

No tricks, tips or hacks necessary — just straight up ask your love like interest out on a date. Your best chances of actually landing a date is to bluntly ask. And no, asking your SO or potential SO to hangout is not asking them on a date. Channel your inner Liz Lemon and ask your boo thing to go to a movie or something (so you can sue them for some petty reason afterward).

It’s 2017 and modern technology makes everything easier and quicker. Some people might find it an informal or insincere way to ask someone out via text or DM, but you should get over that outdated unofficial rule ASAP. While your smart phone might be a crutch in most scenarios, it’s a great way to get over the awkwardness of asking someone face-to-face if they want to go on a date with you.

Although virtual communication methods might help a lazy gal ask someone out, it can still be virtual impossible for you to get some inspiration to easily ask someone on a date. Like, where do you even start? Don’t worry girl, there are some lazy girl approved texts to send your crush:

  • Hey, wanna grab drinks sometime? (After all, everyone needs to drink.)
  • Can you bail me out and go with me to get food with my bestie and her boo thang? (Who wouldn't help a damsel in distress?)
  • You're hungry, I'm hungry, let's go get lunch. (Short, sweet and to the point.)
  • Are you my appendix? Because I want to take you out. (Who doesn't like a classic?)
  • Wanna go to the dog park and play with strangers' doggos? (Or you know, steal them.)
  • Did you want to come over to my place and eat a bunch of junk food and watch Netflix? (What lazy girl doesn't love a good Netflix and chill?)

Seriously, forming the perfect text to ask someone out on a date is that simple. If any of the pre-crafted texts above seem too artificial in you and bae's conversation, then feel free to be blunt and ask them to do something specific that you'd know that they'd enjoy. If they like fishing, ask if they want to go fishing sometime. I know, fishing seems like a lot of work for a lazy gal. Trust me, you'll just be sitting there by a relaxing body of water, getting some sun and chatting all afternoon. Just be sure that you're clear that it's just you two, to make it obvious that it's a date.

After all, honesty is the best policy, so why not be straightforward with your courting approach? You can save so much time by just asking a person on a date. If they say yes, that’s awesome. If they say no, that’s a lot less awesome. Regardless, you can get on with your lazy self, so you can have more time to be productive and update your LinkedIn profile. Who are we kidding? In true lazy girl fashion, you haven’t updated that thing in years — it still says you’re a babysitter in Rockford, Illinois. In reality, you’re just going to have more time to binge-watch Netflix, gorge on pizza and use the excess grease as a 5-minute moisture mask. I definitely haven’t done anything like that before.

You might think the hard work is over, but a lazy girl’s work is never done. While you’ve found the easiest hack to asking your crush, now you actually have to prepare for your date. You know, by finding the perfect lazy girl approved outfit to wear and an easy breezy hairstyle to match.

5 Signs of Emotional Abuse You Should Watch Out For

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Maybe your partner doesn’t hit you, but he constantly compares your body to other women. Maybe he doesn’t push you around, but he tells you how stupid and worthless you are whenever he’s been drinking. Maybe he tells you you’re crazy. Maybe he doesn’t hurt you physically, but he might as well because you feel that the emotional scarring runs deeper than the physical ever could. 

Writer and artist, Zahira Kelly, created the hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou to start an important conversation about the non-physical domestic violence that women experience every day. Across the internet, stories of verbal, emotional, financial and sexual abuse were outpoured by women in heterosexual relationships about the non-physical intimate partner violence that they experience regularly.

As collegiette women we need to be equipped to recognize the signs of emotional abuse so that we can engage in healthy relationships with partners who respect us, and also take action if we aren’t being treated like the queens we are. Below are common types of non-physical relationship violence that you may not be aware of. They are just as harmful as physical abuse and need to be acknowledged and understood so that everyone can recognize the signs of a dangerous relationship and take action. If any of this is triggering from a past or current relationship, please reach out to The National Domestic Violence Hotline for support.

1. He treats you like property instead of a person.

You alternate between living as an isolated trophy girlfriend and being micromanaged into a Stepford wife. It’s confusing as hell, but whatever way he treats you always leaves you feeling like you don’t belong to yourself. This feeling means that your partner is exercising coercive control over you in which he intimidates you while simultaneously isolating you from everyone else, so that he can essentially mold you and treat you however he wants.

“My boyfriend dictated every aspect of my life,” says Caitie, a junior at Biola University. “I let him control the way I ate so that I would stay skinny. He told me who I could and couldn’t hang out with. He told me how I should feel about my family, and what career path I should go into. Every time I let him influence me, all of the things he did and planted in my head were all to his benefit. I can’t believe I lost myself for so long. None of what he made me was actually me, but I was scared to stop going along with what he said because I knew he would leave me.”

Christina Kaviani is a campus psychologist and the coordinator of SAFER at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, which is an organization that provides education and support resource for addressing sexual assault, sexual misconduct, dating violence, domestic violence and stalking. She has found that the problem coercive control is a prevalent issue within college relationships just like Caitie’s.

"This cycle of emotional abuse and total life control can only be stopped if we educate young women," says Kaviani. "It takes an internal recognition to see the cycle of violence their relationship keeps them in, but first colleges need to provide information on relationship violence so that women can recognize it at all. The difficulty is that college women often deeply love their partners, and won’t be willing to act against him or challenge his control."

This type of emotional subordination is a key factor in emotional abuse. Never let your partner take advantage of you or degrade who you are. You are strong, and this is something that can be overcome by reaching out to your support systems or a college counselor. You are not in this alone, and you are capable of regaining a life independent of him.

Related: I Was a Victim of Domestic Abuse on Multiple Occasions

2. He either takes your money or makes you feel guilty for spending his.

Financial abuse is even less talked about than emotional abuse, but it occurs in 98 percent of all abusive relationships. Our experiences with financial abuse as collegiette women might be different than those of a married couple, but it still sneaks in to relationship violence in college. A lot of us college students are poor AF, so it can be nice to date someone who has money in college, because it means a free dinner every now and then. The dark side of this is that you may have found yourself in a position when you rely on your partner for money, or vice versa, and that money becomes something to hold over you so that you don’t leave the relationship.

“I’m a first generation Mexican college student, and I could barely put myself through my first year of college by myself,” says Claudia, a recent graduate of the University of California, Los Angeles. “My sophomore year I started dating this guy who was really well-off financially and his family was really well-off. We dated for a long time, and because of that he felt responsible to help me out with money and some bills when he could because it wasn’t a hardship for him and his family wanted to help. I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs of financial abuse the first time he coerced me into having sex with him. He had helped me with a car payment and later that night wanted to have sex. I was on my period, and I said no, but he made me feel guilty by bringing up that he helped me with cash and that I should have sex with him. This sort of thing happened for another year until I left him, and then he stalked me for almost a year after our breakup.”

In college, it’s best to keep money separate from your relationship, because you never know what will happen with your partner. It’s dangerous to give your partner financial power over you because it’s an easy tool of manipulation and coercion. In fact, try to avoid mixing money and relationship dependency until you’re actually married with a bunch of kids and have to pay the bills as a unit. Until then, go dutch, and each buy your own Taco Bell.  

3. He manipulates you into uncomfortable situations.

While your partner may not physically force you to do something, intimidation and coercion are severe verbal forms of domestic violence. He uses tactics, deception and manipulation to corner you into a situation. This is a psychological form of consensual assault that’s not okay.

“When I was in college I was repeatedly psychologically coerced into having unwanted sex, drinking and generally making decisions that were emotionally harmful, and my partner knew it, and he continued to manipulate me so he could get his way,” says Kaviani. “Now, I see this same thing everyday with the young women I counsel, and I’m happy to share my testimony with them. My college partner was a master manipulator, and he knew how to read me. He would guilt trip me, tell me I was stupid and acting like a pussy or threaten to leave me whenever I challenged him. If your partner ever uses emotionally degrading tactics on you, it shows a sign of disrespect, and may even be a greater indication that this person is suffering from a personality disorder.”

A partner who truly values and loves you would never force you into anything, plain and simple. Do not allow yourself to be vulnerable to manipulation, and always consider your own needs above anything else when under this kind of pressure. Remember that you can always say “no” and that your partner will hopefully have to respect that.

Related: My Boyfriend Sexually Assaulted Me & I Didn’t Realize It

4. He purposefully makes you feel insecure about yourself.

Let’s be real—as college women we are already riddled with insecurity about everything, and we don’t need some loser telling us that we have fat thighs or cellulite as chunky as chili. Still, verbal abuse where you partner constantly puts down your physical attributes happens—a lot.

“He compared me to all his ex-girlfriends,” says Whitney, a senior at the University of Massachusetts. “He would compare my body to random women he saw walking on the street. One time he said I should try to look more like a video game character, which was an elf. What?! He didn’t say this kind of stuff all the time, but to this day it sticks with me.”

Even if your partner is saying something that hurts you unintentionally, you need to bring it up in a neutral and safe space, and approach the subject very sincerely. Don’t immediately blame them, and tell them how horrible they are, but make sure they know that their words are not okay.  You especially need to address the issue if he is purposefully making you feel like crap about yourself. This type of verbal abuse will haunt you for years. If someone is going to be critical and negative, ditch them. They’re not as important as your self-worth.

5. He makes it your fault—always.

Have you ever approached your partner about a sensitive subject, only to find yourself put in the position of the bad guy? You go to talk to him about a habit that upsets you or something he said to a friend that hurt your feelings. Suddenly he’s yelling at you, telling you that you’re imagining things and lying his way out of being accountable for his actions. He makes you feel crazy, and you start to believe it.

Let me tell you, there is NOTHING WORSE than making a woman out to be a confused psychopath all because she has feelings or opinions.

My freshman year of college I found myself in a long-distance relationship with my high school boyfriend. When he got to college he quickly developed harmful drug and alcoholic abuse tendencies that caused him act in ways that dishonored our relationship. Needless to say, I was pissed, and would openly confront him about his actions to try and work through them, but was met with a brick wall. More like a brick wall shooting fireballs at my face. After three years of dating me, he decided to tell me I was crazy and that he hadn’t been doing anything wrong. I had imagined everything because I secretly had trust issues and this was a manifestation of my problems. I believed him. I spiraled into severe depression, thinking that I actually was crazy until the moment he broke up with me. Two months after our relationship ended he admitted I had been right all along, but by then it didn’t matter because I was left with depression and anxiety, and scars that would long outlive him.

Take note ladies—if your partner ever makes your feelings your “fault” or tells you you’re “crazy,” then you punch them in the face and sashay away.

If you take away anything from this, please understand that emotional abuse is more often than not a precursor to physical abuse. Do not let the significance of emotional abuse go unrecognized, and encourage yourself and your friends to engage in dialogue and action that ends it. Resources and further information on abuse can be found through your college’s counseling office, in the Breaking the Silence Handbook and through the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Every woman should be safe and respected in her relationships and we will get there, one positive relationship at a time.

21 Things Only Girls Who Are Horrible at Flirting Understand

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Face it—flirting has never been your strongest skill. When it comes to approaching your crush or rocking a date, you feel as if you couldn't be more awkward if you tried. For all us girls out there who aren't exactly the most graceful at flirting, these are the 21 moments we have all experienced. 

1. The act of approaching your crush is pretty much terrifying 

2. You even feel like you mess up small talk somehow

3. You often end up tongue-tied 

4. Initiating physical contact just isn’t going to be graceful

5. Sometimes you accept defeat before even trying

6. Your texting self is much more calm, cool and collected than your in-person self

7. But even texting your crush back requires consultation from your closest friends

8. You can completely miss out on cues 

9. Your crush can’t even tell when you’re flirting with them

10. You're no stranger to awkward silence

11. Wanting to be noticed by someone, then panicking when they decide to approach you

12. You pretty much have no idea what you’re doing half the time

13. You’ve tried to borrow flirting tips from outside sources…and failed

14. There’s no such thing as casually flirting without being nervous

15. Eye contact can just be too much

16. You don’t understand how it’s possible to laugh in a cute way

17. You are either too closed off in fear of being vulnerable and come off as uninterested…

18. …or you can open up too fast and freak your crush out

19. When someone ends up being interested in you, you're confused about how it happened

20. After going on a date, you end up thinking about everything you did wrong and could’ve done better

21. At the end of the day, you know you may be horrible at flirting, but someone will love you and all of your awkwardness


5 Signs He Loves You (Even if He’s Not Saying It)

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After dating a guy for a long time, you might be eager to drop the highly anticipated L-bomb. When you’re head-over-heels in love with someone, you want to scream it from the rooftops, for goodness sakes! That’s why it can be pretty frustrating when your boyfriend is reluctant to express his feelings of love toward you, no matter how strong your feelings are for him. In fact, you might not even know if he loves you at all!

But just because he isn’t saying those three little words doesn’t mean that his love for you isn’t there. There could be plenty of signs that your guy is digging you just as much as you’re digging him – you just might not be noticing them!

After all, actions speak louder than words, right?

Why Isn’t He Saying It?

Just because a guy doesn’t say it doesn’t mean it’s not true! There could be many things holding your guy back from saying “I love you.”

Reason #1: He’s afraid of being rejected

Fear of rejection could be a huge factor in why your significant other isn’t showering you with love. Denise Christopher, a dating and relationship coach and founder of the love and date consulting website denisechristopher.com, says that you shouldn’t worry if your guy hasn’t said “I love you” yet. “Guys are no different than women when it comes to rejection; they too have a great fear of being rejected,” she says.

Let’s face it – dealing with rejection is no fun. No one wants to say “I love you” and not have those same feelings returned. Your boyfriend may be worried that you don’t feel the same way and won’t reciprocate his proclamation of love, which could be a big factor in why he’s holding back.

“I dated my girlfriend for six months before I told her I loved her,” says Scott*, a sophomore at the University of Washington. “I knew I loved her after about three months, but I was so afraid to tell her that I just couldn’t say it. I had no idea if she loved me and I didn’t want to get rejected. That would just be awkward.”

Reason #2: He had a bad past relationship

Unhealthy relationships from the past could also be a contributing factor. “Everyone has emotional baggage, and often deep hurt can effect your guy’s decision to say ‘I love you,’” Christopher says.

A terrible breakup or an unhealthy relationship can really take a toll on someone both mentally and emotionally. If your guy had his heart broken in the past, he may be scared to tell you he loves you in fear that your relationship will have the same heartbreaking ending. Fear of repeating the past can cause a guy to take a step back and assess the relationship to make sure he’s really committed to it before he takes it further.

“My last serious relationship ended really badly, and it was hard to recover from,” says Liam*, a sophomore at Washington State University. “I casually dated a few girls after it, but I never fully committed myself to them because I was always worried that they’d just end up like my last one. Getting your heart broken is no fun, and whenever I get involved with a girl, I always think about that.”

Reason #3: He doesn’t know how to say it

Maybe your guy is totally, madly in love with you, but he’s struggling to find the right way to say it. After all, it’s a pretty big deal and it comes with a lot of pressure! “Most guys aren’t as verbally expressive as women,” Christopher says. “Your guy may be feeling challenged to actually say the words ‘I love you.’”

While it may seem like a simple thing to say, a lot of guys find it very stressful and straight-up nerve-wracking.

“Like I said, I was absolutely terrified to tell my girlfriend that I love her,” Scott says. “I had never said it to a girl before and I wanted it to be special, but I had no idea how to say it or when to say it or where. I didn’t know if I should tell her casually or take her out to a fancy dinner or make some big, romantic gesture or something. I thought about it way too much, which is probably why it took me so long!”

How Can You Tell if He Loves You?

Even if he hasn’t expressed his love for you verbally, there could be plenty of nonverbal signs that he’s totally in love with you. If you’re on the lookout for clues that he’s in L-O-V-E with you, watch out for one of these signs!

Sign #1: He makes you a priority

When you become an important part of his day-to-day life, that’s a pretty good sign that he’s feeling some love for you. Taking time out of each day to catch up with you, planning weekly dates and being attentive to your needs are all signs that you’re becoming a priority in his life.

“I know you never want to be that guy that blows off his friends, but when I started dating my girlfriend, I noticed that I didn’t mind ditching ‘guy time’ to hang out with her,” says Cameron*, a sophomore at Seattle University. “When you love a girl, you make sure you have time to see her no matter what; it’s just what you do!”

When he makes time in his busy schedule of friends, school and sports just to make sure he can see you, that’s a good sign that you’re a real priority in his life.

Sign #2: He talks to you about the future

When you think about the future, you always factor in the people you love, so when your guy brings up the future to you, there’s a good chance that you’re one of those loved ones! Christopher says there’s a definite possibility that he loves you if he “talks to you about the future using the words ‘we’ or ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ or ‘me,’ sometimes without even realizing it.”

Even if the future plans are just hypothetical, it’s still a big sign that he imagines you being in his life for a long time.

“My boyfriend took SO long to tell me that he loved me,” says Hannah, a junior at the University of Washington. “I was getting really frustrated because we had been dating for several months, but one day he told me that he was thinking about places that we could move to after graduation and I was kind of taken aback. When I realized he was factoring me into his future plans, it made me feel a lot better. Even though he hadn’t said it yet, I knew he loved me—he just needed some time!”

Sign #3: He keeps you close

Unspoken displays of affection can be a big indicator that a guy has some pretty strong feelings for you – mainly, his body language when you two are out together in public.

Christopher says there’s a good chance he loves you if “he keeps you close, walks next to you and has no hesitation to show a public display of affection (i.e., holding your hands, placing his hand at the lower part of your back or giving you butterfly kisses). All this not only lets you know he’s into you, but also lets others know he’s not available.”

When a guy loves you, he wants everyone to know that you’re his girl, which is why these subtle displays of affection can hold a lot of meaning!

Sign #4: He actively listens to you talk about your day

Any guy can pretend to listen about your day, but when a guy loves you he’ll actually listen. Why? Because he wants to!

If he loves you, he’ll want to know about how your day was and how he can make it better. He’ll be there for support when you’re having a pretty crappy day or happy for you when you got an A on that big test of yours. If you notice he’s really engaged when you’re telling him personal stories or he asks a lot of pertinent questions, it’s a good sign that he’s heading towards those feelings of love.

“When you love someone, you want to know about their day because you actually care,” says Patrick*, a junior at Gonzaga University. “It also makes you want to open up to them more, too, and share personal stories about yourself. I tell my girlfriend things I wouldn’t be able to tell my guy friends or my siblings because I know she cares and I feel comfortable telling her.”

Talking to you about his day may also be a sign that he loves you. When he shares personal stories with you and values your input, it says a lot about his feelings for you.

Sign #5: You meet his extended family

Meeting the family is a big deal, so when he takes you home for Thanksgiving or introduces you to his grandparents, don’t take it lightly! Most guys wouldn’t introduce their significant others to their relatives unless they were really serious about them.

“I would never let a girl meet all my relatives unless I knew I loved her and saw a future with her,” Cameron says. “If you bring a girl home to meet your whole family, they all usually assume it’s pretty serious. I know my relatives still ask me about my ex-girlfriend ALL the time because I brought her to one of my family reunions a few years ago. It’s not worth it to just bring any girl home; she’s got to be special.”

Should You Say it First?

If you’ve picked up on some of these signs and you’re getting the feeling that he loves you too, should you go ahead and drop the L-bomb first? It may be tempting – someone has to take initiative and say it, after all! Before you go ahead and express your undying love for him, however, you may want to take a step back and look at the reason why you’re so eager to say “I love you.”

“If you are saying ‘I love you’ only in hopes to be reassured about the relationship and hear the words back so you can feel secure... don’t do it,” Christopher says. “He will likely sense where this declaration is really coming from and begin to feel pressured or manipulated.”

If you need to hear the words “I love you” just so you can feel more secure about yourself, then dropping the first L-bomb may not be in your (or his) best interests. You don’t want to pressure him into saying something he doesn’t necessarily feel yet. If you want to say it just to satisfy your own ego, then it may be best to wait.

On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with saying “I love you” first if you truly can’t contain your love. “If you are truly secure and are bursting at the seams, struggling to hold back those words every time you see him… go for it,” Christopher says. “Know, though, that you are ready to express your feelings because they are what they are, and be confident with the possibility that the words may not be returned.”

Although you may get the response you were hoping for, you should be okay if he can’t quite return the feelings yet! You should only say “I love you” if that’s how you really feel. Don’t expect anything in return; just hope for the best! If you truly do love him, you should be willing to wait until he can figure out his feelings and say he loves you when he really feels it. You don’t want him to say something he doesn’t mean just to please you.

If you find yourself stressing because your guy hasn’t said those three important words yet, don’t worry! The love could be there; he may just not be ready to say it yet.

5 Unrealistic Expectations You Shouldn’t Have For Your SO

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Relationships come with a lot of built-in pressure from our parents, our peers and society. With all of the extra scrutiny from the outside, the last thing you and your boo need is pressure from each other. Whether it’s a bad habit they have, that one ugly T-shirt to they like to wear or that constant urge to compare them to someone else’s partner, expecting our significant others to dress, act or say what we want can happen unknowingly. Luckily, we’re here to help. Here are some things that are totally fairytale when it comes to expectations for your relationship.

1. Always expecting them to foot the bill

It takes two to tango, which means unless they tell you up front that it’s their treat, always offer to fork up your half of the dinner, the ice cream or the weekend getaway. You know college students aren’t rolling in the dough and you should expect no different from your SO. They may work crazy hours at their part-time job, but that’s their money, not yours.

Kayla Dungee, a sophomore at Kennesaw State University, agrees. "I don't agree with the guy paying for everything anymore," she says. "We both work so I realized that it's unfair that he dish out all the money while I hoard mine. Now I pay for dates just as much as he does. Nothing wrong with treating him sometimes too."

Remember, it doesn’t always have to be about money. Sometimes, it’s the littlest (and most priceless) things that count the most!

2. Wanting them to dress a certain way

Everyone has their own personal style and everyone goes through phases. Remember your Hollister phase? Or when you thought it was cool to layer on sixty of those jelly bracelets? Now you know better but you had to learn on your own. Your boyfriend may enjoy cargo shorts even though he’s not a contractor or your girlfriend may wear that really tacky orange shirt all of the time, but if it makes your SO happy right now, then you should support it. What Not To Wear isn’t on the air anymore, so you don’t have to worry about having a style intervention with them any time soon.

“Whether consciously or unconsciously, people tend to dress trying to communicate a certain self image to the world,” says Melissa Friedman, a senior at Temple University. “Telling your significant other to dress a certain way undermines his or her personal taste. If you don't like the way the person you're dating dresses, you can decide two ways: deal with it, or if it's really that big a deal, don't date that person.”

Let them express themselves. It’s just that simple.

Related: 5 Clingy Habits That Are Ruining Your Love Life

3. Expecting them to ditch their friends to hang with you...all of the time

We get it, sometimes you’re going through an existential crisis and you just want someone to hold you while spoon-feeding you Ben & Jerry’s. But, if you know that your SO may be hanging with friends and you throw a fit when he or she won’t drop everything to come and hang with you, then it’s a problem.

“I always have to watch myself and be careful that I don't expect my boyfriend to spend so much time with me that it takes away from his friends and family,” says Shelly Adams, a junior at Shenandoah University. “He's got a lot more friends than I do, and sometimes I take out my boredom on him!” 

You need "me time" and so does your SO! If you're together constantly, it can get boring. Time apart will give you more to talk about when you're together and will make your time together just that much more special. 

4. Expecting them to always be the one to apologize first

One of the biggest parts of a relationship is learning to work in a reciprocal way with another person. So you had a fight about his ex-girlfriend liking his latest Instagram? Think about how the argument started and what role you played before you place all of the blame on him. Yes, sometimes a fight can solely be caused by one person versus the other, but always put into perspective what you could have done to not let it get blown out of proportion in the first place. This doesn’t mean always being the first person to say, “I’m sorry,” but make sure they aren’t either.

Sometimes, it just depends on putting your pride to the wayside. "If you do something to hurt your partner, put aside your pride, own up to your mistake and give an apology," says Carly, a senior at Allegheny College. "It shows that you care about them and your relationship."

You know that you’re always going to have to give some to get some and it’s no different when it comes to apologies.

5. Expecting them to always be comfortable around your friends and family

If you’re wondering how crazy introducing your significant other to your friends and family can be, watch Meet the Fockers and you’ll understand how terrifying it can be. Cut your SO some slack and know they aren’t going to always feel at home with your BFFs and parents right away. Everyone takes their own amount of time to get to know strangers and just because you’re dating, the time to get comfy and cozy doesn’t get accelerated.

"He knows that he's always under the radar for how he acts in front of your family because he could potentially become a part of the family,” says Nicole Ambrose, a senior at Duquesne University. “He always has to be on his best behavior and no one would be comfortable with that."

The least you can do is realize there is a ton of pressure on them when it comes to the family and friends ordeal. It’s perfectly natural, but unless they’ve been cool with each other beforehand, don’t expect them to be BFFL after one awkward dinner occasion.

Relationships are about compromise. Don’t sweat the small stuff and let the little things slide. If something is seriously bugging you about your SO, tell them. But, always think about what it is that’s bothering you. It may not be their outfit, it may be that they’re lazy or that you’re a perfectionist. Always think, take a step back, examine the situation and decide whether or not it’s a bigger issue or something that can be squashed right then and there. 

5 Dating Rules It's Totally Okay to Break

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Today’s society is one of many norms and expectations. Although this applies to every part of daily life, it seems to be the most present in the world of relationships and dating. Women may expect the guy to pick up the tab every date or open her car door every time, and although these are classic forms of chivalry, it’s time for women to take control of the relationship sometimes. In a world of growing feminism and a fight for gender equality, some of these dating rules are totally okay to break. Here are some of those rules that college women believe are acceptable to forget.

1. Waiting hours (or days) to text them back

It’s normal to be nervous about texting a new fling, or even SO, back right away. No one wants to seem desperate, and many women want to play “hard to get,” but according to Rachna Shah, a freshman at Dartmouth College, “There's this idea that you should always wait a certain number of hours to text your SO back — some people even extend this to days! If you're interested in the other person, I would just reply to them immediately (or when you have time). Playing ‘hard to get’ isn't always a good idea.” Playing hard to get could easily make someone you’re interested in think that you’re not, causing them to move on or look elsewhere. It’s okay to be straight forward with your feelings; it can make the relationship a lot less confusing and avoid "situationships."

2. Not having sex on the first date

This one tends to be controversial because of the clear double standard in today’s society regarding the sex lives of women versus men. Many women believe having sex on the first date may ruin their chances for a long-term relationship with that person or make them appear “easy.” Chelsea Jackson, a junior at Iowa State University, believes that, "If you and the other person are feeling each other and both consent, there isn't a reason to try to talk yourself out of having safe sex on the first date. The unspoken rule that you shouldn't have sex on a first date is severely outdated. If someone wants to judge you it, let them because they aren't worth your time." No woman should feel ashamed for sleeping with someone after the first date. If the chemistry is there and the sparks are flying, it’s okay to break this outdated rule.

Related: 7 Signs You Should Just Make the First Move Already, As Told by Moms

3. Having him pick up the tab every time

It’s a long-lived rule that the man in the relationship should pick up the check every time. However, this doesn’t have to be a norm for everyone’s relationship. It’s totally okay for the woman to pick up the tab sometimes. In fact, it shows equality in the relationship. Kayla Düngee, a junior at Georgia State University, says, “I'm all for breaking the rule that guys should pay for everything. It plays into traditional gender roles that are outdated. I will gladly foot the bill not even just once in a while. As long as my SO puts in obvious effort and doesn't become dependent on my checks, I think it's perfectly fine.” This doesn’t mean the woman should pay every time, but splitting the check 50/50 or taking turns paying for meals can create a healthy, balanced relationship.

4. Every conflict must be resolved

It’s instinctive to want every single argument to end happily with both parties in complete understanding of one another, but that just isn’t the reality in most relationships. There will be situations and topics of which partners may never see eye-to-eye, and that’s okay. In a relationship, it’s important to pick and choose your battles. Not every single conflict will be resolved as you see on TV or in the movies. No relationship is perfect, and there are no rules when it comes to how people should work through their problems. What's important is that you know how to communicate with your SO or date in a mature way.

5. He should make the first move

Forget waiting for him to make the first move. There’s nothing wrong with a woman going for what she wants. As Autumn Dube, a recent graduate of Emmanuel College, puts it, “There's always the idea that guys should make the first move. This isn't the case anymore. If you're into someone, ask them out! If you're attracted to them, let them know. There's no shame in going after what you want and from our experience, people find confidence attractive. Be honest with yourself about what you want and then go from there.” Most of the time, the guy is too shy to make the first move or unsure if the woman is interested, so by making the first move, this insecurity can easily be resolved.

Many social rules and norms are being replaced or forgotten as time goes on, and dating rules are no different. Women should no longer feel restricted; it’s okay to take charge in a relationship when it comes to money, sex or communication. It’s okay to stray from the classic norms and make your own decisions. Every relationship is different, so there should be no set rules for the world of dating.

Should You Forgive Your SO For Cheating?

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When you are in a relationship, one of the most important things, if not the most important thing, is trust. When that trust is broken, either from lying or cheating, it takes a lot to fix. Six twenty-something women and one expert weigh in on if you really can recover from your significant other cheating on you. The answers are really split into two categories: no and maybe. Every situation and relationship is different, so there is no sure answer to tell you whether or not you should forgive your SO for cheating, but hopefully some of these responses help. 

For some people, when someone cheats that is it. No forgiveness, nothing, just done and move on. For these women, that was the case:

1. “No- when they cheated on you, in that moment they were able to put you completely out of their mind. And it sets a precedent for the future of the relationship.” – Julia, sophomore at Western Washington University

2. “No. I did before and he just kept repeating it knowing he'd probably get away with it.” – Alice, a graduate of the University of Central Lancashire

3. “No, if they're cheating then they don't respect you or your relationship and if there's no respect then there's no foundation for love or trust.” – Sarah, senior at the University of Alabama

4. “No. I believe everyone has the ability to live their own life and make their own decisions (in most circumstances). I think that 'cheating is a choice, not a mistake.'"– Annie, incoming freshman at the University of Vermont

Related: Could You Be Emotionally Cheating On Your SO?

For others, it really depends on how the relationship was before the infidelity occurred. It is not rare for the relationship to still be strong even after someone cheats. For these women, that was true:

5. “Really grey area. I think you have to look at your relationship from a bystander’s perspective. For example, if you can, you can look at your relationship more critically and see just how healthy it is for you. More often times than not, if your SO is cheating on you, it means there is something lacking in the relationship. So, figure out what it is, and if it's worth fixing. If not, it's time to move on.” – Lexi, junior at the University of Michigan

6. “I think it depends on the situation and the relationship. For me, I thought it was an absolute deal breaker until my SO made out with another girl at a party (that I was not at). I really enjoyed him and our relationship so I decided not to break up with him. However, I lost all trust and that really changed the dynamic of our relationship. We recently broke up and although it was not because of the cheating, it definitely did not help anything. I think I can forgive someone for making out with someone at a party but if my SO goes out of their way to sleep with someone else and continue to speak to them or others, then I think that's unforgivable and shows a lack of respect in the relationship.” – Jane, sophomore at Marist College

Related: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Here’s the Truth

Although hearing from real girls about their real experiences is helpful and impactful, it does help to get an expert’s input. Jeffrey Sumber, LCPC and author of Renew Your Wows: Seven Powerful Tools to Ignite the Spark and Transform Your Relationship, says that forgiveness really depends on the relationship. “Forgiveness is one of those life skills that improves with time, maturity and unfortunately, pain,” he says. “There is no easy way to manage infidelity and dishonesty.” But as well, there are ways that help couples cope from ground zero and forward to the point where you decide if you'll remain in the relationship or move on. He says that an essential piece of the puzzle is discerning between forgiveness and "acceptance."

But once you have really dug into your feelings and understood what happened, then comes the decision of moving forward. "So, should you break up with a cheater? Sure. Should you remain with them and work on things? Sure," Sumber says. But, the truth is, if a partner has been dishonest in the past there is a stronger likelihood he or she will do it again, he explains. So stay in the relationship only if you're open to that statistical fact. If you tell yourself it won't happen again, you're in denial. If they tell you it will never happen again, they are in denial. Sumber also explains what to do if you are conflicted about what to do. “The best case scenario is sitting with each other and discussing how bad it felt to be lied to and how guilty they felt to lie to you,” he says.

It is important to explore what the circumstances were that led to the infidelity and only then can you truly move on.

5 Questions You Should Always Ask On the First Date

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With the prevalence of hook-ups in the age of Tinder and right swiping, sometimes the concept of love seems hard to fathom. However, for the collegiette looking for a serious partner, these are the five recommended questions that can be used to determine whether your first date could eventually lead into a long-term relationship.  

1. What was your childhood like?

From this question, you’ll get to understand the extent of parental influence on your date and gauge the state of their relationship with their family. Dr. Carole Lieberman, a Beverly Hills psychiatrist and author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them, says that “the best predictor of whether a guy is a bad boy who will break your heart is his relationship with his mom. If he’s harboring resentments, he will take them out on you.” If your date relays miserable childhood stories and criticizes his upbringing, Lieberman advises that it’s best to avoid starting a relationship with him or her. 

2. What do you see yourself doing a few years from now? 

The benefit of having a conscientious and driven SO is that you’ll both inspire and support each other professionally. Olivia*, a junior at Seneca College, says that she doesn’t shy away from consulting her boyfriend for career-related advice. "He’s two years older than I am and has had more experience searching for internships and jobs," she says. "Whenever I needed help editing my resume or reaching out to recruiters, he’s always been there to offer tips and encourage me throughout the process."

Evidently, for a long-term partner, you want someone who knows what they want to achieve and the intent to follow through. During first dates, other questions to explore could be asking about their short-term goals, how they lead to their overarching future plans and what motivates them to achieve them. After all, ambition is an attractive trait. 

Related:I'm 21-Years-Old and I'm in My First Relationship

3. What do you like to do when you’re not working?

You get a glimpse into someone's personality through the type of interests he or she has and can use this topic to see whether you share any common pastimes. Colin*, a senior at the University of Waterloo, concurs that finding common ground is helpful in getting your date to open up about personal details and gradually transition into other related topics. "I met this great girl last year who was really shy," he says. "I initially had a hard time maintaining a two-way conversation because she would try to deflect my questions. It wasn’t until I told her about my experiences studying abroad for exchange that she visibly relaxed and was more willing to talk about herself."

If you have a sense of adventure, you could ask your date about travel--what cities he or she has been to and his or her most memorable experiences abroad. If you’re a cinema fanatic, you could ask about favorite movies genres, films, and favorite characters. If you have an appreciation for music, you could ask if he or she plays an instrument as well as inquire about favorite songs. The possibilities are endless.

4. Have you read any good books recently?

While physical attraction is one component of maintaining a healthy relationship, intellectual stimulation is equally important. Elena*, a sophomore at Western University, says that being able to hold a friendly debate is her criteria for a second date. "It doesn’t matter what your view is on a subject, as long as we can have a fun and lively discussion, it shows me that you’re someone that isn’t afraid of banter and can hold their own," she says.

After the I-can’t-get-my-hands-off-of-you phase passes during the early stages of dating, you’ll find yourself bored if you and your love interest can’t hold an engaging conversation. During the first date, other questions to ask include those about book recommendations and favorite authors.

Related: 5 First-Date Mistakes You Don't Know You're Making

5. What are you most passionate about?

Through this question, you get a sense of what your date’s fundamental beliefs are and the humanitarian causes that he or she feels strongly about. Political views might be a bit of a sensitive subject for a first date, but topics such as volunteering with a non-profit organization are safe if not encouraged. Jason*, a sophomore at York University, says that he likes to learn more about his date’s core values to determine their level of compatibility. "For me, I love seeing a girl getting fired up about a cause she really cares about," he says. "It’s honestly a turn-on because it shows that she’s the kind of person who has empathy for others and is willing put in the effort to help those in need."

While your date’s responses to these five questions will give you an idea about his or her character, it is also suggested that you be mindful of the following signs. Lieberman says that “you should pay attention to how much care he puts into planning your first date. If he’s hoping to have a serious relationship with you, he will have given your first date a lot of thought because he knows that if you have a great time, you will be more likely to agree to a second date.”

She says that how much your love interest spends is irrelevant because he or she could be creative and resourceful with planning the date (i.e. organizing a picnic at a scenic spot) regardless of whether or not they lack financial resources. Lieberman also notes that if he or she has the intent of taking you home for the first date then “he thinks you’re not worth the effort of planning something, and is hoping you’ll be fine with just hooking up.”

Evidently, finding someone who’s compatible with your personality isn’t easy. Sometimes, it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Regardless of how your date turns out, good or bad, going on a first date with different people lets you figure out what traits you like and also makes for great stories that you can regale friends with when you’ve had one too many glasses of wine.

*Names have been changed

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