So you just met this guy. He’s smart and charming, and he’s asked you out for that first date. After spending hours rummaging your closet for that perfect first date outfit to look your best, you’re ready to meet him for drinks downtown. But when you get there, he’s rude, trash-talking his ex-girlfriend, not to mention he can’t stop checking out the other girls at the bar. That’s when it hits you: the guy you’re out on a date with is a total creep and it’s time you left him at the bar where you found him.

I’m talking about red flags: those tell-tale signs that your date is taking a turn for the worse and that your “dream guy” is really a smooth-talking (or not smooth-talking) jerk. Sometimes, we girls like to turn a blind eye to the warning signs, especially if he’s pretty cute or charming or whatever. But if he’s waving one or more of these in the air, trust me when I say, he won’t be worth your Friday night. We’re presenting HC’s Ultimate Guide to Red Flags including the biggest red flags that every collegiette should steer clear of – or you’ll be sorry later.

Red Flag: He’s already hiding stuff from you.

It’s hard to imagine that on a first date a guy could already be hiding things from you, but if it ever comes up that he’s intentionally hiding things from you or even lying about people he’s already dated, Julie Spira, dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com says that can be a bad sign. “When a woman is dating a guy and he keeps getting text messages from other women, it's a huge red flag,” Spira says. “Sure, he might say she's just a pal from the classroom or an old friend from high school, if so let her send an email instead of interrupting your date.”

“I've had a couple of friends who were hooking up with guys who blocked them on Facebook,” says Cari, a student from Boston University. “Even after that, they still continued things with these guys. I couldn't believe it! It sounds so silly (because Facebook isn't real life), but you should never be with a guy who'd consciously hide something from you. Sketchy!”

Red Flag: Your “dates” consist solely of boozy late-night texts.

Do I even have to say this? I hate to break it to you, but you’re not his girlfriend. You’re a booty call at best. You’ll notice on that first date when he buys you a round of shots and he sticks to his one beer. At this point, he’s most likely looking for more than dinner and conversation. If you end up “back at his place” almost every date night, don't expect a commitment anytime soon.

“Often a guy you're dating is playing the field, which is fine,” Spira says. “However, if you're jumping into bed with him on a Friday night and he doesn't reappear until Monday morning, you should wonder what he was up to on Saturday night and Sunday. Unless you're looking for a friends-with-benefits relationship, avoid thinking he's your boyfriend.”

Red Flag: He can’t stop talking about his ex-girlfriend.

This is a classic red flag. You’re in the middle of a first date dinner and instead of chatting it up over classes, your aspirations, finals… he's talking non-stop about a past relationship. Whether he constantly recalls “how great” she was or “how b*tchy” she was, either way, he is still hung up on her (and therefore, not into you). If he’s talking trash about his ex that can be another red flag for another reason. It doesn't matter how much of a b*tch she was, he should have the class to speak respectfully about her and accept at least some responsibility for the break-up.

“Nothing can ruin a date faster than a conversation about an ex,” Spira says. “If he's not over her, don't sign up to be the transition girl. It's not fun being compared to someone who's still on his pedestal.” And if you think to yourself, “If we broke up, he wouldn’t do it to me…” trust us when we say this — he will. If he doesn’t have much respect for her, how can he have any respect for you? And if you can’t cope with the idea of him trash-talking you as his ex later down the line, ditch him now.

Red Flag: He’s a little too excited about you.

It’s one thing if he has a genuine interest in you, but then there’s just being downright needy. Maybe it’s not as dramatic as proposing to you on the third date, but getting attached too quickly is a big red flag as Kristen, a collegiette from McGill, learned the hard (and awkward) way:

“I went on a couple of dates with this guy once but ended up turning down his invite for a third. He didn't take it very well and ended up admitting he had already told people, including his parents, that I was his girlfriend. Overzealousness: a red flag!”

Spira says there’s a fine line between being into you and being too into you, but it can set the tone for a fast-ending relationship if you’re not moving at the same pace as he is. “All women want to find a guy who's crazy about her,” she says. “We love to hear from men, either by texting, emails, and even a quick phone call to say hello. However if he's overwhelming you with too much too fast, you should be concerned about it crashing just as fast.”

Red Flag: He’s all about himself.

I don’t care how fascinating his life story is. If he’s rambling on and on about himself and not asking questions about you, then that is a red flag. “No one wants to date a narcissist,” Spira says. “If he consistently wants to be the center of the universe, it's time to walk away and find someone who cares about what happened in your day.”

Think of it this way, if you’re on your very first date and he’s not asking about you and you go out on a second or third date, he’s going to think you’re okay with his all-about-me attitude. Most likely, you’re not. Hearing about each other’s lives is obviously an important part of getting to know each other. The key is that it’s a dialogue… not a monologue by him.

Red Flag: None of your friends likes him.

Your boyfriends and best friends won’t always get along, but sometimes friends know best and listening to your circle of BFFs can come in handy; especially if they’ve already heard a guy’s dating history. Abby, a student at JMU, learned this the hard way when she started dating a guy she met at a party:

“My one friend came up to me and told me this story about him from her friend that used to date him and how he was kind of a jerk. He went to another college and so did my friend's friend. I just figured her friend was weird and he wasn't that into her and blew it off - he seemed really into me! Of course I kept pursuing him and later found out he was only in it for the physical aspect, nothing else, and got upset. I should've listened to my friend! But sometimes it takes figuring things out for yourself to learn a lesson.”

So if a guy is throwing red flags in the air… how do you handle the situation?

Spira says it’s simply a matter of moving on, “If your guy is screaming ‘red flags,’ I suggest you take the high road and move on. There's nothing wrong with letting him know that you are looking for a different type of relationship or feel more comfortable dating someone that you have more in common with. There's no need to say you just want to be friends. No one really believes that line.”

Even if a guy turns out to be the worst date ever, don't be discouraged! Dating is a (sometimes annoyingly long) process of learning what personalities you click best with. The plus about meeting guy after guy you don’t like is that it inevitably narrows it down to the type of guys you do like. In the meantime, pay attention to the red flags, otherwise, you’re in for a rough road of heartbreak.

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong or a recently wrecked relationship or you’re wondering how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I have one really close guy friend in college who lives in my building. We have been friends since first semester and are still really close. During the first semester, we had a few random drunken hook-ups because it’s clear we’re both attracted to each other, but nothing else ever happened, and we would just go on with being friends.

This semester, things have changed a little bit. One night, he and I were just hanging out in his room. He was drinking a little bit and he confessed to me that he liked me. We talked about it and decided that we both like each other, but neither of us was ready for a relationship.

However, the more we hang out and the more we talk, the stronger my feelings become. I told him at first that I didn't want a relationship, which was true, but now I can see myself dating him. I want to bring it up to him, but I'm afraid he'll shut me down and I'll lose him altogether. Should I bring it up and have the possibility of being disappointed, or should I ignore my feelings and always wonder? How should I bring it up if I decide to do so? We hang out a lot, so I have plenty of opportunities, but I always get to nervous or scared to ask. –Wanting a Relationship at Ramapo

That’s always a weird feeling, Ramapo: knowing the opportunity is there but being too nervous to take it. I understand — I’ve been there before.

I’ve always thought that inebriated confessions were more truthful than forced confessions, simply because those mental barriers are down. The problem with drunken confessions is that they are, more often than not, forgotten by morning. So when he’s had a few and he tells you that he likes you, I think that was honest.

Then you drop the “I’m not ready for a relationship” line on him, and because he doesn’t want to push you into anything, he agrees. His feelings, more likely than not, are still there — the problem is that you basically shut him down, so he didn’t want to push you into anything

First, I think you need to examine why you said you weren’t ready for a relationship in the first place. Did you just say that because he was inebriated, or did you actually feel that way? Are these feelings false-positives manifesting from guilt? Make sure you’re not reconsidering the situation because you feel bad for rejecting him—and by all means, if the feelings are real, then I support the decision to get together.

But how do you tackle that conversation? It’s easier than it might seem: the next time you’re hanging out, bring it up! Lines like, “Hey, you know when we talked about…” or “Remember that night…” would be good, casual ways to start the conversation. Be prepared with answers, though. He might ask why you changed your mind and whether or not you really feel the way you do. His hesitation, which I imagine will exist, is understandable. That said, if you feel as strongly as you say you do, then it shouldn’t be an issue.

Take it from someone who’s been there: The last thing you want to do is not do anything and always wonder about what could have been. Rejection can be terrible, but it’s something you can get over. Not doing anything will stay with you and keep you from moving forward; you’ll always think back to what might have happened. Say something and be honest, and hopefully the two of you can move forward together.

Some of the sweetest love stories start in the carefree months of summer. Why not watch the stories over and over again? Check out our favorite movies about summertime romances. 

7. 50 First Dates

Set in Hawaii with an uber-tropical soundtrack, 50 First Dates will make you feel like you're on vacation—and make you say "aww." Henry (Adam Sandler) isn't too fond of commitment until he meets Lucy (Drew Barrymore). However, Lucy has one flaw: after a car accident, she was left with short-term memory loss, and she can remember only one day at a time. Henry woos her day after day and finds a way to win her over for good, proving that keeping a relationship alive—no matter how difficult it may seem—is possible if you're determined.

6. Dear John

This Nicholas Sparks drama stars Channing Tatum (swoon!) as John, a sergeant in the Army, and Amanda Seyfriend as Savannah, a conservative college student. The two meet and quickly fall in love, but John has to serve overseas throughout the summer. They keep their long-distance relationship going by writing romantic letters. This tearjerker may inspire you to write a love letter to your long-distance boyfriend or rekindle the flame with an ex.

5. Adventureland

In 1987, recent college grad James (Jesse Eisenberg) starts a summer job at a mediocre amusement park called Adventureland to save up enough money for grad school. While there, he falls in love with Em (Kristen Stewart). With a complicated love triangle and the quirky Adventureland staff—including SNL's Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader—this romance is reminiscent of many collegiettes’ summer job experiences. Perhaps it can offer some inspiration for how to attract that cutie that works with you at your summer job!

4. The Last Song

Like most Nicholas Sparks movies, The Last Song is the perfect mix of super cheesy and make-you-cry-your-eyes-out dramatic. Ronnie (Miley Cyrus), a rebellious teen, spends a summer in a beach town reconnecting with her estranged father. Meanwhile, she starts to fall in love with Liam Hemsworth's character, Will. What's even better is that Miley and Liam started dating in real life while filming this movie. Maybe that's a sign that you'll fall in love after watching it, too!

3. Dirty Dancing

While spending the summer at a family resort, Baby (Jennifer Grey) falls in love with Johnny (Patrick Swayze), a sexy dance instructor. After Johnny’s dance partner is forced to drop out, Baby fills in and, of course, they end up falling in love. Between dance practices in a lake and super hot routines, this movie is a classic summer romance film that proves you sometimes need to break the rules and put your feelings first when it comes to love.

2. The Notebook

Although this classic Nicholas Sparks film takes place over the course of a few years, it starts with a sweet story about summer love. Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams) meet at a carnival, and afterwards, despite their class differences, they spend the whole summer together and become nearly inseparable. Then, after years of being apart, Allie has to choose between a man her parents approve of and her first love. It's the ultimate romantic movie!

1. Grease

With a song titled "Summer Nights," there's no way this musical couldn't take the top spot on our list. Even though the movie extends into the school year, the drive-in movies, energetic dancing, and carnival make it feel like a perpetual summer. Through their romance, Danny and Sandy teach us that opposites really do attract.

What are your other favorite movies about summer love? Share them in the comments!

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in over a month. He's in law school and is really stressed, but I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. How can I talk to him about this? - Dry Spell at Duke

Dry Spell,

Well he definitely won’t be turned on if you just sobbingly straight up ask him if he isn’t attracted to you anymore, so don’t do that. This could be indicative of a larger compatibility problem, or it could just be a bump in the road. I can’t tell from your question how he has been behaving towards you overall. He might really just be stressed, and you haven’t seen much of each other lately since you’re not in law school. I think what you need to do, since sex is important, is to temporarily make it more of a priority in your relationship.

What I mean by that is cut out the other stuff. Usually I would say go on a romantic date while looking attractive, etc., but things sound too hectic for that. If this is a situation where you go out on a rushed date then he drops you at home while he finishes work, then stop going on dates. On a given night, tell him that he can do work until midnight, but then you’re coming over. Make yourself look, ummm, exciting. Experiment with something new sexually (just please don’t ask me to give detailed suggestions).

Until things clear up for him, act like you’re in an extended hook-up relationship, with sleepovers being the primary activity. Try to compartmentalize time for sex while also keeping its spontaneity. Let him know you’re coming over, but try to surprise him with something new each time. This would minimize the stress of being a busy grad student in a committed relationship, by only doing the deed that relieves stress. If none of this works, then ask him, when you’re not actually in bed, what the issue is. For now, though, I think changing your actions is the best method of fixing the issue.

We’ve let you in on this secret before: some things are way better than boys. Maybe you feel like your most important romantic relationship is the one you have with pizza, wine or Netflix, but we’re willing to suggest that your most important relationship is actually the one you have with your bed. Here's why.

1. Your bed will neither leave you nor forsake you. (It literally can’t move.)

2. Even if you and your bed go through a rough patch (insomnia), you always find your way back to each other.

3. When you think of your bed during the daylight hours, you're immediately filled with intense longing.

4. If your bed is your boyfriend, your alarm clock is probably that annoying girl who you’re convinced is always trying to take him away from you.

5. Sharing your bed with anyone else is something that you just aren’t willing to do.

6. Instead of curling up on the couch after school or work, you slip into your bed and tell it your day’s woes.

7. You pillow has seen more tears than your mom, sister or dog.

8. The outside world is frigid, but the comfort of your sleepy haven fills you with warmth and security.

9. Literally nothing can get you to part from your bed in the mornings. Or during afternoon naps. Or when you’re just lying there, reading Cosmo and wishing the rest of the world would leave you in peace.

10. Your bed encourages you to participate in your favorite activity, and it never scoffs at your love of sleeping.

11. You will probably name your firstborn child Clinomania.

12 You have a pet name for your bed.

13. Date night for you is basically like date night for anyone else. You cuddle with your SO, watch movies and eat a romantic meal. Except your SO is your bed, so you’re cuddling with blankets, watching Fargo by yourself and eating a king-size bag of Swedish Fish. And it’s awesome.

14. “Work from home” = “Work from bed”

15. You aren't afraid to be yourself around your bed — no makeup, no problem!

What a wonderful place to lay our heads. 

Summer is here! It’s time to break out your sundresses from the deep recesses of your closet, go shopping for the perfect sandals and start figuring out just how much time you’ll have to lay out by the pool. As you begin to make plans to keep in touch with friends and FaceTime every week, it also may be time to evaluate your current relationship.

With the beginning of summer, you might be facing the start of a long-distance relationship, whether it be just for a summer away from college or the foreseeable future when you move to different cities post-graduation. A change of scenery and some time apart could be just what the doctor ordered for your blossoming relationship… or not. With the potentially different time zones, planned Skype dates and miscommunication, distance is not always easy to manage, especially for a new relationship. Here are five signs that your current relationship may not be able to take the heat of summer.

1. You Already Have Trouble Communicating

One of the most important parts of any relationship is the ability to communicate. Responding to texts and returning missed calls can be tricky enough when you’re living in the same city or going to the same school as your significant other, but if there will be several states or an entire ocean between you, it only gets more complicated. And if you’re having a difficult time understanding each other already in person, this problem could only be exacerbated by distance.

Jack, a sophomore at the University of Missouri, is currently in a long-distance relationship, and he admits that communication has not always been easy. “If you don’t have solid communication with your partner now, your relationship is not going to work,” he says. “Each person has to be willing to reach out and talk on the phone every day.”

He suggests having a plan for communication: “Establish habits of communication every day,” he says. “Whether that means texting or calling, figure out how much you each want to hear from each other throughout the day.”

Patrick Wanis, a human behavior and relationship expert, says it’s important to figure out how you communicate love. He says that if you’re bad at communicating or you misunderstand each other’s needs, “you’re going to feel abandoned, neglected and unloved in a long-distance relationship.”

2. You Can Never Be Apart

Being in a relationship has many perks. One of these perks is that you’re guaranteed to have a reliable, go-to person in your life. You can always count on him or her to share a meal with you or even just offer you some cuddles at the end of a long day. But when you’re apart, these things won’t always be possible anymore.

Relationship expert Dr. Carole Lieberman, M.D., acknowledges the problem of accessibility in a long-distance relationship. “If you are the type who likes your boyfriend to be available in person 24/7 — for a cuddle or a cup of coffee — you would not be happy with a long-distance relationship unless he has access to a private plane and can fly to you at a moment’s notice,” she says.

Lauren, a junior at Dayton University, has seen this situation firsthand with a friend’s relationship. “Doing everything together [as a couple] is great,” she says. “But if you can’t even give yourself a little distance now, you’re not going to be able to later.”

Wanis agrees, saying, “If your identity becomes so strongly attached and connected to this person, when you’re apart from him or her, you’re going to feel lost and confused, like you’ve lost your identity.”

If you can’t remember how you spent your time prior to the relationship, you may not be in good shape to withstand some physical separation.

3. You Have Different Expectations

When being apart for an extended period of time, it’s important to have a plan and clearly define boundaries. Agreeing on the level of exclusivity of your relationship, agreeing on the manner and amount of communication and establishing events and times to look forward to while apart is a must.

“If she expects you to call or Skype every night but your family expects you to do the same, you can’t always fit her in at the same time,” Jack says.

In addition to establishing consistent communication habits, it may also be important to figure out exactly how you plan to convey your love and affection while separated.

Wanis advises couples to “establish their language of love” before parting ways. “Are you the type of person who feels loved with quality time and affection? Is it gifts? Is it touch?”

Clearly examining what both of you want and expect while you’re apart is important to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you know you’re going to need to visit him halfway through the summer, say so. If you think sending her a care package each month would keep your new flame burning, talk to her about it. Be honest with each other while you’re still in person to do so, or else this distance could spell trouble.

4. You Rely on a Strong Physical Relationship

The physical side of a relationship is an important one. It reaffirms your commitment to each other and allows each of you to show the other just how much you care. But when you’re apart for who knows how long, that physical relationship can be hard to leave behind.

Dr. Lieberman says you need to establish the boundaries of your physical relationship as well. “If you like to have sex and don’t want to be abstinent for the summer or longer, than a long-distance relationship isn’t workable unless you and your boyfriend sincerely believe that ‘what happens during separation stays in separation,’” she says.

However, Lauren feels that a physical relationship should not be the basis of your entire relationship. “You shouldn’t be worried about something like that,” she says. “If you’re already worried about them cheating on you, you shouldn’t even be in that relationship at all.”

5. You Get Jealous Easily

Lonely nights spent missing the one you love aren’t fun, especially when a picture of your significant other and an attractive female pops up on your Facebook newsfeed. Normally you’re not the jealous type, but why does he look like he’s enjoying himself so much?

Dr. Lieberman says that a partner who gets jealous easily could be asking for trouble in a long-distance relationship. “The jealous partner will suspect infidelity, even if none is occurring,” she says. “I a partner is late answering a text… then the jealous partner will start dreaming up all kinds of scenarios as to what betrayal is going on.”

If you find yourself being possessive of your significant other or seeing him or her as belonging to you in some way, you could have a problem and may want to reconsider pursuing an LDR.

Jealousy comes from insecurity and the fear of not being good enough, Wanis says. “If you don’t feel you can trust someone, whether it’s because you’ve been betrayed or cheated before, you’re going to flounder in a long-distance relationship,” he says. “It is then that you’re going to need a heightened level of trust.”

If you’re already suffering from some trust issues with your partner and worry about how he or she will act when not around you, this whole long-distance thing may not be for you. 

Being in a long-distance relationship is not for the faint of heart. Being long-distance will expose any problems you may have had in your relationship. It’s important to plan ahead and establish some ground rules with you significant other so your relationship may just be able to go the distance.

Congrats! You finally exchanged numbers with that guy you’ve been crushing on!

In terms of flirting, it’s smooth sailing from here… right?

Wrong! Now you have the challenge of engaging him in a witty and exciting text conversation (however you do that…).

So you brainstorm a foolproof greeting that is friendly but noncommittal and send it his way!

You try not to think about when he will reply, but it’s in the back of your mind like,

And after a while, you make up excuses for him. Maybe he’s not around his phone or maybe he’s in class. Whatever the reason, you’re totally confident that he’ll respond as soon as he can.

Then an hour passes and you think,

Until your phone buzzes and you run for it like,

Then you read his disappointing response that is way shorter than what you texted. That’s really the best he could come up with?!

You try and revive the text convo by sending a clever reply right away. And then you realize that texting back so quickly probably made you look desperate.

But wait—he texts back right away, too!

And this time, he even included a smiley face, which means he totally wants you.

Or maybe he’s just being friendly…

Either way, you keep the conversation going and look forward to his every text.

Things are going well, but you're still waiting for him to make the next move…

Can he just ask you to hang out already?!

After you drop way too many hints, he asks you to get lunch sometime, and you react like this:

Your answer is definitely yes, but you need to wait at least 20 minutes before replying.

Well, maybe 10 minutes is enough...

Text-flirting may be a bit tiring,

But you know your love life just wouldn’t be the same without it!

That cutie in your chem lab has been flirting with you all semester, and you think things could potentially be heading towards a relationship — but then summer catches you by surprise and you have to go three or four months without seeing him or her. So what do you do when your crush is miles and miles away? Here are some ways to keep the spark alive even from a distance!

Go on a Group Hangout Before School Ends

So maybe the two of you have never hung out one-on-one, which is totally fine. In that case, get a bunch of your pals together (like those other chem lab students you both are friendly with or a bunch of your best girl friends to act as your wingwomen) and go bowling, out to a movie or — if you’re 21 — out for drinks before the end of the semester. 

Julia*, a sophomore at the University of Toronto, spent valuable time with her crush last spring before they left for the summer.

“We’d been teasing and flirting with each other in the dorm, but nothing had come of it yet,” she says. “A few days before we left for the summer, I casually asked him to come out with some of my friends and bring a few of his friends. There were no awkward moments because there were a bunch of us there, and I could get to know him better, too. We ended up keeping in touch all summer.”

What better way to keep your crush’s mind on you than to hang out with him or her before you leave and remind him or her how awesome you are? It’s also a great opportunity to drop some hints that you’re interested in keeping in touch over the summer.

Don’t, however, get too serious with your crush too quickly!

James, a sophomore at the University of Miami, says, “This girl I’d been casually flirting with told me at the beginning of last summer that she wanted us to date. It was cute, but it also made me feel uncomfortable cause I wasn’t on the same page as her right then, and there was no guarantee that I would be in the fall either.”

As tough as it is to be patient through the summer, it’s better being patient than freaking out your crush with a future request or ultimatum.

Rachel, a junior at McGill University, tells us how she ruined her chances last year with a girl in her dorm she’d been crushing on.

“We’d smile when we passed by each other and occasionally would sit next to each other in the cafeteria,” she says. “I got anxious that she’d forget about me over the summer, so right before I left I did this whole dramatic thing where I told her I would love to go out with her in the fall… needless to say, she was a little weirded out. I guess nobody wants to feel pressured to make a commitment for something three months away!”

Send Your Crush Flirty Texts

There’s no certain set amount that you should or shouldn’t text your crush, but don’t be afraid to put yourself out there from time to time—once or twice a week, when you hear a funny story he or she might like or hear a song he or she should check out.

Alexa, a junior at the University of Oregon, says that since she and her crush spent their summers very far apart, the easiest way for her to keep in touch with him was through texting.

“We gave each other enough space to do our own thing over the summer, but whenever someone told me a ridiculous joke or something I knew he’d like hearing, I’d shoot him a message just to keep things rolling when we weren’t together,” she says.

As long as you guys have each other’s numbers already and have been having fun text conversations, it shouldn’t be tough to keep it up—but make sure you don’t overdo it.

“I totally over-texted this guy I was interested in last summer,” says Sarah*, a junior at Boston College. “We’d been texting pretty regularly during the last couple months of the school year, but I didn’t think about the fact that when we were no longer seeing each other in person, my constant presence via text might freak him out a bit.”

Jack, a junior at the University of Pittsburgh, says that he was interested in a girl last spring, but she would text him almost every day over the summer, which was a turnoff.

“She was cute and I enjoyed talking to her, but she was texting me every single time she thought about me, which didn’t even leave me time to miss her—and honestly, it was really annoying,” he says.

Don’t get too heavy on your crush! Saying things like, “I miss you” and, “come visit me!” might be overkill. Be yourself, but play it cool so you don’t scare him off!

Mail Your Crush a Postcard

Mailing a postcard (from your exotic travel destination or even from home) is a simple and subtle way to say “hey” with no stress about seeming too forward or demanding.

Chat about your summer plans before the two of you head off in separate directions, and if you’re going someplace exciting, hint to your crush that you’d love to send him or her a postcard — hopefully he or she will be excited to tell you where to mail it!

“I sent my crush a postcard from Jamaica when I visited last summer,” says Jess, a sophomore at the University of Virginia. “He sent me a Facebook message as soon as he’d gotten it telling me how nice it was… we actually started dating when we got back to school a couple months later!”

Keep it short and sweet; give your crush the quick version of your summer and what you’ve been up to, and tell him or her you’re looking forward to seeing him or her soon.

While a postcard is great, it’s not the time yet to send a long, romantic love letter. Letters are definitely a sweet gesture for established couples doing long-distance relationships or spending the summer apart, but if you’re still only in the flirting stages with your crush, a love letter would most likely scare him or her off.

“This girl I was interested sent me a long, super-intense letter over the summer about her feelings for me,” says Brian, a sophomore at the University of Chicago. “It really threw me off, especially since we were only just starting to get to know each other.”

While hinting at your feelings is a good way to keep you on his mind over the summer, don’t profess your undying love for him, because he just might not feel the same way!

Send Your Crush Cute Snapchats

Snapchat is an awesome, easy way to flirt without committing you or your crush to a long conversation.

Dylan, a senior at the University of Wisconsin, says he loved getting Snapchats from his crush every once in a while last summer.

“She’d send me photos of her dog doing something adorable or a hilarious bumper sticker, and it was great to feel like she was sharing bits of her life with me without needing us to talk all the time,” he says.

Shoot your crush a silly photo or two (a punny sign you see or your gross-looking-but-delicious dinner), and see if he or she takes the initiative to get in touch!

One big mistake to avoid, though, is sending too many photos of just you (via mirror pics and selfies).

If you just got a drastic haircut, then sure, snap a quick pic and send it to your crush. But sending lipstick-ed, fishy-lipped, full-makeup-ed selfies multiple times a day is going to annoy your crush more than anything else.

Danny, a freshman at Washington University in St. Louis, says he had a flirtation going on with a girl that turned to Snapchat flirting once they went home for winter break.

“She started out just sending me funny things she knew I’d appreciate, but as break went on I was getting more and more ‘Don’t I look pretty’ selfies, which just wasn’t attractive,” he says. “I know what you look like; you don’t need to pretty yourself up and send me a ton of photos to remind me.”

Yes, taking selfies can be fun, but once you start sending them to people, they can also be interpreted as you being very self-centered — which isn’t the kind of vibe you want to give off to your crush!

It’s never easy being away from someone you’re starting to care about, and it’s less easy when you two are only in the flirting stages. But if you make sure to keep things simple and fun in your contact over the summer, there’s a greater chance you two can keep the spark alive and see if things ignite in the fall!   

*Names have been changed.

Though many collegiettes identify as bisexual, many others don’t know much about this sexual orientation at all. We talked to two collegiettes about their experiences with bisexuality in college. They directly respond to some of the myths and misunderstandings surrounding bisexuality. What does being bisexual mean exactly? Does everyone who is bisexual choose to identify that way? How does it affect your dating life in college? How do others react to it? What is it like to be bi in college?

What is Bisexuality?

According to the Bisexual Resource Center (BRC), the definition of bisexuality varies depending on whom you ask. The BRC defines bisexuality most generally in this way: “Someone who has had sexual experience with or even just attractions to people of more than one sex can be described as bisexual, but may not identify that way. Likewise, one can identify as bisexual regardless of sexual experience.” So, the definition of bisexuality is loose, but it generally entails being attracted to both men and women.

Her Campus talked to two collegiettes about their experiences with being bisexual in college. One collegiette, Alyx, actually identifies as pansexual and therefore doesn’t see gender as a factor in her attraction to others (similar to bisexuality). The other collegiette, Hannah*, identifies as bisexual. Here are some of their thoughts on being bi in college:

The Dating Scene

What is dating or finding potential partners like? Is it easier or harder to find people to go out on a date or hook up with?

Alyx: “Being pansexual is actually pretty great for me, dating-wise! I have a much larger pool of potential dates than monosexual people do. Although I'm about 90 percent attracted to females and 10 percent attracted to males, so I suppose that could affect [my dating options]. I've only been in two relationships since starting college, both of them long-term, so I can't really give input on more short-term things. My current relationship has been very wonderful.”

Hannah: “Since I just started the coming out process, it really hasn't materially affected my dating life so far. I do worry, though, about being able to find girls to date at all, because it's really just a much, much smaller dating pool, especially in my small college town. I also sometimes feel pressured to come out faster or make sure everyone in my life knows, even though I'm totally not ready for that. I don't want to miss an opportunity to be introduced to someone because a mutual friend didn't know I'd be interested.”

Reaction from the Gay and Lesbian Community

Do collegiettes who identify as bisexual feel prejudice from the gay and lesbian community? Are they able to fit in with the gay and lesbian community or are they isolated because they don’t choose just one gender when it comes to who they’re attracted to?

Hannah: “Whether I feel accepted by the LGBT community (or not) is a tricky one. Do I feel accepted by the community as a whole? Not exactly. It feels like there's this perception that I could just as easily end up with a guy, so what am I complaining about? But, as with most things, the way I feel toward a broader community pales in comparison to what I've experienced on a personal level. My best friend is gay, and he's the first person I told (accidentally). There's no way I could have done any of it, this whole crazy coming out experience, without him. To me, that's all that really matters.”

Alyx: “I don't really feel a lot of prejudice. Although my friends are all awesome, so there's that. If I'm in a LGBTQ space and talk about having a boyfriend, I get instant surprised reactions, but nobody actually straight up says anything. They WILL sometimes ask how I identify, which is great! I'd much rather people ask than just make assumptions.”

Reaction to Coming Out

How does the rest of the college community react towards bisexuality? What is the hardest part about being out?

Alyx: “I feel invisible more than anything else. A lot of people will decide your sexuality for you, based on whom you're dating. So seeing me with a boyfriend automatically makes me straight. Another thing that's kind of annoying is how, if I'm on a date with my girlfriend, people will assume that we're just friends going out for lunch. But then if we kiss we're suddenly hyper-visible and people complain about us showing too much affection, even though straight people can do a lot worse without people complaining. I don't necessarily hate people not automatically knowing my sexuality, it just irks me when strangers assume they know who I'm dating.”

Hannah: “The first time I came out, it was a complete accident. One of my best friends is gay and started coming out late last year. We were just kind of talking about his coming out process, and I said something like, ‘I'm really so proud of you, because if I'm being honest... I'd probably identify more as bisexual. But I could never come out. I just couldn't do it.’ So we talked it out that night (and a million times since - he's been amazing). And I was planning to keep it between us, basically forever. But the next morning I woke up and it just felt so good that someone knew, that I'd said it out loud. I'd known I was attracted to girls for a really long time, but I'd never put a label on it, even in my mind. That morning was the most honest I'd felt in my whole life, and I didn't want to just throw that away. So when I saw the same friend that day, I told him that I wasn't ready to accept it yet, but I wanted to someday, and I didn't want to close myself off to anyone. Then the same day, I told another friend. I told another the next day, and it just kind of continued from there. I still haven't told anyone who wasn't a friend, and I've very intentionally only told friends who I know will be completely accepting. I'm not ready to come out to the more homophobic people in my life yet. But I will be, someday!”

The College Experience

Does college have a more accepting atmosphere when it comes to bisexuality? What are the biggest challenges for a bisexual collegiette?

Alyx: “Being queer in college is interesting. I don't think it's really affected my academics at all. Although, after I out myself, I tend to become the ‘token queer’ in my classes. It's kind of awkward being the default everyone in class defers to on topics relating to queer-ness, especially since I'm not really an expert on anything other than my own life. One girl in my Human Sexuality class was apparently convinced that I was a lesbian, and expressed a great deal of surprise when I was talking about my boyfriend."

Hannah: “I'm not anywhere close to accepting my bisexuality. Every other day, I try to convince myself that coming out isn't worth it, that it'd be better to go back to just making it work and passing as completely heterosexual. But then I think about how much better I am, and will be, for accepting myself as a complete person... not just the parts of me that society views as acceptable. Ultimately, I just want to want what I want. College, and more importantly the people I met there, taught me that I don't have to be ashamed of that.

Being bisexual in college, for me, has been more about discovering my sexuality. I've always known I was attracted to girls but I grew up in a really, really conservative environment and somehow managed to avoid ever putting a label on it. Even when it first started dawning on me that I could by no means honestly identify as completely straight, I planned to hide it and ‘make it work.’ But meeting more and more accepting people changed my views on that. Now, I don't want to close myself off to the possibility of a relationship with anyone, no matter what [his or her] gender is.”

Misconceptions of Bisexuality

There are many myths and misunderstandings associated with bisexuality. Struby Struble, the director of the LGBTQ Center at The University of Missouri shared some common misconceptions about bisexuality:

MYTH: Bisexual people are attracted to everyone.

Struble Says: As is true with all sexualities, bisexual people are only attracted to some people (e.g., straight women aren't attracted to all men, just to some men).

MYTH: Bisexual people are promiscuous.

Struble Says: This myth usually comes about because there's a belief that because of the possibility of attraction to more people, bisexual people have more sex. As with all sexualities, each person chooses her number of sex partners.

MYTH: Bisexual people are confused.

Struble Says: If someone is self-identifying as bisexual it is because they have come to a point where their sexuality is clear to them and they are not confused.

MYTH: Bisexuality is a stop on the way to being gay or lesbian.

Struble Says: Not necessarily. All sexualities are fluid.

The bottom line of bisexuality?“As with all identities, bisexual people should be allowed to self-identify. This does not mean that they cannot change how they self-identify [over time]. The key is that it is SELF-identification and not being identified by others based on a person's current relationship status,” says Struble. It’s up to each collegiette to define her own sexuality as she sees fit—it’s not up to others to define it for her.

Most importantly, these collegiettes want to send a message that bisexuality isn’t that different from being straight. They still feel the same emotions that hetero- or homosexual people feel when it comes to crushes, lust, love, and commitment!

*Name has been changed to protect privacy.

June is the perfect time for a little summer romance. Make the most of it by trying the Her Campus 30-Day Date Challenge with a date for every day of the month! There’s a range of dates to try, from casual and low-key to adventurous and exhilarating. You’ll enjoy the best that June has to offer, but it’s up to you to pick the best date to accompany you. So let’s get sizzling!

Sunday, June 1

Take a Day Trip to the Beach

The crash of the waves and the sand between your toes will set the mode for a romantic day. You can take a stroll hand-in-hand to look for seashells, flirt with some playful splashing in the ocean and, if you’re really feeling adventurous, try paddleboarding (on the same board, of course)! To top off the first June date challenge, watch the sunset together. Nothing beats a summer sunset over the ocean with your partner!  If you’re nowhere near a coastline, head to the nearest lake (or even just a pool!) and cool off together.

Monday, June 2

Cook a Summer Dish Together

For the second date challenge, you’ll be sure to heat up more than just your dinner with a delicious date night recipe! Cooking together is an easy way to spend quality time with your significant other. Be sure to get your groceries ahead of time so you can enjoy more alone time in the kitchen!

Tuesday, June 3

Go to the Zoo

On Tuesday, find out each other’s favorite animals at the zoo. You can walk and tell each other stories for hours. Talking about your childhood memories will help you connect and get to know each other better.

Wednesday, June 4

Stargaze

Pack a blanket and pillows to lie on and spend a summer night under the stars. This free light show is sure to get the sparks flying, so you won’t need a falling star to make your wish come true!

Thursday, June 5

Visit a Brewery

If you’re 21 or older, on Thirsty Thursday, sample some craft beers. You’ll be sure to get the conversation flowing! Find a brewery near you and make a day of it! If you’re younger than 21, why not tour a chocolate factory nearby (or just hit up a chocolate shop) instead?

Friday, June 6

Go Out for Donuts

Celebrate National Donut Day by having a donut date! Go to your favorite donut shop and try the craziest flavors you can find. It’ll be an easy conversation starter, and you might even find a new favorite donut!

Saturday, June 7

Go to an Amusement Park

Rides are much more enjoyable with a cute date to hold on to. Just try not to squeeze your date’s hand too hard! For this date challenge, find an amusement park near you and don’t forget to wear your walking shoes.

Sunday, June 8

Have a Picnic Lunch

Grab your blanket, some sandwiches and your SO! Now you just need a romantic spot for two and you’ll have the perfect formula for love. A picnic by the water is always a good choice. Also, try surprising your SO by bringing his or her favorite dessert. Any special touches will show that you care!

Monday, June 9

Make an Iced Coffee Run

Start your Monday morning with a quick iced coffee date before your day gets busy. It’ll get you thinking about each other all day, and it might even lead to a second date in the evening!

Tuesday, June 10

Go Strawberry Picking

Fresh fruit is even better when you pick it yourself. You and your date can enjoy a day on a strawberry farm. If you’re looking for an extra challenge, keep the date going by asking your date to come to your place for a strawberry dessert afterwards!

Wednesday, June 11

Order Takeout

This Wednesday, keep it casual with a night in with your favorite takeout. This is the night to dress comfy and let your SO see you relaxed in a home setting. It will make both of you more comfortable, and your SO will find you even more attractive! Sometimes nothing is sexier than a T-shirt, jeans and your hair up in a messy bun.

Thursday, June 12

Go Shag Dancing

Find some beach music and learn to shag! You and your date will be spinning and laughing together to the music. Don’t forget to wear a cute flowy skirt or dress!

Friday, June 13

Go to a Baseball Game

Baseball games are a fun environment and great for a date. Plus, you get to watch cute baseball players! So brush up on your baseball lingo and find that cute cap hiding in your closet to show your date your athletic side.

Saturday, June 14

Ride Bikes in the Park

For this date challenge, get your exercise in for the day and spend time with your SO. Sounds way more fun than the gym! Just don’t bike in ahilly area unless you’re really looking for a workout. Plus, it’s hard to have a meaningful conversation when you’re out of breath!

Sunday, June 15

Take a Boat Ride

It’s hard to top a day on the water with your SO. You can lay out and tan, go fishing or just take in the views together. Bring a couple of inner tubes and you’ll really be in for a good time!

Monday, June 16

Try a New Restaurant

This Monday, eat at that new restaurant you’ve been talking about going to. Be sure to request outdoor seating if they have it so you and your date can enjoy the summer weather!

Tuesday, June 17

Go Night Swimming

The moon and stars reflecting off of the water will get your heart racing as you dip into the cool pool or ocean with your SO. You know you’ll have to stay close for warmth that late at night!

Wednesday, June 18

Have an Indoor Movie Night

Pop some popcorn, snuggle up and watch your favorite summer movies for this date challenge. We love Summer Catch with Freddie Prinze Jr.!

Thursday, June 19

Have a Candlelit Dinner

If you’re in the mood for a romantic night, a candlelit dinner is the way to go. Bring out your favorite wine (or sparkling cider, if you’re under 21) and put on some soft music. You’ll be in for a night you won’t forget!

Friday, June 20

Visit a National Park

Spend the day sightseeing together at a national park on Friday. This is a great date for outdoors enthusiasts. You can bring a lunch and spend a nature-filled day together!

Saturday, June 21

See an Outdoor Concert

Outdoor summer concerts are a blast! Be sure to pack a cooler and some foldout chairs; you’ll be glad you did. If you’re really looking to make your SO’s day, go see his or her favorite band or singer. 

Sunday, June 22

Host a Summer BBQ

Host a BBQ and invite your friends and their SOs! A cookout can be a lot of fun, but it can become stressful if you let it. To keep it simple, have your friends bring the chips, drinks and desserts. You’ll get to have a good time with all of your favorite people and see how your SO interacts with your friends. You’ll know your SO is a keeper if your best wingmen and wingwomen approve!

Monday, June 23

Get a Couple’s Massage

For this date, treat yourselves with a romantic and relaxing couple’s massage. It can even be a great gift idea to surprise your SO! You can visit an indoor spa or, for a more tropical experience, get massages by the ocean.

Tuesday, June 24

Visit a Museum

Find a museum that interests you and your date. You’d be surprised by the things you’ll learn, sometimes about each other!

Wednesday, June 25

Make Homemade Ice Cream

This is a favorite of ours, and it’s perfect for beating the summer heat! There are lots of easy ice cream recipes online. Try adding your favorite fruit for a sweet summer treat!

Thursday, June 26

Visit a Winery

Sip some wine and take in the scenery at a winery. It’s the perfect backdrop for a romantic summer date. You may also want to consider having someone else drive you so that you can make the most of your visit. If you’re under 21, have a night in with sparkling cider and some fancy cheese and crackers.

Friday, June 27

See an Outdoor Movie

Summertime movies are the best, especially out on the lawn! But for a little more privacy with your date, try a drive-in movie. You’ll still get the outdoor feel, but your date will feel much more intimate.

Saturday, June 28

Go White Water Rafting

This is great for couples feeling up for a challenge! Invite another couple to make it a double date. Hanging out with other couples can bring you even closer to your SO!

Sunday, June 29

Go Hiking

Be adventurous and explore the outdoors. June is the perfect month for you and your date to enjoy the beautiful weather. Check out the best hiking locations near you, and don’t forget to bring plenty of water to stay hydrated.

Monday, June 30

Make S’mores

For the final date challenge, make a campfire (or just use the microwave—we won’t tell!) to make s’mores. You’re sure to fire up the night wit this sweet treat!

Her Campus’s 30-day date challenge will refresh your normal dating routine. By the end of June, you’ll be a confident dater and have had plenty of time to come up with your own date ideas for July! So enjoy a romantic June—we would love to hear about how your dates went and what new date ideas you come up with in the comments! 

You and your new boyfriend are two peas in a pod, and you’re both excited to see what’s in store for your budding relationship. The only issue? It’s summer, and your family homes are far apart. This summer’s going to be rough, right?

Actually, Her Campus has ways to make the distance not only bearable, but even exciting (crazy — we know). Check out our list for keeping the romance sizzle even while you’re hundreds of miles apart.

1. Send him a surprise package.

There’s nothing like receiving an awesome gift in the mail. Make your man feel good by sending him a surprise you think he’d enjoy!

“This doesn't have to be anything expensive; it's more about the thought that counts,” says Suzanne Oshima, matchmaker at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette. “For example, send him his favorite home-baked cookies/brownies with a handwritten note sealed with an impression of the kiss of your lips.”

Hop on Amazon or Yahoo Shopping and grab an awesome gift for your guy—whether that be a box of sweets, a T-shirt of his fave baseball team or something quirky and unconventional, like these hilarious soaps. It’ll remind him how amazing you are for thinking of him.

Want to up the romance factor? Include a love letter. And don’t type it — write it by hand. It’s more personal that way! “Send him a note with a spritz of your perfume,” Oshima says. He’ll appreciate the sweet gesture, and you’ll be looking forward to his love letters in return. This is so Nicholas Sparks.

2. Skype, Skype, Skype!

Never underestimate the power of video chat, collegiettes! If you’re both into Apple devices, FaceTime is a great option, too.

Oshima recommends video chatting every week. Pick a day that works best—whether it’s Sunday nights or Wednesday mornings, whatever best fits both of your summer schedules! Most importantly, stick with a set time. That way, you’ll get to see each other every week. Yeah, it’s virtual, but it’s definitely better than nothing! Seeing his face will brighten your day, and vice versa. Plus, it’s something to look forward to.

Don’t be afraid to get creative! Have a virtual dinner date complete with candles to give your Skype sesh a romantic vibe. Or play show-and-tell using a treasured item in each of your households, whether it be a childhood picture or a fifth-grade soccer trophy; this is a great way to get to know each other, too.

3. Swap clothes.

There’s nothing like sleeping in your guy’s oversized T-shirt or hoodie—ahh. Plus, Oshima has other awesome ideas for what to do with it.

“Get a shirt or sweatshirt of his before you leave for summer and then take a sexy photo of you in it and text it to him later in the summer,” Oshima suggests.

If you’ve already left for summer break, no problem—have him mail you a sweatshirt of his and promise you’ll return it when you both go back to school (don’t be ashamed to indulge in cheeseball romantic practices every once in a while!). It’ll make the fall semester seem not so far away. Send him a scarf or a beloved T-shirt of yours, too, and you both can make the same pledge! Have him spray his cologne on his item of choice, and spray your best perfume on yours. He probably won’t wear yours (it might be a little troubling if he did…), but he’ll always have your scent nearby to remember you. Aww, how romantic.

4. Email him a funny e-card.

This is a cute and quirky way to stay in touch with your guy. Virtual cards are so adorable! Check out American Greetings; you can get a free trial to see if you like it. Other sites to check out include BlueMountain.com. You’ll fall in love with the hilarious, adorable cards these sites boast—and your guy will love them, too. You don’t have to do it daily, but sending a cute card over email is an underrated way to brighten each other’s days.

Don’t have the money for a membership? That’s okay! Get him ROFL-ing by emailing him links to funny YouTube clips, like videos from CollegeHumor or Funny Or Die. He’ll appreciate your awesome sense of humor.

5. Text him when something reminds you of him — but not 24/7.

If you hear your song on the radio, shoot him a quick text: “X song just came on—thinking of you! Hope you’re having a great day!” This shows him that he’s on your mind, but you’re also totally cool with keeping the convo less-than-novel length.

“Send him flirty, fun texts [and] photos of things that make you think about him when you're out,” Oshima says.

It’s important not to go overboard with your texts, though. If you text him all the time, there’s a serious chance of coming off as clingy, which is a totally unattractive quality in a partner! Make sure to have fun on your own, too. It’s only a downward spiral after the obsessive texting starts. Have a fabulous time on your own and with your family and friends — you’ll feel great about yourself because you’ll know you don’t need to rely on him to be happy.

“It's important to not spend the entire summer missing him and being depressed,” Oshima says. “Otherwise, you'll seem too needy to him, and that will be a huge turnoff.  So you have to have a balance and show him you're thinking about him, but you're also having a fun, great summer even without him.”

We know you’ll miss him this summer, but at least there are ways to alleviate the hardships of an LDR. Look at it this way, collegiettes — fall is just around the corner (seriously, summer is never forever), and soon you’ll actually be missing the days when you could wear cute Target bikinis and sip virgin margaritas by the pool. Don’t take it for granted!

Dating in college isn't exactly easy––that's why our Real Live College Guys detangle your love issues every week. But dating after college is an entirely different animal. Suddenly, you can't meet guys at frat parties, in class or on the staff of your newspaper anymore––now you're in the “real world.” While it might have been fine to hook up with the cute guy who also worked your shift at the rec center, it's definitely not okay to treat your new job as a dating pool. (Sorry, no date is worth the risk of getting fired!)

Her Campus talked to dating expert Lindsay Kriger and Elyssa Goodman, a 2010 Carnegie Mellon grad whose little black book is hardly wanting for dates. They explain how dating changes between college and post-graduation, and how you can adapt to those changes with ease. Now do yourself a favor, and leave next Friday open on your calendar...

How is dating in college different than dating after college?

The major difference is that fewer opportunities fall directly into your lap. You won't be thrown together with a million other people your own age in college classes, student clubs or frat parties. Instead, it's up to you to seek out people to meet and things to do, especially if you're moving to a new city.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but once you graduate from college, dating takes effort. You have to coordinate schedules and find time to see each other. And that’s if you can even find each other in the first place, because now you have to search out the people you click with, since they’re no longer all around you,” says Kriger.

So, how do you make that happen?

Elyssa says, “When I moved to New York [after graduation], I found myself wondering when I would have New York friends and meet a New York boy. Trust me, it happens eventually – you just have to go out and experience the world as you normally would. For me personally, that means gallery openings, art parties, cabarets and just hanging out with friends (I've met awesome guys all of the places listed). This works because you know you already have something in common, in that you both like to go to these kinds of places. Or you already have good taste in people because you have a mutual friend!”

Elyssa's approach works because it's so proactive. The only person you'll meet by sitting at home on a Friday night watching Netflix in your pajamas is Don Draper (and sorry, ladies, he's taken). If you want to meet someone new, you have to put yourself out there. Is that exhilarating? Yes. Kind of scary? You betcha. 

Where can you meet guys post-graduation?

Some of the places you might have typically met guys are off-limits once you graduate. But other places (hello, being 21+!) are finally open.

Here are a few new places you might meet guys after you graduate:

• Instead of class, try...  joining a co-ed sports team.
• Instead of study abroad, try... an 18+ Contiki travel tour.
• Instead of frat parties and mixers, try... a bar.
• Instead of on campus, try... public parks.
• Instead of Tinder, try... OK Cupid or Grouper.

While there may have been a stigma against online dating in college, it's fairly commonplace once you leave your campus bubble. Kriger explains, “If you’re worried that online dating makes you look desperate, get over it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship and letting people know it,” she says. “Online dating is actually a lot safer and more reliable than meeting random guys at bars. When you meet someone in the virtual world, you can get a better feel for their intentions and find out things like whether or not they’re looking for a relationship, what their life and dating philosophies are, or even just what they do for fun.”

Of course, a few places to meet guys can remain the same: house parties, the gym, religious groups, sporting events and concerts, volunteer work, and through family and friends. But remember, once you fall into a routine, you limit the number of new people you're able to meet.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. When you always go to the same bars, always eat in the same restaurants, always work out at the same gym at the same time, you never stray from your comfort zone – and you limit the number of new experiences in your life!” Kriger says. “If you’re single and ready to mingle, but finding the dating pool a little stale, why not try a different approach in some aspect of your daily routine? There are tons of men out there, but without just a touch of a ‘carpe diem’ attitude, you might miss out on meeting them (or even crossing paths).”

How can you let a guy know you're interested?

In order to maximize the chances of being approached by a guy, Kriger recommends hanging out by yourself or with just one other friend. It's nerve-wracking for a guy to approach a big group of girls to start a conversation with just one. “Ever thought about how scary three or four of us are when we go out to bars together? Too much pretty in one collective unit,” she says.

But sitting around waiting for a guy to invite you out seriously sucks. It's time to take matters into your own hands! Striking up a conversation, being yourself, touching his arm... never fear, those flirting tips you mastered in college aren't going anywhere. They work in the real world, too. The key to asking a guy out is confidence, pure and simple.

Elyssa says, “I was hanging out in Union Square Park [in New York City] one day and just kind of randomly starting talking to someone. I enjoyed talking to him, so I was just like, 'Would you like to have coffee sometime?' He said yes and called me later to make plans.”

Take after Elyssa's example and start small by sparking a conversation. It could be as simple as a comment on the weather, a comment on something he's reading or even asking for directions. Congrats, you've broken the ice! From there, keep the ball rolling. If you're getting a good vibe from the conversation, don't be afraid to take it a step further and ask him out for coffee. 

“You could very easily never see these people again so it's a lot less scary to just be like, 'Hey...'” Elyssa points out.

Remember, the worst that can happen is that he never calls. If that's the case, treat the scenario as practice for asking out the next guy. You can do it! If it makes you feel better, remember that guys feel the pressure of asking girls out all the time. We bet you're feeling sympathetic now, huh?

How are post-grad guys different than college guys?

Face it, a 22-year-old guy is a 22-year-old guy no matter what. Guys don't put on their cap and gown and suddenly decide to shower you with expensive jewelry and fine wines. (We wish.) But a guy's mindset might change after graduation, the same way yours does. Your new dating pool is probably occupied 9 – 5, either working all day or sending out job applications like crazy. Guys who used to be all about the hook-up scene might find themselves looking for something a bit more serious.

You might also start dating older guys. A four-year age gap might be pretty significant when you're in college, but once you graduate, it's not a big deal to start dating guys in their mid- to late-twenties, including grad students. Older guys tend to be more mature and have a bit more real world experience than guys your own age. They offer a few sweet bonuses, like “real” dates (at restaurants with tablecloths––imagine that!) and fewer fart jokes, but they come with drawbacks too: if your older guy has a busy job, he might not be able to hang out as often as you'd like.

But the biggest perk of all? A post-grad date will never end with the two of you squeezed into a twin extra-long bed three feet away from your roommate.

The transition to your new post-grad life might be intimidating, but remember that the transition to college was scary once upon a time, too. There's no pressure to start dating right away, so take your time and have fun!

You meet a guy at the bar and he invites you to his date party. You automatically think that means he wants to date you so you text him over and over again trying to hang out. And when that doesn’t work, you move on to the next one—someone, anyone to be your boyfriend.

If finding a boyfriend is at the top of your to-do list, you should probably cross it off right now. Trust me, there are way better things to do with your time. The guys aren’t always going to drop what they’re doing and sweep you off your feet; it’s a shame, we know, but this doesn’t mean you have to put all your energy into desperately searching for “the one.”

We talked to college girls and guys who shared their experiences about girls who didn’t get the “be a little mysterious” message. Marla Martenson, matchmaker, life coach, speaker, and author of Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting, tells us the secret truth about trying too hard.

What qualifies you as a desperate collegiette?

Going for what you want is good, but trying to turn every man you meet into your boyfriend is not. Although you might want a boyfriend, you don’t need one. If you’re always searching for a man to complete you, you could be a desperate collegiette (but don’t worry, Her Campus is here to help you!). This desperation can come in many forms: asking everyone you know to set you up on dates, fantasizing about your future with guys you just met, texting every guy in your phone hoping one of them will profess his love to you, or going home from the bar with random guys.

Marshall, a student at the University of Michigan, tells us how he feels about desperate collegiettes. “We were hook-up buddies, I thought I had the perfect thing set up and then one night she just broke down crying asking to date me and then called and texted, making it painfully obvious she was struggling to make something more out of it than what was there which made her so much more unattractive.”

Lesson learned: If you’re just hook-up buddies, that could be all you are. Don’t assume every encounter you have with a guy has the potential to turn into a real relationship.

“I was tutoring this guy and started to like him. I knew I shouldn’t cross the professional boundaries, but for some reason I thought it was okay to drunkenly call and text him asking him to come over. I would also see him at the bar all the time and asked him to walk me home once. He said no, so I went home with his roommate. Now he thinks I’m crazy,” says Christina*, a collegiette at Michigan State University.

Lesson learned: Your sober instincts are probably your best instincts. If you can’t stop throwing yourself at guys when you start drinking, you might want to start limiting your alcohol (which you should be doing anyway to stay safe).

Michelle*, a student at the University of Michigan, says, “I had a huge crush on a boy in my class who told me he didn’t have time for a girlfriend. I still continued to invite him out with me all the time and asked him for help in class. I did anything I could to spend time with him even though I knew he didn’t like me.”

Lesson learned: Don’t play dumb and pretend like you need him to be your study buddy just so you can spend time with him (plus, that’s so Mean Girls). If he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he doesn’t want a girlfriend (or he just doesn’t like you).

Why do you keep trying too hard with guys?

It’s likely caused by low self-esteem.

Martenson says, “Young women often derive their ‘worth’ from whether or not they have a boyfriend, and who that boyfriend is, how good looking, wealthy or popular.” Come on, collegiettes, you’re awesome and you know it—and you certainly don’t need a man to prove it. “When that special person comes along, he will be a complement to your life, the icing on the cake, not the cake,” Martenson says.

Your self-esteem is fine; you’re just looking to have fun.

If this is the case, enjoy the hook-up and then move on. It’s when you’re having hundreds of hook-ups with multiple men that you’re crossing the line between enjoying some fun, casual kisses and using make-out sessions to fill a void.

You think you need to try for the guy in order to get the guy.

It makes sense; you try harder in school to get better grades, you try harder at practice to beat the track record, but if you try harder at getting the guy, he will run in the opposite direction. Make him chase you!

You’re needy.

Sometimes, we think we need a boyfriend so we try to pursue every available guy even when we don’t actually like any of them. Carly from the University of Michigan noticed she was leaning towards desperate when she used to think, "I want a boyfriend" in general instead of "I want *Hot Boy John* to be my boyfriend." If he’s really the right guy for you, he won’t be replaceable.

What is wrong with pursuing guys all the time?

You could get a bad reputation.

What words do guys associate with girls who try too hard? “Overbearing, overwhelming, annoying,” says Jeff from Michigan State University. I highly doubt you want to be called any of these things. They certainly don’t spell ideal girlfriend to me. Give him a reason to call you outstanding, amazing, wonderful.

Trying too hard to land yourself a man can also send the wrong message. If you seem overly eager, you might not be sending out “girlfriend material” vibes. The less that guys see you as the relationship type, the less likely it is that they’ll be able to see themselves in a relationship with you.

Independent woman? Not you.

If you’re always on a manhunt, people might start to think you’re dependent on guys for everything. You’ve got the personality and the drive to succeed, but you’re holding yourself back by waiting around for a guy to somehow make you better. Make Beyoncé proud!

It’s tiring.

You have enough on your plate and don’t need to add boyfriend searching to the mix. It will just complicate things. “I always have to have at least one guy I’m talking to or texting or something. It makes me feel special. I like to have more than one though so I can switch to another guy if something doesn’t work out with one of them,” says Courtney, a student at Grand Valley State University.

You’ll lose more than you’ll win.

“Instead of having fun with my friends when we go out on the weekend, I always find a guy to talk to for the night. I end up ditching my friends for the guy because I love the attention he’s giving me. It always ends with me upset, my friends mad at me, and me still alone,” says Natalie*, a collegiette at Western Michigan University. If it isn’t worth the fallout, it probably isn’t worth your time.

What are some easy ways to stop being so desperate?

Improve your self-esteem.

“A great exercise to do to raise your self-esteem is to write down five wonderful qualities you possess and five things you excel at,” Martenson says. Post this list where you can see it every day and instead of turning to a guy when you’re in need of a mood-booster, value your own excellence. “Feeling great about yourself and what you are up to in life gives you the power and ability to stand on your own two feet and not desperately seek a boyfriend to complete you,” Martenson says.

Quit cold turkey.

You don’t want to spend the rest of your life chasing guys, so just stop. We know you can do it! Next time your roommate’s boyfriend says he’s bringing over guys you’ll probably like, smile and say thank you but when they arrive don’t eagerly rush over to them. If you’re the type of girl who thinks every guy you meet could be your future boyfriend, have a more nonchalant attitude and enjoy the moment without trying to plan the future. It helps if you don’t talk about every encounter with a guy like it was a magical made for TV moment.

If you text multiple guys for attention, you should try putting your phone away when you know you’re more likely to text them (when you’re around couples, after you start drinking, when you’ve just heard bad news about something). A fun thing my friends and I recently started when we go out is a phone swap. This way you can still get a hold of your friends but you won’t be able to text boys because you won’t have their numbers. If going home from the bar with random guys is your problem, make a pact with your friends that no girl goes home without another. The extra reinforcement and buddy system will help you succeed.

Stop trying to prove yourself to everyone. Be your own person.

“Realize that you are a special, unique individual with your own talents and strengths and are not required to prove yourself to anyone,” Martenson says. Once you get this idea in your head, you can pay more attention to improving your single self and let go of the constant need to have the boyfriend of the year. Martenson says, “You are good enough to have a boyfriend, the career you choose, and the life you desire!” The important thing to remember is that you are good enough to have a boyfriend, but you don’t need one in order to be good enough. “Don’t look to the world for your validation; everything that you need is within you!” Martenson says.

*Some names have been changed

Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

This guy helped me get through a really nasty break-up earlier this year. He was super supportive and just a really great friend. Then once I had been single for a while, he asked me to watch a movie with him and he made a move. We hooked up for three dates before he told me we should just be friends. I made my peace with it, which sucked because I had real feelings for him at this point but I couldn’t exactly argue with his claims that "he wasn’t doing this for the right reasons"… whatever that means. Then last week, he asked me out on a "real date" as he called it, and kissed me in my car two nights in a row. When that turned into making out in his room again, he pulled the same thing he did a month ago!! Saying that he thinks we should just be friends. I have no clue what’s going on, but I really like this guy and he seems to be having major feeling confusion. Is there any chance this is going somewhere? Or is he not even worth it? – Conflicted at Cal Poly

Conflicted,

I don’t even know where to start. My head is so full of confusion from this guy, that it’s almost admirable.

This guy managed to pull off something that many men have only attempted to fruitlessly achieve. Generations of the world’s greatest men have tried to figure out how to escape the friend zone. But my God, when humanity is finally blessed to have a breakthrough, the man who discovered it throws away the formula because he’s a selfish pig and wants to watch the world burn changes his mind about the whole thing. Yikes. This can only mean that generations of future men will have to suffer until we have another breakthrough.

With this question, I won’t even beat around this bush. Even though he waited for you to recover from your break-up, he still flaked when he had his chance. As you probably know all too well, his moves are disorienting and exhausting. As a result, the best thing to do here is classic RLCG advice: just move on. It would be much better and healthier to simply move onto someone else who is much less confusing. Since he clearly cannot make up his mind about what he’s looking for when why try to figure it out for him? You’ve given him multiple chances to get himself together and it hasn’t led to anything. There are other guys out there who are still waiting in the friend zone who wouldn’t let you down in a similar situation.

The only thing I actually do like here is when he called off your first fling, saying it was “for the wrong reasons.” This may have had some basis. While you did start off as friends, perhaps his goals when you hooked up were purely sexual and he didn’t intend on having an actual relationship. So, calling things off would be the best thing to do. I get that. On the contrary, the lamest part about this is he called his second attempt a “real date.” Unless he thinks his life is an actual romantic comedy, there is no need for such a title when a simple explanation for why he called things off the first time would have sufficed. He should have at least acknowledged your history and just gave you the details straight. If he had specifically told you why the first time wasn’t good enough for him, it would be much more believable.

As I said earlier, there are tons of guys who wouldn’t confuse you like this. He’s had his chance, and he’s blown it. When he got another, he blew that one too (two strikes and you’re out, right?). You shouldn’t have to convince him to be with you. Since you’ve done everything you can do, the only thing left is to find someone else who will be more straightforward.

So you’ve been hooking up with this guy for a few weeks, maybe even months, but it still hasn’t really progressed to the next level. He hasn’t asked you out to dinner, let alone asked you to be his girlfriend. You may have not even had the DTR talk yet. And this is about the seventh guy who has done this to you. WHAT THE EFF GIVES?

Before you get ahead of yourself and buy a house full of cats in preparation for your future days as a spinster, check out this list. While in some cases it may just be that the guy isn’t looking for a serious relationship, it’s also possible that you’re unintentionally acting in ways that put you in the hook-up or FWB category, rather than the girlfriend category.

1. You’re being THAT drunk girl (and talking about partying nonstop)

If your classic night out ends with you stumbling all over the place, hanging onto anyone who comes within a one-foot radius of you, or kneeling over a toilet (or not even making it to the toilet), then you may be labeled as THAT girl—and having THAT girl as a girlfriend can be an embarrassing burden. Who really wants to be the one who always has to clean up your mess and carry you home?

“Guys like girls that can drink and have fun—definitely a turn-on. But girls that are constantly really sloppy or talk about how sloppy they are are just a nuisance, more than anything,” says Mike from the University of Michigan. “A girl like that gets labeled as ‘that girl that threw up all over someone.’ When the only memory people have of you is vomiting—nasty—you're not girlfriend material.”

Nate, a student at George Washington University, agrees. “There’s nothing worse than when a girl is constantly the one being looked after by her friends,” he says. “Any girl who just fell and can't find her phone and is simultaneously throwing up everywhere… no thanks. No one wants to date a scene-maker.”

Kiko from the University of Massachusetts Amherst says being “that girl” won’t get you past the hook-up stage. “Girls that try to come off as that ‘party girl’ completely scream ‘I don’t want to be in a relationship, I just want to f*ck dudes every weekend,” he says.

Getting wasted every night is a bad idea for plenty of reasons, and talking about it all the time just makes it seem like you’re actually proud that you projectile-vomited in the corner of the bar. So turn it down from blackout to buzzed. You’ll come off as fun yet responsible, rather than fun yet always passed out on some random dude’s couch by midnight. 

2. You act like you’re hot stuff  

Confidence is an awesome trait, and no one’s saying you shouldn't flaunt it if you’ve got it. But if you’re constantly parading around like you’re on the runway of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, confidence can turn into unflattering conceitedness.

“A girl that is obnoxiously loud and acts like she’s hot sh*t the first time you meet her signals that she is a b*tch,” Mike says. “You can’t really talk to those types of girls. Maybe guys would want to hook up with them, but more than likely they just can’t stand being around girls like that. It’s much more annoying than it is attractive.”

Would I have to constantly feed her ego? Would I always be waiting three hours for her to get ready to go out? That’s what your potential boyfriend would ask himself if you can’t stop bragging about that time you got stopped on the street because you were mistaken for Mila Kunis. If you look anything like Mila Kunis, that’s amazing and I’m jealous of you, but play it cool and don’t act like you know it. Being confident, yet down-to-earth, is a gf-worthy combination.

3. You talk more smack than Gossip Girl

If you’re always gossiping and talking behind people’s backs, especially about your own friends, the guys you’re around may consider you catty, shallow, and disloyal—none of which are traits of an ideal girlfriend. Calling Trang Pak a “grotsky little beyotch” at a frat party right after you were seen hugging her makes you seem mean and fake—again, not ideal.

Incessant gossiping may scare guys away because if they think you love drama (by talking about it and causing it), they might imagine that you would be hard to deal with in a relationship, or that the relationship would be full of fighting.

Instead of gossiping, your best bet is to engage in interesting conversation with a guy. “It’s true that you meet most girls in a party scene, but the ones that have always stuck out to me have been the ones that have talked to me about things other than the typical topics of conversation,” says Kiko. “One time I met this girl at the bar [and] we ended up talking about politics for the first 30 minutes of our conversation. I was blown away. Even though we didn't necessarily agree on everything, I was impressed by her knowledge and confidence to talk about it with a guy at a bar.”

He adds, “If you don't mention at least something that shows that you know that there is a lot more in this world than inside your college campus, then don't expect anything more than a one night stand (if that).

4. You look like you haven’t showered since the finale of Gossip Girl

“Damn, I want to cuddle with her and wake up to that smell all the time,” said no guy ever when you’re sitting in class, emitting fumes from a previous gym sesh because you forgot to shower… for the past five days. 

“Guys like girls that put themselves together nicely,” Mike says. “If a girl is well-put together and cares about herself, it’s a very positive sign for girlfriend material. But, if a girl walks around looking like complete sh*t all the time, not showering, clearly kind of dirty, she turns guys off.”

This is not to say you have to curl your hair into perfect ringlets every day and never touch a pair of sweatpants. As Mike advises, “you don’t have to put on pounds of makeup either. Guys will notice that, too. Overly done, obvious makeup is not a look guys want to be around every day.” It’s all about finding that natural balance… and maybe a good perfume.

5. You have a campus-wide reputation  

Just like you may write off a dude who has hooked up with half of your friends and is always seen bringing a different girl home every night, guys may be reluctant to date a girl with that reputation. Even if you're interested in settling down, getting around a lot tends to signal that you’re not looking for anything serious or exclusive. 

“Many guys don’t want date a girl who is a prude, but also don’t want a girl that your boys have heard SEVERAL stories about,” Mike says. “If you ask your friends about a girl and they can give you graphic stories on graphic stories about things she’s done... she's been around too much. Girls can get around, but keep it discrete. Once all that spreads, she’s not dateable in the eyes of most.”

If you had a wild run of hook-ups and earned yourself a reputation, but are now ready for a relationship, then tone it down and lay low for a bit. Hang out with the guys instead of hooking up with them, and you can reinvent yourself à la Jay Gatsby.

As for having sex the first time you get with a guy, the boys we interviewed are in consensus that this is not a deal-breaker in deciding whether or not you are girlfriend material. Kiko explains that though it may leave little to the imagination, first date sex is situational. Mike agrees. “If you like the girl and it just so happens that the first time you hook up you have sex, then maybe it’s a sign you get along well,” he says. “Guys do like a bit of a challenge, so not having sex may lead to more hook-ups until it does happen. But it really depends on the individual. Some guys just want to hook up and are not interested in relationships, so many times it has nothing to do with the girl. It's completely dependent on the situation and people involved.”

6. You never put down your cell phone

“There’s nothing worse than a girl that is clearly glued to her iPhone,” Kiko says. “Yeah, you know who you are, ‘girl that tries to be clever and not think I notice you texting at least three other guys.’ You're showing to me that you have other options than me and that after we hang out you're about to go to the next guy… some girls think they're really sneaky about this too, which just makes it worse.”

Plus, if you’re always texting or tweeting or Instagramming when a guy is trying to talk to you, it makes you seem uninterested and not invested in what he has to say. And if he can’t count on you to be there to listen and talk, he may think he’s better off keeping you in the FWB category.

7. You don’t get along with his best friends

“If she doesn't get along with your close friends, chances are she's not ‘the one,’” Nate says. “A guy may think that she's chill, but if all of his closest friends (who know him the best) don't see it, then she's probably not girlfriend material. Or, the dude will date her anyway and realize she is miserable three months and six expensive dinner dates later.”

Try to make an effort to get along with his crew. If they are unbearable, then you may want to reconsider the guy because, as Nate points out, those are the people closest to him, who he chooses to surround himself with. That can be a red flag if every single one of his friends drives you crazy—maybe he will, too.  

8. You’re way too clingy

If you’re clingy when you’re just casually hooking up, your guy—especially if he likes his space—may be freaked out that the clinginess would only increase if you were to date. In the movie How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, one of the major tactics Kate Hudson’s character uses to freak out Matthew McConaughey’s character is constant nagging, checking in, and invading his plans and his space. Being unbelievably clingy can send some guys running for the hills.

If he doesn't respond to your first text, there’s no need to quadruple text him. If he has a guys’ night planned, don’t try to get invited or make him feel bad about not hanging out with you.  Making it clear that you enjoy spending time with him but have your own life and respect that he has his is important for many guys.

On a similar note, Kiko says it’s admirable when a girl has her own strong interests and real aspirations separate from the guy’s. “It shows that if you were to be in a relationship with this girl, she would have other things to focus on other than the relationship,” he says. “Typically, when girls have nothing else better to do than focus on their boyfriends, they complain, and ain't nobody got time for that.” 

This list is definitely not true for every single guy out there—every guy has his own preferences and pet peeves. However, if you notice that you’re guilty of a lot of these behaviors and are stuck in the friend or hook-up zone, making a few easy adjustments can go a long way. And, if all else fails, you always have the cats to fall back on. 

Confusing guys, rampant hook-up culture and going steady—oh my! The realm of college dating is rough for any collegiette. But how do dating and relationships differ for collegiettes who strongly identify as feminists? Are there any specific challenges these women face? Her Campus chatted with collegiettes about how feminism affects your chances at love and how to get through sticky situations!

Some Guys Might See the “Feminist” Label as a Bad Thing

Collegiettes Weigh In

Although feminism means many things to many different people, a basic working definition is that feminism is the belief in gender equality, specifically focusing on women’s rights, including female representation, women’s salaries and women in the workplace.

However, many people (not just guys) don’t know what the term “feminism” really means, which can lead to a lot of misinformation and awkwardness. Jessica*, a sophomore at the University of Florida, found that many guys were turned off by her feminist label. “As soon as I mentioned to any guy that I was a feminist, they either didn’t know what I was talking about or immediately assumed that I was some angry, bra-burning woman who hated fun,” she says. “It was really discouraging, especially as a college freshman, and I started to feel like I’d never find anyone who wasn’t turned off by the idea.”

Julie*, a junior at the University of Virginia, also found that many guys just completely missed the boat on what the word “feminism” even meant. “I was once talking about feminism to a guy whom I considered well educated, and he honestly believed it was synonymous for the term ‘prude,’” she says. “This same guy ended up telling a bunch of his friends that I was a prude, and it made things really awkward between me and them.”

Guys Weigh In

“I’m not going to lie: the word ‘feminism’ conjures up images of angry women burning down buildings in my mind,” says Luke*, a rising junior at Wesleyan University. “However, I think whether or not I’d date the girl depends on her personally, and just like anything else, people view and show their identities differently. I’m not just going to swear off anyone who says they’re a feminist!”

Aidan*, a sophomore at the University of Florida, adds that for some guys, the feminist label can sometimes be intimidating. “I’d be a little freaked out if a girl came to me saying she was a feminist, not because of the term itself but because the word means so many different things to so many different people,” he says. “It’s hard to nail down, so I think it’d really have to depend on the individual girl and what her personal definition of it is.”

Sticking to Your Feminist Values Can Be Tough

Collegiettes Weigh In

Carly*, a junior at Wesleyan University, didn’t think that identifying as a feminist would change how people viewed her. “Wesleyan is an extremely liberal school, so people are generally not thrown off by it,” she says. “However, I soon found that though many guys were okay with me calling myself a feminist, they had huge issues with what that actually meant in practice.”

As soon as she started dating a fellow Wesleyan student during her sophomore year, Carly found that just because her then-boyfriend Ben* was cool with the term didn’t mean he understood what it entailed. “A couple months into our relationship, Ben started getting controlling,” she says. “For example, he’d expect me text him every morning and night no matter what but didn’t think he owed me the same courtesy; he just assumed that’s what women were supposed to do.”

When Carly confronted Ben about how some of his demands weren’t equal for both of them, he broke up with her. “I was really upset at the time, because I felt like this guy who had been super into the idea of gender equality was a total hypocrite,” she says. “It also made me really skeptical of other guys at Wesleyan, because many of them say that they’re feminists. Are they unaware of what it means, too?”

Guys Weigh In

The question is, do other guys expect you to drop your feminist values when you date them?

Jack*, a rising senior at the University of Pennsylvania, thinks it’s totally cool for women to have strong feminist values — he just asks that they be patient with their significant others who may not be as educated.

“I’ve dated two different women who strongly identified as feminists, and I found that both of them defined the word completely differently, which was a little confusing for me,” he says.

Jack explains that many guys are fine with learning about feminist beliefs, but you have to give them time to let it sink in. “My advice for women who identify as feminists when it comes to the dating pool is to be kind if you’re correcting a significant other on [something] he said that may sound sexist,” he says. “It can be an awkward situation if you’re yelling at a guy for something he did when he doesn’t get how it was wrong. Remember that society sends so many sexist messages to young, impressionable men every day, and it takes time to correct.”

You Might Feel Like You Have to Settle

Collegiettes Weigh In

Carly also notes that one of the hardest parts of being a feminist is that sometimes you may feel like you can’t find someone who really understands why feminism is important to you.

“I’ve gone on dates over the years with many guys who either weren’t cool when I told them I was a feminist or very obviously didn’t agree with the principles of feminism, which was hard,” she says. “For a long time, I felt like I just had to settle for guys who didn’t get it, because I thought there was no one out there who did.”

So, are there guys out there who will totally understand (and practice) feminism?

Guys Weigh In

Don’t fret; there are still guys out there who will totally get how important feminism is to you! James*, a senior at Wesleyan University, even adopted feminist beliefs because of an ex. “My ex-girlfriend was really vocal about her feminist views, which at first was sort of uncomfortable,” he says. “She’d correct me (nicely) if I said or did something that was sexist or misogynistic, and eventually we broke up for unrelated reasons.”

James realized how important feminist values are in a relationship. “Looking back on our relationship since it ended two years ago, I can safely say I learned more from her about how to treat and respect women than from anyone else,” he says. “And for that, I’m really grateful, as understanding feminism has positively affected all of my relationships since then.”

How to Deal

Based on all of the perils vocal feminists face, you might be wondering: What’s a feminist collegiette to do? Luckily, our ladies have some answers!

Talk to Other Feminists

Over time, Jessica found comfort in talking to other feminists. “A bunch of my friends explained that guys not understanding what it means to be a feminist doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person; it means that they’re the ignorant ones,” she says. “It was also nice to know that I wasn’t the only girl dealing with these issues when it came to guys, and I’m so thankful for that!”

Jessica also thinks that other collegiettes shouldn’t be ashamed to call themselves feminists for fear of driving guys away. “It sounds clichéd, but any guy who doesn’t accept who you are isn’t worth your time anyway,” she says. “If you’re a feminist, say it loud and be proud!”

Communicate With Your Significant Other

After recovering from the breakup, Carly reflected on how she could better explain feminism to the men she dated or wanted to date. “I realized that in my relationship with Ben, the problem wasn’t that I was a feminist; it was that I hadn’t been clear with him from the beginning about what I thought that entailed,” she says. “If I’d talked to him sooner, I would’ve seen that him and I had different ideas of what the gender roles were in a relationships, and we could’ve either worked it out or broken it off earlier.”

If you’re looking to date someone long-term, Carly recommends talking to him about expectations before things get serious. “I don’t think it needs to be this really intense conversation about gender identity and whatever,” she says. “But I think making it clear that you think you should both have the same expectations and responsibilities in the relationship is important.”

When Carly started dating her current boyfriend, Zach*, earlier this year, she made sure to sit down and chat with him about what she wanted. “Zach already kind of knew about the issues I’d had with Ben, so he was really great about listening to me when I said what I expected out of our relationship,” she says. “Equality is important for both of us, and I’m glad I took the time to discuss it with him.”

Don’t Settle (No Matter What!)

Carly believes that you shouldn’t date someone who doesn’t deserve you or understand why feminism is so important to you. “Feminism is like any other identity you hold near and dear; you shouldn’t feel like you have to sacrifice it just because a couple of guys don’t like it!” she says.

She also recommends surrounding yourself with other people who believe in the same feminist values you do. “My friends are feminists and I’m part of several feminist causes and groups on campus, so I don’t feel like I’m crazy or something for believing in gender equality,” she says. “I guess all these guys just have to catch up!”

Overall, don’t be afraid that your feminist identity will affect every part of your relationships! As with any other part of whom you are, if a guy doesn’t like that you’re a feminist, he’s not worth your time. So kick him to the curb and find someone who truly loves you for you!

*Names have been changed.

Moving to a new city can be rough. Once you’ve found an apartment and have gone through the grueling pack-unpack-decorate process, you’re still faced with the daunting task of meeting new people --especially guys. If thinking about trying to find a date in a new city makes your palms start to sweat, then keep reading—Her Campus is here with a list of easy ways to help you meet guys after you move!

1. Join a club or a sports team

Just after a big move is the perfect time to branch out and try something new! Whether you’re athletic or creative, it’s likely that classes are offered in something you’ve always wanted to try right in your new hometown. Taking a class or joining a recreational sports team could be the perfect way to meet the man of your dreams! Hit a pottery class at the local community center, or join a fitness class at the gym on your block.

There are likely soccer, kickball, or softball leagues in your new hometown, too, along with loads of other sports. Whether you’ve played before or not, joining these teams can give you a great opportunity to meet athletic, fun guys at the practices and games (and to celebrate with them after a big win!).  

If you want to get the ball rolling early, join a social networking site like MeetUp.com that will help you find people in your area who share your interests. Doing what you love will help you find a guy who likes rock-climbing, photography, or whatever else you enjoy just as much as you do!

2. Go out alone

It’s harder for guys to gather the courage to approach you when you’re dancing with a bunch of your girls or when you’re out to dinner with your best friend. So instead of taking along your pals next time, try going out alone! Bring a book to the coffee shop and sit at a table for two, or sit at a two-person table for lunch at a little café in your new town.

Try not to be on your laptop or phone, though—guys might feel like you’re waiting for someone if you’re constantly texting or like they’re interrupting your hard work if you’re typing away on your computer. You’ll come off as mysterious if you’re sitting alone and reading, and it will be easier for guys to approach you if you’re by yourself. Be sure to keep an eye out for guys sitting alone doing the same thing! 

Additionally, if one of your new friends in the area invites you to a party at their place, you shouldn’t drag a bunch of your female friends along with you. Going alone will force you to make conversation with new people since you won’t have a friend you already know keeping you occupied. It may sound intimidating, but since showing up solo requires confidence, it will make you exponentially more attractive to guys and will draw them to you (so you won’t be alone for long!).

3. Make an online dating profile

Online dating doesn’t carry the same stigma that it used to have. In the past, it felt like online dating was a last resort—now, it’s just too convenient an option to pass up! Everyone’s constantly attached to their smartphones and laptops anyway, so why not use yours to meet a potential date?

“Online dating makes it so much easier for college students to find a date or [a] new boyfriend when they move to a new city,” says online dating expert Julie Spira.

Whether you go for Match.com, OKCupid, or any other popular online dating website, make sure you’re being safe in how you use it.  “It’s best to keep dates in a new city casual in the beginning,” Spira says. “No late night booty calls for drinks should be added to your date card. Always let a friend know who you are meeting and where you’re going.”

The key here is to remember that if someone else has an online dating profile, then clearly they’re looking to meet people, too—so don’t be nervous! Though meeting each other in person may be uncomfortable at first, as long as you come off as confident, friendly, and open, meeting people through an online profile can be a huge success.

4. Have your friends introduce you to guys

Maybe you haven’t meant any guys yet, but if you’ve made female friends since your move, they could be the key to finding the man of your dreams. Once you make some female friends, they’ll be able to introduce you to (or even set you up with) their guy friends!

“Let neighbors and new friends know that you’d like to be fixed up,” Spira says. “You just never know; your next door neighbor might have a cute cousin that just became available. Keep all your options open and cast a wide net.”

Clara Beyer from Brown University used this tactic to find a great guy last summer.  “I knew basically one person in the city I was staying in,” she says. “He introduced me to a friend of his, she invited me to a party, and I met a guy at that party who I ended up casually dating for most of the summer.”

Though Clara hadn’t really wanted to go to the party originally, she broke out of her comfort zone and ended up having fun and meeting a great guy! “Basically, the best way to meet guys is to meet people,” Clara says. “The best way to meet people is to get out there and go do things! If someone invites you to do something (you know, within reason), say yes. It might pay off!”

The most important thing to remember is that there are loads of guys roaming around your new hometown just waiting to meet the right girl. If you’re open-minded and confident enough, there are limitless ways that you could meet the guy of your dreams in your area! 

Summer love isn’t necessarily all it’s cracked up to be. We see it in the movies and read about it in cheesy novels, but are summer flings really worth it? Even the hottest of summertime love affairs feel rushed and usually end with someone getting hurt by September. We can’t all have a love story written by Nicholas Sparks, so who’s to say that we should waste this summer on love (even if there are no strings attached)?

We asked relationship expert, psychologist and author Dr. Carole Lieberman to weigh in on why having a summer fling may not be right for you.

1. You don’t like being tied down

During summer break, being tied down could end up holding you back. “Summer, even if you have a job or other responsibilities, is more carefree than the school year,” Lieberman says. “Being single allows you to meet more people and make more spontaneous plans. You don't have to feel tied down to a relationship.”

2. You put your social life first

Another downfall to a summer fling is the possibility of it negatively affecting your friendships.

“I spent a lot of time with [my summer fling] and canceled plans with my friends whenever he called me,” says Olivia, a junior at Michigan State University. “I let him control my summer, which I definitely regret. Not only was there hurt when things ended, but there was also hurt between my friends and I because I blew them off all the time.”

It’s easy to ditch your girlfriends for a new romance, but remember that they’ll be the ones who’ll support you if your fling doesn’t end well!

3. You love summer love stories (a little too much)

Movies like The Last Song or even Grease can influence our expectations about finding love during the summer season. According to Lieberman, “these films and books romanticize the idea of summer flings and make you believe that yours will be as thrilling.”

Summer romance movies try to tell us what summer love should be, which means we can’t help but have high expectations for our own flings—which they may not be able to meet. Instead of obsessing over having a perfect summer romance, save yourself the impending letdown and focus on other ways to make your summer great.

4. You’re worried about getting attached

There seems to be an expiration date on relationships that begin when school gets out. “Summer flings don't usually last, because when summer ends, one or both of you go back to a different life often separated by geography, lifestyle and goals,” Lieberman says. “The joy of a summer fling comes from it being a lighthearted interlude and escape from your regular life.” However, it’s normal to get attached to someone you develop feelings for.

Kelsey*, a senior at Bowling Green State University, has experienced this firsthand. “He decided not to continue our fling because he was going off to school,” she says of a past summer fling. “So, yes, distance was the main reason, but it was really just an excuse for not wanting to commit. I saw it coming, but that didn't make it hurt less.”

5. You don’t like feeling rushed

If you’re looking for a relationship, don’t rely on summer romance to find The One. As Lieberman says, “summer flings can be a great way to experience someone new who is ‘not your type’ and who introduces you to some exciting experiences, but there can be a downside if you rush into things and are not careful. Girls feel pressured to find summer love because they want to have something exciting.”

Don’t go looking for summer love if it’s for the wrong reasons. These seasonal flings seem to be stuck on fast-forward, so don’t feel pressured to find a special someone to spend the summer with. When the clock runs out, it’s just a matter of time before one or both of you end up trying to mend a broken heart.

There are other ways to have an exciting summer, so don’t feel bad about not wanting a summer love! Whether you’re spending the summer working, taking classes, interning at your dream company or just hanging out with your friends and family, there’s no need to have a summer fling if you’re already having an amazing time. Focus on yourself and just have fun this summer. Summer flings aren’t for everyone!

We totally get it: break-ups are tough. When it comes to bad break-ups, we collegiettes have all been there–curled up on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, moping about our (now ex-) boyfriend and browsing though the newly posted pictures of him and his new girlfriend on Facebook. Getting over a break-up with your boyfriend is hard enough, but figuring out how to stop obsessing over him can be even harder. Maybe you constantly find yourself reaching for your cell phone to text him or you can’t seem to go anywhere without hearing Adele’s “Someone Like You” on the radio, but either way, you can’t get over him.

Regardless of what caused the split between you and your boyfriend, it’s understandable when you start to have hurt feelings and a sense of loss. Sometimes, you can fall into the trap of obsessing over the break-up, or even worse–reaching back out to him. But no matter what happened between you and your ex, it's time to move on. So how do you start getting over the break-up (and him)? We consulted founder of Pink Kisses and expert on break-ups, Ellie Scarborough, to bring you the HC-approved guide to stop obsessing over your ex.

Unsubscribe to him on Facebook… or un-friend him altogether.

We social media-savvy collegiettes like to keep connected, checking sites like Twitter and Facebook multiple times a day. But there’s nothing that’s more of a downer than seeing your ex (in a picture with his new girlfriend) pop up in your newsfeed. While stalking your ex on his Facebook wall can be tempting, this only lets you desperately obsess over him. That’s why you should block or, at the very least, unsubscribe from your ex-boyfriend on Facebook.

Annie Pei from UChicago says that for her friend, breaking up with an ex online was an important first step to moving on with her life post-break-up. “A friend of mine unsubscribed to her ex's updates on Facebook so he wouldn't appear in her newsfeed,” Annie says. “This basically took away a lot of the incentive to look at his profile. She still did so once in a while, but the fact that he didn't appear on her newsfeed took away most of the temptation.”

Evelyn, a collegiette from Amherst College, says that although it can take a lot of self-discipline, going on a digital hiatus for a while can be a great way to get over him. “When my ex and I broke up, I made a pact with myself that I'm not allowed to Facebook stalk him until I can be 100 percent sure that I won't care if I see pictures of him with another girl (which will probably be in like another 5 years),” Evelyn says. “I still haven't gone on his profile once!”

Delete his number from your phone.

You know that each time that you pass his past texts in your inbox, you’ll feel the heartbreak all over again. So, why put yourself through that angst? Delete his number from your phone and don’t give it a second thought. This will stop you from being tempted to draft a text to him in your phone or worse–drunk text him over the weekend. You may think you have self-control, but it's better to be safe than sorry, right?

Penn State University collegiette Rachel Lytle puts it bluntly: “Just literally stop any form of communication altogether. No Facebook, no Skype, no texting or phone calls. Nothing for a few months. You're left with no choice but to move forward!”

For Erin, a student at Emerson College, breaking up with her boyfriend of two years was made easier by removing all reminders of him.

“At first it was difficult because I was so crushed by the break-up,” Erin says. “Eventually, I knew I had to quit torturing and ‘testing’ myself to see how I was doing. I blocked my ex on Facebook, made a separate file in my computer for old photos of us, put reminders of him in a box under my bed and deleted his number from my phone. I didn't have the heart to throw all my memories away but I needed it all out of sight to help my heart heal.”

Scarborough says to take it a step further, “Make sure you clean out your voicemails. And while you're at it, make it a clean sweep. Get rid of any old emails from him and purge your texts.

This may seem harsh, but you need to start creating your own life without your ex in it. The sooner you create a clean slate for yourself, the better. You've got a whole new life to start living!”

Avoid running into him, whether you mean to or not.

Admittedly, it can be hard not to run into your ex on a small college campus and you can’t help it if you happen to enroll in the same marketing class (ouch), but avoiding the places you used to go as a couple can help you get over him faster. Whether it’s that café where you always met for a cup of coffee or that theater where you met for movie dates every Thursday, those are the spots to avoid.

“You should stop making excuses to walk by his favorite bar ‘just to see’ if he’s there,” says Kate Miller from the University of San Francisco. “My roommate did that all the time when she broke up with her boyfriend and it just made things harder for her. I’m sure running into him all the time didn’t help.”

If you have a mutual friend, ask about when your ex will be at certain places so you can avoid going there around that time. Try not to overdo this, though—constantly planning your life around him could make it hard to forget him. If you go to the same fitness center, switch up your routine by going for a run around the neighborhood instead of doing the elliptical at the gym. If you're trying to get over him, seeing him everywhere only makes you hurt more. You can take this opportunity to find new hangout spots and make new circles of friends.

Call up your best friend.

When you break up with your boyfriend, one of the absolute worst things you can do is sit at home alone with nothing to do. And that’s why you’re obsessing over him in the first place, right? You’re still thinking about the relationship that could have been. Whenever you feel like reaching for the phone to text him on a Thursday night, resist the urge and call up your best friend instead. Girl talk will never let you down.

And don’t just leave it at that. Go out and keep busy! The more time you spend alone, the more likely your thoughts will wander back to what your ex-boyfriend is up to.

“Go out on the town or have a movie night,” suggests Laura Baugh from Virginia Tech. “It sounds so clichéd and stupid, but it really does wonders. Tip: bring a camera. Nothing is better than taking a look at funny pictures from a fun night.”

“Listen, whether you like it or not, you're in the midst of a big transition and you're going to need support,” Scarborough says. “That's why I believe it's best to have more than one friend or family member at the ready and to tell them what you're going to need from them. And don't you dare try to do this alone because you're too proud to ask for help. This is exactly what friends are for.”

Hang out with your friends and family, hit the gym or go shopping at the mall. Take the time to pamper yourself with an at-home mani pedi. Whatever it is you decide to do, do something that gets your mind off of the break-up.

Keep reminding yourself why the two of you broke up… and why maybe, it was a good thing!

Most importantly, you shouldn’t forget why the two of you broke up in the first place. It’s easy to be nostalgic for a past relationship, but thinking back to the not-so good times will remind you of why you didn’t work out as a couple in the first place and will help you move on. Stop and think realistically about why you’re better off without him– maybe he didn’t support your goals or was obnoxiously immature. Either way, once you’ve gotten past the post-break-up obsession, you’ll come to realize that you’re better off without him.

Sure, break-ups can be brutal. But instead of wallowing in the past, take this time to get to know yourself again!

“One of the great things about getting out of a relationship is all of the free time you have,” Scarborough says. “So, instead of just focusing on your ex, take some time to really focus on you and what you want. A break-up is the perfect chance to take a good look at your priorities, your goals and your dreams. Start thinking about what you want your life to be now and what you want your first solo adventure to look like.”

While it's important to remember the good times we might have had with our ex, it’s just as important to remind yourself of the bad times and consider the lessons learned. In the meantime, take our tips to heart—they’ll help you get through that post-break-up misery and get over him sooner!

So, you’re dating a great guy you totally dig, but… fill in the blank: He chews with his mouth open. He’s always late. He only texts you back once a day. He never lets you take care of the check. He takes an hour to get ready. Whatever it is, it’s grating on your nerves like crazy, and you’re starting to question if it’s worth putting up with. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Anyone you date is going to come equipped with one annoying habit or another. The question is: how do you decide whether or not his quirk is a deal-breaker? Read on to find out how to deal with your partner’s annoying habits and when to move on.

Know the difference between a habit and a problem.

When you’re starting to feel critical of your partner or your relationship, it’s important to make sure that what you’re labeling an annoying habit isn’t actually a bigger problem. You might be tempted to brush your boyfriend’s affinity for drinking every night, his “jokingly” making fun of you in front of his friends, his flirting with other girls or him pushing you when he’s angry as “bad habits,” but Dr. Alexandra Solomon, licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, warns against this mindset.

“There are bad habits, and then there are massive red flags,” she says. “The question becomes, is [his] habit just [his] quirk, or does it have an impact on me? Public shaming, substance abuse, infidelity, violence – these aren’t habits.”

Anything in your relationship that has an impact on your safety, emotional and physical well-being or dignity is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and should be a deal-breaker, but what about the smaller things? Idiosyncrasies and behaviors that trigger feelings of annoyance or irritation can wear you down, too, so where do you draw the line? Read on to find out.

Figure out your side of the equation first.

If what’s bothering you does qualify as an annoying habit, one of the first things you can do to ease the problem is to remember that you have quirks you’re bringing to the table, too. According to Dr. Solomon, having this perspective is a great first step in curbing and dealing with critical thoughts.

“Reminding ourselves that this guy sitting across from you might be having similar thoughts about our habits is important,” she says. “You can be critical of the fact he chews with his mouth open, but you can also remember that he can be critical of the fact that you tend to run 10 minutes late. You have to leave a place for that humility.”

With this dash of humility, you might start to realize that your reaction to your guy’s bad habit is a sign of your issues, not his – and that’s not a bad thing! Before tossing a partner aside because of a bad habit, consider your reaction an opportunity to self-reflect. You might be surprised by what you discover about yourself.

Maybe you fear that his habit of being late is a sign of a deeper inconsiderateness. Or maybe his bad texting habitsmake you think that you care more about him than he does about you. Or his sloppiness triggers your own neuroticism. Or maybe something else entirely. 

“Something that bugs you about someone else is very often a reflection of an unhealed part of yourself,” Dr. Solomon says. “If you see it in him and you judge it in him, it may be an invitation for you to look at the ways that you also operate.”

If it bothers you, talk it out

Even if your introspection leaves you feeling more Zen about your boyfriend’s habits, Dr. Solomon stresses the importance of having a conversation with him no matter what. Without opening lines of communication, you risk breeding inner resentment, disengagement, anger and a victim mentality.

After all, what’s the point of being with your guy if you can’t talk to him openly about your feelings?

“That’s the beauty of being in a relationship,” Dr. Solomon says. “You can put something out there, even something that feels scary, like feeling critical of a partner. I think a healthy relationship can handle that and will grow from that.”

However, keeping your silence isn’t the only way you can exacerbate the issue; on the opposite end of the spectrum is voicing every nitpicky thought you have. Open communication does not authorize you to criticize him constantly.

So how do you strike the balance between swallowing your problems and nagging your partner to death?

Dr. Solomon suggests saying something like this: “Hey, this is kind of tricky to talk about… I like how we’re building this relationship and I have a concern I want to raise. I don’t know how much of it is me needing to get over this versus me asking you to change, but I’m hoping we can put this on the table and look at it together.”

Then, as diplomatically as you can, describe the habit you find annoying – and, more importantly, your reaction to it.

“It’s important to own, ‘I have a problem, this is my problem, I’m being critical of this thing,’” Dr. Solomon says. “His answer might very well be, ‘Oh my gosh, I had no idea that I even [have that habit]; thanks for telling me.’ Then, the issue is done. If the person says something like, ‘How could you be so critical; you’re just like my mother,’ then they’re showing you another side of them, and that is good to know, too.”

After you have this conversation, you might decide that while a certain habit wasn’t a deal-breaker, your partner’s reaction definitely was. Either way, airing your grievances will tell you how to move forward. 

“When I started spending more time at my boyfriend’s apartment, I became aware of so many of his annoying habits. It was crazy,” says Jennifer*, a sophomore at Emerson College. “He didn’t make his bed in the morning, his room was a mess, he ate standing in front of the fridge, he let his dishes pile up. When I talked to him about it, I found out he wasn’t about to change his entire lifestyle for me, and I had to decide which of his habits really affected me and which I could deal with. Like, his messy room made me not want to spend time in there, so that had an impact on our relationship, but him drinking out of the carton—that’s his own business. He changed some things and I got over others.”

Know your bottom line – and stick to it

However, there are some things that no amount of mature conversation can make bearable. We all have those things that will annoy us beyond repair – the pet peeves specific to us alone – and that’s okay. There’s a difference between being too picky and knowing what you can’t deal with. What’s important is sitting down with yourself and figuring out your personal distinction between what’s necessary and what’s preferable in a partner. For some, an annoying habit might be intolerable, but for others, it might just be the price of admission. But only you can know what’s in each category.

It may be unique to every person, but having that list of intolerable habits in your back pocket will help you navigate your relationships with more confidence.

Sound vague enough? Dr. Solomon admits that figuring out your bottom line about your guy’s annoying habit might very well be just a gut feeling, but luckily, there’s a good rule of thumb to help you figure it out.

“Every relationship has an energy to it,” she says. “Some things about your relationship will energize you and some things will drain you, so take the time to assess the credit-debit relationship there. How much are you getting from this relationship versus how much you are being depleted in this relationship?”

Chances are, assessing this question with your partner’s bad habit in mind will give you one of two answers: Either you’ll find that the annoyance you get from it drains you too much or that the good of your relationship outweighs the bad habit.

“At the end of the day, I know I have a great guy who makes me really happy,” Jennifer says. “I might get annoyed sometimes, but I’m not about to break up with him because he’s messy and I’m clean.”

No matter what, there’s no shame in doing what’s right for you in your relationship, whether that’s deciding that you can’t look past a bad habit and releasing your guy to someone whose imperfections are more compatible with his or opening yourself up to your partner to discuss what can be changed and what you can embrace.

“You won’t know the outcome until you face it head on,” Dr. Solomon says. “Know that you’ll both learn something by navigating it together.”